Deb

I have been trying to go the unschooling road for about nine months now, and while we had a good beginning, my eight, soon to be nine year old is bored out of his goard. I've been strewing and watching him play game after game after game after Minecraft after Minecraft after game and I bought tons of stuff,hoping he'll get interested in any of them eventually but it doesn't seem to be happening. I'm bored watching him, my husband had me homeschooling him for a little while until I came back to my senses, and yesterday I heard myself threaten my son with public school if he didn't do something "schooly"!!! What is wrong with me?? Or him? Is this an age thing? Is he recovering from the short bout we had with schooling at home for dad? I need to apologize for what I said yesterday but what else can I do? I understand that Minecraft and video games have their educational merit but I can't let that be it as far as his education goes, can I ? I've heard all these great stories of how unschooled kids want to read and love art and music and want to do studies of countries, etc. etc.
Anyone with any advice please tell me what to do and what not to do. I feel like a failure and every six months that go by that he won't even try something educational, I feel like a failure. How do I know this is right for him? I feel in my gut that it is but should it be taking this long for a spark to go off??
Thank you, Deborah

P,S. I have read Sandra's book and her website as well as many others. I've tried to put into practice the techniques but end up feeling less than the authors. Is there a key I'm missing?

[email protected]

Are you doing anything interesting? I am honestly fascinated by people who
are bored. There are so many things to do all the time!

Do fun things. Go to parks, go to museums, go to festivals and fairs, go
apple picking, go hiking. Decide to sample all the pizza places in your
community and pick a winner. Take up art and do lessons online. Watch youtube
videos, make youtube videos, look up things you think are interesting and
learn how to do them. I could go on and on.

If your son sees you actively engaging in learning every day he will too.
It is contagious.

PS: My kids who love minecraft also love the coding lessons at
_http://www.codecademy.com/_ (http://www.codecademy.com/)

Basically just live life, don't wait for things to happen make them happen.




In a message dated 10/23/2012 10:12:14 A.M. Pacific Daylight Time,
vwb777@... writes:




I have been trying to go the unschooling road for about nine months now,
and while we had a good beginning, my eight, soon to be nine year old is
bored out of his goard. I've been strewing and watching him play game after
game after game after Minecraft after Minecraft after game and I bought tons
of stuff,hoping he'll get interested in any of them eventually but it
doesn't seem to be happening. I'm bored watching him, my husband had me
homeschooling him for a little while until I came back to my senses, and yesterday I
heard myself threaten my son with public school if he didn't do something
"schooly"!!! What is wrong with me?? Or him? Is this an age thing? Is he
recovering from the short bout we had with schooling at home for dad? I need
to apologize for what I said yesterday but what else can I do? I understand
that Minecraft and video games have their educational merit but I can't
let that be it as far as his education goes, can I ? I've heard all these
great stories of how unschooled kids want to read and love art and music and
want to do studies of countries, etc. etc.
Anyone with any advice please tell me what to do and what not to do. I
feel like a failure and every six months that go by that he won't even try
something educational, I feel like a failure. How do I know this is right for
him? I feel in my gut that it is but should it be taking this long for a
spark to go off??
Thank you, Deborah

P,S. I have read Sandra's book and her website as well as many others.
I've tried to put into practice the techniques but end up feeling less than
the authors. Is there a key I'm missing?






[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Meredith

"Deb" <vwb777@...> wrote:
>
> I have been trying to go the unschooling road for about nine months now, and while we had a good beginning, my eight, soon to be nine year old is bored out of his goard. I've been strewing and watching him play game after game after game after Minecraft after Minecraft after game
****************

Are y'all going out at all? Movies? Fairs/carnivals? Skateparks? Rock climbing? Swimming? Does he have friends he plays with? Strewing "stuff" may not be enough to inspire him, he may need you to do more with him directly, or set him up with friends who can do fun things with him. "I'm bored" can mean he needs more company or attention.

It can also be a transitional thing - my daughter will say she's bored when she finishes doing one thing for awhile and can't decide what to do next. She doesn't want help deciding, necessarily, she's feeling unsettled and "at loose ends" as they say - not a comfortable feeling, but she figures out what she wants next and moves on, no longer bored. So it could be valuable for you to look at When your son is saying he's bored and what happens next - if I just counted up the times my daughter says "I'm bored" in a week, it would seem like she's "always" bored... but really she does several different things in a day and is only bored in between them - not more than an hour a day. Ray used to ride the school bus for more than an hour a day!

>>he won't even try something educational

Good for him! If you're expecting natural learning to look like "education" then That's your problem. It won't. Maybe not ever! Because that's not a good learning model for a loooooot of people. Most of the time, learning looks like playing, building, talking, singing, jumping on the trampoline, climbing, digging, throwing a ball, carving a pumpkin. Most days my daughter plays minecraft, socializes on facebook, draws, plays video games, jumps on the trampoline, builds with legos or on her lego program - and most of that time she's watching videos as well. That's it! Nothing about that looks educational - and yet she's very knowledgeable and literate.

Eventually, some unschoolers will do things that are "educational" by choice, but if you're holding out for that, you may be disappointed because you'll never see the real - and really spectacular - learning going on right in front of you.

---Meredith

Meredith

HSlater351@... wrote:
>
>I am honestly fascinated by people who
> are bored. There are so many things to do all the time!

Different people experience "boredom" differently - introverts frequently assert (at least in the company of other introverts) that conversation is boring, while extraverts can be bored doing anything which Doesn't include socializing. Many people find anything less than rampant multi-tasking boring! I mentioned my daughter expressed boredom when she's between things - I've experienced that, a sort of dull feeling where I can't decide on a next thing although not for lack of things to do! And some people associate boredom so strongly with stillness and quiet that they say they enjoy being bored - they don't seem to experience the sense of mild depression which others associate with boredom.

---Meredith

Joyce Fetteroll

On Oct 23, 2012, at 12:07 PM, Deb wrote:

> I understand that Minecraft and video games have their educational merit

Would you say that books have their educational merit? Wouldn't it sound odd to describe them that way?

> but I can't let that be it as far as his education goes, can I ?

A mom probably wouldn't be asking that for child who was doing nothing but reading books. But in reality she should!

It's asked as a yes or no question but it can't be answered that way.

Some kids will plunge into video games for a good long while. They're fascinating, challenging puzzles. And if a child is deeply involved to the point where other things pale, it's respectful to respect that interest.

If, on the other hand, the child shows boredom and video games are the most interesting of a dull lot, that's not at all the same situation.

What's important isn't the surface. What's important isn't what the child is doing. What's important is why a child is making the choices he is.


> I've tried to put into practice the techniques but end up feeling less than the authors. Is there a key I'm missing?

Perhaps thinking of them as techniques rather than how the principles look in a particular family.

Techniques suggests trying to change him into your vision of an unschooler.

Your goal should be getting to know your son so you know how to support his interests and what is likely to interest him and give him experience with it.

> I've heard all these great stories of how unschooled kids want to
> read and love art and music and want to do studies of countries, etc. etc.

A child spending the day playing video games isn't terribly inspiring to write about ;-) So most of the stories are going to be about the days that stand out.

If that's what you're expecting your son to do, and what unschooling looks like, unschooling will disappoint you.

But unschooling shouldn't look like a bored kid playing video games either. What you're looking for is engagement.

> I feel like a failure and every six months that go by that he won't even try something educational

So you don't see video games as educational?

> I've been strewing and watching him play game after game after
> game after Minecraft after Minecraft after game and I bought tons
> of stuff,hoping he'll get interested in any of them eventually but
> it doesn't seem to be happening. I'm bored watching him

Why are you watching him? Why are you waiting? Unschooling isn't about stepping back. It's about being *more* involved. The stepping back part comes when a child is engaged and doesn't want to be interrupted. All the rest of the time mom should be engaged with the child doing things.

What are you doing with him? What places are you taking him?

Get him out of the house to do things. Dig in the dirt. Look under rocks. Visit people. Go to new grocery stores and try new foods. Be interested in life and interesting.

Deb Lewis came up with a list. But don't stick to the list alone! Use it as inspiration. Use it as a way to get to know your son so you can add the unique things that *he* will enjoy.

http://sandradodd.com/strew/deblist

Joyce

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Deb

This is really a reply to everyone and a thank you to all of you who took the time to try to help me by sharing your wisdom with me.
I think I left out something important in our unschooling story. I have a disease called Arachnoiditis. It causes all if the nerve roots inside the spinal cord to fuse together and scar against the cord, causing excruciating pain in the back,legs,head,arms,and basically the entire body. Im also incontinent from it and have to have surgery for that, have electrical shock like impulses throughout my body, I have terrible balance problems, and can't stand or sit for longer than about 45 minutes. Standing is even less. I can drive but my husband doesn't like me to. I have a Fentanyl pump implanted in my body and also a neurostimulator implanted that sends like vibrations throughout my body that I control with a hand held device. It helps me tremendously. I don't tell you this to make you feel bad for me but to let you know what a challenge it is for me to be active with my son. Now I have really good days and when I take all my meds and I'm having a good day, we do go on outings and have had some wonderful experiences like dolphin tours, plantation visits, zoos, libraries, and beaches. The problem is that I can't plan for the good days. So if we're doing something and all of the sudden he says " I'm bored" or acts or looks bored, I'm at a loss. The best I can do is offer to watch a movie with him until his dad gets home somewhere between 5:30 and 6:30. Actually, as much as I love my husband, and as much as he said he supported me, my husband I think is part of the problem. He told me he would be on board and that he understood etc. etc. but when it came down to it, he wanted to see results. He's the Pastor's assistant so his days off are Friday and Saturday so you'd think it would work out great for UNschool right? I told him a few weeks ago that my expectations were that since I was doing the llion's share of the schooling that it would be good for both of them if he took over on Fridays. Well that happened except he turned it into the Little Red Schoolroom on Fridays which took lots of undoing on my part.
I'm not sure what to do. I cannot put ds back into school. He absolutely hated it and cried every day he had to go. He cried all the way there and all the way to his room and he was crying when he got off the bus. And they wanted to medicate him because he was a slow reader. Well. Last year unschoolling, he taught himself to read, thanks so much!! So there! But does anyone have any exciting things we can do at home when I physically can't leave the house? Also, anything my husband can read or that I can tell him? Sorry for all of this I just want ds to love learning and love life and I don't care if I have to be in pain to get him there. But I would love a softer, gentler way lol.

























--- In [email protected], "Meredith" <plaidpanties666@...> wrote:
>
> "Deb" <vwb777@> wrote:
> >
> > I have been trying to go the unschooling road for about nine months now, and while we had a good beginning, my eight, soon to be nine year old is bored out of his goard. I've been strewing and watching him play game after game after game after Minecraft after Minecraft after game
> ****************
>
> Are y'all going out at all? Movies? Fairs/carnivals? Skateparks? Rock climbing? Swimming? Does he have friends he plays with? Strewing "stuff" may not be enough to inspire him, he may need you to do more with him directly, or set him up with friends who can do fun things with him. "I'm bored" can mean he needs more company or attention.
>
> It can also be a transitional thing - my daughter will say she's bored when she finishes doing one thing for awhile and can't decide what to do next. She doesn't want help deciding, necessarily, she's feeling unsettled and "at loose ends" as they say - not a comfortable feeling, but she figures out what she wants next and moves on, no longer bored. So it could be valuable for you to look at When your son is saying he's bored and what happens next - if I just counted up the times my daughter says "I'm bored" in a week, it would seem like she's "always" bored... but really she does several different things in a day and is only bored in between them - not more than an hour a day. Ray used to ride the school bus for more than an hour a day!
>
> >>he won't even try something educational
>
> Good for him! If you're expecting natural learning to look like "education" then That's your problem. It won't. Maybe not ever! Because that's not a good learning model for a loooooot of people. Most of the time, learning looks like playing, building, talking, singing, jumping on the trampoline, climbing, digging, throwing a ball, carving a pumpkin. Most days my daughter plays minecraft, socializes on facebook, draws, plays video games, jumps on the trampoline, builds with legos or on her lego program - and most of that time she's watching videos as well. That's it! Nothing about that looks educational - and yet she's very knowledgeable and literate.
>
> Eventually, some unschoolers will do things that are "educational" by choice, but if you're holding out for that, you may be disappointed because you'll never see the real - and really spectacular - learning going on right in front of you.
>
> ---Meredith
>

Meredith

"Deb" <vwb777@...> wrote:
>Also, anything my husband can read or that I can tell him?

Would it help to tell him that what you really need is for him to take his son out and do "guy stuff" together? I don't know what kinds of things your son likes to do, but you could, theoretically, do some planning in that regard - plan things they can do together when your husband is available, whether or not you're having a good day. Since your husband has some concerns on the educational front, it wouldn't hurt to look for things for them to do with some "educational value" - zoos and museums, historic sites, re-enactments, ren-fairs, musical events, cultural events.

If your husband will agree to that, it will also keep him from "doing school" on those days... but don't do it as a way to subvert him, do it as a way to allow the two of them to have a better relationship and your husband to feel good about his son. That will also take some pressure off you to go out if you're not up for it - regardless of noble sentiments, it Is important that you get enough down time so that you can be at your best... even when your best isn't ideal.

>>does anyone have any exciting things we can do at home when I physically can't leave the house?
**************

It really depends on what your son considers "exciting"! Sciencey things might be exciting And have the advantage of reassuring your husband. Look into things like Snap Circuits and fancy marble runs, maybe. Or simple robots (K'nex makes some good "starter" robots that you don't need to program for relatively cheap). There's a very good geek-toy source called Mindware which you could browse for ideas:
http://www.mindware.com/Home/HomePage.aspx

But also keep in mind that some days they best you can do is watch a movie with him, or watch him play Minecraft... and that's not a bad thing. It can help a whoooooole lot, if you have the urge to compare (or your husband does) to compare directly to your experience with school. Is what you're doing at home better than That? Don't compare to some ideal of school, compare to what really happened with your son.

In fact, plan your movie selection with down days in mind. Plan some movies which will reassure your husband you're doing some educational things and mix them up with things that are overtly fun. That doesn't mean you stock up on dull documentaries though. Rent things like Mythbusters, old classics like Time Bandits, or Hitchcock films, or old James Bond movies. Rent some stop motion stuff like Wallace and Gromit or Chicken Run or some arty films like Hayso Miyazaki's. Watch extras and special features for the fun of it... but realize that in doing so you're learning more about movies and art and the connections between movies and other things. Point those kinds of things out to your husband now and then, to reassure him that all this sitting around in front of the tv is okay. You can learn as much "general knowledge" stuff - not to mention get better-than-school "art education" by watching tv and movies. Really.

---Meredith

Lesley Cross

My 8yo is VERY into minecraft and other video games as well as watching youtube videos of other people playing video games. Occasionally she says she is bored, however what I'm seeing is more the transition situation Meredith speaks of with her daughter. Yes, games can be it. My child's world is expanding through her games...she's finding new games to play, she's got an expanding repertoire of strategy, how-to, story, and yes, words she can read. This is an always unschooled child...and not my first.... Recently, after MONTHS of doing pretty much nothing but those things listed above...with no pressure to do otherwise (aside from perhaps some from her siblings who get uncomfortable when her process looks different from theirs...or when she's comfortable with things they weren't at her age...certain game content like "scary" things, etc...which we work through together so that everyone feels heard and supported). A bit ago she asked to work on reading...we began looking at some beginning reader books, began reading Harry Potter (sometimes while i follow the words with my finger) and we've been playing Go Fish alphabet style...talking about the sounds as we go. She's not interested in doing these things every day. Sometimes she asks. Sometimes I offer, with no pressure on her to say yes. She's also made requests for a few baking projects, which we then did....as she's come across some great youtube videos of folks she loves from their gaming videos doing game related baking (minecraft block cake pops, chocobo cupcakes, etc...). She loves animals and that comes out in her minecraft gaming....she got the mocreatures mod and was breeding horses for certain colors, which is a rather complex undertaking. She now occasionally goes fishing with her dad and brother....after barely agreeing to leave the house for months. And she's begun requesting certain outings....like last week she wanted to go to Animal Kingdom to ride Expedition Everest 5 times. We did. I have a request to visit the local animal shelter from here right now...we're figuring out where we can fit it in our week.

Your child's trust in you to take his requests (which can be seen as "his learning needs") seriously might take time to build. Offer things you think he'll love, not necessarily educational things...but stuff related to what he loves doing. If you can, either play minecraft with him, watch him play minecraft (I can't do either of these things because the visuals make me queasy), or just ask him about his game, listen while he plays or listen to others' "let's play" videos with him...be interested! Watching movies is great. I can't tell you how much learning goes on in our family watching tv and movies together....amazing conversations. My oldest studies things based on what he's seen...not in a formal way...but in a "I had a question so I found the answer and then some" way. He teaches me things sometimes....he knows way more about North Korea than I do, but he enticed me to watch a documentary about it.

Most people would look at my kids and say "they do nothing but sit around, watch tv and play video games". Which, true or not, is simply making an assumption that all of the above is NOT happening and that these endeavors lead nowhere. Every time I trust my children to follow what's interesting to them, to learn what they need to learn when they truly need it for their own purposes, and to lead their own fulfilled and fulfilling lives, they do. I'm not *making* this happen. I'm not walking away and leaving them adrift as they do it. I'm there. Interested. Available. Offering. And sometimes backing off and letting their process be.

What's on unschooling websites are not so much techniques as possibilities. If you are feeling "less than" that's more likely a pattern for you personally than an indication that you're actually "doing it wrong" (speaking from personal experience). If your focus is on helping your child have a fulfilling, interesting life, however *he* defines that- and on working through your questions and doubts and worries yourself, learning to question and loosen your attachment to ideas that *don't* work for your child... then you're doing fine. How your child is doing? That's mostly his determination to make...but yours to be aware of.

Lesley

ps. we had a really interesting conversation about goals, motivation, etc... today while my 8yo played Zelda and the rest of us (including her uncle who never even met her in person before today) all helped with reading, problem solving, etc.... *I* learned a new video game term "level crunching" (I think?).

http://euphorialifedesignstudio.com





[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

Well, yes, the rest of the story does help understand some of what is going on. It is always interesting to get posts in digest form. First, there's the plea for help, then the standard responses, then the rest of the story that explains why the standard responses don't apply.

And they may not apply in this case. You physically cannot do what needs doing. Your husband is only available two days a week.

What other choices do you have? Does the church where your husband is the Pastor's Assistant have a school? Are there other schools available in your area?

Or, if you are determined to stick with homeschooling and moving toward unschooling, can you? Anyone describing living as an unschooler as "I was doing the lion's share of schooling" is not there yet. And then you gave your husband the completely wrong impression about what he needed to do with your son on his days at home. Which you worked to "undo."

But are either one of you really able to unschool? Are you prepared to let go of schoolish thinking? It doesn't sound like it.

Which is not the end of the world. Would you be happier as a family with some more structured approach? Not replicating school at home, the Little Red Schoolhouse. But something a bit more traditional.

And what does your son have to say about any of this? "I'm bored" is not really a comment that means anything all by itself. Is he really all that unhappy or are you just feeling guilty that you're not busy all the time? Are you imagining that unschooling is glamorous dashing about to one exciting event after another? It's not. :) Life isn't like that and living as an unschooler isn't like that. Are you letting some idea like that make you feel like you should be doing some unachievable amount of more stuff? Or are you truly unable to provide a stimulating enough environment for your son at home? And what other choices do you have?

Nance


--- In [email protected], "Deb" <vwb777@...> wrote:
>
> This is really a reply to everyone and a thank you to all of you who took the time to try to help me by sharing your wisdom with me.
> I think I left out something important in our unschooling story. I have a disease called Arachnoiditis. It causes all if the nerve roots inside the spinal cord to fuse together and scar against the cord, causing excruciating pain in the back,legs,head,arms,and basically the entire body. Im also incontinent from it and have to have surgery for that, have electrical shock like impulses throughout my body, I have terrible balance problems, and can't stand or sit for longer than about 45 minutes. Standing is even less. I can drive but my husband doesn't like me to. I have a Fentanyl pump implanted in my body and also a neurostimulator implanted that sends like vibrations throughout my body that I control with a hand held device. It helps me tremendously. I don't tell you this to make you feel bad for me but to let you know what a challenge it is for me to be active with my son. Now I have really good days and when I take all my meds and I'm having a good day, we do go on outings and have had some wonderful experiences like dolphin tours, plantation visits, zoos, libraries, and beaches. The problem is that I can't plan for the good days. So if we're doing something and all of the sudden he says " I'm bored" or acts or looks bored, I'm at a loss. The best I can do is offer to watch a movie with him until his dad gets home somewhere between 5:30 and 6:30. Actually, as much as I love my husband, and as much as he said he supported me, my husband I think is part of the problem. He told me he would be on board and that he understood etc. etc. but when it came down to it, he wanted to see results. He's the Pastor's assistant so his days off are Friday and Saturday so you'd think it would work out great for UNschool right? I told him a few weeks ago that my expectations were that since I was doing the llion's share of the schooling that it would be good for both of them if he took over on Fridays. Well that happened except he turned it into the Little Red Schoolroom on Fridays which took lots of undoing on my part.
> I'm not sure what to do. I cannot put ds back into school. He absolutely hated it and cried every day he had to go. He cried all the way there and all the way to his room and he was crying when he got off the bus. And they wanted to medicate him because he was a slow reader. Well. Last year unschoolling, he taught himself to read, thanks so much!! So there! But does anyone have any exciting things we can do at home when I physically can't leave the house? Also, anything my husband can read or that I can tell him? Sorry for all of this I just want ds to love learning and love life and I don't care if I have to be in pain to get him there. But I would love a softer, gentler way lol.
>
>

Deb

I was taken aback by the question regarding my or our readiness to let go of anything "schoolish". I have to say that I KNOW my son is ready. He thanks me every day for unschooling him and asks me to promise that he can stay home to learn next year. If I'm honest, there are still parts of me that are scared that he might not learn what he should, but that's based on my thinking I'm not carrying this out well enough. My husband struggles too but he's coming along. I had to start keeping a learning journal every day this year for the state. We're going under option 3 which is the most lenient way to homeschool, but at any time they can swoop in and ask to see records and examples of his work. That makes me a little nervous. The journal is up to date as I have been very diligent and creative in trying to show that everything we do during the day is some type of education. But he won't write; he absolutely refuses, so I stopped asking him. I read to him if he needs something read, and every once in a while he'll read a book for his dad but doesn't seem too excited. I think it has to do with being put in the slow class at school. I don't care, he basically knows the nasics of reading and will read when he's ready to read. But deep down, to answer your question, I really do think I'm ready to drop the "schooly" stuff and just totally UNschool him. My worries about others and what my husband thinks gets in the way at times but I am committed and will do what it takes to do what's best for my son. And I think the more I talk to my husband and the more he sees Nick happy and thriving the more he'll get it, too. Thank you for helping me look at myself so deeply. I needed to do that.









--- In [email protected], "marbleface@..." <marbleface@...> wrote:
>
> Well, yes, the rest of the story does help understand some of what is going on. It is always interesting to get posts in digest form. First, there's the plea for help, then the standard responses, then the rest of the story that explains why the standard responses don't apply.
>
> And they may not apply in this case. You physically cannot do what needs doing. Your husband is only available two days a week.
>
> What other choices do you have? Does the church where your husband is the Pastor's Assistant have a school? Are there other schools available in your area?
>
> Or, if you are determined to stick with homeschooling and moving toward unschooling, can you? Anyone describing living as an unschooler as "I was doing the lion's share of schooling" is not there yet. And then you gave your husband the completely wrong impression about what he needed to do with your son on his days at home. Which you worked to "undo."
>
> But are either one of you really able to unschool? Are you prepared to let go of schoolish thinking? It doesn't sound like it.
>
> Which is not the end of the world. Would you be happier as a family with some more structured approach? Not replicating school at home, the Little Red Schoolhouse. But something a bit more traditional.
>
> And what does your son have to say about any of this? "I'm bored" is not really a comment that means anything all by itself. Is he really all that unhappy or are you just feeling guilty that you're not busy all the time? Are you imagining that unschooling is glamorous dashing about to one exciting event after another? It's not. :) Life isn't like that and living as an unschooler isn't like that. Are you letting some idea like that make you feel like you should be doing some unachievable amount of more stuff? Or are you truly unable to provide a stimulating enough environment for your son at home? And what other choices do you have?
>
> Nance
>
>
> --- In [email protected], "Deb" <vwb777@> wrote:
> >
> > This is really a reply to everyone and a thank you to all of you who took the time to try to help me by sharing your wisdom with me.
> > I think I left out something important in our unschooling story. I have a disease called Arachnoiditis. It causes all if the nerve roots inside the spinal cord to fuse together and scar against the cord, causing excruciating pain in the back,legs,head,arms,and basically the entire body. Im also incontinent from it and have to have surgery for that, have electrical shock like impulses throughout my body, I have terrible balance problems, and can't stand or sit for longer than about 45 minutes. Standing is even less. I can drive but my husband doesn't like me to. I have a Fentanyl pump implanted in my body and also a neurostimulator implanted that sends like vibrations throughout my body that I control with a hand held device. It helps me tremendously. I don't tell you this to make you feel bad for me but to let you know what a challenge it is for me to be active with my son. Now I have really good days and when I take all my meds and I'm having a good day, we do go on outings and have had some wonderful experiences like dolphin tours, plantation visits, zoos, libraries, and beaches. The problem is that I can't plan for the good days. So if we're doing something and all of the sudden he says " I'm bored" or acts or looks bored, I'm at a loss. The best I can do is offer to watch a movie with him until his dad gets home somewhere between 5:30 and 6:30. Actually, as much as I love my husband, and as much as he said he supported me, my husband I think is part of the problem. He told me he would be on board and that he understood etc. etc. but when it came down to it, he wanted to see results. He's the Pastor's assistant so his days off are Friday and Saturday so you'd think it would work out great for UNschool right? I told him a few weeks ago that my expectations were that since I was doing the llion's share of the schooling that it would be good for both of them if he took over on Fridays. Well that happened except he turned it into the Little Red Schoolroom on Fridays which took lots of undoing on my part.
> > I'm not sure what to do. I cannot put ds back into school. He absolutely hated it and cried every day he had to go. He cried all the way there and all the way to his room and he was crying when he got off the bus. And they wanted to medicate him because he was a slow reader. Well. Last year unschoolling, he taught himself to read, thanks so much!! So there! But does anyone have any exciting things we can do at home when I physically can't leave the house? Also, anything my husband can read or that I can tell him? Sorry for all of this I just want ds to love learning and love life and I don't care if I have to be in pain to get him there. But I would love a softer, gentler way lol.
> >
> >
>

Deb

I think I gave an inaccurate picture of my husband. He was pretty schoolish when he was taking over for me on Fridays, but he always takes Nick places that are educational or fun, or even both on his days off. They have gone to the WW II museum at the base where my husband retired from, they go to the beach, to get the oil changed, put to eat, shopping, swimming, the pro shop, seriously all kinds of places. And they go to the park every day now after work and swimming when the pool is open. He may have had the wrong idea about unschooling but he is a great dad and he's also very open to listening to me about things that work and don't work for unschooling. He even gave me an unschooling budget. I bought all this stuff but it seems like Nick didn't seem interested in any of it. Thanks for your response, though. You had a lot of good ideas for both of us.










--- In [email protected], "Meredith" <plaidpanties666@...> wrote:
>
> "Deb" <vwb777@> wrote:
> >Also, anything my husband can read or that I can tell him?
>
> Would it help to tell him that what you really need is for him to take his son out and do "guy stuff" together? I don't know what kinds of things your son likes to do, but you could, theoretically, do some planning in that regard - plan things they can do together when your husband is available, whether or not you're having a good day. Since your husband has some concerns on the educational front, it wouldn't hurt to look for things for them to do with some "educational value" - zoos and museums, historic sites, re-enactments, ren-fairs, musical events, cultural events.
>
> If your husband will agree to that, it will also keep him from "doing school" on those days... but don't do it as a way to subvert him, do it as a way to allow the two of them to have a better relationship and your husband to feel good about his son. That will also take some pressure off you to go out if you're not up for it - regardless of noble sentiments, it Is important that you get enough down time so that you can be at your best... even when your best isn't ideal.
>
> >>does anyone have any exciting things we can do at home when I physically can't leave the house?
> **************
>
> It really depends on what your son considers "exciting"! Sciencey things might be exciting And have the advantage of reassuring your husband. Look into things like Snap Circuits and fancy marble runs, maybe. Or simple robots (K'nex makes some good "starter" robots that you don't need to program for relatively cheap). There's a very good geek-toy source called Mindware which you could browse for ideas:
> http://www.mindware.com/Home/HomePage.aspx
>
> But also keep in mind that some days they best you can do is watch a movie with him, or watch him play Minecraft... and that's not a bad thing. It can help a whoooooole lot, if you have the urge to compare (or your husband does) to compare directly to your experience with school. Is what you're doing at home better than That? Don't compare to some ideal of school, compare to what really happened with your son.
>
> In fact, plan your movie selection with down days in mind. Plan some movies which will reassure your husband you're doing some educational things and mix them up with things that are overtly fun. That doesn't mean you stock up on dull documentaries though. Rent things like Mythbusters, old classics like Time Bandits, or Hitchcock films, or old James Bond movies. Rent some stop motion stuff like Wallace and Gromit or Chicken Run or some arty films like Hayso Miyazaki's. Watch extras and special features for the fun of it... but realize that in doing so you're learning more about movies and art and the connections between movies and other things. Point those kinds of things out to your husband now and then, to reassure him that all this sitting around in front of the tv is okay. You can learn as much "general knowledge" stuff - not to mention get better-than-school "art education" by watching tv and movies. Really.
>
> ---Meredith
>