Re: Adoptive parents/unschooling
[email protected]
I have some questions for you folks who've adopted older kids. How old were
your kids when you adopted them? How was going through the process as an
unschooler (if you already were)? What other stuff do I want to know? LOL
Kathryn
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
your kids when you adopted them? How was going through the process as an
unschooler (if you already were)? What other stuff do I want to know? LOL
Kathryn
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
billyandjoanne
--- In [email protected], KathrynJB@a... wrote:
the process as an unschooler (if you already were)? What other stuff
do I want to know? LOL
Kathryn>>>>>>>
Hi Kathryn....
My children were 5, 8 & 11 (we adopted them as siblings) when the
adoption was finalized. That was in Oct. of 2003.
We didn't have other children before them so no, we weren't
unschooling at that time.
Adopting older children (any child over the age of 2 is considered
older) is not easy but in the end it can work out to be the most
rewarding thing you've done with your life. These children have been
through things (in their biological home and/or in foster care) that
we only have nightmares about and it changes them. When their abuse
and neglect happens during an age span where major development, they
don't develop as they they should have. One of the major issues we
deal with is attachment disorder.
Removing them from school is the best thing we've done for them. My
children (mostly the older two) are very easily influenced and
pursuaded plus, having attachment disorder makes them "trust"
strangers more than us so having them in school was not helping them
heal. They thrive on routine and knowing what is expected of them.
We have to actually re-parent them.
You'll have to decide what you CAN'T handle if you decide to adopt
older kids. We knew that we couldn't handle animal abuse or severe
violence and we told the case workers that. My older two children
deal with the effects of sexual abuse and we have to parent them
accordingly.
It's not all bad though! LOL I just believe in going into this with
open eyes. My kids are healing and making progress every day.
I have an active and private online community for adoptive parents
(and also those who want to adopt) if you're interested in more
information.
Joanne
>>>>> I have some questions for you folks who've adopted older kids.How old were your kids when you adopted them? How was going through
the process as an unschooler (if you already were)? What other stuff
do I want to know? LOL
Kathryn>>>>>>>
Hi Kathryn....
My children were 5, 8 & 11 (we adopted them as siblings) when the
adoption was finalized. That was in Oct. of 2003.
We didn't have other children before them so no, we weren't
unschooling at that time.
Adopting older children (any child over the age of 2 is considered
older) is not easy but in the end it can work out to be the most
rewarding thing you've done with your life. These children have been
through things (in their biological home and/or in foster care) that
we only have nightmares about and it changes them. When their abuse
and neglect happens during an age span where major development, they
don't develop as they they should have. One of the major issues we
deal with is attachment disorder.
Removing them from school is the best thing we've done for them. My
children (mostly the older two) are very easily influenced and
pursuaded plus, having attachment disorder makes them "trust"
strangers more than us so having them in school was not helping them
heal. They thrive on routine and knowing what is expected of them.
We have to actually re-parent them.
You'll have to decide what you CAN'T handle if you decide to adopt
older kids. We knew that we couldn't handle animal abuse or severe
violence and we told the case workers that. My older two children
deal with the effects of sexual abuse and we have to parent them
accordingly.
It's not all bad though! LOL I just believe in going into this with
open eyes. My kids are healing and making progress every day.
I have an active and private online community for adoptive parents
(and also those who want to adopt) if you're interested in more
information.
Joanne
billyandjoanne
I realised in re-reading my post I left part of a sentence off.
I said:
<<<When their abuse
and neglect happens during an age span where major development, they
don't develop as they they should have. One of the major issues we
deal with is attachment disorder.>>>
I meant to say..."during an age span where major development is
happening...". When a child, during the ages of birth and about 2, is
not given the opportunity to bond with their primary care giver, they
can develop attachment disorder. Both of my older ones have RAD
(reactive attachment disorder) but they don't have it so severe that
they can not heal.
Anyway...I hope this answers your questions. :-) Feel free to contact
me if you have any more!
I said:
<<<When their abuse
and neglect happens during an age span where major development, they
don't develop as they they should have. One of the major issues we
deal with is attachment disorder.>>>
I meant to say..."during an age span where major development is
happening...". When a child, during the ages of birth and about 2, is
not given the opportunity to bond with their primary care giver, they
can develop attachment disorder. Both of my older ones have RAD
(reactive attachment disorder) but they don't have it so severe that
they can not heal.
Anyway...I hope this answers your questions. :-) Feel free to contact
me if you have any more!
camden
Hi Kathryn,
We have adopted 5 kids. They were ages 3 months, 1 yr, 18 months, 3 yrs, and
6 yrs when they came to live with us. I can definitely tell the difference
between the youngest 4 and the oldest. Our oldest adopted is now 15 and
went thru years of problems. But as far as the schooling portion of
things......... our youngest birth child was in public school until 2nd
grade. We made the decision to pull him with the help of my best friend
(who was a great unschooler....... her two are all grown up now). When we
pulled him our other children were still foster children and the state
wouldn't allow them to be pulled, but as soon as the papers were signed out
they came. Our 15 yr old needed to be pulled long before the adoption was
finalized. But our social worker was questioning our homeschooling thru the
process, so when the question came up as to whether we were planning on
pulling the boys I outright lied. Told her no, with her line of
questioning I believe she would have given us an extremely hard time
throughout the adoption if we had told them before the ink was to be dried
they were coming home to stay and not return to public school. And yes, I
know that was being dishonest but in the interest of the kids we did what we
had to do. The other thing is when I pulled my youngest bio child I did the
school at home thing....... but over the years we are walking more and more
down the unschooling path. Its taken us awhile to get here but I try real
hard not to let that public school thinking I was brought up in sneak in and
take over :)
If there is anything else I help with (or you just need to vent or question)
drop me a line.
Carol (in Maine) where is raining like heck & scaring our daughter, she
doesn't like all the lightning & thunder
*******************
Subject: Re: Adoptive parents/unschooling
I have some questions for you folks who've adopted older kids. How old were
your kids when you adopted them? How was going through the process as an
unschooler (if you already were)? What other stuff do I want to know? LOL
Kathryn
________________________________________________________________________
We have adopted 5 kids. They were ages 3 months, 1 yr, 18 months, 3 yrs, and
6 yrs when they came to live with us. I can definitely tell the difference
between the youngest 4 and the oldest. Our oldest adopted is now 15 and
went thru years of problems. But as far as the schooling portion of
things......... our youngest birth child was in public school until 2nd
grade. We made the decision to pull him with the help of my best friend
(who was a great unschooler....... her two are all grown up now). When we
pulled him our other children were still foster children and the state
wouldn't allow them to be pulled, but as soon as the papers were signed out
they came. Our 15 yr old needed to be pulled long before the adoption was
finalized. But our social worker was questioning our homeschooling thru the
process, so when the question came up as to whether we were planning on
pulling the boys I outright lied. Told her no, with her line of
questioning I believe she would have given us an extremely hard time
throughout the adoption if we had told them before the ink was to be dried
they were coming home to stay and not return to public school. And yes, I
know that was being dishonest but in the interest of the kids we did what we
had to do. The other thing is when I pulled my youngest bio child I did the
school at home thing....... but over the years we are walking more and more
down the unschooling path. Its taken us awhile to get here but I try real
hard not to let that public school thinking I was brought up in sneak in and
take over :)
If there is anything else I help with (or you just need to vent or question)
drop me a line.
Carol (in Maine) where is raining like heck & scaring our daughter, she
doesn't like all the lightning & thunder
*******************
Subject: Re: Adoptive parents/unschooling
I have some questions for you folks who've adopted older kids. How old were
your kids when you adopted them? How was going through the process as an
unschooler (if you already were)? What other stuff do I want to know? LOL
Kathryn
________________________________________________________________________