Ren

"I have a four year old and I have required that he
participate in working together to keep a clutter free home. I guess a part
of me could not care less if someone considers it anti unschooling or not."

Maybe it's not anti-unschooling, but the word "required" conjures up feelings of anti-joy for me.
Four years old is very little. Understanding child development and the four year old mind (in general) has helped me see that the priorities are very different in their world, as well they should be.
My toddlers joyfully help me, it's part of trying out the adult world, which they mimic intensely at times...all part of the learning process.

I can't imagine "requiring" anything of these very little people, I do have willing helpers quite often. If the clutter is bugging me, I see it as my personal issue and I take care of it (being very careful to not disturb things they might want left alone).

I don't think one should consider whether it's in line with unschooling when making decisions about how to parent, or how to handle family matters. I think the consideration should be: "Is this contributing to a joyful, peaceful household, or taking away from it."
A joyful, peaceful household doesn't mean it's that way only for the parents. Is it joyful and peaceful for all involved members?
A four year old with requirements is very different from a four year old happily helping Mom out because it's fun.
That doesn't mean you aren't handling pick up time with fun in mind, making games of it, or simply allowing him to help as he chooses.
But when a person says "required" and "four year old" in the same sentence, I can't help but wonder whether those requirements are contributing to joy or resentment.

Ren


Learn about unschooling at:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/unschoolingbasics/

Sherri-Lee Pressman

Hi Ren,


Can you recommend a good book that isn't too heavy in it's presentation that
would provide more info about the child development?



I think this would help me a lot,


Thanks,


Sherri-Lee



_____

From: Ren [mailto:starsuncloud@...]
Sent: Saturday, June 26, 2004 4:07 PM
To: [email protected]
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] anti-unschooling?




"I have a four year old and I have required that he
participate in working together to keep a clutter free home. I guess a part
of me could not care less if someone considers it anti unschooling or not."

Maybe it's not anti-unschooling, but the word "required" conjures up
feelings of anti-joy for me.
Four years old is very little. Understanding child development and the four
year old mind (in general) has helped me see that the priorities are very
different in their world, as well they should be.
My toddlers joyfully help me, it's part of trying out the adult world, which
they mimic intensely at times...all part of the learning process.

I can't imagine "requiring" anything of these very little people, I do have
willing helpers quite often. If the clutter is bugging me, I see it as my
personal issue and I take care of it (being very careful to not disturb
things they might want left alone).

I don't think one should consider whether it's in line with unschooling when
making decisions about how to parent, or how to handle family matters. I
think the consideration should be: "Is this contributing to a joyful,
peaceful household, or taking away from it."
A joyful, peaceful household doesn't mean it's that way only for the
parents. Is it joyful and peaceful for all involved members?
A four year old with requirements is very different from a four year old
happily helping Mom out because it's fun.
That doesn't mean you aren't handling pick up time with fun in mind, making
games of it, or simply allowing him to help as he chooses.
But when a person says "required" and "four year old" in the same sentence,
I can't help but wonder whether those requirements are contributing to joy
or resentment.

Ren


Learn about unschooling at:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/unschoolingbasics/






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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

earthmothergypsy

I have my kids help clean up too. When it is time to do house work,
we all pitch in. Even my 2 yr old helps right along side someone
else. :) We just all get started and bring the kids along with us
offering them things to do along the way to help out. It is working
great and they are learning very valuable skills too. Making it more
like fun instead of drudge work really make a big difference too.

Now to add another twist to this. lol!
---We also have a small farm where there is work (animal care) that
HAS to be done. It won't get done by itself and the animals expect
us to keep them healthy and comfortable. When we started farming, we
talked to our older kid before adding anything new to the family. DH
wasn't capable of doing some of the work due to an accident a few
years ago (he broke his right hip and thigh), so the kids knew if we
took on the responsability of an animal then they too would be
responsable for help and care. They decided along side of us what we
would and wouldn't be doing. The younger ones of course were to
small at the time to be part of the decision making, but now they are
included into the "chore time" of animal feeding-which they beg to
do. lol! They love to be around them and help care for them. It
has been a wonderful experience.

This of course wouldn't not be or work if the kids were not here to
help on the farm. It requires their help/work to make it all run
smoothly. Yes, dh and I could do it alone if we so desired now, but
we feel it is better to have the kids involved. So, we still ask for
thier input in matters and we all work together to make it all run
smoothly. They are not forced to work, BUT they also know it is
required at the same time. We are raising foods for the whole family
to eat-including them-and they are part of the family unit, so it is
necessary to for them to help with the "family" work.

The only problem we have encountered so far is our oldest dd who
feels her chores should only be what she should have to do. She
bought her own horse and she tends to skip helping with all the
family animals. This created some stress. She has since moved out
of the house, but WE have her horse and are having now to care for
it. This isn't fair, as it wasn't a decision made by us all, AND it
is HER animal and responsability. This is something that we as a
family are going to have to take care of here in the near future and
will be. But this is the only child we have had any issues with in
this area. :)

~Amanda

--- In [email protected], "Ren" <starsuncloud@n...>
wrote:
>
> "I have a four year old and I have required that he
> participate in working together to keep a clutter free home. I
guess a part
> of me could not care less if someone considers it anti unschooling
or not."
>
> Maybe it's not anti-unschooling, but the word "required" conjures
up feelings of anti-joy for me.
> Four years old is very little. Understanding child development and
the four year old mind (in general) has helped me see that the
priorities are very different in their world, as well they should be.
> My toddlers joyfully help me, it's part of trying out the adult
world, which they mimic intensely at times...all part of the learning
process.
>
> I can't imagine "requiring" anything of these very little people, I
do have willing helpers quite often. If the clutter is bugging me, I
see it as my personal issue and I take care of it (being very careful
to not disturb things they might want left alone).
>
> I don't think one should consider whether it's in line with
unschooling when making decisions about how to parent, or how to
handle family matters. I think the consideration should be: "Is this
contributing to a joyful, peaceful household, or taking away from it."
> A joyful, peaceful household doesn't mean it's that way only for
the parents. Is it joyful and peaceful for all involved members?
> A four year old with requirements is very different from a four
year old happily helping Mom out because it's fun.
> That doesn't mean you aren't handling pick up time with fun in
mind, making games of it, or simply allowing him to help as he
chooses.
> But when a person says "required" and "four year old" in the same
sentence, I can't help but wonder whether those requirements are
contributing to joy or resentment.
>
> Ren
>
>
> Learn about unschooling at:
> http://groups.yahoo.com/group/unschoolingbasics/