kids asking for things./ reply from Colleen in GA
Colleen in GA
Reference:
I've done a fine job of teaching him what is wrong with him and now I
need a
way to undo as much of that as possible and show him what a beautiful,
bright, talented, compassionate, and interesting fellow he is. Any
ideas?
Chris
Dear Chris and all:
I, not only had our youngest son to contend with.but a DH as well. Both these men are highly creative, intellegent and active BUT super sensitive to their feelings, place blame on everyone but themselves, and PERFECTIONISTS. (both these men are highly
musical!) gentle creatures at best!
I always felt like I was walking on eggshells for fear of saying the wrong things and hurting their feelings. I was raised to be independent, "damn the torpedo attitude " and go for it, quite the opposite from these family members. I could not understand their "meekness". THey saw anger as being "bad", I saw it as a normal human response to an undesierable situation.
I did find a book called "Perfectionism and Gifted Children" by Rosemary Callard-Szulgit and bought it, because
a) I am a reader mom
b) I was getting desperate because I was the "bad guy " all the time! (not whining just stating the facts!)
I gently placed the book on my husband's pillow one night and asked him to just read the "checklist" for perfectionistic traits. At first he refused because of pride(he wasn't doing anything "wrong") it was just how he sees the world.
Anyway he read the short book (not diagnostic language) and confirmed that "maybe" he would ease up on himself (and the rest of us!)
It is a very difficult line to draw between living up to our potential."doing your best", and knowing when to ease up on yourself>
I really think folks with perfectionistic traits NEVER think their efftorts are satisfactory for their own "imaginary" standards that they arbitrarally set. They may have low self esteem and think that the way anyone is going to like them is be people pleasers,while never pleasing themselves. It can be a very frustrating time dealing with this situation.
S ince all of us parents come from different famiily upbriingings, we all have "imprints" on the way our parents interacted with us; we probably tend to raise our kids as we were raisedWITH IMPROVEMENTS!
One thing that I resolved to do is not take it as a personal attack, try to see the situation through their eyes, be affrimative but GENTLY coach them to ease up on themselves and not be so demanding.
I hope this is not a melodrama family -bashingepisode,,,,,Since life on earth is nothing but relationships and those that we live with on a daily basis mean more to us than anything, we always strive towards peaceful relations with those we love the most! Take care Colleen in GA
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I've done a fine job of teaching him what is wrong with him and now I
need a
way to undo as much of that as possible and show him what a beautiful,
bright, talented, compassionate, and interesting fellow he is. Any
ideas?
Chris
Dear Chris and all:
I, not only had our youngest son to contend with.but a DH as well. Both these men are highly creative, intellegent and active BUT super sensitive to their feelings, place blame on everyone but themselves, and PERFECTIONISTS. (both these men are highly
musical!) gentle creatures at best!
I always felt like I was walking on eggshells for fear of saying the wrong things and hurting their feelings. I was raised to be independent, "damn the torpedo attitude " and go for it, quite the opposite from these family members. I could not understand their "meekness". THey saw anger as being "bad", I saw it as a normal human response to an undesierable situation.
I did find a book called "Perfectionism and Gifted Children" by Rosemary Callard-Szulgit and bought it, because
a) I am a reader mom
b) I was getting desperate because I was the "bad guy " all the time! (not whining just stating the facts!)
I gently placed the book on my husband's pillow one night and asked him to just read the "checklist" for perfectionistic traits. At first he refused because of pride(he wasn't doing anything "wrong") it was just how he sees the world.
Anyway he read the short book (not diagnostic language) and confirmed that "maybe" he would ease up on himself (and the rest of us!)
It is a very difficult line to draw between living up to our potential."doing your best", and knowing when to ease up on yourself>
I really think folks with perfectionistic traits NEVER think their efftorts are satisfactory for their own "imaginary" standards that they arbitrarally set. They may have low self esteem and think that the way anyone is going to like them is be people pleasers,while never pleasing themselves. It can be a very frustrating time dealing with this situation.
S ince all of us parents come from different famiily upbriingings, we all have "imprints" on the way our parents interacted with us; we probably tend to raise our kids as we were raisedWITH IMPROVEMENTS!
One thing that I resolved to do is not take it as a personal attack, try to see the situation through their eyes, be affrimative but GENTLY coach them to ease up on themselves and not be so demanding.
I hope this is not a melodrama family -bashingepisode,,,,,Since life on earth is nothing but relationships and those that we live with on a daily basis mean more to us than anything, we always strive towards peaceful relations with those we love the most! Take care Colleen in GA
---------------------------------
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New and Improved Yahoo! Mail - 100MB free storage!
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]