Intro--very long and mildly narcissistic
Mary Alice
Okay, now Beth is really gonna think I am stalking her. (just take it as the
vote of confidence that it is..<g>)
I am Mary Alice, full time mother-baby nurse by night, wife to Mike the HVAC
business owner and mother to 2 boys by day (and night)!
The older of the two is 11 and was in ps until halfway through 4th
grade-pulled him out in November of '04 because I didn't see the rewards
inherent in breaking his spirit in order to help him fit into a classroom.
The year before had been the one good year of school he had-it was really
uplifting-and I thought we were on an upswing. We had always known about
hsing, but I was in school full time and acknowledged that ps was an
affordable option to facilitate that-free daycare and only that. As he got
older I think I lost sight of that mentality and started to buy into the
idea that schooling was a precious resource and stopped questioning their
sacred cow. Plus, I graduated and started working full time. And then we had
a great year in which E blossomed and bloomed into a self-confident,
responsible young man! He loved his teacher, he enjoyed school. The next
year we were back to the taming of the child to fit into the classroom. We'd
had enough. It was actually DH's idea to bring him home! I wasn't sure I
could handle the pressure! But much like the time he brought our newborn
nursling to our bed and said, "Why don't you just let him sleep with us?" to
my great surprise, I didn't balk and ran with it!
I had dreamed of never ever sending my little one to school. But then I
needed somebody to take care of him while I was sleeping for my night shift,
and last year he stayed in the day care we loved for pre-k because he just
adored his teachers and his classmates and was really grooving on the
structure of it all. No problem there. He knew he'd have more fun there than
he would at home while I slept! I almost sent him to Kindergarten this past
autumn and just couldn't bring myself to do that to him! At least not just
because I was afraid I couldn't teach him how to read! (How unlike me,
really! I can do anything!)
DH works all day and owns his own business (with partners thank goodness)
and he's the one who calms me down and says things like, "We can't stop them
from learning. When does school end and life begin? It doesn't!" I have
strewn his path with AP and other ideas and although in the normal course of
events I think he never would have encountered these ideas, he has run with
them-like discussing homebirth (not that we've done it) or breastfeeding
with his construction buddies when one of them announces an impending baby!
He has intuitively accepted that children are people and love learning and
thank goodness I have him to convert theory to practice for me. I panic in
the moment.
We have mostly unschooled the whole time, or less-schooled. I brought Elijah
home with the sole intention (and I need to remember this!) that if he gains
nothing else he will maintain his mental health. I think I lost what little
I might have had (raised by an absent recovering alcoholic and a manic
depressive genius) by having to fit into a classroom. Nobody cared if I
learned anything-and they all knew intuitively that I grasped everything
presented-and yet it was like they *had* to get something over on me, they
*had* to gain the upper hand on one thing. I see that now. I totally did not
see it then. All I saw was that I was the exception to the rule, every rule
and was therefore useless in society, or at least homeless. But I digress.
I value academia and organized instruction, I do. I value seeking knowledge
from those who have it and having them share it with me. For this reason I
am a bit torn because I recognize today that there was plenty of knowledge
that I would not have sought to learn when I needed it, but that I had
acquired as a child. I am grateful for my grasp of grammar and usage, but I
am not sure, if I had never encountered it I would have taken the time later
to learn it. However, had *my* mother unschooled me, I would have learned it
anyway because she would have continued to correct my grammar ant that of
any radio announcers or written media she encountered! So I need to learn to
trust that my children are steeped in my values simply by living with me and
are likely to therefore value what I value. I never read much as a child
beyond picture books but everyone I loved did. When my attention span and
lifestyle allowed it, I became the avid reader I had always dreamed of
becoming. I think osmosis and immersion really does work a lot more
profoundly than forced application.
But.
My biggest problem is not feeling like the underachiever I always have been
when people ask me in awe, "How do you do it?" Because all I ever want to
say is, "I don't do it, they do!" People ask me, "when do you sleep-when do
you teach?" I skirt the questions with, "They have things they can do while
I am sleeping." Now that I write this, I see the parallel I need to draw.
When I nursed them both for 3+ years each, I avoided many a conflict simply
by not volunteering information that was not public knowledge. Granted, it
was a safety issue for me, as I didn't want to have to defend my parenting
practices every time I turned around. But it also made sure that by not
offering up my lifestyle choices to public scrutiny, I was not asking for
approval. I need to do that now, with this lifestyle choice. I need to
settle into it and trust it like I did the attachment of babyhood and
toddlerhood. Sending my kids away really interrupted the natural progression
of immersion that was our life together. At least now I have it back! I am
only just realizing this since I started embracing unschooling-embracing my
boys as they are.
Mary Alice Madaris
Mother and Facilitator to Elijah and Noah
Wife and partner to Mike
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
vote of confidence that it is..<g>)
I am Mary Alice, full time mother-baby nurse by night, wife to Mike the HVAC
business owner and mother to 2 boys by day (and night)!
The older of the two is 11 and was in ps until halfway through 4th
grade-pulled him out in November of '04 because I didn't see the rewards
inherent in breaking his spirit in order to help him fit into a classroom.
The year before had been the one good year of school he had-it was really
uplifting-and I thought we were on an upswing. We had always known about
hsing, but I was in school full time and acknowledged that ps was an
affordable option to facilitate that-free daycare and only that. As he got
older I think I lost sight of that mentality and started to buy into the
idea that schooling was a precious resource and stopped questioning their
sacred cow. Plus, I graduated and started working full time. And then we had
a great year in which E blossomed and bloomed into a self-confident,
responsible young man! He loved his teacher, he enjoyed school. The next
year we were back to the taming of the child to fit into the classroom. We'd
had enough. It was actually DH's idea to bring him home! I wasn't sure I
could handle the pressure! But much like the time he brought our newborn
nursling to our bed and said, "Why don't you just let him sleep with us?" to
my great surprise, I didn't balk and ran with it!
I had dreamed of never ever sending my little one to school. But then I
needed somebody to take care of him while I was sleeping for my night shift,
and last year he stayed in the day care we loved for pre-k because he just
adored his teachers and his classmates and was really grooving on the
structure of it all. No problem there. He knew he'd have more fun there than
he would at home while I slept! I almost sent him to Kindergarten this past
autumn and just couldn't bring myself to do that to him! At least not just
because I was afraid I couldn't teach him how to read! (How unlike me,
really! I can do anything!)
DH works all day and owns his own business (with partners thank goodness)
and he's the one who calms me down and says things like, "We can't stop them
from learning. When does school end and life begin? It doesn't!" I have
strewn his path with AP and other ideas and although in the normal course of
events I think he never would have encountered these ideas, he has run with
them-like discussing homebirth (not that we've done it) or breastfeeding
with his construction buddies when one of them announces an impending baby!
He has intuitively accepted that children are people and love learning and
thank goodness I have him to convert theory to practice for me. I panic in
the moment.
We have mostly unschooled the whole time, or less-schooled. I brought Elijah
home with the sole intention (and I need to remember this!) that if he gains
nothing else he will maintain his mental health. I think I lost what little
I might have had (raised by an absent recovering alcoholic and a manic
depressive genius) by having to fit into a classroom. Nobody cared if I
learned anything-and they all knew intuitively that I grasped everything
presented-and yet it was like they *had* to get something over on me, they
*had* to gain the upper hand on one thing. I see that now. I totally did not
see it then. All I saw was that I was the exception to the rule, every rule
and was therefore useless in society, or at least homeless. But I digress.
I value academia and organized instruction, I do. I value seeking knowledge
from those who have it and having them share it with me. For this reason I
am a bit torn because I recognize today that there was plenty of knowledge
that I would not have sought to learn when I needed it, but that I had
acquired as a child. I am grateful for my grasp of grammar and usage, but I
am not sure, if I had never encountered it I would have taken the time later
to learn it. However, had *my* mother unschooled me, I would have learned it
anyway because she would have continued to correct my grammar ant that of
any radio announcers or written media she encountered! So I need to learn to
trust that my children are steeped in my values simply by living with me and
are likely to therefore value what I value. I never read much as a child
beyond picture books but everyone I loved did. When my attention span and
lifestyle allowed it, I became the avid reader I had always dreamed of
becoming. I think osmosis and immersion really does work a lot more
profoundly than forced application.
But.
My biggest problem is not feeling like the underachiever I always have been
when people ask me in awe, "How do you do it?" Because all I ever want to
say is, "I don't do it, they do!" People ask me, "when do you sleep-when do
you teach?" I skirt the questions with, "They have things they can do while
I am sleeping." Now that I write this, I see the parallel I need to draw.
When I nursed them both for 3+ years each, I avoided many a conflict simply
by not volunteering information that was not public knowledge. Granted, it
was a safety issue for me, as I didn't want to have to defend my parenting
practices every time I turned around. But it also made sure that by not
offering up my lifestyle choices to public scrutiny, I was not asking for
approval. I need to do that now, with this lifestyle choice. I need to
settle into it and trust it like I did the attachment of babyhood and
toddlerhood. Sending my kids away really interrupted the natural progression
of immersion that was our life together. At least now I have it back! I am
only just realizing this since I started embracing unschooling-embracing my
boys as they are.
Mary Alice Madaris
Mother and Facilitator to Elijah and Noah
Wife and partner to Mike
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
freepsgal
> Okay, now Beth is really gonna think I am stalking her. (just takeOkay, yes, now I do feel like I'm being stalked!! How many yahoo
> it as the vote of confidence that it is..<g>)
groups is this now?? Oh go on and say it Mary Alice, repeat after
me: I AM AN UNSCHOOLER and my children are wonderful! :)
> I value academia and organized instruction, I do.Notice this is an "I" statement. Just because you value it does not
mean your children will or should value it as well.
> I value seeking knowledge from those who have it and having themYou can't know that because you weren't in that position. Stop and
> share it with me. For this reason I am a bit torn because I
> recognize today that there was plenty of knowledge that I would
> not have sought to learn when I needed it, but that I had
> acquired as a child.
think about this a moment... when your boys have wanted to know
something, have they truly given up before finding out because it
seems schoolish to learn something?
> My biggest problem is not feeling like the underachiever I alwaysMary Alice, look at what you wrote! "I always have been" ??
> have been when
First, you're probably being too hard on yourself. Second, you're
comparing yourself to others within a schoolish mentality. Third,
you're passing your baggage onto your children. You probably feel
the way you do because of the way you were raised and all of your
experiences. Right? Your boys are not being raised under the same
set of circumstances! They are wonderful! And I can say that
because I actually have met them. *laugh*
You are an unschooler wanna-be. You've got what it takes but you
are just hanging onto those last few threads of traditional crap
that you just can't seem to let go of. The funny thing is that your
DH and boys are definitely *there*, you just have trouble defining
yourself that way! :)
I've got to get together with you soon. I'd love to let you borrow
my Parenting a Free Child book by Rue Kream, IF you promise to give
it back!!! *grin*
Beth M.
Pamela Sorooshian
On Jun 14, 2006, at 6:57 AM, freepsgal wrote:
sought to learn with what an unschooled kid might seek to learn.
It just doesn't work the same way for these kids - they are different.
You say you value seeking knowledge from those who have it and having
them share it with you -- that is a way of life for unschoolers,
every person around them is seen as a resource for learning something
interesting and potentially valuable.
When kids are little, their focus is on physical skills - sitting up,
walking, etc. Then they turn more to communication and relationships
- talking and empathy. Then there is an age range in which kids tend
to be "fact-gatherers" - usually around ages 8 to 11 or so. They
often LOVE information, at that age, and tend to be very concrete,
not interested so much in analyzing stuff, but more interested in
gaining knowledge. Then they get into more abstract thinking - great
big ideas and also how everything fits together.
Unschooled kids don't ever really exit these stages - when they hit
the more abstract thinking stage, they just add that new ability/
interest to the concrete information-gathering they were already
doing, for example.
I think they tend to be more integrated in some way - it is hard for
me to explain what I mean, but I've seen it over and over. The 18
year old unschooler still has the enthusiasm and energy for trying
things that she/he had at 1 year old when learning to walk and at 5
or 6 when learning to ride a bike. He/she still has the awareness of
becoming more and more empathetic and communicating more clearly - a
process that started as a toddler. AND he/she still loves information
- looks at the whole world as a sort of natural museum, like those
fact-gathering 10 year olds, and has added to all that an ability to
put it all into perspective, to analyze, to choose consciously, to
think critically.
-pam
Unschooling shirts, cups, bumper stickers, bags...
Live Love Learn
UNSCHOOL!
<http://www.cafepress.com/livelovelearn>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>> I value seeking knowledge from those who have it and having themYou were schooled, right? So you can't compare what "you" would have
>> share it with me. For this reason I am a bit torn because I
>> recognize today that there was plenty of knowledge that I would
>> not have sought to learn when I needed it, but that I had
>> acquired as a child.
sought to learn with what an unschooled kid might seek to learn.
It just doesn't work the same way for these kids - they are different.
You say you value seeking knowledge from those who have it and having
them share it with you -- that is a way of life for unschoolers,
every person around them is seen as a resource for learning something
interesting and potentially valuable.
When kids are little, their focus is on physical skills - sitting up,
walking, etc. Then they turn more to communication and relationships
- talking and empathy. Then there is an age range in which kids tend
to be "fact-gatherers" - usually around ages 8 to 11 or so. They
often LOVE information, at that age, and tend to be very concrete,
not interested so much in analyzing stuff, but more interested in
gaining knowledge. Then they get into more abstract thinking - great
big ideas and also how everything fits together.
Unschooled kids don't ever really exit these stages - when they hit
the more abstract thinking stage, they just add that new ability/
interest to the concrete information-gathering they were already
doing, for example.
I think they tend to be more integrated in some way - it is hard for
me to explain what I mean, but I've seen it over and over. The 18
year old unschooler still has the enthusiasm and energy for trying
things that she/he had at 1 year old when learning to walk and at 5
or 6 when learning to ride a bike. He/she still has the awareness of
becoming more and more empathetic and communicating more clearly - a
process that started as a toddler. AND he/she still loves information
- looks at the whole world as a sort of natural museum, like those
fact-gathering 10 year olds, and has added to all that an ability to
put it all into perspective, to analyze, to choose consciously, to
think critically.
-pam
Unschooling shirts, cups, bumper stickers, bags...
Live Love Learn
UNSCHOOL!
<http://www.cafepress.com/livelovelearn>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]