Ren

"OH BOY this isnt working here at all..... my 12 y old has decided she is a
night owl and stays up most of the night and sleeps all day!!"

Maybe you could explain how that isn't "working". If "working" means she sleeps when you think she should, then we're on a different level of understanding.
Sounds like it's working just fine for her.
My 14 y.o. typically stays up until 2-3am and sleeps until 1-2pm. Works great for him. If we are going somewhere earlier, and he wants to join in, I prepare him with information. He's always up and ready in plenty of time. Sometimes he's nervous he won't be able to get up and says "Mom, make SURE you wake me up".:)
We all honor each other's sleep schedules, we all have different needs. The big thing around here is to be quiet when someone else is trying to sleep.

Ren

Learn about unschooling at:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/unschoolingbasics/