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I believe in unschooling. That doesn't mean I have rerouted all my "old"
thoughts or erased all the old tapes running in my head:) I have always
done the best I could to unschool myself. Whether or not I believed
myself was the clincher. I wasn't sure if I should believe what I was
taught by family, school, society, etc. or my own thoughts. Luckily I am
fairly stubborn. I gave birth to six children and opened my heart to
another who is our fosterson soon to be adopted. Of coarse there has
been the usual situations and some really difficult ones. I still
remember the ache in my heart when each of my kids went to kindergarten.
I am glad I finally believed in myself enought to unschool. I am having
a hard time though with my own thought patterns regarding my fosterson
who is 8. He is 3-4 emotionally, according to his therapist who deals
specifically with kids with reactive attachment disorder (like Helen
Keller had). He also had defiant disorder, eating disorder,
post-traumatic stress disorder reactions, etc. - a bunch of labels. I
feel constantly irritated by him. He wakes me up every morning by asking
me if he can get dressed, where is the food, walking on his tip toes,
falling over things, screeching, etc. Every morning for the last year or
more I have repeated myself about "yes, get dressed" and he asks again
the next day. I think he wants my attention and he has learned that this
is how it is done. He has had 13 placements including a state-run
institution where he lived for one year. He is on Concerta which helps
calm him down. Without it he seems "drunk." Speaking of cleaning his
room, we do that together. He choosed to keep his room very cluttered
like he keeps his desk at school. Maybe I am too old and "stuck" in my
ways. He is intelligent and very creative. He likes to dress up as a
girl, including tieing a shirt on his head to look like hair, makeup,
highheels, and a dress. Some people have had difficulty with this and
most don't, including me. I believe in his right to be who he is. I know
I feel a great responsibility towards him and the state. That gets in my
way. Some where in my thought patterns I end up feeling very frustrated
with the whole business. I have people telling me to "make him behave"
when he won't go to his room, when he throws a fit, etc. I don't have a
magic wand. He is very manipulative, has a great need to control people
including teachers, therapists, etc. I would think that he would be
tired of all the adults controling him. There are at least a dozen
adults who work with him. Either way, I feel overwhelmed so I can
imagine how he feels. This summer he has had camp which he has loved. So
far he has had 4 weeks and we may get another two. Other than that he
has 3 different people from the same agency who are called "skills
workers" that pick him up 3 days a week and do "skills" with
him/socializing him. His therapist said the main concern is to bond with
him and have everyone on his team knowing to refer back to "mom" to
assist him in bonding. He goes to public school and is high-maintenance
there. He constanty demands attention so he has a tutor to help direct
him. The teacher he has this year was one of my kids teachers. She was
one of the main reasons I decided to unschool at home. Perhaps after we
adopt him I will unschool him although right now I feel overwhelmed
enough. Maybe we could do with less "help" by then and it will feel
better. Michele



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