buying toys
Toby
My 5 yr old son has been into buying toys for over a year. I have tried to get over my own issues of wasting money to help him get what he wants. At the same time, we can't go on a shopping spree every day. I have a problem figuring out what to buy without a budget. I've tried all different things with him. I've gone into namebrand stores and let him pick out any toy regardless of price. If he wants lots of toys, I try to take him to the thriftstore. It doesn't seem to make a difference. The more I take him, the more he wants to go. There may be an underlying need for him, but I don't know what it is. Maybe I'm not paying enough attention to him or something, but I'm not sure. Yesterday I had two appointments. In between I took him to a thriftstore and we rollerbladed and had a picnic. After the second appointment we were at a playground. By 3:00PM, I was done and ready to go home. He wanted to go buy more toys at another store. I didn't react. I just listened to him. Eventually, he settled down and we went home. If you ask him though, he will say he was unsatisfied with the day because he didn't get to go to the 2nd store. I'm unsatisfied because I think it's impossible to satiate him without going broke. How can I satisfy both our needs? What am I missing?
Toby
Toby
plaidpanties666
--- In [email protected], "Toby" <philipntoby@...> wrote:
Why don't you have a budget? If its that you thought that was part of unschooling - Woops! There's nothing wrong with artiuclating the real limits in your life, and setting a clear budget can be a helpful way to do that.
That being said, if you have "unlimited buying power" (at least from a child's perspective) then how do you, as an adult, make decisions on how much money to spend?
Spending money is a complicated issue - so many of our other "issues" get tied up in it. To kids, that can seem utterly baffling, so they go about trying to learn about the matter the way kids learn about so many other things - they ask and ask and try and try, that's what experiential learning means. So the more you can do to help things make sense from a child's perspective, the less need he'll have to experiment.
When Mo was younger, knowing that she'd want to buy something in every store we went to, I'd figure out how much money was in the budget for "extras" and then divide that up by stores. That way I could say, just before we got out of the car to go into each store "the budget is such-and-such". If she wanted something that cost a little more, we'd talk about that and figure out where the money could come from. If it was at the first store of the trip, then it was usually a simple matter of spending less at the next stop. If it was the last (or only) store, there would be different options. Maybe I could finagle an extra few dollars out of the budget. Maybe I could put back something I was buying for me. Maybe we'd put it on the wish-list for next time.
Its okay to say your tired, you know! I've said "I'm really beat and if we make one more stop I'm afraid I'll be really grouchy - I'm sorry, we can go tomorrow" and then been sure to follow through the next day. Other times I'll offer to do something like get ice-cream some place that has a drive-through as a compromise, or get a kids' meal with a toy. The drive-through compromise has saved my sanity more than once!
---Meredith (Mo 8, Ray 16)
>**********************
> My 5 yr old son has been into buying toys for over a year. I have tried to get over my own issues of wasting money to help him get what he wants. At the same time, we can't go on a shopping spree every day. I have a problem figuring out what to buy without a budget.
Why don't you have a budget? If its that you thought that was part of unschooling - Woops! There's nothing wrong with artiuclating the real limits in your life, and setting a clear budget can be a helpful way to do that.
That being said, if you have "unlimited buying power" (at least from a child's perspective) then how do you, as an adult, make decisions on how much money to spend?
Spending money is a complicated issue - so many of our other "issues" get tied up in it. To kids, that can seem utterly baffling, so they go about trying to learn about the matter the way kids learn about so many other things - they ask and ask and try and try, that's what experiential learning means. So the more you can do to help things make sense from a child's perspective, the less need he'll have to experiment.
When Mo was younger, knowing that she'd want to buy something in every store we went to, I'd figure out how much money was in the budget for "extras" and then divide that up by stores. That way I could say, just before we got out of the car to go into each store "the budget is such-and-such". If she wanted something that cost a little more, we'd talk about that and figure out where the money could come from. If it was at the first store of the trip, then it was usually a simple matter of spending less at the next stop. If it was the last (or only) store, there would be different options. Maybe I could finagle an extra few dollars out of the budget. Maybe I could put back something I was buying for me. Maybe we'd put it on the wish-list for next time.
>>By 3:00PM, I was done and ready to go home. He wanted to go buy more toys at another store. I didn't react. I just listened to him. Eventually, he settled down and we went home.***************
Its okay to say your tired, you know! I've said "I'm really beat and if we make one more stop I'm afraid I'll be really grouchy - I'm sorry, we can go tomorrow" and then been sure to follow through the next day. Other times I'll offer to do something like get ice-cream some place that has a drive-through as a compromise, or get a kids' meal with a toy. The drive-through compromise has saved my sanity more than once!
---Meredith (Mo 8, Ray 16)
Gwen
What kinds of toys is he wanting? Is there a theme?
When Megan was around five, it was like she suddenly realized how how many wonderful toys were out in the world. I noticed she almost always went for animals of some kind.
She was five when we discovered unschooling and that was one of my first big "aha" moments. I tried to make sure we were fed & rested & not expected anywhere before we went to look at toys. I became her biggest helper in finding the coolest toy. It felt so good to get as excited about the toys as she did! Toy shopping became a thing we did together instead of something she did while I waited (impatiently) for her to finish.
You'd have to figure out your own budget first, but an allowance of some kind might be something that works for your family. Megan doesn't want to save her money from week to week, so I give it to her all at once (I get paid once a month, so we do it when I get paid).
Gwen
When Megan was around five, it was like she suddenly realized how how many wonderful toys were out in the world. I noticed she almost always went for animals of some kind.
She was five when we discovered unschooling and that was one of my first big "aha" moments. I tried to make sure we were fed & rested & not expected anywhere before we went to look at toys. I became her biggest helper in finding the coolest toy. It felt so good to get as excited about the toys as she did! Toy shopping became a thing we did together instead of something she did while I waited (impatiently) for her to finish.
You'd have to figure out your own budget first, but an allowance of some kind might be something that works for your family. Megan doesn't want to save her money from week to week, so I give it to her all at once (I get paid once a month, so we do it when I get paid).
Gwen
--- On Wed, 3/17/10, Toby <philipntoby@...> wrote:
My 5 yr old son has been into buying toys for over a year. I have tried to get over my own issues of wasting money to help him get what he wants. At the same time, we can't go on a shopping spree every day. I have a problem figuring out what to buy without a budget. I've tried all different things with him. I've gone into namebrand stores and let him pick out any toy regardless of price. If he wants lots of toys, I try to take him to the thriftstore. It doesn't seem to make a difference. The more I take him, the more he wants to go. There may be an underlying need for him, but I don't know what it is. Maybe I'm not paying enough attention to him or something, but I'm not sure. Yesterday I had two appointments. In between I took him to a thriftstore and we rollerbladed and had a picnic. After the second appointment we were at a playground. By 3:00PM, I was done and ready to go home. He wanted to go buy more toys at another store. I didn't react. I just
listened to him. Eventually, he settled down and we went home. If you ask him though, he will say he was unsatisfied with the day because he didn't get to go to the 2nd store. I'm unsatisfied because I think it's impossible to satiate him without going broke. How can I satisfy both our needs? What am I missing?
Toby
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Schuyler
Linnaea really liked to get things when she was younger. She has lots and lots of stuffed toys. She has lots and lots of baby dolls. She has lots and lots of bouncy balls. Going into stores meant being comfortable with hanging out there for a long time and seeing if there was something we could afford that she wanted. It helped not to go into stores when I was hungry or tired or grouchy. Going to thrift stores helped. Going to garage sales helped. It helped, a lot, to give her an allowance. The allowance was probably the biggest help. It didn't stop me from buying her something if I wanted to, but it did stop me from making a judgement about how my money was going to be spent because it was now her money. Sometimes it was really hard. It helped to actually look at how much she was spending on things and to really budget for her desire to acquire. Having David there to pick up the pieces when I felt overwhelmed by how much she needed was amazing. We were
at the Singapore airport once and she really, really wanted to buy a pair of Chinese pajamas and I couldn't do it. We were on our way back from spending to much in Australia and I just couldn't spend more money. So, seeing that it was a good thing, a rare opportunity, David went with her and they bought these beautiful pajamas. That helped, too, seeing the joy she could find in the things she bought.
At 9, she's a more discerning shopper than I was up through my 20s and into my 30s. She doesn't have that same kind of emotional attachment to buying something that I can feel at times. If I get this thing I am loved, sort of approach. Helping her to get the things she wanted when she was 5, helping her to go out and explore the world of shopping has made her much more thrifty than I would have thought. And interestingly, she has more money saved at the moment than her brother does. Simon never really went through a period of wanting to buy so much. He's fairly steady in his spending. But Linnaea, who went through a period of really wanting to buy that we supported (with only occasional failings on my part), seems to be able to save more than Simon. I was at the store the other day with Linnaea trying to get her to buy something with my money and she just didn't want anything. Nothing was good enough to justify the expense. That said, Simon doesn't often
want me to buy anything for him, either. It's very odd to go shopping with two children who are so good at understanding value that they don't buy things unless they really want them.
Try and figure out ways to work within your budget. If your town has a Saturday market, go there, go to garage sales, those are so much fun, I miss garage sales, go to thrift stores, go to a toy store and just sit and play with the stuff and explore and talk about things. See it as a museum trip. Go to auctions and see if you can buy a toy lot for not much money. Explore the world of purchasing. If that's what he wants to do, go with it. Absolutely have a budget, but don't see it as wasting money. See it as supporting his interest.
Schuyler
________________________________
My 5 yr old son has been into buying toys for over a year. I have tried to get over my own issues of wasting money to help him get what he wants. At the same time, we can't go on a shopping spree every day. I have a problem figuring out what to buy without a budget. I've tried all different things with him. I've gone into namebrand stores and let him pick out any toy regardless of price. If he wants lots of toys, I try to take him to the thriftstore. It doesn't seem to make a difference. The more I take him, the more he wants to go. There may be an underlying need for him, but I don't know what it is. Maybe I'm not paying enough attention to him or something, but I'm not sure. Yesterday I had two appointments. In between I took him to a thriftstore and we rollerbladed and had a picnic. After the second appointment we were at a playground. By 3:00PM, I was done and ready to go home. He wanted to go buy more toys at another store. I didn't react. I just
listened to him. Eventually, he settled down and we went home. If you ask him though, he will say he was unsatisfied with the day because he didn't get to go to the 2nd store. I'm unsatisfied because I think it's impossible to satiate him without going broke. How can I satisfy both our needs? What am I missing?
Toby
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
at the Singapore airport once and she really, really wanted to buy a pair of Chinese pajamas and I couldn't do it. We were on our way back from spending to much in Australia and I just couldn't spend more money. So, seeing that it was a good thing, a rare opportunity, David went with her and they bought these beautiful pajamas. That helped, too, seeing the joy she could find in the things she bought.
At 9, she's a more discerning shopper than I was up through my 20s and into my 30s. She doesn't have that same kind of emotional attachment to buying something that I can feel at times. If I get this thing I am loved, sort of approach. Helping her to get the things she wanted when she was 5, helping her to go out and explore the world of shopping has made her much more thrifty than I would have thought. And interestingly, she has more money saved at the moment than her brother does. Simon never really went through a period of wanting to buy so much. He's fairly steady in his spending. But Linnaea, who went through a period of really wanting to buy that we supported (with only occasional failings on my part), seems to be able to save more than Simon. I was at the store the other day with Linnaea trying to get her to buy something with my money and she just didn't want anything. Nothing was good enough to justify the expense. That said, Simon doesn't often
want me to buy anything for him, either. It's very odd to go shopping with two children who are so good at understanding value that they don't buy things unless they really want them.
Try and figure out ways to work within your budget. If your town has a Saturday market, go there, go to garage sales, those are so much fun, I miss garage sales, go to thrift stores, go to a toy store and just sit and play with the stuff and explore and talk about things. See it as a museum trip. Go to auctions and see if you can buy a toy lot for not much money. Explore the world of purchasing. If that's what he wants to do, go with it. Absolutely have a budget, but don't see it as wasting money. See it as supporting his interest.
Schuyler
________________________________
My 5 yr old son has been into buying toys for over a year. I have tried to get over my own issues of wasting money to help him get what he wants. At the same time, we can't go on a shopping spree every day. I have a problem figuring out what to buy without a budget. I've tried all different things with him. I've gone into namebrand stores and let him pick out any toy regardless of price. If he wants lots of toys, I try to take him to the thriftstore. It doesn't seem to make a difference. The more I take him, the more he wants to go. There may be an underlying need for him, but I don't know what it is. Maybe I'm not paying enough attention to him or something, but I'm not sure. Yesterday I had two appointments. In between I took him to a thriftstore and we rollerbladed and had a picnic. After the second appointment we were at a playground. By 3:00PM, I was done and ready to go home. He wanted to go buy more toys at another store. I didn't react. I just
listened to him. Eventually, he settled down and we went home. If you ask him though, he will say he was unsatisfied with the day because he didn't get to go to the 2nd store. I'm unsatisfied because I think it's impossible to satiate him without going broke. How can I satisfy both our needs? What am I missing?
Toby
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
BRIAN POLIKOWSKY
When my son was younger , up until he as around 5, we were in a better economic situation than now and I probably bought close
to 90 percent of the things he wanted , maybe even more.
Then the situation changed and our income is a third of what it used go be.
Its been like that for the last 2 years. We just cannot go out and buy all that we want to buy.
We count every penny now. but he has been absolutely awesome about it.
He waits, we talk about it, he saves money. He saved his $50 dollars gift card he got for Christmas from an uncle
until a game he wanted came out 2 months later. No running and spending all like I have seen so many 7 years old do.
We really want to give him and X-BOx 360 but have not been able yet.
We are going to save money to get it this Christmas hopefully or if we can afford before we will.
The other da he wrote this on an YOutube comment ( comparing 2 similar online games Roblox and Blockland ):
"roblox better things
1 better cars
2 better shirts and pants...
3IM GONNA DO THIS IN
CAPS
4BETTER BUILDING
5 BETTER GAMES
block land bad things
1 HARD TO
BUILD
2 LIMTED BIRCKS
3 REALLY BAD GAMES
end I PICK ROBLOX ITS BETTER
AND ITS FREE oh and save the money you think you were going to use for blockland
for a dsi or a ds or a xbox (JUST TO KNOW XBOX IS HARD TO GET)
Alex Polikowsky
http://polykow.blogspot.com/
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/unschoolingmn/
._,___
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
to 90 percent of the things he wanted , maybe even more.
Then the situation changed and our income is a third of what it used go be.
Its been like that for the last 2 years. We just cannot go out and buy all that we want to buy.
We count every penny now. but he has been absolutely awesome about it.
He waits, we talk about it, he saves money. He saved his $50 dollars gift card he got for Christmas from an uncle
until a game he wanted came out 2 months later. No running and spending all like I have seen so many 7 years old do.
We really want to give him and X-BOx 360 but have not been able yet.
We are going to save money to get it this Christmas hopefully or if we can afford before we will.
The other da he wrote this on an YOutube comment ( comparing 2 similar online games Roblox and Blockland ):
"roblox better things
1 better cars
2 better shirts and pants...
3IM GONNA DO THIS IN
CAPS
4BETTER BUILDING
5 BETTER GAMES
block land bad things
1 HARD TO
BUILD
2 LIMTED BIRCKS
3 REALLY BAD GAMES
end I PICK ROBLOX ITS BETTER
AND ITS FREE oh and save the money you think you were going to use for blockland
for a dsi or a ds or a xbox (JUST TO KNOW XBOX IS HARD TO GET)
Alex Polikowsky
http://polykow.blogspot.com/
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/unschoolingmn/
._,___
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
sharon
--- In [email protected], "plaidpanties666" <plaidpanties666@...> wrote:
Sharon
>I think the part that is unschooling is being emotionally supportive and present to our kids when and if they get upset over their needs/wants not being able to be met.
> --- In [email protected], "Toby" <philipntoby@> wrote:
> >
> > My 5 yr old son has been into buying toys for over a year. I have tried to get over my own issues of wasting money to help him get what he wants. At the same time, we can't go on a shopping spree every day. I have a problem figuring out what to buy without a budget.
> **********************
>
> Why don't you have a budget? If its that you thought that was part of unschooling - Woops! There's nothing wrong with artiuclating the real limits in your life, and setting a clear budget can be a helpful way to do that.
>
Sharon
plaidpanties666
--- In [email protected], "sharon" <1drflmthr@...> wrote:
---Meredith
> I think the part that is unschooling is being emotionally supportive and present to our kids when and if they get upset over their needs/wants not being able to be met.Yes, that's important! When its not possible to find a way around a limit, its good to connect with our kids' disapointment rather than shrug it aside as in "no need to cry over spilled milk".
>
---Meredith
sharon
--- In [email protected], "plaidpanties666" <plaidpanties666@...> wrote:
Sometimes the best thing is to help them get what they want/need and sometimes it is to just be with them while they feel the disappointment.
What works best for my 7 y/o son when he is upset is to just sit with him and repeat back what I hear him saying. No explaining. Just repeating what he is saying. Example:
Him: "I really want that toy!"
Me: "You really want that toy."
Him: "Yeah, ever since I saw it in a commercial, I have really wanted it."
Me: "Ever since you saw it in a commercial, you have really wanted it."
Him: "Yeah."
No sense in explaining why in that moment. He just really needs to feel heard.
Best,
Sharon
>Or getting reactive and frustrated by their disappointment. I think some parents feel like they can't handle their child's emotional outbursts so they just give in and then feel resentful.
> --- In [email protected], "sharon" <1drflmthr@> wrote:
> > I think the part that is unschooling is being emotionally supportive and present to our kids when and if they get upset over their needs/wants not being able to be met.
> >
>
> Yes, that's important! When its not possible to find a way around a limit, its good to connect with our kids' disapointment rather than shrug it aside as in "no need to cry over spilled milk".
>
> ---Meredith
Sometimes the best thing is to help them get what they want/need and sometimes it is to just be with them while they feel the disappointment.
What works best for my 7 y/o son when he is upset is to just sit with him and repeat back what I hear him saying. No explaining. Just repeating what he is saying. Example:
Him: "I really want that toy!"
Me: "You really want that toy."
Him: "Yeah, ever since I saw it in a commercial, I have really wanted it."
Me: "Ever since you saw it in a commercial, you have really wanted it."
Him: "Yeah."
No sense in explaining why in that moment. He just really needs to feel heard.
Best,
Sharon