Amanda Sutton

Hi I am new to the list- mom to Emily (13) Jasmine (4) and |Theo (4
months) living in a little UK village.

I really want to do unschooling, to live an unschooling life, but my
eldest has reservations. We have tried nearly all the different home
school methods over the past 5 1/2 yrs and they always start off
well then lead to resistance. i love the idea of unschooling and
think it is the only way to go.

When I asked my dd about her reservations, she informed me that yes
it may be fun until she becomes 16, and is then unable to go to
college becasue she hasn't done her GCSE's (UK qualification most
colleges ask for) She is afraid she will end up stupid, doing a job
that she hates and said it will be because she didn't laern anything
(think she means academics)when she was younger.

There are a lot of 'shoulds' and 'meant to do' 'at her level' in her
speech probably from dh who believes it is our job to challenge and
stretch her. Dh also believe unschooling is better for those who are
artistic based and not academic based!! grrrrrrrrrr

How can I help her see unschooling can be what she wants it to, that
she can do anything and life can continue to be fun- becaaue I
believe it can and there are always choices, and that you don't have
to take a job you ahte and you don't have to go to college because
all your friends are (she doesn't want to play catch up) But there
is a lot of comparison to her peers how they are going to
college...it's like she doesn't know who she is and what she wants
to do..

Amanda
Any ideas where to go with this?

Dana Matt

Unschooling isn't about *not* learning academics, it's
about learning what's important to her--so obviously,
if that's important to her, she will choose to learn
it. Unschooling just means you can no longer harp on
her to do her work ;) Tell her it's the best of both
worlds! I don't know anything about the UK, but I
have a 12 yo here, who's never been to school, never
had an assignment. She looks at possibilities in
life, not limits. She knows she can do whatever she
wants, now and in the future. Your daughter doesn't
have to "agree" to unschool, just STOP ASSIGNING
things to her. :)

Dana
She is afraid she will end up
> stupid, doing a job
> that she hates and said it will be because she
> didn't laern anything
> (think she means academics)when she was younger.


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In a message dated 12/27/2004 11:48:25 A.M. Eastern Standard Time,
skypainter@... writes:

Hi I am new to the list- mom to Emily (13) Jasmine (4) and |Theo (4
months) living in a little UK village.<<<<

Hi, Amanda. Welcome to the list. I know there is a HUGE group in the UK that
unschools----they even have a big camping weekend once a year. Maybe if you
could get together with them, she could chat with other teens and maybe other
moms and see that it DOES work. If you can't find a group---let us know. We
put out a call to the other Brits and ask them for more info about this
gathering.



>>>>>>>I really want to do unschooling, to live an unschooling life, but my
eldest has reservations. We have tried nearly all the different home
school methods over the past 5 1/2 yrs and they always start off
well then lead to resistance. <snip>
When I asked my dd about her reservations, she informed me that yes
it may be fun until she becomes 16, and is then unable to go to
college becasue she hasn't done her GCSE's (UK qualification most
colleges ask for) She is afraid she will end up stupid, doing a job
that she hates and said it will be because she didn't laern anything
(think she means academics)when she was younger.<<<<<<<

The other "formal" homeschooling you've been trying these past five years
did this damage! She believes that she can only learn if someone is teaching
her. And she believes that learning *must* look academic.

>>>>>There are a lot of 'shoulds' and 'meant to do' 'at her level' in her
speech probably from dh who believes it is our job to challenge and
stretch her. Dh also believe unschooling is better for those who are
artistic based and not academic based!! grrrrrrrrrr<<<<<


It's HER job to challenge and stretch herself. And she WILL do it
eventually. We're hard-wired to do just that. But not while everyone else is doing it
for her.

I'm artistic. But when I was in school, I was academically-based. I was
going to vet school, so *I* felt I needed lots of math and science and Latin and
Greek. *I* pushed myself in that direction. And HARD! Had I been unschooled, I
STILL would have been driven to study these things. I was driven. I still
am! <g> But in different things at different times.

I would have loved _The Well-trained Mind_ as a kid! <bwg>


>>>>>>>How can I help her see unschooling can be what she wants it to, that
she can do anything and life can continue to be fun- becaaue I
believe it can and there are always choices, and that you don't have
to take a job you ahte and you don't have to go to college because
all your friends are (she doesn't want to play catch up) But there
is a lot of comparison to her peers how they are going to
college...it's like she doesn't know who she is and what she wants
to do..<<<<<<<<<<<<

I think you need to find some adults/older teens who have done *what* they
want to do----and who are happy doing just that.

She at an age that's difficult because she can't see that far into the
future AND she's believing what her peers and society tells her. My son was really
unsure about this new unschooling journey at that age too. But now his
schooled friends are absolutely miserable in high school, while he pursues what
he's interested in. He's the happiest teen he knows! <g>

You really need to make some contact with other unschoolers IRL. That helps
IMMENSELY with teens. At last year's conference, we saw a couple of teens that
thought their moms were *nuts* for even contemplating unschooling. They
changed over the weekend when they met 20 or so teens that were so incredibly
happy with their lives. They discussed what they do during the days (and nights!
<g>) and they found common interests. Several are getting together next
month to hang out!

Anyone else have info about this camp-out in the UK? Or an unschooling
contact there? I get the Freedom in Education newsletter from the UK every
month----but is there a contact person? Conferences?

Unschooling is about learning whatever strikes your fancy. If she *wants* to
learn more academically-based stuff, well, that's her own unschooling. But it
would be at her pace and what interests HER.

I wouldn't touch Elizabethan history with a ten foot pole! But I'm a nut for
Egyptian, Roman, Greek, Celtic, Revolutionary, Civil War, Tsarist Russia, &
WWI history! She may have a special time in history that fascinates her. And
science----I love most of biology----but ONE-CELLED JUNK? No way! I think
physics is pretty cool---but chemistry???

She can make her unschooling as schooly as she'd like. Mine would have been!
But she needs to understand that it can look like whatever she's interested
in.

If she complains that she wants to learn these things, but doesn't want to
do the work----well, then she DOESN'T want to learn it. Not really. We're each
capable of learning pretty damned complex things when we want to. It's truly
amazing. She just needs to think about this a bit.

Has she read _The Teenage Liberation Handbook_? Or have you read it to her??
How about Frank Smith's _The Book of Learning and Forgetting_? Two really
great books for teens to really understand that THEY are in charge of what goes
into their heads!

Good luck----and I hope to see you back here! I'll work on some contact info
in the UK!

~Kelly





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