trektheory

I was reading the posts regarding the difference between unschooler
and radical unschooler, and it seems too "either/or" binary-ish to
me. A lot of the radical unschooler things are things we do in our
lives -- mutual respect, etc., but we aren't total unschoolers, more
eclectic with unschooling tendencies. It seems to fit us -- my son
tells me, when I worry that I'm not doing right by him, that we are
doing fine. (He's a sweetie!) Is it possible that we are radically
un- umm... not sure what the term would be. Can't be unparenting,
because we are parents. I don't know -- maybe not un, but respectful
parenting?

Just some random thoughts, from someone who wishes she had never used
brick and mortar schools.

Linda

Ren Allen

"I don't know -- maybe not un, but respectful
parenting?"

Yes. All the terms are only useful in discussion, irl I don't really
make a bunch of distinctions. It IS nice to hang out with RU'rs
though...only because I can RELAX. I know they aren't going to judge
us harshly, I know we can be open about our lives (not that we ever
hide it) in a different way. It's great.

I'd like to know though, if you're respectfully parenting, why would
you make your child do schoolwork of any kind unless they asked for
it? Isn't respect about honoring the individual and not coercing anyone?

Ren
learninginfreedom.com

April Morris

It's also a process. I've been unschooling for years now, but I don't
unschool or parent now the way I did 5 years ago, 3 years ago or even 1 year
ago. My kids are growing and changing, I'm growing and changing.....it's
all a process. That's something I try to remember when I interact with other
unschoolers who are at a different point in the process than I am. It's
important to encourage each other to strive for more, but at the same time,
to respect each family where they are on the journey. A fine line sometimes.


~April
Mom to Kate-19, Lisa-17, Karl-14, & Ben-10.
*REACH Homeschool Grp, an inclusive group in Oakland County
http://www.reachhomeschool.com
* Michigan Unschoolers
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/michigan_unschoolers/
*Check out Chuck's art www.artkunst23.com
"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us."
Gandalf the Grey

On 3/28/06, trektheory <trektheory@...> wrote:
>
> I was reading the posts regarding the difference between unschooler
> and radical unschooler, and it seems too "either/or" binary-ish to
> me. A lot of the radical unschooler things are things we do in our
> lives -- mutual respect, etc., but we aren't total unschoolers, more
> eclectic with unschooling tendencies. It seems to fit us -- my son
> tells me, when I worry that I'm not doing right by him, that we are
> doing fine. (He's a sweetie!) Is it possible that we are radically
> un- umm... not sure what the term would be. Can't be unparenting,
> because we are parents. I don't know -- maybe not un, but respectful
> parenting?
>
> Just some random thoughts, from someone who wishes she had never used
> brick and mortar schools.
>
> Linda
>
>


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

aplan4life

Our home has been dramatically changed and call it backwards if you
will; but the radical parenting style as far as respecting the
children and their decisions has been easier than the whole
unschooling part.

Coming and observing the thoughts on this site regarding parenting and
treating children with respect has not only had a positive impact on
the children but also my hubby and I as parents. We are much more
careful than we used to be, we discuss rather than punish, although if
they are arguing heavily we'll send them to their rooms in order to
cool off before we try and discuss what has happened.

This IS beginning to trickle down in the area of schooling now. I too
am relaxed/eclectic and I'm finding that the more I read and learn,
the more relaxed and eclectic I get. Hollering at my son to the point
of tears for not doing his math right is but a distant memory. I
don't grade the kids at all and both of them actually love learning.
By no means is it the way kids are learning at school. My son is
reading Archimedes and the Door to Science and his retention of things
learned shows when he discussed, I'm learning from him. I've never
seen him so excited over a book before! HE has initiated experiments
because of this book. My daughter is reading The Secret Garden and
has been inspired to have a flower garden. Yesterday we went to
Walmart and she picked her own seeds and today we'll be starting them.

So, I am by no means an unschooler yet although the positive
influences from here have touched my entire family and have in turn
created the absolute, most happiest time in our lives.

~Sandy Winn



--- In [email protected], "trektheory"
<trektheory@...> wrote:
>
> I was reading the posts regarding the difference between unschooler
> and radical unschooler, and it seems too "either/or" binary-ish to
> me. A lot of the radical unschooler things are things we do in our
> lives -- mutual respect, etc., but we aren't total unschoolers, more
> eclectic with unschooling tendencies. It seems to fit us -- my son
> tells me, when I worry that I'm not doing right by him, that we are
> doing fine. (He's a sweetie!) Is it possible that we are radically
> un- umm... not sure what the term would be. Can't be unparenting,
> because we are parents. I don't know -- maybe not un, but respectful
> parenting?
>
> Just some random thoughts, from someone who wishes she had never used
> brick and mortar schools.
>
> Linda
>

[email protected]

In a message dated 3/29/2006 8:53:39 A.M. Eastern Standard Time,
klkb624@... writes:

It's also a process. I've been unschooling for years now, but I don't
unschool or parent now the way I did 5 years ago, 3 years ago or even 1 year
ago.


***********

I agree, April. Sometimes it is just the family needs and sometimes I
realize that I've been holding on to an old "tape". I didn't even realize that my
thinking was still stuck in school mode and something will happen to make me
aware of it.

****That's something I try to remember when I interact with other
unschoolers who are at a different point in the process than I am. It's
important to encourage each other to strive for more, but at the same time,
to respect each family where they are on the journey. A fine line
sometimes.*****

I remember when I first started unschooling, my kids were little and our
world was all about ABC's and 123's. It didn't really look that different from
a typical preschool/kindergarten experience. In my mind, unschooling
learning sometimes looks like school learning. I said something to that effect on
one of the boards and I got blasted!! I was so confused and got my feelings
hurt. It would have been nice if someone had said, "yes, occasionally it does
happen that way, but sometimes it looks absolutely nothing like school!"

OK, that made no sense. I'm just agreeing with April! :)

Leslie in SC


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

In a message dated 3/29/2006 8:53:45 AM Eastern Standard Time,
klkb624@... writes:


> It's also a process. I've been unschooling for years now, but I don't
> unschool or parent now the way I did 5 years ago, 3 years ago or even 1 year
> ago. My kids are growing and changing, I'm growing and changing.....it's
> all a process. That's something I try to remember when I interact with other
> unschoolers who are at a different point in the process than I am. It's
> important to encourage each other to strive for more, but at the same time,
> to respect each family where they are on the journey. A

***We've only been hsing for a little over a yr. now, we decided to let us
all deschool and take a BIG, MUCH NEEDED break right from the start and that led
on to unschooling. (I wish so badly that we would have done this from the
beginning! We are loving it) I can see the changes taking place in our whole
family almost on a daily basis. It is a process, we are all at different places
in our lives with unschooling and I thank you for what you just said April, I
appreciate your respect and kindness.

Nancy



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

trektheory

--- In [email protected], "Ren Allen"
<starsuncloud@...> wrote:
>
>
> I'd like to know though, if you're respectfully parenting, why
would
> you make your child do schoolwork of any kind unless they asked for
> it? Isn't respect about honoring the individual and not coercing
anyone?
>
> Ren
> learninginfreedom.com
>

A couple reasons -- he gets bored and antsy without some direction.
Some of it is stuff he asked to learn about, but he is the kind of
kid that likes goals. We approach it, though, as a partnership.
Often, I view us as co-learners, because I am filling in a number of
my own HUGE gaps. Some of it, he is explaining to me, because, to
be honest, he is smarter than I am. He does like to learn -- but
computer games are very enticing, too, and he would probably spend
15 hours a day playing Runescape. (Hey, he needs to eat and sleep
some, too!)

I view it for our family, somewhat as the same as discipline. The
goal of discipline isn't punishment, but to develop self-discipline,
so that when you need to do something, you can. Or avoid doing
something, in some cases. When my son was in school (through 5th
grade), he learned unintended lessons, one of which was to be
unfocused. I only just realized this recently, through a discussion
with someone else, that it wasn't his natural inclination to
constantly daydream, but an effect of having been a disengaged
learner. Even though the school (a small private school) TRIED to
enrich his curriculum, it wasn't right for him. I know if it
weren't for the fact that the principal understood some of the
issues involved, the schools could easily have tried to slap the ADD
label on him. The symptoms are very similar, but being bored out of
your mind is not the same cause, or cure. I'm delighted that my son
has figured out that he is a morning person (I knew for ages, but he
didn't accept it, and I didn't debate the point), and is now, with
the arrangement he initiated, developing (redeveloping, I suppose,
since he used to have it) focus.

Kids REALLY need to come with instruction manuals. They are all so
unique, interesting, and the supposed guidelines are not much of a
guide sometimes, are they? It's like when I have read discussions
and such on learning styles. I really can't say what my son's
learning style is -- maybe multi-faceted. I felt like a bad mom for
that. (I felt like a bad mom when I hid the coloring books when he
was little, too. Wouldn't color in them, but asked me to read them
to him. Do you have any idea how BORING they are to read? But his
view of books was, you read 'em. Sigh. Well, we are at a different
stage now.)

My son is the kid who always asked me questions that I couldn't
answer, that both my base of knowledge and his were inadequate to
the explanations. But he isn't self-propelled to gather the
knowledge on his own, never really has been. (For an only child, he
is a very social learner!) I think I need to get Steven Hawkings as
a mentor for him....

Linda

trektheory

Process, that's a great word!

I suspect that, 5 yrs ago, I could never have envisioned what my
life right now would be like, and I have a hard (really really hard)
time grasping 5 yrs from now. That would be the last of the teen
years for my son.... Gulp.

Kids grow too darned fast. How can he be 14 when it is obviously
much less than 14 yrs since I gave birth? ;-)

Linda

--- In [email protected], "April Morris"
<klkb624@...> wrote:
>
> It's also a process. I've been unschooling for years now, but I
don't
> unschool or parent now the way I did 5 years ago, 3 years ago or
even 1 year
> ago. My kids are growing and changing, I'm growing and
changing.....it's
> all a process. That's something I try to remember when I interact
with other
> unschoolers who are at a different point in the process than I am.
It's
> important to encourage each other to strive for more, but at the
same time,
> to respect each family where they are on the journey. A fine line
sometimes.
>
>
> ~April
> Mom to Kate-19, Lisa-17, Karl-14, & Ben-10.
> *REACH Homeschool Grp, an inclusive group in Oakland County
> http://www.reachhomeschool.com
> * Michigan Unschoolers
> http://groups.yahoo.com/group/michigan_unschoolers/
> *Check out Chuck's art www.artkunst23.com
> "All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given
to us."
> Gandalf the Grey
>

trektheory

--- In [email protected], "aplan4life"
<aplan4life@...> wrote:
>
> This IS beginning to trickle down in the area of schooling now. I
too
> am relaxed/eclectic and I'm finding that the more I read and learn,
> the more relaxed and eclectic I get. Hollering at my son to the
point
> of tears for not doing his math right is but a distant memory.

Yeah, I remember when we first started hsing, butting heads with my
son, then pulling myself back and remembering that he WANTS to
learn, I was just approaching it wrong for him. After I found a
better approach for that particular concept, things were easier for
him. And me.


>I
> don't grade the kids at all and both of them actually love
learning.

I don't for somethings, but I find the feedback of whether a problem
is right or wrong is useful in math and science (chem this year for
us.) But I don't use A,B,C grading -- I figure we are going for
mastery, so if it is a C, it isn't mastered, and we don't move on,
therefore.... But my son is a real "guy" as far as numbers and
quantifying, so sometimes he likes that sort of thing, too.



> By no means is it the way kids are learning at school. My son is
> reading Archimedes and the Door to Science and his retention of
things
> learned shows when he discussed, I'm learning from him.

I remember hating history when I was a kid -- names, dates, boring!
But my son is the one who asked to learn about WWII, and then the
Cold War, and next he wants to learn WWI -- all stuff I missed
through moves in school. We are both learning so much, and really
enjoy our discussions of it. The funniest thing was when we were
watching some WWII videos from the library -- they were made during
the war era for the new recruits. It was SO weird for this cold war
child to watch these things saying things like, "The Russian people
are fighting for their freedom..." And the Russians were shown
going to churches. Yeah, Stalin was big on freedom and religion!
And then similar with China. Bizarre, but made an interesting
backdrop for discussion!


I've never
> seen him so excited over a book before! HE has initiated
experiments
> because of this book.

Very cool! I've worried about my son's reading -- the years of
school's reading requirements and reading incentive programs more or
less killed his love of reading that he started with. Then he was
always choosing to reread simple books (mind you, he is a very good
reader), etc. I finally realized it is more a matter of finding the
right books for him. He whipped through Digital Fortress within a
day or two -- and that is not a "kid" book. But it had codes and
such, a keen interest of his. Finding the books that will pull him
in is a tougher issue, though. There just aren't too many on codes,
the enigma machine, fractals, or nebulous other interests.

Linda

[email protected]

>>I remember when I first started unschooling, my kids were little and our world was all about ABC's and 123's. It didn't really look that different from a typical preschool/kindergarten experience. In my mind, unschooling learning sometimes looks like school learning. >>

I was thinking this morning how different my home looks now that my kids are older (12 and 16). We used to have things like maps of the continents and an interactive calendar up on the wall. There were ABC strips and a rotating series of interesting wall charts. It was no more important than the cartoons, Hamtaro and Gundam Wing posters, but it was up there. Now my home is just...decorated. :-o

Of course we still have tons of art, craft supplies, books, magazines, games, computers, pets, projects, DVD's, electronics, creativity and support all around.


--
~Mary

"The miracle is not to walk on water. The miracle is to walk on the
green earth, dwelling deeply in the present moment and feeling truly
alive."
~Thich Nhat Hanh

-------------- Original message ----------------------
From: Leslie530@...