streetresearcher

I've been reading everything I can find on unschooling. I've been
changing my thought process and realize this is a lifestyle change. My
husband and I stayed up till 2 talking last night. We had alot of mental
breakthroughs. Realizing that we need to give the kids their lives back
and we can easily see many things we've been doing wrong. We came to the
conclusion that our fears about unschooling aren't about the kids but
about our personal selves.

There are still some real life happening that we are unsure about how to
deal with.

The first being that my son would like his friends to stay over on Fri.
night. The major problem, is they always use my DH as the chauffer. This
Fri. he happens to be working overtime and will be exhausted. We are
unsure how we are to handle this. It's not just my DH picking this boy
up, it's also interferring with the Sat. plans.

The second thing we are having trouble getting our mind around happened
this past Sat. We had a party and 4 children stayed over. Between 1 a.m.
and 8:30 a.m. They devoured most of the food and drinks in the house. My
children didn't partake in the feeding frenzy but they didn't put a stop
to it. What should our response have been? These kids are all public
school kids and have very little sense of selfcontrol.

Remember that we are new to this way of thinking and are wanting to
change our mind-set and responses. We are just unsure about what a
healthy response is.

Thanks for any advice you can give.

Charlene

Melissa

How old is your son? Can you simply explain to him that Dad is working
a lot and is tired? My ten and twelve year olds understand these
things. Can the friend's parents pick him up early Saturday am so that
his staying over won't interfere with Saturday plans?

As far as friends being disrespectful (eating everything in the house)
if your son can't talk to them about this, then you'll have to do it.
If it happens more than once with a particular friend, I would not let
that friend stay over anymore. You would not allow your children to
disrepect you in that way and you should not allow your childrens
friends to either.

Sorry, If I sound abrupt but unschooling doesn't mean that you are a
slave to your children. You are a family. At our house that means that
we are a team and everyone has to work together to make it a pleasant
place to live and be.

Take Care,
Melissa in Oregon









--- In [email protected], "streetresearcher"
<happyfallingleaf@...> wrote:
>
>
> I've been reading everything I can find on unschooling. I've been
> changing my thought process and realize this is a lifestyle change. My
> husband and I stayed up till 2 talking last night. We had alot of mental
> breakthroughs. Realizing that we need to give the kids their lives back
> and we can easily see many things we've been doing wrong. We came to the
> conclusion that our fears about unschooling aren't about the kids but
> about our personal selves.
>
> There are still some real life happening that we are unsure about how to
> deal with.
>
> The first being that my son would like his friends to stay over on Fri.
> night. The major problem, is they always use my DH as the chauffer. This
> Fri. he happens to be working overtime and will be exhausted. We are
> unsure how we are to handle this. It's not just my DH picking this boy
> up, it's also interferring with the Sat. plans.
>
> The second thing we are having trouble getting our mind around happened
> this past Sat. We had a party and 4 children stayed over. Between 1 a.m.
> and 8:30 a.m. They devoured most of the food and drinks in the house. My
> children didn't partake in the feeding frenzy but they didn't put a stop
> to it. What should our response have been? These kids are all public
> school kids and have very little sense of selfcontrol.
>
> Remember that we are new to this way of thinking and are wanting to
> change our mind-set and responses. We are just unsure about what a
> healthy response is.
>
> Thanks for any advice you can give.
>
> Charlene
>

[email protected]

It is important to remember that the goal is for ALL household members to feel respected and honored. If DH is going to be exhausted and not want to drive the kids around, discuss it ahead of time. Could alternate plans be made? Could the date be changed? Could another parent drive?

For the next sleepover, you might take your kids on a shopping trip just for the food for the sleepover. Have them pick whatever and how much they think they will need. Then set out a buffet in the sleepover room. Tell the kids to let you know if they are running low on anything.

Julie S.

----- Original Message -----
From: streetresearcher <happyfallingleaf@...>
Date: Thursday, March 9, 2006 7:59 am
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] I'm new and unsure

>
> I've been reading everything I can find on unschooling. I've been
> changing my thought process and realize this is a lifestyle
> change. My
> husband and I stayed up till 2 talking last night. We had alot of
> mentalbreakthroughs. Realizing that we need to give the kids their
> lives back
> and we can easily see many things we've been doing wrong. We came
> to the
> conclusion that our fears about unschooling aren't about the kids but
> about our personal selves.
>
> There are still some real life happening that we are unsure about
> how to
> deal with.
>
> The first being that my son would like his friends to stay over on
> Fri.night. The major problem, is they always use my DH as the
> chauffer. This
> Fri. he happens to be working overtime and will be exhausted. We are
> unsure how we are to handle this. It's not just my DH picking this boy
> up, it's also interferring with the Sat. plans.
>
> The second thing we are having trouble getting our mind around
> happenedthis past Sat. We had a party and 4 children stayed over.
> Between 1 a.m.
> and 8:30 a.m. They devoured most of the food and drinks in the
> house. My
> children didn't partake in the feeding frenzy but they didn't put
> a stop
> to it. What should our response have been? These kids are all public
> school kids and have very little sense of selfcontrol.
>
> Remember that we are new to this way of thinking and are wanting to
> change our mind-set and responses. We are just unsure about what a
> healthy response is.
>
> Thanks for any advice you can give.
>
> Charlene
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> Yahoo! Groups Links
>
>
>
>
>
>
>

[email protected]

Thank you both for replying to me. It has really helped DH and I to hear our
own thoughts echoed back. I guess we were feeling a bit overwhelmed. You
have both put everything into perspective for us.
Thanks so much. I'm so glad there is support out there for us, knowing that
there is going to be many more times we are unsure.
Charlene


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

marsaili

From: [email protected]
[mailto:[email protected]] On Behalf Of Melissa
Sent: Thursday, March 09, 2006 8:13 PM
To: [email protected]
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Re: I'm new and unsure

Sorry, If I sound abrupt but unschooling doesn't mean that you are a
slave to your children. You are a family. At our house that means that
we are a team and everyone has to work together to make it a pleasant
place to live and be.

Take Care,
Melissa in Oregon

Thank you so much Melissa for making this point! I mentioned on another
list these same points and I was told to shut up, I was told that as long as
I have
that attitude, I will never be an unschooler. I was told that I should not
be posting to the list, I should just read--basically I was treated like
crap for saying
these exact things--and it made me feel so badly that I almost considered
giving up on unschooling because if this is how unschooling
adults treated each other, did I really want to be one myself? In my house
we are also a team, we work together to keep things going, we help each
other
when needed and we strive for daily/monthly/yearly goals together to make
life more pleasant. I thought this was a positive thing, but I was told
that
as long as I expected my children to do anything around the house, I wasn't
an unschooler and I was pretty much accused of being a terrible parent since
I should be happy to handle all the housework and chores myself as a gift to
my kids. I love my kids to death and would do anything for them---but there
are 6
of them and one of me and not enough hours in the day to do everything
around here by myself.

I just wanted to let you know how happy I am to see that others feel and
think the way I do, thank you so much!

Leslie:-)









--- In [email protected], "streetresearcher"
<happyfallingleaf@...> wrote:
>
>
> I've been reading everything I can find on unschooling. I've been
> changing my thought process and realize this is a lifestyle change. My
> husband and I stayed up till 2 talking last night. We had alot of mental
> breakthroughs. Realizing that we need to give the kids their lives back
> and we can easily see many things we've been doing wrong. We came to the
> conclusion that our fears about unschooling aren't about the kids but
> about our personal selves.
>
> There are still some real life happening that we are unsure about how to
> deal with.
>
> The first being that my son would like his friends to stay over on Fri.
> night. The major problem, is they always use my DH as the chauffer. This
> Fri. he happens to be working overtime and will be exhausted. We are
> unsure how we are to handle this. It's not just my DH picking this boy
> up, it's also interferring with the Sat. plans.
>
> The second thing we are having trouble getting our mind around happened
> this past Sat. We had a party and 4 children stayed over. Between 1 a.m.
> and 8:30 a.m. They devoured most of the food and drinks in the house. My
> children didn't partake in the feeding frenzy but they didn't put a stop
> to it. What should our response have been? These kids are all public
> school kids and have very little sense of selfcontrol.
>
> Remember that we are new to this way of thinking and are wanting to
> change our mind-set and responses. We are just unsure about what a
> healthy response is.
>
> Thanks for any advice you can give.
>
> Charlene
>







SPONSORED LINKS
Secondary
<http://groups.yahoo.com/gads?t=ms&k=Secondary+school+education&w1=Secondary
+school+education&w2=Graduate+school+education&w3=Home+school+education&w4=G
raduate+school+education+online&w5=High+school+education&w6=Chicago+school+e
ducation&c=6&s=185&.sig=ZmtJ9eV8jDgLVf_rQitp3g> school education
Graduate
<http://groups.yahoo.com/gads?t=ms&k=Graduate+school+education&w1=Secondary+
school+education&w2=Graduate+school+education&w3=Home+school+education&w4=Gr
aduate+school+education+online&w5=High+school+education&w6=Chicago+school+ed
ucation&c=6&s=185&.sig=_ar44lA2aVf7qUVJT2dfbA> school education Home
<http://groups.yahoo.com/gads?t=ms&k=Home+school+education&w1=Secondary+scho
ol+education&w2=Graduate+school+education&w3=Home+school+education&w4=Gradua
te+school+education+online&w5=High+school+education&w6=Chicago+school+educat
ion&c=6&s=185&.sig=igfV0UPAcfSvC6KUmUYY6w> school education
Graduate
<http://groups.yahoo.com/gads?t=ms&k=Graduate+school+education+online&w1=Sec
ondary+school+education&w2=Graduate+school+education&w3=Home+school+educatio
n&w4=Graduate+school+education+online&w5=High+school+education&w6=Chicago+sc
hool+education&c=6&s=185&.sig=OHt1qK6J19R35_4ff-oJHg> school education
online High
<http://groups.yahoo.com/gads?t=ms&k=High+school+education&w1=Secondary+scho
ol+education&w2=Graduate+school+education&w3=Home+school+education&w4=Gradua
te+school+education+online&w5=High+school+education&w6=Chicago+school+educat
ion&c=6&s=185&.sig=BV3EOkp5uIRJ0eqRAZQNcw> school education Chicago
<http://groups.yahoo.com/gads?t=ms&k=Chicago+school+education&w1=Secondary+s
chool+education&w2=Graduate+school+education&w3=Home+school+education&w4=Gra
duate+school+education+online&w5=High+school+education&w6=Chicago+school+edu
cation&c=6&s=185&.sig=pesFSb8HMcPS2_oNEoEwuw> school education

_____

YAHOO! GROUPS LINKS



* Visit your group "unschoolingbasics
<http://groups.yahoo.com/group/unschoolingbasics> " on the web.


* To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
[email protected]
<mailto:[email protected]?subject=Unsubscribe>


* Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service
<http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/> .


_____




[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

marsaili

From: [email protected]
[mailto:[email protected]] On Behalf Of Melissa
Sent: Thursday, March 09, 2006 8:13 PM
To: [email protected]
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Re: I'm new and unsure

Sorry, If I sound abrupt but unschooling doesn't mean that you are a
slave to your children. You are a family. At our house that means that
we are a team and everyone has to work together to make it a pleasant
place to live and be.

Take Care,
Melissa in Oregon

Thank you so much Melissa for making this point! I mentioned on another
list these same points and I was told to shut up, I was told that as long as
I have
that attitude, I will never be an unschooler. I was told that I should not
be posting to the list, I should just read--basically I was treated like
crap for saying
these exact things--and it made me feel so badly that I almost considered
giving up on unschooling because if this is how unschooling
adults treated each other, did I really want to be one myself? In my house
we are also a team, we work together to keep things going, we help each
other
when needed and we strive for daily/monthly/yearly goals together to make
life more pleasant. I thought this was a positive thing, but I was told
that
as long as I expected my children to do anything around the house, I wasn't
an unschooler and I was pretty much accused of being a terrible parent since
I should be happy to handle all the housework and chores myself as a gift to
my kids. I love my kids to death and would do anything for them---but there
are 6
of them and one of me and not enough hours in the day to do everything
around here by myself.

I just wanted to let you know how happy I am to see that others feel and
think the way I do, thank you so much!

Leslie:-)









--- In [email protected], "streetresearcher"
<happyfallingleaf@...> wrote:
>
>
> I've been reading everything I can find on unschooling. I've been
> changing my thought process and realize this is a lifestyle change. My
> husband and I stayed up till 2 talking last night. We had alot of mental
> breakthroughs. Realizing that we need to give the kids their lives back
> and we can easily see many things we've been doing wrong. We came to the
> conclusion that our fears about unschooling aren't about the kids but
> about our personal selves.
>
> There are still some real life happening that we are unsure about how to
> deal with.
>
> The first being that my son would like his friends to stay over on Fri.
> night. The major problem, is they always use my DH as the chauffer. This
> Fri. he happens to be working overtime and will be exhausted. We are
> unsure how we are to handle this. It's not just my DH picking this boy
> up, it's also interferring with the Sat. plans.
>
> The second thing we are having trouble getting our mind around happened
> this past Sat. We had a party and 4 children stayed over. Between 1 a.m.
> and 8:30 a.m. They devoured most of the food and drinks in the house. My
> children didn't partake in the feeding frenzy but they didn't put a stop
> to it. What should our response have been? These kids are all public
> school kids and have very little sense of selfcontrol.
>
> Remember that we are new to this way of thinking and are wanting to
> change our mind-set and responses. We are just unsure about what a
> healthy response is.
>
> Thanks for any advice you can give.
>
> Charlene
>







SPONSORED LINKS
Secondary
<http://groups.yahoo.com/gads?t=ms&k=Secondary+school+education&w1=Secondary
+school+education&w2=Graduate+school+education&w3=Home+school+education&w4=G
raduate+school+education+online&w5=High+school+education&w6=Chicago+school+e
ducation&c=6&s=185&.sig=ZmtJ9eV8jDgLVf_rQitp3g> school education
Graduate
<http://groups.yahoo.com/gads?t=ms&k=Graduate+school+education&w1=Secondary+
school+education&w2=Graduate+school+education&w3=Home+school+education&w4=Gr
aduate+school+education+online&w5=High+school+education&w6=Chicago+school+ed
ucation&c=6&s=185&.sig=_ar44lA2aVf7qUVJT2dfbA> school education Home
<http://groups.yahoo.com/gads?t=ms&k=Home+school+education&w1=Secondary+scho
ol+education&w2=Graduate+school+education&w3=Home+school+education&w4=Gradua
te+school+education+online&w5=High+school+education&w6=Chicago+school+educat
ion&c=6&s=185&.sig=igfV0UPAcfSvC6KUmUYY6w> school education
Graduate
<http://groups.yahoo.com/gads?t=ms&k=Graduate+school+education+online&w1=Sec
ondary+school+education&w2=Graduate+school+education&w3=Home+school+educatio
n&w4=Graduate+school+education+online&w5=High+school+education&w6=Chicago+sc
hool+education&c=6&s=185&.sig=OHt1qK6J19R35_4ff-oJHg> school education
online High
<http://groups.yahoo.com/gads?t=ms&k=High+school+education&w1=Secondary+scho
ol+education&w2=Graduate+school+education&w3=Home+school+education&w4=Gradua
te+school+education+online&w5=High+school+education&w6=Chicago+school+educat
ion&c=6&s=185&.sig=BV3EOkp5uIRJ0eqRAZQNcw> school education Chicago
<http://groups.yahoo.com/gads?t=ms&k=Chicago+school+education&w1=Secondary+s
chool+education&w2=Graduate+school+education&w3=Home+school+education&w4=Gra
duate+school+education+online&w5=High+school+education&w6=Chicago+school+edu
cation&c=6&s=185&.sig=pesFSb8HMcPS2_oNEoEwuw> school education

_____

YAHOO! GROUPS LINKS



* Visit your group "unschoolingbasics
<http://groups.yahoo.com/group/unschoolingbasics> " on the web.


* To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
[email protected]
<mailto:[email protected]?subject=Unsubscribe>


* Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service
<http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/> .


_____




[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Lawrita Sleepe

Thank you for your posts, ladies. I, TOO, was on
another list and have come to the conclusion that they
were actually frown upon chores, any form of
discipline around the house. I am an unschooler, in
the making, but there are some things that, as a
family, we do for one another and for the Lord. My
boys are going to know how to clean, wash clothes,
dishes, etc.



--- marsaili <marsaili@...> wrote:

> From: [email protected]
> [mailto:[email protected]] On Behalf
> Of Melissa
> Sent: Thursday, March 09, 2006 8:13 PM
> To: [email protected]
> Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Re: I'm new and unsure
>
> Sorry, If I sound abrupt but unschooling doesn't
> mean that you are a
> slave to your children. You are a family. At our
> house that means that
> we are a team and everyone has to work together to
> make it a pleasant
> place to live and be.
>
> Take Care,
> Melissa in Oregon
>
> Thank you so much Melissa for making this point! I
> mentioned on another
> list these same points and I was told to shut up, I
> was told that as long as
> I have
> that attitude, I will never be an unschooler. I was
> told that I should not
> be posting to the list, I should just
> read--basically I was treated like
> crap for saying
> these exact things--and it made me feel so badly
> that I almost considered
> giving up on unschooling because if this is how
> unschooling
> adults treated each other, did I really want to be
> one myself? In my house
> we are also a team, we work together to keep things
> going, we help each
> other
> when needed and we strive for daily/monthly/yearly
> goals together to make
> life more pleasant. I thought this was a positive
> thing, but I was told
> that
> as long as I expected my children to do anything
> around the house, I wasn't
> an unschooler and I was pretty much accused of being
> a terrible parent since
> I should be happy to handle all the housework and
> chores myself as a gift to
> my kids. I love my kids to death and would do
> anything for them---but there
> are 6
> of them and one of me and not enough hours in the
> day to do everything
> around here by myself.
>
> I just wanted to let you know how happy I am to see
> that others feel and
> think the way I do, thank you so much!
>
> Leslie:-)
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> --- In [email protected],
> "streetresearcher"
> <happyfallingleaf@...> wrote:
> >
> >
> > I've been reading everything I can find on
> unschooling. I've been
> > changing my thought process and realize this is a
> lifestyle change. My
> > husband and I stayed up till 2 talking last night.
> We had alot of mental
> > breakthroughs. Realizing that we need to give the
> kids their lives back
> > and we can easily see many things we've been doing
> wrong. We came to the
> > conclusion that our fears about unschooling aren't
> about the kids but
> > about our personal selves.
> >
> > There are still some real life happening that we
> are unsure about how to
> > deal with.
> >
> > The first being that my son would like his friends
> to stay over on Fri.
> > night. The major problem, is they always use my DH
> as the chauffer. This
> > Fri. he happens to be working overtime and will be
> exhausted. We are
> > unsure how we are to handle this. It's not just my
> DH picking this boy
> > up, it's also interferring with the Sat. plans.
> >
> > The second thing we are having trouble getting our
> mind around happened
> > this past Sat. We had a party and 4 children
> stayed over. Between 1 a.m.
> > and 8:30 a.m. They devoured most of the food and
> drinks in the house. My
> > children didn't partake in the feeding frenzy but
> they didn't put a stop
> > to it. What should our response have been? These
> kids are all public
> > school kids and have very little sense of
> selfcontrol.
> >
> > Remember that we are new to this way of thinking
> and are wanting to
> > change our mind-set and responses. We are just
> unsure about what a
> > healthy response is.
> >
> > Thanks for any advice you can give.
> >
> > Charlene
> >
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> SPONSORED LINKS
> Secondary
>
<http://groups.yahoo.com/gads?t=ms&k=Secondary+school+education&w1=Secondary
>
+school+education&w2=Graduate+school+education&w3=Home+school+education&w4=G
>
raduate+school+education+online&w5=High+school+education&w6=Chicago+school+e
> ducation&c=6&s=185&.sig=ZmtJ9eV8jDgLVf_rQitp3g>
> school education
> Graduate
>
<http://groups.yahoo.com/gads?t=ms&k=Graduate+school+education&w1=Secondary+
>
school+education&w2=Graduate+school+education&w3=Home+school+education&w4=Gr
>
aduate+school+education+online&w5=High+school+education&w6=Chicago+school+ed
> ucation&c=6&s=185&.sig=_ar44lA2aVf7qUVJT2dfbA>
> school education Home
>
<http://groups.yahoo.com/gads?t=ms&k=Home+school+education&w1=Secondary+scho
>
ol+education&w2=Graduate+school+education&w3=Home+school+education&w4=Gradua
>
te+school+education+online&w5=High+school+education&w6=Chicago+school+educat
> ion&c=6&s=185&.sig=igfV0UPAcfSvC6KUmUYY6w> school
> education
> Graduate
>
<http://groups.yahoo.com/gads?t=ms&k=Graduate+school+education+online&w1=Sec
>
ondary+school+education&w2=Graduate+school+education&w3=Home+school+educatio
>
n&w4=Graduate+school+education+online&w5=High+school+education&w6=Chicago+sc
>
hool+education&c=6&s=185&.sig=OHt1qK6J19R35_4ff-oJHg>
> school education
> online High
>
<http://groups.yahoo.com/gads?t=ms&k=High+school+education&w1=Secondary+scho
>
ol+education&w2=Graduate+school+education&w3=Home+school+education&w4=Gradua
>
te+school+education+online&w5=High+school+education&w6=Chicago+school+educat
> ion&c=6&s=185&.sig=BV3EOkp5uIRJ0eqRAZQNcw> school
> education Chicago
>
<http://groups.yahoo.com/gads?t=ms&k=Chicago+school+education&w1=Secondary+s
>
chool+education&w2=Graduate+school+education&w3=Home+school+education&w4=Gra
>
duate+school+education+online&w5=High+school+education&w6=Chicago+school+edu
> cation&c=6&s=185&.sig=pesFSb8HMcPS2_oNEoEwuw> school
> education
>
> _____
>
> YAHOO! GROUPS LINKS
>
>
>
> * Visit your group "unschoolingbasics
> <http://groups.yahoo.com/group/unschoolingbasics> "
> on the web.
>
>
> * To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
> [email protected]
>
<mailto:[email protected]?subject=Unsubscribe>
>
>
>
> * Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the
> Yahoo! Terms of Service
> <http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/> .
>
>
> _____
>
>
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been
> removed]
>
>
>
>
=== message truncated ===


Lawrita Sleepe

For I know that the Lord is great, and that our Lord is above all gods. Psalm 135:5

__________________________________________________
Do You Yahoo!?
Tired of spam? Yahoo! Mail has the best spam protection around
http://mail.yahoo.com

Lesa McMahon-Lowe

Goodness, what list where you all treated so badly on? You can email me
privately about it. If it's one I belong to, I want to say something about
it to the moderators.

Lesa

-------Original Message-------

From: Lawrita Sleepe
Date: 03/15/06 07:59:17
To: [email protected]
Subject: RE: [unschoolingbasics] Re: I'm new and unsure

Thank you for your posts, ladies. I, TOO, was on
another list and have come to the conclusion that they
were actually frown upon chores, any form of
discipline around the house. I am an unschooler, in
the making, but there are some things that, as a
family, we do for one another and for the Lord. My
boys are going to know how to clean, wash clothes,
dishes, etc.



--- marsaili <marsaili@...> wrote:

> From: [email protected]
> [mailto:[email protected]] On Behalf
> Of Melissa
> Sent: Thursday, March 09, 2006 8:13 PM
> To: [email protected]
> Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Re: I'm new and unsure
>
> Sorry, If I sound abrupt but unschooling doesn't
> mean that you are a
> slave to your children. You are a family. At our
> house that means that
> we are a team and everyone has to work together to
> make it a pleasant
> place to live and be.
>
> Take Care,
> Melissa in Oregon
>
> Thank you so much Melissa for making this point! I
> mentioned on another
> list these same points and I was told to shut up, I
> was told that as long as
> I have
> that attitude, I will never be an unschooler. I was
> told that I should not
> be posting to the list, I should just
> read--basically I was treated like
> crap for saying
> these exact things--and it made me feel so badly
> that I almost considered
> giving up on unschooling because if this is how
> unschooling
> adults treated each other, did I really want to be
> one myself? In my house
> we are also a team, we work together to keep things
> going, we help each
> other
> when needed and we strive for daily/monthly/yearly
> goals together to make
> life more pleasant. I thought this was a positive
> thing, but I was told
> that
> as long as I expected my children to do anything
> around the house, I wasn't
> an unschooler and I was pretty much accused of being
> a terrible parent since
> I should be happy to handle all the housework and
> chores myself as a gift to
> my kids. I love my kids to death and would do
> anything for them---but there
> are 6
> of them and one of me and not enough hours in the
> day to do everything
> around here by myself.
>
> I just wanted to let you know how happy I am to see
> that others feel and
> think the way I do, thank you so much!
>
> Leslie:-)
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> --- In [email protected],
> "streetresearcher"
> <happyfallingleaf@...> wrote:
> >
> >
> > I've been reading everything I can find on
> unschooling. I've been
> > changing my thought process and realize this is a
> lifestyle change. My
> > husband and I stayed up till 2 talking last night.
> We had alot of mental
> > breakthroughs. Realizing that we need to give the
> kids their lives back
> > and we can easily see many things we've been doing
> wrong. We came to the
> > conclusion that our fears about unschooling aren't
> about the kids but
> > about our personal selves.
> >
> > There are still some real life happening that we
> are unsure about how to
> > deal with.
> >
> > The first being that my son would like his friends
> to stay over on Fri.
> > night. The major problem, is they always use my DH
> as the chauffer. This
> > Fri. he happens to be working overtime and will be
> exhausted. We are
> > unsure how we are to handle this. It's not just my
> DH picking this boy
> > up, it's also interferring with the Sat. plans.
> >
> > The second thing we are having trouble getting our
> mind around happened
> > this past Sat. We had a party and 4 children
> stayed over. Between 1 a.m.
> > and 8:30 a.m. They devoured most of the food and
> drinks in the house. My
> > children didn't partake in the feeding frenzy but
> they didn't put a stop
> > to it. What should our response have been? These
> kids are all public
> > school kids and have very little sense of
> selfcontrol.
> >
> > Remember that we are new to this way of thinking
> and are wanting to
> > change our mind-set and responses. We are just
> unsure about what a
> > healthy response is.
> >
> > Thanks for any advice you can give.
> >
> > Charlene
> >
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> SPONSORED LINKS
> Secondary
>
<http://groups.yahoo.com/gads?t=ms&k=Secondary+school+education&w1=Secondary
>
+school+education&w2=Graduate+school+education&w3=Home+school+education&w4=G
>
raduate+school+education+online&w5=High+school+education&w6=Chicago+school+e
> ducation&c=6&s=185&.sig=ZmtJ9eV8jDgLVf_rQitp3g>
> school education
> Graduate
>
<http://groups.yahoo.com/gads?t=ms&k=Graduate+school+education&w1=Secondary+
>
school+education&w2=Graduate+school+education&w3=Home+school+education&w4=Gr
>
aduate+school+education+online&w5=High+school+education&w6=Chicago+school+ed
> ucation&c=6&s=185&.sig=_ar44lA2aVf7qUVJT2dfbA>
> school education Home
>
<http://groups.yahoo.com/gads?t=ms&k=Home+school+education&w1=Secondary+scho
>
ol+education&w2=Graduate+school+education&w3=Home+school+education&w4=Gradua
>
te+school+education+online&w5=High+school+education&w6=Chicago+school+educat
> ion&c=6&s=185&.sig=igfV0UPAcfSvC6KUmUYY6w> school
> education
> Graduate
>
<http://groups.yahoo.com/gads?t=ms&k=Graduate+school+education+online&w1=Sec
>
ondary+school+education&w2=Graduate+school+education&w3=Home+school+educatio
>
n&w4=Graduate+school+education+online&w5=High+school+education&w6=Chicago+sc
>
hool+education&c=6&s=185&.sig=OHt1qK6J19R35_4ff-oJHg>
> school education
> online High
>
<http://groups.yahoo.com/gads?t=ms&k=High+school+education&w1=Secondary+scho
>
ol+education&w2=Graduate+school+education&w3=Home+school+education&w4=Gradua
>
te+school+education+online&w5=High+school+education&w6=Chicago+school+educat
> ion&c=6&s=185&.sig=BV3EOkp5uIRJ0eqRAZQNcw> school
> education Chicago
>
<http://groups.yahoo.com/gads?t=ms&k=Chicago+school+education&w1=Secondary+s
>
chool+education&w2=Graduate+school+education&w3=Home+school+education&w4=Gra
>
duate+school+education+online&w5=High+school+education&w6=Chicago+school+edu
> cation&c=6&s=185&.sig=pesFSb8HMcPS2_oNEoEwuw> school
> education
>
> _____
>
> YAHOO! GROUPS LINKS
>
>
>
> * Visit your group "unschoolingbasics
> <http://groups.yahoo.com/group/unschoolingbasics> "
> on the web.
>
>
> * To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
> [email protected]
>
<mailto:[email protected]?subject=Unsubscribe>
>
>
>
> * Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the
> Yahoo! Terms of Service
> <http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/> .
>
>
> _____
>
>
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been
> removed]
>
>
>
>
=== message truncated ===


Lawrita Sleepe

For I know that the Lord is great, and that our Lord is above all gods.
Psalm 135:5

__________________________________________________
Do You Yahoo!?
Tired of spam? Yahoo! Mail has the best spam protection around
http://mail.yahoo.com


SPONSORED LINKS Secondary school education Graduate school education Home
school education
Graduate school education online High school education Chicago school
education



YAHOO! GROUPS LINKS

Visit your group "unschoolingbasics" on the web.

To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
[email protected]

Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.







[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

Commenting a few posts.
********************************

I consider my self a radical unschooler and my kids do help but its not
required.
First off I think the buzz words (however stupid it sounds) may be part of
the concern. "Discipline and Chores" are words also used by people who also
abuse/beat their children so as you can imagine reading between the lines of
what *you* mean may be hard to do on the net. Respecting children isn't
sacrifice it's treating them as we would like to be treated. Not little adults but
spoken to in kindness and not birthed to be our cleaning crew.

More than one list is good. I was on a local list/group who pushed
unschooling, advertised as unschool but told families that spanking and unschooling
with required math and English was unschooling. That families should just do
whatever works for them whatever and how they define it. Spankings, required
subjects,rules,chores, limits on freedoms that even PS kids have is not
unschooling and respecting children. Yes, it can get confusing with all the family
values out there but force/coercion and unschooling do not mix.

My kids happily learned how to do laundry. They actually want to do it BC we
just purchased front loaders and they are electronic. We don't have "chores"
but there are things I ask them to help me with as they would ask me. Our
home is busy, we have 5 dogs and four kids and life can get crazy. Too boot we
re adding a home addition (raising the roof soon) so it's going to really
test our family's patience. That said we DO NOT have daily "rules or chores"
that they have assigned to them.

I look at it this way.. I don't want my Dh to leave in the am and say "You
need to do the laundry, wash the floors, take out the trash, wash the dog, feed
the dogs , take them out,weigh the puppies, call the vet" etc.. YKWIM?
Therefor....... I don't do that to my children. If I need help.. I ask but I do
not say "you are going to learn this BC I said so".

Your children will know from watching you. They may even offer to help.

What I wonder is....
What happens if they don't want to help?
Do they lose something?
Are they "disciplined"?

I suspect you may have been on one the larger unschool lists. You may have
even been in conversation with one of the older seasoned unschoolers. Did you
stay to listen? Did you ask questions? Was there a read for a few weeks
posting guideline?

Is it possible that some with years of experience just might have wisdom to
offer? Are we not on lists to learn and help others get to unschooling? If we
just listen when someone agrees does that mean we are learning and changing?

I understand where the posts are going but this being a basics/new
unschooling list there needs to be clarity. Discipline means many things and for those
just reading it may be sending mixed messages.

Some don't use the word discipline BC they simply don't need to use it in
their home. That doesn't mean wild children that means everyone knows and
respects each other.
Some rather than discipline talk to each other...

Laura



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Melissa

Hey everyone,
I think what is frowned upon is arbitrarily legislating what your
children should do to help around the house. I have seven kids, and I
*was* worried that I would be slaving all day to keep the house clean
and kids happy. But kids WANT to help. And if you ask them, usually
they will UNLESS they have been bossed around so much they get
resentful. What the other list was saying is that you should be open
to them saying, "Not right now" Or being aware that what they are
doing is a legitimate learning experience and it's not fair to
interrupt and say, take the trash out RIGHT NOW. I did spend a few
weeks not having them do anything. I focused every day on providing
them with snacks and cleaning the house. and it went really well. Now
I've started asking them again to help with dishes, laundry, etc. And
they usually step right up and say ok. Sometimes they kind of go "Aw
mom...I'm reading right now" or "Can I finish this game first?" and I
say okay. Because next week, much less a hundred years from now, does
it really matter when they did the dishes? Not unless I make it an
issue and make everything ugly.
Since your kids are members of your team, that would imply that they
have equal rights and equal say in how they will help. And when they
will help. If I nagged my daughters all day that they needed to put
away their laundry, would they have chosen to stay up late one night
and fold EVERYONE'S laundry and put it away? Probably not, they would
have been so resentful of being told what to do, that it never would
have occurred to be so generous with their time and energy. I think
what's important is what is in your heart and how you have your
children help. If you pull the grownup card and legislate, that's not
trusting your children's heart or their growth.
I would say if what you're doing works and the kids are happy, then
why are you worried about what other people say? Why would you allow
someone else's email affect a major life decision like how to raise
your children?If the kids are willing to do the work and happily do
it rather than grousing about it, then I'd say you're on the right
track. But if they aren't happy or volunteering to help, then
probably something is wrong.
Melissa
Mom to Josh (11), Breanna (8), Emily (7), Rachel (6), Sam (4), Dan
(2), and Avari Rose


On Mar 15, 2006, at 1:23 AM, marsaili wrote:
>
> Sorry, If I sound abrupt but unschooling doesn't mean that you are a
> slave to your children. You are a family. At our house that means that
> we are a team and everyone has to work together to make it a pleasant
> place to live and be.
>
> Take Care,
> Melissa in Oregon
>
> Thank you so much Melissa for making this point! I mentioned on
> another
> list these same points and I was told to shut up, I was told that
> as long as
> I have
> that attitude, I will never be an unschooler. I was told that I
> should not
> be posting to the list, I should just read--basically I was treated
> like
> crap for saying
> these exact things--and it made me feel so badly that I almost
> considered
> giving up on unschooling because if this is how unschooling
> adults treated each other, did I really want to be one myself? In
> my house
> we are also a team, we work together to keep things going, we help
> each
> other
> when needed and we strive for daily/monthly/yearly goals together
> to make
> life more pleasant.

Deb Lewis

***Goodness, what list where you all treated so badly on? ***

Kind readers,

This list is not an appropriate venue for "other list bashing."

It *is* perfectly ok to bring ideas here from other lists, questions from
other lists, etc.. as long as they contribute to the understanding of
unschooling.

"They were mean to me" posts are going to get nixed.

Thanks.

Deb Lewis
co-moderator

Angela S.

<<Sorry, If I sound abrupt but unschooling doesn't mean that you are a slave
to your children. You are a family. At our house that means that we are a
team and everyone has to work together to make it a pleasant place to live
and be.>>

At our house we are not a team; we are a family. At our house no one HAS to
work together to make it a pleasant place to be and I suspect that if I
tried to MAKE them work together it would have the opposite affect to making
it more pleasant. Making other people do your bidding, in the long run,
makes them bitter and not wanting to help. Choosing to do things for my
family, does not make me a slave to them. I have the right to choose to
clean or not and they also have the right to choose to clean or not.

I don't HAVE to do housework. The housework police aren't going to swoop
down and take me away. I do choose to do housework regularly though because
I value having a clean house. My children often help without my asking and
when I do ask them to help, most of the time they pitch right in and help
sometiems right then or as soon as they aren't busy. They know they can say
no though and that I will not try to make them feel guilty about it.

My kids keep a lot of toys out on a regular basis and we are a very careful
family and it's not often that anything gets stepped on and broken.
However, if we are planning on having company that isn't quite as careful as
we are, the girls work hard to pick up their things before they come and put
them in a more appropriate place.

All that said, it really makes a different to your own peace, depending on
how you look at it. You can look at housework as a gift to your family or
you can look at it as a hated chore that you have the right to get help
with.

Either way, my life is peaceful and we do not make our kids do chores.

Angela
game-enthusiast@...

[email protected]

>>My boys are going to know how to clean, wash clothes,
dishes, etc.>>

My kids know how to do those things already. But not because I've assigned them as chores. My son is 16 and working in our restaurant now. As such, his dirty laundry was getting to be too much for me. So I showed him how to do it and he's happily pitching in and taking care of it himself. He also washes dishes, mops, cleans tables and vacuums on the job. When I need help at home he is usually agreeable to lending a hand.

--
~Mary

"The miracle is not to walk on water. The miracle is to walk on the
green earth, dwelling deeply in the present moment and feeling truly
alive."
~Thich Nhat Hanh

-------------- Original message ----------------------
From: Lawrita Sleepe <lsleepe@...>

Lesa McMahon-Lowe

Melissa,

What a wonderful responce! I think I'll print that out and let my DH read
it. He still has a problem with nagging and coercion.

Lesa

-------Original Message-------

From: Melissa
Date: 03/15/06 09:50:03
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] Re: I'm new and unsure

Hey everyone,
I think what is frowned upon is arbitrarily legislating what your
children should do to help around the house. I have seven kids, and I
*was* worried that I would be slaving all day to keep the house clean
and kids happy. But kids WANT to help. And if you ask them, usually
they will UNLESS they have been bossed around so much they get
resentful. What the other list was saying is that you should be open
to them saying, "Not right now" Or being aware that what they are
doing is a legitimate learning experience and it's not fair to
interrupt and say, take the trash out RIGHT NOW. I did spend a few
weeks not having them do anything. I focused every day on providing
them with snacks and cleaning the house. and it went really well. Now
I've started asking them again to help with dishes, laundry, etc. And
they usually step right up and say ok. Sometimes they kind of go "Aw
mom...I'm reading right now" or "Can I finish this game first?" and I
say okay. Because next week, much less a hundred years from now, does
it really matter when they did the dishes? Not unless I make it an
issue and make everything ugly.
Since your kids are members of your team, that would imply that they
have equal rights and equal say in how they will help. And when they
will help. If I nagged my daughters all day that they needed to put
away their laundry, would they have chosen to stay up late one night
and fold EVERYONE'S laundry and put it away? Probably not, they would
have been so resentful of being told what to do, that it never would
have occurred to be so generous with their time and energy. I think
what's important is what is in your heart and how you have your
children help. If you pull the grownup card and legislate, that's not
trusting your children's heart or their growth.
I would say if what you're doing works and the kids are happy, then
why are you worried about what other people say? Why would you allow
someone else's email affect a major life decision like how to raise
your children?If the kids are willing to do the work and happily do
it rather than grousing about it, then I'd say you're on the right
track. But if they aren't happy or volunteering to help, then
probably something is wrong.
Melissa
Mom to Josh (11), Breanna (8), Emily (7), Rachel (6), Sam (4), Dan
(2), and Avari Rose

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Lesa McMahon-Lowe

Laura,

I love your response, too! I've got it tagged for printing. :)

Lesa

-------Original Message-------

From: HMSL2@...
Date: 03/15/06 09:30:05
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] Re: I'm new and unsure


I consider my self a radical unschooler and my kids do help but its not
required.
First off I think the buzz words (however stupid it sounds) may be part of
the concern. "Discipline and Chores" are words also used by people who also

abuse/beat their children so as you can imagine reading between the lines
of
what *you* mean may be hard to do on the net. Respecting children isn't
sacrifice it's treating them as we would like to be treated. Not little
adults but
spoken to in kindness and not birthed to be our cleaning crew.

More than one list is good. I was on a local list/group who pushed
unschooling, advertised as unschool but told families that spanking and
unschooling
with required math and English was unschooling. That families should just
do
whatever works for them whatever and how they define it. Spankings,
required
subjects,rules,chores, limits on freedoms that even PS kids have is not
unschooling and respecting children. Yes, it can get confusing with all the
family
values out there but force/coercion and unschooling do not mix.

My kids happily learned how to do laundry. They actually want to do it BC
we
just purchased front loaders and they are electronic. We don't have "chores

but there are things I ask them to help me with as they would ask me. Our
home is busy, we have 5 dogs and four kids and life can get crazy. Too boot
we
re adding a home addition (raising the roof soon) so it's going to really
test our family's patience. That said we DO NOT have daily "rules or chores

that they have assigned to them.

I look at it this way.. I don't want my Dh to leave in the am and say "You
need to do the laundry, wash the floors, take out the trash, wash the dog,
feed
the dogs , take them out,weigh the puppies, call the vet" etc.. YKWIM?
Therefor....... I don't do that to my children. If I need help.. I ask but I
do
not say "you are going to learn this BC I said so".

Your children will know from watching you. They may even offer to help.

What I wonder is....
What happens if they don't want to help?
Do they lose something?
Are they "disciplined"?

I suspect you may have been on one the larger unschool lists. You may have
even been in conversation with one of the older seasoned unschoolers. Did
you
stay to listen? Did you ask questions? Was there a read for a few weeks
posting guideline?

Is it possible that some with years of experience just might have wisdom to

offer? Are we not on lists to learn and help others get to unschooling? If
we
just listen when someone agrees does that mean we are learning and
changing?

I understand where the posts are going but this being a basics/new
unschooling list there needs to be clarity. Discipline means many things and
for those
just reading it may be sending mixed messages.

Some don't use the word discipline BC they simply don't need to use it in
their home. That doesn't mean wild children that means everyone knows and
respects each other.
Some rather than discipline talk to each other...

Laura



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]



SPONSORED LINKS Secondary school education Graduate school education Home
school education
Graduate school education online High school education Chicago school
education



YAHOO! GROUPS LINKS

Visit your group "unschoolingbasics" on the web.

To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
[email protected]

Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.







[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

<<you can look at housework as a gift to your family or you can look at it as a hated chore...>>>

Actually, you can look at it about a hundred different ways in between those two extremes. I do the vast majority of housework but just to keep up with the place and all the kids activities (we live in the boonies and everything requires a bit of a drive), I NEED help. I listen to the kids, we work together to try to make everything as painless as possible but to be honest, if the kids didn't help me something would have to give and they know it. Not from me threatening them, just from being aware of what is involved in the running of our place.

Julie S.

----- Original Message -----
From: "Angela S." <game-enthusiast@...>
Date: Wednesday, March 15, 2006 12:31 pm
Subject: RE: [unschoolingbasics] Re: I'm new and unsure

>
> <<Sorry, If I sound abrupt but unschooling doesn't mean that you
> are a slave
> to your children. You are a family. At our house that means that
> we are a
> team and everyone has to work together to make it a pleasant place
> to live
> and be.>>
>
> At our house we are not a team; we are a family. At our house no
> one HAS to
> work together to make it a pleasant place to be and I suspect that
> if I
> tried to MAKE them work together it would have the opposite affect
> to making
> it more pleasant. Making other people do your bidding, in the
> long run,
> makes them bitter and not wanting to help. Choosing to do things
> for my
> family, does not make me a slave to them. I have the right to
> choose to
> clean or not and they also have the right to choose to clean or not.
>
> I don't HAVE to do housework. The housework police aren't going
> to swoop
> down and take me away. I do choose to do housework regularly
> though because
> I value having a clean house. My children often help without my
> asking and
> when I do ask them to help, most of the time they pitch right in
> and help
> sometiems right then or as soon as they aren't busy. They know
> they can say
> no though and that I will not try to make them feel guilty about it.
>
> My kids keep a lot of toys out on a regular basis and we are a
> very careful
> family and it's not often that anything gets stepped on and broken.
> However, if we are planning on having company that isn't quite as
> careful as
> we are, the girls work hard to pick up their things before they
> come and put
> them in a more appropriate place.
>
> All that said, it really makes a different to your own peace,
> depending on
> how you look at it. You can look at housework as a gift to your
> family or
> you can look at it as a hated chore that you have the right to get
> helpwith.
>
> Either way, my life is peaceful and we do not make our kids do chores.
>
> Angela
> game-enthusiast@...
>
>
>
>
>
>
> Yahoo! Groups Links
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>

Deb Lewis

***unschooling doesn't mean that you are a
slave to your children. ***

One thing I've seen really help people move in the direction of
unschooling is a deliberate and thoughtful change in the way they think
about and talk about their children.

I think we very often repeat things we've heard without fully considering
them. They might seem to make sense on some level (usually the level or
our wounded-in-childhood selves) so we hold onto them and reuse them but
haven't really thought about them. I think the phrase "slave to your
children" is one of those things.

Somewhere along the way some people come to feel they have no choices.
How did that happen? It happens to some people who are told "we all have
to do things we don't want to" by parents who want to dismiss the
worries, hurts and complaints of their kids. But we do have a choice.
Having kids was a choice and knowing that kids create a lot more work for
us we made that choice anyway. Looking after and helping other people
is a choice. How we think about helping others is a choice.

And if someone is a "slave" to their children are the children then the
overlords? How did they get that way? I mean, who treated them so
unkindly, created such an example for them that they grew, in a few short
years, into heartless beings who would happily enslave their own mothers?


There was as study about altruism and the researcher found that little
babies are good for the sake of goodness. Little babies. Who turns
them into slave owners? Moms who feel like slaves to their children
have more going on than a messy house and I think very little of that, if
any, has to do with the kids or the mess.

If we're doing it right our kids lives are full of fun and possibility.
Kids don't see messes, they see fun. They are not "leaving messes" for
their mom they are doing what children do. They are playing and being
and growing and learning. Children don't think "I'm going to make a
mess and I'm going to leave it for my mom because I want her to feel like
my slave." They play. That joy and imagination is just so cool.
If we think that we might become enslaved by the work of looking after a
home and kids we're turning their innocent joy into something sinister.
If a mom is determined to feel abused by her family she's going to look
around at her happy kids and think they're happy because they have a
slave. She's going to see their inventions and creations, not as
evidence they were having fun but as "messes left for mom to clean up."
It is a really unkind way to think of our kids.

It is choice and it is choice-in-attitude and at the heart of that is
philosophy. Some people don't think they have choice, don't think they
can benefit from choosing a different attitude, haven't ever considered
what might be their life's philosophy. But it's worth looking at
because anything that keeps moms thinking resentfully of their children
will stand in the way of unschooling.

I've seen some people get mad at the suggestion they stop using some
words or phrases to describe their kid or their relationship or what
they're doing. The language might be an indicator that the thinking
could use some tweaking. Sometimes it turns out we don't even really
think that way but we've been using the language for so long we forgot to
look at our kids in the positive light of love. It's one easy step in
the direction of a happier and more respectful life with kids. It will
make it easier to really understand unschooling.


Deb Lewis

John & Karen Buxcel

Deb,
*********WoW**********

I think you really, really need to have that post published! That was the
perfect little article, beginning to end. I'm sure there would be a cool,
hip unschooling mag that would snatch that baby right up!

Thank you, it was beautiful!!!!


In Gratitude ~
Karen

Ren Allen

~Children don't think "I'm going to make a
mess and I'm going to leave it for my mom because I want her to feel
likemy slave." They play. That joy and imagination is just so cool.~

When we were visiting Alaska this summer, we stayed at my Grandma's
house. One day, the kids had their typical slew of toys and games
strewn across her basement and we were all in a hurry to go somewhere.
I said "I'm sorry about all the destruction Grandma, we'll get it
cleaned up when we get back" to which she replied;
"don't EVER call kid's play destruction!! That's not destruction,
that's just happy kids."
I just smooched her and told her how cool she was, thanking her for a
wise reminder.

Ren
learninginfreedom.com