Wild Days
melissazietlow
What wild days we are having here!
Baby Ethan is 3 weeks old today, and quite a challenge for me. He is
sweet and beautiful, but very vocal about his needs, that is for
sure! And what he needs is mama's bosom! If his eyes are open, he
wants to nurse and has a difficult time waiting if that becomes
necessary. Totally opposite from his two sisters, who were mostly
content. My girls are still handling the lifestyle changes well, but
I am feeling displaced and guilty about all the time I am no longer
able to give them. They have been running wild outside in the fence,
and running wild in the house while I nurse the baby. They are
feeding themselves and doing things I didn't know they could (the 3yo
is awkwardly wiping herself in the bathroom without telling me).
Some days no one gets their hair brushed... They seem happy and
accepting, and are continuing to learn daily, if I am open to seeing
it happen (dd 5yo learned to ride a two-wheel bike this week).
I am wondering how others have handled life with a high-need newborn
and older siblings? I did get a sling, but am having a hard time
using it -- I cannot find a position that seems comfy for the baby.
He protests whenever we try it, so I have been stuck in a chair most
of the time...if I am not carrying him while he is attached!
Something specific that is really bothering me is that since the last
weeks of my pregnancy, the girls have been watching unlimited
tv/videos. I have been moving toward this slowly, and completely
relaxed when I had to spend more and more time on the couch.
Granted, we only get PBS and the videos are chosen ones from the
library, but when we have days where all the girls do is lounge in
front of the tv, I am feeling like they could be spending their time
on better things like reading. And that perhaps they would be doing
more if I was better able to facilitate it. I have offered to read
them books during the day when there have been a few precious
moments, but they have been caught up in something else and it gets
forgotten, or the baby needs me before they are ready.
I feel I have been ready to embrace unschooling as a lifestyle, but
now that it has really started to happen, as a natural result of
bringing the baby home, I am feeling anxious. I think, I was
prepared but still expecting to be needed and to at least be able to
have time to read with them, as I decided that was the one thing we
would "do" every day.
I know that it will be better in time, but how can I see today better?
Melissa Z.
Baby Ethan is 3 weeks old today, and quite a challenge for me. He is
sweet and beautiful, but very vocal about his needs, that is for
sure! And what he needs is mama's bosom! If his eyes are open, he
wants to nurse and has a difficult time waiting if that becomes
necessary. Totally opposite from his two sisters, who were mostly
content. My girls are still handling the lifestyle changes well, but
I am feeling displaced and guilty about all the time I am no longer
able to give them. They have been running wild outside in the fence,
and running wild in the house while I nurse the baby. They are
feeding themselves and doing things I didn't know they could (the 3yo
is awkwardly wiping herself in the bathroom without telling me).
Some days no one gets their hair brushed... They seem happy and
accepting, and are continuing to learn daily, if I am open to seeing
it happen (dd 5yo learned to ride a two-wheel bike this week).
I am wondering how others have handled life with a high-need newborn
and older siblings? I did get a sling, but am having a hard time
using it -- I cannot find a position that seems comfy for the baby.
He protests whenever we try it, so I have been stuck in a chair most
of the time...if I am not carrying him while he is attached!
Something specific that is really bothering me is that since the last
weeks of my pregnancy, the girls have been watching unlimited
tv/videos. I have been moving toward this slowly, and completely
relaxed when I had to spend more and more time on the couch.
Granted, we only get PBS and the videos are chosen ones from the
library, but when we have days where all the girls do is lounge in
front of the tv, I am feeling like they could be spending their time
on better things like reading. And that perhaps they would be doing
more if I was better able to facilitate it. I have offered to read
them books during the day when there have been a few precious
moments, but they have been caught up in something else and it gets
forgotten, or the baby needs me before they are ready.
I feel I have been ready to embrace unschooling as a lifestyle, but
now that it has really started to happen, as a natural result of
bringing the baby home, I am feeling anxious. I think, I was
prepared but still expecting to be needed and to at least be able to
have time to read with them, as I decided that was the one thing we
would "do" every day.
I know that it will be better in time, but how can I see today better?
Melissa Z.
pam sorooshian
On Jul 19, 2004, at 8:01 PM, melissazietlow wrote:
I picture little girls melding into wild horses, their hair/mane
flying.
-pam
National Home Education Network
<www.NHEN.org>
Serving the entire homeschooling community since 1999
through information, networking and public relations.
> They have been running wild outside in the fence,I love that. Running wild!!! So much freedom and gusto in those words!
> and running wild in the house while I nurse the baby.
I picture little girls melding into wild horses, their hair/mane
flying.
-pam
National Home Education Network
<www.NHEN.org>
Serving the entire homeschooling community since 1999
through information, networking and public relations.
[email protected]
In a message dated 7/19/2004 11:07:20 PM Eastern Standard Time,
Zietlowfamily@... writes:
<<I am wondering how others have handled life with a high-need newborn
and older siblings? I did get a sling, but am having a hard time
using it -- I cannot find a position that seems comfy for the baby.
He protests whenever we try it, so I have been stuck in a chair most
of the time...if I am not carrying him while he is attached!>>
Melissa,
I hear ya! My last three babies have nursed the same. Right now Cameron is
almost 3 months old and is just getting to the point where he can sit/lay/swing
so I can actually take a shower or go potty. My other kids ages 2 , 4 and 12
have adjusted well. Nicholas actually started using the potty on his own it was
a memorable moment when he began. I was in another room (glued to the couch)
when I heard the "dunt da na na"music from the potty chair. He was grinning
ear to ear excited over the sound of his pee when I walked in. He was ready so
he did it.
Ive been pasted to our couch the past three months which does feel like
forever when your in it but it gets better I promise.
I think I have seen every blues clues, teletubies, Dora, and Caliou (sp)show
now.
BUT, Cassidy has picked up on some spanish, has spelt some new words and we
have engaged in some great conversations. Nicholas has adjusted very well.
Dustin has been biking, surfing (we have made a couple beach trips) and playing
with friends. He will hang out a bit in the am and then he's off.
With the time that we have had to sit Cassidy writes all of our names
including Nicholas and Cameron and has much better print than I. She probably draws
or writes 50% of the day she just loves it. I think it began when I had
Nicholas. He nursed like Cam does.
I have a sling also. Cameron loves it esp if I am moving about. If I sit he
isn't as comfortable. I do hope you can find a comfort zone for the sling my
kids and I just love them!
Your girls are at great ages. I wouldn't worry at all about the tv/movie
situation. I personally dont limit any tv and they are always on (I need noise)
but often they are not even watching it (unless I change the channel then
everyone notices). The first few months is only temporary and can be a great time
for you all to color, play games, do hair, watch movies, SLEEP and have fun. I
say sleep bc my first two months with my newborn Nicholas went down for a nap
and Cassidy and I slept on the couch and I nursed and slept for a couple hours.
I needed it.
It is sometimes hard to see that they are doing something but I think you
have seen a bit of it with the potty and the bike.
Laura~Maine
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Zietlowfamily@... writes:
<<I am wondering how others have handled life with a high-need newborn
and older siblings? I did get a sling, but am having a hard time
using it -- I cannot find a position that seems comfy for the baby.
He protests whenever we try it, so I have been stuck in a chair most
of the time...if I am not carrying him while he is attached!>>
Melissa,
I hear ya! My last three babies have nursed the same. Right now Cameron is
almost 3 months old and is just getting to the point where he can sit/lay/swing
so I can actually take a shower or go potty. My other kids ages 2 , 4 and 12
have adjusted well. Nicholas actually started using the potty on his own it was
a memorable moment when he began. I was in another room (glued to the couch)
when I heard the "dunt da na na"music from the potty chair. He was grinning
ear to ear excited over the sound of his pee when I walked in. He was ready so
he did it.
Ive been pasted to our couch the past three months which does feel like
forever when your in it but it gets better I promise.
I think I have seen every blues clues, teletubies, Dora, and Caliou (sp)show
now.
BUT, Cassidy has picked up on some spanish, has spelt some new words and we
have engaged in some great conversations. Nicholas has adjusted very well.
Dustin has been biking, surfing (we have made a couple beach trips) and playing
with friends. He will hang out a bit in the am and then he's off.
With the time that we have had to sit Cassidy writes all of our names
including Nicholas and Cameron and has much better print than I. She probably draws
or writes 50% of the day she just loves it. I think it began when I had
Nicholas. He nursed like Cam does.
I have a sling also. Cameron loves it esp if I am moving about. If I sit he
isn't as comfortable. I do hope you can find a comfort zone for the sling my
kids and I just love them!
Your girls are at great ages. I wouldn't worry at all about the tv/movie
situation. I personally dont limit any tv and they are always on (I need noise)
but often they are not even watching it (unless I change the channel then
everyone notices). The first few months is only temporary and can be a great time
for you all to color, play games, do hair, watch movies, SLEEP and have fun. I
say sleep bc my first two months with my newborn Nicholas went down for a nap
and Cassidy and I slept on the couch and I nursed and slept for a couple hours.
I needed it.
It is sometimes hard to see that they are doing something but I think you
have seen a bit of it with the potty and the bike.
Laura~Maine
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Syndi
--- In [email protected], "melissazietlow"
<Zietlowfamily@w...> wrote:
have a need to suck more then others. But I totally understand if
that is not something you want for the baby. I never did for my 1st
two, my last one I did (yes I nursed) and he really seemed to need it.
Or I should say we both did. He continued nursing well into his
twos, he was done with his binky well before that age. If I had
known about a sling I may not have taken that route, as he sure liked
to be held alot. Oh I miss holding my babies!!!!!!!
I like Pams vision of your girls! Totally free! Just the way it
should be.
I think your girls are trying to help you in their own little way
too, by taking care of themselves and even watching movies. How
wonderful that they are so independent!!!!
<Zietlowfamily@w...> wrote:
> What wild days we are having here!I take it you would rather not resort to a pacifier? Some babies
>
>Oh Melissa, Hang in there!
have a need to suck more then others. But I totally understand if
that is not something you want for the baby. I never did for my 1st
two, my last one I did (yes I nursed) and he really seemed to need it.
Or I should say we both did. He continued nursing well into his
twos, he was done with his binky well before that age. If I had
known about a sling I may not have taken that route, as he sure liked
to be held alot. Oh I miss holding my babies!!!!!!!
I like Pams vision of your girls! Totally free! Just the way it
should be.
I think your girls are trying to help you in their own little way
too, by taking care of themselves and even watching movies. How
wonderful that they are so independent!!!!
TreeGoddess
On Jul 19, 2004, at 11:01 PM, melissazietlow wrote:
DD was born. I was a busy busy Mama because there wasn't a ton that DS
could do on his own yet. But it got easier and I just had to decide on
what I wanted to do/get done (eating, clean underwear, etc.) and what
could wait (most of the laundry, vacuuming [not supposed to do for a
few more weeks anyway], dusting....]. My dishwasher got a lot of use
but we still had piles of dishes....they weren't going anywhere. LOL
sure to find a Mama or two there who would be happy to show you how to
use it and a few different ways to wear your baby.
nap in there, nurse any time he wanted, got a great view, etc. My DD
(2nd born) *hated* being in the sling, but she has issues with feeling
confined to this day (3-1/2yo) and won't wear pants or skirts because
she doesn't like the squeezing feeling around her. She wear underwear
under protest, but I recently bought her ones that are too big and
she's OK with those because they're not hugging her. Shirts and
dresses need to be loose on her...no "empire" waist dresses or high arm
holes that poke her arm pits. Tags must be removed. Seams need to lie
flat. You get the idea.
She didn't like the sling until she was an older baby so I just did
what you're doing now...hold her with one arm while she nurses and I'm
up walking around. That's the only solution that worked for us. LOL
They're fine! :) Their brains won't turn into pudding because they're
watching lots of PBS or videos. Do you think that they're not learning
anything from TV? It sounds like (to me) that your anxiety is that you
don't feel needed and you've lost that special connection with your
DDs. It's still there! Just be happy that they're happy and that
you're able to concentrate on nourishing and nurturing your new little
DS and getting the rest you need to heal from his birth. Think of it
as a vacation that you're on and just allow your girls the freedom to
spend their time how they want.
They couldn't be watching TV *all* the time or they couldn't be running
wild and free a lot too. ;)
what you wanted to do every day, but maybe they didn't. It sounds like
they're having lots of fun and giving Mama the rest she needs. You're
still needed very much! Don't think that they don't need you just as
much as they did before. :) Maybe they're just finding out what they
can do for themselves right now and it's exciting to challenge
themselves. In turn they're letting you rest up so you can join them
soon. Postnatal time can be very emotional for us Mamas. If everyone
else is happy and contend just try to share that feeling with them. :)
Warmly,
-Tracy-
> [They seem happy and accepting, and are continuing to learnThat's great!
> daily, if I am open to seeing it happen (dd 5yo learned to ride
> a two-wheel bike this week). ]
> [ I am wondering how others have handled life with a high-need newbornOne moment at a time. Seriously! :) My DS was 20 months old when my
> and older siblings? ]
DD was born. I was a busy busy Mama because there wasn't a ton that DS
could do on his own yet. But it got easier and I just had to decide on
what I wanted to do/get done (eating, clean underwear, etc.) and what
could wait (most of the laundry, vacuuming [not supposed to do for a
few more weeks anyway], dusting....]. My dishwasher got a lot of use
but we still had piles of dishes....they weren't going anywhere. LOL
> [ I did get a sling, but am having a hard timeWhich one did you get? Is there a local La Leche League group? You're
> using it -- I cannot find a position that seems comfy for the baby. ]
sure to find a Mama or two there who would be happy to show you how to
use it and a few different ways to wear your baby.
> [ He protests whenever we try it, so I have been stuck in a chair mostYep, BTDT too. :) My DS loved his sling and I used it daily. He'd
> of the time...if I am not carrying him while he is attached! ]
nap in there, nurse any time he wanted, got a great view, etc. My DD
(2nd born) *hated* being in the sling, but she has issues with feeling
confined to this day (3-1/2yo) and won't wear pants or skirts because
she doesn't like the squeezing feeling around her. She wear underwear
under protest, but I recently bought her ones that are too big and
she's OK with those because they're not hugging her. Shirts and
dresses need to be loose on her...no "empire" waist dresses or high arm
holes that poke her arm pits. Tags must be removed. Seams need to lie
flat. You get the idea.
She didn't like the sling until she was an older baby so I just did
what you're doing now...hold her with one arm while she nurses and I'm
up walking around. That's the only solution that worked for us. LOL
> Something specific that is really bothering me is that since the lastYou've got a lot on your plate right now. Just let the TV issue go.
> weeks of my pregnancy, the girls have been watching unlimited
> tv/videos. I have been moving toward this slowly, and completely
> relaxed when I had to spend more and more time on the couch.
> Granted, we only get PBS and the videos are chosen ones from the
> library, but when we have days where all the girls do is lounge in
> front of the tv, I am feeling like they could be spending their time
> on better things like reading. And that perhaps they would be doing
> more if I was better able to facilitate it. I have offered to read
> them books during the day when there have been a few precious
> moments, but they have been caught up in something else and it gets
> forgotten, or the baby needs me before they are ready.
They're fine! :) Their brains won't turn into pudding because they're
watching lots of PBS or videos. Do you think that they're not learning
anything from TV? It sounds like (to me) that your anxiety is that you
don't feel needed and you've lost that special connection with your
DDs. It's still there! Just be happy that they're happy and that
you're able to concentrate on nourishing and nurturing your new little
DS and getting the rest you need to heal from his birth. Think of it
as a vacation that you're on and just allow your girls the freedom to
spend their time how they want.
They couldn't be watching TV *all* the time or they couldn't be running
wild and free a lot too. ;)
> [ I think, I was prepared but still expecting to be needed and to atBut did your girls have any say in that decision? YOU decided that's
> least
> be able to have time to read with them, as I decided that was the one
> thing
> we would "do" every day.]
what you wanted to do every day, but maybe they didn't. It sounds like
they're having lots of fun and giving Mama the rest she needs. You're
still needed very much! Don't think that they don't need you just as
much as they did before. :) Maybe they're just finding out what they
can do for themselves right now and it's exciting to challenge
themselves. In turn they're letting you rest up so you can join them
soon. Postnatal time can be very emotional for us Mamas. If everyone
else is happy and contend just try to share that feeling with them. :)
Warmly,
-Tracy-
melissazietlow
--- In [email protected], "Syndi" <justlikemama@y...>
wrote:
Both my girls took one and it never interfered with nursing so
believe me, I have been trying to get him to take one! In fact, I
have bought two different kinds thus far, and he is just not too
interested -- even gets mad when we pop it in his little mouth. Now
and then it will stay in, but usually he spits it out.
little way too, by taking care of themselves and even watching
movies. How wonderful that they are so independent!!!!
At moments when I am thinking and seeing clearly and not totally
clouded by exhaustion or the little one's wailing, I look at them
(the girls) and think the same thing. How fun to be free and how
great to just LIVE. I do see them playing better together and making
up more games... and helping each other climb up on the counter to
reach the perfect bowl for a Barbie pool off the top cupboard shelf :)
But when the fear and guilt set in, and my mother adamantly expresses
her thoughts that I cannot handle homeschooling, and the library
books are sitting untouched, I think "WHAT ABOUT READING?". I do not
feel like I must force a workbook, but I do start to feel I should be
reading to them more than just at bedtime.
MZ
wrote:
>>Oh Melissa, Hang in there! I take it you would rather not resortto a pacifier?
Both my girls took one and it never interfered with nursing so
believe me, I have been trying to get him to take one! In fact, I
have bought two different kinds thus far, and he is just not too
interested -- even gets mad when we pop it in his little mouth. Now
and then it will stay in, but usually he spits it out.
>>I like Pams vision of your girls! Totally free! Just the way itshould be. I think your girls are trying to help you in their own
little way too, by taking care of themselves and even watching
movies. How wonderful that they are so independent!!!!
At moments when I am thinking and seeing clearly and not totally
clouded by exhaustion or the little one's wailing, I look at them
(the girls) and think the same thing. How fun to be free and how
great to just LIVE. I do see them playing better together and making
up more games... and helping each other climb up on the counter to
reach the perfect bowl for a Barbie pool off the top cupboard shelf :)
But when the fear and guilt set in, and my mother adamantly expresses
her thoughts that I cannot handle homeschooling, and the library
books are sitting untouched, I think "WHAT ABOUT READING?". I do not
feel like I must force a workbook, but I do start to feel I should be
reading to them more than just at bedtime.
MZ
Joan Labbe & Salvatore Genovese
<<<I am wondering how others have handled life with a high-need newborn
and older siblings? I did get a sling, but am having a hard time
using it -- I cannot find a position that seems comfy for the baby.
He protests whenever we try it, so I have been stuck in a chair most
of the time...if I am not carrying him while he is attached!>>>>
I had a high need newborn son with a 2.3 year old spirited sibling. I had
tried the sling with my daughter as an infant, but given up when we didn't
seem able to make it work until she was on my hip and it was easier. So
with my son, it took some time and a LOT of persistance on my part, but it
was well worth it. I kept reading books on different positioning and kept
trying and trying and trying. It was true that once in the sling babies
want to keep moving. So if you are standing there trying different
positions, your baby will likely protest. So I kept trying a position, then
moving as soon as I was in a position, and we did find positions that my son
liked after some time. We did it because it HAD to happen. I had a 2 year
old who was NOT happy on her own, and he needed to be on my body and he
needed to be moving 24 hours a day for the first 12 weeks (I even spent the
nights in motion in a rocking chair with a car pillow around my neck to try
to doze - until my freaked out by his birth daughter woke up which was
happening three or four times a night, and then my husband would walk the
baby while I tried to get her back to sleep). You can also get help with
the sling and positioning from other moms and leaders at La Leche if you go
to meetings in your area. Also, many areas have Attachment Parenting (API)
groups and you can get assistance from moms at those meetings too.
In terms of how I handled things, I got anything I could find to do with my
daughter while either in a rocking chair or moving in a sling. Since
reading while walking with the baby in a sling was tricky, I went more to
storytelling which she loved. I got body crayons so that I could draw on
her hands and body while in the rocking chair. She watched endless hours of
Zoboomafoo and quite frankly I was grateful and thankful that she could make
that choice since so much of the rest of the time my high spirited daughter
felt the loss of me so intensely, had a hard time being distracted, and that
was very very hard on both of us until my son started napping on his own at
12 weeks so that she finally got time with me again where we could do what
she wanted when she wanted it. She got some comfort from tandem nursing,
although that was also a rocky road for my two (but that's a long story off
topic). I would have been thrilled to see her running wild and happy
without me since that would have meant that she was happy and my baby was
still able to get what he needed. As it was, I spent a lot of time crying
because I couldn't split in two and be two people, I had little support
around me, and because many days it felt like no ones needs got met. What I
did choose to do to help myself through was to focus each night on those
times or that one time during the day when we all smiled at something, when
we laughted, when joy made it's way through despite our circumstances.
Joan
and older siblings? I did get a sling, but am having a hard time
using it -- I cannot find a position that seems comfy for the baby.
He protests whenever we try it, so I have been stuck in a chair most
of the time...if I am not carrying him while he is attached!>>>>
I had a high need newborn son with a 2.3 year old spirited sibling. I had
tried the sling with my daughter as an infant, but given up when we didn't
seem able to make it work until she was on my hip and it was easier. So
with my son, it took some time and a LOT of persistance on my part, but it
was well worth it. I kept reading books on different positioning and kept
trying and trying and trying. It was true that once in the sling babies
want to keep moving. So if you are standing there trying different
positions, your baby will likely protest. So I kept trying a position, then
moving as soon as I was in a position, and we did find positions that my son
liked after some time. We did it because it HAD to happen. I had a 2 year
old who was NOT happy on her own, and he needed to be on my body and he
needed to be moving 24 hours a day for the first 12 weeks (I even spent the
nights in motion in a rocking chair with a car pillow around my neck to try
to doze - until my freaked out by his birth daughter woke up which was
happening three or four times a night, and then my husband would walk the
baby while I tried to get her back to sleep). You can also get help with
the sling and positioning from other moms and leaders at La Leche if you go
to meetings in your area. Also, many areas have Attachment Parenting (API)
groups and you can get assistance from moms at those meetings too.
In terms of how I handled things, I got anything I could find to do with my
daughter while either in a rocking chair or moving in a sling. Since
reading while walking with the baby in a sling was tricky, I went more to
storytelling which she loved. I got body crayons so that I could draw on
her hands and body while in the rocking chair. She watched endless hours of
Zoboomafoo and quite frankly I was grateful and thankful that she could make
that choice since so much of the rest of the time my high spirited daughter
felt the loss of me so intensely, had a hard time being distracted, and that
was very very hard on both of us until my son started napping on his own at
12 weeks so that she finally got time with me again where we could do what
she wanted when she wanted it. She got some comfort from tandem nursing,
although that was also a rocky road for my two (but that's a long story off
topic). I would have been thrilled to see her running wild and happy
without me since that would have meant that she was happy and my baby was
still able to get what he needed. As it was, I spent a lot of time crying
because I couldn't split in two and be two people, I had little support
around me, and because many days it felt like no ones needs got met. What I
did choose to do to help myself through was to focus each night on those
times or that one time during the day when we all smiled at something, when
we laughted, when joy made it's way through despite our circumstances.
Joan
melissazietlow
--- In [email protected], TreeGoddess
<treegoddess@c...> wrote:
numbers for my county.
DDs.
Yes, this is mostly true. When I see them lounging in front of the
tube on some days I feel like "what am I doing to them by not being
available? Their only solace is tv!" Seems silly to write, but real
when it comes up.
was the one thing we would "do" every day.]
they're just finding out what they can do for themselves right now
and it's exciting to challenge themselves.
You're right. It was my agenda. I decided it was important, and
reasonable as my 'only' homeschool expectation. That we can unschool
IF we at least read together twice a day or more, and that we could
accomplish this even with a newborn sibling. But they are not
interested at this point and that throws a wrench in my comfort level!
Thanks for the reassurance.
MZ
<treegoddess@c...> wrote:
> > [ I am wondering how others have handled life with a high-neednewborn and older siblings? ]
> One moment at a time.I need to repeat thism like a mantra...
> > [ I did get a sling, but am having a hard time using it -- Icannot find a position that seems comfy for the baby. ]
> Which one did you get?An adjustable one with rings, padded rails by www.nurturedcub.ca
>Is there a local La Leche League group?I have been trying to locate one with no luck yet. The website had no
numbers for my county.
> It sounds like (to me) that your anxiety is that you don't feelneeded and you've lost that special connection with your
DDs.
Yes, this is mostly true. When I see them lounging in front of the
tube on some days I feel like "what am I doing to them by not being
available? Their only solace is tv!" Seems silly to write, but real
when it comes up.
> > [ I think, I was prepared but still expecting to be needed and toat least be able to have time to read with them, as I decided that
was the one thing we would "do" every day.]
> But did your girls have any say in that decision? YOU decidedthat's what you wanted to do every day, but maybe they didn't. Maybe
they're just finding out what they can do for themselves right now
and it's exciting to challenge themselves.
You're right. It was my agenda. I decided it was important, and
reasonable as my 'only' homeschool expectation. That we can unschool
IF we at least read together twice a day or more, and that we could
accomplish this even with a newborn sibling. But they are not
interested at this point and that throws a wrench in my comfort level!
Thanks for the reassurance.
MZ
TreeGoddess
On Jul 20, 2004, at 10:10 AM, melissazietlow wrote:
first sling that I had. It was too bulky, baby and I were both sweaty
from it, and I couldn't tighten the sling as much I would have liked.
I looked at their "wearing" link at
http://www3.telus.net/comishin/NurturedCub/Wearing.htm and was cringing
at the photos (especially the ones of the guy!) because the sling is
supposed to rest ON your actual shoulder....not up on your neck and
over your collar bone. Ow! That'd give me a sore neck and/or a
headache in no time flat.
Second, the "newborn hold" that they show is squishing the poor baby.
That baby doesn't even look happy in the photo that they used. LOL
With a wee babe like yours, I suggest using the "cradle hold" (like
they show) and/or placing your baby chest to chest with you with the
sling hugging him to you. The bottom edge of the sling can go under
his bum or just behind his knees with his legs out just a bit. Try out
different positions to see what works for you both.
One last tip for new slingers ;) is to pop baby in the sling and MOVE
around right away. Walk around your house or in your yard. Sway your
hips if you're standing in place. Remember that he's used to being
warm and snug inside of you and is comforted by your natural walking
motions.
entertainment and enjoyment. If they didn't like it or were bored it
would seem like they'd let you know. :) Just let them know that
you're available and try not to take it personally if they'd rather do
something else for a bit. Maybe easier said than done. :)
more relaxed. Thinking of activities as options rather than
obligations will bring more joy to your family. :D
You're doing great!
-Tracy-
> [ An adjustable one with rings, padded rails by www.nurturedcub.ca ]I went to the site to take a peek and that sling is similar to the
first sling that I had. It was too bulky, baby and I were both sweaty
from it, and I couldn't tighten the sling as much I would have liked.
I looked at their "wearing" link at
http://www3.telus.net/comishin/NurturedCub/Wearing.htm and was cringing
at the photos (especially the ones of the guy!) because the sling is
supposed to rest ON your actual shoulder....not up on your neck and
over your collar bone. Ow! That'd give me a sore neck and/or a
headache in no time flat.
Second, the "newborn hold" that they show is squishing the poor baby.
That baby doesn't even look happy in the photo that they used. LOL
With a wee babe like yours, I suggest using the "cradle hold" (like
they show) and/or placing your baby chest to chest with you with the
sling hugging him to you. The bottom edge of the sling can go under
his bum or just behind his knees with his legs out just a bit. Try out
different positions to see what works for you both.
One last tip for new slingers ;) is to pop baby in the sling and MOVE
around right away. Walk around your house or in your yard. Sway your
hips if you're standing in place. Remember that he's used to being
warm and snug inside of you and is comforted by your natural walking
motions.
> [ When I see them lounging in front of theHmmm....I wouldn't say that they're using it for "solace", but rather
> tube on some days I feel like "what am I doing to them by not being
> available? Their only solace is tv!" Seems silly to write, but real
> when it comes up. ]
entertainment and enjoyment. If they didn't like it or were bored it
would seem like they'd let you know. :) Just let them know that
you're available and try not to take it personally if they'd rather do
something else for a bit. Maybe easier said than done. :)
> You're right. It was my agenda. I decided it was important, andFree yourself from "shoulds" and embrace "coulds"....you'll be much
> reasonable as my 'only' homeschool expectation. That we can unschool
> IF we at least read together twice a day or more, and that we could
> accomplish this even with a newborn sibling. But they are not
> interested at this point and that throws a wrench in my comfort level!
more relaxed. Thinking of activities as options rather than
obligations will bring more joy to your family. :D
You're doing great!
-Tracy-
eriksmama2001
We don't brush hair with only one child. lol.
One idea is have a mother's helper come for an hour or two to play
with the older children several days a week. Then you are still
available but they get some direct interaction in a fun/novel way.
Especially now while school is out. 10-18 year olds all help. There
must be someone close so that they can walk or drive to your house
without packing the house and all to pick them up.
We pay $5 for an hour. Much cheaper than counselling charges for near
insanity. lol.
Trust your children to ask for what they need. This is an opp
ortunity for you all to learn what they are capable of. It is much
easier to recognize when we "allow" too much freedom, than it is to
know when we use too much control. This is a wonderful chance for you
to grow in trusting them to be self-determining.
Pat
--- In [email protected], "melissazietlow"
<Zietlowfamily@w...> wrote:
One idea is have a mother's helper come for an hour or two to play
with the older children several days a week. Then you are still
available but they get some direct interaction in a fun/novel way.
Especially now while school is out. 10-18 year olds all help. There
must be someone close so that they can walk or drive to your house
without packing the house and all to pick them up.
We pay $5 for an hour. Much cheaper than counselling charges for near
insanity. lol.
Trust your children to ask for what they need. This is an opp
ortunity for you all to learn what they are capable of. It is much
easier to recognize when we "allow" too much freedom, than it is to
know when we use too much control. This is a wonderful chance for you
to grow in trusting them to be self-determining.
Pat
--- In [email protected], "melissazietlow"
<Zietlowfamily@w...> wrote:
> What wild days we are having here!is
>
> Baby Ethan is 3 weeks old today, and quite a challenge for me. He
> sweet and beautiful, but very vocal about his needs, that is forbut
> sure! And what he needs is mama's bosom! If his eyes are open, he
> wants to nurse and has a difficult time waiting if that becomes
> necessary. Totally opposite from his two sisters, who were mostly
> content. My girls are still handling the lifestyle changes well,
> I am feeling displaced and guilty about all the time I am no longerfence,
> able to give them. They have been running wild outside in the
> and running wild in the house while I nurse the baby. They are3yo
> feeding themselves and doing things I didn't know they could (the
> is awkwardly wiping herself in the bathroom without telling me).seeing
> Some days no one gets their hair brushed... They seem happy and
> accepting, and are continuing to learn daily, if I am open to
> it happen (dd 5yo learned to ride a two-wheel bike this week).newborn
>
> I am wondering how others have handled life with a high-need
> and older siblings? I did get a sling, but am having a hard timebaby.
> using it -- I cannot find a position that seems comfy for the
> He protests whenever we try it, so I have been stuck in a chairmost
> of the time...if I am not carrying him while he is attached!last
>
> Something specific that is really bothering me is that since the
> weeks of my pregnancy, the girls have been watching unlimitedtime
> tv/videos. I have been moving toward this slowly, and completely
> relaxed when I had to spend more and more time on the couch.
> Granted, we only get PBS and the videos are chosen ones from the
> library, but when we have days where all the girls do is lounge in
> front of the tv, I am feeling like they could be spending their
> on better things like reading. And that perhaps they would bedoing
> more if I was better able to facilitate it. I have offered to readto
> them books during the day when there have been a few precious
> moments, but they have been caught up in something else and it gets
> forgotten, or the baby needs me before they are ready.
>
> I feel I have been ready to embrace unschooling as a lifestyle, but
> now that it has really started to happen, as a natural result of
> bringing the baby home, I am feeling anxious. I think, I was
> prepared but still expecting to be needed and to at least be able
> have time to read with them, as I decided that was the one thing webetter?
> would "do" every day.
>
> I know that it will be better in time, but how can I see today
> Melissa Z.
Sylvia Toyama
On the subject of slings -- keep trying, because some babes need time to grow into it. Dan refused any position but upright in the sling, even fr0m a few weeks old. He absolutely would not be in the 'recline' position recommended for newborns.
My first recommendation is to use a non-padded sling, like the Maya (or homemade).
For positioning Dan, until about 8 or 10 mos, I placed him in the sling vertically, with his feet tucked under him crossed (what we used to call sitting Indian-style), fully in the fabric like a pouch. Until he was able to reliably hold his head up all day, and when he slept, I kept the sling fabric pulled up to the back of his head, as a support for his neck. This put his face right up to my chest, where he would rest his cheek on my breast -- so sweet! Gradually, as he got older I was able to move the fabric below his arms, allowing him more movement. Somewhere around 10 mos (as he hit 20 lbs) I started putting him more on my hip, with his legs hanging out of the sling. This gave him a more outward look on the world, and relieved the weight some for me. Also, the sling fabric at the shoulder should be fanned out with the ring as far from your neck as possible to save you back and neck pain.
We used the sling almost constantly when in arms until he was about 2. In fact, when I finally stopped wearing it all the time, people teased me that they didn't recognize me without it! It just takes a little time to get the hang of it.
As for the worries about too much TV, and feeling like you do too little for your girls, that will get better with time. It really does take 8 to 10 weeks to settle in with a new little person, certainly 6 or so to establish a healthy nursing relationship. This is important time for you and the baby, that for you will seem like a long time 'lost' on a day-by-day basis, but for your girls will really fly by. They won't lose anything important developmentally in this time. What they will gain is the experience of seeing what it means for a mother to bond with her babe, and how much you love him. By talking to them about what you're doing for the baby, and reminiscing what their baby days were like, you'll be able to reinforce for them how very loved they are and always have been. You'll also have the opportunity to see them develop compassion and empathy for their brother. All really good stuff.
Congratulations to you all,
Syl
*********
I did get a sling, but am having a hard time using it -- I cannot find a position that seems comfy for the baby.
---------------------------------
Do you Yahoo!?
Yahoo! Mail - Helps protect you from nasty viruses.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
My first recommendation is to use a non-padded sling, like the Maya (or homemade).
For positioning Dan, until about 8 or 10 mos, I placed him in the sling vertically, with his feet tucked under him crossed (what we used to call sitting Indian-style), fully in the fabric like a pouch. Until he was able to reliably hold his head up all day, and when he slept, I kept the sling fabric pulled up to the back of his head, as a support for his neck. This put his face right up to my chest, where he would rest his cheek on my breast -- so sweet! Gradually, as he got older I was able to move the fabric below his arms, allowing him more movement. Somewhere around 10 mos (as he hit 20 lbs) I started putting him more on my hip, with his legs hanging out of the sling. This gave him a more outward look on the world, and relieved the weight some for me. Also, the sling fabric at the shoulder should be fanned out with the ring as far from your neck as possible to save you back and neck pain.
We used the sling almost constantly when in arms until he was about 2. In fact, when I finally stopped wearing it all the time, people teased me that they didn't recognize me without it! It just takes a little time to get the hang of it.
As for the worries about too much TV, and feeling like you do too little for your girls, that will get better with time. It really does take 8 to 10 weeks to settle in with a new little person, certainly 6 or so to establish a healthy nursing relationship. This is important time for you and the baby, that for you will seem like a long time 'lost' on a day-by-day basis, but for your girls will really fly by. They won't lose anything important developmentally in this time. What they will gain is the experience of seeing what it means for a mother to bond with her babe, and how much you love him. By talking to them about what you're doing for the baby, and reminiscing what their baby days were like, you'll be able to reinforce for them how very loved they are and always have been. You'll also have the opportunity to see them develop compassion and empathy for their brother. All really good stuff.
Congratulations to you all,
Syl
*********
I did get a sling, but am having a hard time using it -- I cannot find a position that seems comfy for the baby.
---------------------------------
Do you Yahoo!?
Yahoo! Mail - Helps protect you from nasty viruses.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sylvia Toyama
Oh Melissa, Hang in there!
I take it you would rather not resort to a pacifier? Some babies have a need to suck more then others. But I totally understand if that is not something you want for the baby.
*****
And some babies -- all three of mine, for example -- flatly refuse all pacifiers, no matter how much Mama might want a break. We tried all manner of pacifiers with the older two boys to no avail. By the time I'd had my 3rd, I'd seen too many kids who were still using the pacifier at 3 or 4yo and Mom was crazy to get rid of it, so we didn't even bother. I just accepted that I would be nursing ALOT and often. He's now 3-1/2 and some days he still nurses as often as when he was a baby.
Our boys wouldn't even suck their thumbs. Nothing but the genuine article for these guys!
Syl
---------------------------------
Do you Yahoo!?
Vote for the stars of Yahoo!'s next ad campaign!
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I take it you would rather not resort to a pacifier? Some babies have a need to suck more then others. But I totally understand if that is not something you want for the baby.
*****
And some babies -- all three of mine, for example -- flatly refuse all pacifiers, no matter how much Mama might want a break. We tried all manner of pacifiers with the older two boys to no avail. By the time I'd had my 3rd, I'd seen too many kids who were still using the pacifier at 3 or 4yo and Mom was crazy to get rid of it, so we didn't even bother. I just accepted that I would be nursing ALOT and often. He's now 3-1/2 and some days he still nurses as often as when he was a baby.
Our boys wouldn't even suck their thumbs. Nothing but the genuine article for these guys!
Syl
---------------------------------
Do you Yahoo!?
Vote for the stars of Yahoo!'s next ad campaign!
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sylvia Toyama
I do not feel like I must force a workbook, but I do start to feel I should be reading to them more than just at bedtime.
MZ
****
If you're managing to read at bedtime with a new baby, that's a lot.
I have to say here that I think people really oversell the value of reading to small children. What makes reading a toddler book to a child better than talking to them as we would talk to other people? It certainly isn't any more educational than just talking about our real world with our children.
I think much of the emphasis on reading to kids comes from the schoolish idea that parents don't spend any other valuable time with their kids, as if the only way to get parents to interact with kids is to make them sit down with a book. Sadly, this seems to be true for so many people, who never learned to talk to kids like sentient beings. Kids are so often minimized in our culture, that adults come to believe we need an artificial system for kids to learn what we know. Just talk to your kids -- from the moment they're born -- about anything and everything. Answer their questions and ask your own. Wonder aloud about things as you go thru your day, and your kids will learn to do the same, and that will spark all kind of conversation. IMO, talking to them in the natural course of our day is much more valuable, as it is real life not some dumbed-down story about Curious George or the fuzzy bunny.
Syl
---------------------------------
Do you Yahoo!?
Vote for the stars of Yahoo!'s next ad campaign!
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
MZ
****
If you're managing to read at bedtime with a new baby, that's a lot.
I have to say here that I think people really oversell the value of reading to small children. What makes reading a toddler book to a child better than talking to them as we would talk to other people? It certainly isn't any more educational than just talking about our real world with our children.
I think much of the emphasis on reading to kids comes from the schoolish idea that parents don't spend any other valuable time with their kids, as if the only way to get parents to interact with kids is to make them sit down with a book. Sadly, this seems to be true for so many people, who never learned to talk to kids like sentient beings. Kids are so often minimized in our culture, that adults come to believe we need an artificial system for kids to learn what we know. Just talk to your kids -- from the moment they're born -- about anything and everything. Answer their questions and ask your own. Wonder aloud about things as you go thru your day, and your kids will learn to do the same, and that will spark all kind of conversation. IMO, talking to them in the natural course of our day is much more valuable, as it is real life not some dumbed-down story about Curious George or the fuzzy bunny.
Syl
---------------------------------
Do you Yahoo!?
Vote for the stars of Yahoo!'s next ad campaign!
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 7/20/2004 12:36:16 PM Eastern Daylight Time,
sylgt04@... writes:
have to say here that I think people really oversell the value of reading to
small children. What makes reading a toddler book to a child better than
talking to them as we would talk to other people? It certainly isn't any more
educational than just talking about our real world with our children. <<<,
I think it's part of the "surround the child with the printed word and he
won't be able to *avoid* reading" thang. The more words he sees, the better.
But in most homes (unschooling homes, anyway) there are words everywhere. Can't
really avoid it if you tried!
if the only way to get parents to interact with kids is to make them sit down
with a book. Sadly, this seems to be true for so many people, who never
learned to talk to kids like sentient beings<<<<
I think you're spot-on here. MAKING parents spend time with their
children----and this is the only way to get that to happen----threaten them with
illiteracy! Sheesh!
~Kelly
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
sylgt04@... writes:
have to say here that I think people really oversell the value of reading to
small children. What makes reading a toddler book to a child better than
talking to them as we would talk to other people? It certainly isn't any more
educational than just talking about our real world with our children. <<<,
I think it's part of the "surround the child with the printed word and he
won't be able to *avoid* reading" thang. The more words he sees, the better.
But in most homes (unschooling homes, anyway) there are words everywhere. Can't
really avoid it if you tried!
>>>>>I think much of the emphasis on reading to kids comes from theschoolish idea that parents don't spend any other valuable time with their kids, as
if the only way to get parents to interact with kids is to make them sit down
with a book. Sadly, this seems to be true for so many people, who never
learned to talk to kids like sentient beings<<<<
I think you're spot-on here. MAKING parents spend time with their
children----and this is the only way to get that to happen----threaten them with
illiteracy! Sheesh!
~Kelly
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
eriksmama2001
Paper plates, let them go without a bath occasionally, sleep in their
clothes. These things don't send children to the hospital. My
priority is that my son have the liberty to do what he wants unless
it will probably send him to the hospital or hurt someone or damage
something beyond repair. When you set your goal to the really high
level priorities, it is easier to let the little things go when there
are not enough hours in the day. Happy is healthier than spotless.
Pat
--- In [email protected], TreeGoddess
<treegoddess@c...> wrote:
clothes. These things don't send children to the hospital. My
priority is that my son have the liberty to do what he wants unless
it will probably send him to the hospital or hurt someone or damage
something beyond repair. When you set your goal to the really high
level priorities, it is easier to let the little things go when there
are not enough hours in the day. Happy is healthier than spotless.
Pat
--- In [email protected], TreeGoddess
<treegoddess@c...> wrote:
> On Jul 19, 2004, at 11:01 PM, melissazietlow wrote:newborn
>
> > [They seem happy and accepting, and are continuing to learn
> > daily, if I am open to seeing it happen (dd 5yo learned to ride
> > a two-wheel bike this week). ]
>
> That's great!
>
> > [ I am wondering how others have handled life with a high-need
> > and older siblings? ]my
>
> One moment at a time. Seriously! :) My DS was 20 months old when
> DD was born. I was a busy busy Mama because there wasn't a tonthat DS
> could do on his own yet. But it got easier and I just had todecide on
> what I wanted to do/get done (eating, clean underwear, etc.) andwhat
> could wait (most of the laundry, vacuuming [not supposed to do fora
> few more weeks anyway], dusting....]. My dishwasher got a lot ofuse
> but we still had piles of dishes....they weren't going anywhere.LOL
>baby. ]
> > [ I did get a sling, but am having a hard time
> > using it -- I cannot find a position that seems comfy for the
>You're
> Which one did you get? Is there a local La Leche League group?
> sure to find a Mama or two there who would be happy to show you howto
> use it and a few different ways to wear your baby.most
>
> > [ He protests whenever we try it, so I have been stuck in a chair
> > of the time...if I am not carrying him while he is attached! ]He'd
>
> Yep, BTDT too. :) My DS loved his sling and I used it daily.
> nap in there, nurse any time he wanted, got a great view, etc. MyDD
> (2nd born) *hated* being in the sling, but she has issues withfeeling
> confined to this day (3-1/2yo) and won't wear pants or skirtsbecause
> she doesn't like the squeezing feeling around her. She wearunderwear
> under protest, but I recently bought her ones that are too big andarm
> she's OK with those because they're not hugging her. Shirts and
> dresses need to be loose on her...no "empire" waist dresses or high
> holes that poke her arm pits. Tags must be removed. Seams need tolie
> flat. You get the idea.I'm
>
> She didn't like the sling until she was an older baby so I just did
> what you're doing now...hold her with one arm while she nurses and
> up walking around. That's the only solution that worked for us.LOL
>last
> > Something specific that is really bothering me is that since the
> > weeks of my pregnancy, the girls have been watching unlimitedtime
> > tv/videos. I have been moving toward this slowly, and completely
> > relaxed when I had to spend more and more time on the couch.
> > Granted, we only get PBS and the videos are chosen ones from the
> > library, but when we have days where all the girls do is lounge in
> > front of the tv, I am feeling like they could be spending their
> > on better things like reading. And that perhaps they would bedoing
> > more if I was better able to facilitate it. I have offered toread
> > them books during the day when there have been a few preciousgets
> > moments, but they have been caught up in something else and it
> > forgotten, or the baby needs me before they are ready.go.
>
> You've got a lot on your plate right now. Just let the TV issue
> They're fine! :) Their brains won't turn into pudding becausethey're
> watching lots of PBS or videos. Do you think that they're notlearning
> anything from TV? It sounds like (to me) that your anxiety is thatyou
> don't feel needed and you've lost that special connection with yourlittle
> DDs. It's still there! Just be happy that they're happy and that
> you're able to concentrate on nourishing and nurturing your new
> DS and getting the rest you need to heal from his birth. Think ofit
> as a vacation that you're on and just allow your girls the freedomto
> spend their time how they want.running
>
> They couldn't be watching TV *all* the time or they couldn't be
> wild and free a lot too. ;)at
>
> > [ I think, I was prepared but still expecting to be needed and to
> > leastone
> > be able to have time to read with them, as I decided that was the
> > thingthat's
> > we would "do" every day.]
>
> But did your girls have any say in that decision? YOU decided
> what you wanted to do every day, but maybe they didn't. It soundslike
> they're having lots of fun and giving Mama the rest she needs.You're
> still needed very much! Don't think that they don't need you justas
> much as they did before. :) Maybe they're just finding out whatthey
> can do for themselves right now and it's exciting to challengethem
> themselves. In turn they're letting you rest up so you can join
> soon. Postnatal time can be very emotional for us Mamas. Ifeveryone
> else is happy and contend just try to share that feeling withthem. :)
>
> Warmly,
> -Tracy-
Robyn Coburn
<<<But when the fear and guilt set in, and my mother adamantly expresses
her thoughts that I cannot handle homeschooling, and the library
books are sitting untouched, I think "WHAT ABOUT READING?". I do not
feel like I must force a workbook, but I do start to feel I should be
reading to them more than just at bedtime.>>>
I only read to Jayn when she asks me to. She is surrounded by a very print
rich environment, including books, magazines, and print on computer screens.
She sees the adults in her life doing a lot of both reading and writing. She
sometimes prioritizes reading in her day, and cycles through different
reading times during the day - and it has been a while since she has wanted
a book at bedtime. In fact she is more likely to want to read first thing in
the morning (or after awakening to be accurate) when it then inspires her
playing. There is nothing magical about bedtime as the best reading time for
us.
I want to just float the idea that your older two girls are not one entity
with two heads - I mean they might have different preferences for subject
matter and times to read. It could end up being a time when you get to give
and receive individual attention.
For some reason recently I have been posting the same idea over and over on
the lists. The phrase is "I try to eliminate negative people from my life".
Just post partum is a vunerable time for mothers, regardless of how many
babies there have been. I hope that you (or your husband) can persuade your
mother to just STOP saying discouraging and negative things to you,
regardless of her opinion. You can handle homeschooling, and Unschooling. In
fact you ARE doing so.
In the hours after my dd was born, dh called his mother to tell her the good
news and that we had decided to call her "Jayn". Her reply was "Oh I don't
like that name". Dh replied, in a very gentle voice, "Mum, I don't want to
hear your negativity". She hung up on him, and they didn't speak for two
years. Mind you, she's not a normal person.
Robyn L. Coburn
---
Outgoing mail is certified Virus Free.
Checked by AVG anti-virus system (http://www.grisoft.com).
Version: 6.0.721 / Virus Database: 477 - Release Date: 7/16/2004
her thoughts that I cannot handle homeschooling, and the library
books are sitting untouched, I think "WHAT ABOUT READING?". I do not
feel like I must force a workbook, but I do start to feel I should be
reading to them more than just at bedtime.>>>
I only read to Jayn when she asks me to. She is surrounded by a very print
rich environment, including books, magazines, and print on computer screens.
She sees the adults in her life doing a lot of both reading and writing. She
sometimes prioritizes reading in her day, and cycles through different
reading times during the day - and it has been a while since she has wanted
a book at bedtime. In fact she is more likely to want to read first thing in
the morning (or after awakening to be accurate) when it then inspires her
playing. There is nothing magical about bedtime as the best reading time for
us.
I want to just float the idea that your older two girls are not one entity
with two heads - I mean they might have different preferences for subject
matter and times to read. It could end up being a time when you get to give
and receive individual attention.
For some reason recently I have been posting the same idea over and over on
the lists. The phrase is "I try to eliminate negative people from my life".
Just post partum is a vunerable time for mothers, regardless of how many
babies there have been. I hope that you (or your husband) can persuade your
mother to just STOP saying discouraging and negative things to you,
regardless of her opinion. You can handle homeschooling, and Unschooling. In
fact you ARE doing so.
In the hours after my dd was born, dh called his mother to tell her the good
news and that we had decided to call her "Jayn". Her reply was "Oh I don't
like that name". Dh replied, in a very gentle voice, "Mum, I don't want to
hear your negativity". She hung up on him, and they didn't speak for two
years. Mind you, she's not a normal person.
Robyn L. Coburn
---
Outgoing mail is certified Virus Free.
Checked by AVG anti-virus system (http://www.grisoft.com).
Version: 6.0.721 / Virus Database: 477 - Release Date: 7/16/2004
pam sorooshian
On Jul 20, 2004, at 6:29 AM, melissazietlow wrote:
Interacting with each other might be FAR more beneficial to them than
anything you'd do with them right now. How lucky they are to have this
time together!
Please please let your anxiety go - relax and just sink into the way it
is now with a new baby - I mean - just BE, minute by minute, fully
present in the moment. Do not squander these moments worrying about
what you're NOT doing - focus on what you ARE doing. A smile and a kiss
are worth more than anything else in the world and take just a fraction
of a minute! Just love them. That is truly all they need from you right
now.
-pam
National Home Education Network
<www.NHEN.org>
Serving the entire homeschooling community since 1999
through information, networking and public relations.
> I do notIt is okay. It really is. You have time -- you'll have time.
> feel like I must force a workbook, but I do start to feel I should be
> reading to them more than just at bedtime.
Interacting with each other might be FAR more beneficial to them than
anything you'd do with them right now. How lucky they are to have this
time together!
Please please let your anxiety go - relax and just sink into the way it
is now with a new baby - I mean - just BE, minute by minute, fully
present in the moment. Do not squander these moments worrying about
what you're NOT doing - focus on what you ARE doing. A smile and a kiss
are worth more than anything else in the world and take just a fraction
of a minute! Just love them. That is truly all they need from you right
now.
-pam
National Home Education Network
<www.NHEN.org>
Serving the entire homeschooling community since 1999
through information, networking and public relations.
pam sorooshian
On Jul 20, 2004, at 7:10 AM, melissazietlow wrote:
Sat and nursed and watched tv by the hour. I have 3 girls, 3 years
apart. We watched together - i watched their favorite shows --- LOTS
and lots and lots of them. And those times of intensive tv watching are
great memories for all of us, now. My youngest missed out on that -
since we didn't have another baby to nurse. And sometimes I feel bad
that she didn't get those hours of watching Mr. Rogers and Under the
Umbrella Tree and Smurfs and cartoons and so on... But she got the
bonus of 2 big sisters to interact with - to make up for it <G>.
> --- In [email protected], TreeGoddessHEY - I watched a LOT of tv with my older kids when I had a new baby.
> <treegoddess@c...> wrote:
>>> [ I am wondering how others have handled life with a high-need
> newborn and older siblings? ]
>
>> One moment at a time.
>
> I need to repeat thism like a mantra...
>
>
>>> [ I did get a sling, but am having a hard time using it -- I
> cannot find a position that seems comfy for the baby. ]
>
>> Which one did you get?
>
> An adjustable one with rings, padded rails by www.nurturedcub.ca
>
>
>> Is there a local La Leche League group?
>
> I have been trying to locate one with no luck yet. The website had no
> numbers for my county.
>
>
>> It sounds like (to me) that your anxiety is that you don't feel
> needed and you've lost that special connection with your
> DDs.
>
> Yes, this is mostly true. When I see them lounging in front of the
> tube on some days I feel like "what am I doing to them by not being
> available? Their only solace is tv!" Seems silly to write, but real
> when it comes up.
>
Sat and nursed and watched tv by the hour. I have 3 girls, 3 years
apart. We watched together - i watched their favorite shows --- LOTS
and lots and lots of them. And those times of intensive tv watching are
great memories for all of us, now. My youngest missed out on that -
since we didn't have another baby to nurse. And sometimes I feel bad
that she didn't get those hours of watching Mr. Rogers and Under the
Umbrella Tree and Smurfs and cartoons and so on... But she got the
bonus of 2 big sisters to interact with - to make up for it <G>.
melissazietlow
--- In [email protected], Sylvia Toyama
<sylgt04@y...> wrote:
Wondering why the non-padded? Easier to adjust? Mine is padded but
not bulky.
<sylgt04@y...> wrote:
> My first recommendation is to use a non-padded sling, like the Maya(or homemade).
Wondering why the non-padded? Easier to adjust? Mine is padded but
not bulky.
melissazietlow
--- In [email protected], Sylvia Toyama
<sylgt04@y...> wrote:
to kids comes from the schoolish idea that parents don't spend any
other valuable time with their kids, as if the only way to get
parents to interact with kids is to make them sit down with a book.
While I do agree that reading time may be advocated in many
circumstances for this reason (spending quality time that would
otherwise not happen, sadly), I have been finding that while
struggling with letting go of the thought that I need to teach my
girls to read, I have been coming across the idea that children
should be exposed to the printed word as much as possible (Holt), and
the best way to foster reading is to READ TO THEM (Unschooling
Handbook). So this is the 'unschooling route' I decided to take as
we begin the journey, by going to the library, modeling a love of
books and taking time during the day to read together. I also
checked out Peggy Kaye's book on reading (as well as math & writing)
games, with the plan to use them for peace of mind and fun...
<sylgt04@y...> wrote:
> I have to say here that I think people really oversell the value ofreading to small children. I think much of the emphasis on reading
to kids comes from the schoolish idea that parents don't spend any
other valuable time with their kids, as if the only way to get
parents to interact with kids is to make them sit down with a book.
While I do agree that reading time may be advocated in many
circumstances for this reason (spending quality time that would
otherwise not happen, sadly), I have been finding that while
struggling with letting go of the thought that I need to teach my
girls to read, I have been coming across the idea that children
should be exposed to the printed word as much as possible (Holt), and
the best way to foster reading is to READ TO THEM (Unschooling
Handbook). So this is the 'unschooling route' I decided to take as
we begin the journey, by going to the library, modeling a love of
books and taking time during the day to read together. I also
checked out Peggy Kaye's book on reading (as well as math & writing)
games, with the plan to use them for peace of mind and fun...
Sylvia Toyama
Yes, unpadded is easier to adjust, especially for Moms with big breasts. With a young baby, tho, I found it was more that the padding didn't give the kind of neck support for an upright position I was able to get adjusting my Maya sling. I've helped friends adjust slings, and I was a little worried about the smother risk of all that padding close to baby's face. I've actually tried on some padded slings and just could not find a comfy adjustment.
Syl
---------------------------------
Do you Yahoo!?
New and Improved Yahoo! Mail - Send 10MB messages!
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Syl
---------------------------------
Do you Yahoo!?
New and Improved Yahoo! Mail - Send 10MB messages!
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
melissazietlow
--- In [email protected], pam sorooshian
<pamsoroosh@m...> wrote:
have this time together!
fully present in the moment. Do not squander these moments worrying
about what you're NOT doing - focus on what you ARE doing. A smile
and a kiss are worth more than anything else in the world and take
just a fraction of a minute! Just love them. That is truly all they
need from you right now.
Pam,
How right you are. Thank you so much for this. I always look forward
to reading your posts. Wish you lived next door!
MZ
<pamsoroosh@m...> wrote:
> It is okay. It really is. You have time -- you'll have time.than anything you'd do with them right now. How lucky they are to
> Interacting with each other might be FAR more beneficial to them
have this time together!
>way it is now with a new baby - I mean - just BE, minute by minute,
> Please please let your anxiety go - relax and just sink into the
fully present in the moment. Do not squander these moments worrying
about what you're NOT doing - focus on what you ARE doing. A smile
and a kiss are worth more than anything else in the world and take
just a fraction of a minute! Just love them. That is truly all they
need from you right now.
Pam,
How right you are. Thank you so much for this. I always look forward
to reading your posts. Wish you lived next door!
MZ
melissazietlow
--- In [email protected], pam sorooshian
<pamsoroosh@m...> wrote:
years apart. We watched together - i watched their favorite shows ---
LOTS and lots and lots of them. And those times of intensive tv
watching are great memories for all of us, now.
And they still learned to read?! :)
<pamsoroosh@m...> wrote:
> HEY - I watched a LOT of tv with my older kids when I had a newbaby. Sat and nursed and watched tv by the hour. I have 3 girls, 3
years apart. We watched together - i watched their favorite shows ---
LOTS and lots and lots of them. And those times of intensive tv
watching are great memories for all of us, now.
And they still learned to read?! :)
pam sorooshian
On Jul 21, 2004, at 3:28 PM, melissazietlow wrote:
teenage girls would be thrilled!
-pam
National Home Education Network
<www.NHEN.org>
Serving the entire homeschooling community since 1999
through information, networking and public relations.
> Wish you lived next door!Me TOO!!!! We'd play with your little ones and hold your baby and my
>
teenage girls would be thrilled!
-pam
National Home Education Network
<www.NHEN.org>
Serving the entire homeschooling community since 1999
through information, networking and public relations.
pam sorooshian
On Jul 21, 2004, at 3:44 PM, melissazietlow wrote:
Potter books again for about the 12th time through. She's also reading
everything by Lois Lowry that she can find - lots of discussions about
"the Giver" around here lately. Plus she's wanting to read I, Robot by
Isaac Asimov before going to see the movie. Roya (19) just came back
from a camping trip and she took a pile of books with her. Roxana is
reading several things at once - just part way through "Camille," which
I've never read and she's been telling me about it. "The Caged
Bird....." by Maya Angelou -- and reading about her on the internet.
And, let's see, yesterday she read "Animal Farm." This is a SLOW
reading time for her because she's performing in Pirates of Penzance
right now and they have 2 or 3 shows every day. They each check out 10
or more books from the library every time we go - often.
So - I don't buy the whole idea that watching tv will prevent them from
reading. If reading is so great - why WOULD that be true?
-pam
National Home Education Network
<www.NHEN.org>
Serving the entire homeschooling community since 1999
through information, networking and public relations.
>> HEY - I watched a LOT of tv with my older kids when I had a newOh yes. Voracious readers. Rosie (13) just finished all the Harry
> baby. Sat and nursed and watched tv by the hour. I have 3 girls, 3
> years apart. We watched together - i watched their favorite shows ---
> LOTS and lots and lots of them. And those times of intensive tv
> watching are great memories for all of us, now.
>
> And they still learned to read?! :)
Potter books again for about the 12th time through. She's also reading
everything by Lois Lowry that she can find - lots of discussions about
"the Giver" around here lately. Plus she's wanting to read I, Robot by
Isaac Asimov before going to see the movie. Roya (19) just came back
from a camping trip and she took a pile of books with her. Roxana is
reading several things at once - just part way through "Camille," which
I've never read and she's been telling me about it. "The Caged
Bird....." by Maya Angelou -- and reading about her on the internet.
And, let's see, yesterday she read "Animal Farm." This is a SLOW
reading time for her because she's performing in Pirates of Penzance
right now and they have 2 or 3 shows every day. They each check out 10
or more books from the library every time we go - often.
So - I don't buy the whole idea that watching tv will prevent them from
reading. If reading is so great - why WOULD that be true?
-pam
National Home Education Network
<www.NHEN.org>
Serving the entire homeschooling community since 1999
through information, networking and public relations.
melissazietlow
--- In [email protected], pam sorooshian
<pamsoroosh@m...> wrote:
Good for them. Their lives sound so interesting and full!
I suppose it didn't stop me, now that I see it...
My dd is just sooo into her movies, and the fear is that she will not
want to make the effort to read, when it is easier to have something
played in front of her. At this point that seems to be the case, but
like you said, there is time.
MZ
<pamsoroosh@m...> wrote:
>>They each check out 10 or more books from the library every time wego - often.
Good for them. Their lives sound so interesting and full!
>> So - I don't buy the whole idea that watching tv will prevent themfrom reading. If reading is so great - why WOULD that be true?
I suppose it didn't stop me, now that I see it...
My dd is just sooo into her movies, and the fear is that she will not
want to make the effort to read, when it is easier to have something
played in front of her. At this point that seems to be the case, but
like you said, there is time.
MZ
Rebecca DeLong
I wanted to pop my head in and say hi. Our life has been the hardest it's been in a long time, and I've had no time to be on the computer.
Jason(dh) got really sick about 2 1/2 months ago and had to take some time off from school. He tried finding work but nothing was panning out, so I switched my hours at work so that I could work full time and bring in some more money. I was sooo tired and getting more pregnant. We were fighting with family because of Jason not being in school. And we were trying to decide if he was even going to go back. With me due the end of Sept, and no paid maternity leave through my work we didn't know what to do for money, but we moved to MI spacifically so Jason could go to school, and this was a very unexpected pregnancy, and we just couldn't figure anyting out.
Then last monday, after the biggest fight with my stepmom yet, I went in to labor and had to be checked into the hospital ( I still had 8 wks to go). I ended up with really brutal care by the residents, and only mine and Jasons loud and vocal protests that we were patients of the midwifes in the hospital brought about any change, we are now looking at a possible malpractice suit.
My midwife was able to stop my labor and was kind enough to let me come home, although I had to stay flat on my back and would not be going back to work.
Sunday, Jason sat my family down and told them he's not going back to school any time soon, and that he may not go back at all. And that if they continued to argue with me about it they would no longer be welcome in our life. They seemed okay with not saying anything, and they were really worried when i was put in the hospital.
Yesterday my midwife took me off of strict bedrest I can shower and sit for 30 min every couple of hours. And Jason, after calling and trying to find a job for months, called a place out of an add in last weeks paper and was hired over the phone! He started today, 40-70 hours a week (he has to work 40, but if he wants OT it's his) and he'll be making good money.
I'm hoping that life is looking up for us. The boys are doing great though, they've been haveing fun, playing outside, coloring, cooking. and are in the process of mastering 007 on the PS2.
I have to run, I have to go lay back down for a little while, I'll try to pop back in, in a few hours. I've missed this group, and it looks like I've missed a lot of good stuff...I'll attempt to wade through the archives when I can sit for longer. :)
~Rebecca
---------------------------------
Do you Yahoo!?
Yahoo! Mail Address AutoComplete - You start. We finish.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Jason(dh) got really sick about 2 1/2 months ago and had to take some time off from school. He tried finding work but nothing was panning out, so I switched my hours at work so that I could work full time and bring in some more money. I was sooo tired and getting more pregnant. We were fighting with family because of Jason not being in school. And we were trying to decide if he was even going to go back. With me due the end of Sept, and no paid maternity leave through my work we didn't know what to do for money, but we moved to MI spacifically so Jason could go to school, and this was a very unexpected pregnancy, and we just couldn't figure anyting out.
Then last monday, after the biggest fight with my stepmom yet, I went in to labor and had to be checked into the hospital ( I still had 8 wks to go). I ended up with really brutal care by the residents, and only mine and Jasons loud and vocal protests that we were patients of the midwifes in the hospital brought about any change, we are now looking at a possible malpractice suit.
My midwife was able to stop my labor and was kind enough to let me come home, although I had to stay flat on my back and would not be going back to work.
Sunday, Jason sat my family down and told them he's not going back to school any time soon, and that he may not go back at all. And that if they continued to argue with me about it they would no longer be welcome in our life. They seemed okay with not saying anything, and they were really worried when i was put in the hospital.
Yesterday my midwife took me off of strict bedrest I can shower and sit for 30 min every couple of hours. And Jason, after calling and trying to find a job for months, called a place out of an add in last weeks paper and was hired over the phone! He started today, 40-70 hours a week (he has to work 40, but if he wants OT it's his) and he'll be making good money.
I'm hoping that life is looking up for us. The boys are doing great though, they've been haveing fun, playing outside, coloring, cooking. and are in the process of mastering 007 on the PS2.
I have to run, I have to go lay back down for a little while, I'll try to pop back in, in a few hours. I've missed this group, and it looks like I've missed a lot of good stuff...I'll attempt to wade through the archives when I can sit for longer. :)
~Rebecca
---------------------------------
Do you Yahoo!?
Yahoo! Mail Address AutoComplete - You start. We finish.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Jon and Rue Kream
Hi Rebecca - I'm sorry you guys have been through so much! I'm glad to hear
things are getting better, though. ~Rue
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
things are getting better, though. ~Rue
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Lanie Carlson-Lim
Rebecca,
Healthy blessings to you! I'll put some healing energy out to you :) Take care...it looks like things are looking up
Lanie
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Healthy blessings to you! I'll put some healing energy out to you :) Take care...it looks like things are looking up
Lanie
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 8/10/2004 10:19:29 AM Eastern Daylight Time,
elfmama_2@... writes:
I wanted to pop my head in and say hi. Our life has been the hardest it's
been in a long time, and I've had no time to be on the computer.<<<
Welcome back, Rebecca. We've missed the elfmama! >G>
~Kelly
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
elfmama_2@... writes:
I wanted to pop my head in and say hi. Our life has been the hardest it's
been in a long time, and I've had no time to be on the computer.<<<
Welcome back, Rebecca. We've missed the elfmama! >G>
~Kelly
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]