mooredlighthouse

Hello all -
I've been a lurker on this list, but I'm pretty sure mine is a
question which has not been asked. First, a little history -

The 2006-7 school year was our first for unschooling our 1,7 & 9
year-olds. But for the older two, I had the spectre of an unbelieving
and uninformed, controlling ex-husband hanging over our heads. His
insistance that they had to pass a standardized test at the end of the
year haunted and soured our entire experience last year. Both
children passed the CAT with flying colors... except my 9-year-old,
who tested below grade level in math (because this child refused to
have anything to do with it).

For the 2007-8 school year, my husband was able to get a verbal
agreement from the ex to let us try it "one more year." I hate this
meted out permission, and all feelings of still having my life and my
children under the control of someone who understands none of it.
We're planning to branch out into some community activities, namely
scouts and civic theatre.

But here's my question: Are my kids just REALLY weird or am I doing
something wrong? All three of them seem intensely interested in
anything that I am learning. If I'm paying bills or doing geneology
or watching a documentary, that's where they want to be, like 3 little
ducks in a row, my velcro shadows. They don't like playing outside at
all, and it's hard to persuade them to go there. Yet when my husband
or I are out watering the garden or doing the composting or
vermiculture, boom - there they are. More beloved than the outdoors
is the television. If they could get away with it, they would watch
TV all day. It appears to my husband that all they really do is play
and read books and mess up the house. What's frustrating for me is
that I thought they would take off with interests of their own, not
grasp onto MY interests as tightly or tighter than I do. Sometimes I
feel a little suffocated by that, and other times I worry that they
are not "blossoming", "branching out" or "exploring their own
interests" like it seems everyone else's unschool children do.

You have to understand that I don't know what NORMAL is - both for
what is normal for public school life AND for unschooled life. My 5
siblings and I were raised in an EXTREMELY controlling and unhappy
home, attending public schools and doing well academically but not
being allowed to have any friends or fun outside of class. We owned a
family business and it was work, work, work. I won't force my
children to work so maybe that's why the bathroom goes for weeks
without a scrubdown... but my children actually volunteer to do it,
and seem to have a ball (don't worry - we use safe cleaning products -
Vinegar and Young Living's Theives). I am flabbergasted when my
children take the initiative like this. I guess I'm worried, though,
that there seems to be no initiative academically. No devouring of
books about horses, dinosaurs, Ben Franklin, or whatever.

Help!

Katie

Debra Rossing

Right now it sounds like they are trying desperately to *connect* with
you. That is entirely Normal (whatever Normal is exactly lol). What's
wrong with them being interested in paying bills, gardening, or
whatever? Turn your thinking around a bit: if they expressed an interest
independently of vermiculture (That's such a cool word to start with!),
wouldn't you think "Great, let's see how we can get that going"? So, why
is it that you have a problem with them spending time with BOTH
vermiculture AND you? Think of all the families who rarely ever see each
other and the parents who one day wish "Gee I wish my kids and I spent
more time together" You've GOT that - enjoy! Sooner or later they will
branch out BUT for now they need TIME with YOU. Most of "everyone else's
kids" have been FREE a lot longer than yours. Basically, they're
stocking up on Mom-time - it's a 'famine reaction' - they were away from
you for a long time (if they just left school this past year, they were
gone for up to 4 years roughly, correct?) and the spectre of the
'famine' coming back (going back to school) is still hanging there, so
they are "feasting" on you. How about -you- branch out a bit? Go ahead
and free the TV and see what they enjoy watching then follow those
rabbit trails wherever they may lead.

Drop the notion of having to do 'academic looking' stuff, learning
happens internally - you can't see it. They're learning geneology,
vermiculture, bill paying (that counts as math BTW lol), whatever
documentary stuff you're watching, and so on. How many 7 yr olds even
know what vermiculture is? That's COOL! In the process, they're also
probably reading some, calculating some, researching some, thinking a
bunch, touching on history and science, and so on. All those "school
subjects" are there - but they're not divided off into disembodied
things with no connection to real life. They are living life and
learning is part of that. Go enjoy it with your kids.

Deb

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