Lisa Heyman

>From: Katharine Wise <katharinewise@...>
....it lacked .... any indication that she ever struggled with doubts. >>

My doubts come from my own personal insecurities not from doubts about
unschooling. When i consider my fears it makes me more assured that
unschooling is the right way to go. It doesn't mean i am a perfect parent
all the time. Facing my doubts head on ultimately builds strength in my
convictions. (see below copy of my posting about doubts from regional
unschooling list).

>>
I've found that when I turn to people for advice who seem to always be 100%
confident, on the one hand I appreciate their advice but on the other I
begin to wonder if they just have such easy children that whatever they did
always "worked".
>


I don't know if my kids are easy but it has always worked!!!! We have
unschooled right from the beginning so maybe that's why our relationships
are what they are - maybe not - your right i wouldn't know.

There are, however, different challenges we've faced with each child...or
rather each child in their own way has challenged us to be different or (as
Merideth so aptly put it) be better people.

Funny how when my oldest dd was young, family and friends had very strong
feelings about how i responded to her. They seemed to think of her as a
challenge and that i was not in control. For me control wasn't my intention
- though they still don't necessarily understand this perspective.

It appeared to others that she was the challenge...i had a very different
perception then of her and the situation and now that she's 13.5 the same
folks seem to have an entirely different perception of her as well and for
the most part a different regard for how i parent. They don't voice out
loud the same concerns in my response to my very active and busy 8 yo.
However, new concerns about how i am doing things are being voiced...as my
13.5 yo still doesn't do what other kids in school her age are doing.
Comparing my kids 'academic' learning to schooled kids doesn't work - just
as comparing their socialization skills and other personality traits to my
kids wouldn't hold muster either (imho).

so what is 'working' anyway. i am always amazed by the kids who have been
labeled 'difficult' as being extrodinary in their enthusiasm, energy,
creativity, etc.etcl.etc...of course now i'm generalizing as well <g>. but
i love being with these 'difficult' kids..they keep me humble and alive and
conscious of the miracles of uniqueness in each individual.

Lisa Heyman


************
my posting from another unschooling list.:

Having doubts can be a good thing as it makes us question ourselves and
reevaluate our choices. Just so you know your human, even veteran seemingly
secure unschoolers can sometimes have doubts.

My doubts often come from comparing myself to others. However, when i
question
if i am doing right by kids, i look at them and ask myself - are they happy?
are they secure? are they thriving? what do i need to be doing differently
to
facilitate them better? The answer has never been to put them in school. And
it's never to impose anything on them that they do not ask for.

Sometimes they see others doing something and wonder if it would work for
them.
We discuss it. We may try it. But often if they are insecure and doubting
what
we are doing in relation to others its time for a discussion about
differences
between people and making our own choices and why we are doing what we are
doing. i think its important for the kids to understand why they are
parented
the way they are and to get their feedback. And it may also be time to
surround
them (and myself) with like minded folks so i/we don't feel so weird - as in
truth we are so very different than the norm that being involved in the real
world we are confronted with our differences constantly.

(We just came back from a three day road trip...stopping in CT for a
gathering
of unschoolers on the way to staying over night with unschooling friends in
MA
for two days).

What exactly are you having doubts about? If you don't mind, it would be
helpful to share your concerns so that we can respond specifically. I have a
13yo and 8yo (both girls) and they have always unschooled and always learned
in
their own way at their own pace (it is very different than what we are
conditioned to believe as what's supposed to be or look like).

Lisa Heyman

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Ren Allen

~~but i love being with these 'difficult' kids..they keep me humble
and alive and conscious of the miracles of uniqueness in each
individual.~~

I love how you put this. Beautiful.

I was talking to my sister last night (who also has an extremely
intense child) and we were commenting on how these particular children
have really caused us to become BETTER human beings. In so many ways,
Jalen has helped me grow....it's not exactly pain-free though.:)

Ren
learninginfreedom.com