April M

I haven't responded to any of the posts about cleaning and clutter and all
that....but I have been reading and enjoying and thinking.
So here are some of my thoughts I'll share....
I'm not a great housekeeper...never have been. And I was raised doing all
kinds of chores...I was raised by a single mom so my sister and I were
expected to help out, I learned to cook and clean...I love to cook, I hate
to clean. After we had kids, I tried things like assigned chores and chore
charts and schedules....and it never worked because I could never follow
them. I couldn't justify asking my kids to do what I couldn't do. So we have
evolved into helping out as needed. When my kids were little, the oldest was
always messy and cluttered, the younger girl was neat and organized...by
nature, not my doing!....Now as 18 and 15 year olds...there rooms are mostly
spotless, organized and they do their own laundry. I never 'made' them
clean their rooms, I only helped when they asked, they haven't had
consistent structure with chores and certainly not a very good example, and
yet their rooms look just the way they want them (and usually cleaner than
my room!). My boys share a room and it's less neat than the girls, but is
the way they like it for now. They clean it when they feel it needs it. My
15 year old hates a messy kitchen, so she is often the one that cleans it. I
try to keep it under control out of respect for her needs....but it doesn't
take much for it to get out of hand....my oldest usually keeps the bathroom
clean, the boys help out as asked, they rarely mind and they can almost
always say no.....my house isn't spotless and I have been blessed (or
cursed, depending on who you ask) with the ability to not see a lot of
clutter and mess most of the time. My poor dh was raised by a neat-nic,
white couch, no toys in the living room kind of mom....he's adjusted pretty
well.

But here are some of my thoughts on all this...I lost a parent and
grandparent to cancer as a young child. I have lived with knowing how short
life is....and how sudden things can change....I had other losses I won't go
into here....but I decided a long time ago that life is short and who cares
what my house is like now.....when the kids were little, we had toys in the
living room. A lot of toys, most of their toys, because I wanted to be with
my kids, not send them to their rooms to play. A very strange concept to my
dh. He liked the idea...mostly....but would sometimes complain after
tripping over something or seeing yet again, piles of legos and blocks....I
assured him that one day, the kids would be older and we wouldn't have toys
in the living room....and you know what? That day is here. Not a single toy
is in our living room. Now we have kids here all the time...and they will
always be welcome because this time will pass as well. We drive the kids and
their friends a lot.....and sometimes it's a pain and inconvenient, but this
time will pass. My husband is an artist in his spare time and uses found
objects for his art...he is always bringing home 'treasures' and they often
sit in the living room until there is time to put them in his studio....and
I rarely complain, because...someday he could be gone....stuff is so trivial
compared to that. I guess perspective and priorities.....mine are usually
different than most of the worlds....and I used to think I was the one that
was wrong. And none of this means that there aren't days when I wish the
house was clean, really clean or that we had nicer things (less kid
friendly) or whatever. But when the kids were little, I used to have days
where I wished for a bit more personal space, or a full night's sleep or
whatever and the day has come, as I knew it would.

On the lighter side, my husband does occasionally comment that the day will
come when we are empty nesters (which we are not in a hurry for, but it will
come) and then the house will be clean and picked up on a consistent
basis....Poor man is in for such a shock...I just don't think I have that in
me....kids or no kids! ;)

~April
Mom to Kate-18, Lisa-15, Karl-13, & Ben-9.
*REACH Homeschool Group, an inclusive group meeting throughout Oakland
County.. http://www.homeschoolingonashoestring.com/REACH_home.html
*Michigan Youth Theater...Acting On Our Dreams...
<http://www.michiganyouththeater.org/>
"Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it." ~~ Dennis P.
Kimbro









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Game-Enthusiast

and then the house will be clean and picked up on a consistent
basis....Poor man is in for such a shock...I just don't think I have that in
me....kids or no kids! ;)

~April
--------------------------------------
LOL! But even if you do it once in a while, it'll stay that way longer. I
enjoyed reading what you wrote. Lots of good points were made.
Angela
game-enthusiast@... <mailto:game-enthusiast@...> On



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[email protected]

In a message dated 9/7/04 9:07:04 AM, abmorris23@... writes:

<< My husband is an artist in his spare time and uses found
objects for his art...he is always bringing home 'treasures' and they often
sit in the living room until there is time to put them in his studio....and
I rarely complain, because...someday he could be gone >>

That is so sweet and true.

Keith snored loudly for a few years, and lately he has stopped. Sometimes it
scares me if I wake up and realize I haven't heard him, and I listen very
closely for the breathing.

Kirby's getting older and doesn't come home as soon as he used to when he
goes somewhere. I could be grumpy about that, but I always know where he is (or
know who will know), and he always DOES come home. So I'm being philosophical
and grateful, because the day will soon come when I won't know where he is
all the time, because it's none of my business, and the day will come when I'll
be lucky if he comes home once in a month or six.

Sandra

Carmen McFarlin

April,
Thanks for the reality check. It's so easy to find myself in a pool
of pity and sorrow, feeling sorry for myself as I pick up the same
toy for the thousandth time (who's the fool here?!)...but what a
joy, what a blessing to have that child that brings out that toy, a
gift from them to me! It will all be over so quickly, so, again,
thanks for the reminder to enjoy it!

Carmen
Austin, TX

--- In [email protected], "April M"
<abmorris23@c...> wrote:
. I have lived with knowing how short
> life is....and how sudden things can change....I had other losses
I won't go
> into here....but I decided a long time ago that life is short and
who cares
> what my house is like now.....when the kids were little, we had
toys in the
> living room.
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]