Tricia

Hi folks,

I'm new to the group and would like some advice. We are in Florida by
the way, so I have been checking into the 'laws' of unschooling. It
seems to me that Florida is pretty relaxed, am I right?

Ok, our story is this.... we have 2 children, Ethan just turned 4 and
his sister is 18 months. I've been a SAHM since Ethan was born. I'm a
very hands-on mommy, the kids are always with me and we spend lots of
time together. We are Attachment Parents and practice Gentle
Discipline.

Ethan is extremely smart, he learns very quickly and asks lots of
questions. I guess you can say we've always unschooled, he's learned
so much through everyday life. He's never been away from me, meaning
he's never been in any sort of school setting and has never shown any
interest in going.

I do feel guilty at times when Ethan's begging for kids to play with
(such as the neighborhood kids) and they are all at school. But then
again, he never says he wants to go to school, too. I have asked him
if he'd like to go to school and he says "No, I want to be home with
you, Mommy" which makes me very happy! But he doesn't know what school
is and has nothing to compare being home to.

I've always, always planned on keeping the kids home and
unschooling/homeschooling them. My husband and I both had awful school
experiences and hated school! I cried through K and some of 1st grade,
and I do believe that made me despise school somewhat! I just wasn't
ready and wanted to be at home with my mother so bad. And even later
on in school when I was considered "popular" I
hated going and would've chosen to stay home if given the chance. I
ended up quitting school in the 10th grade and getting my GED.
Ironically, my husband has a similar experience in school that ended
the same way.

So, having said all that, I do worry that I(WE) don't have enough
education to teach/help our kids through their school years. Do any of
you worry about this?

And to top it off, there's a great Charter school opening near us for
K-8. It's basically the result of our Montessori/Waldorf schools only
going to 1st grade. It sounds like a great opportunity and now has me
questioning my decision to keep Ethan home. NOT because I want him to
go off to school (the thought gives me a panic attack) BUT I don't
want to sell him short either and this school will be offering The
arts (music, movement, physical arts(pottery, drawing, etc) Waldorf
handworking and rhythm, Montessori self-directed, self-correcting
materials, and unschooling techniques of letting kids learn through
everyday life with Multi-age groups so kids can feel comfortable
working above or below their grade level.

Since it's a charter school, it's considered public (free) but very
parent-led. It's probably going to be very hard to get accepted into
this school since spots are limited. I'm just not sure if I should try
or not. I would never leave Ethan at school (or anywhere) that he
didn't want to be. But he enjoys other children so much that I wonder
if he'd enjoy it?

If you had a chance at what sounded like a great school, do you think
it's woth it or is it always better to homeschool/unschool?

Any advice for me? I just want to do the right thing and I realy
stress out about the "school" issue!

Thanks,
Tricia

[email protected]

Welcome Tricia!
To tell the truth, I was never wild about school either, and I am
deliriously happy we've unschooled. But I also don't believe school is inherently evil
or wrong for every family. That said, I have very simple advice for you.
Your son doesn't want to go to school and you don't want to send him. Don't!!!!

You're worried that you're not smart enough to help your bright child learn.
Think about this: are the most important things you've learned in life
things you learned in a classroom setting? I bet not! You learned about parenting,
functioning as an adult, and probably many other things. You've read, you've
talked to people, explored. You had enough curiosity about parenting, for
example, to discover approaches your mom had never heard of!

And you and and your husband are not going to be the only people who help
your son learn. There's a whole world out there you can explore together. You
can help him find his passions and nurture them and help him find resources. If
he discovers a passion for nuclear physics at age 8, you'll find people who
are thrilled to share their love for nuclear physics with so young a child.

You'll find people of all ages, not just age-peers, who will become Ethan's
friends. Ultimately that matters more than becoming friends with someone just
because they sit next to each other in school and are both exactly six years
old.

You can do this. We'll help!

Kathryn

***********************
In a message dated 3/26/2005 10:05:52 AM Eastern Standard Time,
[email protected] writes:

Hi folks,

I'm new to the group and would like some advice. We are in Florida by
the way, so I have been checking into the 'laws' of unschooling. It
seems to me that Florida is pretty relaxed, am I right?

Ok, our story is this.... we have 2 children, Ethan just turned 4 and
his sister is 18 months. I've been a SAHM since Ethan was born. I'm a
very hands-on mommy, the kids are always with me and we spend lots of
time together. We are Attachment Parents and practice Gentle
Discipline.

Ethan is extremely smart, he learns very quickly and asks lots of
questions. I guess you can say we've always unschooled, he's learned
so much through everyday life. He's never been away from me, meaning
he's never been in any sort of school setting and has never shown any
interest in going.

I do feel guilty at times when Ethan's begging for kids to play with
(such as the neighborhood kids) and they are all at school. But then
again, he never says he wants to go to school, too. I have asked him
if he'd like to go to school and he says "No, I want to be home with
you, Mommy" which makes me very happy! But he doesn't know what school
is and has nothing to compare being home to.

I've always, always planned on keeping the kids home and
unschooling/homeschooling them. My husband and I both had awful school
experiences and hated school! I cried through K and some of 1st grade,
and I do believe that made me despise school somewhat! I just wasn't
ready and wanted to be at home with my mother so bad. And even later
on in school when I was considered "popular" I
hated going and would've chosen to stay home if given the chance. I
ended up quitting school in the 10th grade and getting my GED.
Ironically, my husband has a similar experience in school that ended
the same way.

So, having said all that, I do worry that I(WE) don't have enough
education to teach/help our kids through their school years. Do any of
you worry about this?

And to top it off, there's a great Charter school opening near us for
K-8. It's basically the result of our Montessori/Waldorf schools only
going to 1st grade. It sounds like a great opportunity and now has me
questioning my decision to keep Ethan home. NOT because I want him to
go off to school (the thought gives me a panic attack) BUT I don't
want to sell him short either and this school will be offering The
arts (music, movement, physical arts(pottery, drawing, etc) Waldorf
handworking and rhythm, Montessori self-directed, self-correcting
materials, and unschooling techniques of letting kids learn through
everyday life with Multi-age groups so kids can feel comfortable
working above or below their grade level.

Since it's a charter school, it's considered public (free) but very
parent-led. It's probably going to be very hard to get accepted into
this school since spots are limited. I'm just not sure if I should try
or not. I would never leave Ethan at school (or anywhere) that he
didn't want to be. But he enjoys other children so much that I wonder
if he'd enjoy it?

If you had a chance at what sounded like a great school, do you think
it's woth it or is it always better to homeschool/unschool?

Any advice for me? I just want to do the right thing and I realy
stress out about the "school" issue!

Thanks,
Tricia







[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

Hi Tricia

What part of Florida do you live in? We are in Northern Palm Beach County.

Cheryl


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Syndi

Hi Tricia!

My thoughts on reading your post were back to when I DID send my son
to K, and later my youngest on to preK. Oh how I wish I never would
have done that. Especially after we all came home and now having spent
time with them I realize I can't get that time from school back!
I bet there are lots of things you can sign you son up for that would
get him involved with lots of other kids!
We've been unschooling now for about a year and a half, and I was
just telling my ds 11, on Monday, that I was having one of those days
when I was wondering if anything I am doing is "right". I had alot of
those days in the beginning, thankfully they don't come around so much
anymore!
Syndi and sons

Ruth

Hi Tricia

My experience is however good the school is it is never as good as unschooling. Not ever! My older kids went to "good schools" for a while and have suffered the consequences ever since. My youngest have never been.They are inquisitive, free thinking, motivated kids. Don't do school cos if you do that will not come back so easily if you decide it is not working.
Ruth
----- Original Message -----
From: Tricia
To: [email protected]
Sent: Saturday, March 26, 2005 5:06 AM
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] help me choose!!!




Hi folks,

I'm new to the group and would like some advice. We are in Florida by
the way, so I have been checking into the 'laws' of unschooling. It
seems to me that Florida is pretty relaxed, am I right?

Ok, our story is this.... we have 2 children, Ethan just turned 4 and
his sister is 18 months. I've been a SAHM since Ethan was born. I'm a
very hands-on mommy, the kids are always with me and we spend lots of
time together. We are Attachment Parents and practice Gentle
Discipline.

Ethan is extremely smart, he learns very quickly and asks lots of
questions. I guess you can say we've always unschooled, he's learned
so much through everyday life. He's never been away from me, meaning
he's never been in any sort of school setting and has never shown any
interest in going.

I do feel guilty at times when Ethan's begging for kids to play with
(such as the neighborhood kids) and they are all at school. But then
again, he never says he wants to go to school, too. I have asked him
if he'd like to go to school and he says "No, I want to be home with
you, Mommy" which makes me very happy! But he doesn't know what school
is and has nothing to compare being home to.

I've always, always planned on keeping the kids home and
unschooling/homeschooling them. My husband and I both had awful school
experiences and hated school! I cried through K and some of 1st grade,
and I do believe that made me despise school somewhat! I just wasn't
ready and wanted to be at home with my mother so bad. And even later
on in school when I was considered "popular" I
hated going and would've chosen to stay home if given the chance. I
ended up quitting school in the 10th grade and getting my GED.
Ironically, my husband has a similar experience in school that ended
the same way.

So, having said all that, I do worry that I(WE) don't have enough
education to teach/help our kids through their school years. Do any of
you worry about this?

And to top it off, there's a great Charter school opening near us for
K-8. It's basically the result of our Montessori/Waldorf schools only
going to 1st grade. It sounds like a great opportunity and now has me
questioning my decision to keep Ethan home. NOT because I want him to
go off to school (the thought gives me a panic attack) BUT I don't
want to sell him short either and this school will be offering The
arts (music, movement, physical arts(pottery, drawing, etc) Waldorf
handworking and rhythm, Montessori self-directed, self-correcting
materials, and unschooling techniques of letting kids learn through
everyday life with Multi-age groups so kids can feel comfortable
working above or below their grade level.

Since it's a charter school, it's considered public (free) but very
parent-led. It's probably going to be very hard to get accepted into
this school since spots are limited. I'm just not sure if I should try
or not. I would never leave Ethan at school (or anywhere) that he
didn't want to be. But he enjoys other children so much that I wonder
if he'd enjoy it?

If you had a chance at what sounded like a great school, do you think
it's woth it or is it always better to homeschool/unschool?

Any advice for me? I just want to do the right thing and I realy
stress out about the "school" issue!

Thanks,
Tricia







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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

**Any advice for me?  I just want to do the right thing and I really stress
out about the "school" issue!**

Make a list. Make several lists. Good points of going to school. Bad points
of going to school. Good points of not going to school. Bad points of not going
to school. Put them aside for a few days and then go back to them.

I can tell you what MY answer would be, but I can't tell you what your answer
should be. ;)

Deborah in IL


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

TreeGoddess

On Mar 26, 2005, at 12:06 AM, Tricia wrote:

-=-If you had a chance at what sounded like a great school,
do you think it's woth it or is it always better to
homeschool/unschool?-=-

I'm just going to respond to this question, Tricia.

For *us* . . . we do have those "chances". There are quite a few
alterna/crunchy schools in our area. We could afford them if I got a
paying job and worked while the kids were in school. But, no, my
husband and I do not think it's worth it and we would definitely not
choose to enroll our children in school. Any school.

I'm currently re-reading John Taylor Gatto's _Dumbing Us Down: The
Hidden Curriculum of Compulsory Schooling_ (book club chat starts
tomorrow over at the AlwaysUnschooled Yahoo group). Pick it up or
borrow it from a library if you can. It's not a huge book by any
means, but IMO it does have a lot of insight into this system and lots
to think about. The author has another of his books online that you
can read at http://johntaylorgatto.com/chapters/index.htm

Ultimately, Tricia, the choice is (obviously) not mine to make. You
just have to listen to your heart and your children. What do they want
to do? What is your heart telling you? I think you already know the
answer. :)

-Tracy-

"Peace *will* enter your life, but you
need to clear a spot for her to sit down."

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Pam Sorooshian

On Mar 25, 2005, at 9:06 PM, Tricia wrote:

> I don't
> want to sell him short either and this school will be offering The
> arts (music, movement, physical arts(pottery, drawing, etc) Waldorf
> handworking and rhythm, Montessori self-directed, self-correcting
> materials, and unschooling techniques of letting kids learn through
> everyday life with Multi-age groups so kids can feel comfortable
> working above or below their grade level.

Waldorf and Montessori schools are rigid places where kids have to do
things exactly "their way" or they are "wrong." What if your kid
doesn't happen to be interested in the Waldorf-style music, movement,
pottery, drawing, handworking, etc.? What if your child wants to play
pretend - there is none of that at a Montessori school. What if he
doesn't want to build the pink tower, but wants to build a pirate ship
or a farm out of those "self-correcting" materials? Montessori
materials are "self-correcting" because they have one way to use them
and one way only. All children in a class learn the same subject matter
- there is a curriculum - the "individualized" part of a Montessori
elementary school is that they don't all do it at the same time - they
have freedom to do their math first and science later. Classrooms are
expected to be quiet, kids are expected to be on-task all the time,
they haven't got much "recess" time.

Also - Waldorf doesn't typically have multiple age levels together and
Montessori "multi-age" groups are a small range of ages - usually 2
grade levels.

Your own educational background isn't particularly relevant to how well
you can unschool, Tricia. Supporting your own children's interests is
what it is all about. You are as capable of doing that as somebody with
a PhD. You are a resource person, but not the source of all knowledge.
Focus on keeping your children's lives happy and give them lots of
exposure to the world around them and opportunities to try out new
experiences. Learning will happen naturally - they'll learn from all
the books, tv, movies, music, play, conversation, friends, activities,
games, trips, and everything else that your family does.

By the way, start now. If you son seems wistfully wishing for more play
time with other kids, do something to make that happen. Go to
homeschool groups - they have younger kids, too, you know. You can go
to more than one group. START a group. Get out a calendar JUST for play
dates and make the effort to schedule them and write them down so he
knows they are coming up.

(And you can eventually stop worrying and thinking about what he's
learning - because you'll just know that he's learning all the time -
but just for this time maybe it'll help you to realize that by using a
calendar to keep track of play dates - something important to him -
he'll be learning all the calendar "lessons" that are commonly "taught"
in kindergarden and 1st grade and 2nd grade. This is the kind of thing
that "just happens" when parents are supporting kids' interests.
Learning happens. Notice it doesn't take advanced educational degrees
to get a calendar for him and write HIS planned activities on it.)

-pam

Pam Sorooshian

On Mar 28, 2005, at 5:57 AM, Pam Sorooshian wrote:

> Montessori materials are "self-correcting" because they have one way
> to use them
> and one way only.

Okay - one little addition to my rant <G>.

Self-correcting is a fancy way of saying that things spill or look
obviously wrong in some way when you "do it wrong."

A Montessori example is to put out two bowls and put beans in the bowl
on the left and have the child use a spoon to move the beans to a bowl
on the right. This is supposed to help their motor coordination and
their learning to read from left to right. The "self-correction" is
that the beans drop outside the bowl. Oh- and when the kid can do it -
change the beans to rice or give them a smaller spoon.

At home, the kids will "spoon" things like the beans from a serving
bowl onto their own plates. Or the eggs or the potatoes or whatever -
who cares? Kids at home will get the chance to use a spoon. Guaranteed.
You don't have to set up a "learning center" for this. And mom can be
there to help clean up - to give him/her a bigger spoon if he/she needs
it. And the kid will spoon his/her own stuff IF and WHEN he/she wants
to do it and NOBODY else except the child knows when the right time is
for him/her to spoon things - when the challenge will be fun and
satisfying and beneficial versus too-difficult and frustrating.

On the other hand, if you happen to eat Chinese food and you get some
chopsticks and your kid seems interested in using them - you might put
some cotton balls in a bowl and let him/her try to move them to another
bowl with the chopsticks. That's fun. Or have a relay - pass
cottonballs around the table from one person to another using
chopsticks. Or not. The kid can learn to use chopsticks ANYTIME. Don't
give a 3-period lesson on it.

-pam

Dana Matt

What if your
> child wants to play
> pretend - there is none of that at a Montessori
> school.

I attended a Montessori preschool from 2.5-4. I
remember only one incident--A teacher showed us a
relief map with real water poured in where the
atlantic ocean would go, and I said "I could just walk
across that!" The teacher told me that no, I couldn't,
it was too big. I said "Well, then, I'll turn into a
giant and walk across it!" She told me no, I couldn't
turn into a giant, it wasn't possible. I remember
crying in the corner the rest of the day....

Dana

Guadalupe's Coffee Roaster
100% Organic Fair Trade Coffee
Roasted to Perfection Daily
http://www.guadalupescoffee.com



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scrapgal

--- In [email protected], Pam Sorooshian
<pamsoroosh@e...> wrote:

> On the other hand, if you happen to eat Chinese food and you get
some
> chopsticks and your kid seems interested in using them - you might
put
> some cotton balls in a bowl and let him/her try to move them to
another
> bowl with the chopsticks. That's fun. Or have a relay - pass
> cottonballs around the table from one person to another using
> chopsticks. Or not. The kid can learn to use chopsticks ANYTIME.

I just have to comment on chopsticks. I love them and eat with them
all the time. I found them very natural to use when I lived in
Japan as a child. My children, however, have found them difficult
to manage despite literally thousands at attempts at teaching them
how to hold and manipulate them. When we were at Epcot last year we
ate at one of the Japanese restaurants and the waitress took my
children's chopsticks and stuck a piece of paper at the end (not the
eating part) and then took a rubberband and made a pair of tongs out
of them. Voila! My kids could suddenly eat with chopsticks. The
waitress, who was from Japan, said that is how the babies in her
family are taught to use chopsticks. My kids are starting to get
the hang of it now. It isn't exactly the technique for holding
chopsticks, but it works.

OK, off to more on-topic stuff.

Michelle

[email protected]

**Your own educational background isn't particularly relevant to how well
you can unschool, Tricia. Supporting your own children's interests is
what it is all about. You are as capable of doing that as somebody with
a PhD. You are a resource person, but not the source of all knowledge.**

For instance...

I have no education in art. Less than that. I had a negative education in art
- before I was 10 years old I was convinced I was uncreative and "bad" at
art. Whatever instruction I received in materials and techniques went straight
through under the pressure of trying to do "good" art badly. I also never felt
competent to "appreciate art".

I have several artistic children. ! I have several children who've been very
interested in learning new techniques, using different materials, exploring
new visions. There wasn't anything I could teach them about art. Nothing. There
are lots of things I know a lot about and can share with an interested child,
but art, the big whole grandness of ART, wasn't one of them. But I could learn
along with them, and I could help them find resources - materials, books,
videos, people. I could pay attention to when they were happily flying along, and
when they were frustrated or bored, and explore with them what they needed
(if anything) to soar again.

I never worried about math but art made my hands shake. :-) It doesn't
anymore. We live in a *wonderous* time. All the knowledge and skills in the world
are out there, waiting for you to explore them, if you wish.

Deborah in IL


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

homebody_momma

--- In [email protected], "Tricia" <tattoomom@m...>
wrote:

I don't know if I ever posted an intro to this group before, but I had
to pop in on this one...

I was in almost the exact situation you are describing, just a few
years ago. We unschooled when they were little, without knowing there
was a name for what we were doing...just played and had fun. I
agonized over the thought of school, then found out about a wonderful
charter school. It sounded great! Open door policy, child led
learning, blah blah blah. If we didn't get in, we were going to
homeschool. But we did get in, my ds went to K there last year, and
this year started 1st grade, dd started K. It wasn't as great as it
sounded.

We started unschooling last month :)

Tricia

Wow! Thanks to everyone who responded with advice and for sharing your
own stories. I can tell this is a really great group and I'm so glad I
found it!

This darn charter school that has my interest is actually being
started by a group of mommies, some of whom I know personally. They
are trying to keep it short hours and as close to homeschool as you
can get outside the home. It sounds great but I'm still not sure it's
what's right for my family.

Ethan seems uninterested in school and even though he loves to play
with other children, he doesn't like to go anywhere with out me so I
would imagine school would be scary for him.

I know I will be needing your support in unschooling, its nice to know
others!

Tricia

scrapgal

--- In [email protected], "Tricia" <tattoomom@m...>
wrote:

>
> Ethan seems uninterested in school and even though he loves to play
> with other children, he doesn't like to go anywhere with out me so I
> would imagine school would be scary for him.
>

Tricia, it sounds like you do know the answer, you may just not be
ready to name it. It is also hard to tell friends that you don't want
to do something that seems (at least to them) like a grand idea.
Ethan can play with other kids without having to go to school and he
can remain with you. And by having his concerns honored (needing to
be with you) is going to strengthen his adventuring spirit.

It's ok to tell your friends who are starting this co-op school, "What
you are planning seems very interesting. I wish you the best of luck
in your endeavors. This is something, though, that we feel won't work
well for our family."

Michelle