Judy Anderson

Yesterday we got our Girl Scout cookies. Last night I sat down an ate a
whole box of Samoas after the kids went to bed. Halfway through the box, I
realized I didn't want to eat them anymore, but I finished the box anyway.
Why? I asked myself. Because I was afraid I wouldn't get a chance to eat
them later. That of course was very silly, because I am the only one in the
house who likes them. That's when I "got" what food control does. I am
still struggling with it, though. I still find myself saying that they just
need to wait ten minutes until dinner is ready. I'm working on it.

With bedtime, I got it yesterday when Lauren got tired for her nap. I had
not made her take her nap because she didn't want to take one. By 4:00 she
was exhausted and started throwing fits. I picked her up, told ehr it was
obvious she was tired and let her choose where she wanted to nap, my bed or
hers. She fought and fought, but I made her lay down anyway. Five minutes
later, she was sound asleep. So with bedtime, I think I went to the other
extreme. I think I found the happy middle ground now in regard to sleep. I
thought food would be first, but I guess not.

Judy

scrapgal

--- In [email protected], "Judy Anderson"
<temair@a...> wrote:
> Yesterday we got our Girl Scout cookies. Last night I sat down an
ate a
> whole box of Samoas after the kids went to bed. Halfway through
the box, I
> realized I didn't want to eat them anymore, but I finished the box
anyway.
> Why? I asked myself. Because I was afraid I wouldn't get a chance
to eat
> them later. That of course was very silly, because I am the only
one in the
> house who likes them. That's when I "got" what food control
does. I am
> still struggling with it, though.

And don't be surprised if you are struggling with it for years.
When I moved out of the house on my own at 18 and had all my own
control over food, I still struggled with the fact that all the food
in the house was MINE and *I* could eat it ALL and at ANYTIME I
wanted. When I was married and my xh didn't eat sweets I still
would "hoard and hide" food even though I knew he wasn't going to
eat the chocolate cake. No one in my house eats Thin Mints, yet I
do the same as you did with the Samoas. "I better eat them all now
because I may not get any later!" Food is very controlling and the
eating habits we grew up with are very hard to get over. For
instance right now even though I am not hungry, I am thinking about
finding something to eat. I'm trying hard to listen to that inner
voice that says, "Why are you eating when you aren't even the
slightest bit hungry?"

That's one of the reasons I want to allow the kids to figure out the
food thing on their own. I don't want them to have these hang ups.
I don't want my kids to feel like they are controlled by food rather
than controlling the food on their own. The hardest part for me is
Keon as he does not self-regulate in many areas in his life. Eating
is one of those things that he has a hard time with. If you offer
him food he will eat it. If he walks through the kitchen he will
stop and eat something. Not because he is hungry but because he is
in the kitchen and his brain goes, "Food! Eat!" Even when he isn't
hungry. I'm trying to let his body figure it out, but it is so hard
when I know that his eating habits are horrible and that he is
overweight.

> With bedtime, I got it yesterday when Lauren got tired for her
nap. I had
> not made her take her nap because she didn't want to take one. By
4:00 she
> was exhausted and started throwing fits. I picked her up, told
ehr it was
> obvious she was tired and let her choose where she wanted to nap,
my bed or
> hers. She fought and fought, but I made her lay down anyway.

What about if the next time she gets like that you just sit down in
a rocking chair with her and rock her for a while? Instead of
making her lie down, you just put her into a different calming
situation? What if you tried letting her go lie down on her bed and
listen to some music or a book on tape? Sometimes when their little
bodies are tired and they have been forced to sleep (even when we
KNOW their bodies need rest) they will resist with every ounce
because they haven't learned to listen to their bodies. They feel
tired, but they will fight it because they haven't been given the
chance to learn to respect their bodies' cues for sleep. In time
when not being forced to nap she will recognize that she is tired
and go lie down or curl up somewhere with a book on her own. I've
seen my kids do that and it is pretty amazing.

Michelle

Pam Sorooshian

On Mar 21, 2005, at 7:09 AM, Judy Anderson wrote:

> With bedtime, I got it yesterday when Lauren got tired for her nap. I
> had
> not made her take her nap because she didn't want to take one. By
> 4:00 she
> was exhausted and started throwing fits. I picked her up, told ehr it
> was
> obvious she was tired and let her choose where she wanted to nap, my
> bed or
> hers. She fought and fought, but I made her lay down anyway. Five
> minutes
> later, she was sound asleep.

Last night Rosie got wild and goofy - she started laughing at
everything, being really loud, just kind of over the top. It was fun
for a while, we were all laughing, too, and having a good time
together. BUT - being mom - I could tell there was an edge of hysteria
- a sort of loss of control - going on with her. I knew that I needed
to get her settled down or something was going to set her off in a
negative way and she was going to end up upset.

I KNOW this about her - having seen it repeatedly. When she's really
tired, she gets that way. Sometimes she gets really pesty - goes around
from person to person and does things that are sure to be irritating to
them - like leaning against the back of their chair and wiggling around
or tapping something, making a little persistent noise, close to them.
When I start to hear, "Rosie, could you stop that, please," over and
over, I know she's worn out and that if I don't help her out, she'll
probably explode when somebody eventually snaps at her too strongly.

So - this is pretty subtle - her dad doesn't see it coming. But last
night Roxana saw it coming and quietly said to me, "Mom, maybe we
should go watch tv for a bit, help Rosie settle down." She was right -
we put in an episode of West Wing on dvd (one we'd watched already,
several times) and Rosie laid down on the couch and was asleep in about
45 seconds. The rest of us then turned the tv off and did other things.

I wouldn't make a kid lie down if she was fighting, Judy. I'd find a
way to help her settle down. But sometimes this process has to start
early enough - if a kid gets too tired, it is harder for them to settle
down. So - instead of forcing her to lie down - try coming up with a
list of ways you have to help her settle down -- warm bath, warm milk,
soft music, lower the lights, cuddle up together to read aloud, listen
to a calm tape (see Jim Weiss's relaxing tapes), back rub, ride in the
car or stroller, nursing, watching tv, or whatever....try different
things. I do think the key is being alert to the signs of readiness to
sleep so that you can get started supporting her need before she's
overly tired, though. This is probably especially true for kids who
have been going to sleep on a schedule - they aren't all that in touch
with their own personal signals and might ignore or even fight it when
they need to sleep. Your goal might be to make sleeping something they
look forward to - something pleasant - think about how much nicer the
world looks to them when they wake up - sleep isn't something negative
to be fought - it is a GOOD thing.

-pam

Judy Anderson

Actually, I did our usual naptime routine, read a book and sing a song
before I kiss her goodnight. She first asked to lay down on the couch, but
she wouldn't stay there, so I had to put her in bed. She was fine with the
story and song, but then when I tried saying goodnight she started throwing
herself around the bed and crying. So I didn't just carry her to the bed,
plop her down and tell her to go to sleep. I'm sorry if it sounded that
way.

Judy

-----Original Message-----
From: scrapgal

> With bedtime, I got it yesterday when Lauren got tired for her
nap. I had
> not made her take her nap because she didn't want to take one. By
4:00 she
> was exhausted and started throwing fits. I picked her up, told
ehr it was
> obvious she was tired and let her choose where she wanted to nap,
my bed or
> hers. She fought and fought, but I made her lay down anyway.

What about if the next time she gets like that you just sit down in
a rocking chair with her and rock her for a while? Instead of
making her lie down, you just put her into a different calming
situation? What if you tried letting her go lie down on her bed and
listen to some music or a book on tape? Sometimes when their little
bodies are tired and they have been forced to sleep (even when we
KNOW their bodies need rest) they will resist with every ounce
because they haven't learned to listen to their bodies. They feel
tired, but they will fight it because they haven't been given the
chance to learn to respect their bodies' cues for sleep. In time
when not being forced to nap she will recognize that she is tired
and go lie down or curl up somewhere with a book on her own. I've
seen my kids do that and it is pretty amazing.

Michelle


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Angela S

* <<< She was fine with the
story and song, but then when I tried saying goodnight she started throwing
herself around the bed and crying. So I didn't just carry her to the bed,
plop her down and tell her to go to sleep. I'm sorry if it sounded that
way.>>>



My kids never liked to go to sleep alone. My girls are now 8 and 10 and I
have always lain down with them while they've gone to sleep. Sometimes in
the past it has frustrated me occasionally, but for the most part, I've
thoroughly enjoyed that time with them. It is a time that they talk about
their days and ask thought provoking questions. I only have two kids and
they shared a bedroom up until a month ago so it was fairly easy to do.
Going to bed has always been a relaxing thing to do at our house. Time to
cuddle and share.

My youngest has always slept in her sister's room (when she didn't sleep in
mine) and she recently decided to move to her own room. She's done it twice
before but it never lasted more than 2 nights so I wasn't sure how it would
go this time. But this time she was determined and part of the reason for
that is that she wanted to make her room into a barn, complete with a horse
stall, and sleep in the barn every night. :-) I told her that her sister
isn't comfortable going to sleep alone and that she was welcome to move out,
but that I would still lay with her sister while she goes to sleep. I told
her that I would spend some time with her in her bed each night talking and
cuddling and make sure she was comfortable but that then I would leave
because her sister just isn't ready to go to sleep alone. She said that was
fine.

She moved out and we started on her room. We pulled off the old pooh bear
border and painted the walls. Then she sponged horse shoe prints all over
the walls and we asked my dad if he'd be willing to build her a stall in her
room. He said he would. She slept in there every night for a month (except
one really windy night) and I know she is there for good. She is going to
sleep alone now but she feels really good about it. Her stall got built
today and it is really cool. If anyone wants to see it, I'll send you
pictures privately. Just let me know off list.

Sometimes people forget that there are other options than leaving their
children to go to sleep alone. This has worked for us. It didn't create
overly dependent children. It just allowed them to transition to sleeping
alone at their own pace.

My older dd is by nature more sensitive/needy than most. I have faith that
in her own time she too will be able to go to sleep with out me being beside
her. (Actually, she fell asleep last night before I got to her room, but I
woke her and climbed in with her anyway because she cherished the time we
spend talking and cuddling.)

I think it's sweet that they were able to transition to sleeping alone when
they were ready.





Angela

game-enthusiast@...



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Pam Sorooshian

On Mar 21, 2005, at 8:06 AM, Judy Anderson wrote:

> Actually, I did our usual naptime routine, read a book and sing a song
> before I kiss her goodnight. She first asked to lay down on the
> couch, but
> she wouldn't stay there, so I had to put her in bed. She was fine
> with the
> story and song, but then when I tried saying goodnight she started
> throwing
> herself around the bed and crying.

Your "routine" was you doing something that you do every time - not
adjusted for the child's specific needs "this time." Read a book, sing
a song, get a kiss, close your eyes, and go to sleep -- clearly THAT
didn't work this time, so you need to figure out something else.

You say you "had to" put her in bed. NAH - not true. No more "have
to/had to" okay, Judy? Every single time "have to" enters your head,
come up with at least a couple of alternatives that are very different
than the one you think you have to do.

Judy thinking: "She won't stay on the couch, I'll have to put her in
bed."
Judy thinking: "Okay - that's one option but I don't really "have to" -
so what other options can I come up with?"

*******time passing while you struggle with coming up with something
completely different - because is is hard, at first ********


Judy thinking: "I could make her a little nest of blankets and pillows
on the floor with a tape player and some story tapes."

OR "I could lie down with her and sing softly while I rub her back
until she falls asleep."

Dana Matt

I had
> not made her take her nap because she didn't want to
> take one. By 4:00 she
> was exhausted and started throwing fits. I picked
> her up, told ehr it was
> obvious she was tired and let her choose where she
> wanted to nap, my bed or
> hers. She fought and fought, but I made her lay
> down anyway. Five minutes
> later, she was sound asleep.\

I have a Lauren, too, but mine is 12.5 :)

Didn't I read that your Lauren is two? When my babes
were two, they would want up on my lap to nurse, and
if they were tired they would fall asleep, and if they
weren't they would just get their mama fix and then be
fine again. I can't remember a time of ever fighting
over a nap, or a time of ever laying a kid down and
telling them when to sleep. Naps were either in
mama's lap in a recliner, or in a bed with mama laying
next to, or in a sling being carried by mama...all
comfortable, safe places, where little ones didn't
have to feel like they were missing out on life.
About 2 years old the naps stopped, though--they moved
from falling asleep during the day to sleeping longer
in the morning. Just be loving and flexible....
Dana

Guadalupe's Coffee Roaster
100% Organic Fair Trade Coffee
Roasted to Perfection Daily
http://www.guadalupescoffee.com



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