When children have doubts about unschooling
Malinda Mills
Has anyone's kids ever had doubts about unschooling, particularly kids that went to public/private schools in the past?
Tristan (9-yrs-old) told me the other night he doesn't feel like he is learning anything and is concerned that he is not "receiving a good education." He recalled all the times his teachers told him that he had to be good at math to get anywhere in life (it so happens that the school overall had scored very poorly in math on the standardized tests last year so math was really being pushed in all grade levels).
I realize he has not been out of school long (I pulled him Nov 30 this past year), but I guess I was a bit floored by his comments. He takes things incredibly seriously. I remember one morning when Tristan was in first grade. I had just dropped him off from school when the principal flagged me down. Tristan had realized he had forgotten his homework and was in the middle of a complete meltdown.
Of course it doesn't help when my parents get on the phone with him and start quizzing him...what has he done today, has he written in his journal lately, etc. Not only is this causing him more stress, but it's negatively impacting his relationship with his grandparents. (BTW....I've talked to my parents on this, and they won't stop....)
I reassured Tristan that he is learning, by giving him a few examples of things I've noticed that he has learned just over the past few days. I also told him that people learn in all sorts of ways, and textbooks, worksheets, and everything else in school are not the only options.
Besides reassurance, can anyone think of anything else that might be helpful? I'd really hate for all this self-doubt to build up inside Tristan, only to make him feel like he needs to return to school.
Thanks so much,
Malinda
http://nomadicdreamers.blogspot.com/
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Tristan (9-yrs-old) told me the other night he doesn't feel like he is learning anything and is concerned that he is not "receiving a good education." He recalled all the times his teachers told him that he had to be good at math to get anywhere in life (it so happens that the school overall had scored very poorly in math on the standardized tests last year so math was really being pushed in all grade levels).
I realize he has not been out of school long (I pulled him Nov 30 this past year), but I guess I was a bit floored by his comments. He takes things incredibly seriously. I remember one morning when Tristan was in first grade. I had just dropped him off from school when the principal flagged me down. Tristan had realized he had forgotten his homework and was in the middle of a complete meltdown.
Of course it doesn't help when my parents get on the phone with him and start quizzing him...what has he done today, has he written in his journal lately, etc. Not only is this causing him more stress, but it's negatively impacting his relationship with his grandparents. (BTW....I've talked to my parents on this, and they won't stop....)
I reassured Tristan that he is learning, by giving him a few examples of things I've noticed that he has learned just over the past few days. I also told him that people learn in all sorts of ways, and textbooks, worksheets, and everything else in school are not the only options.
Besides reassurance, can anyone think of anything else that might be helpful? I'd really hate for all this self-doubt to build up inside Tristan, only to make him feel like he needs to return to school.
Thanks so much,
Malinda
http://nomadicdreamers.blogspot.com/
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
nrskay
I have been unschooling Elizabeth, 11 yo, since summer 05'.
Occassionally she will ask me about "learning". I point out all that
she has learned on her own over the past 8 months.
We have also talked about her peers in school, how miserable they are,
hating the teachers, the subjects, the homework, etc. School was
boring to her and she hated every moment of it.
When she has a moment of "OMG what I have I learned", I calmly talk
about what her interest are and what she feels she wants research.
She then goes on her merry way and either researches it or not. The
most important thing she has learned is how and where to research what
it is she wants to know.
I think your son is experiencing normal doubts about unschooling and
he needs to learn to trust himself. He has been spoon fed everything
up to this point. Deschooling is not an easy stage and it is normal
to question your decision to unschool. Hang in there!
Trust you son, help him through the deschooling stage, reassure him
that he is learning all the time. Have fun and play.
Kay
Occassionally she will ask me about "learning". I point out all that
she has learned on her own over the past 8 months.
We have also talked about her peers in school, how miserable they are,
hating the teachers, the subjects, the homework, etc. School was
boring to her and she hated every moment of it.
When she has a moment of "OMG what I have I learned", I calmly talk
about what her interest are and what she feels she wants research.
She then goes on her merry way and either researches it or not. The
most important thing she has learned is how and where to research what
it is she wants to know.
I think your son is experiencing normal doubts about unschooling and
he needs to learn to trust himself. He has been spoon fed everything
up to this point. Deschooling is not an easy stage and it is normal
to question your decision to unschool. Hang in there!
Trust you son, help him through the deschooling stage, reassure him
that he is learning all the time. Have fun and play.
Kay
Breezy Stevens/ Lady Lasairíona of Crea
Hey there,
Wondering if anyone has any advice for this particular situation? She's
been home with me for 4 years, after going to school for K and 1st
grade. She says she doesn't like being home all the time (we get out as
much as we can, it being winter in Alaska, in a town where there aren't
really very many places to go), and that she wants to be with other kids
more. I've tried explaining that you're not really allowed to socialize
in school anyway, and told her that we could get more into 4H, do
scouting, etc., but well, the 4H clubs here are not her thing, and all
the scouting groups are gender segregated (she's a major tomboy and
thinks being in Girl Scouts would be a nightmare). Then she says that
she just wants to see what middle school is like...I do know that she
would be considered VERY far behind 'grade level' in a couple of areas
(she can't spell at all and can't write very well, and can barely
multiply to save her life), so she'd either have to start working like
crazy to 'catch up' or be put in a lower grade. I'd also get to fight
with the school about shots again (we don't do those), and it would
throw off the whole family's groove- dad's weekends are Sunday and
Monday, so fairly often we go out of town on Saturday night and don't
come back until late Monday, and we couldn't do that anymore...I just
think it sounds awful! I'm also not happy about having her gone all day,
only to come home and have to do homework for hours and go to bed...I
could go on all day, so I apologize, but I'm very upset about this, and
wondering what to do.
Blessings,
Breezy
Wondering if anyone has any advice for this particular situation? She's
been home with me for 4 years, after going to school for K and 1st
grade. She says she doesn't like being home all the time (we get out as
much as we can, it being winter in Alaska, in a town where there aren't
really very many places to go), and that she wants to be with other kids
more. I've tried explaining that you're not really allowed to socialize
in school anyway, and told her that we could get more into 4H, do
scouting, etc., but well, the 4H clubs here are not her thing, and all
the scouting groups are gender segregated (she's a major tomboy and
thinks being in Girl Scouts would be a nightmare). Then she says that
she just wants to see what middle school is like...I do know that she
would be considered VERY far behind 'grade level' in a couple of areas
(she can't spell at all and can't write very well, and can barely
multiply to save her life), so she'd either have to start working like
crazy to 'catch up' or be put in a lower grade. I'd also get to fight
with the school about shots again (we don't do those), and it would
throw off the whole family's groove- dad's weekends are Sunday and
Monday, so fairly often we go out of town on Saturday night and don't
come back until late Monday, and we couldn't do that anymore...I just
think it sounds awful! I'm also not happy about having her gone all day,
only to come home and have to do homework for hours and go to bed...I
could go on all day, so I apologize, but I'm very upset about this, and
wondering what to do.
Blessings,
Breezy
Joanne
Hi Breezy...
(((Hugs))) I can imagine you're feeling very stressed right now. I
would be also if one of my kids told me they wanted to go back to
school.
My only advice to you is to enroll her and maybe the novelty will
wear off. Have you spent some time at the local school so she can
she what it's like? Maybe that will change her mind?
Let her know that you're behind her whatever she decides and that
she's always free to come back home. :-)
~ Joanne ~
Mom to Jacqueline (7), Shawna (10) & Cimion (13)
Adopted into our hearts October 30, 2003
http://anunschoolinglife.blogspot.com/
http://foreverparents.com
--- In [email protected], Breezy Stevens/ Lady
Lasairíona of Creavanore <redgoddess@...> wrote:
(((Hugs))) I can imagine you're feeling very stressed right now. I
would be also if one of my kids told me they wanted to go back to
school.
My only advice to you is to enroll her and maybe the novelty will
wear off. Have you spent some time at the local school so she can
she what it's like? Maybe that will change her mind?
Let her know that you're behind her whatever she decides and that
she's always free to come back home. :-)
~ Joanne ~
Mom to Jacqueline (7), Shawna (10) & Cimion (13)
Adopted into our hearts October 30, 2003
http://anunschoolinglife.blogspot.com/
http://foreverparents.com
--- In [email protected], Breezy Stevens/ Lady
Lasairíona of Creavanore <redgoddess@...> wrote:
>She's
> Hey there,
>
> Wondering if anyone has any advice for this particular situation?
> been home with me for 4 years, after going to school for K and 1stout as
> grade. She says she doesn't like being home all the time (we get
> much as we can, it being winter in Alaska, in a town where therearen't
> really very many places to go), and that she wants to be withother kids
> more. I've tried explaining that you're not really allowed tosocialize
> in school anyway, and told her that we could get more into 4H, doall
> scouting, etc., but well, the 4H clubs here are not her thing, and
> the scouting groups are gender segregated (she's a major tomboyand
> thinks being in Girl Scouts would be a nightmare). Then she saysthat
> she just wants to see what middle school is like...I do know thatshe
> would be considered VERY far behind 'grade level' in a couple ofareas
> (she can't spell at all and can't write very well, and can barelylike
> multiply to save her life), so she'd either have to start working
> crazy to 'catch up' or be put in a lower grade. I'd also get tofight
> with the school about shots again (we don't do those), and itwould
> throw off the whole family's groove- dad's weekends are Sunday anddon't
> Monday, so fairly often we go out of town on Saturday night and
> come back until late Monday, and we couldn't do that anymore...Ijust
> think it sounds awful! I'm also not happy about having her goneall day,
> only to come home and have to do homework for hours and go tobed...I
> could go on all day, so I apologize, but I'm very upset aboutthis, and
> wondering what to do.
>
> Blessings,
> Breezy
>
Malinda Mills
Thanks so much for the reassurance, Kay.
It's so helpful to hear that it is common for kids to go through this. When Tristan was in school he excelled grade-wise, always being the first in class to finish assignments and tests. It was quickly engrained in him that this equaled learning and success. When you toss all the worksheets, memorization, and such aside I can see how someone could feel lost and completely uncertain about a new path.
I'm a bit surprised that I have been able to shed the school mentality more easily than Tristan. I thought it would have been the other way around.
We truly are having fun and playing, though...so much more so than we ever did when he went to school! :o)
Thanks again,
Malinda
It's so helpful to hear that it is common for kids to go through this. When Tristan was in school he excelled grade-wise, always being the first in class to finish assignments and tests. It was quickly engrained in him that this equaled learning and success. When you toss all the worksheets, memorization, and such aside I can see how someone could feel lost and completely uncertain about a new path.
I'm a bit surprised that I have been able to shed the school mentality more easily than Tristan. I thought it would have been the other way around.
We truly are having fun and playing, though...so much more so than we ever did when he went to school! :o)
Thanks again,
Malinda
----- Original Message -----
From: nrskay
When she has a moment of "OMG what I have I learned", I calmly talk
about what her interest are and what she feels she wants research.
She then goes on her merry way and either researches it or not. The
most important thing she has learned is how and where to research what
it is she wants to know.
I think your son is experiencing normal doubts about unschooling and
he needs to learn to trust himself. He has been spoon fed everything
up to this point. Deschooling is not an easy stage and it is normal
to question your decision to unschool. Hang in there!
Kay
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
All of my kids have chosen to go to school at some point after homeschooling. It lasted all of 4 months for the longest. I would suggest taking your daughter up to the school and talking to them about what would be involved in your dd returning to school. If she is up for it, I would most certainly let her go, but I would work hard not to get all revved up in "the system". I would not enforce homework, etc.. *I* would continue to unschool even though she no longer chose to.
Julie S.
Julie S.
----- Original Message -----
From: Breezy Stevens/ Lady Lasairíona of Creavanore <redgoddess@...>
Date: Monday, February 27, 2006 2:10 pm
Subject: [unschoolingbasics]My daughter wants to return to school :(
> Hey there,
>
> Wondering if anyone has any advice for this particular situation?
> She's
> been home with me for 4 years, after going to school for K and 1st
> grade. She says she doesn't like being home all the time (we get
> out as
> much as we can, it being winter in Alaska, in a town where there
> aren't
> really very many places to go), and that she wants to be with
> other kids
> more. I've tried explaining that you're not really allowed to
> socialize
> in school anyway, and told her that we could get more into 4H, do
> scouting, etc., but well, the 4H clubs here are not her thing, and
> all
> the scouting groups are gender segregated (she's a major tomboy
> and
> thinks being in Girl Scouts would be a nightmare). Then she says
> that
> she just wants to see what middle school is like...I do know that
> she
> would be considered VERY far behind 'grade level' in a couple of
> areas
> (she can't spell at all and can't write very well, and can barely
> multiply to save her life), so she'd either have to start working
> like
> crazy to 'catch up' or be put in a lower grade. I'd also get to
> fight
> with the school about shots again (we don't do those), and it
> would
> throw off the whole family's groove- dad's weekends are Sunday and
> Monday, so fairly often we go out of town on Saturday night and
> don't
> come back until late Monday, and we couldn't do that anymore...I
> just
> think it sounds awful! I'm also not happy about having her gone
> all day,
> only to come home and have to do homework for hours and go to
> bed...I
> could go on all day, so I apologize, but I'm very upset about
> this, and
> wondering what to do.
>
> Blessings,
> Breezy
>
>
>
> Yahoo! Groups Links
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
Paige
Have you discussed these concerns with her?
Maybe she isn't thinking beyond having friends and fun, like the
kids on tv always seem to be having. TV shows nearly always make it
look like great fun to go to school.
I once read somewhere about a woman whose dd said she wanted to go
to school and so she told her to get up every morning at 6:30 or 7,
whatever time she would have to get up for school, and the desire
left within a week.
HTH,
Paige
I do know that she
Maybe she isn't thinking beyond having friends and fun, like the
kids on tv always seem to be having. TV shows nearly always make it
look like great fun to go to school.
I once read somewhere about a woman whose dd said she wanted to go
to school and so she told her to get up every morning at 6:30 or 7,
whatever time she would have to get up for school, and the desire
left within a week.
HTH,
Paige
I do know that she
> would be considered VERY far behind 'grade level' in a couple ofareas
> (she can't spell at all and can't write very well, and can barelylike
> multiply to save her life), so she'd either have to start working
> crazy to 'catch up' or be put in a lower grade.I'm also not happyabout having her gone all day,
> only to come home and have to do homework for hours and go tobed...
[email protected]
Hi Breezy,
My daughter went to 5th grade for one week last year. That's all it took to reassure her that unschooling was the life for her. :o) I talked to her about school a lot and she seemed determined to try it. We did no prep and she did just fine academically and socially. In the end she just had better things to do.
I'd lightly investigate the idea of going to school next year with your daughter. In the meantime I'd make home as appealing as possible. She may very well change her mind before next September.
--
~Mary, unschooling mom to Conor (16) and Casey (12)
"Just today I'm going to be utterly present for my children, I'm going to be in their world (not just doing my own thing while they do theirs), I'm going to really hear them, I'm going to prepare myself to be present starting right now."
~Ren Allen
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
My daughter went to 5th grade for one week last year. That's all it took to reassure her that unschooling was the life for her. :o) I talked to her about school a lot and she seemed determined to try it. We did no prep and she did just fine academically and socially. In the end she just had better things to do.
I'd lightly investigate the idea of going to school next year with your daughter. In the meantime I'd make home as appealing as possible. She may very well change her mind before next September.
--
~Mary, unschooling mom to Conor (16) and Casey (12)
"Just today I'm going to be utterly present for my children, I'm going to be in their world (not just doing my own thing while they do theirs), I'm going to really hear them, I'm going to prepare myself to be present starting right now."
~Ren Allen
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Krisula Moyer
>>> When Tristan was in school he excelled grade-wise, always being thefirst in class to finish assignments and tests. It was quickly engrained in
him that this equaled learning and success. When you toss all the
worksheets, memorization, and such aside I can see how someone could feel
lost and completely uncertain about a new path.<<<
Maybe what Tristan is missing, in addition to social contacts , is the
feeling of competance he felt being a "successful" student. He'd learned
how to work within the system of school and was rewarded with adult
acceptance, good grades, etc.
Is there an interest he could develop that would help him feel proud of
himself and competant in the real world, now that he's free of school?
Also, there's nothing quite like sharing an interest with peers if there is
something he could do that would get him some automatic time hanging out
with people he likes who share an interest of some kind. I'm thinking of a
class like marshal arts or fine arts or a sport or music (a garage band
maybe?) . Or a club that centers around something .... video gamers,
Dungeons and dragons, chess, skateboarders (indoor of course this time of
year).
it's late so I'm gonna hit send though I'd like to fine tune this post (and
spell check it) Sorry for the rough draft.
Krisula
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Malinda Mills
<<Maybe what Tristan is missing, in addition to social contacts , is the
feeling of competance he felt being a "successful" student. He'd learned
how to work within the system of school and was rewarded with adult
acceptance, good grades, etc. >>
I hadn't thought of that angle, Krisula. For those folks that went to school, it is so ingrained in us that you must have tangible evidence, such as stickers and grades, to prove that you are successful, that you are smart. Tristan would always get worked up about grades on his papers and would be so upset and hard on himself if he didn't get a perfect score. I'm talking about a 3rd grader! I can't imagine how stressful school would be on him once he reached higher grades... :o(
When it comes to "learning" something like math through unschooling, it is such a gradual and what appears to be seamless process, that it has got to be hard for formerly schooled kids to realize that they are indeed learning.
<<Also, there's nothing quite like sharing an interest with peers if there is
something he could do that would get him some automatic time hanging out
with people he likes who share an interest of some kind.>>
Tristan does spend quite a bit of time with a few good friends (one schooled, the other two homeschooled)...typically 2 or so hours every day. That said, he isn't involved in any activities like you've mentioned. He has shown a slight interest in a few sports in the past but hates the competitive nature of them....this will roll into things like Yu-Gi-Oh tournaments and such. If there is competition involved, he isn't interested. Even with games at home, he tries to create rules so that the games are more cooperative in nature, instead of competitive.
He is such a sensitive soul that group activities can, at times, be so difficult. He participated in a cross country skiing club a bit this winter. One girl laughed at him pretty unmercifully when he kept falling on a particularly icy day, and another boy called Tristan a jerk when he accidentally skied over the back of the boy's skis. Needless to say, Tristan has not wanted to return, and I don't blame him.
I think a club like you mentioned (especially D&D), could be a great idea if we can find one that would be a good fit for Tristan. He has so many interests but hasn't really developed any one single interest fully enough for him to feel comfortable within a specific group (the cross country skiing example comes to mind).
Malinda
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
feeling of competance he felt being a "successful" student. He'd learned
how to work within the system of school and was rewarded with adult
acceptance, good grades, etc. >>
I hadn't thought of that angle, Krisula. For those folks that went to school, it is so ingrained in us that you must have tangible evidence, such as stickers and grades, to prove that you are successful, that you are smart. Tristan would always get worked up about grades on his papers and would be so upset and hard on himself if he didn't get a perfect score. I'm talking about a 3rd grader! I can't imagine how stressful school would be on him once he reached higher grades... :o(
When it comes to "learning" something like math through unschooling, it is such a gradual and what appears to be seamless process, that it has got to be hard for formerly schooled kids to realize that they are indeed learning.
<<Also, there's nothing quite like sharing an interest with peers if there is
something he could do that would get him some automatic time hanging out
with people he likes who share an interest of some kind.>>
Tristan does spend quite a bit of time with a few good friends (one schooled, the other two homeschooled)...typically 2 or so hours every day. That said, he isn't involved in any activities like you've mentioned. He has shown a slight interest in a few sports in the past but hates the competitive nature of them....this will roll into things like Yu-Gi-Oh tournaments and such. If there is competition involved, he isn't interested. Even with games at home, he tries to create rules so that the games are more cooperative in nature, instead of competitive.
He is such a sensitive soul that group activities can, at times, be so difficult. He participated in a cross country skiing club a bit this winter. One girl laughed at him pretty unmercifully when he kept falling on a particularly icy day, and another boy called Tristan a jerk when he accidentally skied over the back of the boy's skis. Needless to say, Tristan has not wanted to return, and I don't blame him.
I think a club like you mentioned (especially D&D), could be a great idea if we can find one that would be a good fit for Tristan. He has so many interests but hasn't really developed any one single interest fully enough for him to feel comfortable within a specific group (the cross country skiing example comes to mind).
Malinda
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
S Drag-teine
We have a strong D&D groups around here in Maryland. If you tell me what
area you are in - I could ask the guys what they would suggest to find other
gamers. My first suggestion would be is to see if there are any CONs in your
area. They are usually once or twice a year but they are great for people
who game. Depending on your area - my favorite is DragonCON sigh if only I
lived in Georga.
Most of them are over a weekend and no one sleeps. 72 hours hoped up on
sugar and junk food playing games and just hanging out - even at age 30
(okay I do have to actually sleep for a few hours these days and it takes me
a week to recover from the food binge) but it is still something I look
forward to every year.
Shannon
Melaleuca Customer
Join our club and swap paperback books for FREE - PaperBackSwap.com
-----Original Message-----
From: [email protected]
[mailto:[email protected]] On Behalf Of Malinda Mills
Sent: Tuesday, February 28, 2006 2:57 PM
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] Re: Re: When children have doubts about
unschooling
<<Maybe what Tristan is missing, in addition to social contacts , is the
feeling of competance he felt being a "successful" student. He'd learned
how to work within the system of school and was rewarded with adult
acceptance, good grades, etc. >>
I hadn't thought of that angle, Krisula. For those folks that went to
school, it is so ingrained in us that you must have tangible evidence, such
as stickers and grades, to prove that you are successful, that you are
smart. Tristan would always get worked up about grades on his papers and
would be so upset and hard on himself if he didn't get a perfect score. I'm
talking about a 3rd grader! I can't imagine how stressful school would be
on him once he reached higher grades... :o(
When it comes to "learning" something like math through unschooling, it is
such a gradual and what appears to be seamless process, that it has got to
be hard for formerly schooled kids to realize that they are indeed learning.
<<Also, there's nothing quite like sharing an interest with peers if there
is
something he could do that would get him some automatic time hanging out
with people he likes who share an interest of some kind.>>
Tristan does spend quite a bit of time with a few good friends (one
schooled, the other two homeschooled)...typically 2 or so hours every day.
That said, he isn't involved in any activities like you've mentioned. He
has shown a slight interest in a few sports in the past but hates the
competitive nature of them....this will roll into things like Yu-Gi-Oh
tournaments and such. If there is competition involved, he isn't
interested. Even with games at home, he tries to create rules so that the
games are more cooperative in nature, instead of competitive.
He is such a sensitive soul that group activities can, at times, be so
difficult. He participated in a cross country skiing club a bit this
winter. One girl laughed at him pretty unmercifully when he kept falling on
a particularly icy day, and another boy called Tristan a jerk when he
accidentally skied over the back of the boy's skis. Needless to say,
Tristan has not wanted to return, and I don't blame him.
I think a club like you mentioned (especially D&D), could be a great idea if
we can find one that would be a good fit for Tristan. He has so many
interests but hasn't really developed any one single interest fully enough
for him to feel comfortable within a specific group (the cross country
skiing example comes to mind).
Malinda
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Yahoo! Groups Links
area you are in - I could ask the guys what they would suggest to find other
gamers. My first suggestion would be is to see if there are any CONs in your
area. They are usually once or twice a year but they are great for people
who game. Depending on your area - my favorite is DragonCON sigh if only I
lived in Georga.
Most of them are over a weekend and no one sleeps. 72 hours hoped up on
sugar and junk food playing games and just hanging out - even at age 30
(okay I do have to actually sleep for a few hours these days and it takes me
a week to recover from the food binge) but it is still something I look
forward to every year.
Shannon
Melaleuca Customer
Join our club and swap paperback books for FREE - PaperBackSwap.com
-----Original Message-----
From: [email protected]
[mailto:[email protected]] On Behalf Of Malinda Mills
Sent: Tuesday, February 28, 2006 2:57 PM
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] Re: Re: When children have doubts about
unschooling
<<Maybe what Tristan is missing, in addition to social contacts , is the
feeling of competance he felt being a "successful" student. He'd learned
how to work within the system of school and was rewarded with adult
acceptance, good grades, etc. >>
I hadn't thought of that angle, Krisula. For those folks that went to
school, it is so ingrained in us that you must have tangible evidence, such
as stickers and grades, to prove that you are successful, that you are
smart. Tristan would always get worked up about grades on his papers and
would be so upset and hard on himself if he didn't get a perfect score. I'm
talking about a 3rd grader! I can't imagine how stressful school would be
on him once he reached higher grades... :o(
When it comes to "learning" something like math through unschooling, it is
such a gradual and what appears to be seamless process, that it has got to
be hard for formerly schooled kids to realize that they are indeed learning.
<<Also, there's nothing quite like sharing an interest with peers if there
is
something he could do that would get him some automatic time hanging out
with people he likes who share an interest of some kind.>>
Tristan does spend quite a bit of time with a few good friends (one
schooled, the other two homeschooled)...typically 2 or so hours every day.
That said, he isn't involved in any activities like you've mentioned. He
has shown a slight interest in a few sports in the past but hates the
competitive nature of them....this will roll into things like Yu-Gi-Oh
tournaments and such. If there is competition involved, he isn't
interested. Even with games at home, he tries to create rules so that the
games are more cooperative in nature, instead of competitive.
He is such a sensitive soul that group activities can, at times, be so
difficult. He participated in a cross country skiing club a bit this
winter. One girl laughed at him pretty unmercifully when he kept falling on
a particularly icy day, and another boy called Tristan a jerk when he
accidentally skied over the back of the boy's skis. Needless to say,
Tristan has not wanted to return, and I don't blame him.
I think a club like you mentioned (especially D&D), could be a great idea if
we can find one that would be a good fit for Tristan. He has so many
interests but hasn't really developed any one single interest fully enough
for him to feel comfortable within a specific group (the cross country
skiing example comes to mind).
Malinda
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
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Sheila Plant
We talked about homeschooling for a long time but my kids liked school, so we reserved it as an option for when they wanted. I enrolled them in a small school and taught at their school; this seemed like the next best thing to homeschooling.
Katrina blew into our lives and changed a lot of things. We lived in Waveland, MS. Since we lost our home we went to live with relatives while my DH got his work transfered to the DC area.
The kids and I embraced homeschooling - traveling across the states twice was really fun, (carschooling). We knew we needed a break. Time to curl up on the couch and read all day if that was what we wanted to do. As a nontraditional teacher, I had already been reading unschooling information. After Christmas I decided not to start back with our homeschooling but let the kids (girl 12 and boy 8) slide into unschooling. They came to me in Mid January upset that I hadn't been telling them what to do. Can you believe it? I was saddened to realize how programed for the positive feedback they had been in school.
So, we had a big discussion about this. Both kids were working in the math program at a level above their grade. They had a big confidence boost when they went into the next grades' classrooms. This was important to them to keep "ahead in". So we do a math program that matches what they would be doing in school (Chicago Everyday Math). Everything else is as they want to do it. Kids that have been in school are acutely aware of what the "others" are doing. So my solutions was for them to set goals for themselves. If they want to do math or whatever then they set that goal and do it. In our discussion I told them it was important to me that I was not in a roll of demanding that they do certain tasks. And they also need to realize that they are doing these things now for themselves and not to be the top in the class. This was harder for my dd at 12 and used to being at the top.
They also have maintained their sense of humor about all this. If they write a letter orhelp me grocery shop and figure some math at the check out stand one of them will say, "So mom you would count this as a school day wouldn't you?" My standard reply is that everyday is a school day becasue we learn something.
Heavy eyerolling at this point.
Anyway I think that goals are useful if you set them for yourself. And for a school kid coming to unschooling having the freedom to set some goals and then get there will feel great.
plantclan
---------------------------------
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Katrina blew into our lives and changed a lot of things. We lived in Waveland, MS. Since we lost our home we went to live with relatives while my DH got his work transfered to the DC area.
The kids and I embraced homeschooling - traveling across the states twice was really fun, (carschooling). We knew we needed a break. Time to curl up on the couch and read all day if that was what we wanted to do. As a nontraditional teacher, I had already been reading unschooling information. After Christmas I decided not to start back with our homeschooling but let the kids (girl 12 and boy 8) slide into unschooling. They came to me in Mid January upset that I hadn't been telling them what to do. Can you believe it? I was saddened to realize how programed for the positive feedback they had been in school.
So, we had a big discussion about this. Both kids were working in the math program at a level above their grade. They had a big confidence boost when they went into the next grades' classrooms. This was important to them to keep "ahead in". So we do a math program that matches what they would be doing in school (Chicago Everyday Math). Everything else is as they want to do it. Kids that have been in school are acutely aware of what the "others" are doing. So my solutions was for them to set goals for themselves. If they want to do math or whatever then they set that goal and do it. In our discussion I told them it was important to me that I was not in a roll of demanding that they do certain tasks. And they also need to realize that they are doing these things now for themselves and not to be the top in the class. This was harder for my dd at 12 and used to being at the top.
They also have maintained their sense of humor about all this. If they write a letter orhelp me grocery shop and figure some math at the check out stand one of them will say, "So mom you would count this as a school day wouldn't you?" My standard reply is that everyday is a school day becasue we learn something.
Heavy eyerolling at this point.
Anyway I think that goals are useful if you set them for yourself. And for a school kid coming to unschooling having the freedom to set some goals and then get there will feel great.
plantclan
---------------------------------
Yahoo! Mail
Bring photos to life! New PhotoMail makes sharing a breeze.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Malinda Mills
Thanks for the suggestions, Shannon! I'm guessing CONs = gaming conventions? Or something very similar? The 72 hours of straight gaming remind me of my college friends who would game all weekend, every weekend. *grin* BTW...we're in Fairbanks, Alaska. :o)
We have a comic shop very close to our house that hosts a variety of activities on the weekends. From the looks of it, it is mainly TCG get togethers...Yu-Gi-Oh, Magic, and the like. I think in our area that would be a great starting place to ask questions about gaming groups. Tristan has never shown much interest in all the activity when we are in the shop, but he may be a bit intimidated by it all....SO many folks and not being real knowledgeable about any of the games.
DH gamed and DM'ed for years. Once he returns from Iraq, I can see him and Tristan getting heavy into gaming and having a terrific time. Tristan and I have only touched the surface (all the rules go WAY over my head!), and I know Jody will be able to show him the ropes when it comes to D&D.
Malinda
We have a comic shop very close to our house that hosts a variety of activities on the weekends. From the looks of it, it is mainly TCG get togethers...Yu-Gi-Oh, Magic, and the like. I think in our area that would be a great starting place to ask questions about gaming groups. Tristan has never shown much interest in all the activity when we are in the shop, but he may be a bit intimidated by it all....SO many folks and not being real knowledgeable about any of the games.
DH gamed and DM'ed for years. Once he returns from Iraq, I can see him and Tristan getting heavy into gaming and having a terrific time. Tristan and I have only touched the surface (all the rules go WAY over my head!), and I know Jody will be able to show him the ropes when it comes to D&D.
Malinda
----- Original Message -----
From: S Drag-teine
To: [email protected]
Sent: Tuesday, February 28, 2006 12:31 PM
Subject: RE: [unschoolingbasics] Re: Re: When children have doubts about unschooling
We have a strong D&D groups around here in Maryland. If you tell me what
area you are in - I could ask the guys what they would suggest to find other
gamers. My first suggestion would be is to see if there are any CONs in your
area.
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