apology on safety issues
[email protected]
I want to, and need to, apologize for my terse outburst over the seatbelt
issue. That, and the dentist, are trigger issues for me because of real life
experiences that were terrifying, and led to sadly unpleasant long term strife.
When I reread my post today, I was surprised at how angry and fearful it
sounded. I know that I am angry and fearful and depressed, but I was surprised that
it leaked so heavily into my post! I am stuck in a loop of 'avoiding agony',
so a logical philosophical question turned into a diatribe on life and death
extremes. Sorry, for bringing my baggage along here.
As Shannon, who is rather new to unschooling, was asking about the
temperament and habits of other unschooling parents on safety topics, somehow my demons
were unleashed.
I was not suggesting that anyone force or coerce a child to do anything, but
that the adults set the standard and must figure how to make it work, and not
drive until it is safe as can be, within our power. So I was agreeing with
Shannon's perspective. It was the other mom's complaint, arguing to let her kid
be unbuckled while in someone else's car, that really set me off. [And what
would any of us seatbelt advocates do, if instead, the other mom had been the
driver? If we were riding with a family who, we discovered on the spot, did not
buckle in? It is their car and their choice. I would still ride along that
one time, buckled in, without making a scene. But probably not ever again,
without some discussion about it]
Other than a few times when my kids were infants rejecting their carseats, we
rarely had battles over seat restraints. As infants, there was no reasoning
conversation to be had, only the empathetic energy of mother and child. So we
might sit in the car nursing and listening to music, or play babygames, or take
a catnap until we could drive safely. Several times I repositioned the
carseat or cover, and it seemed to help. No big deal. The buckles were as necessary
as the key, to get the motor running. When they were older, if there was
resistance to getting in the car, it was about a real stuff that we tried to deal
with in the moment, negotiating rather than enforcing.
For me, as a long time unschooler, the real struggle happens when a child's
absolute refusal conflicts with some kind of real deadline. If that occurs once
in a while, each situation is different and adaptable. If it is occurring
every week, then IMO, it is up to the parent to get to the root reality, and to
adjust their own schedule, or their attitude, or the overall atmosphere as
necessary, without relinquishing anyone's safety.
Again sorry for the tirade. I usually wait overnight, and reread or edit,
before posting emotional responses anywhere.
Robin
issue. That, and the dentist, are trigger issues for me because of real life
experiences that were terrifying, and led to sadly unpleasant long term strife.
When I reread my post today, I was surprised at how angry and fearful it
sounded. I know that I am angry and fearful and depressed, but I was surprised that
it leaked so heavily into my post! I am stuck in a loop of 'avoiding agony',
so a logical philosophical question turned into a diatribe on life and death
extremes. Sorry, for bringing my baggage along here.
As Shannon, who is rather new to unschooling, was asking about the
temperament and habits of other unschooling parents on safety topics, somehow my demons
were unleashed.
I was not suggesting that anyone force or coerce a child to do anything, but
that the adults set the standard and must figure how to make it work, and not
drive until it is safe as can be, within our power. So I was agreeing with
Shannon's perspective. It was the other mom's complaint, arguing to let her kid
be unbuckled while in someone else's car, that really set me off. [And what
would any of us seatbelt advocates do, if instead, the other mom had been the
driver? If we were riding with a family who, we discovered on the spot, did not
buckle in? It is their car and their choice. I would still ride along that
one time, buckled in, without making a scene. But probably not ever again,
without some discussion about it]
Other than a few times when my kids were infants rejecting their carseats, we
rarely had battles over seat restraints. As infants, there was no reasoning
conversation to be had, only the empathetic energy of mother and child. So we
might sit in the car nursing and listening to music, or play babygames, or take
a catnap until we could drive safely. Several times I repositioned the
carseat or cover, and it seemed to help. No big deal. The buckles were as necessary
as the key, to get the motor running. When they were older, if there was
resistance to getting in the car, it was about a real stuff that we tried to deal
with in the moment, negotiating rather than enforcing.
For me, as a long time unschooler, the real struggle happens when a child's
absolute refusal conflicts with some kind of real deadline. If that occurs once
in a while, each situation is different and adaptable. If it is occurring
every week, then IMO, it is up to the parent to get to the root reality, and to
adjust their own schedule, or their attitude, or the overall atmosphere as
necessary, without relinquishing anyone's safety.
Again sorry for the tirade. I usually wait overnight, and reread or edit,
before posting emotional responses anywhere.
Robin
[email protected]
>>When I reread my post today, I was surprised at how angry and fearful it sounded. I know that I am angry and fearful and depressed, but I was surprised that it leaked so heavily into my post!>>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Robin}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
Hugs Robin. I'm sorry you're feeling depressed. Can we help? I've been there, believe me!!
--
~Mary
"The miracle is not to walk on water. The miracle is to walk on the
green earth, dwelling deeply in the present moment and feeling truly
alive."
~Thich Nhat Hanh
-------------- Original message ----------------------
From: robinstempo@...