Family Dynamics Question
Tina
I am wondering if there is anyone else out there that can relate to
my situation. As I mentioned before, we are a combined family with
two adults and seven children. The youngest, my biological son, is
the only homeschooled child in the home.
I've not even mentioned the word "unschooling" to anyone outside of
my two close friends and the few unschooling lists I belong to. I
don't feel "free" to do so. I'd love to discuss it with Pat, my
fiance of seven years, but he's no where near being in the same book
as me let alone on the same page.
Adrian, my son, and I have been practicing unschooling since December
of last year. I can see him growing as a young person, individual
and free thinker. I love it! It has had a tremendous impact on
myself as well. With the four oldest girls, 16-18 years of age, I
can really tell a difference when I remember to think like an
unschooler in relating to them as well. It's remarkable.
There is one catch. The one person that I can't get to relate to me
or the kids is Pat. Slowly, I have been sharing bits and pieces of
things I have been learning. I've mostly been sharing things that
directly effect our way of living in relation to home and job. He
doesn't like to read at all. The only thing he does read is
instruction manuals and information of such related to vehicle
repair. He's a transmission mechanic by trade.
I'm trying to figure out what my question is...I guess I just want to
know if anyone else has a husband that is clueless about unschooling
and that way of life yet you are living it with your children. If
so, how do you do it? Do you think it's possible to live in such a
way? How do you share information with someone you love that very
much raises the children in a very "old school" kind of way so to
speak? Pat is very controlling and dictatorship like with the kids.
I am not that way and am leaning even further away from that end of
the spectrum.
Oh, how I wish I had known about homeschooling and unschooling 15
years ago. It would have been an amazing thing for us all. Well,
you know what they say about that 20/20 vision thing...
Thanks - Tina
my situation. As I mentioned before, we are a combined family with
two adults and seven children. The youngest, my biological son, is
the only homeschooled child in the home.
I've not even mentioned the word "unschooling" to anyone outside of
my two close friends and the few unschooling lists I belong to. I
don't feel "free" to do so. I'd love to discuss it with Pat, my
fiance of seven years, but he's no where near being in the same book
as me let alone on the same page.
Adrian, my son, and I have been practicing unschooling since December
of last year. I can see him growing as a young person, individual
and free thinker. I love it! It has had a tremendous impact on
myself as well. With the four oldest girls, 16-18 years of age, I
can really tell a difference when I remember to think like an
unschooler in relating to them as well. It's remarkable.
There is one catch. The one person that I can't get to relate to me
or the kids is Pat. Slowly, I have been sharing bits and pieces of
things I have been learning. I've mostly been sharing things that
directly effect our way of living in relation to home and job. He
doesn't like to read at all. The only thing he does read is
instruction manuals and information of such related to vehicle
repair. He's a transmission mechanic by trade.
I'm trying to figure out what my question is...I guess I just want to
know if anyone else has a husband that is clueless about unschooling
and that way of life yet you are living it with your children. If
so, how do you do it? Do you think it's possible to live in such a
way? How do you share information with someone you love that very
much raises the children in a very "old school" kind of way so to
speak? Pat is very controlling and dictatorship like with the kids.
I am not that way and am leaning even further away from that end of
the spectrum.
Oh, how I wish I had known about homeschooling and unschooling 15
years ago. It would have been an amazing thing for us all. Well,
you know what they say about that 20/20 vision thing...
Thanks - Tina
[email protected]
In a message dated 6/1/2004 11:30:54 AM Central Daylight Time, zoocrew@... writes:
I'm trying to figure out what my question is...I guess I just want to
know if anyone else has a husband that is clueless about unschooling
and that way of life yet you are living it with your children. If
so, how do you do it? Do you think it's possible to live in such a
way? How do you share information with someone you love that very
much raises the children in a very "old school" kind of way so to
speak? Pat is very controlling and dictatorship like with the kids.
I am not that way and am leaning even further away from that end of
the spectrum.
When we left school for home, it was basicaly up to me to do with the boys whatever I thought was "right" , my dh said. He told me he trusted that whatever I did would be the right thing to do. He's never asked once what we do during the day, never asked for test scores, or how many books we've read or is the youngest reading yet. I've talked about unschooling but not to the point that he could possibly know what it really is. So he either does have us figured out or , he's just absolutly clueless!
syndi
Joanne Watson
Hi Tina,
I think we're in the same boat. So many things seem to be so
clandestine, unfortunately. It's just that my husband is a known cynic
and I am passionate about unschooling being a vital component to the
homeschooling that I do with my daughter. It's my personal philosophy,
but I have to recognize how much more philosophically traditional he is
than I. He was born and raised in England and went to Catholic school
in a pressed uniform. Even though that experience left him
unimpressed, it still seemed to imprint him with the need for school as
an institution. Go figure.
Controlling and dictatorship? Mine too. I catch myself looking the
other way. He has so many other fine, loving qualities but I don't
suppose he could ever unlearn these negative ones - they seem pretty
inherent in his nature.
Cynic that he is, were he to try to denigrate the ideals that are
closest to my heart, I would lose so much respect for him that I am
not sure I could really recover. Respecting each other's values and
principles is just so important, even in disagreement. So, not being
inclined to flirt with that kind of disaster, I suppose I shut him out
quite a bit. We can bash each other's politics and religious (or lack
thereof) ideologies in safety and no harm done. It's like for sport.
This is different. Would he know enough to know the difference? That
how I choose to educate my daughter is sacred ground to me? That this
is where I choose to invest my energy, my time, and my love?
His work pays the bills, so it is therefore automatically important and
valid. Mine doesn't pay off in dollars and cents.
Just the same, I am hoping that one day he'll just be able to admit to
me that now he sees the blessings that maybe were hidden in the
beginning, that my daughter was truly blessed to have had these
unschooling experiences, that it enriched her life in countless ways
that money just couldn't buy.
I'm not holding my breath...(LOL!)
Joanne
I think we're in the same boat. So many things seem to be so
clandestine, unfortunately. It's just that my husband is a known cynic
and I am passionate about unschooling being a vital component to the
homeschooling that I do with my daughter. It's my personal philosophy,
but I have to recognize how much more philosophically traditional he is
than I. He was born and raised in England and went to Catholic school
in a pressed uniform. Even though that experience left him
unimpressed, it still seemed to imprint him with the need for school as
an institution. Go figure.
Controlling and dictatorship? Mine too. I catch myself looking the
other way. He has so many other fine, loving qualities but I don't
suppose he could ever unlearn these negative ones - they seem pretty
inherent in his nature.
Cynic that he is, were he to try to denigrate the ideals that are
closest to my heart, I would lose so much respect for him that I am
not sure I could really recover. Respecting each other's values and
principles is just so important, even in disagreement. So, not being
inclined to flirt with that kind of disaster, I suppose I shut him out
quite a bit. We can bash each other's politics and religious (or lack
thereof) ideologies in safety and no harm done. It's like for sport.
This is different. Would he know enough to know the difference? That
how I choose to educate my daughter is sacred ground to me? That this
is where I choose to invest my energy, my time, and my love?
His work pays the bills, so it is therefore automatically important and
valid. Mine doesn't pay off in dollars and cents.
Just the same, I am hoping that one day he'll just be able to admit to
me that now he sees the blessings that maybe were hidden in the
beginning, that my daughter was truly blessed to have had these
unschooling experiences, that it enriched her life in countless ways
that money just couldn't buy.
I'm not holding my breath...(LOL!)
Joanne
On Tuesday, June 1, 2004, at 12:24 PM, Tina wrote:
> I am wondering if there is anyone else out there that can relate to
> my situation. As I mentioned before, we are a combined family with
> two adults and seven children. The youngest, my biological son, is
> the only homeschooled child in the home.
>
> I've not even mentioned the word "unschooling" to anyone outside of
> my two close friends and the few unschooling lists I belong to. I
> don't feel "free" to do so. I'd love to discuss it with Pat, my
> fiance of seven years, but he's no where near being in the same book
> as me let alone on the same page.
>
> Adrian, my son, and I have been practicing unschooling since December
> of last year. I can see him growing as a young person, individual
> and free thinker. I love it! It has had a tremendous impact on
> myself as well. With the four oldest girls, 16-18 years of age, I
> can really tell a difference when I remember to think like an
> unschooler in relating to them as well. It's remarkable.
>
> There is one catch. The one person that I can't get to relate to me
> or the kids is Pat. Slowly, I have been sharing bits and pieces of
> things I have been learning. I've mostly been sharing things that
> directly effect our way of living in relation to home and job. He
> doesn't like to read at all. The only thing he does read is
> instruction manuals and information of such related to vehicle
> repair. He's a transmission mechanic by trade.
>
> I'm trying to figure out what my question is...I guess I just want to
> know if anyone else has a husband that is clueless about unschooling
> and that way of life yet you are living it with your children. If
> so, how do you do it? Do you think it's possible to live in such a
> way? How do you share information with someone you love that very
> much raises the children in a very "old school" kind of way so to
> speak? Pat is very controlling and dictatorship like with the kids.
> I am not that way and am leaning even further away from that end of
> the spectrum.
>
> Oh, how I wish I had known about homeschooling and unschooling 15
> years ago. It would have been an amazing thing for us all. Well,
> you know what they say about that 20/20 vision thing...
>
> Thanks - Tina
>
>
>
>
>
> Yahoo! Groups Links
>
>
>
>
>
Tina
<<His work pays the bills, so it is therefore automatically important
and valid. Mine doesn't pay off in dollars and cents. Just the same,
I am hoping that one day he'll just be able to admit to me that now
he sees the blessings that maybe were hidden in the beginning, that
my daughter was truly blessed to have had these unschooling
experiences, that it enriched her life in countless ways that money
just couldn't buy.
I'm not holding my breath...(LOL!)
Joanne>>
**I'm not holding my breath either! I feel totally alone in my
parenting values, educational values and personal values. I, too, do
a lot of looking the other way as well as tongue biting. It's
amazing I've not had to have it surgically repaired! :):)
I'm glad that you shared a little about your personal experience.
It's nice to know that I'm not the only one out there that has it one-
sided. Sometimes I really feel like a minority when it comes to
that, especially hearing all the stories about moms and dads
discussing family life and education and arriving at decisions
together. That rarely, if ever, happens in our home.
I'm encouraged...
Tina
and valid. Mine doesn't pay off in dollars and cents. Just the same,
I am hoping that one day he'll just be able to admit to me that now
he sees the blessings that maybe were hidden in the beginning, that
my daughter was truly blessed to have had these unschooling
experiences, that it enriched her life in countless ways that money
just couldn't buy.
I'm not holding my breath...(LOL!)
Joanne>>
**I'm not holding my breath either! I feel totally alone in my
parenting values, educational values and personal values. I, too, do
a lot of looking the other way as well as tongue biting. It's
amazing I've not had to have it surgically repaired! :):)
I'm glad that you shared a little about your personal experience.
It's nice to know that I'm not the only one out there that has it one-
sided. Sometimes I really feel like a minority when it comes to
that, especially hearing all the stories about moms and dads
discussing family life and education and arriving at decisions
together. That rarely, if ever, happens in our home.
I'm encouraged...
Tina
[email protected]
In a message dated 6/2/2004 11:57:37 AM Eastern Daylight Time,
zoocrew@... writes:
I'm glad that you shared a little about your personal experience.
It's nice to know that I'm not the only one out there that has it one-
sided. Sometimes I really feel like a minority when it comes to
that, especially hearing all the stories about moms and dads
discussing family life and education and arriving at decisions
together. That rarely, if ever, happens in our home.
I'm encouraged...<<<<Can either you bring your husbands to the Live and Learn Conference in MA in August?Life changing----and it could have your husbands on board in a weekend. No joke!
~Kelly
Tina
I would love to go, but it's just not an option for us this year. Is
this an annual event, and is it always in MA? I'm going to take
another look at the site. I did save the link...
Thanks - Tina
this an annual event, and is it always in MA? I'm going to take
another look at the site. I did save the link...
Thanks - Tina
--- In [email protected], kbcdlovejo@a... wrote:
> In a message dated 6/2/2004 11:57:37 AM Eastern Daylight Time,
> zoocrew@w... writes:
>
> I'm glad that you shared a little about your personal experience.
> It's nice to know that I'm not the only one out there that has it
one-
> sided. Sometimes I really feel like a minority when it comes to
> that, especially hearing all the stories about moms and dads
> discussing family life and education and arriving at decisions
> together. That rarely, if ever, happens in our home.
>
> I'm encouraged...<<<<
> Can either you bring your husbands to the Live and Learn Conference
in MA in
> August?
> Life changing----and it could have your husbands on board in a
weekend. No
> joke!
>
> ~Kelly
Crystal
Tina, I wrote you a real long answer yesterday but I lost it :-( It
was a little like what Joanne had to say. My dh also doesn't agree
with unschooling. He agreed to homeschool, but I think that neither
of us understood how much unschooling would change our lives. My dh
understands that a child will learn what they need to know, so he's
ok with that part. There was a time when he would ask "why I don't
take homeschooling seriously like other people do", meaning, "why
don't I force book work". I simply asked him to think of how many
men he knew that didn't graduate from high school and then asked if
they worked and supported their families. He said "of course", so
that showed him that the learning part will be fine. His big thing
is that he is afraid the kids won't ever be able to hold a job and
support themselves and will live with us forever.
The part that he is having a real hard time with is that he doesn't
believe children deserve equal respect. He believes that they are
lazy and will never hold a job because I don't force chores on them.
I'm not sure this is going to work out for us because this is a huge
issue and his being disrespectful to the kids makes me not respect
him. This is kind of what Joanne said too. He thinks that I am
giving the kids too much power and that they will be spoiled. I
don't know how your fiance feels about this issue, but it is one that
you both have to agree on or I don't think it will work. Granted, I
believe that one parent unschooling is better than no parent
unschooling, but I think two parents unschooling would be best.
No, Kelly, my dh is not going to the conference. I wish he could go
just for the men's talk and then leave. He thinks it's crazy to pay
to listen to someone talk so that is why he won't go.
I gotta go. I'll check back in later.
Crystal
was a little like what Joanne had to say. My dh also doesn't agree
with unschooling. He agreed to homeschool, but I think that neither
of us understood how much unschooling would change our lives. My dh
understands that a child will learn what they need to know, so he's
ok with that part. There was a time when he would ask "why I don't
take homeschooling seriously like other people do", meaning, "why
don't I force book work". I simply asked him to think of how many
men he knew that didn't graduate from high school and then asked if
they worked and supported their families. He said "of course", so
that showed him that the learning part will be fine. His big thing
is that he is afraid the kids won't ever be able to hold a job and
support themselves and will live with us forever.
The part that he is having a real hard time with is that he doesn't
believe children deserve equal respect. He believes that they are
lazy and will never hold a job because I don't force chores on them.
I'm not sure this is going to work out for us because this is a huge
issue and his being disrespectful to the kids makes me not respect
him. This is kind of what Joanne said too. He thinks that I am
giving the kids too much power and that they will be spoiled. I
don't know how your fiance feels about this issue, but it is one that
you both have to agree on or I don't think it will work. Granted, I
believe that one parent unschooling is better than no parent
unschooling, but I think two parents unschooling would be best.
No, Kelly, my dh is not going to the conference. I wish he could go
just for the men's talk and then leave. He thinks it's crazy to pay
to listen to someone talk so that is why he won't go.
I gotta go. I'll check back in later.
Crystal
[email protected]
In a message dated 6/2/2004 1:48:51 PM Eastern Daylight Time,
crystal.pina@... writes:
He thinks it's crazy to pay
to listen to someone talk so that is why he won't go. <<<<<Tell Kathryn. Maybe you could work for HIS scholarship?~Kelly
Valerie
> In a message dated 6/2/2004 1:48:51 PM Eastern Daylight Time,*****Tell him I'm worth the money! ;-) (I'm speaking in Peabody
> crystal.pina@v... writes:
>
> He thinks it's crazy to pay
> to listen to someone talk so that is why he won't go. <<<<<
this August)
love, Valerie