[email protected]

>>Do alot of boys test this way? >>

I think all kids will test in one way or another. These stories of hairplay are really cool.

I do want to caution new unschoolers about thinking they need to change everything all at once though. I'm not a big fan of announcing to the kids that the "rules are over." (Not saying that anyone actually did that here.) That can leave a child feeling like they had the rug pulled out from underneath them. The testing can then go to extremes that leave the parents frustrated, tired and declaring that unschooling isn't working.

I've found it worked better for us to ease into the more relaxed posture of unschooling. I didn't really tell my kids much except that we were homeschooling. What I did do was become more conscious of my reaction and response as each situation came up. I would examine each rule or routine. Did we need it? What would happen if we changed it? Were the kids comfortable with it? Was it achieving the desired result? In that way we slowly tweaked our household without throwing anyone into a tizzy from too much freedom too abrubtly. Even a fabulous way of life can feel overwhelming and confusing at first.

So, that's not to discourage or criticize the wonderful posts about the boys cutting their hair. I just wanted to remind folks that unschooling is a journey and you don't have to get there today. Just keep on the path.

--
~Mary

"The miracle is not to walk on water. The miracle is to walk on the
green earth, dwelling deeply in the present moment and feeling truly
alive."
~Thich Nhat Hanh

-------------- Original message ----------------------
From: happyfallingleaf@...

Paige

> I've found it worked better for us to ease into the more relaxed
posture of unschooling. I just wanted to remind folks that
unschooling is a journey and you don't have to get there today. Just
keep on the path.
> ~Mary


Applause!! I totally agree with this. A lot of times someone new
to unschooling starts by relaxing some, but when they say this to
unschoolers they are blown out of the water, so to speak, and told
they are not really unschooling, ect, ect. You have to keep in mind
that all children learn differently and all families are different,
therefore everyone's unschooling adventure will be different.
When we first began we stopped doing the main body of
schoolwork...the things I had to keep after them all the time
about..."Do your math...do your math...do your math." We did,
however, keep the history curriculum we were using, because we were
all enjoying it so much.
As we all got more used (?) to the concept we have relaxed more and
more. The first week we did no time limits on tv I almost went
crazy with the constant noise. :)
But, as I started out saying, I agree with Mary. No need to try to
finish the journey the first day. :)

wifetovegman2002

--- In [email protected], "Paige"
<paigehughes1972@...> wrote:
>
> > I've found it worked better for us to ease into the more relaxed
> posture of unschooling. I just wanted to remind folks that
> unschooling is a journey and you don't have to get there today. Just
> keep on the path.
> > ~Mary
>
>
> Applause!! I totally agree with this.
<<snipped>>
> But, as I started out saying, I agree with Mary. No need to try to
> finish the journey the first day. :)
>

I used to agree with this, but I am not sure I do any more, after four
years of unschooling.

Every day not spent completely unschooling is one day longer your
children spend not living in complete freedom. Everyday spent doing
"a little bit" of school is one more day that is lost and not unschooling.

No one in chains wants them to be removed one link at a time.

To choose not to do something, even though you know it is right, or to
choose to keep doing something that in your heart you know is wrong
is...well...wrong.

The part that is gradual is the enlightenment on the part of the
parents, not the release of the children from those fetters. As you
see more areas of your life to allow unschooling to penetrate, you
should open the doors, not bar them shut.


Susan M (VA)
http://radicalchristianunschool.homestead.com/index.html

"Real, natural learning is in the living. It's in the observing, the
questioning, the examining, the pondering, the analyzing, the
watching, the reading, the DO-ing, the living, the breathing, the
loving, the Joy. It's in the Joy." ~Anne Ohman

[email protected]

>> >I've found it worked better for us to ease into the more relaxed posture of unschooling.>> >

>>I used to agree with this, but I am not sure I do any more, after four years of unschooling. Every day not spent completely unschooling is one day longer your children spend not living in complete freedom. Everyday spent doing "a little bit" of school is one more day that is lost and not unschooling.>>

Perhaps I should change my original sentence to "I've found it worked better for us to ease intothe more relaxed posture of *radical* unschooling."

I completely recommend dropping the schoolwork as soon as you make the decision to unschool. Move away from the darkness and towards the light as it were. ;-)

But in terms of parenting by principles rather than rules, I think it too often gets misinterpreted and jumped into without complete understanding. It's the part about announcing to the kids that there are no more rules that I think can end in trouble for all. I'm not saying to keep a bunch of rigid rules. Certainly not. Live mindfully. Parent mindfully. Think about the why behind any rules and act accordingly.

Does that make sense?

--
~Mary

"The miracle is not to walk on water. The miracle is to walk on the
green earth, dwelling deeply in the present moment and feeling truly
alive."
~Thich Nhat Hanh

-------------- Original message ----------------------
From: "wifetovegman2002" <wifeto.vegman@...>





[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

>>A lot of times someone new to unschooling starts by relaxing some, but when they say this to unschoolers they are blown out of the water, so to speak, and told they are not really unschooling, ect, ect.>>

Well...I generally try not to blow people out of the water. <g> Relaxing some is certainly better than not relaxing at all. It is a step in the right direction afterall.

I kept doing a few schooly things when Conor first came out of school. It was all I knew and I thought he enjoyed them. We dropped them pretty quickly though and it wasn't necessarily the best way. So knowing what I know now, I do suggest dropping the schoolwork completely and taking a break for new *wanting to unschool* families.

>>When we first began we stopped doing the main body of
schoolwork...the things I had to keep after them all the time
about..."Do your math...do your math...do your math." We did,
however, keep the history curriculum we were using, because we were all enjoying it so much.>>

The one problem I could foresee is that it would be harder to see the learning happening elsewhere if you were still clinging to a piece of the curriculum. That doesn't mean I'd take away something if the kids were asking for it. But I'd definately let it end naturally as soon as possible. I think it's an important first step to deschool. Take that vacation from academics and see the world through a different lens.

>>As we all got more used (?) to the concept we have relaxed more and more. The first week we did no time limits on tv I almost went crazy with the constant noise. :)>>

That's the more radical part of it that I was talking about. I think when families abrubtly turn around everything they've been doing with their kids it can be unsettling. Kids don't need to be told that the family is using principles instead of rules. But rather parents need to be mindfully, if quietly, working towards that goal with each action they take.


--
~Mary, unschooling mom to Conor (16) and Casey (12)

"Just today I'm going to be utterly present for my children, I'm going to be in their world (not just doing my own thing while they do theirs), I'm going to really hear them, I'm going to prepare myself to be present starting right now."
~Ren Allen

Paige

> The part that is gradual is the enlightenment on the part of the
> parents,
But as Mary pointed out, a lot of parents feel in over their heads
and decide unschooling isn't working. Going in slowly so as not to
be overwhelmed makes more sense. Naturally, as you learn more/read
more *feel your way* more you become more relaxed. (I am talking
here about parents who have had children in ps or have been
doing "strict" homeschooling.) Imagine, if you will, being tossed
off into the deep end of the pool, as opposed to walking down the
steps and trying out different things before you swim. Maybe you can
learn to swim both ways, but the first way you are a LOT more likely
to get scared and get out of the water as quickly as possible and
not try again. Aren't we here to ENCOURAGE new unschoolers to get
their feet wet and eventually to swim...not to scare them off?
> As you
> see more areas of your life to allow unschooling to penetrate, you
> should open the doors, not bar them shut.
Who suggested anyone bar doors shut? All I said was to allow new
unschoolers to take it slowly and for older unschoolers to not to
blast newer ones for easing in instead of jumping. I have noticed a
lot of veteran unschoolers who say, "This way or else." There is no
set of rules for unschooling...it is whatever works for your
family...child-driven...delight-driven...life living... What you do
now will probably change by next year. As you read more about
unschooling new doors open in your mind...for example, you begin by
ending forced teaching, that's a good first step. Second, you might
end tv/computer time limits. Then you may decide chores are
unnecessary and getting in the way of a relaxed lifestyle. Little
steps, but necessary to make the transition. Families are so
different, I don't believe there could be ONE way to unschool for
everyone. As the ones who have been unschooling longer, it is up to
us to present unschooling as something do-able...eat the elephant
one bite at a time, as it were.
If you are able to just jump in, that is wonderful! The sooner you
release your children the better. But, not everyone will be able
to. Some have outside issues (ex-husbands, for example), or some
are fighting battles in their own homes (husbands, for example).
Each step toward unschooling is better than doing nothing.
I guess what I'm trying to say is better to take baby steps and
become an unschooler than to jump in, get wet, then decide it
doesn't work because it was too overwhelming.
I know I have rambled terribly...I apologize, I have just taken a
headache pill and it has made me woozy.
Paige

aplan4life

> But in terms of parenting by principles rather than rules, I think
it too often gets misinterpreted and jumped into without complete
understanding. It's the part about announcing to the kids that there
are no more rules that I think can end in trouble for all. I'm not
saying to keep a bunch of rigid rules. Certainly not. Live mindfully.
Parent mindfully. Think about the why behind any rules and act
accordingly.
>
> Does that make sense?

It totally makes sense! This is one area from you all that I was the
most comfortable with implementing in our home and I must say that it
has worked beautifully. :-) I never announced 'no rules' but the
kids did notice that they were no longer made to go to bed at a
certain time. It's funny because 8yo dd could stay up all night but
usually goes to bed when DH and I do. 11yo ds, OTH, when he is
tired...that is it, he's off to bed whether it's 8 or 11, usually it's
about 9. The trust issue was made visible to me in this area and
others as well.

We have a ways to go still as I am sure there are areas that we could
use improvement on but it's coming along much better.

~Sandy Winn