accidents (potty) and unschooling
a3boymommy
Hi all,
We're really struggling and I can't figure out the kind, hands-off approach, so..... let's see what the seasoned folks have to say. I apologize for the length, but I think that some background is important.
My 6-year-old (almost 6 1/2) is still having accidents. Poop and pee. At least once and often more than 5 times a day (I am not exaggerating. yesterday he pooped in his pants 4 times and he peed another 3). He's never been solid on potty training (no pun intended....) and he comes by that fairly: he had horrible constipation essentially from the time he started solids until he was probably close to 3 years old. We went through hell with that, specialists, "cleanses," and a regimen that included miralax every day for over a year. The whole process was a huge learning curve for me in terms of finding my own voice and protecting my son, as well as learning the patience to figure out what was wrong and support him. some of what he went through was terrifying and all of it was painful. there were times when I feared he'd never want to poop again.
We got the constipation under control through dietary adjustments, finally, were able to wean him off the miralax, and then waited another, I don't remember, but it was more than 6 months, before even thinking about potty training. By this time he was well over 3. I am reasonably confident that the potty training was child-led, though to be honest I don't remember it (I also have twins who are only 20 months younger than he is, so there's a lot of blurred memory from this time). I know that he was seeing a "poop specialist," a psychologist whom we liked, and that she had a program for helping him with routines, and I know that we took her advice and let him go naked for a few days and there was a whole system for supporting him in the process, but I think that he wanted to be done with diapers by that time (we used cloth and I remember that he was very excited to move on to real underwear). I know that he was almost 4 1/2 when we moved to Austin, and he was using the potty by then, but it hadn't been long.
At least 6 mos ago, he started regressing, badly. Like I said, he's always had accidents, and we've had to be really careful with him in terms of pooping b/c he's so prone to withholding whenever there's stress in his life, and as soon as he starts withholding he'll eventually leak, and then there's shame, and then he withholds more, and eventually he'll get constipated, and then we run the risk of there being pain involved, which is so psychologically damaging for him. But some period ago (like I said, at least 6 mos), he started having accidents daily, and then multiple times a day. we tried just ignoring it and trying to be supportive. he just takes off the soiled clothes, tosses them in the bathtub for me to deal with later, and then I clean him up if it's poop or he cleans himself up if it's pee and he gets changed and we move on. I always have clean clothes with me in the backpack so that I can handle it when we're out. It's a pain, and I'm not always successful at masking my frustration, but I try. He wasn't constipated, he just wasn't stopping to go potty, so all of a sudden he'd just poop his pants (or pee). usually it was just a little bit, which says to me (from our experience) that he's withholding and then some squirts out b/c he just can't hold it any more, but then he gets it under control, so there's still more in there to come out. that's when we run the risk of him getting constipated again, which I do fear badly, so I tend to want to make him sit on the potty until he gets a poop out. I am so freaking ambivalent about forcing a child to sit on the potty, though, that I'm totally inconsistent about it.
Late last summer or early fall, after some months of this, I decided to talk to the pediatrician about it. I confirmed that this isn't medical; he did have a moderate back up in there (she wanted us to do a milk of magnesia cleanse, which I absolutely will not ever do again; when he was around 2 we did one and he ended up essentially peeing fire out of his bottom for days, it was awful), but our diet is keeping his poops soft and consistent so it's only caused by the pressure build-up when he withholds, and this is a behavioral issue. I agreed to up his fiber but that's all I would/will do in terms of the poops themselves or any medical intervention.
She recommended that we set timers and that we make him go pee every hour by the timer, and that 20 minutes after every meal we make him sit on the potty for 10 minutes to help him poop. The idea is to take the pressure off of him by putting it on the timer, and to let his body get back into a routine/pattern so that he can stop having accidents, and then he'll eventually be able to re-learn how to listen to his body. I get that, kinda, but he is resistent to being told that he needs to sit on the potty whether or not he feels like he needs to go (naturally). And also, quite frankly, this doesn't work for our lifestyle. He doesn't need to pee every hour, so I get frustrated with the system, so I'm not really in the habit, which means it's inconsistent. It's also inconsistent because I have two other kids and we just don't live life that way. 20 minutes after a meal is over, we're already off and running, and I often forget to sit him on the potty, and when I do it stalls out everyone else. Even though we try to be chill about it, he knows that everyone is waiting on him to poop, and he hates it. He's as likely to poop his pants a half hour after one of these sessions as he is to poop on the potty during a session. I don't think that this system works, though I imagine it could work for a different family/child. But I also would like some old timers' thoughts on this system, how it could work (if it could work), or how you would approach it with an eye to giving him back his own power in this. I'm not opposed to trying it, to re-doubling my efforts to be consistent, I just don't see it working for us and I don't know if that's because I'm so resistent/inconsistent, or because there's a better way I'm just not seeing.
FWIW, most of the time I know he's had an accident because I can smell it (or see that his pants are wet); he doesn't tell me. when I ask him about it (I am always discreet and non-accusatory, that's one thing I think I'm good at), he used to deny it, and now he just says "I don't think so." I think his answer has changed b/c when he tells me he hasn't had an accident, I point out that I can smell it (or see it), can we just go to the bathroom and check, and there's always a poop there, so now he just says he doesn't think so. I have no idea at this point if he's so desensitized that he really doesn't know that he's had an accident, or what. he's pretty insistent that he doesn't know it happened, he can never tell me when it happened, and he generally doesn't want to change his clothes. I do make him change, because otherwise he gets a rash, which leads to a whole new set of issues.
Last night we were at friends' house for dinner, and we all had a great time. in the middle of dinner, he pooped and peed his pants. I didn't have a change of clothes, which is my fault (and unusual), so we were stuck. my husband ended up taking him home early, leaving me and the twins there (they weren't done with dinner, and I didn't feel good about not helping with clean up and such, plus I felt bad making the little guys leave early when they weren't the issue). he was miserable and sad and ashamed and we just weren't all that empathetic, though we tried to be. the whole thing was embarrassing and stressful and frustrating and..... I feel like an asshole. I wasn't even really trying to find a solution that would let him stay. I just kept hearing "natural consequences!" in my head and, to be honest, I wondered if letting him fail, letting him feel the full weight of the fact that you can't just live life pooping yourself, this time wouldn't help.
he's had 3 pee accidents today. so clearly "natural consequences" in this scenario really does just translate into "your mom's an ass." I need to re-boot our approach. what would you do???
sorry this is so long. thank you for your input. I do already know that I behaved badly, so I don't need too much beating up on that front, but any suggestions for how to empower him (and me!), or ideas on how I can really drop the reins on this so that we get out of the power/stress struggle would be so very welcome. what's the approach to this kind of learned behavioral issue??
best,
Kimberley
We're really struggling and I can't figure out the kind, hands-off approach, so..... let's see what the seasoned folks have to say. I apologize for the length, but I think that some background is important.
My 6-year-old (almost 6 1/2) is still having accidents. Poop and pee. At least once and often more than 5 times a day (I am not exaggerating. yesterday he pooped in his pants 4 times and he peed another 3). He's never been solid on potty training (no pun intended....) and he comes by that fairly: he had horrible constipation essentially from the time he started solids until he was probably close to 3 years old. We went through hell with that, specialists, "cleanses," and a regimen that included miralax every day for over a year. The whole process was a huge learning curve for me in terms of finding my own voice and protecting my son, as well as learning the patience to figure out what was wrong and support him. some of what he went through was terrifying and all of it was painful. there were times when I feared he'd never want to poop again.
We got the constipation under control through dietary adjustments, finally, were able to wean him off the miralax, and then waited another, I don't remember, but it was more than 6 months, before even thinking about potty training. By this time he was well over 3. I am reasonably confident that the potty training was child-led, though to be honest I don't remember it (I also have twins who are only 20 months younger than he is, so there's a lot of blurred memory from this time). I know that he was seeing a "poop specialist," a psychologist whom we liked, and that she had a program for helping him with routines, and I know that we took her advice and let him go naked for a few days and there was a whole system for supporting him in the process, but I think that he wanted to be done with diapers by that time (we used cloth and I remember that he was very excited to move on to real underwear). I know that he was almost 4 1/2 when we moved to Austin, and he was using the potty by then, but it hadn't been long.
At least 6 mos ago, he started regressing, badly. Like I said, he's always had accidents, and we've had to be really careful with him in terms of pooping b/c he's so prone to withholding whenever there's stress in his life, and as soon as he starts withholding he'll eventually leak, and then there's shame, and then he withholds more, and eventually he'll get constipated, and then we run the risk of there being pain involved, which is so psychologically damaging for him. But some period ago (like I said, at least 6 mos), he started having accidents daily, and then multiple times a day. we tried just ignoring it and trying to be supportive. he just takes off the soiled clothes, tosses them in the bathtub for me to deal with later, and then I clean him up if it's poop or he cleans himself up if it's pee and he gets changed and we move on. I always have clean clothes with me in the backpack so that I can handle it when we're out. It's a pain, and I'm not always successful at masking my frustration, but I try. He wasn't constipated, he just wasn't stopping to go potty, so all of a sudden he'd just poop his pants (or pee). usually it was just a little bit, which says to me (from our experience) that he's withholding and then some squirts out b/c he just can't hold it any more, but then he gets it under control, so there's still more in there to come out. that's when we run the risk of him getting constipated again, which I do fear badly, so I tend to want to make him sit on the potty until he gets a poop out. I am so freaking ambivalent about forcing a child to sit on the potty, though, that I'm totally inconsistent about it.
Late last summer or early fall, after some months of this, I decided to talk to the pediatrician about it. I confirmed that this isn't medical; he did have a moderate back up in there (she wanted us to do a milk of magnesia cleanse, which I absolutely will not ever do again; when he was around 2 we did one and he ended up essentially peeing fire out of his bottom for days, it was awful), but our diet is keeping his poops soft and consistent so it's only caused by the pressure build-up when he withholds, and this is a behavioral issue. I agreed to up his fiber but that's all I would/will do in terms of the poops themselves or any medical intervention.
She recommended that we set timers and that we make him go pee every hour by the timer, and that 20 minutes after every meal we make him sit on the potty for 10 minutes to help him poop. The idea is to take the pressure off of him by putting it on the timer, and to let his body get back into a routine/pattern so that he can stop having accidents, and then he'll eventually be able to re-learn how to listen to his body. I get that, kinda, but he is resistent to being told that he needs to sit on the potty whether or not he feels like he needs to go (naturally). And also, quite frankly, this doesn't work for our lifestyle. He doesn't need to pee every hour, so I get frustrated with the system, so I'm not really in the habit, which means it's inconsistent. It's also inconsistent because I have two other kids and we just don't live life that way. 20 minutes after a meal is over, we're already off and running, and I often forget to sit him on the potty, and when I do it stalls out everyone else. Even though we try to be chill about it, he knows that everyone is waiting on him to poop, and he hates it. He's as likely to poop his pants a half hour after one of these sessions as he is to poop on the potty during a session. I don't think that this system works, though I imagine it could work for a different family/child. But I also would like some old timers' thoughts on this system, how it could work (if it could work), or how you would approach it with an eye to giving him back his own power in this. I'm not opposed to trying it, to re-doubling my efforts to be consistent, I just don't see it working for us and I don't know if that's because I'm so resistent/inconsistent, or because there's a better way I'm just not seeing.
FWIW, most of the time I know he's had an accident because I can smell it (or see that his pants are wet); he doesn't tell me. when I ask him about it (I am always discreet and non-accusatory, that's one thing I think I'm good at), he used to deny it, and now he just says "I don't think so." I think his answer has changed b/c when he tells me he hasn't had an accident, I point out that I can smell it (or see it), can we just go to the bathroom and check, and there's always a poop there, so now he just says he doesn't think so. I have no idea at this point if he's so desensitized that he really doesn't know that he's had an accident, or what. he's pretty insistent that he doesn't know it happened, he can never tell me when it happened, and he generally doesn't want to change his clothes. I do make him change, because otherwise he gets a rash, which leads to a whole new set of issues.
Last night we were at friends' house for dinner, and we all had a great time. in the middle of dinner, he pooped and peed his pants. I didn't have a change of clothes, which is my fault (and unusual), so we were stuck. my husband ended up taking him home early, leaving me and the twins there (they weren't done with dinner, and I didn't feel good about not helping with clean up and such, plus I felt bad making the little guys leave early when they weren't the issue). he was miserable and sad and ashamed and we just weren't all that empathetic, though we tried to be. the whole thing was embarrassing and stressful and frustrating and..... I feel like an asshole. I wasn't even really trying to find a solution that would let him stay. I just kept hearing "natural consequences!" in my head and, to be honest, I wondered if letting him fail, letting him feel the full weight of the fact that you can't just live life pooping yourself, this time wouldn't help.
he's had 3 pee accidents today. so clearly "natural consequences" in this scenario really does just translate into "your mom's an ass." I need to re-boot our approach. what would you do???
sorry this is so long. thank you for your input. I do already know that I behaved badly, so I don't need too much beating up on that front, but any suggestions for how to empower him (and me!), or ideas on how I can really drop the reins on this so that we get out of the power/stress struggle would be so very welcome. what's the approach to this kind of learned behavioral issue??
best,
Kimberley
Brice Johnson
I have an 8.5 YO daughter that has had very similar experiences. This may
have absolutely no relativity your son's situation, but thought I might just
let you know what we discovered. My daughter has ADHD (She is adopted, and
was exposed to many drugs in utero.), and when we finally resorted to
medicating her 6 months, a surprising benefit was that she stopped all
bathroom accidents overnight. Again, this may not even be part of what you
are dealing with, but just wanted to put the information out there just in
case!
Bless you!
Brigitte
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
have absolutely no relativity your son's situation, but thought I might just
let you know what we discovered. My daughter has ADHD (She is adopted, and
was exposed to many drugs in utero.), and when we finally resorted to
medicating her 6 months, a surprising benefit was that she stopped all
bathroom accidents overnight. Again, this may not even be part of what you
are dealing with, but just wanted to put the information out there just in
case!
Bless you!
Brigitte
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Meredith
"a3boymommy" <kkissoyan@...> wrote:
That's actually pretty normal for a 6yo! It's more normal to have a great big poo accident than lots of little ones, but your guy has some special circumstances which are convoluting things, for sure. The important thing is to know that getting distracted and having accidents is something plenty of other 6yos do and grow out of.
I'm betting a big part of why this didn't work is that the decision was made without him. Bring him into the process. Make a plan With him and try it for a day or two and see how it goes, then revise it as needed.
That might mean using a timer. It might mean you remind him at intervals - what sorts of things does he do? I'm thinking if he's playing a video game then you can remind him when he saves or loads, but if he's doing other things you'd want to watch for logical stopping points - tricky to do with two other kids underfoot! How does he feel about something like pullups? Even just for going out? That's something to suggest, anyway - and reassure him that the Reason they make pull-ups in big-kid sizes is that it's normal for kids to forget they need to "go".
Embarrassment is a natural consequence but what people learn when they're embarrassed varies a whooooole lot. A lot of times, people learn they're powerless - you don't need to go there, either.
You had a rough night visiting friends. You forgot to plan for accidents - it happens. Use it as a chance to plan better. Use it as a opening to talk about pull-ups with your guy, at least for going out - so He doesn't need to be embarrassed, doesn't have to worry about accidents. That's a good use of "natural consequences" - as a way of talking about how to avoid them.
Sometimes big, dramatic mistakes end up being great ways to start a dialog and learn together. Like, when a kid totally melts down when it's time to go home and you end up carrying him to the car - that can be a good set-up (the next day or next outting) for talking about how to avoid that happening again. Make plans and try them. It's okay if they don't work out quite how you planned ;) you'll learn something in the process.
---Meredith
>> My 6-year-old (almost 6 1/2) is still having accidents. Poop and pee.*****************
>>He wasn't constipated, he just wasn't stopping to go potty, so all of a sudden he'd just poop his pants (or pee).
That's actually pretty normal for a 6yo! It's more normal to have a great big poo accident than lots of little ones, but your guy has some special circumstances which are convoluting things, for sure. The important thing is to know that getting distracted and having accidents is something plenty of other 6yos do and grow out of.
>>> She recommended that we set timers and that we make him go pee every hour by the timer, and that 20 minutes after every meal we make him sit on the potty for 10 minutes to help him poop. The idea is to take the pressure off of him by putting it on the timer**************
I'm betting a big part of why this didn't work is that the decision was made without him. Bring him into the process. Make a plan With him and try it for a day or two and see how it goes, then revise it as needed.
That might mean using a timer. It might mean you remind him at intervals - what sorts of things does he do? I'm thinking if he's playing a video game then you can remind him when he saves or loads, but if he's doing other things you'd want to watch for logical stopping points - tricky to do with two other kids underfoot! How does he feel about something like pullups? Even just for going out? That's something to suggest, anyway - and reassure him that the Reason they make pull-ups in big-kid sizes is that it's normal for kids to forget they need to "go".
>>I just kept hearing "natural consequences!" in my headPain is a natural consequence. Withholding is a natural consequence. You know where That gets you!
Embarrassment is a natural consequence but what people learn when they're embarrassed varies a whooooole lot. A lot of times, people learn they're powerless - you don't need to go there, either.
You had a rough night visiting friends. You forgot to plan for accidents - it happens. Use it as a chance to plan better. Use it as a opening to talk about pull-ups with your guy, at least for going out - so He doesn't need to be embarrassed, doesn't have to worry about accidents. That's a good use of "natural consequences" - as a way of talking about how to avoid them.
Sometimes big, dramatic mistakes end up being great ways to start a dialog and learn together. Like, when a kid totally melts down when it's time to go home and you end up carrying him to the car - that can be a good set-up (the next day or next outting) for talking about how to avoid that happening again. Make plans and try them. It's okay if they don't work out quite how you planned ;) you'll learn something in the process.
---Meredith
Vickisue Gray
I feel for you and don't know if I can offer you much help. When I married my spouse, his daughter was four and mine was six. His daughter was still in diapers and he didn't have a clue why that struck me as odd. My daughter had potty trained easily before the age of three so when his ex-girlfriend would deliver his daughter to us in an over loaded diaper, it struck me that the daughter had learned to like wearing the mess. That conclusion was probably not helped by the fact when I talked to her about it, she told me she liked the toasty feeling. Anyway, a year later we had our son and we were still buying diapers for both children. This was becoming an issue because my step-daughter's mother insisted she had to go to school but the schools won't take a child who is still in diapers.
We talked to the pediatrician about this as normal potty training didn't seem to have an effect with her. The doctor recommended, I believe, a steroid spray to help her system mature. I couldn't say if that really had much of an effect but it did show her that this issue needed to be addressed. Anyway, we ended up putting her in daycare for a brief period before kindergarten would official start hoping pier pressure would work and it did to a point. She had a few accidents at school but they did slow down enough that she was able to attend Kindy. She did NOT stop them at home, though.
Eventually, the doctor advised all of us that she was to take responsibility for her own mess making. I can't remember now at what age as she continued pooping herself right up to the point where I feared she would be going through puberty and still not have stopped. Understand, the doctors found no evidence of any medical reason for this. She just didn't want to be bothered going to the bathroom and wearing poo didn't phase her at all. Anyway, the doctor told her that if she dirtied herself, then she would need to clean herself and hand wash her poo out of her clothes, too. Amazingly, this seemed to have the most effect and the accidents declined greatly but not completely.
There where the times that she opted to hide her poo'd undies. Sometimes in her older sister's laundry. Oh BOY did that cause the house to get loud! Once under the horse's feed trough...that was incredibly odd... and once in her dad's boot... yea.... Sounds like she might have been angry but no, those were just the hidey places she found near where she was at the time when she didn't want to clean up her mess.
She's in her early twenties now and seems to have finally conquered these issues. She is in a relationship and lives with her boyfriend and they are very happy. Neither of them are big ones for cleaning and neither of them care so I guess it all worked out for them in the end.
Guess all I can tell you is hug your child, let them know you love them, and if they choose to need diapers or special care, so be it. I'm not advocating allowing them to just poo all over the house though, as that's just gross! If it's a medical condition, seek help. If it's not, life goes on.
Dealing with family members with Crohn's I've come to the conclusion poo happens. Finding a calm and peaceful way to handle the situation the trick. There's even been a few times where we've had certain seats covered with hospital chucks so the person with the issue could comfortably join the family while not causing us to have to toss the couch afterwards.
Good luck in finding a solution
(((HUGS)))
Vicki
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
We talked to the pediatrician about this as normal potty training didn't seem to have an effect with her. The doctor recommended, I believe, a steroid spray to help her system mature. I couldn't say if that really had much of an effect but it did show her that this issue needed to be addressed. Anyway, we ended up putting her in daycare for a brief period before kindergarten would official start hoping pier pressure would work and it did to a point. She had a few accidents at school but they did slow down enough that she was able to attend Kindy. She did NOT stop them at home, though.
Eventually, the doctor advised all of us that she was to take responsibility for her own mess making. I can't remember now at what age as she continued pooping herself right up to the point where I feared she would be going through puberty and still not have stopped. Understand, the doctors found no evidence of any medical reason for this. She just didn't want to be bothered going to the bathroom and wearing poo didn't phase her at all. Anyway, the doctor told her that if she dirtied herself, then she would need to clean herself and hand wash her poo out of her clothes, too. Amazingly, this seemed to have the most effect and the accidents declined greatly but not completely.
There where the times that she opted to hide her poo'd undies. Sometimes in her older sister's laundry. Oh BOY did that cause the house to get loud! Once under the horse's feed trough...that was incredibly odd... and once in her dad's boot... yea.... Sounds like she might have been angry but no, those were just the hidey places she found near where she was at the time when she didn't want to clean up her mess.
She's in her early twenties now and seems to have finally conquered these issues. She is in a relationship and lives with her boyfriend and they are very happy. Neither of them are big ones for cleaning and neither of them care so I guess it all worked out for them in the end.
Guess all I can tell you is hug your child, let them know you love them, and if they choose to need diapers or special care, so be it. I'm not advocating allowing them to just poo all over the house though, as that's just gross! If it's a medical condition, seek help. If it's not, life goes on.
Dealing with family members with Crohn's I've come to the conclusion poo happens. Finding a calm and peaceful way to handle the situation the trick. There's even been a few times where we've had certain seats covered with hospital chucks so the person with the issue could comfortably join the family while not causing us to have to toss the couch afterwards.
Good luck in finding a solution
(((HUGS)))
Vicki
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
BRIAN POLIKOWSKY
I know an unschooling family that the younger were diapers until he was at least sever during the day.
At night i think he was more like 9 when he stopped wearing them.
What the mom did was be a partner. She supported him and help him not be ashamed. This boy is high y sensitive and it was not that he did not care but that he could not do it so she helped him and he slowly was able to be accident free when he was ready.
He even did sleepovers ( I know because he come to my house!)
Find ways to help your son. A diaper, reminders, make sure he does not have Encopresis ( which cause parents to think the kids are pooping on their pants when they just cannot help).
My daughter has been using the potty since she was a year and a half but last Summer , at six, she would be doing chores with her dad outside and wait to long to go pee and would not make it to the house. SHe was too distracted to do it until urgent and by the time you run to the house it is too late. I never made her feel bad.
Alex Polikowsky
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
At night i think he was more like 9 when he stopped wearing them.
What the mom did was be a partner. She supported him and help him not be ashamed. This boy is high y sensitive and it was not that he did not care but that he could not do it so she helped him and he slowly was able to be accident free when he was ready.
He even did sleepovers ( I know because he come to my house!)
Find ways to help your son. A diaper, reminders, make sure he does not have Encopresis ( which cause parents to think the kids are pooping on their pants when they just cannot help).
My daughter has been using the potty since she was a year and a half but last Summer , at six, she would be doing chores with her dad outside and wait to long to go pee and would not make it to the house. SHe was too distracted to do it until urgent and by the time you run to the house it is too late. I never made her feel bad.
Alex Polikowsky
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
ladyslinky
When I was a child I had similar issues. My parents put me through all sorts of "training" methods one of which included a device that would shock you while you were asleep if you began to pee. I was sent to my grandmothers to do enemas and mineral oil every day one summer. I equate much of their attempts with torture. It really did a number on my self worth and self esteem.
I was at one point after many years diagnosed with Encopresis and inurisis (sp). I was given the nasal spray and it helped some while I was taking it but once I stopped taking the spray the issues came back. I was eventually able to deal with it and mostly eliminate the issue as a teen but it was not until I was an adult that I found out that all my parents needed to do was not feed me the dairy they knew I was allergic to but fed me anyway. (my parents had a talent for spending money and time finding out what was "wrong" with me only to ignoring it)
I now spend as little time as possible in the bathroom. I hate sitting on the toilet for any length of time. I am known by friends as the fastest pee in the west. I am not a fan of bodily waste functions and would love to never have to deal with them again which led to some anorexia issues that had to be dealt with. But now I have old lady bladder and have to wear a pad to keep from pissing myself when I sneeze so I guess we have come full circle.
I would not be surprised at all if your son has developed similar feelings about the bathroom and using it. Maybe you need to find ways to change the negative associations he may have with toilet functions. Thank goodness you are homeschooling the boy so he will not have to deal with this at school.
Amy
I was at one point after many years diagnosed with Encopresis and inurisis (sp). I was given the nasal spray and it helped some while I was taking it but once I stopped taking the spray the issues came back. I was eventually able to deal with it and mostly eliminate the issue as a teen but it was not until I was an adult that I found out that all my parents needed to do was not feed me the dairy they knew I was allergic to but fed me anyway. (my parents had a talent for spending money and time finding out what was "wrong" with me only to ignoring it)
I now spend as little time as possible in the bathroom. I hate sitting on the toilet for any length of time. I am known by friends as the fastest pee in the west. I am not a fan of bodily waste functions and would love to never have to deal with them again which led to some anorexia issues that had to be dealt with. But now I have old lady bladder and have to wear a pad to keep from pissing myself when I sneeze so I guess we have come full circle.
I would not be surprised at all if your son has developed similar feelings about the bathroom and using it. Maybe you need to find ways to change the negative associations he may have with toilet functions. Thank goodness you are homeschooling the boy so he will not have to deal with this at school.
Amy
mcoxleow
Hi Kimberley,
I realize that I am incredibly late on this, but I just read it and had to reply.
What were you using for a timer? Does your son have a watch? Have you considered the watchminder (http://watchminder.com/), or anything like it? You can set one of these silent alarm watches to go off at preset intervals and display a message. On this watch one of them is "potty". I got these watches for two of my 5 year-olds, both boys. One because he was going through several pairs of pants a day from pee and the other to remind him to eat so that he did not fly into a hypoglycemic rage.
The watches really helped to take the onus of reminding (nagging) my guys to take care of their bodies off of me and it empowered them to program their watches, choose their messages, and do what they needed to do to stay well. It hasn't been perfect, but it was quite the improvement. Maybe this kind of solution will resonate with your son.
On a side note, "eat" was not one of the options, so my eater first chose "stop", but decided after a couple days to change and then chose "breathe". Even if he didn't eat every half hour, he got into the habit of doing three belly breaths every half hour and I believe that alone was super helpful with his moods. Maybe a breath pause every once in a while would help your guy feel his body and feel better in it.
Good luck to you all,
Maria
I realize that I am incredibly late on this, but I just read it and had to reply.
What were you using for a timer? Does your son have a watch? Have you considered the watchminder (http://watchminder.com/), or anything like it? You can set one of these silent alarm watches to go off at preset intervals and display a message. On this watch one of them is "potty". I got these watches for two of my 5 year-olds, both boys. One because he was going through several pairs of pants a day from pee and the other to remind him to eat so that he did not fly into a hypoglycemic rage.
The watches really helped to take the onus of reminding (nagging) my guys to take care of their bodies off of me and it empowered them to program their watches, choose their messages, and do what they needed to do to stay well. It hasn't been perfect, but it was quite the improvement. Maybe this kind of solution will resonate with your son.
On a side note, "eat" was not one of the options, so my eater first chose "stop", but decided after a couple days to change and then chose "breathe". Even if he didn't eat every half hour, he got into the habit of doing three belly breaths every half hour and I believe that alone was super helpful with his moods. Maybe a breath pause every once in a while would help your guy feel his body and feel better in it.
Good luck to you all,
Maria