Re: Why isn't this working?
jennefer harper
Date: Sat, 21 Aug 2004 11:35:01 -0700
From: "Andrea Burlingame"
<aburlingame@...>
Subject: Why isn't this working!?
Andrea, I was very touched by your post, and I can
relate to alot of what you expressed. Below I've made
some comments within your quotes.
other people hitting and kicking each other?
needs more one on one attention from you and/or her
father. Perhaps she still has a lot of jealousy
surrounding her 1 year old sibling and/or possibly her
older sibling.
holding and 'caring' for her before she reaches this
point of acting out.
get attention. And, this seems to work. Perhaps try
giving more attention to the 1 year old and clueing
into times that might make him/her do these hurtful
actions; thus, possibly preventing them. Have you
thought about doing sign language with her?
On the t.v. thing: Try looking more positively about
it. Take advantage of it. You get a break, right?
Relax. Do something nearby that you want to do. (I
think this may have already been said.) Your children
are already adjusting to a new move, right? And their
dad is gone A LOT, right? They probably find comfort
in watching tv. Is it really the tv that makes you
depressed? Seems like there are alot of other factors
that are probably contributing like financial stuff,
no help with the kids most of the week, having an
'absent' partner and having 3 kids aged 4 and under
would be enough in itself to throw me over the top!
Wow! Please hang in there, go easy on yourself. Do
you have any home movies that ya'll could watch? My 3
year old and 1 year old love to watch these and see
themselves and their friends on tv. Then, they could
see dad on tv too! Maybe make a home video just for
this. If you don't own a recorder, maybe borrow one
from someone who does!
and overwhelmed, but you may also have some post
partum depression. Can you try to start a playgroup?
Are there any childrens or mom's groups in town?
help. And I'm glad you did. I think many moms hold
it all in and think they are the only ones having such
a challenging time. It must also be really hard
having just moved to a new place. It's not always
easy or quick to make new friends. Keep your chin up
and keep plodding along. Things should get better!
Right now just be with your kids.
join you; and if not, at least you can enjoy it.
that you were prioritizing the apple above your child
at that moment. I agree. You said that was too
simplistic. But, it doesn't have to be complicated.
Simple is good. Perhaps you are trying to make things
more complicated than they need to be. I have been
dissapointed when my son didn't touch his apple wedges
and apple butter that I prepared for him. Unknowing
to him, it was the last apple and I knew how little
food we had in the house and no money to buy more
groceries for a while. So, although it was
frustrating, I just wrapped it up and put it in the
fridge. I guess he really just didn't need it!
your children do be a result of seeing you do this?
One thing I learned from my partner who does crisis
intervention is when someone is screaming etc. to
reply/talk to them in a soft, quieter, lower voice
than them. This brings the noise level and hopefully
the tension/stress level down. Might be worth a try.
Andrea, I hope you can really find some time to relax
and go easy on yourself. Not that I am suggesting you
would do this, but when I read in the paper of mothers
who kill or abuse their children, it seems that they
have quite a few young children, and my personal take
on it is not that they're insane, but just totally
stressed out!! Our society/government could be a lot
more supportive of mothers and children. Instead,
we're expected to do it all on our own despite the
fact that alot of families only have one working
partner, we have to pay for health insurance if we can
afford it, and struggle to feed our families. You're
doing a good job!
Take Care,
Jennefer
__________________________________
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From: "Andrea Burlingame"
<aburlingame@...>
Subject: Why isn't this working!?
Andrea, I was very touched by your post, and I can
relate to alot of what you expressed. Below I've made
some comments within your quotes.
>>There is the near-constant bickeringSounds like a lot of pent up emotion. Do they see
>>and fighting that I've mentioned before. They hit
>>and kick each other.
other people hitting and kicking each other?
>>The 3yo does this for no apparent reason.I'm sure there is a very good reason. Perhaps she
needs more one on one attention from you and/or her
father. Perhaps she still has a lot of jealousy
surrounding her 1 year old sibling and/or possibly her
older sibling.
>>If I remove her from theMaybe this is exactly what she needs. Perhaps try
>>scene, she yells screams and stomps her feet andthen
>>when she finally
>>calms down 15-20 minutes later and lets me hold her
>>and care for her a bit,
holding and 'caring' for her before she reaches this
point of acting out.
>>The baby (1yo) pullsSeems like the 1 year old is trying to communicate and
>>everyones hair and scratches and bites and pinches
>>when he is thwarted in any
>>way (and sometimes for no apparent reason he'll just
>>run over and hurt
>>one of the girls when they are watching something on
>>tv)
get attention. And, this seems to work. Perhaps try
giving more attention to the 1 year old and clueing
into times that might make him/her do these hurtful
actions; thus, possibly preventing them. Have you
thought about doing sign language with her?
On the t.v. thing: Try looking more positively about
it. Take advantage of it. You get a break, right?
Relax. Do something nearby that you want to do. (I
think this may have already been said.) Your children
are already adjusting to a new move, right? And their
dad is gone A LOT, right? They probably find comfort
in watching tv. Is it really the tv that makes you
depressed? Seems like there are alot of other factors
that are probably contributing like financial stuff,
no help with the kids most of the week, having an
'absent' partner and having 3 kids aged 4 and under
would be enough in itself to throw me over the top!
Wow! Please hang in there, go easy on yourself. Do
you have any home movies that ya'll could watch? My 3
year old and 1 year old love to watch these and see
themselves and their friends on tv. Then, they could
see dad on tv too! Maybe make a home video just for
this. If you don't own a recorder, maybe borrow one
from someone who does!
>>I want to cry (and often do) everyday out ofSounds like you may not only be stressed, depressed
>>frustration with dealing
>>with my children. I feel guilty for getting so
>>frustrated that yell and
>>slam cabinets on occasion.
and overwhelmed, but you may also have some post
partum depression. Can you try to start a playgroup?
Are there any childrens or mom's groups in town?
>>(Since I sat downSounds like you desperately needed to cry out for
>>in desperation to write this
help. And I'm glad you did. I think many moms hold
it all in and think they are the only ones having such
a challenging time. It must also be really hard
having just moved to a new place. It's not always
easy or quick to make new friends. Keep your chin up
and keep plodding along. Things should get better!
Right now just be with your kids.
>>Then they all wanted a movie, even though I hadMaybe if you just start a project one of the kids may
>>offered
>>both the beach and to make plaster of paris
>>creatures using balloons and
>>then painting them with acrylic paint.
join you; and if not, at least you can enjoy it.
>>4 yo says she is full and leaves the table full ofOk, I've been here. And, a previous poster commented
>>uneaten
>>apple wedges
that you were prioritizing the apple above your child
at that moment. I agree. You said that was too
simplistic. But, it doesn't have to be complicated.
Simple is good. Perhaps you are trying to make things
more complicated than they need to be. I have been
dissapointed when my son didn't touch his apple wedges
and apple butter that I prepared for him. Unknowing
to him, it was the last apple and I knew how little
food we had in the house and no money to buy more
groceries for a while. So, although it was
frustrating, I just wrapped it up and put it in the
fridge. I guess he really just didn't need it!
>>I held herCould all this whining and screaming and crying that
>>firmly by the arms and said, "Enough! I don't like
>>to be screamed at."
>>She started crying and stomping her feet and finally
>>went off to play.
your children do be a result of seeing you do this?
One thing I learned from my partner who does crisis
intervention is when someone is screaming etc. to
reply/talk to them in a soft, quieter, lower voice
than them. This brings the noise level and hopefully
the tension/stress level down. Might be worth a try.
Andrea, I hope you can really find some time to relax
and go easy on yourself. Not that I am suggesting you
would do this, but when I read in the paper of mothers
who kill or abuse their children, it seems that they
have quite a few young children, and my personal take
on it is not that they're insane, but just totally
stressed out!! Our society/government could be a lot
more supportive of mothers and children. Instead,
we're expected to do it all on our own despite the
fact that alot of families only have one working
partner, we have to pay for health insurance if we can
afford it, and struggle to feed our families. You're
doing a good job!
Take Care,
Jennefer
__________________________________
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jennefer harper
We have a white carpet too (*sigh*) which was in
pretty darn good condition when we moved in here 3
years ago. It gets stained fast! Some things I've
found to make this easier and helpful are: 1.) Get
some Bac-Out; it will take out poop stains from the
carpet from your 1 year old. 2.) There is something
called Folex that comes in a white spray bottle. It
takes out lots of stains- sort of bleaches them out.
It claims to take out red wine stains. It's taken out
strawberry and grape juice stains for me. 3.) Get
your carpets cleaned every 6 months. That's about how
long it takes for ours to get so gross I don't even
want to lay on it and am embarressed to have other
kids play on it. With a cheap carpet cleaning, it's
suprising how brand new clean it gets! 4.) Throw an
area rug on top of it or a blanket. Dirty carpet?
What dirty carpet?
When I look around and see our stained, dirty, pee
smelling carpet (mmm...) and pencil, paint, markered
up walls I am glad that we are just renting! But,
carpets can be cleaned, and walls can be washed. When
buying art supplies, I try to get the washable Crayola
brand as it comes off the walls (and other surfaces)
suprisingly easy.
-Jennefer
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pretty darn good condition when we moved in here 3
years ago. It gets stained fast! Some things I've
found to make this easier and helpful are: 1.) Get
some Bac-Out; it will take out poop stains from the
carpet from your 1 year old. 2.) There is something
called Folex that comes in a white spray bottle. It
takes out lots of stains- sort of bleaches them out.
It claims to take out red wine stains. It's taken out
strawberry and grape juice stains for me. 3.) Get
your carpets cleaned every 6 months. That's about how
long it takes for ours to get so gross I don't even
want to lay on it and am embarressed to have other
kids play on it. With a cheap carpet cleaning, it's
suprising how brand new clean it gets! 4.) Throw an
area rug on top of it or a blanket. Dirty carpet?
What dirty carpet?
When I look around and see our stained, dirty, pee
smelling carpet (mmm...) and pencil, paint, markered
up walls I am glad that we are just renting! But,
carpets can be cleaned, and walls can be washed. When
buying art supplies, I try to get the washable Crayola
brand as it comes off the walls (and other surfaces)
suprisingly easy.
-Jennefer
>>I do spend a fair amount of time hunched over a__________________________________
>>puddle of pee on the
>>carpet,
>>and that drives me nuts. The carpet is WHITE for
>>crying out loud (why
>>do
>>people do this?) and it's brand new (though cheap).
>>Our friends are
>>letting
>>us stay here for really cheap and I hate that it's
>>getting so messed
>>up.
>>Everytime it gets wet, it's that much more
>>susceptable to stains.
>>We'll
>>just have to get it cleaned when we leave--which we
>>would have done
>>anyway.
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In a message dated 8/23/04 3:40:18 PM, jenneferh2000@... writes:
<< 2.) There is something
called Folex that comes in a white spray bottle. It
takes out lots of stains- sort of bleaches them out.
It claims to take out red wine stains. It's taken out
strawberry and grape juice stains for me. >>
I think I first heard about it on this list. I got spilled ink out of blue
carpet. Used to be a big black stain 4" long and is now a little reddish stain
2" long. That's a very good deal. <g> They sell it at Walmart.
But I like the idea of putting another rug over that carpet.
Sandra
<< 2.) There is something
called Folex that comes in a white spray bottle. It
takes out lots of stains- sort of bleaches them out.
It claims to take out red wine stains. It's taken out
strawberry and grape juice stains for me. >>
I think I first heard about it on this list. I got spilled ink out of blue
carpet. Used to be a big black stain 4" long and is now a little reddish stain
2" long. That's a very good deal. <g> They sell it at Walmart.
But I like the idea of putting another rug over that carpet.
Sandra
Andrea Burlingame
But I like the idea of putting another rug over that carpet.
=============
Me too. When we moved in here, I actually put an long piece of scrap carpet
I found out on the patio in the hallway, since it is such a heavy use area.
First time I saw the place, I had immediate visions of the brown track that
would run down the hall if I didn't do something.
I'll have to try bac out for the poop stain that lies just beyond the
makeshift runner. 3yo didn't quite make it to the bathroom, but she made it
3 inches past the protective runner. Figures! LOL!
~Andrea
=============
Me too. When we moved in here, I actually put an long piece of scrap carpet
I found out on the patio in the hallway, since it is such a heavy use area.
First time I saw the place, I had immediate visions of the brown track that
would run down the hall if I didn't do something.
I'll have to try bac out for the poop stain that lies just beyond the
makeshift runner. 3yo didn't quite make it to the bathroom, but she made it
3 inches past the protective runner. Figures! LOL!
~Andrea