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>>
> ***tantrums***
> Tantrum is a very negative word. It implies the person is not really
> suffering but is just "acting out" for some purpose of manipulation. If
> a kid has reached a point of emotional crisis and no on has moved to help
> him he's hurt, he's not having a tantrum.
>


Hi Deb,

Thank you for that beautiful post. All these adjectives have been used to
describe our new 2 year old foster child. Your description of tantrumming is so
true. This baby is not manipulative, he is suffering which I already knew.
I am going to eliminate the word tantrum from my vocabulary as well as the
other harmful words. I have been getting frustrated with this child and am going
to try harder to meet him where he is at instead of trying to mold him to fit
into our world.

Ren,

Thank you for yet another amazing post. Your words about how adding another
child takes away time and attention from our own kids is very true but added
to my frustration and feelings of inadequacy after I read it. I justify it by
thinking that it can also be a growing experience for our kids as well as a
compassion builder. We take in foster kids mostly because there are so many out
there who no one will take in. This baby has been in 8 homes since July and
the families give up because of all his "issues" which include:

> has MAJOR meltdowns and tantrums
> gets frustrated soooo easily
> getting extremely angry
> has some developmental issues,
> has characteristics of aspergers, adhd, and ppd
> asks me the same questions over and over and over and over
> I just have to stop him. Repeatedly. From smashing things, banging his
head, etc.
> He must be spoken to very simply and plainly.

The truth is, after reading your post yesterday I have been questioning
whether our choice to take in foster kids is detrimental to our own children and
maybe we should stop doing it. I have a very hard time saying no when I get
these calls. All this self doubt is your fault, Ren! I've learned so much from
your wise posts and have come to really trust what you think and your opinion
matters to me. As I sat up with William (the foster baby) at 2:30 this
morning, I was thinking how I'd probably have less patience with my own kids after
losing sleep again rocking this "extra" child. I am probably selling out my
own to help other people's kids. Yikes! With this one high need child in
particular I realize that the best thing for my kids is to find him another home
but that's hard.

Why do you write these words that cause me to think so much?!? Just kidding,
I really do appreciate all your wisdom ladies. I have to take a long, hard
look at myself and our family and figure out what's best.

Thank you! I truly do appreciate your posts even if I don't want to "hear
it" it gets into my brain.


Oh, and for the frustrated mother who listed the above issues describing her
son--try hugging him everytime you or he gets frustrated. It works 95% of the
time with William. Comfort is a wonderful tool, regardless of the problem or
issue.

Peace.

Love,
Robin in MA, going to hug the husband, who comforts me during my tantrums!




[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

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-----Original Message-----
From: ohpurple1@...

Love,
Robin in MA, going to hug the husband, who comforts me during my
tantrums!



-=-=-

You do realize that Ren will be speaking at the NEUnschooling
Conference in Peabody. MA Memorial Day wekend, right?
Shouldn't miss it!


~Kelly

Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://liveandlearnconference.org