Sharing Again
Game-Enthusiast
Sharing.
I don't believe that by making kids share that they will automatically
become generous people. I also think that kids are held to higher standards
than adults when it comes to sharing. While an adult wouldn't generally
feel compelled to let anyone (let alone a two year old) play with their
expensive important X, children are expected to share their toys whether or
not they saved for a year to buy it or not and whether or not they know the
child or how responsible they are and whether or not they feel quite sure
that they will get back their item unharmed and whole. I have never made my
kids share and I have always let them put away things that they don't want
to share before company arrived. With their close friends, they share
generously and from the heart. They know and trust these children and
sharing isn't an issue at all.
Why am I writing? Because it makes me feel bad under certain circumstances,
that's why. At the conference my dd's brought their very special (it
usually takes them 3 months or more to save and buy one with their small
allowance, without spending it on anything else) Breyer horses. It was my
idea. I thought that other children who like horses might bring theirs and
they could all play together. That worked very well with a couple of
children and they made a couple of friends that way. They all had their
horses and they played together and shared. They even shared with a little
girl who didn't have horses because she was respectful of them and their
stuff and they could feel that.
Sadly, though, the horses were a draw to many smaller children who
continually asked to play with them. Some children approached them and just
took their horses. Another time a teenager who was watching a small child
told the child to go up and ask *which* horse he could play with, instead of
asking *if* he could play with one. It was overwhelming to me and to my
kids. My kids didn't feel safe sharing with the multitude of children who
all wanted to play with their horses. They ended up putting them away
completely or playing with one horse at a time so they wouldn't have to deal
with the onslaught of children asking to play with their horses. I felt like
we were being stalked by one child who kept tracking us down, looking for
their bags of horses so he could take one. I just felt awful. I felt like
I was hoarding them and hiding them. But I also felt like it isn't up to me
to allow other children to play with my children's things. (they aren't mine
to give permission to use.) I wasn't going to dismiss my own children's
feelings on the issue and *make* them share or coerce them to share. I know
that many people just expect children to share regardless of the
circumstances and it makes me feel really bad. It's still bugging me.
I explained to some children that the girls weren't comfortable sharing
right now. If my girls were handling it fine, I let them deal with it.
Other than feeling frustrated, they did fine telling the other children
gently, that they didn't want to play right now or that they weren't
comfortable sharing right now. My kids play best with one or two friends at
a time. They just don't feel comfortable in large groups. Just coming to
the conference was stressful to us all.
I am confident that children should be allowed to choose who they share
their toys with. I want to not feel so badly about my choice to let them
decide. Do I just need to get a spine? Feeling bad to some extent, must be
normal, but I shouldn't still be thinking about it days later.
To add to my concern, we came home and dd's told dh what happened...that
everyone seemed to want their horses. They said they put them away instead
of handing them out to all the kids and he said something to the effect that
they must have seemed really selfish to have done that. I've talked with
him about the whole sharing thing. I mentioned that he wouldn't just give
over his laptop or palm pilot to any two year old who wanted to play with
it.
I feel stingy just sending this out to the list. I'd like to get over it.
Ideas welcomed.
Angela
game-enthusiast@...
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I don't believe that by making kids share that they will automatically
become generous people. I also think that kids are held to higher standards
than adults when it comes to sharing. While an adult wouldn't generally
feel compelled to let anyone (let alone a two year old) play with their
expensive important X, children are expected to share their toys whether or
not they saved for a year to buy it or not and whether or not they know the
child or how responsible they are and whether or not they feel quite sure
that they will get back their item unharmed and whole. I have never made my
kids share and I have always let them put away things that they don't want
to share before company arrived. With their close friends, they share
generously and from the heart. They know and trust these children and
sharing isn't an issue at all.
Why am I writing? Because it makes me feel bad under certain circumstances,
that's why. At the conference my dd's brought their very special (it
usually takes them 3 months or more to save and buy one with their small
allowance, without spending it on anything else) Breyer horses. It was my
idea. I thought that other children who like horses might bring theirs and
they could all play together. That worked very well with a couple of
children and they made a couple of friends that way. They all had their
horses and they played together and shared. They even shared with a little
girl who didn't have horses because she was respectful of them and their
stuff and they could feel that.
Sadly, though, the horses were a draw to many smaller children who
continually asked to play with them. Some children approached them and just
took their horses. Another time a teenager who was watching a small child
told the child to go up and ask *which* horse he could play with, instead of
asking *if* he could play with one. It was overwhelming to me and to my
kids. My kids didn't feel safe sharing with the multitude of children who
all wanted to play with their horses. They ended up putting them away
completely or playing with one horse at a time so they wouldn't have to deal
with the onslaught of children asking to play with their horses. I felt like
we were being stalked by one child who kept tracking us down, looking for
their bags of horses so he could take one. I just felt awful. I felt like
I was hoarding them and hiding them. But I also felt like it isn't up to me
to allow other children to play with my children's things. (they aren't mine
to give permission to use.) I wasn't going to dismiss my own children's
feelings on the issue and *make* them share or coerce them to share. I know
that many people just expect children to share regardless of the
circumstances and it makes me feel really bad. It's still bugging me.
I explained to some children that the girls weren't comfortable sharing
right now. If my girls were handling it fine, I let them deal with it.
Other than feeling frustrated, they did fine telling the other children
gently, that they didn't want to play right now or that they weren't
comfortable sharing right now. My kids play best with one or two friends at
a time. They just don't feel comfortable in large groups. Just coming to
the conference was stressful to us all.
I am confident that children should be allowed to choose who they share
their toys with. I want to not feel so badly about my choice to let them
decide. Do I just need to get a spine? Feeling bad to some extent, must be
normal, but I shouldn't still be thinking about it days later.
To add to my concern, we came home and dd's told dh what happened...that
everyone seemed to want their horses. They said they put them away instead
of handing them out to all the kids and he said something to the effect that
they must have seemed really selfish to have done that. I've talked with
him about the whole sharing thing. I mentioned that he wouldn't just give
over his laptop or palm pilot to any two year old who wanted to play with
it.
I feel stingy just sending this out to the list. I'd like to get over it.
Ideas welcomed.
Angela
game-enthusiast@...
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Jessie
I hear you on that one!!! You're in Maine right? Have you heard of Pam
Leo? She has a fabulous idea related to sharing at home... she has a
box of her own toys so when another child comes over, she shares the
toys in that box. It helps her granddaughter (who she's raising) to not
have to share her stuff but many times she does because she chooses to
which I'm sure feels a whole lot better than being forced!! I never
feel like a friend's child should HAVE to share with mine. I really try
to bring them something of their won to play with in social
situations...
I don't think you should worry about it!!! Your daughters have every
right not to share!!
:)
Jessie (still wondering if our paths ever passed at the conference....)
Leo? She has a fabulous idea related to sharing at home... she has a
box of her own toys so when another child comes over, she shares the
toys in that box. It helps her granddaughter (who she's raising) to not
have to share her stuff but many times she does because she chooses to
which I'm sure feels a whole lot better than being forced!! I never
feel like a friend's child should HAVE to share with mine. I really try
to bring them something of their won to play with in social
situations...
I don't think you should worry about it!!! Your daughters have every
right not to share!!
:)
Jessie (still wondering if our paths ever passed at the conference....)
On Aug 31, 2004, at 12:39 PM, Game-Enthusiast wrote:
> Sharing.
>
> I don't believe that by making kids share that they will automatically
> become generous people.� I also think that kids are held to higher
> standards
> than adults when it comes to sharing.� While an adult wouldn't
> generally
> feel compelled to let anyone (let alone a two year old) play with
> their
> expensive important X, children are expected to share their toys
> whether or
> not they saved for a year to buy it or not and whether or not they
> know the
> child or how responsible they are and whether or not they feel quite
> sure
> that they will get back their item unharmed and whole.� I have never
> made my
> kids share and I have always let them put away things that they don't
> want
> to share before company arrived.� With their close friends, they share
> generously and from the heart.� They know and trust these children and
> sharing isn't an issue at all.
>
> Why am I writing?� Because it makes me feel bad under certain
> circumstances,
> that's why.� At the conference my dd's brought their very special (it
> usually takes them 3 months or more to save and buy one with their
> small
> allowance, without spending it on anything else) Breyer horses.� It
> was my
> idea.� I thought that other children who like horses might bring
> theirs and
> they could all play together.� That worked very well with a couple of
> children and they made a couple of friends that way.� They all had
> their
> horses and they played together and shared.� They even shared with a
> little
> girl who didn't have horses because she was respectful of them and
> their
> stuff and they could feel that.�
>
> Sadly, though, the horses were a draw to many smaller children who
> continually asked to play with them.� Some children approached them
> and just
> took their horses.� Another time a teenager who was watching a small
> child
> told the child to go up and ask *which* horse he could play with,
> instead of
> asking *if* he could play with one.� It was overwhelming to me and to
> my
> kids.� My kids didn't feel safe sharing with the multitude of
> children who
> all wanted to play with their horses.� They ended up putting them away
> completely or playing with one horse at a time so they wouldn't have
> to deal
> with the onslaught of children asking to play with their horses. I
> felt like
> we were being stalked by one child who kept tracking us down, looking
> for
> their bags of horses so he could take one.� I just felt awful.� I
> felt like
> I was hoarding them and hiding them.� But I also felt like it isn't
> up to me
> to allow other children to play with my children's things. (they
> aren't mine
> to give permission to use.)�� I wasn't going to dismiss my own
> children's
> feelings on the issue and *make* them share or coerce them to share.�
> I know
> that many people just expect children to share regardless of the
> circumstances and it makes me feel really bad.� It's still bugging
> me.��
>
> I explained to some children that the girls weren't comfortable
> sharing
> right now.� If my girls were handling it fine, I let them deal with
> it.
> Other than feeling frustrated, they did fine telling the other
> children
> gently, that they didn't want to play right now or that they weren't
> comfortable sharing right now.� My kids play best with one or two
> friends at
> a time.� They just don't feel comfortable in large groups.� Just
> coming to
> the conference was stressful to us all.
>
> I am confident that children should be allowed to choose who they
> share
> their toys with.� I want to not feel so badly about my choice to let
> them
> decide.� Do I just need to get a spine?� Feeling bad to some extent,
> must be
> normal, but I shouldn't still be thinking about it days later.
>
> To add to my concern, we came home and dd's told dh what
> happened...that
> everyone seemed to want their horses.� They said they put them away
> instead
> of handing them out to all the kids and he said something to the
> effect that
> they must have seemed really selfish to have done that.� I've talked
> with
> him about the whole sharing thing.� I mentioned that he wouldn't just
> give
> over his laptop or palm pilot to any two year old who wanted to play
> with
> it.�
>
> I feel stingy just sending this out to the list.� I'd like to get
> over it.
> Ideas welcomed.
>
> Angela
> game-enthusiast@...
>
>
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
>
> "List Posting Policies" are provided in the files area of this group.
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
pam sorooshian
Sweetie - I wouldn't make my daughter share her Breyer horses, either
(maybe only those with that particular love really can understand how
MUCH they love those plastic forms <G>). But taking them to a
conference and playing with them in front of other children, but not
sharing? That's not the same as just not making them share.
I think it is the equivalent of creating an "attractive nuisance" - I
know that when my girls were little, if you'd showed up with a bunch of
Breyer horses, I'd have spent the entire weekend having to tell them,
"No, those aren't yours and they don't want you to play with them." It
would have made my own weekend very very difficult.
So - hope you can see it from others' points of view in that way.
-pam
(maybe only those with that particular love really can understand how
MUCH they love those plastic forms <G>). But taking them to a
conference and playing with them in front of other children, but not
sharing? That's not the same as just not making them share.
I think it is the equivalent of creating an "attractive nuisance" - I
know that when my girls were little, if you'd showed up with a bunch of
Breyer horses, I'd have spent the entire weekend having to tell them,
"No, those aren't yours and they don't want you to play with them." It
would have made my own weekend very very difficult.
So - hope you can see it from others' points of view in that way.
-pam
On Aug 31, 2004, at 9:39 AM, Game-Enthusiast wrote:
> I wasn't going to dismiss my own children's
> feelings on the issue and *make* them share or coerce them to share.
National Home Education Network
<www.NHEN.org>
Serving the entire homeschooling community since 1999
through information, networking and public relations.
Game-Enthusiast
So - hope you can see it from others' points of view in that way.
-pam
-----------------------------------
So do you think we just shouldn't have brought them at all or kept them in
our room? I do understand how difficult it was for the other kids. That's
why I feel so badly. It was also the only idea that I had ( a way to break
the ice) to help my own children find someone to play with that they would
have a common interest with. I can't imagine them not having something to
do while I listened to all the speakers.
Still conflicted,
Angela
<mailto:game-enthusiast@...> game-enthusiast@...
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
-pam
-----------------------------------
So do you think we just shouldn't have brought them at all or kept them in
our room? I do understand how difficult it was for the other kids. That's
why I feel so badly. It was also the only idea that I had ( a way to break
the ice) to help my own children find someone to play with that they would
have a common interest with. I can't imagine them not having something to
do while I listened to all the speakers.
Still conflicted,
Angela
<mailto:game-enthusiast@...> game-enthusiast@...
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
pam sorooshian
On Aug 31, 2004, at 10:08 AM, Game-Enthusiast wrote:
want to share and that that was PERFECTLY okay - but that you don't
trot things out in front of other kids and then not share (get the pun?
<G>).
Instead, bring things to do - to break the ice and keep them occupied -
which DO involve sharing - that's the best way to have fun. I sometimes
picked up little things at sales - little games or toys - that I could
put into a bag and bring out at the park or other group activities.
Since these were things that my kids would have no attachment to,
they'd be happier sharing. This is something that would help attract
other kids, give them something to do together, so they'd make friends.
-pam
National Home Education Network
<www.NHEN.org>
Serving the entire homeschooling community since 1999
through information, networking and public relations.
> So do you think we just shouldn't have brought them at all or keptYes I think you should have explained to them that you knew they didn't
> them in
> our room? I do understand how difficult it was for the other kids.
> That's
> why I feel so badly. It was also the only idea that I had ( a way to
> break
> the ice) to help my own children find someone to play with that they
> would
> have a common interest with. I can't imagine them not having
> something to
> do while I listened to all the speakers.
> Still conflicted,
> Angela
want to share and that that was PERFECTLY okay - but that you don't
trot things out in front of other kids and then not share (get the pun?
<G>).
Instead, bring things to do - to break the ice and keep them occupied -
which DO involve sharing - that's the best way to have fun. I sometimes
picked up little things at sales - little games or toys - that I could
put into a bag and bring out at the park or other group activities.
Since these were things that my kids would have no attachment to,
they'd be happier sharing. This is something that would help attract
other kids, give them something to do together, so they'd make friends.
-pam
National Home Education Network
<www.NHEN.org>
Serving the entire homeschooling community since 1999
through information, networking and public relations.
Jessie
I can see where you are coming from, Pam, but I can also see where
Angela is coming from. Some kids have STRONG attachments to things and
feel more secure if those things are with them at all times. I wouldn't
leave my digital camera at home because it may cause someone to be
upset if I didn't want to share it. And I may not be so forthcoming in
handing it over to a stranger to inspect either... it all depends on my
vibe from the interested person. I don't think its asking a lot to
teach our kids that sometimes others don't want to share their
possessions. My daughter Ella (4) has understood that since she was 2.
If someone doesn't want to share, she gets it, because she doesn't have
to share either. I find that kids who are not forced to share are much
more likely to share.
~Jessie
Angela is coming from. Some kids have STRONG attachments to things and
feel more secure if those things are with them at all times. I wouldn't
leave my digital camera at home because it may cause someone to be
upset if I didn't want to share it. And I may not be so forthcoming in
handing it over to a stranger to inspect either... it all depends on my
vibe from the interested person. I don't think its asking a lot to
teach our kids that sometimes others don't want to share their
possessions. My daughter Ella (4) has understood that since she was 2.
If someone doesn't want to share, she gets it, because she doesn't have
to share either. I find that kids who are not forced to share are much
more likely to share.
~Jessie
On Aug 31, 2004, at 1:51 PM, pam sorooshian wrote:
>
> On Aug 31, 2004, at 10:08 AM, Game-Enthusiast wrote:
>
> > So do you think we just shouldn't have brought them at all or kept
> > them in
> > our room?� I do understand how difficult it was for the other kids.�
> > That's
> > why I feel so badly.� It was also the only idea that I had ( a way
> to
> > break
> > the ice) to help my own children find someone to play with that they
> > would
> > have a common interest with.� I can't imagine them not having
> > something to
> > do while I listened to all the speakers.
> > Still conflicted,
> > Angela
>
> Yes I think you should have explained to them that you knew they
> didn't
> want to share and that that was PERFECTLY okay - but that you don't
> trot things out in front of other kids and then not share (get the
> pun?
> <G>).
>
> Instead, bring things to do - to break the ice and keep them occupied
> -
> which DO involve sharing - that's the best way to have fun. I
> sometimes
> picked up little things at sales - little games or toys - that I could
> put into a bag and bring out at the park or other group activities.
> Since these were things that my kids would have no attachment to,
> they'd be happier sharing. This is something that would help attract
> other kids, give them something to do together, so they'd make
> friends.
>
> -pam
>
> National Home Education Network
> <www.NHEN.org>
> Serving the entire homeschooling community since 1999
> through information, networking and public relations.
>
>
>
> "List Posting Policies" are provided in the files area of this group.
>
> Visit the Unschooling website and message boards:
> http://www.unschooling.com
>
>
>
>
> Yahoo! Groups Sponsor
>
> ADVERTISEMENT
> <81804_0704_b_300250a.gif>
> <l.gif>
>
> Yahoo! Groups Links
>
> � To visit your group on the web, go to:
> http://groups.yahoo.com/group/UnschoolingDiscussion/
> �
> � To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
> [email protected]
> �
> � Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of
> Service.
>
>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
soggyboysmom
I might rather have brought one favorite for each rather than a
whole group of them. For one, it's easier to keep track of in
general so less stress over things "trotting off"
accidentally/getting left or lost. And, obviously, if there's just
one of a thing and a person doesn't feel like sharing right then,
there's no question. BUT if there are 6 of something and the person
doesn't want to share (which is their option), it can get a little
sticky.
whole group of them. For one, it's easier to keep track of in
general so less stress over things "trotting off"
accidentally/getting left or lost. And, obviously, if there's just
one of a thing and a person doesn't feel like sharing right then,
there's no question. BUT if there are 6 of something and the person
doesn't want to share (which is their option), it can get a little
sticky.
mamaaj2000
I try to help my ds have appropriate expectations for different aged
kids. We've talked about how sometimes two year olds have a hard time
waiting their turn in line at the playground, and how sometimes he
may just need to let them go first. We talked about how when babies
like to knock over block towers. And so on.
That doesn't mean he has no right to build a block tower without his
sister knocking it down, just that if they are playing together, it's
pretty likely she's going to knock it down! If it's important to him
to build towers, I can distract her or take her elsewhere.
Today we were going to an LLL meeting and he wanted to take his very
special teddy bear. I explained why I did not think that would be a
good idea--if anyone touched it or even asked to see it, he'd get
very upset. This was the first meeting of this group, so I didn't
know who would be there or how many kids or how they'd behave. There
would be shared toys there, so kids would expect that his bear was to
be shared also.
With the horses at the conference, I guess I'd say that if they kids
were in a situation with lots of younger kids, it was going to be
really hard for them to not be allowed to touch. That they wouldn't
understand why the girls didn't want to share. I'd encourage my kids
to find something that everyone would enjoy, instead of making some
people feel left out. Or maybe go somewhere away from the smaller
kids. I don't know exactly what, just that I try to model the idea of
finding something that will work for everyone. I love hearing my ds
tell other kids "let's find something to do that makes us both
happy."
Hope this makes sense...I'm trying to say that sharing/not sharing is
complicated and I try to go into most situations with other kids
knowing that we're going to need to actively work toward a solution
for that moment, those people, those toys.
--aj
--- In [email protected], "Game-Enthusiast" <game-
enthusiast@a...> wrote:
kids. We've talked about how sometimes two year olds have a hard time
waiting their turn in line at the playground, and how sometimes he
may just need to let them go first. We talked about how when babies
like to knock over block towers. And so on.
That doesn't mean he has no right to build a block tower without his
sister knocking it down, just that if they are playing together, it's
pretty likely she's going to knock it down! If it's important to him
to build towers, I can distract her or take her elsewhere.
Today we were going to an LLL meeting and he wanted to take his very
special teddy bear. I explained why I did not think that would be a
good idea--if anyone touched it or even asked to see it, he'd get
very upset. This was the first meeting of this group, so I didn't
know who would be there or how many kids or how they'd behave. There
would be shared toys there, so kids would expect that his bear was to
be shared also.
With the horses at the conference, I guess I'd say that if they kids
were in a situation with lots of younger kids, it was going to be
really hard for them to not be allowed to touch. That they wouldn't
understand why the girls didn't want to share. I'd encourage my kids
to find something that everyone would enjoy, instead of making some
people feel left out. Or maybe go somewhere away from the smaller
kids. I don't know exactly what, just that I try to model the idea of
finding something that will work for everyone. I love hearing my ds
tell other kids "let's find something to do that makes us both
happy."
Hope this makes sense...I'm trying to say that sharing/not sharing is
complicated and I try to go into most situations with other kids
knowing that we're going to need to actively work toward a solution
for that moment, those people, those toys.
--aj
--- In [email protected], "Game-Enthusiast" <game-
enthusiast@a...> wrote:
> So - hope you can see it from others' points of view in that way.them in
>
> -pam
> -----------------------------------
> So do you think we just shouldn't have brought them at all or kept
> our room? I do understand how difficult it was for the otherkids. That's
> why I feel so badly. It was also the only idea that I had ( a wayto break
> the ice) to help my own children find someone to play with thatthey would
> have a common interest with. I can't imagine them not havingsomething to
> do while I listened to all the speakers.
> Still conflicted,
> Angela
> <mailto:game-enthusiast@a...> game-enthusiast@a...
>
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sylvia Toyama
Instead, bring things to do - to break the ice and keep them occupied - which DO involve sharing - that's the best way to have fun. I sometimes picked up little things at sales - little games or toys - that I could put into a bag and bring out at the park or other group activities. Since these were things that my kids would have no attachment to, they'd be happier sharing. This is something that would help attract other kids, give them something to do together, so they'd make friends.
-pam
****
We've done this for years, at park or playground outings -- even if we don't know there will be other kids there. I have a big bag of sand toys, and I've recently added a bag with a couple of soft ball & bat sets, some frisbees and a couple of big balls (soccer, etc). I just toss them out on the ground, and as kids wander by we invite them to play with us.
The same could be done with inside toys. I have boys, so with us it's HotWheels cars, duplo/lego blocks and the like. There are some toys almost no kids can resist, and they're cheap enough to buy enough to share. We find some of our best stuff at the dollar store or Target, end of season.
I can understand why the kids wanted to bring their favorite toys. Maybe you could have brought both the horses, and other less-precious toys to share publicly, saving the horses for smaller playdates with other kids who had horses or who understood the importance of the horses.
Syl
__________________________________________________
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
-pam
****
We've done this for years, at park or playground outings -- even if we don't know there will be other kids there. I have a big bag of sand toys, and I've recently added a bag with a couple of soft ball & bat sets, some frisbees and a couple of big balls (soccer, etc). I just toss them out on the ground, and as kids wander by we invite them to play with us.
The same could be done with inside toys. I have boys, so with us it's HotWheels cars, duplo/lego blocks and the like. There are some toys almost no kids can resist, and they're cheap enough to buy enough to share. We find some of our best stuff at the dollar store or Target, end of season.
I can understand why the kids wanted to bring their favorite toys. Maybe you could have brought both the horses, and other less-precious toys to share publicly, saving the horses for smaller playdates with other kids who had horses or who understood the importance of the horses.
Syl
__________________________________________________
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
catherine aceto
I still agree with Pam. And I think there is a difference between bringing
one digital camera and bringing multiple horses and then choosing to share
with some kids and not with others.
Perhaps if they only had 1 horse each out at a time -- or does that defeat
the game?
It does seem to me to be ....um....I don't know... unkind(?) to have a
bunch of somethings that they are playing with in front of other children,
but not allowing the other children to use. And especially allowing some
children to use but not other children.
Perhaps buying some horses designated for sharing (we have some we got at
Red White and Blue) - or even buy one or two with your money that are
intended for sharing? Then those could be the sharing horses when other
kids want to play. Now that I think about it - we have several Barbies,
Pollies/Dolls/Stuffed Animals that we have picked up at garage sales/thrift
stores so that there is a nice selection for other people to be able to play
without have to have the items that are Lydia's favorites.
-Cat
one digital camera and bringing multiple horses and then choosing to share
with some kids and not with others.
Perhaps if they only had 1 horse each out at a time -- or does that defeat
the game?
It does seem to me to be ....um....I don't know... unkind(?) to have a
bunch of somethings that they are playing with in front of other children,
but not allowing the other children to use. And especially allowing some
children to use but not other children.
Perhaps buying some horses designated for sharing (we have some we got at
Red White and Blue) - or even buy one or two with your money that are
intended for sharing? Then those could be the sharing horses when other
kids want to play. Now that I think about it - we have several Barbies,
Pollies/Dolls/Stuffed Animals that we have picked up at garage sales/thrift
stores so that there is a nice selection for other people to be able to play
without have to have the items that are Lydia's favorites.
-Cat
Mary Gold
>> Sweetie - I wouldn't make my daughter share her Breyer horses,either (maybe only those with that particular love really can
understand how MUCH they love those plastic forms <G>). But taking
them to a conference and playing with them in front of other
children, but not sharing? That's not the same as just not making
them share.>>
This was my first thought too. I don't "make" my kids share
everything either. Don't beat yourself up over that. I doubt you
appeared stingy. But next time you might want to reconsider bringing
tresured items to group settings. That's what I've told my kids over
the years. They should try to bring what they feel comfortable
sharing. In this case, they could have even brought their horses to
play with in their room, but left them there when venturing out to
play in the group.
Life is good.
~Mary
Game-Enthusiast
Perhaps buying some horses designated for sharing (we have some we got at
Red White and Blue) - or even buy one or two with your money that are
intended for sharing?
--------------------------------------------------------------------
I think perhaps we figured out the best course as it all unfolded and I just
need to stop feeling bad about it. (I talked with a friend about it this
afternoon and that helped me gain some perspective.) In the end, the girls
kept out one horse at a time after we realized that it was causing a
problem. That seemed to help. (But yeah, when they really get into playing,
they all have a bunch of horses to play with.)
I understand what you are saying about buying some for a group to share, but
that isn't realistic for us because they cost so much. The Traditional
Breyers start at about $30 each and go up. (not quite the same as match
boxes or something.) If it were a continual problem, I might invest in
them, but this situation comes up so rarely that it wouldn't be worth it to
me. Just going to the conference was stretching our budget, a lot. We
could have gotten some cheap dollar store horses to share, but I think the
difference in the horses would be so glaringly obvious that the kids might
still have felt left out. (I think I have issues with pleasing everyone all
the time. I didn't want anyone to feel bad or left out but I wanted my
kids to be happy and feel safe with their stuff too.)
We also could have brought things that weren't so personal, but the whole
idea was to meet some other children who like the same things so they could
have a real connection. My girls live to ride horses and play with their
Breyer horses.
My girls have always been quite reserved around people they don't know, so
it comes as a surprise to me (it probably shouldn't, I've lived long enough
to learn) when children approach us ready to join right in or just even just
take things. Different personalities, I think, but having my little ones
take other kid's toys wasn't ever an issue, so I didn't really think of it
ahead of time. We don't do group things very often because the girls just
aren't comfortable in group settings.
Thank you all for your responses.
Angela
game-enthusiast@...
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Red White and Blue) - or even buy one or two with your money that are
intended for sharing?
--------------------------------------------------------------------
I think perhaps we figured out the best course as it all unfolded and I just
need to stop feeling bad about it. (I talked with a friend about it this
afternoon and that helped me gain some perspective.) In the end, the girls
kept out one horse at a time after we realized that it was causing a
problem. That seemed to help. (But yeah, when they really get into playing,
they all have a bunch of horses to play with.)
I understand what you are saying about buying some for a group to share, but
that isn't realistic for us because they cost so much. The Traditional
Breyers start at about $30 each and go up. (not quite the same as match
boxes or something.) If it were a continual problem, I might invest in
them, but this situation comes up so rarely that it wouldn't be worth it to
me. Just going to the conference was stretching our budget, a lot. We
could have gotten some cheap dollar store horses to share, but I think the
difference in the horses would be so glaringly obvious that the kids might
still have felt left out. (I think I have issues with pleasing everyone all
the time. I didn't want anyone to feel bad or left out but I wanted my
kids to be happy and feel safe with their stuff too.)
We also could have brought things that weren't so personal, but the whole
idea was to meet some other children who like the same things so they could
have a real connection. My girls live to ride horses and play with their
Breyer horses.
My girls have always been quite reserved around people they don't know, so
it comes as a surprise to me (it probably shouldn't, I've lived long enough
to learn) when children approach us ready to join right in or just even just
take things. Different personalities, I think, but having my little ones
take other kid's toys wasn't ever an issue, so I didn't really think of it
ahead of time. We don't do group things very often because the girls just
aren't comfortable in group settings.
Thank you all for your responses.
Angela
game-enthusiast@...
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
pam sorooshian
On Aug 31, 2004, at 11:10 AM, Jessie wrote:
thought it would help break the ice. She said: " At the conference my
dd's brought their very special (it
usually takes them 3 months or more to save and buy one with their small
allowance, without spending it on anything else) Breyer horses. It was
my
idea. I thought that other children who like horses might bring theirs
and
they could all play together. "
So - mom suggested that they bring them in order to play with other
kids. But, I'm saying that is not a good choice for that purpose - if
the goal is to have some fun playing with other kids, don't bring
something that you don't want to share, bring something specifically TO
share.
My kids would have left her kids alone - gazing longingly at the horses
from a distance <G>. But, they'd also have quietly thought to
themselves that those were not very nice kids, to bring something so
wonderful out and play with it right in front of them, but refuse to
share, and they very liekly wouldn't want to have anything much to do
with them after that.
-pam
National Home Education Network
<www.NHEN.org>
Serving the entire homeschooling community since 1999
through information, networking and public relations.
> I can see where you are coming from, Pam, but I can also see whereI was responding to the idea of bringing those horses because she
> Angela is coming from. Some kids have STRONG attachments to things and
> feel more secure if those things are with them at all times.
thought it would help break the ice. She said: " At the conference my
dd's brought their very special (it
usually takes them 3 months or more to save and buy one with their small
allowance, without spending it on anything else) Breyer horses. It was
my
idea. I thought that other children who like horses might bring theirs
and
they could all play together. "
So - mom suggested that they bring them in order to play with other
kids. But, I'm saying that is not a good choice for that purpose - if
the goal is to have some fun playing with other kids, don't bring
something that you don't want to share, bring something specifically TO
share.
My kids would have left her kids alone - gazing longingly at the horses
from a distance <G>. But, they'd also have quietly thought to
themselves that those were not very nice kids, to bring something so
wonderful out and play with it right in front of them, but refuse to
share, and they very liekly wouldn't want to have anything much to do
with them after that.
-pam
National Home Education Network
<www.NHEN.org>
Serving the entire homeschooling community since 1999
through information, networking and public relations.
pam sorooshian
On Aug 31, 2004, at 3:20 PM, Game-Enthusiast wrote:
collection and would love to play with them, with other kids, but it
would never have occurred to us to bring them to the conference. Seems
so unlikely that anybody else would have brought some.
My suggestion isn't to buy more horses, but to have OTHER things that
are sharable. I'm talking about a Chinese jump rope from the dollar
store, for example. Something that kids can do together.
-pam
National Home Education Network
<www.NHEN.org>
Serving the entire homeschooling community since 1999
through information, networking and public relations.
> We also could have brought things that weren't so personal, but theDid you tell anybody that you were bringing Breyer horses? Rosie has a
> whole
> idea was to meet some other children who like the same things so they
> could
> have a real connection. My girls live to ride horses and play with
> their
> Breyer horses.
collection and would love to play with them, with other kids, but it
would never have occurred to us to bring them to the conference. Seems
so unlikely that anybody else would have brought some.
My suggestion isn't to buy more horses, but to have OTHER things that
are sharable. I'm talking about a Chinese jump rope from the dollar
store, for example. Something that kids can do together.
-pam
National Home Education Network
<www.NHEN.org>
Serving the entire homeschooling community since 1999
through information, networking and public relations.
Jessie
Yeah, there actually was a whole discussion here about Breyer horses
and who was bringing them... I almost bought one for Ella but she
didn't show must interest when she laid eyes on them (I was sort of
glad once I saw the price!!).
Anyway, Angela, I wouldn't worry too much about the past!! Sharing is
obviously one of those touchy subjects for all! :-)
~Jessie
and who was bringing them... I almost bought one for Ella but she
didn't show must interest when she laid eyes on them (I was sort of
glad once I saw the price!!).
Anyway, Angela, I wouldn't worry too much about the past!! Sharing is
obviously one of those touchy subjects for all! :-)
~Jessie
On Aug 31, 2004, at 8:46 PM, pam sorooshian wrote:
>
> On Aug 31, 2004, at 3:20 PM, Game-Enthusiast wrote:
>
> > We also could have brought things that weren't so personal, but the
> > whole
> > idea was to meet some other children who like the same things so
> they
> > could
> > have a real connection.� My girls live to ride horses and play with
> > their
> > Breyer horses.
>
> Did you tell anybody that you were bringing Breyer horses? Rosie has a
> collection and would love to play with them, with other kids, but it
> would never have occurred to us to bring them to the conference. Seems
> so unlikely that anybody else would have brought some.
>
> My suggestion isn't to buy more horses, but to have OTHER things that
> are sharable. I'm talking about a Chinese jump rope from the dollar
> store, for example. Something that kids can do together.
>
> -pam
> National Home Education Network
> <www.NHEN.org>
> Serving the entire homeschooling community since 1999
> through information, networking and public relations.
>
>
>
> "List Posting Policies" are provided in the files area of this group.
>
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Game-Enthusiast
you wrote:
Did you tell anybody that you were bringing Breyer horses? Rosie has a
collection and would love to play with them, with other kids, but it
would never have occurred to us to bring them to the conference. Seems
so unlikely that anybody else would have brought some.
----------------------------
Actually, on the Live and Learn list I mentioned that the girls were
bringing their horses and if any other girls enjoyed Breyers, would they be
interested in bringing them and playing together. I said that I thought it
would be a good ice breaker. So yes, a couple other girls planned and
brought theirs and they played together well.
-------------------------------
You wrote:
My suggestion isn't to buy more horses, but to have OTHER things that
are sharable. I'm talking about a Chinese jump rope from the dollar
store, for example. Something that kids can do together.
------------------------------------
I understand what you are suggesting, but I don't think it would work for my
kids. They don't feel comfortable playing in groups and so something like a
group game sounds good on paper, but wouldn't work for us. They'd still be
sitting on my leg looking miserable. (They are 9.5 and almost 8, btw.)
Hence the idea to find a common denominator between my girls and one or two
other girls, rather than a large group. I thought planning ahead was the
ticket. Saturday night we actually were invited to eat dinner with another
family who brought Breyer horses and it was a wonderful time. The girls
really connected and we mom's had a good time too. But the time I was
trying to fill was the time spent sitting listening to speakers. I just
wanted them to have something to do while I listened to stuff that held no
interest to them. They don't do workbooks. ;0)
A group activity wouldn't have worked for my kids, but bringing out one
horse at a time seems like a solution we could all live with. I just wish
I'd thought of the problem that might be caused by the horses, ahead of
time, so I could have planned better
Angela ~ who also has a sore throat tonight.
<mailto:game-enthusiast@...> game-enthusiast@...
.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Did you tell anybody that you were bringing Breyer horses? Rosie has a
collection and would love to play with them, with other kids, but it
would never have occurred to us to bring them to the conference. Seems
so unlikely that anybody else would have brought some.
----------------------------
Actually, on the Live and Learn list I mentioned that the girls were
bringing their horses and if any other girls enjoyed Breyers, would they be
interested in bringing them and playing together. I said that I thought it
would be a good ice breaker. So yes, a couple other girls planned and
brought theirs and they played together well.
-------------------------------
You wrote:
My suggestion isn't to buy more horses, but to have OTHER things that
are sharable. I'm talking about a Chinese jump rope from the dollar
store, for example. Something that kids can do together.
------------------------------------
I understand what you are suggesting, but I don't think it would work for my
kids. They don't feel comfortable playing in groups and so something like a
group game sounds good on paper, but wouldn't work for us. They'd still be
sitting on my leg looking miserable. (They are 9.5 and almost 8, btw.)
Hence the idea to find a common denominator between my girls and one or two
other girls, rather than a large group. I thought planning ahead was the
ticket. Saturday night we actually were invited to eat dinner with another
family who brought Breyer horses and it was a wonderful time. The girls
really connected and we mom's had a good time too. But the time I was
trying to fill was the time spent sitting listening to speakers. I just
wanted them to have something to do while I listened to stuff that held no
interest to them. They don't do workbooks. ;0)
A group activity wouldn't have worked for my kids, but bringing out one
horse at a time seems like a solution we could all live with. I just wish
I'd thought of the problem that might be caused by the horses, ahead of
time, so I could have planned better
Angela ~ who also has a sore throat tonight.
<mailto:game-enthusiast@...> game-enthusiast@...
.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Mary Gold
>>But the time I was trying to fill was the time spent sittinglistening to speakers. I just wanted them to have something to do
while I listened to stuff that held no interest to them.>>
What about all the side activities for kids going on? Weren't there
funshops and stuff like that this year? Or would they not have gone
without you?
It was hard for me last year when I wanted to listen to a speaker and
one of my kids needed settling. (And they were 9 and 14 at the time,
so I completely empathize with you!) I finally decided that I could
listen to the speakers later on tapes. I figured all the other
activity, socialization, good karma, discussions, workshops, playtime,
etc. were what we were there for too and those couldn't be recreated
later on a cassette tape.
Not that you did anything wrong. Just a thought for you or maybe
someone else to ponder for next time.
Life is good.
~Mary
Patti Diamond
Hi All,
I like the whole idea Jessie shared about having an extra set of things to
share for - One set that is their own and one to share. It kind of goes hand
in hand with my approach to toys and things that are important to my boys. I
try to as much as I can to buy things in 3's or when requesting that someone
get Christmas presents etc. buy 3 of the same thing for all 3 of my boys.
That way none of them HAVE to share unless they want to. I admit this is
harder for bigger ticket items like Nintendo etc. BUT by them having their
own sets of things for the smaller priced items, it has made it so my boys
feel like they are valued and have their own special things and they have
been much more willing to share with friends that way or amongst themselves
for the bigger ticket items as well as the smaller priced items too if they
feel that they are valued enough as a person to have their own things and
not forced to share if the do not choose to.
I do not believe in forcing my children to share either. I think that makes
them in the long run resentful and less willing to share as they grow and as
they journey into adulthood. For myself, as an adult, there are things that
I share and there are things that I choose not to at times, and I feel that
this is ok and it is not meant in the context of taunting like I have
something I am not gonna share ha ha kind of thing, but merely that I have
things that are personal just to me and that I should not be made to have to
share all of my things all of the time only when I wish to. Children should
be given the same freedom to choose whether to share or not, provided that
it is not done in a taunting fashion. This should not be different just
because they are children.
I do not feel that what you where trying to do with your kids Angie was at
least from what you wrote, I do not think you were or your children where
doing this, in a taunting manner. I can see where it may have been hard for
the other children who wished to also play with what your children were
playing with, so having a second set of the same toy if feasible is an
excellent option to ease this type of a situation and also to open the door
to IF your children want to then share their set of toys, they can, or they
could just simply play with their set and the other children play together
with them with the second duplicate set.
I do feel that because of me not forcing them to share my children are much
more willing to share and do share. more often than not. An example of this
just recently was when my middle son, Matthew, who just turned 8 today, whom
even though he had lost his new gameboy advanced sp at a homeschooling event
still wished to give not just share but actually give as a gift of
friendship and love, his other older gameboy to a friend of his whom did not
have one, even though he knew that he would then have no gameboy. His
comments to me were "I want to give this to my friend because I know he does
not have one and even though I do not have one now, once my gameboy has been
found, maybe he and I will be able to play together gameboys because then we
will both have one!".He did this of his own volition and I was very proud of
him for being so loving, generous, and kind.
So, I want my kids to share because they want to, not because of me or
someone else forcing them too. And this idea for an extra set of toys seems
like a great way to balance the idea of giving our children the choice to
share and also making it so that other children do not feel like they are
tormented by not being able to play with something they wish to.
Patti and the boys (Chris 13, Matthew 8, Anthony 6 1/2)
Life Long Learning Academy
http://www.life-long-learning-4-all.com/index.html
"For no matter where knowledge and learning come from - no matter what shape
size, or dimension it assumes - it still is what it is,knowledge and
learning. Therefore knowledge and learning should always be embraced." ~
unknown
-------Original Message-------
Message: 12
Date: Tue, 31 Aug 2004 12:51:18 -0400
From: Jessie <bluebell@...>
Subject: Re: Sharing Again
I hear you on that one!!! You're in Maine right? Have you heard of Pam
Leo? She has a fabulous idea related to sharing at home... she has a
box of her own toys so when another child comes over, she shares the
toys in that box. It helps her granddaughter (who she's raising) to not
have to share her stuff but many times she does because she chooses to
which I'm sure feels a whole lot better than being forced!! I never
feel like a friend's child should HAVE to share with mine. I really try
to bring them something of their won to play with in social
situations...
I don't think you should worry about it!!! Your daughters have every
right not to share!!
:)
Jessie (still wondering if our paths ever passed at the conference....)
I like the whole idea Jessie shared about having an extra set of things to
share for - One set that is their own and one to share. It kind of goes hand
in hand with my approach to toys and things that are important to my boys. I
try to as much as I can to buy things in 3's or when requesting that someone
get Christmas presents etc. buy 3 of the same thing for all 3 of my boys.
That way none of them HAVE to share unless they want to. I admit this is
harder for bigger ticket items like Nintendo etc. BUT by them having their
own sets of things for the smaller priced items, it has made it so my boys
feel like they are valued and have their own special things and they have
been much more willing to share with friends that way or amongst themselves
for the bigger ticket items as well as the smaller priced items too if they
feel that they are valued enough as a person to have their own things and
not forced to share if the do not choose to.
I do not believe in forcing my children to share either. I think that makes
them in the long run resentful and less willing to share as they grow and as
they journey into adulthood. For myself, as an adult, there are things that
I share and there are things that I choose not to at times, and I feel that
this is ok and it is not meant in the context of taunting like I have
something I am not gonna share ha ha kind of thing, but merely that I have
things that are personal just to me and that I should not be made to have to
share all of my things all of the time only when I wish to. Children should
be given the same freedom to choose whether to share or not, provided that
it is not done in a taunting fashion. This should not be different just
because they are children.
I do not feel that what you where trying to do with your kids Angie was at
least from what you wrote, I do not think you were or your children where
doing this, in a taunting manner. I can see where it may have been hard for
the other children who wished to also play with what your children were
playing with, so having a second set of the same toy if feasible is an
excellent option to ease this type of a situation and also to open the door
to IF your children want to then share their set of toys, they can, or they
could just simply play with their set and the other children play together
with them with the second duplicate set.
I do feel that because of me not forcing them to share my children are much
more willing to share and do share. more often than not. An example of this
just recently was when my middle son, Matthew, who just turned 8 today, whom
even though he had lost his new gameboy advanced sp at a homeschooling event
still wished to give not just share but actually give as a gift of
friendship and love, his other older gameboy to a friend of his whom did not
have one, even though he knew that he would then have no gameboy. His
comments to me were "I want to give this to my friend because I know he does
not have one and even though I do not have one now, once my gameboy has been
found, maybe he and I will be able to play together gameboys because then we
will both have one!".He did this of his own volition and I was very proud of
him for being so loving, generous, and kind.
So, I want my kids to share because they want to, not because of me or
someone else forcing them too. And this idea for an extra set of toys seems
like a great way to balance the idea of giving our children the choice to
share and also making it so that other children do not feel like they are
tormented by not being able to play with something they wish to.
Patti and the boys (Chris 13, Matthew 8, Anthony 6 1/2)
Life Long Learning Academy
http://www.life-long-learning-4-all.com/index.html
"For no matter where knowledge and learning come from - no matter what shape
size, or dimension it assumes - it still is what it is,knowledge and
learning. Therefore knowledge and learning should always be embraced." ~
unknown
-------Original Message-------
Message: 12
Date: Tue, 31 Aug 2004 12:51:18 -0400
From: Jessie <bluebell@...>
Subject: Re: Sharing Again
I hear you on that one!!! You're in Maine right? Have you heard of Pam
Leo? She has a fabulous idea related to sharing at home... she has a
box of her own toys so when another child comes over, she shares the
toys in that box. It helps her granddaughter (who she's raising) to not
have to share her stuff but many times she does because she chooses to
which I'm sure feels a whole lot better than being forced!! I never
feel like a friend's child should HAVE to share with mine. I really try
to bring them something of their won to play with in social
situations...
I don't think you should worry about it!!! Your daughters have every
right not to share!!
:)
Jessie (still wondering if our paths ever passed at the conference....)
On Aug 31, 2004, at 12:39 PM, Game-Enthusiast wrote:
> Sharing.
>
> I don't believe that by making kids share that they will automatically
> become generous people. I also think that kids are held to higher
> standards
> than adults when it comes to sharing. While an adult wouldn't
> generally
> feel compelled to let anyone (let alone a two year old) play with
> their
> expensive important X, children are expected to share their toys
> whether or
> not they saved for a year to buy it or not and whether or not they
> know the
> child or how responsible they are and whether or not they feel quite
> sure
> that they will get back their item unharmed and whole. I have never
> made my
> kids share and I have always let them put away things that they don't
> want
> to share before company arrived. With their close friends, they share
> generously and from the heart. They know and trust these children and
> sharing isn't an issue at all.
>
> Why am I writing? Because it makes me feel bad under certain
> circumstances,
> that's why. At the conference my dd's brought their very special (it
> usually takes them 3 months or more to save and buy one with their
> small
> allowance, without spending it on anything else) Breyer horses. It
> was my
> idea. I thought that other children who like horses might bring
> theirs and
> they could all play together. That worked very well with a couple of
> children and they made a couple of friends that way. They all had
> their
> horses and they played together and shared. They even shared with a
> little
> girl who didn't have horses because she was respectful of them and
> their
> stuff and they could feel that.
>
> Sadly, though, the horses were a draw to many smaller children who
> continually asked to play with them. Some children approached them
> and just
> took their horses. Another time a teenager who was watching a small
> child
> told the child to go up and ask *which* horse he could play with,
> instead of
> asking *if* he could play with one. It was overwhelming to me and to
> my
> kids. My kids didn't feel safe sharing with the multitude of
> children who
> all wanted to play with their horses. They ended up putting them away
> completely or playing with one horse at a time so they wouldn't have
> to deal
> with the onslaught of children asking to play with their horses. I
> felt like
> we were being stalked by one child who kept tracking us down, looking
> for
> their bags of horses so he could take one. I just felt awful. I
> felt like
> I was hoarding them and hiding them. But I also felt like it isn't
> up to me
> to allow other children to play with my children's things. (they
> aren't mine
> to give permission to use.) I wasn't going to dismiss my own
> children's
> feelings on the issue and *make* them share or coerce them to share.
> I know
> that many people just expect children to share regardless of the
> circumstances and it makes me feel really bad. It's still bugging
> me.
>
> I explained to some children that the girls weren't comfortable
> sharing
> right now. If my girls were handling it fine, I let them deal with
> it.
> Other than feeling frustrated, they did fine telling the other
> children
> gently, that they didn't want to play right now or that they weren't
> comfortable sharing right now. My kids play best with one or two
> friends at
> a time. They just don't feel comfortable in large groups. Just
> coming to
> the conference was stressful to us all.
>
> I am confident that children should be allowed to choose who they
> share
> their toys with. I want to not feel so badly about my choice to let
> them
> decide. Do I just need to get a spine? Feeling bad to some extent,
> must be
> normal, but I shouldn't still be thinking about it days later.
>
> To add to my concern, we came home and dd's told dh what
> happened...that
> everyone seemed to want their horses. They said they put them away
> instead
> of handing them out to all the kids and he said something to the
> effect that
> they must have seemed really selfish to have done that. I've talked
> with
> him about the whole sharing thing. I mentioned that he wouldn't just
> give
> over his laptop or palm pilot to any two year old who wanted to play
> with
> it.
>
> I feel stingy just sending this out to the list. I'd like to get
> over it.
> Ideas welcomed.
>
> Angela
> game-enthusiast@...
>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Game-Enthusiast
you wrote:
What about all the side activities for kids going on? Weren't there
funshops and stuff like that this year? Or would they not have gone
without you?
--------------------------------------------
There were lots of fun shops but the kids don't like group activities and
they were overwhelmed by the amount of people. And no, they wouldn't have
gone without me. They'd have been happy if we hadn't gone at all and I just
bought tapes. It would have been cheaper too, but for some reason, I just
wanted to be there. To see people's faces and here their voices. It
changes this whole email exchange for me when I know what a person looks and
sounds like when they talk. It makes it more personal to me.
Angela
game-enthusiast@...
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
What about all the side activities for kids going on? Weren't there
funshops and stuff like that this year? Or would they not have gone
without you?
--------------------------------------------
There were lots of fun shops but the kids don't like group activities and
they were overwhelmed by the amount of people. And no, they wouldn't have
gone without me. They'd have been happy if we hadn't gone at all and I just
bought tapes. It would have been cheaper too, but for some reason, I just
wanted to be there. To see people's faces and here their voices. It
changes this whole email exchange for me when I know what a person looks and
sounds like when they talk. It makes it more personal to me.
Angela
game-enthusiast@...
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Crystal
We could replace the word "horse" with "Yu-gi-oh Cards" or "video
game system" or anything else and I think the results would be the
same. Some kid will bring something precious to them that they only
want to share with other kids who know the value of the item, and
some little kid will want to join in. That little kid might be
totally inappropriate for the game or toy, but they want to join to
be part of the group. It would not seem selfish to me if the bigger
kid/owner of the toy would just turn to the little kid and be nice
and maybe even talk for a minute, but not share the item. I think
any kid of any age has been the little kid at one time or another
and it doesn't feel good to be left out. This is a great lesson in
empathy and respect on both sides.
Crystal
game system" or anything else and I think the results would be the
same. Some kid will bring something precious to them that they only
want to share with other kids who know the value of the item, and
some little kid will want to join in. That little kid might be
totally inappropriate for the game or toy, but they want to join to
be part of the group. It would not seem selfish to me if the bigger
kid/owner of the toy would just turn to the little kid and be nice
and maybe even talk for a minute, but not share the item. I think
any kid of any age has been the little kid at one time or another
and it doesn't feel good to be left out. This is a great lesson in
empathy and respect on both sides.
Crystal
Mary Gold
>>I just wanted to be there. To see people's faces and here theirvoices. It changes this whole email exchange for me when I know what
a person looks and sounds like when they talk. It makes it more
personal to me.>>
Absolutely!! I'm just suggesting the idea that we might have to miss
a speaker or two in favor of going to all the stuff besides the
speakers. And for just the reasons you gave. The speakers are usually
wonderful, but accompanying a kid around to help foster connections
while you maybe chat with another mom of a kind of introverted
unschooler...well that's good too. :o)
Just a thought.
Life is good.
~Mary
Fetteroll
on 8/31/04 6:20 PM, Game-Enthusiast at game-enthusiast@... wrote:
share with others who wandered by?
Joyce
> I understand what you are saying about buying some for a group to share, butWhat about one Breyer at a time to play with and a set of cheaper horses to
> that isn't realistic for us because they cost so much. The Traditional
> Breyers start at about $30 each and go up.
share with others who wandered by?
Joyce
Robyn Coburn
<<<So do you think we just shouldn't have brought them at all or kept them
in our room? I do understand how difficult it was for the other kids.
That's why I feel so badly. It was also the only idea that I had (a way to
break the ice) to help my own children find someone to play with that they
would have a common interest with. I can't imagine them not having
something to do while I listened to all the speakers. >>>
I had read a lot of posts about Breyer horses coming to the conference with
their owners, and certainly got the idea that these were slightly older
girls - in the 7/8/9 range - and that there were quite a lot of them with
this hobby. Nevertheless I suggested to Jayn (4.5) that she bring along her
Fisher Price horse and a couple of riders just in case she was able to hook
up with some groups. That didn't happen.
We also brought along a collection of Barbies with clothes in the hope of
finding some girls to play with them - a maneuver that was largely
successful. At first she wanted to leave them in our room, and invite people
to play there, (she and Ella had a great time on several occasions) but
later she was willing to bring the whole shebang downstairs and use them as
a lure for the like-minded. I suggested that she only bring down to the
foyer area those toys she was willing to share, and that worked well for
her, and turned out to be all of them.
Last year at the conference Jayn was adopted by the lovely Heather, who I
guess was 11 at the time. Jayn followed her around, with me in the distance,
and Heather was very patient and kind. This year Jayn had the unfortunate
experience of going up to a number of different girls, older than she is but
clearly younger than Heather had been, and asking if they wanted to play
with her, and being told "No" quite a lot, always pleasantly and sometimes
with a long reason why not. She was only in tears once, at the end of a long
day, when someone had said "Maybe later" and Jayn decided that it was
"later" and so where was the girl. She wanted to wait in the hallway all
night for her. Jayn will just go up to any girl and invite her to play.
She's like that at the park too.
Jayn was in heaven a few times when a small group of girls, I'm guessing
about 7 or 8 yo, I think Keira (sp?) and Hannah were in that group, kindly
took her around with them for a while. They kept her with them longer than I
would have expected. It is tough when you have a tenacious and oblivious 4yo
that you just can't easily ditch.
For some reason we had a hard time finding many other 4-5 yo's. Most folks
seemed either older or younger. Luckily Jayn and Ella found each other, and
being on the same floor made it even easier. Jayn is looking forward to
sending some drawings to her. She also hooked up with Jessie from San
Francisco, and hopes to have an ongoing relationship with her also.
Robyn L. Coburn
---
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in our room? I do understand how difficult it was for the other kids.
That's why I feel so badly. It was also the only idea that I had (a way to
break the ice) to help my own children find someone to play with that they
would have a common interest with. I can't imagine them not having
something to do while I listened to all the speakers. >>>
I had read a lot of posts about Breyer horses coming to the conference with
their owners, and certainly got the idea that these were slightly older
girls - in the 7/8/9 range - and that there were quite a lot of them with
this hobby. Nevertheless I suggested to Jayn (4.5) that she bring along her
Fisher Price horse and a couple of riders just in case she was able to hook
up with some groups. That didn't happen.
We also brought along a collection of Barbies with clothes in the hope of
finding some girls to play with them - a maneuver that was largely
successful. At first she wanted to leave them in our room, and invite people
to play there, (she and Ella had a great time on several occasions) but
later she was willing to bring the whole shebang downstairs and use them as
a lure for the like-minded. I suggested that she only bring down to the
foyer area those toys she was willing to share, and that worked well for
her, and turned out to be all of them.
Last year at the conference Jayn was adopted by the lovely Heather, who I
guess was 11 at the time. Jayn followed her around, with me in the distance,
and Heather was very patient and kind. This year Jayn had the unfortunate
experience of going up to a number of different girls, older than she is but
clearly younger than Heather had been, and asking if they wanted to play
with her, and being told "No" quite a lot, always pleasantly and sometimes
with a long reason why not. She was only in tears once, at the end of a long
day, when someone had said "Maybe later" and Jayn decided that it was
"later" and so where was the girl. She wanted to wait in the hallway all
night for her. Jayn will just go up to any girl and invite her to play.
She's like that at the park too.
Jayn was in heaven a few times when a small group of girls, I'm guessing
about 7 or 8 yo, I think Keira (sp?) and Hannah were in that group, kindly
took her around with them for a while. They kept her with them longer than I
would have expected. It is tough when you have a tenacious and oblivious 4yo
that you just can't easily ditch.
For some reason we had a hard time finding many other 4-5 yo's. Most folks
seemed either older or younger. Luckily Jayn and Ella found each other, and
being on the same floor made it even easier. Jayn is looking forward to
sending some drawings to her. She also hooked up with Jessie from San
Francisco, and hopes to have an ongoing relationship with her also.
Robyn L. Coburn
---
Outgoing mail is certified Virus Free.
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Elizabeth Hill
**
She also hooked up with Jessie from San
Francisco, and hopes to have an ongoing relationship with her also.**
Wow, a family from San Francisco went to the conference in MA?
Betsy (waving from the far side of the north bay)
She also hooked up with Jessie from San
Francisco, and hopes to have an ongoing relationship with her also.**
Wow, a family from San Francisco went to the conference in MA?
Betsy (waving from the far side of the north bay)
[email protected]
In a message dated 9/8/2004 1:41:04 AM Eastern Daylight Time,
ecsamhill@... writes:
She also hooked up with Jessie from San
Francisco, and hopes to have an ongoing relationship with her also.**
Wow, a family from San Francisco went to the conference in MA?
Betsy (waving from the far side of the north bay)<<<
The Boss/Talmans from San Fransisco have been to all three! So have the
Coburns from LA.
They're making you look bad, Betsy! <BWG>
~Kelly
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
ecsamhill@... writes:
She also hooked up with Jessie from San
Francisco, and hopes to have an ongoing relationship with her also.**
Wow, a family from San Francisco went to the conference in MA?
Betsy (waving from the far side of the north bay)<<<
The Boss/Talmans from San Fransisco have been to all three! So have the
Coburns from LA.
They're making you look bad, Betsy! <BWG>
~Kelly
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Robyn Coburn
I hate to tell you this, but I'm just enough of a nuisance to *seem* like I
was at all three, but we have only been to the last two. I wish it were so
that I have been to all, but I was reading all about Sandra's fall from afar
- I mean I was afar not that she fell a long way, or maybe she did, or...oh
heck I'm gonna quit now while I'm ahead.
Robyn L. Coburn
<<<The Boss/Talmans from San Fransisco have been to all three! So have the
Coburns from LA.>>>
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was at all three, but we have only been to the last two. I wish it were so
that I have been to all, but I was reading all about Sandra's fall from afar
- I mean I was afar not that she fell a long way, or maybe she did, or...oh
heck I'm gonna quit now while I'm ahead.
Robyn L. Coburn
<<<The Boss/Talmans from San Fransisco have been to all three! So have the
Coburns from LA.>>>
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pam sorooshian
On Sep 7, 2004, at 10:39 PM, Elizabeth Hill wrote:
weekend before the L&L conference, Betsy!!
Maybe next year, huh?
Florida in October? Start planning now!
(Dare I ask from here in earthquake country? Is hurricane season going
to be an issue?)
-pam
National Home Education Network
<www.NHEN.org>
Serving the entire homeschooling community since 1999
through information, networking and public relations.
> She also hooked up with Jessie from SanThey were ambitious - they were at the HSC conference with us the
> Francisco, and hopes to have an ongoing relationship with her also.**
>
> Wow, a family from San Francisco went to the conference in MA?
>
> Betsy (waving from the far side of the north bay)
>
weekend before the L&L conference, Betsy!!
Maybe next year, huh?
Florida in October? Start planning now!
(Dare I ask from here in earthquake country? Is hurricane season going
to be an issue?)
-pam
National Home Education Network
<www.NHEN.org>
Serving the entire homeschooling community since 1999
through information, networking and public relations.
[email protected]
In a message dated 9/8/2004 4:36:42 AM Eastern Daylight Time,
pamsoroosh@... writes:
Florida in October? Start planning now!
(Dare I ask from here in earthquake country? Is hurricane season going
to be an issue?)<<<<<
Not according to the Farmers' Almanac.
We'll have to trust then!
~Kelly
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
pamsoroosh@... writes:
Florida in October? Start planning now!
(Dare I ask from here in earthquake country? Is hurricane season going
to be an issue?)<<<<<
Not according to the Farmers' Almanac.
We'll have to trust then!
~Kelly
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]