Worst Case Scenario
Holly
Hi There,
I found out I may have cancer. I am concerned about my husband & son's
future. My son's "behind" according to "School Standards" and I'm just
worried about what's going to happen if I'm no longer here to unschool
him. My son will have to go to some type of school, most likely,
because my husband is unable to take him to work daily.
Have any of you thought of this or gone through this?
Holly
I found out I may have cancer. I am concerned about my husband & son's
future. My son's "behind" according to "School Standards" and I'm just
worried about what's going to happen if I'm no longer here to unschool
him. My son will have to go to some type of school, most likely,
because my husband is unable to take him to work daily.
Have any of you thought of this or gone through this?
Holly
[email protected]
I am sorry to hear you may have cancer. Cancer does not mean you will die.
There are many types and many ways to help. Do your research. and do NOT
just take one doctors opinions.
Michelle
-------Original Message-------
From: Holly
Date: 09/26/05 12:50:54
To: [email protected]
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Worst Case Scenario
Hi There,
I found out I may have cancer. I am concerned about my husband & son's
future. My son's "behind" according to "School Standards" and I'm just
worried about what's going to happen if I'm no longer here to unschool
him. My son will have to go to some type of school, most likely,
because my husband is unable to take him to work daily.
Have any of you thought of this or gone through this?
Holly
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
There are many types and many ways to help. Do your research. and do NOT
just take one doctors opinions.
Michelle
-------Original Message-------
From: Holly
Date: 09/26/05 12:50:54
To: [email protected]
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Worst Case Scenario
Hi There,
I found out I may have cancer. I am concerned about my husband & son's
future. My son's "behind" according to "School Standards" and I'm just
worried about what's going to happen if I'm no longer here to unschool
him. My son will have to go to some type of school, most likely,
because my husband is unable to take him to work daily.
Have any of you thought of this or gone through this?
Holly
SPONSORED LINKS Secondary school education Graduate school education Home
school education
Graduate school education online High school education Chicago school
education
YAHOO! GROUPS LINKS
Visit your group "unschoolingbasics" on the web.
To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
[email protected]
Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
soggyboysmom
--- In [email protected], "Holly" <hbinkley3@a...>
wrote:
now - leave off the worrying about school for a moment and focus on
getting yourself 'well'. If it's still in the 'may have' stage, ask
lots of questions, do lots of 2nd and 3rd and 4th opinions on
treatment options, etc. *Assume* things will work out positively
while -preparing- for if they don't.
School is not the only alternative to the situation. Any family or
friends who would be willing to provide "adult supervision" while DH
is at work? Any possibility that DH can work from home a couple days
per week or month? And, too, look around at the possible 'school
type' options - for example, is there a Sudbury Valley-style school
in your area (http://www.sudval.org/07_othe_01.html)? Are there
progressive type private schools around you? magnet schools that
might be of interest (arts magnets or science magnets, things DS
enjoys) and so on. Home or public school are not the only two
options - even if you get to a worst-case scenario. And, even
school isn't the worst case IF the person going in KNOWS there is
more to life and this is just for now.
Hugs
--Deb
wrote:
> Hi There,Oh dear Holly! First, I'd suggest you focus on what you need to do
>
> I found out I may have cancer. I am concerned about my husband &
>son's
> future. My son's "behind" according to "School Standards" and I'm
>just
> worried about what's going to happen if I'm no longer here to
>unschool
> him. My son will have to go to some type of school, most likely,
> because my husband is unable to take him to work daily.
>
> Have any of you thought of this or gone through this?
>
> Holly
now - leave off the worrying about school for a moment and focus on
getting yourself 'well'. If it's still in the 'may have' stage, ask
lots of questions, do lots of 2nd and 3rd and 4th opinions on
treatment options, etc. *Assume* things will work out positively
while -preparing- for if they don't.
School is not the only alternative to the situation. Any family or
friends who would be willing to provide "adult supervision" while DH
is at work? Any possibility that DH can work from home a couple days
per week or month? And, too, look around at the possible 'school
type' options - for example, is there a Sudbury Valley-style school
in your area (http://www.sudval.org/07_othe_01.html)? Are there
progressive type private schools around you? magnet schools that
might be of interest (arts magnets or science magnets, things DS
enjoys) and so on. Home or public school are not the only two
options - even if you get to a worst-case scenario. And, even
school isn't the worst case IF the person going in KNOWS there is
more to life and this is just for now.
Hugs
--Deb
Holly
Thank-you Deb, for your "Hugs" and your quick response. My first
pathology test showed positive, I'm now waiting for the second
opinion...We don't know how aggressive this is as of yet, we have a
specialist reviewing the case now.
I have saved your response and will look into some of your suggestions.
We do have some homeschooling friends, but they are not close friends,
and no family in the area...
Thank-you again.
pathology test showed positive, I'm now waiting for the second
opinion...We don't know how aggressive this is as of yet, we have a
specialist reviewing the case now.
I have saved your response and will look into some of your suggestions.
We do have some homeschooling friends, but they are not close friends,
and no family in the area...
Thank-you again.
soggyboysmom
--- In [email protected], "Holly" <hbinkley3@a...>
wrote:
colon cancer survivor - you're younger and start out healthier
probably). Don't necessarily look only to homeschooling families. If
you've got a couple of close friends who would simply be willing to
provide 'child care' a few days per week, that's all you'd need. The
homeschooling families might be handy for transportation for DS to
and from assorted activities (park days, co-op type
activities, 'field trips' with their hs group if they have one,
etc). Stuff that DH might not be able to do simply because they
occur during the day time.
On the worst case side, if you've ever worked, your spouse, as
guardian, would get some small amount of money in 'survivor's
benefit' from what you've paid in to Social Security. Perhaps that
would help pay for either child care or a relaxed private school or
maybe even, depending on your state laws, someone to act as a
private tutor at your home. For that matter, maybe some sort of room
and board in exchange for child care deal (sort of au pair style)
might be doable at that point (especially if you are near a
university - college kids can be a good resource).
--Deb
wrote:
> Thank-you Deb, for your "Hugs" and your quick response. My firsta
> pathology test showed positive, I'm now waiting for the second
> opinion...We don't know how aggressive this is as of yet, we have
> specialist reviewing the case now.I do hope it turns out well treatable (hey my 87 yr old aunt is a
>
> I have saved your response and will look into some of your
>suggestions.
> We do have some homeschooling friends, but they are not close
>friends,
> and no family in the area...
>
> Thank-you again.
colon cancer survivor - you're younger and start out healthier
probably). Don't necessarily look only to homeschooling families. If
you've got a couple of close friends who would simply be willing to
provide 'child care' a few days per week, that's all you'd need. The
homeschooling families might be handy for transportation for DS to
and from assorted activities (park days, co-op type
activities, 'field trips' with their hs group if they have one,
etc). Stuff that DH might not be able to do simply because they
occur during the day time.
On the worst case side, if you've ever worked, your spouse, as
guardian, would get some small amount of money in 'survivor's
benefit' from what you've paid in to Social Security. Perhaps that
would help pay for either child care or a relaxed private school or
maybe even, depending on your state laws, someone to act as a
private tutor at your home. For that matter, maybe some sort of room
and board in exchange for child care deal (sort of au pair style)
might be doable at that point (especially if you are near a
university - college kids can be a good resource).
--Deb
Nichole Fausey-Khosraviani
Hi Holly,
I'm so sorry to hear this news. I have thought about this issue a lot in my
own life and we have a plan worked out already should that situation come to
pass. My friends will take care of my daughter and help my husband find
someone to be with her daily as a sort of nanny-type person. I know the my
friends will pick the right person and they will be able to check on her
frequently and they have no problem firing her if she's not what they
expected. They will "educate" her in unschooling if she doesn't already
know what that is, and get to know her as best they can. She will have to
spend a lot of time with them anyway since many of my daughter's activities
include spending time with our unschooling friends and their children.
Warmest regards,
Nichole
_____
From: [email protected]
[mailto:[email protected]] On Behalf Of Holly
Sent: Monday, September 26, 2005 11:56 AM
To: [email protected]
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Worst Case Scenario
Hi There,
I found out I may have cancer. I am concerned about my husband & son's
future. My son's "behind" according to "School Standards" and I'm just
worried about what's going to happen if I'm no longer here to unschool
him. My son will have to go to some type of school, most likely,
because my husband is unable to take him to work daily.
Have any of you thought of this or gone through this?
Holly
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I'm so sorry to hear this news. I have thought about this issue a lot in my
own life and we have a plan worked out already should that situation come to
pass. My friends will take care of my daughter and help my husband find
someone to be with her daily as a sort of nanny-type person. I know the my
friends will pick the right person and they will be able to check on her
frequently and they have no problem firing her if she's not what they
expected. They will "educate" her in unschooling if she doesn't already
know what that is, and get to know her as best they can. She will have to
spend a lot of time with them anyway since many of my daughter's activities
include spending time with our unschooling friends and their children.
Warmest regards,
Nichole
_____
From: [email protected]
[mailto:[email protected]] On Behalf Of Holly
Sent: Monday, September 26, 2005 11:56 AM
To: [email protected]
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Worst Case Scenario
Hi There,
I found out I may have cancer. I am concerned about my husband & son's
future. My son's "behind" according to "School Standards" and I'm just
worried about what's going to happen if I'm no longer here to unschool
him. My son will have to go to some type of school, most likely,
because my husband is unable to take him to work daily.
Have any of you thought of this or gone through this?
Holly
SPONSORED LINKS
Secondary
<http://groups.yahoo.com/gads?t=ms&k=Secondary+school+education&w1=Secondary
+school+education&w2=Graduate+school+education&w3=Home+school+education&w4=G
raduate+school+education+online&w5=High+school+education&w6=Chicago+school+e
ducation&c=6&s=185&.sig=ZmtJ9eV8jDgLVf_rQitp3g> school education
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<http://groups.yahoo.com/gads?t=ms&k=Graduate+school+education&w1=Secondary+
school+education&w2=Graduate+school+education&w3=Home+school+education&w4=Gr
aduate+school+education+online&w5=High+school+education&w6=Chicago+school+ed
ucation&c=6&s=185&.sig=_ar44lA2aVf7qUVJT2dfbA> school education Home
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Robyn Coburn
<<<< I found out I may have cancer. I am concerned about my husband & son's
future. My son's "behind" according to "School Standards" and I'm just
worried about what's going to happen if I'm no longer here to unschool
him. My son will have to go to some type of school, most likely,
because my husband is unable to take him to work daily. >>>>>
Dear Holly,
I'm so sorry to hear this. The only thing remotely similar to your situation
that I have experienced is a recent "bad" pap smear, a situation my doctor
and I are monitoring. It is a loooong way from life threatening. However it
did give me pause a little.
The first thing that I thought of was to reiterate to myself and my family
how very grateful I am for the lifestyle we have, and my determination to
hang on to this feeling of wonder and joy. One way that I do that is by
focusing on the present as much as possible.
When something as serious as a life threatening illness appears in our lives
making statements based on our past experience may be mentally closing the
door to new options. What I am referring to is the idea that you express,
perhaps unwittingly, that your dh would be unwilling or unable to change
*his* life, and would carry on as if nothing were different either while you
are undergoing any needed treatments, or if the worst happened and you
didn't recover.
Most work places, although I don't know what your dh does, have
compassionate or family leave - sometimes it is possible to combine accrued
sick days, vacation days and family leave to extend the time off. I hope you
and your dh can talk in terms of possibilities instead of impossibilities.
Please keep us posted.
Robyn L. Coburn
--
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future. My son's "behind" according to "School Standards" and I'm just
worried about what's going to happen if I'm no longer here to unschool
him. My son will have to go to some type of school, most likely,
because my husband is unable to take him to work daily. >>>>>
Dear Holly,
I'm so sorry to hear this. The only thing remotely similar to your situation
that I have experienced is a recent "bad" pap smear, a situation my doctor
and I are monitoring. It is a loooong way from life threatening. However it
did give me pause a little.
The first thing that I thought of was to reiterate to myself and my family
how very grateful I am for the lifestyle we have, and my determination to
hang on to this feeling of wonder and joy. One way that I do that is by
focusing on the present as much as possible.
When something as serious as a life threatening illness appears in our lives
making statements based on our past experience may be mentally closing the
door to new options. What I am referring to is the idea that you express,
perhaps unwittingly, that your dh would be unwilling or unable to change
*his* life, and would carry on as if nothing were different either while you
are undergoing any needed treatments, or if the worst happened and you
didn't recover.
Most work places, although I don't know what your dh does, have
compassionate or family leave - sometimes it is possible to combine accrued
sick days, vacation days and family leave to extend the time off. I hope you
and your dh can talk in terms of possibilities instead of impossibilities.
Please keep us posted.
Robyn L. Coburn
--
No virus found in this outgoing message.
Checked by AVG Anti-Virus.
Version: 7.0.344 / Virus Database: 267.11.6/111 - Release Date: 9/23/2005
jlh44music
--- In [email protected], "pmteet@s..." <pmteet@s...>
wrote:
do NOT just take one doctors opinions.>>>>
I agree! I don't know what type or where this cancer is (and I'm not
prying) but get many more opinions. Cancer is NOT necessarily a death
threat. I have friends who have been diagnosed with various types of
cancer and have survived it (a friend with breast cancer, my dad had
colon cancer 15 years ago, he'll be 81 this year). Don't give up and
ask lots of questions, do your research. Find support group, FIGHT
BACK! Whatever it takes. Don't give up.
Hugs,
Jann
wrote:
> I am sorry to hear you may have cancer. Cancer does not mean you willdie. There are many types and many ways to help. Do your research. and
do NOT just take one doctors opinions.>>>>
I agree! I don't know what type or where this cancer is (and I'm not
prying) but get many more opinions. Cancer is NOT necessarily a death
threat. I have friends who have been diagnosed with various types of
cancer and have survived it (a friend with breast cancer, my dad had
colon cancer 15 years ago, he'll be 81 this year). Don't give up and
ask lots of questions, do your research. Find support group, FIGHT
BACK! Whatever it takes. Don't give up.
Hugs,
Jann
jlh44music
--- In [email protected], "jlh44music"
<jlh44music@y...> wrote:
supportive.
Jann
<jlh44music@y...> wrote:
> Cancer is NOT necessarily a death threat.>>>>I meant death sentence, sorry, I'm trying to be comforting and
supportive.
Jann
Deb Lewis
***I found out I may have cancer. I am concerned about my husband & son's
future. My son's "behind" according to "School Standards" and I'm just
worried about what's going to happen if I'm no longer here to unschool
him. My son will have to go to some type of school, most likely,
because my husband is unable to take him to work daily.***
If you pursue treatment you might have five or more years even if it's a
difficult case. Your treatment will not keep you away from your home or
family. Your son can go with you to chemo or radiation. In five years
of happy unschooling your husband and son will have the confidence to
find a way to continue to unschool. Your son will be five years older.
All parents worry what their children would do without them and none of
us know how long we have or how long our kids have. I hope your case is
the best possible scenario.
Deb Lewis
future. My son's "behind" according to "School Standards" and I'm just
worried about what's going to happen if I'm no longer here to unschool
him. My son will have to go to some type of school, most likely,
because my husband is unable to take him to work daily.***
If you pursue treatment you might have five or more years even if it's a
difficult case. Your treatment will not keep you away from your home or
family. Your son can go with you to chemo or radiation. In five years
of happy unschooling your husband and son will have the confidence to
find a way to continue to unschool. Your son will be five years older.
All parents worry what their children would do without them and none of
us know how long we have or how long our kids have. I hope your case is
the best possible scenario.
Deb Lewis
Donald and Sandra Winn
Holly,
I must echo the others here on getting a second
opinion and not giving up. There are so many
treatments available now, that is in your favor.
Also, there are numerous healthy eating books on the
market to help combat and fight back cancer.
At the same time, I understand your concerns and hope
the best for you and your family. I cannot imagine
what you're going through right now. Embrace your
loved ones and draw from their strength.
Peace and Joy,
~Sandy
www.homelearningnaturally.blogspot.com
__________________________________
Yahoo! Mail - PC Magazine Editors' Choice 2005
http://mail.yahoo.com
I must echo the others here on getting a second
opinion and not giving up. There are so many
treatments available now, that is in your favor.
Also, there are numerous healthy eating books on the
market to help combat and fight back cancer.
At the same time, I understand your concerns and hope
the best for you and your family. I cannot imagine
what you're going through right now. Embrace your
loved ones and draw from their strength.
Peace and Joy,
~Sandy
www.homelearningnaturally.blogspot.com
__________________________________
Yahoo! Mail - PC Magazine Editors' Choice 2005
http://mail.yahoo.com
[email protected]
----Original Message-----
From: Holly hbinkley3@...
I found out I may have cancer. I am concerned about my husband & son's
future. My son's "behind" according to "School Standards" and I'm just
worried about what's going to happen if I'm no longer here to unschool
him. My son will have to go to some type of school, most likely,
because my husband is unable to take him to work daily.
Have any of you thought of this or gone through this?
-=-=-=-
First, I'm so sorry that you have to go through the process of even thinking about it.
But as some have already said, have a positive attitude: it may actually be nothing.
Where do you live, Holly? I'm sure we can hook you up---or help start a network, at least---of unschoolers in your area that can give you advice and help your husband make things work.
On a sad, but hopeful, note---and this is for ALL parents because we never know what will happen from day-to-day: I'd like to suggest that you---and that we ALL---take a day to sit down with a video recorder and speak to our children. Tell them about us, about how it felt to hold them for the first time. Our hopes and dreams for them, the reasons we chose to unschool, etc.
*Any*thing could happen to any of us any time. Having such a video could be such a comfort to a young child---hell, to ANY child!
When it's too late, it's too late. Do it now. Do it soon. And add to it as they grow.
If something *were* to happen to you, Holly, or to any of us---young memories come hard sometimes---how we look, how we sound, what we want, how much we love them...these things can become fuzzy. A little piece of us on tape could be a very special gift.
I hope your doctor's wrong. I hope you have a long, long life and can hold that boy forever. But if not, this could be something he can have of you and cherish forever.
I wish you the very best!
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
October 6-9, 2005
http://liveandlearnconference.org
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
From: Holly hbinkley3@...
I found out I may have cancer. I am concerned about my husband & son's
future. My son's "behind" according to "School Standards" and I'm just
worried about what's going to happen if I'm no longer here to unschool
him. My son will have to go to some type of school, most likely,
because my husband is unable to take him to work daily.
Have any of you thought of this or gone through this?
-=-=-=-
First, I'm so sorry that you have to go through the process of even thinking about it.
But as some have already said, have a positive attitude: it may actually be nothing.
Where do you live, Holly? I'm sure we can hook you up---or help start a network, at least---of unschoolers in your area that can give you advice and help your husband make things work.
On a sad, but hopeful, note---and this is for ALL parents because we never know what will happen from day-to-day: I'd like to suggest that you---and that we ALL---take a day to sit down with a video recorder and speak to our children. Tell them about us, about how it felt to hold them for the first time. Our hopes and dreams for them, the reasons we chose to unschool, etc.
*Any*thing could happen to any of us any time. Having such a video could be such a comfort to a young child---hell, to ANY child!
When it's too late, it's too late. Do it now. Do it soon. And add to it as they grow.
If something *were* to happen to you, Holly, or to any of us---young memories come hard sometimes---how we look, how we sound, what we want, how much we love them...these things can become fuzzy. A little piece of us on tape could be a very special gift.
I hope your doctor's wrong. I hope you have a long, long life and can hold that boy forever. But if not, this could be something he can have of you and cherish forever.
I wish you the very best!
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
October 6-9, 2005
http://liveandlearnconference.org
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Holly
Thank-you to everyone for your responses. I truly appreciate it and
have copied your posts into a file so that I can think about everything.
I'm the type of person who likes to annalyze a situation and plan
accordingly. For Example, I believe that I will be around here for
awhile, but, I want to have some sort of plan in the event that the
cancer is an aggressive type.
The first diagnosis was ovarian cancer, grade 1, which means it's a non-
aggressive slow moving type. However, I was informed by my doctor that
the type of cancer I have is rare and that he knows that the local
pathology department doesn't have much experience, so I have since gone
to another doctor and the report/slides will be reviewed by a
specialist at USC. (I am in So. Calif.).
I will post again when I know more. Thank-you for all of the wonderful
suggestions...a nanny with my Survivor's Benefits, a remembrance video,
coop with other unschoolers, whew! A lot to ponder! Thank-you Again!!
have copied your posts into a file so that I can think about everything.
I'm the type of person who likes to annalyze a situation and plan
accordingly. For Example, I believe that I will be around here for
awhile, but, I want to have some sort of plan in the event that the
cancer is an aggressive type.
The first diagnosis was ovarian cancer, grade 1, which means it's a non-
aggressive slow moving type. However, I was informed by my doctor that
the type of cancer I have is rare and that he knows that the local
pathology department doesn't have much experience, so I have since gone
to another doctor and the report/slides will be reviewed by a
specialist at USC. (I am in So. Calif.).
I will post again when I know more. Thank-you for all of the wonderful
suggestions...a nanny with my Survivor's Benefits, a remembrance video,
coop with other unschoolers, whew! A lot to ponder! Thank-you Again!!
jlh44music
> I will post again when I know more. Thank-you for all of thewonderful suggestions...a nanny with my Survivor's Benefits, a
remembrance video, coop with other unschoolers, whew! A lot to ponder!
Thank-you Again!!>>>
Yes, please keep us posted. Sometimes it helps to write your thoughts
out and share them. You'll be in my thoughts.
Jann (in MA)
Krisula Moyer
Don't know if this will help...but
I asked a friend to agree to "nanny" my kids if anything ever happened to
me. She spends lots of time with us and gets unschooling. Dh and I agreed
to use the insurance money should I die to pay for services to help the kids
stay home and pursue their interests. My friend is (for now at least)
single no kids and she loves me and mine. The plan is for her to spend
"work time" with my kids helping them and stuff and that Eric would pay her
and make sure to help her get whatever education she wants. She has wanted
to finish her degree but finances have been in the way.
Each year I'll probably reevaluate. Her life won't stay as free and open as
it is now but for now this has eased my mind.
May your diagnosis and treatment be easy to bear. For now do what you can
to love yourself and your kids.
you're in my thoughts and prayers,
Krisula
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I asked a friend to agree to "nanny" my kids if anything ever happened to
me. She spends lots of time with us and gets unschooling. Dh and I agreed
to use the insurance money should I die to pay for services to help the kids
stay home and pursue their interests. My friend is (for now at least)
single no kids and she loves me and mine. The plan is for her to spend
"work time" with my kids helping them and stuff and that Eric would pay her
and make sure to help her get whatever education she wants. She has wanted
to finish her degree but finances have been in the way.
Each year I'll probably reevaluate. Her life won't stay as free and open as
it is now but for now this has eased my mind.
May your diagnosis and treatment be easy to bear. For now do what you can
to love yourself and your kids.
you're in my thoughts and prayers,
Krisula
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]