S Drag-teine

I had an epiphany about two nights ago that may be a duh moment for many of
you but it has lead to my question so let me give the background first and I
will try to make it short.

We have been working on food issues for as long as my son has been alive -
mostly dealing with our own issues and trying to keep them from being passed
on to out children. Well, last night I caught just a segment of Bernie Mac
and the youngest child had thrown a tantrum about not being able to get a
particular cereal and then in the car wanted ice cream. They wouldn't get it
for her because she was "being bad."

We don't use food as a "band aide" but sometimes we do use it as a reward or
punishment which I think is just as bad. I had a discussion with my DH about
it and he said if our son was "acting up" that he wouldn't reward him by
getting him ice cream. I said "ice cream is just food. It is no different
then if he asked for a cheese burger."

We talked more about it but I don't think I made him understand. He knows
that I have been letting go on some control issues and has seen the
improvement in the kids as well as me. Those that don't control food in
their house - do you find that you still use food as reward, punishment or
"band aide"? Any thoughts on how I can better explain to my DH about this
issue?

Shannon

Deb

--- In [email protected], "S Drag-teine"
<dragteine@...> wrote:
>Those that don't control food in
> their house - do you find that you still use food as reward,
>punishment or
> "band aide"? Any thoughts on how I can better explain to my DH
>about >this
> issue?
>
> Shannon
>
We don't for a pretty simple reason: if food isn't held out as
a 'treat', it kind of loses power to be a reward or punishment. I
will, for my slow-to-transition DS, mention that "we can stop at the
mini-mart on the way home if you want", not as a reward for leaving
but more as a "we're going to..." rather than "we're leaving..."
since the leaving can be hard on him but going to someplace is
easier. If he has already mentioned a stop at the mini mart as
something he'd like to do at some point in the day's plans, we might
mention "you need to wear your shoes if you still want to go into
the mini mart" or "we need to leave so we'll have time before xyz to
stop at the mini mart". Neither reward nor punishment, just info,
same as I might tell DH "if you still want to stop and pick up x at
the q, we need to leave now or we'll miss/be late to z."

Also, when we notice his behavior is going in a certain direction,
we might mention "you seem like you need to eat something. How about
I make a PBJ for you. What kind of jam do you want?" Again, not
reward or punishment or even really band aid - it's not trying to
patch his emotions but rather help him manage them more readily (he
tends to get easily frustrated, lose focus, be more emotionally
shaky if he hasn't eaten for too long).

As far as talking to your DH about it, I can't really help all that
much since my DH is right on board with this whole thing. Things to
maybe bring up in discussion would include your/his background with
this (how did you feel when...? when I was a kid I felt...when ...)

--Deb

Joanne

--- In [email protected], "S Drag-teine"
<dragteine@...> wrote:
>>>> We don't use food as a "band aide" but sometimes we do use it
as a reward or punishment which I think is just as bad. >>>>

Personally, I think using food as a reward or worse yet, a
punishment, may develop into an eating disorder.

>>>Those that don't control food in their house - do you find that
you still use food as reward, punishment or "band aide"? Any
thoughts on how I can better explain to my DH about this issue?>>>>

No, I don't use food as anything except as something to eat. Maybe
you could print out some of the threads here and he can read them in
his own time. There's also a book called Punished by Rewards that
may help him.

Good luck!

~ Joanne ~
Mom to Jacqueline (7), Shawna (10) & Cimion (13)
Adopted into our hearts October 30, 2003
http://anunschoolinglife.blogspot.com/

Su Penn

On Mar 23, 2006, at 4:24 PM, Joanne wrote:

>>>> Those that don't control food in their house - do you find that
> you still use food as reward, punishment or "band aide"? Any
> thoughts on how I can better explain to my DH about this issue?>>>>

Even as relatively "mainstream" a book as Penelope Leach's Your Baby
and Child talks about using food just as food. Perhaps that would be
a helpful resource for someone just dipping toes in...if flat-out
unschooly stuff might be too threatening.

Su

Lesa McMahon-Lowe

My DH still tries to use food as a reward to my DD. I get on him every
time I see him do it! I have food issues and I don't want my DD having them
He has gotten better but he still has a way to go.

Lesa

-------Original Message-------

From: Su Penn
Date: 03/23/06 16:56:55
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] Re: Food control


On Mar 23, 2006, at 4:24 PM, Joanne wrote:

>>>> Those that don't control food in their house - do you find that
> you still use food as reward, punishment or "band aide"? Any
> thoughts on how I can better explain to my DH about this issue?>>>>

Even as relatively "mainstream" a book as Penelope Leach's Your Baby
and Child talks about using food just as food. Perhaps that would be
a helpful resource for someone just dipping toes in...if flat-out
unschooly stuff might be too threatening.

Su



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