sandrewmama

Kelly,

I think I understand what you are saying. While four - six more years at
home doesn't sound like much, a lot can change in that short time,
especially for a teen.

Although I believe my 13 yo is experiencing something sort of like
de-schooling, de-parental controlling I guess, he has never been to school.
We've relaxed homeschooled since the beginning. Over the years we dabbled
in a little bit of commercial math curriculum and last year in a desparate
attempt to broaden his horizons, I started assigning him daily reading and
practice in subjects like math, science, history, a foreign language and
critical thinking. On one hand he seemed to appreciate the direction my
assignments gave him and he dutifully worked through the assignments each
day. He seemed adept at managing his time on a daily and weekly basis. At
that same time he was attending our local Jr. High band class, playing
saxophone in the after-school jazz band and taking private lessons on his
clarinet. The number of performances and competition increased considerably
and this made him uneasy as well as interfering with the regularly scheduled
homeschool friend time that we'd established over the years.

He also was helping a group of friends (homeschoolers in a
home-school-assistance program) prepare for a literary competition in weekly
book discussion meetings. He was and is Treasurer for his homeschool 4-H
group.

In January he got sick and we struggled along starting back up again with
our routine only to have him get worse and have to drop back out. This went
on for several months and over that time he grew more and more resistant to
returning to band at all. He was so anxious that he'd fallen behind his
bandmates and was afraid of messing up and embarrassing himself. Even
though he was one of the best clarinetists in the band, he did not want to
continue. We decided to call it quits for the school year in April.

You asked what he is passionate about. Passion is a strong emotion. I'm
not sure that he feels strongly enough about anything to call it a passion
but I know that he enjoys reading and playing role-playing-game video games
more than just about anything else. At one time, for the first couple of
years, I think he was passionate about playing music. A typical day for him,
if it doesn't involve social outings, consists of reading, playing imaginary
fantasy-like games with his sister, video games, more reading, more video
games, helping a little around the house, reading to his sister, and more
video games.

He seems to be aware that there is a lot of interesting stuff to learn
about. I think he worries about being left behind by his more structured
homeschool mates. His age-mate friends, who have homeschooled their entire
lives are all now either going to school part-time (in talented and gifted
programs) or seriously considering attending high-school beginning next
year. He has no desire whatsoever to go to high school, thankfully, but I
believe that he is secretly comparing himself, a relatively naive, sensitive
and self-sheltered kiddo to his friends who are out there achieving academic
accolades, socially gregarious and quite clued into the complexities of the
world.

I worry that my responses here are too long, but I'm hoping that by painting
a detailed picture, someone will be able to offer their experience or
suggestions and others may be able to gain something that helps in their own
struggle.

Gratefully,

Chris
> Time flies, but each moment can last a long time. <g>
>
> Thirteen is still young. At 13, Cameron was still in his weird deschooling
> vegetative state. It wasn't until he was 14 that things really started to
> happen. Fifteen (and with a car!) was a whirlwind----and now at 16, he's SO
> thoughtful and capable and sure of himself----and we can't keep up with him at
> all.
>
> Most children (and especially schooled children) seem to struggle a bit from
> 12-14. I think the unschooled ones come out more 'whole'.
>
> At 13.5, you have a LOT of time....and no time at all! <G> But I'd
> concentrate more on the 'a lot of time'. <g>
>
> What passions does he have?
>
> ~Kelly