jlh44music

>>Unschooling is partly about preserving the excitement, not putting
roadblocks into it - even small ones.>>>
> It is an interruption to your child's excitement and growing
journey towards reading to have to go and look up something.>>>>

** these are MY thoughts about what Robyn wrote:**

This also happens when my daughter writes. At the moment she's not
writing much except online with her game (short comments while
playing and usually in "shorthand" because it's fast paced - "u" for
you etc, she knows it's not the "correct" way to spell, it's part of
playing the game). Last year when she was in school I often scribed
(typed) her thoughts for her (also, she was on a 504
plan/accommodations, which allows for scribing) because she couldn't
type or write them fast enough (she was also evaluated by an
occupational therapist and has a few small motor issues, none of
which matter in the unschooling world, I used that info to try to get
her more help in school - HA!). If I were to "make" her write/type
her assignments, it would have squashed what little enjoyment she had
left about learning (she knew she would be homeschooling at the end
of the year, and her language arts teacher who assigned these writing
assignments was the only one who "understood" her, and my dd knew it,
so she felt encouraged when she "did her best", even if that meant I
typed her paragraphs for her. They were her words and I think she
learned more about editing, rethinking how to state something etc by
us doing that together. It gave her the freedom to let her creative
juices flow by not being bogged down with "writing"). She learns a
lot by talking things through, brainstorming.

> If you have a fear that your child will never learn how to look
stuff up unless you force her to do so from an early age, let us put
your mind at rest. It won't be long until you find that you *don't
have* the answers to her questions, which is the perfect time to
start saying "Let's look that up on the internet....at the
library....in the encyclopedia." >>>>

Stacey, I used to worry about her not being able to "look things up"
or "write paragraphs" etc. I don't have the wonderful words of
wisdom and experience that Robyn and others offer (thank you Robyn!)
but I CAN offer you my perspective, from someone VERY new to
unschooling. When I first started reading about kids being allowed
to explore things at their own pace, child led learning (yeah, that
was a hard one at first for me!), I really had to absorb this concept.
I hope you are able to get some of those books Kelly suggested -
after reading them, I hope you will be able to understand more (it
takes time).

> Any process that puts even a small barrier between the two of you is
detrimental to building relationships (the core of Unschooling
practice). One bad result of not straightforwardly answering her
questions is that she might stop asking you stuff altogether....>>>

I didn't have a very good relationship with my mother. I lost her 11
years ago to cancer and tried to talk to her before she died; it was
very hard for me, because I still felt like I was 12 years old, but I
reached out to her, and she shut me out. I had no closure, no sense
of understanding, no feeling of acceptance of the adult I had
become. My dd was 2 at the time. One thing I vowed to myself, even
before my mother died, was that I would NOT make my dd feel the way
my mother made me feel (I always felt she was ANGRY at me, it wasn't
anything specific, just a feeling that I wasn't OK to be who I
was, "warts and all"). Mutual respect is very hard for a lot of
adults, they think they have to "be in charge" and "set the rules",
THEY know better, THEY know what's best. Yes, I think there are
certain "rules" about safety that are important, but beyond that, our
children are human beings too, and the best way for them to learn to
respect others (as well as themselves!) is to treat them with
respect. The need to know their thoughts and feeling are valid and
important. Where else but the safety of our home can they explore
that and feel safe.

This concept, though "sort of" in the back of my mind, based on what
I just said about my relationship with my mother, didn't fully make
sense until I started learning more about unschooling. With each
new idea, or perhaps reading the way another long time and
experienced unschooler wrote a post, it drew me in. Last year,
while my dd was still in school, but I KNEW we would be homeschooling
the following school year (she wanted to try middle school last year,
now she knows what she WON'T be missing!), I started to work on
changing how I related to her. I relaxed more about homework etc (I
never made an issue about grades, the rest of the issues she had in
school is another story that I won't go into here). Yes, she had to
do it, but I helped her work through some things that maybe another
parent would have FORCED their child to do all on their own (if they
don't understand how to write a few paragraphs, how to get started,
how to organize it, even if they'd done it in class, then how can
letting them "do it on their own", struggling and hating that they
don't know what to do going to HELP them. It only adds to the loss
of love of learning that I saw was happening in my dd).

It also reinforced to me that, since I was spending all my free time
(I WAS working almost full time during the day) working with her way
beyond the 2 hrs or whatever it was that they said should be the max
time it takes to do homework, I might as well homeschool her! And
be more effective about it.

My dd has been deschooling since June, I've let her do what she wants
(sleep a long as she wants, she's not a morning person), play on the
computer, play video games. Kids who have always been in school
need this time to heal, they need to get the "schooly" way of
learning out of their heads so that they can then be open to knowing
what it is they TRULY are interested in. She's got the basics down,
now is the time to work towards finding what she loves. When kids
pursue their true passions, REAL learning occurs. It IS really hard
to understand until you see it in action.

> That may not seem like much of a loss when it's the relatively
trivial "how do you spell....?" several times a day, or "what
does ....mean?" But what about when she is *not* asking you the
sometimes alarming questions like "what does STD mean?", or the deeply
> profound ones like "what happens when you die?" or "what do you
believe in?" However possibly the worst result could be that she
stops answering your questions to her.>>>>

I can SEE the healing. I can feel it. She can be very anxious, and
being home has freed her from some of the anxiety that school was
producing in her. By treating her with respect, listening to her
describe what she's doing on her game, really taking the time to
listen and hear the joy it brings her, I "see" what she's learning
(I'm amazed). It just doesn't look like "school" and this will be
hard to let go of at first. This is something that, because of the
joy, she's absorbing and assimilating in a way that would never
happen if she were being forced to do, say, common denominators or
whatever. There's no reason kids NEED to learn certain things at
certain ages. Really! Think about it as you read more and more
about the philosophy of unschooling.
Jann