rn9302000

This happens to me almost every time I take the kids to the
playground. My dd is 7 so she is happy playing with other kids, but my
4 yo still likes to mostly play with mommy.....One day one little girl
wanted me to swing her, lift her on the monkey bars, get her a drink,
all the while her mom is off having a conversation with someone up on
the ball field, with her back to the playground!! Suppose someone not
so honest and friendly came along?? sometimes i think some parents
need to wake up!
It does annoy me when i am swinging my ds and some other kid wants me
to swing him cuz his parent is too busy talking on a cell phone to pay
any attention.
I don't know what the answer is......in the case of the little girl, I
told her to go get her mommy :)
Diane






--- In [email protected], Kendrah Nilsestuen
<carebear-79@...> wrote:
>
> With constantly entertaining other people's kids! I feel like I'm
> just fed up. It doesn't seem to matter where we (dh & I) go we are
> always having to entertain other people's children. We went to the
> park today and I was engaging with Payge. Another girl approached us
> and started to play with us. After a few minutes I have some girl who
> I don't know in competition with MY child for my attention. All the
> while her mother is just sitting at a picnic table doing absolutely
> nothing. It happens all the time. My dh was playing basketball with
> Payge a few weeks ago and another little boy came up and starting
> playing with them. Pretty soon my dh who hasn't seen his kids much
> that week because he worked lots of overtime is entertaining someone
> else's child (while his dad sits on his cell phone and talks) and
> missing out on time he devoted to our daughter. When were out front
> playing with the kids (because it seems were the only parents that
> do) all the neighbor kids try join in, and we become the babysitter
> for all the parents who could give a lick what their kids are doing,
> as long as they aren't bugging them. I find it incredibly
> frustrating. We've started to play in our backyard more (though it is
> small). Sometimes I'm at the park with my two kids by myself
> entertaining a child, when the parent only has that one child to tend
> to! Payge wants me to play with her still when we are out. She just
> turned four, she's still very little. So even if she does play with
> another kid at the park she needs me near as well. I try not to hover
> but to be there if she needs an out and just doesn't want to play
> anymore but can't express those words, even when it is clear that she
> wants to.
>
> Does anyone else have experience with situations such as these? I
> truly hope I'm not offending anybody here, but I highly doubt anyone
> on this list is the type of parent I'm referring to here. Lots of
> times parents at the park are engaged with their children while I
> engage with mine and we all help each other tend to the kiddos, but
> when I'm running around with a 4 y/o old and a 16 month old I don't
> want to be responsible for entertaining everyone else's kids simply
> because the parents don't want to do anything. It is not as if the
> children don't want to play with their parents, you can clearly see
> them trying to connect but when they aren't getting connection from
> their parents they move on to me.
>
> So that is my rant. In the spirit of not just bitching about a
> situation but actively seeking to change it have any of you ever
> politely told a child (or better yet their parent) that you can't
> play with them? That you have YOUR kids to take care of. Okay, maybe
> not as snarky as that but you get my drift. Any advice or ideas? I
> don't want to hurt a child's feelings. I would hope another adult
> would treat my children with consideration. Then again that would be
> easy for them to do since my children aren't clinging to them for
> attention, since they are already receiving it from me.
>
> Phew.
>
> Kendrah
>

marji

At 19:20 8/12/2007, you wrote:
>So that is my rant. In the spirit of not just bitching about a
>situation but actively seeking to change it have any of you ever
>politely told a child (or better yet their parent) that you can't
>play with them? That you have YOUR kids to take care of. Okay, maybe
>not as snarky as that but you get my drift. Any advice or ideas? I
>don't want to hurt a child's feelings. I would hope another adult
>would treat my children with consideration. Then again that would be
>easy for them to do since my children aren't clinging to them for
>attention, since they are already receiving it from me.

I hear how frustrated you are!! Since we can't really change other
folks, I think I would try to shift my perception so this situation
didn't frustrate me quite so much. I love the mother's milk
analogy: It doesn't matter how much you need to produce, you can
always produce enough because it's not like you only manufacture and
store it and then you run out; you produce the amount that is
needed. I believe that love is like that. And, what you are doing
when you're playing with other kids who are being ignored by their
own folks is a very loving thing to do.

Also, if you can find some way to reduce the intensity of frustration
you feel, you may be able to stop attracting these kinds of
situations. I'm reminded of the concept, "What you resist
persists." I could be wrong, but I think if you can find the joy or
the good in these times and stop having such an emotional charge
around it, things may resolve for the better all on their own.

That's just my opinion; I'd certainly be interested to hear others'.

~Marji



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

diana jenner

I just spent 3 long, hot days at our local fair with 3-5 "loaner" kids. I
was emotionally spent every single night and on edge for the most of my
sacred down time... When Super Cool Boyfriend asked me *why* do I do this, I
burst into tears and remembered all of the amazing grownups who showed me
great patience and kindness when I was a kid and how it changed my life. *I*
am so glad to give that opportunity to other kids. The parents will never
appreciate the time and attention I invest in their kids -- those kids sure
do and that makes all the difference to me.
That is not to say I don't have a bit of a temper tantrum when we go through
48 cans of coke in two days because no one else's parents keep it in their
homes. It's tough to see all of our food eaten by kid who don't have free
rein at home... Then I shift my focus to abundance. There *is* plenty for
all.
--
~diana :)
xoxoxoxo
hannahbearski.blogspot.com


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

marji

I can certainly relate to this:

> That is not to say I don't have a bit of a temper tantrum when we go
> through 48 cans of coke in two days because no one else's parents
> keep it in their homes. It's tough to see all of our food eaten by
> kids who don't have free rein at home...

But, I *prefer* to relate to this: ;)

> Then I shift my focus to abundance. There *is* plenty for
> all.

Beautiful!!

Marji

Ren Allen

~~
Does anyone else have experience with situations such as these? I
truly hope I'm not offending anybody here, but I highly doubt anyone
on this list is the type of parent I'm referring to here. ~~

I completely and totally understand the frustration, having run into
it many times. But I'm not as quick to judge a situation now because
my own life experiences have put me as the parent sitting on the
sidelines.

After surgery once, the kids really needed to get out of the house. I
took them up the street to the park to play. I was in NO condition to
play or pick anyone up. I remember feeling really bad when another
parent had to lift Jalen off the monkey bars before I could even walk
to him. In hindsight, we should have just stayed home.

I see a lot of what you're talking about though. It seems like the
kids are SO hungry for attention. They latch onto a kind adult
instantly. I do love kids, but I really want to give my own the time
and focus they deserve. Sometimes it's easy to include other children,
other times it's not going to work.

I don't know that there is any easy answer. Creating playdates with
mindful parents helps! Sounds like you have some of that....

Ren
learninginfreedom.com

Karen Buxcel

Last fall, while we were traveling and staying in a little campground in
Iowa, the boys and I were spending lots of time on the playground. A few
other kids showed up, Saylor took off to play with another boy, and I was
swinging the two littles, when these two *precious* little girls wandered
over and asked me to swing them, too. My heart was overflowing with Joy and
Love at this particular moment, so it was easy to say Yes!

Long story short, we had some great conversations, all the kids took turns
getting underdogs from me, and we laughed a lot! The whole time, I didn't
see any adult around who was looking after these girls. Well, the more we
talked, they started sharing information about how they were there with
their grandparents, and their mom was at home and I kind of got the feeling
that their home wasn't the best place for them to be.

When I needed to take the baby back to the bus for a change, the girls both
told me they loved me and they wished *I* was their mommy. The bigger girl,
probably 9 or so, said she'd go home with me right then and there. And then
I said, "well, I would LOVE to take you home, but your mommy would miss you
so much" She said, very matter of factly, "no, she wouldn't." Uggh. I
wanted to burst into tears on the spot. I'll never forget those two girls,
I *was* that girl way back when. Now, I see it as a way to heal myself, by
sharing the Love and offering kindness to children who seek it. It is about
focusing on the abundance, that I have enough LOVE for any child that comes
into my world, if only for a second.

Thanks for letting me share my special story!
Karen


--
"When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know
peace."
Jimi Hendrix


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Nicole Willoughby

Not sure I have a good solution but I feel torn on both sides of this.....

When we are out Nate requires 99.9 % of my attention ..its a matter of safety in some cases for himself and in other cases for others like when he suddenly decides to bite hard enough to break skin.
During this time my 2 girls dont get the attention they should be getting. So while I am pretty sure no one was talking about me or this type of situation i still feel guilty when my 4 year old merrily starts telling her life story to some other parent at the mcdonalds playground ...or where ever.

Like in the OP though I also feel extemely frustrated when Im trying to at least give my kids that bare minimum of yea i see you up there sweetie and my son is trying to go into meltdown mode and Im trying to keep him calm and I have 4 other kids following me around and talking to me.

Im not saying you always have to be everyones playmate/ entertainment and I definetly think you should set limits esp in your own front yard. But maybe the parent on the phone is having to make arrangements because their husband went out of town, had an accident and is in the hospital, or maybe the mom that seems really not there today has been up for the last 2 days because her autistic son wont sleep and she is in the tubes with said son, or maybe a little boy who usualy seens his parents get mad/stressed over a situation react by automaticly yelling......maybe he needed a differnt example today ...........maybe :)

Nicole


---------------------------------
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Emilie

I thought that what you wrote was really beautiful. I was that child
too. Often I feel like I am too busy with my three little ones, or I
felt too tired when I was pregnant. But thanks for the reminder that
we always have more love to give. For some children a little patience
from a stranger changes their view of what is possible in the world.
It did for me.

Emilie

At 12:05 AM 13/08/2007, you wrote:

>Last fall, while we were traveling and staying in a little campground in
>Iowa, the boys and I were spending lots of time on the playground. A few
>other kids showed up, Saylor took off to play with another boy, and I was
>swinging the two littles, when these two *precious* little girls wandered
>over and asked me to swing them, too. My heart was overflowing with Joy and
>Love at this particular moment, so it was easy to say Yes!
>
>Long story short, we had some great conversations, all the kids took turns
>getting underdogs from me, and we laughed a lot! The whole time, I didn't
>see any adult around who was looking after these girls. Well, the more we
>talked, they started sharing information about how they were there with
>their grandparents, and their mom was at home and I kind of got the feeling
>that their home wasn't the best place for them to be.
>
>When I needed to take the baby back to the bus for a change, the girls both
>told me they loved me and they wished *I* was their mommy. The bigger girl,
>probably 9 or so, said she'd go home with me right then and there. And then
>I said, "well, I would LOVE to take you home, but your mommy would miss you
>so much" She said, very matter of factly, "no, she wouldn't." Uggh. I
>wanted to burst into tears on the spot. I'll never forget those two girls,
>I *was* that girl way back when. Now, I see it as a way to heal myself, by
>sharing the Love and offering kindness to children who seek it. It is about
>focusing on the abundance, that I have enough LOVE for any child that comes
>into my world, if only for a second.
>
>Thanks for letting me share my special story!
>Karen
>
>--
>"When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know
>peace."
>Jimi Hendrix
>
>[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Meredith

--- In [email protected], Kendrah Nilsestuen
<carebear-79@...> wrote:
>
> With constantly entertaining other people's kids! I feel like I'm
> just fed up. It doesn't seem to matter where we (dh & I) go we
are
> always having to entertain other people's children.

It helps to avoid eye contact at playgrounds. I got in the habit of
making eye-contact and smiling at *everyone* while teaching yoga and
working retail, and sort of had to unlearn it. There are times when
my kid(s) are fine with me hanging out with other kids (or adults)
and times when one or the other of them really needs my attention
and support.

For kids coming to your yard... telling them y'all are
having "family time" might be a gentle way of sending them away. Its
not a blanket statement that y'all don't ever want to hang out, just
not right now.

Try to see yourself as *choosing* to play with others or focus on
your own kids, so that you can play wholeheartedly.

---Meredith (Mo 6, Ray 13)

wisdomalways5

--- In [email protected], Kendrah Nilsestuen
<carebear-79@...> wrote:
>
>
> Yes, I have started to set boundaries in my front yard as of late.
I
> think it will probably take time for the neighborhood kids to
adjust.
> The parent on the phone, he was discussing a sports game. But the
mom
> yesterday may of been somewhere else mentally. And yes hopefully
I
> can provide a different example for a child. I feel better
discussing
> it. Seems now that I've let all the bad feelings about it out, I
can
> start letting some good ones in. It helps to keep in perspective
that
> I'm *choosing* to play with these other children. At anytime I
could
> *choose* to tell them I'm not able to anymore. And I'm sure I
could
> do it in a way that wouldn't hurt feelings too much.
>
> Thanks for all the advice. It was very helpful. And thanks if you
> read this far!
>
> Kendrah:)
>
>


I hear you in all this and I see the same thing time and time again.
I think you should find a way to do both- there is just us time and
us and others time. How does you child view these times with other
kids. I would find a place to play that is more isolated and play
there. Your yard is your space so maybe saying 'hey we are having
family time right now but maybe next time or in a half and hour' or
something like that.

You are right the parents are irritating not really the children but
could you say "hey maybe you can go see if your mom will play that
with you"- is there anything you can do to make play time more one
on one- sometimes when the playground is full I wll say "hey you
want to just take a walk?" sometimes she will say yes and then we
say to others we are taking a walk but wil be back.

rn9302000

Yes, I did not mean to sound heartless in my response! karen your
post was oh so sweet!
In the case of the little girl, I knew her mom from town, and also
from gymnastics.........so it was more a case like Kendrah said of
expectation and no appreciation. Not even asking "would you mind
watching out for dd for a few minutes while I walk up to the ball field"
she just left when she saw her dd with my kids. So thats why I sent
the little girl off to get mommy after awhile.
Its tough because its not the kids fault ever that the parent is
preoccupied. And I try so hard to give the benefit of the doubt, but
sometimes its hard when the cell phone conversations can be over heard
at the playground and it's obvious it's not a special circumstance
that is keeping the parent on the phone.
So its the parents... yes that I get annoyed with for sure!
Diane

Christy Mahoney

Just offering another perspective here. When I take my dd to the
park, she is mostly wanting to go there to find other people to play
with. Not because I'm preoccupied or anything - she knows I'll always
push her on the swing if she wants. But if there's someone else there
with or without kids, Brenna WILL want to talk to them, ask if they'll
play, ask their names and engage them. She just really really likes
meeting new people. She can talk to me anytime! :)

OTOH, I have certainly had times where I wondered where parents were.
I used to live in a building where I was always the only parent
outside with my child. And all the other kids would come tell me
things or show me if they got hurt. And I always thought, "Why are
their parents missing all this?"

-Christy M.

Emilie

"Why are
their parents missing all this?"

I have a friend who worked as a very high end florist. She would
often get hired to decorate rich peoples houses for christmas with
greenery etc. In addition, she would always be asked to decorate
their christmas trees with the home owners own ornaments. That way
the tree would look 'just so'. My friend felt this to be such a
soulless pursuit. She didn't mind doing the greenery, but it really
bothered her to decorate someone else's christmas tree for pay. To
her it seemed very decadent, but to me it seemed very sad that they
were missing out on the ritual of decorating their own tree.
I feel that many parents don't enjoy the time they spend with their
kids. This is very sad for the kids. But I think it is sadder for the
parents. I was a kid who was not enjoyed, most of the time, and it
made me feel really bad and had many negative effects on me. But it
also lead me to consciously choose a different life for myself. I
enjoy my children tremendously. Everyday with them is a gift that I
am thankful for (even when I am exhausted :-)). My mother didn't
enjoy the time with her kids and doesn't enjoy her grandchildren. She
sees them only a few times a year even though she lives ten minutes
away. Sometimes I feel bad for my kids that they don't have a doting
grandmother. Sometimes I feel bad for myself that I don't have the
help of family to look after my three kids. But mostly I feel bad for
my mother, because she will never know how to connect with any of us
and will never know that joy. Her experience of parenting was
primarily resentment. I think that in her way she did the best that
she could for her kids. I think most parents do. But many don't see
that any real connection with their kids is even possible. Many more
parents just haven't found the fun in it. For me, it is important to
feel compassion for these parents AND their kids. I can't imagine
anything sadder than not enjoying time spent with your own children.

Emilie

At 02:56 PM 13/08/2007, you wrote:

>Just offering another perspective here. When I take my dd to the
>park, she is mostly wanting to go there to find other people to play
>with. Not because I'm preoccupied or anything - she knows I'll always
>push her on the swing if she wants. But if there's someone else there
>with or without kids, Brenna WILL want to talk to them, ask if they'll
>play, ask their names and engage them. She just really really likes
>meeting new people. She can talk to me anytime! :)
>
>OTOH, I have certainly had times where I wondered where parents were.
>I used to live in a building where I was always the only parent
>outside with my child. And all the other kids would come tell me
>things or show me if they got hurt. And I always thought, "Why are
>their parents missing all this?"
>
>-Christy M.
>
>



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Susan

> Just offering another perspective here. When I take my dd to the
> park, she is mostly wanting to go there to find other people to play
> with. Not because I'm preoccupied or anything - she knows I'll always
> push her on the swing if she wants. But if there's someone else there
> with or without kids, Brenna WILL want to talk to them, ask if they'll
> play, ask their names and engage them. She just really really likes
> meeting new people. She can talk to me anytime! :)


My kids are this way, too. Going to the playground or the park is
about meeting and playing with people other than *mom* lol. They'll
happily run up to other kids, adults, families, etc. - anyone they
find interesting that catches their eye. I've always thought of these
places as shared space where people can go for "community time". It's
where my kids go when they want to interact with unfamiliar people.

I don't know, maybe I'm wrong in that thinking... because I've never
thought that when my daughter sits down in the grass beside a mom and
her toddler that she's interrupting something. She's curious, she
loves babies, she sees an opportunity to meet new people. Of course I
*will* help her find something else to do and gently lead her away
from mom & toddler if she seems to be monopolizing their time. And I
will remind my son that the family quietly playing a game of cards
under the shade tree would probably prefer to be left alone.

I try to help them navigate the social world at these places - I can
read body language and facial clues better than they can, so I might
need to step in and guide one of them to another activity when I see
the signs that they've overstayed their welcome or are getting in the
way of something the person is trying to do. And I know many people
won't just tell a child that they want to be left alone (although I
think that's totally okay!). So I try to be present, but I don't want
to stand in the way of their need for independent interactions and
experiences.

A few weeks ago at the playground when ds hit it off with a little boy
his age. His grandmother was hovering over this poor kid every second
and giving out a continuous string of commands - "be careful!" and
"don't climb that" and "you shouldn't use those steps". I wanted to
say, "He's at a *playground* for goodness sakes, let him be a kid!!"
She looked aggravated that my son was hanging out with her grandkid.
Afterwards I realized she probably felt like I was being a neglectful
parent by not rushing over to make sure my son didn't climb that or go
down those steps, etc. Maybe she even felt like *she* needed to watch
him because I wasn't there. I did walk over a few times just to "check
in" but I knew he was okay and did not need or want me hovering over
him.

I guess that's different though than parents who totally disappear and
just assume that strangers will take over the care of their kids. It's
a habit for us, each time we go to the playground/park/pool to match
kids up with parents. There is always at least one kid there alone, no
adult in sight. Sometimes it's several siblings, who have no doubt
been left in charge of each other. Dh and I often wonder where the
parents are and how they can comfortably leave their (young) kids at
these places. What if one of them got hurt? What if they wondered off
and got lost? Last year at the pool a 4 year old fell in the deep end
right - the lifeguards got her, but the mom was nowhere around. Five
minutes later they found her mom out in the parking lot, talking to a
friend.

~ Susan

Ren Allen

~~I can't imagine
anything sadder than not enjoying time spent with your own children.~~

Absolutely! One of the greatest journeys that life can offer, and so
many don't even realize what a gift it is to be a parent. It makes me
so sad.

Ren
learninginfreedom.com

Christy Mahoney

For some reason, I have been thinking about this more today after I
posted about how my daughter loves to meet new people. I guess
because it's something I've wondered about for some time. Just as
you said, Susan, most people won't tell a child that they want to be
alone. I am curious about this really. And the OP feels like she
has to entertain or babysit other kids. Why are people not
comfortable saying no to other people's children?

I have pushed many children on the swing, but I have also told some
kids that, no, I don't want to push them because my dd wants to go
really high right now or my dd needs me somewhere else. Or if
another child interrupts a conversation, I might tell them that I am
trying to listen to my child.

There have been many times when my daughter has started talking to
an adult, and they look at me like they need to be saved! :) I'm
just not sure what this is about. I may apologize for my child if
she actually interrupts or does something that hurts another child.
But do I need to apologize for her just talking to someone? I can
understand if they don't want to hear about which Pokemon is best
against an electric type :), but they could just say, "No thanks,
I'm not interested in Pokemon." Why do people not do this?

It's especially interesting to see a mom saying no over and over to
her own child and then look helpless when another child talks to
her.

-Christy M.




> I don't know, maybe I'm wrong in that thinking... because I've
never
> thought that when my daughter sits down in the grass beside a mom
and
> her toddler that she's interrupting something. She's curious, she
> loves babies, she sees an opportunity to meet new people. Of
course I
> *will* help her find something else to do and gently lead her away
> from mom & toddler if she seems to be monopolizing their time. And
I
> will remind my son that the family quietly playing a game of cards
> under the shade tree would probably prefer to be left alone.
>
> I try to help them navigate the social world at these places - I
can
> read body language and facial clues better than they can, so I
might
> need to step in and guide one of them to another activity when I
see
> the signs that they've overstayed their welcome or are getting in
the
> way of something the person is trying to do. And I know many people
> won't just tell a child that they want to be left alone (although I
> think that's totally okay!). So I try to be present, but I don't
want
> to stand in the way of their need for independent interactions and
> experiences.

Christy Mahoney

Kendrah, my posts were not solely in response to yours. Thoughts
have a way of going on tangents. I did not think that the specific
children you were describing were necessarily like mine in wanting
to meet new people etc. But I was wondering about the feeling of
responsibility or "have to" that you felt.

I do agree that sometimes I will redirect my daughter if she is
trying to engage someone and they are clearly not interested. It
really depends on the situation. If they are really ignoring her or
I think they might be rude to her, then I will probably intervene.
But I was talking about how a lot of parents look at me like it is
my job to stop my dd talking to them. I'm not sure I agree with
this assumption, and I'm also not sure that it is my duty to avoid
hurting another child's feelings by being honest if I don't want to
play with them right now or listen to them when I would rather be
with my own child. I don't think other parents should expect me to
be like a parent to their child when I don't even know them. It
sounded like this is what was annoying to you, so if you don't think
other parents should expect this, then why would you expect it of
yourself or feel like you have to entertain the kids?

Sure, most kids know when they are being rejected. I am just
wondering if others here feel like this is always a bad thing.
Should we protect our children from other people not being
interested in them?

-Christy M.


> Because every child is different. While one child may shrug off
> someone who isn't interested in Pokemon, another child could be
very
> hurt that someone doesn't care about what they have to say. As a
> stranger to the child I'm not always likely to know which reaction
I
> will get if I turn a child away. Their parent will. My daughter
> enjoys talking to other people at the park as well. I never said
> their was anything wrong with that. (However, if my daughter was
> trying to connect with me and I was blowing her off, and then she
> moved on to someone else because I couldn't find the time for
her,
> well I think that is a different story altogether.)
> If my dd is talking to someone else and I can see their eyes
starting
> to glaze over because they don't find her imaginary cats as
> interesting as she does, I will come over and engage her in
something
> else. This way she has talked to someone else and felt listened
to
> but I have engaged her before they have zoned out and started to
> ignore her, or tell her they don't care about what she has to say.
No
> matter how nice you say it, kids know when they have been
rejected.
> Even if the stranger was interested in the beginning of the
> conversation, what Payge would remember is that they didn't care
to
> hear anymore. I know this from experience. My dd is only four, at
> some point I won't always be there to shield her from that
rejection
> but I like to create an atmosphere in her life right now that
makes
> her feel everyone values what she has to say. By looking for cues
> from another parent that they are done with the conversation, I
can
> do just that.
>
> Kendrah:)
>
>
>
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>

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-----Original Message-----
From: kendrahn79 <carebear-79@...>


No, not forever. Since dd is only four, I will continue to try my best
to. Not
in a hovering
way, but if I notice an adult would like to be freed from the
conversation I
will help with
that so it doesn't have to come to someone telling her they would
rather not
hear about
what she has to say at this time. She'll have her whole life to
experience that
sometimes
people aren't going to be interested in what she has to say. And the
hurt that
could
potentially bring.
-=-==-=-

Duncan can ....um..."wind up"... sometimes when he gets going. A real
"walkie-talkie!"

It can be embarrassing (for the talker and the listener) to
hear---right in the midst of a story, while the listener's eyes glaze
over---"Duncan, back off---that person's not interested."

So we worked out a code. When one of us says "Beepbeep" it means to
stop---the listener is shutting down. We got it from Stephen King's IT:
the kids tell one of the characters to "beepbeep" when he gets going
too much. Duncan tends to get really excited when talking about YuGiOh!
or a new video game or Bionicle characters---and most folks over the
age of 60 can only make out one or two common words! The rest is
practically Greek...or Japanese...or Geek! <G>

Dunc's also told me "Beepbeep" on more than one occasion! <G> A
"back-off" code word that can even be whispered, mouthed, or shouted
from across the room. It's never meant in a mean way---just a small
reminder that his passion may not be shared by his listener and that
it's maybe time for a graceful exit.

*Duncan* doesn't want to be thought of as obnoxious and rambling. And
we assume his listener wouldn't want to be thought of as ignoring and
rude. So far, it's worked well.



~Kelly

Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://www.LiveandLearnConference.org
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[email protected]

-----Original Message-----
From: Emilie <erugard@...>


To her it seemed very decadent, but to me it seemed very sad that they
were missing out on the ritual of decorating their own tree.
I feel that many parents don't enjoy the time they spend with their
kids. This is very sad for the kids. But I think it is sadder for the
parents.

-=-=-=-=-

My husband, Ben, had never decorated a Christmas tree or dyed Easter
eggs or carved a jack o-lantern before he met me. His mother would do
all that while the kids were in school: they'd come home, and the house
would be decorated for Christmas---tree and all. Pumpkins would be
carved and on the porch.

My family has always bee a bit obsessive with holiday decorating! We
have special meals for each event and everything! <G>

Ben LOVES that we have so many holiday traditions---and we keep adding
more! <G> He felt so deprived! He really gets into all the build-up and
famly time!

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

But it also lead me to consciously choose a different life for myself.

--=-=-

Ben too---he truly looks forward to it all and makes a big deal about
all the little family jokes and traditions to follow.




~Kelly

Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://www.LiveandLearnConference.org


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