Brendalee McGovern

To all my un-schooling conterparts nationwide

I have come across an issue that I need some useful suggestive help with

it's the city in which we live - Woonsocket RI

While my son has only been away from the public school system for a short time (May of 2004)

We are now required to administer assessment tests and I am to give the school a copy of what we cover on a weekly basis

how do you all get around such a thing?

they want to know what science we are covering
what mathematics, history, english and the like
and if they aren't satisfied with the answers I provide
I could loose my son to the public school system, which by the way is the reason I have decided to educate my children at home

he was on an IEP and never received the resources per the IEP agreement because I chose not to medicate him, he doesn't need drugs he needs encouragement and he needs to know that he is a vitale person in todays society not that he doesn't measure the standards set forth by the school system

[email protected] wrote:


There are 17 messages in this issue.

Topics in this digest:

1. Re: Newbie with a relatively clean slate.
From: Millie Rosa
2. Newbie with a relatively clean slate
From: "Ren Allen"
3. Newbie with a relatively clean slate
From: "Ren Allen"
4. How do you do it?
From: "Tina"
5. RE: Newbie with a relatively clean slate.
From: "Robyn Coburn"
6. Re: Paints
From: "Cheryl Morkan"
7. Re: Newbie with a relatively clean slate.
From: "jeff_legrange"
8. Re: Newbie with a relatively clean slate
From: "jeff_legrange"
9. Re: Newbie with a relatively clean slate.
From: "jeff_legrange"
10. Re: Re: Paints
From: "Jill Parmer"
11. Re: Re: Newbie with a relatively clean slate
From: Angela White
12. Re: Newbie with a relatively clean slate.
From: Deb Lewis

13. Newbie with a relatively clean slate
From: "Ren Allen"
14. Newbie with a relatively clean slate.
From: "Krisula Moyer"
15. Re: Newbie with a relatively clean slate.
From: "Robin Clevenger"
16. Re: Re: Newbie with a relatively clean slate
From: Deb Lewis

17. Re: How do you do it?
From: Deb Lewis



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Message: 1
Date: Sun, 5 Dec 2004 12:38:32 -0800 (PST)
From: Millie Rosa
Subject: Re: Newbie with a relatively clean slate.

Hi Jeff,
Congratulations on your new little baby!
It is good that you are learning about unschooling so early; this philosophy encompasses your (and your child's) whole life, and it will be a wonderful gift to her to have complete freedom from birth! Regarding your question about how to "teach" her the fundamentals, let me assure you that unschooling works. You will soon see your dd's innate drive to learn and its strength. Trust it. She will learn everything that she needs to learn. You will be able to help her by answering her questions, showing her how to seek answers on her own. You will not ever need to introduce her to topics for which she hasn't expressed an interest. If you haven't devoured Sandra Dodd's site yet, I encourage you to do so, and I am sure many others will do the same. The beauty of unschooling is that you relax and trust that learning is inevitable. My own ds, always unschooled, is not yet three, and he is already entirely literate, reading well, nearly as fast as I do and including extremely long or
difficult words...he also has broad knowledge in diverse fields: I would go so far as to call him an expert on the Solar System, rocks and minerals, and mushrooms; and he is intimate w maps on all levels from the geological survey of our immediate area to the map of the world and can id most of the US states and over half of the countries of the world. He is computer literate as well. This is all from following his own interests and having his questions answered (from the time he could point at everything and only say "Dis?"), and I assure you I have never once sat him down and said "Okay, son, let's learn about x now." My only part in this, aside from as I said, answering many questions, has been reading to him whenever he desired. I have also done some strewing; I purchased the Children's World Atlas after I noticed him studying a map in a waiting area, and have made other such purchases...he is always welcome to do what he likes with these materials (and he does choose to
study them). But it is important for me to not value his reading the atlas, say, over playing on the computer, or watching TV, as there is tremendous value and learning opportunities in every aspect of life.
Jeff, I would like to advise you to not concern yourself much with your state laws at this point. I understand why you are concerned and interested, and I myself felt this way. But there are several years before your child is of compulsary school age, and in that time these standards needn't concern you at all (and then of course there are many years beyond that before she would be "3rd grade" age). The thing is, states' laws change. Homeschooling is becoming more and more widespread and accepted and you may find that the laws in your state are totally different once your child reaches that age. You will be able to unschool your daughter wherever you live and you will be able to figure out the best way to deal w your state when that time comes. When I started researching states laws I didn't know that I would be living in a different state now (so all that research was really pointless). But, I did happen to research the laws of the state where I now reside, as it was
bordering my own. At that time, in this state (MS), the laws stated that to homeschool your children you needed to be a certified tutor and submit all sorts of records and logs, etc. Now (less than 3 years later) this state has one of the most relaxed homeschooling laws and all a parent must do is send in a note once a year stating the children's names and that they will homeschool.
Anyway, Jeff, enjoy your daughter and be amazed as you watch her learn every day of her life. You don't have to teach her; your job is to protect her freedom and allow the relaxed environment where learning comes easily.
Good luck on your journey together!
Millie
by the riverside


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Message: 2
Date: Sun, 05 Dec 2004 23:01:41 -0000
From: "Ren Allen"
Subject: Newbie with a relatively clean slate


"If unschooling is a year-round, lifelong process,
how do we decide what grade she is in; by age or by academic
achievement?

Our goal is a healthy, happy, well-adjusted daughter, unlimited in
her future prospects - while keeping Mom and Dad out of jail for
failing to follow the rules."


If your goal is a healthy, happy, well-adjusted child, then grades
and academic achievments don't really matter, do they?:)
I think the best way to have a happy, well-adjusted child, is to let
them learn the things that interest them, just as you do (you've
already figured out the forced variety doesn't work). It's all about
providing a rich environment, taking her the places you're all
interested in, meeting a variety of people, and all of you pursuing
what you love.
In a home where parents are pursuing their interests, and inviting
their children to join in whenever possible, enthusiasm and learning
seem to bubble up quite naturally. We don't live our lives with
grades, with focus on academics to satisfy some government authority
(or nosey family members), we live our lives doing the things we
love...ALL of us.

If you go to the "links" section of this website, you will have
hours and hours of reading available on the topic of unschooling.
There are many sites on all things related to unschooling there, but
I recommend starting with SandraDodd.com.

As far as the in-laws, you've got a few years. Don't borrow trouble
from the future, just plant a few seeds here and there. If you're
going to choose the unschooling lifestyle, one of the requirements
is to grow a thick skin and gather some pointed, brief phrases to
shut people up when necessary!!:)

Welcome to the site, and the learning journey with your sweet child
that has already begun.:)

Ren






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Message: 3
Date: Sun, 05 Dec 2004 23:09:59 -0000
From: "Ren Allen"
Subject: Newbie with a relatively clean slate


"My own ds, always
unschooled, is not yet three, and he is already entirely literate,
reading well,
nearly as fast as I do and including extremely long or
difficult words...he also has broad knowledge in diverse fields:"

I have a couple of things to say about what Millie posted...first of
all, she isn't exaggerating ONE tiny bit about her child!!:) He's
more literate than both my 7 and 11 year old children. It's really
weird to have a 2y.o. reading over your shoulder while you're on the
computer, let me tell you!!

Ok, but the important point I wanted to make is that unschooling is
not result oriented. Millie's child reads at 2. I have a child that
is really a beginning reader for all intents and purposes, at the
age of 11. It's all good.
Whether your child does things "early" or "late" according to the
school system, it doesn't matter to unschoolers. What matters is a
life of joy, pursuing that which we love.
Some kids will do things that society worships (like reading) at
very young ages, others will not. What I love about these unschooled
minds, is that they don't have to be labeled, graded or compared to
other people. They can SHINE (Anne Ohman's term) for who they are,
right now, today.
What a beautiful gift.

I'm sure you already realized this Jeff, but I just didn't want a
newbie thinking that kids will start reading at 2 or 3 just because
they're "unschoolers" (in reality, they're just being toddlers at
that age). It's about your precious child being who she is, and all
of you discovering new things together.

Ren





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Message: 4
Date: Sun, 05 Dec 2004 23:58:11 -0000
From: "Tina"
Subject: How do you do it?


Well, I have a question that has partly to do with the unschooling
way of life and partly to do with life management. Here goes...

Some of you may already know some of these details. In the interest
of understanding I am sharing for a clearer picture of where I am
coming from. Details...

I have seven children, five step and two biological. My oldest is
18 and starting Dorsey Business school. She, as well as the five
steps, were/are public schooled. They all, minus one of the 17-year-
old twins, live at home full time. Tabitha, Pat's oldest, is
starting Macomb in January. Tammi and Tracey are both at the local,
yuck, high school. They graduate this school year. Amie and
Andrew, Pat's two youngest, both attend at the local charter, also
yuck but better, school. Adrian, my youngest, is unschooled. He
has been since January of this year. Before that he was school at
homed, and before that public school for 2.5 years, and before that
school at homed.

We used to be in business for ourselves. He closed the shop in the
interest of destressing and just pulling a check every week. Pat is
a transmission mechanic. It's not too promising where he is
employed right now. (He hasn't been paid in four weeks.) He's in
the process of opening our shop back up. This means long hours and
very late nights. Topping this off, my dad is dying of breast
cancer. My step-sister and myself are sharing the responsibility of
caring for him, that is as long as she's not employed. She's
currently looking for a job. This is taking up at least four days
of my week. Relying on the teens is difficut, and caring for the
younger ones is demanding. Our unschooling life was already being
interrupted throughout the day in relation to the public school
schedule. It's like adding a part-time job to an already very
demanding lifestlye.

Adrian is 10 years old. He is what I believe to be a Highly
Sensitive Child. He would be considered introverted, but outspoken,
by many. He spends the majority of his time playing PS2 and
strategy games on the PC. He enjoys Adult Swim and gross cartoons
on the PC. :) It's his desire to be a video game designer and
critic. He's definately a "boy" when it comes to the outdoors. He
loves BB and pellet guns. His souvenir from Wisconsin was a new CO2
gun purchased with his own money. The highlight for him for the
trip was seeing a mother bear and her cub in my step-sister's
yard/woods. His favorite place to be is my grandparent's farm, not
our very tiny city lot at home. He really doesn't have any
friends. Also, something else that I try to not let bother me.

My concern is this. I have a signifigant other that can't help me
with much of anything due to his personal schedule and life
demands. Getting the teens to help is work in itself. Most
importantly, to me, is my unschooled son. Should I be worried about
this? What have you done in this type of uncontrolable and
temporary situation? How did you make it through? What do you
think you would do, or how do you think you would handle it? Do I
need to just chill and not worry about it? I welcome all wisdom,
tried or not.

Thanks a lot for reading this far...

Tina







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Message: 5
Date: Sun, 5 Dec 2004 15:47:54 -0800
From: "Robyn Coburn"
Subject: RE: Newbie with a relatively clean slate.

<<<<wife Jane, who is 27 years old. We have a 2-week-old daughter named
Bree. We are strongly considering home schooling/unschooling for
many, widely varied, reasons. Since she is so young, we'd like to be
able to "get our ducks in a row" before she is "supposed" to start
school, and to ensure that we don't make fatal errors in judgment
that will cause later problems.>>>>>>

Hi Jeff, welcome and congratulations.

I would heartily endorse everything that Millie said, and I just want to
pass on a couple of website addresses. Just breathe and relax. You have time
to do all this reading.

The main key is just watching your wondrous dd and staying in the moment,
letting go of any agendas, and avoiding (if you can) getting caught up in
looking for future outcomes. Most parents, especially ones who have made
their way here, don't usually make "fatal errors in judgment", just ordinary
human errors and an apology and striving to do better next time work
wonders. Children are so forgiving and wise. They show us what they need if
we only listen and watch.

For some general attachment/mindful parenting concepts:
www.naturalchild.org (lots of short articles that might appeal to dw)

"The Aware Baby" by Aletha Solter is a book that may stretch your concept of
what a baby is mentally or emotionally capable of communicating,
particularly the concept of different types of crying.

www.lalecheleague.org

For Unschooling specific information:

www.Sandradodd.com/unschooling
www.danielleconger.com/Homeschool/Welcomehome.html
www.unschooling.com
www.unschooling.info/forum

Also the archives on this list.

Some oft recommended books about education, learning and schools:

Anything (everything!) by John Holt - get the most recent editions with his
final annotations.
"The Unschooling Handbook" by Mary Griffith
"Punished by Rewards" by Alfie Kohn ( www.alfiekohn.org )
"Dumbing Us Down" and others by John Taylor Gatto - especially good to rock
the thinking of in-laws who think schools are all that.
"The Book of Learning and Forgetting" by ?? (I forget)
"The Unprocessed Child" by Valerie Fitzenreiter

There are more at Sandra's site and that others will suggest too. Sandra has
some links to non-spanking Christian websites also.

You may also enjoy the following lists:

Always Unschooled is for the parents of "pre-school" age children.
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/AlwaysUnschooled/

These are the two Unschooling discussion groups for men that my dh is
subscribed to. They are not hugely busy but he enjoys them.

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/UnschoolingDads/

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/SSUDs/

Finally, although I urge you to put any thoughts about the law on to the
back burner for now, this website has all the State laws, and contact
information for local groups and organizations. In a little while you may
want to join a local inclusive or unschooling support group that has play
dates and park days.

www.nhen.org

Robyn L. Coburn








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Message: 6
Date: Mon, 06 Dec 2004 01:25:19 -0000
From: "Cheryl Morkan"
Subject: Re: Paints


Thanks everyone for the suggestions. I have been saving eggcartons
for a while now and hve been using those. We get plastic ones and
they work great. I loved the lakeshore learning site. I think I'm
going to put in an order with them for paints by the jug, which will
by an investment but save money in the long run. I also think someone
will be finding a klutz body crayon book under the tree at my house
this year.

Thanks again everyone.

Off to make pizza!

Cheryl





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Message: 7
Date: Mon, 06 Dec 2004 01:49:05 -0000
From: "jeff_legrange"
Subject: Re: Newbie with a relatively clean slate.


Thanks for your reply, Millie.

What an amazing son you have! Congratulations.

I appreciate the very sound advice. I have seen Sandra Dodd's site,
but haven't gone through it all... yet!

I am hoping that the unschooling model will be a benefit to the
whole family. I hope to learn to let go of some of my super-
organized tendencies, my wife will learn that "learning" IS fun, and
that my baby girl learns all she needs to know without the drudgery
and pressure that her mom and I had.

Thanks again!

Jeff





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Message: 8
Date: Mon, 06 Dec 2004 02:02:50 -0000
From: "jeff_legrange"
Subject: Re: Newbie with a relatively clean slate


Thanks for your reply, Ren.

Grades and achievement don't really matter much to me. I was a "B"
student all through school while rarely cracking a book, and NEVER
doing homework. All I worry about in this regard is her future vis-a-
vis the rest of society. After all, homeschoolers/unschoolers do not
live in a vaccuum. Do we just "pick" a "grade" she is in based on
her age? As to the government, I have no problem with fudging
their "required" documentation. In my state, all they require is a
yearly intent letter, and monthly attendence records. The rest is
stuff we are required to do/keep on file at home.

My wife and I have a very active lifestyle, with numerous and widely
varied interests. I am positive that there is ample opportunity
therein for my daughter to learn and grow. She will have mountain of
reading materials, and a computer, and video games if she likes
them. As to computer use, should I make a typing tutor program
available, our wait until she asks for one?

As to the in-laws, I have already planted the homeschooling seed.
They weren't really thrilled with the prospect, but seemed to
understand my reasoning. The unschooling model.... ????

As to the thick skin, I grew one long ago - I have never really
cared what other people think of me. My wife, OTOH, is a people
pleaser and has real difficulty in defending herself and her
choices. Maybe she'll learn a new skill as well.

Thanks again!
Jeff

--- In [email protected], "Ren Allen"
wrote:

> If your goal is a healthy, happy, well-adjusted child, then grades
> and academic achievments don't really matter, do they?:)
> I think the best way to have a happy, well-adjusted child, is to
let
> them learn the things that interest them, just as you do (you've
> already figured out the forced variety doesn't work). It's all
about
> providing a rich environment, taking her the places you're all
> interested in, meeting a variety of people, and all of you
pursuing
> what you love.
> In a home where parents are pursuing their interests, and inviting
> their children to join in whenever possible, enthusiasm and
learning
> seem to bubble up quite naturally. We don't live our lives with
> grades, with focus on academics to satisfy some government
authority
> (or nosey family members), we live our lives doing the things we
> love...ALL of us.
>
> If you go to the "links" section of this website, you will have
> hours and hours of reading available on the topic of unschooling.
> There are many sites on all things related to unschooling there,
but
> I recommend starting with SandraDodd.com.
>
> As far as the in-laws, you've got a few years. Don't borrow
trouble
> from the future, just plant a few seeds here and there. If you're
> going to choose the unschooling lifestyle, one of the requirements
> is to grow a thick skin and gather some pointed, brief phrases to
> shut people up when necessary!!:)
>
> Welcome to the site, and the learning journey with your sweet
child
> that has already begun.:)
>
> Ren





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Message: 9
Date: Mon, 06 Dec 2004 02:14:18 -0000
From: "jeff_legrange"
Subject: Re: Newbie with a relatively clean slate.


Thanks for your reply, Robyn.

I appreciate the great advice, and the resources you have pointed me
to. I have several Holt books on order already, and I am about to
dive into Sandra Dodd's website.

Thanks again!

Jeff






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Message: 10
Date: Sun, 5 Dec 2004 20:50:54 -0700
From: "Jill Parmer"
Subject: Re: Re: Paints

<<going to put in an order with them for paints by the jug, which will
by an investment but save money in the long run.>>>

You may want to check out Discount School Supply http://www.discountschoolsupply.com/Default.asp?redir=true I think they have better prices that Lakeshore.

Jill


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Message: 11
Date: Tue, 07 Dec 2004 02:37:54 +1300
From: Angela White
Subject: Re: Re: Newbie with a relatively clean slate

> My wife, OTOH, is a people
> pleaser and has real difficulty in defending herself and her
> choices. Maybe she'll learn a new skill as well.
>
> Thanks again!
> Jeff
>
Hi Jeff,
it was interesting following this thread. You are certainly on the ball
with your research. My dd was 5yo before I got into it.
I did notice some comments from you that made me react. The above is
one, another one was on your wife not wanting to read much and your
wife maybe learning that learning can be fun. My impression is from
these that you are dissatisfied with your wife's choices and way of
behaving in some circumstances.
the bit on unschooling that I have picked up seems to say that we
should learn to accept our children the way they are. To accept them
completely also means accepting if they don't do the super things, the
reading, the learning the way we'd like them to, doesn't it? Now I'm
not saying that I'm neccesarily very good at these things (yet). But
if we agree with this statement, should we not also extent the same
acceptance and freedom to other people, e.g. your wife?
I am the type of person that reads all the time and needs a lot of
research and feed back until I settle comfortably on something. I tend
to look into things deeply and mull over things and I waver for quite a
while until I'm settled. It is sometimes not so easy to 'defend one's
choices' when oneself still feels new and raw at something. I often
have no problem with things in theory, but the practice and reality
often give me more to chew. What I'm trying to say is: maybe just
accept that your wife is different. That it is not 'better' to read
lots, just that you are reading lots and your wife doesn't. You are
different that's all. You have strength and she has different
strengths.E.g. I read lots and my girl friend doesn't read and never
has, apart may be form the occasional cook book :-) She runs a
successful horse tracking business and is on the go from dawn to dusk.
So far she hasn't felt the need for extended reading and I have to
admit she is doing fine, having a lot of fun. Whereas I'm trying to get
my head around my 14yo dd freedom to not help with house hold chores.
Not so much fun so far :-)
You never know, your baby might take after your wife ???
Angela

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Message: 12
Date: Mon, 6 Dec 2004 07:29:37 -0700
From: Deb Lewis

Subject: Re: Newbie with a relatively clean slate.

***Since she is so young, we'd like to be
able to "get our ducks in a row" before she is "supposed" to start
school, and to ensure that we don't make fatal errors in judgment
that will cause later problems.***

Everything seems so urgent when you have a brand new baby. Your sense
of responsibility is overwhelmed with the realization there is a life
depending on the decisions you make. I felt just like you when my son
Dylan was born. It seems like there isn't enough time to get everything
right.

The good news is you do have time. The bad news is you won't get
everything right. But even the bad news isn't all bad because in your
mistakes you'll be learning something about yourself and your daughter
and you'll do better the next time. So my first advice to you is to
relax and enjoy your new baby.

***First, where does one start?***

Start by assuming everything is all right. Trust your daughter as a
human being will want to do what humans do. Be loving, generous with
your time, be willing to participate in her world. Accept that she is
and will be her own person and doesn't need to be shaped or molded by you
or society.

***How do we "teach" the basic fundamentals? By that I mean,
beyond-bedtime-story reading, spelling, writing, and
basic arithmetic. ***

You can "teach" them any way you want to but that doesn't mean she will
learn what you're teaching. If you want to know how to "teach" there
are teaching resources galore. I hope you don't "teach." I hope you let
her learn.

If you want to know how your daughter will learn, that's something she
will show you. She will learn to read by being read to, by having access
to books and the freedom to explore. She'll learn by experimenting with
writing - she'll write jumbles of letters and be pleased about what she's
done. She'll pretend to read and be very satisfied. She'll start to
recognize letters and remember where she saw them before and when the
time is right for her it will all come together and she'll begin to read.
It might take a month or it might take twelve years. But because she
lives with people who read, in a world where written language is
everywhere, she'll learn.

She'll write when she has a reason to and she'll spell well or poorly
according to her nature. Enough people had trouble spelling well that we
now have spell check and other wondrous things to help us communicate
better. (Like telephones! No spelling!)

She'll learn about math when she wants to buy toys, keep score in a game
or divide cookies fairly among friends. If she finds math interesting
she'll look for ways to learn more about it. If she doesn't, maybe her
talents will be for other things.

***My state requires a yearly written assessment of
Reading, Language Arts, Math, Science, and Social Studies, and
standardized testing every three years starting at the end of third
grade. How does the unschooling model conform to these
requirements?***

My state doesn't require testing but if you can find other unschoolers in
your area and talk with them I'm sure they have strategies.
My state doesn't require yearly assessments either but I could easily
write about what Dylan has done. I have a huge calendar and because I
have a mind like a steel sieve, I write everything down. So my calendar
has the dates we went to the punkin' chunkin, and the dog show and the
symphony. I have notations about hikes and fossil hunting expeditions and
museum visits and art gallery tours and clay classes and martial arts
tournaments, and ... Life won't let you down. You'll find your
assessment material.

***What do we say to Jane's parents when they pitch the inevitable fit?
***

"Bye!" You can tell them you're considering homeschooling. You can
tell them you're going to see how it goes. You can tell them Bree can go
to school if she wants to. The less you talk to them about your
personal decisions the fewer fits they can pitch. She's not their child
and it's not their place to make decisions about your family. You are
not required by law to let them fling the poo of negativity on you.

We said "Dylan doesn't want to go to kindergarten." That was ok with the
family members who were living near us because they could see he was
happy and bright and not missing anything. Compulsory school age is
seven here, so they weren't in panic mode yet. When he was six we said
"He doesn't want to go to school." That was still ok with the closer
relatives because he wasn't compulsory school age. Family members who
lived elsewhere started to get nervous though. At seven he didn't want
to go to school so we finally said "homeschool." Those who saw Dylan
everyday were ok with it because they knew we were busy doing all kinds
of things and most of them were smart enough to realize he'd never be
doing those things if he was stuck at school. This was when I started
getting letters from concerned relatives who did not live near us. They
started sending articles about education.

It was a hassle for awhile but as Dylan got older those who would compare
him with their schooled children found a kid who was smart, interested,
thoughtful and engaged. Dylan himself became the reassurance they
needed. It will be that way with your daughter too.

***If unschooling is a year-round, lifelong process,
how do we decide what grade she is in; by age or by academic
achievement?***

Philosophically grades don't matter, they mean nothing to a life long,
natural learner. I hope you can really think about this. A grade is a
judgement about another persons learning and it has never and can never
help anyone learn anything real. Grades (and tests) are dangerous and
spirt crushing.

But since your state requires testing, and if you intend to comply with
the law, ask other unschoolers how they've done it.

Some places let you pick the test and the test results don't matter.
They don't have any bearing, according to the law, on whether you can
continue to keep her out of school.

Some people join umbrella schools that can help unschoolers with testing
requirements.

I have read different things. Someone once said their child magically
"skipped" those grades where testing was required. So for two years she
was in "second grade" and then she "jumped ahead" to fourth.

If you are opposed to the concept of testing in general you could move to
a state that doesn't require testing.


Deb Lewis


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Message: 13
Date: Mon, 06 Dec 2004 15:27:03 -0000
From: "Ren Allen"
Subject: Newbie with a relatively clean slate


"Now I'm
not saying that I'm neccesarily very good at these things (yet). But
if we agree with this statement, should we not also extent the same
acceptance and freedom to other people, e.g. your wife?"

I disagree. As adults, we CHOSE to have children, they didn't choose
their parents. If we want to provide a very nurturing, interesting
environment, it certainly helps to look at the qualities in your
mate that may hinder the process.
This doesn't mean we aren't accepting where they are, it means there
needs to be some dialogue about how to avoid passing our own damage
and hang ups on to our free children.

If I had simply "accepted" my dh where he was, I wouldn't have the
unschooling supportive partner I have today. I was unwilling to go
along with his ideas, I was NOT willing to just accept where he was
and I let him know. Because I was unwilling to back down about how
we would treat the children (I told him he could continue to do the
damage, but I would NOT be party to it) things changed.

There was a level of acceptance as far as my not being able to
change him, his own changes had to happen in their own time. But I
certainly was not aiding and abetting.

I got the impression that Jeff is completely accepting of where his
wife is, but also aware of the things that could be a problem in an
unschooling household. His wife sounds like someone that was
INCREDIBLY hurt by the school system and could benefit from all the
healing power of unschooling. I have NO doubt she will find many
wounds healed through unschooling her own child, as many of us here
did.
I don't think being aware of unschooling blockages or potential
problems means we don't accept our partners for who they are. It
does mean you need to find ways to help that partner avoid passing
the wound on to their child.

Ren





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Message: 14
Date: Mon, 6 Dec 2004 07:33:12 -0800
From: "Krisula Moyer"
Subject: Newbie with a relatively clean slate.

Dear Jeff,
I only have a second but couldn't resist commenting that I think you two are
off to a great start. It seems like you both have the same goals for your
family and your Type A personality can get the ball rolling with reading,
research and asking questions but you'll probably find that your wife's more
laid back nature will prove out that as Bree grows and learns and *is* most
things really will "take care of themselves" as you said. My bit of advise
is to read some unschooling websites and lists like this one. Let that lead
you to books that strike your fancy and also try to get to know some local
families who are doing it. There's nothing like relationships with other
unschoolers. Our play group has families who's children are not "school
age" and we don't think that's strange at all. Also attachment parenting
resources may be helpful to you at this stage in your lives.

You have years before you have to be concerned about your state's laws -
really. And by that time they very may well have changed. If it makes you
feel better you can look up what you need to know on www.nhen.org but I
truly wouldn't waste time on it now. Bree's babyhood will be over in the
blink of an eye and I urge you not to waste a minute away from her on the
legalities of unschooling.

Avoid declaring your unschooling status to people who might object (MIL, DS
etc.) after all, By the time they start asking about little Bree's schooling
years will have passed. Why have those arguments early?

FWIW My family took a detour from our AP, unscooly beginnings to send two of
our children to a first rate Montessori school and we regret doing that a
lot. It was way better in some respects than traditional school but still
not even close to as good as we have it now with all af them unschooled. It
was a detour I avoided with my third child.

Have fun, relax, enjoy the baby, read Holt cause you'll find him interesting
(not as a how-to but just cuz *you* will enjoy it.) Love hug kiss live but
don't try to "teach fundamentals" Bree will stun you with her ability to
learn what she needs to know - always. OK I was supposed to be quick.
LOL

Krisula



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Message: 15
Date: Mon, 06 Dec 2004 15:56:34 -0000
From: "Robin Clevenger"
Subject: Re: Newbie with a relatively clean slate.


--- In [email protected], "jeff_legrange"
wrote:
>
>
> Hi all. My name is Jeff. I am 37 years old, married 3 years to my
> wife Jane, who is 27 years old. We have a 2-week-old daughter
named
> Bree. We are strongly considering home schooling/unschooling for
> many, widely varied, reasons.

Congrats, having a new baby is so exciting. It's nice to find
unschooling at such an early time because you have plenty of time to
just relax into it, read about it, etc.. The nicest thing about
unschooling for us was that the excitement of watching all of our
babies' earliest moments of learning - when they said their first
words and took their first steps - just continued and continued. As I
type this, I'm listening to my 8 y.o. son pick out a Christmas carol
on the piano, something he's never been taught. The learning and
excitement just continue unabated if you let them. The best thing
about unschooling is that it's fun.

> Several questions to you experienced unschoolers out there. First,
> where does one start?

Here is a great place. Just reading about unschooling, both books by
folks like John Holt or experiences of real life unschoolers is a
great way to immerse yourself and begin to let go of the schoolish
notions in your head.

How do we "teach" the basic fundamentals? By
> that I mean, beyond-bedtime-story reading, spelling, writing, and
> basic arithmetic.

They will teach themselves this stuff when they're ready. A child in
a home where books are joyfully read will want to read, just as a
baby in a house where people speak will want to speak. A child in a
home where arithmetic is used, whether it be for cooking or
calculating the total on a shopping list or the angle for a new
cabinet, will want to know how it all works. They'll pick it up in
drips and drabs and before you know it, they can do it. You'll see as
your daughter learns and grows that there's very rarely a moment when
something is learned or not learned. It's all a continuum. A baby
babbles and learns to make noises with their mouth - are they
talking? Then they repeat a sound that they know makes a
word "mamamamamama" - is this talking? One day they point to
something and say a real word (my daughter's was "duck!" after which
she called all birds ducks :-) - but is this talking? They add more
and more and more words to their vocabulary and one day they string 2
words together "me milk!". Eventually they talk in complete sentences
but with limited vocabulary, and at some point you realize that their
vocabulary is the equivalent of an adults. At what point on this
continuum are they actually "talking"? Every step along the way is a
part of the learning, and all of it is exciting to watch and be a
part of and encourage. Right now, my daughter is sounding out every
word she sees, from cereal boxes to book covers. She's in that
process with reading and it's exciting to watch too. Some day, before
I know it, she'll be picking up books and reading them, and I won't
exactly be able to put my finger on the moment that she "learned to
read".

>My state requires a yearly written assessment of
> Reading, Language Arts, Math, Science, and Social Studies, and
> standardized testing every three years starting at the end of third
> grade. How does the unschooling model conform to these
> requirements?

For us, it hasn't been a problem so far. Our son will do his 3rd
grade assessment next year and we're not worried about it. Though we
haven't sat down and done any kind of lessons, he can read, write,
and do 'rithmatic, he's just picked it up along the way. I can't
speak to the yearly assessment as our state doesn't have that.

> What do we say to Jane's parents when they pitch the
> inevitable fit?

Well, I wouldn't say anything for at least a few years. There's just
not much point if you know someone is going to be antagonistic about
it. At 5 or 6 years, or even 7 (which is the compulsory attendance
age in our state), you can just say that you're homeschooling. By
then, I'm betting there will be even millions more homeschoolers than
there are now, and already it's not such an unusual thing. My mom (a
former educator) was fairly opposed at the first, but I always like
to say "the proof is in the pudding". Very few people, when they meet
our interesting, engaging, and exuberant kids, could have any
objections to the way we're choose to unschool them. My parents
definitely don't have any objections any more.

> If unschooling is a year-round, lifelong process,
> how do we decide what grade she is in; by age or by academic
> achievement?

You can choose to decide however it will benefit her the best. In our
case, we chose the latest grade that we could, because it would delay
the year that our kids will be tested. Our son is on the cusp between
two school years, and we chose the earlier one (so right now, he's
officially in "2nd grade"). For a local homeschool resource center,
we might choose 3rd grade if he wants to get into a particular class
(he's very into robotics right now, for instance, and the robotics
classes they offer are for older kids).

> Our goal is a healthy, happy, well-adjusted daughter, unlimited in
> her future prospects - while keeping Mom and Dad out of jail for
> failing to follow the rules. Any advice, resources, etc. that you
> folks can recommend would be gratefully received.

Well, I wouldn't worry too much about jail. I know at least that in
our state if you're out of compliance with the homeschool rules, they
send you a letter and you just have to get *in* compliance. I think
the worst thing that could happen would be that they would mandate
your child has to go to school.

You've got many years before you have to worry about any of the legal
aspects - probably at least 6 or 7. Right now, I'd just concentrate
on living in the moment, enjoying your daughter, and watching her
live and learn. Actually, that's great advice for the next couple of
decades!

Blue Skies,
-Robin-





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Message: 16
Date: Mon, 6 Dec 2004 09:16:43 -0700
From: Deb Lewis

Subject: Re: Re: Newbie with a relatively clean slate

***Grades and achievement don't really matter much to me.***

***All I worry about in this regard is her future vis-a-vis the rest of
society.***

Your daughter will be a better and happier person if she grows up to
believe she is just as she should be. Comparisons hurt. People learn
what they need to learn to live and be happy. What you need might not be
what I need. What your daughter needs might not be what little Sally Sue
needs.


***After all, homeschoolers/unschoolers do not
live in a vaccuum. Do we just "pick" a "grade" she is in based on
her age? ***

Grades are a vacuum. They suck at you until you feel either superior to
others or desperately inadequate. They suck at parents until they change
the way a parent sees a child, either as full of potential (which is
unfair and creates pressure) or as lacking, in need of repair. Please
don't do this to your daughter.

She has the chance to grow up never being judged as "ahead" or "behind".
She can be a person living her life without the emotional stress of
arbitrary assessments from others.

And since unschoolers don't live in a vacuum she will have a much more
fun filled and interesting life than the tested and graded 8:00 AM to
3:00 PM schooled kids who have two hours of homework every night. How do
you grade another person's life? What right do you have to even want
to?

***My wife, OTOH, is a people pleaser and has real difficulty in
defending herself and her
choices. ***

It can be hard. When people make judgements about the most important
things in our lives, it hurts. If her family gives her a D minus in
parenting how will you comfort her?

Deb Lewis


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Message: 17
Date: Mon, 6 Dec 2004 09:56:28 -0700
From: Deb Lewis

Subject: Re: How do you do it?

***Most importantly, to me, is my unschooled son. Should I be worried
about
this? What have you done in this type of uncontrolable and
temporary situation?***

I'm sorry about your dad.

My dad died of bone cancer four years ago when my son Dylan was eight.
We took care of him at home. It's such an emotionally exhausting time.

Take comfort that your son loves video games and enjoys his time playing.
It is so wonderful that he has something to do when you can't be right
there with him.

Talk to him. Make sure he knows things will be different - you *will*
have more time one day. As you said this is a temporary situation.
Maybe even make plans for a special trip. Let both of you have something
positive to focus on.

When you have a few free hours do something different. Take him out to
lunch. Go to the park and throw a Frisbee around. Wander around the
book store, test drive Jeeps, go to the shooting range.

Your life and your son's life will move forward from this point, even
though it doesn't feel that way now. Things will be ok. But make every
effort to make the time you do spend with your son as positive as it can
be. Even if you're just sitting beside him while he plays a game.

***Getting the teens to help is work in itself. ***

Help like, around the house? Could you hire a neighborhood teen or
someone to come in and help out? I know it would be an expense but now
when you're so stressed and worn out it would be a much more peaceful and
effective solution than trying to get people to help who don't really
want to. You really don't need the added stress of a domestic power
struggle. Do what you can to avoid that. Is there a homeschooler you
know who would tidy up for you in exchange for something?

Ask more from your partner. These are special circumstances and he *can*
give a little more, temporarily. Wouldn't you be willing to do the same
for him? Let him know what you need. My own husband felt really lost
when we were taking care of my dad. He really didn't know what would
help me the most. It helped him (and me!) a lot when I just told him
what I wanted him to do.

And remember some of household stuff probably isn't as important to your
family members as it is to you. Talk to them about it, I'll bet they
really don't care if dishes sit a few days. Let them sit if you can't
get to them. Maybe even switch to paper plates and plastic disposable
bowls and plastic utensils. Do whatever it takes to make your load
lighter.

I'll keep thinking. Write me off list if you want. I'm so sorry for
what you're going through, but it will change.

Deb Lewis


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With best wishes and Regards,

Brendalee

-Example is not the main thing in influencing others. It is the only
thing." --Albert Schweitzer, 1875-1965, German Born Medical Missionary,
Theologian, Musician, and Philosopher

-Plant the seed of desire in your mind and it forms a nucleus with
power
to attract to itself everything needed for its fulfillment.- -Robert
Collier, American Writer, Publisher










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soggyboysmom

--- In [email protected], Brendalee McGovern
<Brendalee80@y...> wrote:
> To all my un-schooling conterparts nationwide
>
> I have come across an issue that I need some useful suggestive
help with > it's the city in which we live - Woonsocket RI
> While my son has only been away from the public school system for
a short time (May of 2004) > We are now required to administer
assessment tests and I am to give the school a copy of what we cover
on a weekly basis> how do you all get around such a thing?
>
I'd suggest you check with other homeschoolers in Rhode Island and
check the laws. I know that Rhode Island superintendents have a lot
of latitude BUT there is a limit they cannot cross in what they
require - and weekly summaries of what you are covering, I believe,
crosses that line.

[email protected]

> > I have come across an issue that I need some useful suggestive
> help with > it's the city in which we live - Woonsocket RI
> > While my son has only been away from the public school system for
> a short time (May of 2004) > We are now required to administer
> assessment tests and I am to give the school a copy of what we cover
> on a weekly basis> how do you all get around such a thing?
> >

Are there any cover or umbrella schools in your area? I have found the joy of using these cover schools to deal with the "requirements" allowing me the freedom to allow my children to grow and learn at their own pace.

Michelle