At the end of my rope
hlf30
Please help me. I'm shaking and crying. I just blew up at my kids
big time. I'm just sick.
Background-4 kids-ds9, ds7, ds5, dd2
Have homeschooled all along. I've always been relaxed, but gradually
shifted to unschooling.
My kids fight all the time. I repeat, all the time. They fight over
everything. I'm going insane. Here are examples just from today:
I'm on the couch reading to dd2 while ds7 is building with blocks at
my feet. Dd5 comes into the room sort of walking/wiggling/being a
little boy. As he gets closer to me I say, "Be Careful of ds7's
tower." At that point he wiggles his hips extra hard and his leg
knocks over the whole thing. Ds7 jumps on him from behind and
tackles him. "How come you knocked over my tower??!!!" (hit,
hit) "Leave my stuff alone" (hit,hit) Ds5 starts sobbing.
Later.
I'm sitting down and ds7 comes over to show me something he just read
in a magazine. While he's talking to me ds5 comes and leans on ds7
hard enough for him to fall over. I said `Please stop'. He didn't,
knocked ds7 over, ds7 got up and kicked ds5.
Later.
I'm making brownies as we're going to a friend's house for supper.
I'm starting the filling and ds9 calls "Can I like the filling bowl
when you're done?" I say yes. Ds7 pipes up "Hey, I want to lick the
filling bowl." I say "You can lick the frosting bowl when I make
that this afternoon." Ds5 says "Hey that's not fair! I want
something to lick." I say "Well you can help me make the frosting."
OK everything seems fine.
I make the filling, give the bowl to ds9. Ds7 says "can't I have
just a little?" "No!" says ds9, "Mom said I could have it." Later
when I give the frosting bowl to ds7, ds 5 starts crying "How come I
don't have anything to lick?" I ask ds7 if he'd like to share. Of
course, he wouldn't. Now dd2 starts crying she wants to lick
something. I have nothing more to offer! Everyone is mad.
Later.
Dd2 asks for a poptart. I say yes and get it for her. There's two
left in the package. (you already know what's coming, right?) I
hand her one; she asks for the other. She has never, never, never
eaten more than one pop tart, she gets too full. I tell her to eat
the first one and then we'll see if she's still hungry. At that
point ds5 grabs the second pop tart off the counter and runs way
shouting "It's mine It's mine. I'm having this pop tart." Dd 2
starts screaming. I asked ds5 to please give the pop tart back to me
and we'd try to work something out. "No" he says and turns around to
try to hold it out of my reach. I try to grab it and think `this is
crazy, I'm not going to get into a grabbing match with a 5yo." Now
ds7 is crying there's no pop tarts left for him and I know ds9 is
going to throw a huge fit (crying, stomping) when he gets home from a
friend's house and sees there aren't any left.
I suppose I could go buy more Pop tarts at the store, but I couldn't
go this exact minute and when would it end. How many pop tarts would
I have to buy to make everyone happy?
I finally just blew up and yelled and stomped out of the room and
into my bedroom where I locked the door. Not the most mature thing,
but I was scared I was going to abuse my children if I didn't leave
the room NOW.
This is just a small sampling. It's all the time. Fighting over
everything, being so cruel to one another. Sometimes I feel they'd
be better off on a ps playground then home with siblings.
I've read these boards for years. I try to breathe. I say Yes
whenever I can. I try to be gentle and calm. I try to give everyone
tons of attention. I'm just stretched too thin. I feel as if
someone is always whining or crying or complaining or grumbling.
I'm at the end of my rope. Sandra, Ren, Kelly, others .please help.
Sorry if you are reading this more than once. I'm going to post it
on a few boards.
Fonty
big time. I'm just sick.
Background-4 kids-ds9, ds7, ds5, dd2
Have homeschooled all along. I've always been relaxed, but gradually
shifted to unschooling.
My kids fight all the time. I repeat, all the time. They fight over
everything. I'm going insane. Here are examples just from today:
I'm on the couch reading to dd2 while ds7 is building with blocks at
my feet. Dd5 comes into the room sort of walking/wiggling/being a
little boy. As he gets closer to me I say, "Be Careful of ds7's
tower." At that point he wiggles his hips extra hard and his leg
knocks over the whole thing. Ds7 jumps on him from behind and
tackles him. "How come you knocked over my tower??!!!" (hit,
hit) "Leave my stuff alone" (hit,hit) Ds5 starts sobbing.
Later.
I'm sitting down and ds7 comes over to show me something he just read
in a magazine. While he's talking to me ds5 comes and leans on ds7
hard enough for him to fall over. I said `Please stop'. He didn't,
knocked ds7 over, ds7 got up and kicked ds5.
Later.
I'm making brownies as we're going to a friend's house for supper.
I'm starting the filling and ds9 calls "Can I like the filling bowl
when you're done?" I say yes. Ds7 pipes up "Hey, I want to lick the
filling bowl." I say "You can lick the frosting bowl when I make
that this afternoon." Ds5 says "Hey that's not fair! I want
something to lick." I say "Well you can help me make the frosting."
OK everything seems fine.
I make the filling, give the bowl to ds9. Ds7 says "can't I have
just a little?" "No!" says ds9, "Mom said I could have it." Later
when I give the frosting bowl to ds7, ds 5 starts crying "How come I
don't have anything to lick?" I ask ds7 if he'd like to share. Of
course, he wouldn't. Now dd2 starts crying she wants to lick
something. I have nothing more to offer! Everyone is mad.
Later.
Dd2 asks for a poptart. I say yes and get it for her. There's two
left in the package. (you already know what's coming, right?) I
hand her one; she asks for the other. She has never, never, never
eaten more than one pop tart, she gets too full. I tell her to eat
the first one and then we'll see if she's still hungry. At that
point ds5 grabs the second pop tart off the counter and runs way
shouting "It's mine It's mine. I'm having this pop tart." Dd 2
starts screaming. I asked ds5 to please give the pop tart back to me
and we'd try to work something out. "No" he says and turns around to
try to hold it out of my reach. I try to grab it and think `this is
crazy, I'm not going to get into a grabbing match with a 5yo." Now
ds7 is crying there's no pop tarts left for him and I know ds9 is
going to throw a huge fit (crying, stomping) when he gets home from a
friend's house and sees there aren't any left.
I suppose I could go buy more Pop tarts at the store, but I couldn't
go this exact minute and when would it end. How many pop tarts would
I have to buy to make everyone happy?
I finally just blew up and yelled and stomped out of the room and
into my bedroom where I locked the door. Not the most mature thing,
but I was scared I was going to abuse my children if I didn't leave
the room NOW.
This is just a small sampling. It's all the time. Fighting over
everything, being so cruel to one another. Sometimes I feel they'd
be better off on a ps playground then home with siblings.
I've read these boards for years. I try to breathe. I say Yes
whenever I can. I try to be gentle and calm. I try to give everyone
tons of attention. I'm just stretched too thin. I feel as if
someone is always whining or crying or complaining or grumbling.
I'm at the end of my rope. Sandra, Ren, Kelly, others .please help.
Sorry if you are reading this more than once. I'm going to post it
on a few boards.
Fonty
Joanne Watson
One thing that you might want to look at is reducing the sugar intake?
My kids get wilder when they eat things like brownies or frosting. Pop
tarts? You're asking for it, girlfriend. Try some healthier
alternatives for snacks maybe? And know too that you're not alone.
Kids are just off the wall the week before Christmas. Mine fight over
candy canes while I stand there looking pretty imbecilic, or so I
would imagine, offering them trail mix. Oh yes, mom, do please pass
the trail mix - LOL. A sense of humor always helps...hang in there
:-)))) You are not alone!
Joanne
My kids get wilder when they eat things like brownies or frosting. Pop
tarts? You're asking for it, girlfriend. Try some healthier
alternatives for snacks maybe? And know too that you're not alone.
Kids are just off the wall the week before Christmas. Mine fight over
candy canes while I stand there looking pretty imbecilic, or so I
would imagine, offering them trail mix. Oh yes, mom, do please pass
the trail mix - LOL. A sense of humor always helps...hang in there
:-)))) You are not alone!
Joanne
On Wednesday, December 15, 2004, at 05:15 PM, hlf30 wrote:
>
>
>
> Please help me. I'm shaking and crying. I just blew up at my kids
> big time. I'm just sick.
>
> Background-4 kids-ds9, ds7, ds5, dd2
> Have homeschooled all along. I've always been relaxed, but gradually
> shifted to unschooling.
>
> My kids fight all the time. I repeat, all the time. They fight over
> everything. I'm going insane. Here are examples just from today:
>
> I'm on the couch reading to dd2 while ds7 is building with blocks at
> my feet. Dd5 comes into the room sort of walking/wiggling/being a
> little boy. As he gets closer to me I say, "Be Careful of ds7's
> tower." At that point he wiggles his hips extra hard and his leg
> knocks over the whole thing. Ds7 jumps on him from behind and
> tackles him. "How come you knocked over my tower??!!!" (hit,
> hit) "Leave my stuff alone" (hit,hit) Ds5 starts sobbing.
>
> Later.
>
> I'm sitting down and ds7 comes over to show me something he just read
> in a magazine. While he's talking to me ds5 comes and leans on ds7
> hard enough for him to fall over. I said `Please stop'. He didn't,
> knocked ds7 over, ds7 got up and kicked ds5.
>
> Later.
>
> I'm making brownies as we're going to a friend's house for supper.
> I'm starting the filling and ds9 calls "Can I like the filling bowl
> when you're done?" I say yes. Ds7 pipes up "Hey, I want to lick the
> filling bowl." I say "You can lick the frosting bowl when I make
> that this afternoon." Ds5 says "Hey that's not fair! I want
> something to lick." I say "Well you can help me make the frosting."
> OK everything seems fine.
>
> I make the filling, give the bowl to ds9. Ds7 says "can't I have
> just a little?" "No!" says ds9, "Mom said I could have it." Later
> when I give the frosting bowl to ds7, ds 5 starts crying "How come I
> don't have anything to lick?" I ask ds7 if he'd like to share. Of
> course, he wouldn't. Now dd2 starts crying…she wants to lick
> something. I have nothing more to offer! Everyone is mad.
>
> Later.
>
> Dd2 asks for a poptart. I say yes and get it for her. There's two
> left in the package. (you already know what's coming, right?) I
> hand her one; she asks for the other. She has never, never, never
> eaten more than one pop tart, she gets too full. I tell her to eat
> the first one and then we'll see if she's still hungry. At that
> point ds5 grabs the second pop tart off the counter and runs way
> shouting "It's mine It's mine. I'm having this pop tart." Dd 2
> starts screaming. I asked ds5 to please give the pop tart back to me
> and we'd try to work something out. "No" he says and turns around to
> try to hold it out of my reach. I try to grab it and think `this is
> crazy, I'm not going to get into a grabbing match with a 5yo." Now
> ds7 is crying there's no pop tarts left for him and I know ds9 is
> going to throw a huge fit (crying, stomping) when he gets home from a
> friend's house and sees there aren't any left.
>
> I suppose I could go buy more Pop tarts at the store, but I couldn't
> go this exact minute and when would it end. How many pop tarts would
> I have to buy to make everyone happy?
>
> I finally just blew up and yelled and stomped out of the room and
> into my bedroom where I locked the door. Not the most mature thing,
> but I was scared I was going to abuse my children if I didn't leave
> the room NOW.
>
> This is just a small sampling. It's all the time. Fighting over
> everything, being so cruel to one another. Sometimes I feel they'd
> be better off on a ps playground then home with siblings.
>
> I've read these boards for years. I try to breathe. I say Yes
> whenever I can. I try to be gentle and calm. I try to give everyone
> tons of attention. I'm just stretched too thin. I feel as if
> someone is always whining or crying or complaining or grumbling.
>
> I'm at the end of my rope. Sandra, Ren, Kelly, others….please help.
> Sorry if you are reading this more than once. I'm going to post it
> on a few boards.
>
> Fonty
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> Yahoo! Groups Links
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
J. Stauffer
I don't know where you live but I would suggest an outing. This time of
year we go looking for a grand Yule Log (actually a piece of Juniper that
has fallen). We gather berries, various organic material and hot glue it to
the log. It then gets the place of honor in the fire place until the
Solstice.
When we look back on all those old holiday movies, you notice that the
people are always baking, doing crafts, singing. I think we might have
something to learn there. Kids ARE nuts during this time. The media and
society, sometimes family, have them hyped up to the nth degree. We have
found that if we turn everything non-Christmas to the back burner and spend
this week with an activity each day, it helps tremendously. Doesn't have to
cost money, does take patience and a happy attitude.
julie S.
year we go looking for a grand Yule Log (actually a piece of Juniper that
has fallen). We gather berries, various organic material and hot glue it to
the log. It then gets the place of honor in the fire place until the
Solstice.
When we look back on all those old holiday movies, you notice that the
people are always baking, doing crafts, singing. I think we might have
something to learn there. Kids ARE nuts during this time. The media and
society, sometimes family, have them hyped up to the nth degree. We have
found that if we turn everything non-Christmas to the back burner and spend
this week with an activity each day, it helps tremendously. Doesn't have to
cost money, does take patience and a happy attitude.
julie S.
----- Original Message -----
From: "Joanne Watson" <joannecwatson@...>
To: <[email protected]>
Sent: Friday, December 17, 2004 4:43 AM
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] At the end of my rope
One thing that you might want to look at is reducing the sugar intake?
My kids get wilder when they eat things like brownies or frosting. Pop
tarts? You're asking for it, girlfriend. Try some healthier
alternatives for snacks maybe? And know too that you're not alone.
Kids are just off the wall the week before Christmas. Mine fight over
candy canes while I stand there looking pretty imbecilic, or so I
would imagine, offering them trail mix. Oh yes, mom, do please pass
the trail mix - LOL. A sense of humor always helps...hang in there
:-)))) You are not alone!
Joanne
On Wednesday, December 15, 2004, at 05:15 PM, hlf30 wrote:
>
>
>
> Please help me. I'm shaking and crying. I just blew up at my kids
> big time. I'm just sick.
>
> Background-4 kids-ds9, ds7, ds5, dd2
> Have homeschooled all along. I've always been relaxed, but gradually
> shifted to unschooling.
>
> My kids fight all the time. I repeat, all the time. They fight over
> everything. I'm going insane. Here are examples just from today:
>
> I'm on the couch reading to dd2 while ds7 is building with blocks at
> my feet. Dd5 comes into the room sort of walking/wiggling/being a
> little boy. As he gets closer to me I say, "Be Careful of ds7's
> tower." At that point he wiggles his hips extra hard and his leg
> knocks over the whole thing. Ds7 jumps on him from behind and
> tackles him. "How come you knocked over my tower??!!!" (hit,
> hit) "Leave my stuff alone" (hit,hit) Ds5 starts sobbing.
>
> Later.
>
> I'm sitting down and ds7 comes over to show me something he just read
> in a magazine. While he's talking to me ds5 comes and leans on ds7
> hard enough for him to fall over. I said `Please stop'. He didn't,
> knocked ds7 over, ds7 got up and kicked ds5.
>
> Later.
>
> I'm making brownies as we're going to a friend's house for supper.
> I'm starting the filling and ds9 calls "Can I like the filling bowl
> when you're done?" I say yes. Ds7 pipes up "Hey, I want to lick the
> filling bowl." I say "You can lick the frosting bowl when I make
> that this afternoon." Ds5 says "Hey that's not fair! I want
> something to lick." I say "Well you can help me make the frosting."
> OK everything seems fine.
>
> I make the filling, give the bowl to ds9. Ds7 says "can't I have
> just a little?" "No!" says ds9, "Mom said I could have it." Later
> when I give the frosting bowl to ds7, ds 5 starts crying "How come I
> don't have anything to lick?" I ask ds7 if he'd like to share. Of
> course, he wouldn't. Now dd2 starts crying…she wants to lick
> something. I have nothing more to offer! Everyone is mad.
>
> Later.
>
> Dd2 asks for a poptart. I say yes and get it for her. There's two
> left in the package. (you already know what's coming, right?) I
> hand her one; she asks for the other. She has never, never, never
> eaten more than one pop tart, she gets too full. I tell her to eat
> the first one and then we'll see if she's still hungry. At that
> point ds5 grabs the second pop tart off the counter and runs way
> shouting "It's mine It's mine. I'm having this pop tart." Dd 2
> starts screaming. I asked ds5 to please give the pop tart back to me
> and we'd try to work something out. "No" he says and turns around to
> try to hold it out of my reach. I try to grab it and think `this is
> crazy, I'm not going to get into a grabbing match with a 5yo." Now
> ds7 is crying there's no pop tarts left for him and I know ds9 is
> going to throw a huge fit (crying, stomping) when he gets home from a
> friend's house and sees there aren't any left.
>
> I suppose I could go buy more Pop tarts at the store, but I couldn't
> go this exact minute and when would it end. How many pop tarts would
> I have to buy to make everyone happy?
>
> I finally just blew up and yelled and stomped out of the room and
> into my bedroom where I locked the door. Not the most mature thing,
> but I was scared I was going to abuse my children if I didn't leave
> the room NOW.
>
> This is just a small sampling. It's all the time. Fighting over
> everything, being so cruel to one another. Sometimes I feel they'd
> be better off on a ps playground then home with siblings.
>
> I've read these boards for years. I try to breathe. I say Yes
> whenever I can. I try to be gentle and calm. I try to give everyone
> tons of attention. I'm just stretched too thin. I feel as if
> someone is always whining or crying or complaining or grumbling.
>
> I'm at the end of my rope. Sandra, Ren, Kelly, others….please help.
> Sorry if you are reading this more than once. I'm going to post it
> on a few boards.
>
> Fonty
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> Yahoo! Groups Links
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
Yahoo! Groups Links
soggyboysmom
--- In [email protected], "J. Stauffer"
<jnjstau@d...> wrote:
Kids ARE nuts during this time. The media and society, sometimes
family, have them hyped up to the nth degree.
But it doesn't have to be. We haven't seen that at all with DS (6
1/2) because we just have never "bought in" to the media and society
and family hype. We don't write letters to Santa, we don't leave out
milk and cookies (and carrots for the reindeer), he chooses whether
or not to get a picture with Santa (usually a disinterested No
thanks), his presents under the tree are from "Mommy and Daddy"
(with the occasional package from Mrs. Claus that my mom ships up
instead of waiting until we get down there). We do love to watch all
the holiday classics, especially things like Charlie Brown and the
old Grinch and Rudolph and all and we went to see Polar Express
which was pretty cool (but not the IMAX - I get motion sick at those
bleh) so it's not like he doesn't know these things happen.
We've been to the mall TWICE this past week (the height of holiday
madness for some) and both times we had an absolute BLAST. The first
time, we looked at and he played with some RC cars (really cool) but
they were $40 which we didn't have at the time available to spend.
So, we looked, played, talked about how neat they were, how much
they cost, reminded each other to tell DH (who was hiking out to the
car to save us the walk) about them, went and looked at puppies, got
some chocolate at Godiva (mmmm!) and left the mall. No fuss, no
whine, nada. Then last night we decided to go eat at the food court
and people watch. After eating, we browsed around and found the RC
vehicles again (after I got to go look at puppies - we've got two
big dogs but I love/hate looking in the pet store). DS got to drive
a different one, DH and I consulted and we got a car and a hover
craft type thingie (payday occurred in between Sunday and Thursday).
No mysterious packages, no "wait until Christmas" or ducking back
there secretly. We just took them home and DH and DS played with
them (took the hovercraftie outside to see the lights hovering in
the air in the pitch dark - cool!). They had just enough life in the
rechargeable batteries for about 30 minutes of play, then they got
plugged in and we headed up to bed for more of DH's wonderful
character voices reading Captain Underpants.
<jnjstau@d...> wrote:
Kids ARE nuts during this time. The media and society, sometimes
family, have them hyped up to the nth degree.
But it doesn't have to be. We haven't seen that at all with DS (6
1/2) because we just have never "bought in" to the media and society
and family hype. We don't write letters to Santa, we don't leave out
milk and cookies (and carrots for the reindeer), he chooses whether
or not to get a picture with Santa (usually a disinterested No
thanks), his presents under the tree are from "Mommy and Daddy"
(with the occasional package from Mrs. Claus that my mom ships up
instead of waiting until we get down there). We do love to watch all
the holiday classics, especially things like Charlie Brown and the
old Grinch and Rudolph and all and we went to see Polar Express
which was pretty cool (but not the IMAX - I get motion sick at those
bleh) so it's not like he doesn't know these things happen.
We've been to the mall TWICE this past week (the height of holiday
madness for some) and both times we had an absolute BLAST. The first
time, we looked at and he played with some RC cars (really cool) but
they were $40 which we didn't have at the time available to spend.
So, we looked, played, talked about how neat they were, how much
they cost, reminded each other to tell DH (who was hiking out to the
car to save us the walk) about them, went and looked at puppies, got
some chocolate at Godiva (mmmm!) and left the mall. No fuss, no
whine, nada. Then last night we decided to go eat at the food court
and people watch. After eating, we browsed around and found the RC
vehicles again (after I got to go look at puppies - we've got two
big dogs but I love/hate looking in the pet store). DS got to drive
a different one, DH and I consulted and we got a car and a hover
craft type thingie (payday occurred in between Sunday and Thursday).
No mysterious packages, no "wait until Christmas" or ducking back
there secretly. We just took them home and DH and DS played with
them (took the hovercraftie outside to see the lights hovering in
the air in the pitch dark - cool!). They had just enough life in the
rechargeable batteries for about 30 minutes of play, then they got
plugged in and we headed up to bed for more of DH's wonderful
character voices reading Captain Underpants.
averyschmidt
> Background-4 kids-ds9, ds7, ds5, dd2gradually
> Have homeschooled all along. I've always been relaxed, but
> shifted to unschooling.over
> My kids fight all the time. I repeat, all the time. They fight
> everything. I'm going insane.I'm so sorry you're going through this.
A few years ago I wrote something very similar to another list when
I thought *I* was going to lose it with my kids fighting.
Actually there were several times. The examples you gave I can *so*
relate to- the details are different from one incident to the next
but the overall theme stays frustratingly the same, doesn't it?
My boys are now 11, 9, and 5. I think the worst point was around
the time my older 2 boys were around 6 and 8. Even though I never
actually went through with it (thankfully) there were times I almost
put them in school because I didn't think I could survive another
day without a break from constant bickering.
So I won't give you band-aid solutions for those examples, because I
know from experience that if it's not one thing it's something else,
almost like they need to get animosity toward each other out of
their systems or something.
I can promise you that it gets better. Now that they're older it's
definitely lessened and they are good friends more often than not.
I can also say that then, and even now (but especially then), having
another child over changed the dynamic considerably and there was
*much* less fighting. Several friends would be even better- more
chaos and clean-up and noise, but LESS FIGHTING! I'll take it. :-)
I also figured out that validation without judgement of each child's
feelings towards the other helped a *lot* more than shaming or
chiding them for such feelings. This helps even now... if my oldest
needs to vent I just listen without adding my own emotional baggage
to what he's saying. For example, he might need to tell me
privately in a moment of anger that sometimes he wishes his brother
had never been born, that he "hates" him, that he drives him crazy,
etc. Saying "well but he's a part of this family and you have to
learn to get along!" doesn't help at all, but "I know how you feel,
I used to feel like that sometimes toward my sister when I was
growing up. It's *hard* to have a brother around all the time isn't
it?" really does help. He's able to release the anger and go back
to being his brother's buddy more quickly.
I also think it's important to get one on one time with each child.
My children, especially when they were younger, were truly different
people one at a time than when with their brothers. I think it's
important for each child to be the only kid around sometimes, and I
also think it's important for *you* to get to know each child as an
individual outside of the context of sibling dynamics. This is more
practical for some people than it is for others, but if it's at all
possible it *really* helps if only to get a glimpse of who they
really are and to try to remember that when the together-times are
rough.
It really does pass.
I hope something in there is helpful.
Patti