Jennifer Green brought this out from the group in which it had been posted, August 6, 2013, with this intro:

I came across something I wanted to share with those who are interested. This was written by a friend and posted to an unschooler facebook page that she runs. I found it to be a beautiful and whole description of what has happened where the Martin family is concerned. Even more interesting were the many comments that were left, stating that Dayna had no place in their lives as they never felt comfortable following her in the first place. This brought a little peace as it reminded me that Dayna had not gotten to everyone. Some unschoolers have been left untouched by her manipulations. Here is the post written by Krystal Trammell and posted in the Cen Tex unschooling group.........Jennifer Green

I owe you all an apology. Part of me knew this was coming, but nobody wants to believe bad things about people if they don't have to, yk? I feel sad, and angry - angry that the lifestyle that I call unschooling has been overshadowed and redefined by someone who does NOT define what unschooling is all about. I'm talking about Dayna Martin.

Several months ago, I invited you all to be part of the Whole Life Unschooling Group. This group is run by the Martins, and it really blew up in membership after the airing of their Wife Swap show. I did warn that the group could get "intense" - but I didn't realize how often BAD advice gets disseminated in that group, even by the very people who run it. Posts get deleted, rudeness runs rampant, and people who are curious about unschooling get turned off to it, or worse, turned away by folks who have a one-right-way mentality about unschooling. There's almost a cult-feel to that group - but the group is not even the worst of the problem.

If you're in that group, or follow Dayna Martin on facebook, you are probably aware of her "going thru a tough time", having "someone slandering her", etc. Maybe you've even extended sympathy to her and her family, feeling a connection to her as such a public face of the unschooling movement. The thing is, many people have been unschooling a lot longer than the Martins. This isn't some social-experiment we're running here - there are many people who have been quietly unschooling for decades and decades, with adult children older than me. There are second-generation unschoolers in the world. The grand majority of these folks were not published authors or international speakers or actively trying to turn unschooling into a profitable business venture.

I personally learned about Dayna Martin in 2008 or so, when I was "coming back" to other aspects of life besides survival, after my lengthy and stressful divorce. We had been unschooling at that point for nearly 5 years already, however. It's not like I could have missed her on the message boards or overlooked her website, etc. Nobody had heard of her prior to her bursting into the public eye as an "expert". (This was on the Dr. Phil show, incidentally, in 2007.)

It deeply saddens me to say that the Rethinking Everything Conference in DFW - which has gone on for 16 years - recently changed hands. The Martins acquired RE after last year's conference, and it's been a downhill slide from there. Speakers are cancelling left and right, people are asking for refunds and being blown off. The long and short of it is that the Martins are not at all who they have claimed to be, and there are a LOT of people now coming forward with stories of their betrayal, deceit, fraud, and worse.

So I want to apologize to you all, if I led you to believe in the Martins' advice. If I suggested that you join their group and then you felt disrespected there - or experienced rudeness, drama, etc over there. I want to scream from the rooftops that unschooling is NOT defined by what Dayna and Joe Martin say it is. My kids are not like their kids; we do not parent exactly the way they parent - I don't want to be tarred with that broad, public brush that they've created. Unschooling is not a business, nor is it a religion. It's certainly not a free-for-all where parents get trampled on by their kids.

If you're struggling, second-guessing yourself, trying to find balance and peace, but sometimes still having a bad day...sometimes, yelling...but still striving to find patience, still expecting and needing your children to cooperate with the flow of family life, and what's best for everyone... YES. That is OKAY. People like Dayna Martin make the rest of us feel like losers if we are struggling, because it looks like she's got it all together. People like her perpetuate these sorts of illusions and then present themselves as gurus who can help you fix all your problems. The thing is, *you don't need a guru.* There's nobody out there who can come in and install unschooling or peaceful parenting in your home. It will look different for everyone. Each family's goals may be similar, but they won't all get there in the same way.

Trust yourSELVES - but don't be afraid to break the box open, yk? Sometimes good changes can be scary or painful - but look to your children, and to the feelings of your family as a whole, to determine your individual path. Honor your child, but don't let him dishonor others, either. Each of us deserves freedom, but only to the boundaries of another's freedom - yours ends where mine begins. That is the basis of respectful, autonomous cooperation in relationships.

If you've been a fan or follower of Dayna Martin, and especially if you've paid any money for any of her books, services, the Rethinking Everything conference happening this month - PLEASE look into the many, many allegations of fraud and deceit that are surfacing against her and Joe. There's a facebook group called Clearinghouse, temporary, which is public and open for anyone to read but not comment on, which exists for the purpose of collecting tangible evidence from everyone who's been burned by the Martins, financially, legally, professionally, personally, etc. There's also pages on Sandra Dodd's website (google 'Sandra Dodd unschooling') which are now there to provide a timeline and information of Dayna's claims, so that people who are considering involvement with her professionally can have a clear awareness of things she's done and things she hasn't, but has claimed to. There's a blog by Jennifer Green called "dealing with a guru", that chronicles the unfolding of events involving Dayna coming to Texas to provide her "unnanny services" to a family. It turned into an utter fiasco which harmed both the Greens and the family she was there to help.

I say all this not to be gossipy, but to bring awareness of the fullness and entirety with which Dayna Martin has taken advantage of those who want to embrace the unschooling lifestyle. Like I said, nobody wants to believe bad things of people, but in this case, it's not one or two or even ten people making these claims - it's an avalanche. An absolute deluge of irrefutable claims.

I am deeply, deeply saddened by what has transpired, and yet, I'm angry that the person who decided to appropriate the public image of unschooling turned out to be this way. The word unschooling has become synonymous with "Dayna Martin" - not because of genuine, heartfelt living of the unschooling life, but because she saw a niche that she could market to and claimed it. She took ownership of "unschooling" without even fully understanding it, and now I feel like I can't even use that term to describe my family without people misunderstanding it, and us, because of her.

So, here we are. That's all I've got. I encourage you to look into unschooling and unconditional, peaceful parenting on your own, from a place of wanting to connect more genuinely with your children, of wanting to shed the expert-model of relating to them, wanting to see them as more than their test scores or abilities. If you're gonna give money to someone to help with that, at least make sure they're not all smoke-n-mirrors first. If something sounds impossible, maybe look into it deeper. Trust yourself, trust your kids, and focus on love and connection instead of worries or fears or "what-ifs".

In love and light,
~ Krystal