Tawnya Ferdolage

Hi Everyone,

My name is Tawnya and I live in Ventura, CA. My husband, James, and I
have three boys who are 8, 4 and almost 2. I joined this list to see
what "real unschoolers" do. I am finding out more and more that
unschooling is a lifestyle rather than a type of education. I
*think* I am an unschooler at heart who doesn't know how to get
there....but then I read some stuff here and think it may be way
outside of my box...but then I began to question my box...and when I
question my box, I begin to doubt that what I am currently doing
is "working"...and that always leads me back to my inclination to
take the plunge and unschool. It's like someone gave this mouse a
cookie! Anyway, only my 8 year old has been *officially* exposed
to "academics" as we have enrolled in a ISP charter school a couple
of times (one of them currently) and I have had him do "schoolwork"
to suffice their requirements. I seem to be in a cycle that's just
not working for any of us. I am also starting to see how making the
choice to use a charter school and jump through their hoops, because
they will cover the expense of some of the things he is really
interested in, is changing the choices we make for our family! We
have always wanted a big family, but now I question whether or not I
should plan another baby when I already have a hard time keeping up
with "school"..ugh! I am not sure if this was a question or a vent,
but thanks for discussing and allowing me to read and learn.

Deb

Hi Tawnya

Yup, once you question whether typical 'schooling' is necessary, then
you start question all the other conventional 'wisdom' - all
the "have to" stuff laying around in your head, both for you and for
your kids. Kids "have to" x and Moms "have to" y and so on. Dishes,
vaccines, bedtimes, bathing, media, on and on it goes. Chipping away
little by little at the pre-conceived notions and arriving at those
things that you really truly think are important for your own self -
which may not carry over into things that are important for your
kids. A useful question is Why? "I'm doing or asking for or expecting
B. Why?" Or, "My child wants to Q. Why not?" There may be real
reasons why or why not - we don't have the money for that right now,
it's 24 degrees outside so going outside in a swimsuit only could be
a problem, etc. But it doesn't stop there. It leads to "how" - how
can this need/want be met, what is the root of it, what are our
options (if you can't think of at least 2 options for just about
anything, think some more) Okay so it's 24 degrees outside and a
bathing suit just isn't going to cut it. We could wear bathing suits
underneath our jackets and sweat pants. We could wear bathing suits
in the house and have a picnic in the living room like we do at the
beach. We could wear bathing suits in the tub and play. There's 3 and
there are probably more as well.

You might try, for yourself, to define what constitutes "working". In
the conventional sense, what "works" is what makes the kids
conveniently manageable for the adults. The kids obey the adults
without a question; they go to bed when the adults say to, eat when
the adults prepare food, eat what the adults prepare, do the
household tasks the adults assign when they are told to, and so on.
If it's not 'working', there's usually a 'carrot/stick' plan
implemented "do x and you get y, or else you get z" still based on
the adult's point of view and set of priorities. A change of view
might say that what 'works' is that which meets the needs/priorities
of the family as a whole, kids included (and maybe especially since
they start out 'behind' in terms of access to resources). Often, it
is not as convenient for the adults. However, in the big picture, the
long run, the whole enchilada, it seems to me (with my 10 yr old and
seeing/knowing the older teens of others) that a smaller
inconvenience with a 6 yr old ends up with something that
is "working" better when that 6 yr old is 16.

--Deb