begentleinspirit

Hi,

I've been a lurker on this (and every other unschooling) list for a
few years now. My name is Kendra and I live in MA with my 8yo son. I
really want to unschool my son, but right now he is in public school.
I'm divorced and am in the process of trying to find a way to keep my
son home. There are several issues. The first is how to work and have
him home with me...are there others here that are single working
unschooling parents and how do you make it work?

The other issue is convincing my ex and his new wife. I've given them
Ren's new book and the wife read it already and really liked the
ideas, but has a few questions. It's my ex that I'm struggling with.
From what I've read here, he has some of the "typical" Dad
reservations and attitudes towards learning. He's very academic,
actually we all (me, Dad, and his wife)went to MIT, and wants him to
learn everything, be the best, and try hard. Also my son goes to a
great school by public school standards and so my ex really likes
that fact. Communication is hard enough when you are parenting
together, but when you got divorced mainly because you really
couldn't communicate very well, it's even harder now :-)

We've been emailing back and forth for many weeks now about how and
if we could make homeschooling happen. At least he's somewhat open to
the idea, but is it possible to unschool in one house and homeschool
in the other house? Would that just be totally confusing for my son?
It doesn't sit right with me of course, but would it be better than
public school? Right now my son lives with me Monday thru Friday and
goes to their house every weekend except one a month. So they would
be trying to do "school at home" (probably)on the weekends, while my
son and I would be living and learning unschool style during the
week. Although perhaps our schedule could change somehow if he didn't
have to be in school and since I need to work somehow.

Any thoughts or help would be greatly appreciated!
Thanks
Kendra

[email protected]

>>We've been emailing back and forth for many weeks now about how and
if we could make homeschooling happen. At least he's somewhat open to
the idea, but is it possible to unschool in one house and homeschool
in the other house? Would that just be totally confusing for my son?>>

Assuming that your son is on board with the whole leaving school idea, I think it's a step in the right direction. None of you can tackle the unschooling vs. homeschooling debate until your son is out of the school system.

>>So they would
be trying to do "school at home" (probably)on the weekends, while my
son and I would be living and learning unschool style during the
week.>>

It's a better ratio than he's got now with 5 out of 7 days in school. It's a start. And you can keep feeding them stuff to read and wonderful anecdotes about all the cool stuff your son is doing and learning with you. Even better would be to point out the weekend learning that happens outside or in spite of whatever schoolwork they're doing.

--
~Mary

"The miracle is not to walk on water. The miracle is to walk on the
green earth, dwelling deeply in the present moment and feeling truly
alive."

jlh44music

> We've been emailing back and forth for many weeks now about how and
if we could make homeschooling happen. At least he's somewhat open to
the idea, but is it possible to unschool in one house and homeschool
in the other house? Would that just be totally confusing for my son?
It doesn't sit right with me of course, but would it be better than
public school? Right now my son lives with me Monday thru Friday and
goes to their house every weekend except one a month. So they would
be trying to do "school at home" (probably)on the weekends, while my
son and I would be living and learning unschool style during the
week. Although perhaps our schedule could change somehow if he didn't
have to be in school and since I need to work somehow.>>>>>

Welcome Kendra!
This must be a hard situation. My initial thought is to let your ex
do "school at home" on the weekends, to keep the peace, then just
deschool with your son during the week, keep reading and learning as
much as you can about the unschooling lifestyle. It's much harder for
parents to embrace and understand I've found!

My dd is 13 and just finished 6th grade. This is our first year at
home. She's deschooling, healing from being in public school (there
were many issues I won't go into right now as I have limited time on
the computer today). You'll find families here who have unschooled all
their lives, and those of us new to it who pulled children from
school. Go back in the archives and read some of the posts as well,
plus the links listed here too (and Kelly's new website!).

Keep reading and keep posting your questions! This is a great place
for newbies! I'm sure there are some in similar situations to yours!

I'm in MA too(No Reading), where do you live?
Jann

jlh44music

> I'm in MA too(No Reading), where do you live?
> Jann

Kendra:
I wanted to add check out mhla.org and ahem.info for local support
groups. There aren't any unschoolers in my town, only a few elementary
age homeschoolers, but I'm beginning to meet other unschoolers who are
teens.

Kendra and Christina:
Plus these sites give guidance on what you have to do "offically" to
homeschool in MA. You don't have to report until the calendar year in
which your child turns age 6 (kindergarten is OPTIONAL).
Jann

Brandie

> are there others here that are
> single working
> unschooling parents and how do you make it work?

There are divorced and single parents who unschool --
also two parent households where both parents work.
It can be done, but I feel it can be VERY difficult.
A lot depends on how many hours working, what type of
job you have, your schedule, etc.

One thought I had -- do you work a typical
Monday-Friday week? And then on weekends he is with
dad? How often would you actually be with him during
an average week? Is your job flexible where you can
work two of your days on the weekend when he is with
his dad?

> is it possible to unschool in one
> house and homeschool
> in the other house?

While I don't think it is ideal, I do think it is
possible. And this might be the only thing that will
work given your situation. Right now he is schooled 5
days a week and if dad schools him on the weekends, he
would go down to 2 days. If your son wants to be
unschooled/homeschooled, I think that it would be
better than public school.

Now, the question is (and you know your ex better than
any of us do), would he really accept a situation like
this? It's to your son's benefit for you to be very
flexible on whether you actually unschool or
homeschool. If your ex seems anti-unschooling (but
okay with homeschooling), I would consider not using
the term and try doing a very relaxed, eclectic
approach to homeschooling.


Brandie
http://tableforfive.blogspot.com
http://homemadeliving.blogspot.com




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Kendra DeSimone

Thank you to the people who responded to my questions about this! Here's a little more info.

My son is probably the type of child that would be "fine" in the school system. What I mean is that he would conform and try to do his best and not complain too much, as this is his personality. But of course I don't want that for him. But explaining the harm that is/will be done to his spirit is another story, since for all intents and purposes he will "look fine" to him. They are also questioning me by saying well he's learned so much already academically and socially. I believe they want me to justify why that is, if school is so bad. That is a very hard thing for me to do articulately for many reasons.
Another issue is that when asked by my ex why he wanted to homeschool, he said it was because it would be easier. That really upset my ex, as he is a workaholic! Here's a copy of the email he wrote to me regarding this:
>>>>

Kendra

Karen and I are pretty excited about homeschooling, as an initial statement, though there are significant issues that we all have to work out, as we are talking about and emailing about every day.



I asked Frank this weekend what his thoughts were about not being in school. His main, repeatable statement about it is that he thought it would be easier at home than in school. In fact, when I answered that it might not be so easy, and it might even be harder learning at home, he asked if *just you* could teach him. We have to BE VERY CAREFUL not to bring him up to choose only the easy path; and I feel pretty strongly about it. More than you know, possibly.



I don’t care about grades, or tests, or what he actually does with his life(artist or engineer, or whatever), but I damn sure want him to work hard at it, and not always take the easy road.



So instead of being so worried that I am killing the idea (which I am not), you might be somewhat concerned that this is becoming a repeating theme with him, of “him not wanting things to be too hard.”



F



>>>>>



So now I also have to explain that what I really think my son is saying is that he's bored (I asked him). He does fine academically and doesn't struggle with the work, so really I believe he doesn't like the approach they take with things like math worksheets and phonics etc. As we the unschoolers all know, of course he's bored and would rather learn at home! But in order for me to be able to bring him home I've somehow got to convince the ex that our son isn't "lazy". Ugggh it just sucks to have to defend everything I believe in...I'm not sure of the best way to go about it.



My other concern about unschooling in one home and homeschooling in the other relates to the "easy" factor. My fear is about creating feelings for my son about one house vs the other. Like one is easier than the other, or one is more fun, etc. Although perhaps because of his personality he would go with the flow well, I don't know. Perhaps it's a fear I should share with my ex. Or perhaps I can try to ease slowly into unschooling, but doing some eclectic homeschooling first just to ease my ex's fears.



Any more thoughts?

I am so grateful to have these lists to read...they are so wonderful!!

Thanks

Kendra


begentleinspirit <begentleinspirit@...> wrote:
Hi,

I've been a lurker on this (and every other unschooling) list for a
few years now. My name is Kendra and I live in MA with my 8yo son. I
really want to unschool my son, but right now he is in public school.
I'm divorced and am in the process of trying to find a way to keep my
son home. There are several issues. The first is how to work and have
him home with me...are there others here that are single working
unschooling parents and how do you make it work?

The other issue is convincing my ex and his new wife. I've given them
Ren's new book and the wife read it already and really liked the
ideas, but has a few questions. It's my ex that I'm struggling with.
From what I've read here, he has some of the "typical" Dad
reservations and attitudes towards learning. He's very academic,
actually we all (me, Dad, and his wife)went to MIT, and wants him to
learn everything, be the best, and try hard. Also my son goes to a
great school by public school standards and so my ex really likes
that fact. Communication is hard enough when you are parenting
together, but when you got divorced mainly because you really
couldn't communicate very well, it's even harder now :-)

We've been emailing back and forth for many weeks now about how and
if we could make homeschooling happen. At least he's somewhat open to
the idea, but is it possible to unschool in one house and homeschool
in the other house? Would that just be totally confusing for my son?
It doesn't sit right with me of course, but would it be better than
public school? Right now my son lives with me Monday thru Friday and
goes to their house every weekend except one a month. So they would
be trying to do "school at home" (probably)on the weekends, while my
son and I would be living and learning unschool style during the
week. Although perhaps our schedule could change somehow if he didn't
have to be in school and since I need to work somehow.

Any thoughts or help would be greatly appreciated!
Thanks
Kendra





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Kendra DeSimone

Hi Jann,

We live in Acton. I actually have been reading about unschooling for years now! I've had so much time to learn about it and have been trying to unschool "life" for awhile now, even though we haven't done the actual unschool "school" part. My son's and my relationship is so awesome because of it, I truly believe.
Thanks for your help!
Kendra

jlh44music <jlh44music@...> wrote:


Welcome Kendra!
This must be a hard situation. My initial thought is to let your ex
do "school at home" on the weekends, to keep the peace, then just
deschool with your son during the week, keep reading and learning as
much as you can about the unschooling lifestyle. It's much harder for
parents to embrace and understand I've found!

My dd is 13 and just finished 6th grade. This is our first year at
home. She's deschooling, healing from being in public school (there
were many issues I won't go into right now as I have limited time on
the computer today). You'll find families here who have unschooled all
their lives, and those of us new to it who pulled children from
school. Go back in the archives and read some of the posts as well,
plus the links listed here too (and Kelly's new website!).

Keep reading and keep posting your questions! This is a great place
for newbies! I'm sure there are some in similar situations to yours!

I'm in MA too(No Reading), where do you live?
Jann





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---------------------------------




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Kendra DeSimone

Jann,

Again thanks for the help. I have checked for local groups. Like you I don't think there are many homeschoolers from Acton (since the schools are better than most) let alone unschoolers. There is a homeschool co-op called Voyagers here in Acton that is very active. You actually may be interested in it since they have many teens. Most people travel from further away. Here's the website www.voyagers.inc

I have checked into Acton's policies, but need to read them more closely. From what I've skimmed they seem pretty up on the laws, but I'm unsure how they would deal with an unschooler. More research to do...
Kendra


jlh44music <jlh44music@...> wrote:
> I'm in MA too(No Reading), where do you live?
> Jann

Kendra:
I wanted to add check out mhla.org and ahem.info for local support
groups. There aren't any unschoolers in my town, only a few elementary
age homeschoolers, but I'm beginning to meet other unschoolers who are
teens.

Kendra and Christina:
Plus these sites give guidance on what you have to do "offically" to
homeschool in MA. You don't have to report until the calendar year in
which your child turns age 6 (kindergarten is OPTIONAL).
Jann






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Kendra DeSimone

Brandie <scrapdiva73@...> wrote:
One thought I had -- do you work a typical
Monday-Friday week? And then on weekends he is with
dad? How often would you actually be with him during
an average week? Is your job flexible where you can
work two of your days on the weekend when he is with
his dad?

Hi Brandie,

Actually right now I work at home, so it would seem to be an ideal situation to bring my son home. However, my job is not all that stable. I'm an engineering consultant and may need to start going into the office a few days a week soon. Also, I get incredibly stressed when trying to work at home while my son is home. I feel as if I'm not doing either job well at all. Of course there may be options to find someone to come into my house to play with him while I work or something...I need to look more into that. I can actually work at home on the weekends on things I don't need to talk to people about so that helps.


Brandie <scrapdiva73@...> wrote:
Now, the question is (and you know your ex better than
any of us do), would he really accept a situation like
this? It's to your son's benefit for you to be very
flexible on whether you actually unschool or
homeschool. If your ex seems anti-unschooling (but
okay with homeschooling), I would consider not using
the term and try doing a very relaxed, eclectic
approach to homeschooling.

This is something he and I need to discuss further. He's not too on board with the unschooling, but he knows how I feel about it and also knows that I wouldn't be traditionally homeschooling. Like you said perhaps I'll have to compromise a little more in the beginning.

Just last night my ex came over to be with my son and my son was reading a book. My ex asked me if he was comprehending what he was reading and how did know? I just looked at him crazy like and said he's reading, I don't quiz him on every book he reads just to be sure he's comprehending it all! He will tell me funny or good parts about them and that's good enough for me. Geeezz talk about taking all the fun out of reading.... We just stared at each other exasperatedly. lol

Kendra
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

In a message dated 10/20/2005 9:11:20 AM Eastern Daylight Time,
begentleinspirit@... writes:

Any more thoughts?


I would definitely try and see where your son thinks it will be "easier" and
what he means by that, for your ex's sake. There is a big difference between
working hard at something and being forced to work hard at something. What
may be hard to one person, isn't always hard for the next.
I think back to my schooling... anything dealing with English or geography
was almost second nature to me. Both of my parents were math people and I just
couldn't grasp it. For them, the basics were easy. For me, the basics were
hard. And I was forced into learning those, as well as the harder stuff. I
always chose the "easier" route, not because I was lazy, but because it was all I
could understand. To my parents, what was hard for me, was second nature to
them, and many, many struggles ensued.
So, I would look into your son's interests. Does he have a love for numbers,
yet struggles with reading? Or the other way around? Maybe that's what he
means by homeschooling being "easier"... there won't be the need to "conform"
to public school methods.
Just my 2 cents :o)

Jenny
Mom to Danny, Kelsey and Evelyn
Happily homeschooling in Greenfield, MA
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere. ~Chinese
Proverb



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

jlh44music

> Again thanks for the help. I have checked for local groups. Like you
I don't think there are many homeschoolers from Acton (since the
schools are better than most) let alone unschoolers. There is a
homeschool co-op called Voyagers here in Acton that is very active. You
actually may be interested in it since they have many teens. Most
people travel from further away. Here's the website www.voyagers.inc
>
> I have checked into Acton's policies, but need to read them more
closely. From what I've skimmed they seem pretty up on the laws, but
I'm unsure how they would deal with an unschooler. More research to
do...>>>

Thanks Kendra. I HAVE heard of this group and I'll check it out.
Acton is not too terribly far, and we don't mind traveling (it's
certainly easier with one child!).

Danielle has made a shift just this week, she's been on the computer a
lot during her initial deschooling period, and she has been saying she
thinks she's been on it too much, her eyes are bugging her, and she
feels ready to get out and do more. She's a homebody, shy at first
with new people, but once she's got a feel for the situation and gets
to know people, she's great!. What's nice is that SHE has come to
this realization and is beginning to find "herself". Plus 13 is tough
enough with all the developmental/hormonal changes (we talk about this
too, she hasn't started her period yet) (I was 13), she has a couple of
friends from school her age who have, so she's well aware of it, but
also has an anxiety piece (a worrier) to her temperament that's coming
into play here (transitions and new things have always been hard for
her, she needs to talk about it A LOT, which I'm glad of, it's better
than silence and keeping it inside). We talked last night about
purposely getting out more, making an effort to go do things and meet
other unschoolers (and homeschoolers, if it's something she's
interested in). What's important to her is to be with people (of all
ages) who have similar interests. She's still stuck in the "schooly"
mindset of "I don't know what to do", she's still working on being able
to explore other interests, knowing WHAT they are.
Jann

[email protected]

In a message dated 10/20/2005 9:18:41 AM Eastern Daylight Time,
begentleinspirit@... writes:

I have checked into Acton's policies, but need to read them more closely.
From what I've skimmed they seem pretty up on the laws, but I'm unsure how they
would deal with an unschooler. More research to do...
Kendra


~~~~~~~~~~
They don't really know that you "unschool". No law here says you need to
state that. They don't need to know. For us, I just sent them the bare minimum
for a letter of intent. They TRIED to get more info, but when I replied to them
that I was in compliance with the laws and if I wasn't, if they would please
let me know where I goofed, they approved me without further question. You
just need to be very knowledgable about the laws, and stick to your guns.
Don't let them intimidate you. :o)

Jenny
Homeschooling in Greenfield, MA
Danny (12-1-99), Kelsey (11-1-01) and Evelyn (5-19-04)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Education is not filling a pail but the lighting of a fire. ~William Butler
Yeats



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

jlh44music

> We live in Acton. I actually have been reading about unschooling for
years now! I've had so much time to learn about it and have been trying
to unschool "life" for awhile now, even though we haven't done the
actual unschool "school" part. My son's and my relationship is so
awesome because of it, I truly believe.>>>>

That's great that you've been reading about unschooling for so long (I
only found it about a year or so ago! and it just felt right, once I
got past the initial reaction of "oh, that sounds WAY too loose for
me). I don't think it's for every one, but I know it's best for my
dd. We've got a long way to go, but at least we're on the right path
now. Being home with her has DEFINITELY changed things for the better
in our relationship.
Jann

[email protected]

In a message dated 10/20/2005 9:51:49 AM Eastern Daylight Time,
begentleinspirit@... writes:

Just last night my ex came over to be with my son and my son was reading a
book. My ex asked me if he was comprehending what he was reading and how did
know? I just looked at him crazy like and said he's reading, I don't quiz him
on every book he reads just to be sure he's comprehending it all! He will
tell me funny or good parts about them and that's good enough for me. Geeezz
talk about taking all the fun out of reading.... We just stared at each other
exasperatedly. lol

Kendra


~~~~~~~~~~
lol... does your ex comprehend all that he reads? Does anyone quiz him? I
know I don't always comprehend EVERYTHING I read. Reading is supposed to be fun,
not work.

Jenny
Homeschooling in Greenfield, MA
Danny (12-1-99), Kelsey (11-1-01) and Evelyn (5-19-04)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Education is not filling a pail but the lighting of a fire. ~William Butler
Yeats



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

In a message dated 10/20/2005 10:58:53 AM Eastern Daylight Time,
jlh44music@... writes:

Danielle has made a shift just this week, she's been on the computer a
lot during her initial deschooling period, and she has been saying she
thinks she's been on it too much, her eyes are bugging her, and she
feels ready to get out and do more.


~~~~~~~~~~
That's great Jann!

Jenny
Homeschooling in Greenfield, MA
Danny (12-1-99), Kelsey (11-1-01) and Evelyn (5-19-04)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Education is not filling a pail but the lighting of a fire. ~William Butler
Yeats



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

jlh44music

> Another issue is that when asked by my ex why he wanted to
homeschool, he said it was because it would be easier. That really
upset my ex, as he is a workaholic!>>>>

Maybe what you need to do is word it differently, with both your son
and ex, I know what you mean by saying it will be easier, but maybe
it would sit better with your ex to say it will be a better learning
environment for your son because you can explore things at his pace,
avoid the boring worksheets etc, really "learn" things in depth,
etc. I'm sure there are some here who can pipe in with some better
ways to put this than me! I'm still working on being able to talk
about it articulately myself, but I DO get it!.

As you said, maybe looking at it from a more "ecclectic" point of
view will help initially. DO some of the "schooly" things, or
things in a schoolish way (do some math, when he reads a book, write
in a journal when your son talks about it, write his comments or a
summary of "what he comprehends", as opposed to making up a "test"
for him to show his "progress". Something like this might help your
ex to see that he's "learning", it's something "measurable", like the
schools do.). Take cues from your son as to how much of this
(worksheets etc) he's able to do willingly etc.

Also, depending on what form of assessment you choose when you send
in your LOI, if it's a portfolio (dated work samples) then this will
be in place. OR, you might want to consider a standardized test
(this might placate your ex). My dd took the CAT/5 last April when
she was still in school to see what it was like. Initially I thought
that would be easiest, take one week out of the whole year and it's
done. She HATED it! She felt it was a waste of time. We talked
about it alot and decided that wasn't the best choice. Where she's
middle school age, I felt "work samples" would be a lot of work (in
elem school, I feel doing a few worksheets, etc here and there is
easier), so we (and she and I decided together) that we would do a
narrative report. Initially she said "won't that be too much work
for you?" but I told her I've been getting a lot of suggestions from
other unschoolers, and I think it will be the easiest!

> So now I also have to explain that what I really think my son is
saying is that he's bored (I asked him). He does fine academically
and doesn't struggle with the work, so really I believe he doesn't
like the approach they take with things like math worksheets and
phonics etc.>>>>

This was my dd too. She wasn't getting good grades, but I know she
was learning (she hates traditional tests, but if she could test
verbally, she'd probably ace everthing! I was starting to try to get
the schools to allow her to test verbally, but once I decided I was
going to pull her at the end of the year, I didn't bother wasting my
time with it, just helped her get through the rest of the year).

> I am so grateful to have these lists to read...they are so
wonderful!!>>>

Me too! It helps me continue on the right path and help my dd with
this transition!
Jann

jlh44music

> I have checked into Acton's policies, but need to read them more
closely. From what I've skimmed they seem pretty up on the laws, but
I'm unsure how they would deal with an unschooler. More research to
do...
> Kendra
> ~~~~~~~~~~
> They don't really know that you "unschool". No law here says you
need to state that. They don't need to know. For us, I just sent
them the bare minimum for a letter of intent. They TRIED to get more
info, but when I replied to them that I was in compliance with the
laws and if I wasn't, if they would please let me know where I
goofed, they approved me without further question. You just need to
be very knowledgable about the laws, and stick to your guns. Don't
let them intimidate you. :o) >>>>
> Jenny

Ditto here. I wrote my LOI and ed plan as if we were traditional
homeschoolers. I don't think they would even know what an
unschooler is. As far as I'm concerned, that falls under the part
where they can't dictate HOW we "teach" our children, as long as
we're covering the basic subjects as outlined in the guidance on mhla
and ahem etc.
(I'd be glad to email you what I submitted if you want to take a
look! Maybe there are some others from MA with elem age kids who
could do the same!)
Jann

jlh44music

> I would definitely try and see where your son thinks it will
be "easier" and what he means by that, for your ex's sake. There is
a big difference between working hard at something and being forced
to work hard at something. What may be hard to one person, isn't
always hard for the next.>>>>

THAT's what I meant by others being able to write about this in more
detail! Thanks Jenny!

> I think back to my schooling... anything dealing with English or
geography was almost second nature to me. Both of my parents were
math people and I just couldn't grasp it. For them, the basics were
easy. For me, the basics were hard. And I was forced into learning
those, as well as the harder stuff. >>>>

This is my dd - has trouble grasping math (and I LOVE it! I also
love to read for pleasure and she doesn't. My dh is the same).

>>>I always chose the "easier" route, not because I was lazy, but
because it was all I could understand..........Maybe that's what he
means by homeschooling being "easier"... there won't be the need
to "conform" to public school methods.>>>>

YES! That was definitely more than 2 cents worth of wisdom! Thanks
for sharing!
Jann

jlh44music

> Danielle has made a shift just this week, she's been on the computer
a lot during her initial deschooling period, and she has been saying
she thinks she's been on it too much, her eyes are bugging her, and
she feels ready to get out and do more.>>>
> ~~~~~~~~~~
> That's great Jann!

In fact, we're going to meet Kathryn and Julian this afternoon for the
first time! We're looking forward to it! (and I've got to start
waking her up, she's not a morning person, but we agreed I'd get her
going a little earlier than usual (she sleeps until she's done most
days) - she needs time to "wake up").
Jann

[email protected]

In a message dated 10/20/2005 11:35:21 AM Eastern Daylight Time,
jlh44music@... writes:

In fact, we're going to meet Kathryn and Julian this afternoon for the
first time! We're looking forward to it! (and I've got to start
waking her up, she's not a morning person, but we agreed I'd get her
going a little earlier than usual (she sleeps until she's done most
days) - she needs time to "wake up").
Jann



~~~~~~~~~~
Have fun! I am so not a morning person either. It's noon and I'm still
dragging today. I've always been a night owl. I just function better lol

Jenny
Mom to Danny, Kelsey and Evelyn
Happily homeschooling in Greenfield, MA
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere. ~Chinese
Proverb



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

-----Original Message-----
From: Kendra DeSimone begentleinspirit@...

My son is probably the type of child that would be "fine" in the school system.
What I mean is that he would conform and try to do his best and not complain too
much, as this is his personality.Kendra

Karen and I are pretty excited about homeschooling, as an initial statement,
though there are significant issues that we all have to work out, as we are
talking about and emailing about every day.
-=-=-===-
I have one like that. He WAS in school from pre-K through sixth grade. He's always been an
easy and compliant child. He did fine in school and was a good student. He, too, would
have made it through high school---but he would have been SOOO damaged by the end (this would
be his senior year had he remained in school).

-=-=-=-==-

I asked Frank this weekend what his thoughts were about not being in school.
His main, repeatable statement about it is that he thought it would be easier at
home than in school. In fact, when I answered that it might not be so easy, and
it might even be harder learning at home, he asked if *just you* could teach
him. We have to BE VERY CAREFUL not to bring him up to choose only the easy
path; and I feel pretty strongly about it. More than you know, possibly.

-=-=-=-=-

"Easier" can have many connotations. Easier than having to raise his hand to go to
the bathroom or eat a snack or easier than being forced to "learn" stupid things. Most
things are easier at home than at school. Sleeping until you're rested, eating when
you're hungry, learning---and being able to THROW yourself into a passion---are all easier
at hme rather than at school!

I would also stress that *YOU* won't be his only "teacher"---Frank may be suggesting that
he'd rather have "school" when he's with *YOU* and let his weekend time with Dad be
fun---the way it *would* be if he were in school Monday-Friday. We learn from SOOO many people
and situations, *YOU* will never be his only "teacher" unless you lock him up with no
outside exposure!
-=-=-=-=-=-

I don't care about grades, or tests, or what he actually does with his
life(artist or engineer, or whatever), but I damn sure want him to work hard at
it, and not always take the easy road.
-=-=-=-
I'm glad he doesn't care about grades and tests and that he's open to what your
son would like to make of his *own* life. BUT: I think the last statement is
blatantly idiotic. Given the choice to "take the easy road"---or work long and hard
on something that one cares about passionately is what a person who has been given the
freedom and who has a definite goal DOES!

I have many passions (I know people get tired of hearing what all I do!), but I'm NOT
taking an easy road just because it's easy! I do things because they challenge me or because
I can learn more or because it's fun!

Beekeeping isn't easy. The easy way out would be to buy store honey! <G> I have two hives.

I could pay someone to tile my kitchen and bathroom: I CHOSE to do that myself,
learning all the way.

I could buy all my fruit and vegetables, but I CHOOSE to spend time in my garden
almost every day.

I could just buy a puppy or pick one up at the shelter. I CHOSE to raise a guide
dog puppy --- and then let him GO in five weeks! I can't imagine anything harder right now.

Sending a child to school is easy---well, if you don't mind getting them up early and
fighting them over homework and grades and tests and such. I CHOSE to spend more time
with my children and be involved with their lives by unschooling.

There's nothing easy about putting on an unschooling conference. Guess what? I did that to.
I take the hard road often because it's something I *want* to do.

I think that those who avoid anything hard are the ones most damaged by schools
and creepy parents who insist that they do/learn what anyone but the *learner* decides is
important.

-=-=-=-=-


So instead of being so worried that I am killing the idea (which I am not), you
might be somewhat concerned that this is becoming a repeating theme with him, of
"him not wanting things to be too hard."


-=-=-=-

Again: Creepy!

Things can be *very* hard for you and still be *very* easy for me. I would no
sooner take the hard way of learning how to skateboard than I would learn how to
swallow razor blades. But my son (who has done both) thinks they are easy! He won't
play with my bees though! <g>
-=-=-=-=-=-


So now I also have to explain that what I really think my son is saying is that
he's bored (I asked him). He does fine academically and doesn't struggle with
the work, so really I believe he doesn't like the approach they take with things
like math worksheets and phonics etc. As we the unschoolers all know, of course
he's bored and would rather learn at home! But in order for me to be able to
bring him home I've somehow got to convince the ex that our son isn't "lazy".
Ugggh it just sucks to have to defend everything I believe in...I'm not sure of
the best way to go about it.

-=-=-=-

Just do what you want and learn how to put it into "educationese" for your
husband. Pam Sorooshian and Sandra Dodd have two great examples of unschooling curricula.
Maybe you should copy and alter them with your son's name and other local things in
your area to give to your husband. Could someone please post those links?
-=-=-=-=-=-


My other concern about unschooling in one home and homeschooling in the other
relates to the "easy" factor. My fear is about creating feelings for my son
about one house vs the other. Like one is easier than the other, or one is more
fun, etc. Although perhaps because of his personality he would go with the flow
well, I don't know. Perhaps it's a fear I should share with my ex. Or perhaps I
can try to ease slowly into unschooling, but doing some eclectic homeschooling
first just to ease my ex's fears.

-=-=-=-

I would simply say that he will be following *this* curriculum (like I said, look up
Pam's or Carol Narigon's and alter for your use). The child should NOT be in school
seven days per week, so his time with his dad should be FUN and NOT schooled!

~Kelly




[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Donald and Sandra Winn

I can't help it but I'm concerned for my son in this
area as well. It bothers dh something awful. He
literally never wants to do anything, he'll be
excited, but as soon as something requires a little
thought or gets a little tough, he quits. He doesn't
even want to try.

It's a fear we have about what he'll grow up to be.
He is loving and he is a sweet kid, but my husband
believes that ds is "lazy". My husband is concerened
that 11yo ds will never know accomplishments because
he just gives up so easily, even on things that he
"wants" to do. Neither my husband nor I were taught,
fishing, hunting, cleaning fish, etc. My husband came
home the other day and asked, just asked if ds would
maybe like to sit in on a boyscout meeting because
they do stuff like that all the time. You'd of
thought dh said, "You'll be a boyscout and thats
final!" But he didn't, just asked if he'd like to sit
in on a meeting or two. DS responded by rubbing his
eyes, "Well, nah, I don't think so." He doesn't know
anything about Boy Scouts at all, he wants to learn
all of these things, we're providing an opportunity if
he wants, but he refuses to even just take a look at
things.

To be honest, he has also loved tv for years too, I
think he feels if he does something that he'll miss
out on another re-run. For years now, when we want to
do something fun as a family, he gets upset and
doesn't want to go, he'd rather watch tv or play video
games. We'll be in the front yard playing croquet and
he'd rather watch television.

He has been like this for years and frankly, I don't
see it ending and in all honesty, I am a little more
than worried myself.


Peace and Joy,
~Sandy
www.homelearningnaturally.blogspot.com




__________________________________
Start your day with Yahoo! - Make it your home page!
http://www.yahoo.com/r/hs

[email protected]

<<I'm more than a little worried myself>>

What does your son say when you talk to him about your concerns?

Does he have a passion? Perhaps one sparked by TV?

When my now 14yo was 10, she spent 4 months literally doing nothing but eating, sleeping and watching TV. It drove me insane but I kept my mouth shut. Then she got crabbier and crabbier and then I suggested a possible link between lack of activity and her state of mind. EVENTUALLY, she agreed. About the same time she was invited onto a competitive gymnastics team and now seldom has time to watch more than an hour or so per day. She has developed many friendships, travels the state with 4-h stuff and is even taking several classes because she thinks it will up her odds of admission to a university she wants to attend.

But during the TV days, I wouldn't have thought it would happen.

Perhaps it is an age thing? Where they go through a period of needing to simply receive input rather than actively engaging in activities.

Julie S.


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Donald and Sandra Winn

" What does your son say when you talk to him about
your concerns?"

He just says, "Well, yeah, I don't know." We offer
everything for him and tell him that we'll try and do
whatever he wants and desires. Last week he wanted to
do a wood project, we had fun and he cut the boards
with a mighter saw and handsaw, all done outside, he
did great! My hubby's garage is a disaster so we
brought our project indoors to finish it. We needed
to make holes for dowels and he drilled a couple of
holes that were out of line, I offered to help him and
we had some spares so it was okay to make mistakes.
He just quit on me, gave up, "I can't make the holes
straight", I told him that it was okay, we can
practice on this piece to help us. Nope, that was it,
he just quit. So, I drilled the holes and then it was
time for the dowels. If anyone has ever worked with
dowels, you know that you can have one end in and when
you do the other the other side slips out. After one
time of that happening, he was finished helping with
dowels. He did put the finishing nails in with the
nail gun though, and he was good with that tool also.
If it is easy, he does it, but at the first site of
requiring effort, he quits.

He wanted so badly to have his own webpage and he
wanted to make it by himself. I asked him several
times, "are you sure?" "Yes" was his answer, so I
bought a website url for him, he sat on the computer,
we went to "Lizza Knows it All" (can't think of the
name) the very first instruction for building a site
and he was through, didn't want to even try. He said,
"I don't get it." then quit. I even offered to help
him with it, his answer, "No, that's alright, I just
don't want to do it." I never got after him for the
money spent or anything but I was upset that he just
didn't even want to "try" to get it. It doesn't
bother me if he doesn't want to do something, it
bothers me that he doesn't want to ever give anything
even the slightest bit of effort.

"Does he have a passion? Perhaps one sparked by TV?"

He said he wants to act, so I said "well, maybe we can
find something in the paper and you can audition for
something." His reaction? Oh, you have to do things
in front of people in order to act? I politely told
him yes, you'd probably have to read a script or
something. "Well, no that's alright, nevermind." We
can't afford acting lessons and such anyway so maybe
it's for the best.

He LOVES swimming but does not want to be on a swim
team in the area because they wear Speedos. We have a
pool and when it's warm, he's out there all of the
time. He enjoyed Karate but when he made yellow belt
and the requirements got tougher, he quit practicing
and just stayed there. That and the other kids in
class annoyed him, he wanted to learn, they only
wanted to goof off (understable since they're in
school all day).


"Perhaps it is an age thing? Where they go through a
> period of needing to simply receive input rather
> than actively engaging in activities."

Ds's stage with tv and video games has lasted, thus
far, almost 6 years. We love him and that is why we
are worried and getting frustrated.

I'm happy that your daughter found a passion, that is
so awesome. I even mentioned perhaps finding
something in our local 4H...total resistence.




Peace and Joy,
~Sandy
www.homelearningnaturally.blogspot.com





__________________________________
Yahoo! Mail - PC Magazine Editors' Choice 2005
http://mail.yahoo.com

Donald and Sandra Winn

" What does your son say when you talk to him about
your concerns?"

He just says, "Well, yeah, I don't know." We offer
everything for him and tell him that we'll try and do
whatever he wants and desires. Last week he wanted to
do a wood project, we had fun and he cut the boards
with a mighter saw and handsaw, all done outside, he
did great! My hubby's garage is a disaster so we
brought our project indoors to finish it. We needed
to make holes for dowels and he drilled a couple of
holes that were out of line, I offered to help him and
we had some spares so it was okay to make mistakes.
He just quit on me, gave up, "I can't make the holes
straight", I told him that it was okay, we can
practice on this piece to help us. Nope, that was it,
he just quit. So, I drilled the holes and then it was
time for the dowels. If anyone has ever worked with
dowels, you know that you can have one end in and when
you do the other the other side slips out. After one
time of that happening, he was finished helping with
dowels. He did put the finishing nails in with the
nail gun though, and he was good with that tool also.
If it is easy, he does it, but at the first site of
requiring effort, he quits.

He wanted so badly to have his own webpage and he
wanted to make it by himself. I asked him several
times, "are you sure?" "Yes" was his answer, so I
bought a website url for him, he sat on the computer,
we went to "Lizza Knows it All" (can't think of the
name) the very first instruction for building a site
and he was through, didn't want to even try. He said,
"I don't get it." then quit. I even offered to help
him with it, his answer, "No, that's alright, I just
don't want to do it." I never got after him for the
money spent or anything but I was upset that he just
didn't even want to "try" to get it. It doesn't
bother me if he doesn't want to do something, it
bothers me that he doesn't want to ever give anything
even the slightest bit of effort.

"Does he have a passion? Perhaps one sparked by TV?"

He said he wants to act, so I said "well, maybe we can
find something in the paper and you can audition for
something." His reaction? Oh, you have to do things
in front of people in order to act? I politely told
him yes, you'd probably have to read a script or
something. "Well, no that's alright, nevermind." We
can't afford acting lessons and such anyway so maybe
it's for the best.

He LOVES swimming but does not want to be on a swim
team in the area because they wear Speedos. We have a
pool and when it's warm, he's out there all of the
time. He enjoyed Karate but when he made yellow belt
and the requirements got tougher, he quit practicing
and just stayed there. That and the other kids in
class annoyed him, he wanted to learn, they only
wanted to goof off (understable since they're in
school all day).


"Perhaps it is an age thing? Where they go through a
> period of needing to simply receive input rather
> than actively engaging in activities."

Ds's stage with tv and video games has lasted, thus
far, almost 6 years. We love him and that is why we
are worried and getting frustrated.

I'm happy that your daughter found a passion, that is
so awesome. I even mentioned perhaps finding
something in our local 4H...total resistence.




Peace and Joy,
~Sandy
www.homelearningnaturally.blogspot.com




__________________________________
Yahoo! FareChase: Search multiple travel sites in one click.
http://farechase.yahoo.com


[email protected]

Do you and/or your husband model failures and struggling to succeed? Or does he only see you do things you're *really* good at?

Most adults only do things we're good at. We only cook what we're used to. We only build what we know. We only draw what we're comfortable with.

Does he SEE you screw up???

That's *really* important! My boys have watched me learn to garden---seven years of trials and errors. I keep bees: lost half a hive this year to swarm. I burn food every now and then---so although I'm a good cook, they know I'm not perfect. I tiled my kitchen and bathroom: there are little mistakes here and there as I learned as I tiled! <g> Some I fixed; some I left and can point out to you! <bwg> We do art projects all the time. They see me mess up---but *sometimes* my mess-ups end up even MORE spectacular than my perfect ones. Duncan (9) and I are now fencing---and he sees me get hit all the time---even by littler kids!

If you and your husband never try and fail, he may not know that that is even a possibility. Show him in what *you* do that it's how we learn something new. Find new, HARD projects---have fun!

~Kelly


Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://liveandlearnconference.org


-----Original Message-----
From: Donald and Sandra Winn <aplan4life@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Fri, 21 Oct 2005 07:02:42 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] I need help




" What does your son say when you talk to him about
your concerns?"

He just says, "Well, yeah, I don't know." We offer
everything for him and tell him that we'll try and do
whatever he wants and desires. Last week he wanted to
do a wood project, we had fun and he cut the boards
with a mighter saw and handsaw, all done outside, he
did great! My hubby's garage is a disaster so we
brought our project indoors to finish it. We needed
to make holes for dowels and he drilled a couple of
holes that were out of line, I offered to help him and
we had some spares so it was okay to make mistakes.
He just quit on me, gave up, "I can't make the holes
straight", I told him that it was okay, we can
practice on this piece to help us. Nope, that was it,
he just quit. So, I drilled the holes and then it was
time for the dowels. If anyone has ever worked with
dowels, you know that you can have one end in and when
you do the other the other side slips out. After one
time of that happening, he was finished helping with
dowels. He did put the finishing nails in with the
nail gun though, and he was good with that tool also.
If it is easy, he does it, but at the first site of
requiring effort, he quits.

He wanted so badly to have his own webpage and he
wanted to make it by himself. I asked him several
times, "are you sure?" "Yes" was his answer, so I
bought a website url for him, he sat on the computer,
we went to "Lizza Knows it All" (can't think of the
name) the very first instruction for building a site
and he was through, didn't want to even try. He said,
"I don't get it." then quit. I even offered to help
him with it, his answer, "No, that's alright, I just
don't want to do it." I never got after him for the
money spent or anything but I was upset that he just
didn't even want to "try" to get it. It doesn't
bother me if he doesn't want to do something, it
bothers me that he doesn't want to ever give anything
even the slightest bit of effort.

"Does he have a passion? Perhaps one sparked by TV?"

He said he wants to act, so I said "well, maybe we can
find something in the paper and you can audition for
something." His reaction? Oh, you have to do things
in front of people in order to act? I politely told
him yes, you'd probably have to read a script or
something. "Well, no that's alright, nevermind." We
can't afford acting lessons and such anyway so maybe
it's for the best.

He LOVES swimming but does not want to be on a swim
team in the area because they wear Speedos. We have a
pool and when it's warm, he's out there all of the
time. He enjoyed Karate but when he made yellow belt
and the requirements got tougher, he quit practicing
and just stayed there. That and the other kids in
class annoyed him, he wanted to learn, they only
wanted to goof off (understable since they're in
school all day).


"Perhaps it is an age thing? Where they go through a
> period of needing to simply receive input rather
> than actively engaging in activities."

Ds's stage with tv and video games has lasted, thus
far, almost 6 years. We love him and that is why we
are worried and getting frustrated.

I'm happy that your daughter found a passion, that is
so awesome. I even mentioned perhaps finding
something in our local 4H...total resistence.


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Kendra DeSimone

jlh44music <jlh44music@...> wrote:
(I'd be glad to email you what I submitted if you want to take a
look! Maybe there are some others from MA with elem age kids who
could do the same!)
Jann

Jann,

That would be great if you could email me a copy, thanks! It always helps to get lots of information and ideas.
I really hope I can get this worked out somehow.
~Kendra






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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]