T.V./video selectivity - Sorry-long
[email protected]
I am a couple days behind in the postings, but I have seen a lot of talk
about T.V. and keeping younger children from viewing certain things and haven't
really seen this subject come up yet.
We began as relaxed parents, but not really to the degree we are now, nor to
the degree a lot of experienced unschoolers are (or the degree we probably
eventually will be), so we began limiting what Wyl watched to a few things-which
really wasn't a big deal, because he never was one for sitting in front of the
t.v. much or for long-he'd rather be moving, running, doing something. As
he's gotten older, he's gotten to the point where his "get up and move about"
periods have gotten shorter and less frequent-to the point he can usually watch a
whole kid-movie (an hour to 90 minutes) without too much pausing or shutting
off. I taped and screened everything he watched when he was little (Sesame
Street, Mr. Rodgers, etc.) not for scary stuff, but more for ... exposure
content. To go back a little, I asked a couple months ago how to expose Wyl to the
negative and positive aspects of a new baby coming, and got a lot of you who
said, basically, if you don't tell him about the "negatives", he may never find
them himself (like jealousy, less mom time, lots of crying, etc.), and that's
basically what I screened his shows for-meanness, prejudice, hatefullness,
etc.-figuring the same; why expose him to it before he "needs" to be, or before it
comes up in our day to day lives? It seemed to be fine. He never really asked
to watch anything else, much, but the few he did occasionally ask, I
explained as being "too old" for him, since they had sibling rivalry, hatefullness in
school and such. Mr. Rodgers even had one with a little song about how you
"don't go down the tub drain" with the water! Wyl had never had the concept of
this, and was just beginning to potty train, and I really didn't want him to
"aquire" this fear-so we just fast forwarded through that part. (When he asked
why, I told him that there was a little part in it that mama didn't like) Dave
and I previewed a few Bob the Builder shows and Dave was all for letting him
watch it-I thought it was okay except for the Lofty whining about everything and
being afraid of the dark and little things. Great for kids that have those
fears not to feel isolated in their fear, but Wyl didn't. Until after Dave
really thought it could do no harm and I agreed to let him watch it. Ever since he
started watching it, he now has little episodes where he's afraid of the dark
and he whines a lot-seems like constantly, but really it isn't-just compared
to a kid who never whined it seems like a lot.
What point I'm trying to get to and ask here (Sorry!) is how do I allow him
that "self regulation" without exposing him to sibling rivalry, hitting
siblings, hating sibling for "taking mom and dad's time", meanness, etc.? I have
always delt gently with him and explained when we do run across these things in
life, but I'm concerned with exposing him to these things, especially if he may
not ever encounter them... especially with a baby on the way in 3 months... I
thought of going with "Maybe bunny families treat each other like this, but I
don't think this would be a good way to deal with it in our family" or some
such thing, but it just doesn't feel right... and once that seed is planted...
Anyone have any ideas for us? Thanks!
Sang
One parent is worth a thousand teachers-ancient Chinese proverb
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
about T.V. and keeping younger children from viewing certain things and haven't
really seen this subject come up yet.
We began as relaxed parents, but not really to the degree we are now, nor to
the degree a lot of experienced unschoolers are (or the degree we probably
eventually will be), so we began limiting what Wyl watched to a few things-which
really wasn't a big deal, because he never was one for sitting in front of the
t.v. much or for long-he'd rather be moving, running, doing something. As
he's gotten older, he's gotten to the point where his "get up and move about"
periods have gotten shorter and less frequent-to the point he can usually watch a
whole kid-movie (an hour to 90 minutes) without too much pausing or shutting
off. I taped and screened everything he watched when he was little (Sesame
Street, Mr. Rodgers, etc.) not for scary stuff, but more for ... exposure
content. To go back a little, I asked a couple months ago how to expose Wyl to the
negative and positive aspects of a new baby coming, and got a lot of you who
said, basically, if you don't tell him about the "negatives", he may never find
them himself (like jealousy, less mom time, lots of crying, etc.), and that's
basically what I screened his shows for-meanness, prejudice, hatefullness,
etc.-figuring the same; why expose him to it before he "needs" to be, or before it
comes up in our day to day lives? It seemed to be fine. He never really asked
to watch anything else, much, but the few he did occasionally ask, I
explained as being "too old" for him, since they had sibling rivalry, hatefullness in
school and such. Mr. Rodgers even had one with a little song about how you
"don't go down the tub drain" with the water! Wyl had never had the concept of
this, and was just beginning to potty train, and I really didn't want him to
"aquire" this fear-so we just fast forwarded through that part. (When he asked
why, I told him that there was a little part in it that mama didn't like) Dave
and I previewed a few Bob the Builder shows and Dave was all for letting him
watch it-I thought it was okay except for the Lofty whining about everything and
being afraid of the dark and little things. Great for kids that have those
fears not to feel isolated in their fear, but Wyl didn't. Until after Dave
really thought it could do no harm and I agreed to let him watch it. Ever since he
started watching it, he now has little episodes where he's afraid of the dark
and he whines a lot-seems like constantly, but really it isn't-just compared
to a kid who never whined it seems like a lot.
What point I'm trying to get to and ask here (Sorry!) is how do I allow him
that "self regulation" without exposing him to sibling rivalry, hitting
siblings, hating sibling for "taking mom and dad's time", meanness, etc.? I have
always delt gently with him and explained when we do run across these things in
life, but I'm concerned with exposing him to these things, especially if he may
not ever encounter them... especially with a baby on the way in 3 months... I
thought of going with "Maybe bunny families treat each other like this, but I
don't think this would be a good way to deal with it in our family" or some
such thing, but it just doesn't feel right... and once that seed is planted...
Anyone have any ideas for us? Thanks!
Sang
One parent is worth a thousand teachers-ancient Chinese proverb
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Game-Enthusiast
My kids (almost 8 and 9.5) are still often blown away when they see family
members on TV being really mean to each other. It gives us the opportunity
to talk about how we treat each other. Which type of family would you
rather live in, one where you talk about differences and work things out, or
one where they scream at each other and treat each other hatefully?
When my kids were toddlers I felt similar to you in that I didn't want them
exposed to nasty behavior before they'd have thought of it themselves. I
was concerned that they would imitate the mean behavior they saw on TV. I
didn't go to all the trouble that you do to keep it from them, though, and
gradually, as they saw more of that type of show, I realized that my fears
were unfounded because they didn't automatically start acting like the kids
on TV. That sounds like a lot of work to tape everything before you watch
it. What happens when you want to watch something *now* instead of after
it's taped?
With regards to being afraid of the dark, perhaps he was just trying out
what he saw on TV to see how you would react. My kids have never been
afraid of the dark or had nightmares despite the fact that they've watched
some pretty scary stuff. They like me to lie down with them while they go
to sleep and I still do. I enjoy the snuggle time and the talking that
happens at the end of the day. They don't lie there with their imaginations
running wild with no one to talk to. <reminds me of a Junie B. Jones book
we just read where her parents make her go to bed alone and scared even
though she is afraid of the monster under her bed. The kids wanted to know
why she just couldn't sleep with her parents. It seemed so mean.>
It's always a good idea to be there with your son when he watches a show so
you can answer any questions he might have or talk about what you see.
Angela
game-enthusiast@...
_____
From: Sanguinegirl83@... [mailto:Sanguinegirl83@...]
Sent: Friday, August 20, 2004 1:25 AM
To: [email protected]
Subject: [UnschoolingDiscussion] T.V./video selectivity - Sorry-long
I am a couple days behind in the postings, but I have seen a lot of talk
about T.V. and keeping younger children from viewing certain things and
haven't
really seen this subject come up yet.
We began as relaxed parents, but not really to the degree we are now, nor to
the degree a lot of experienced unschoolers are (or the degree we probably
eventually will be), so we began limiting what Wyl watched to a few
things-which
really wasn't a big deal, because he never was one for sitting in front of
the
t.v. much or for long-he'd rather be moving, running, doing something. As
he's gotten older, he's gotten to the point where his "get up and move
about"
periods have gotten shorter and less frequent-to the point he can usually
watch a
whole kid-movie (an hour to 90 minutes) without too much pausing or shutting
off. I taped and screened everything he watched when he was little (Sesame
Street, Mr. Rodgers, etc.) not for scary stuff, but more for ... exposure
content. To go back a little, I asked a couple months ago how to expose Wyl
to the
negative and positive aspects of a new baby coming, and got a lot of you who
said, basically, if you don't tell him about the "negatives", he may never
find
them himself (like jealousy, less mom time, lots of crying, etc.), and
that's
basically what I screened his shows for-meanness, prejudice, hatefullness,
etc.-figuring the same; why expose him to it before he "needs" to be, or
before it
comes up in our day to day lives? It seemed to be fine. He never really
asked
to watch anything else, much, but the few he did occasionally ask, I
explained as being "too old" for him, since they had sibling rivalry,
hatefullness in
school and such. Mr. Rodgers even had one with a little song about how you
"don't go down the tub drain" with the water! Wyl had never had the concept
of
this, and was just beginning to potty train, and I really didn't want him to
"aquire" this fear-so we just fast forwarded through that part. (When he
asked
why, I told him that there was a little part in it that mama didn't like)
Dave
and I previewed a few Bob the Builder shows and Dave was all for letting him
watch it-I thought it was okay except for the Lofty whining about everything
and
being afraid of the dark and little things. Great for kids that have those
fears not to feel isolated in their fear, but Wyl didn't. Until after Dave
really thought it could do no harm and I agreed to let him watch it. Ever
since he
started watching it, he now has little episodes where he's afraid of the
dark
and he whines a lot-seems like constantly, but really it isn't-just compared
to a kid who never whined it seems like a lot.
What point I'm trying to get to and ask here (Sorry!) is how do I allow him
that "self regulation" without exposing him to sibling rivalry, hitting
siblings, hating sibling for "taking mom and dad's time", meanness, etc.? I
have
always delt gently with him and explained when we do run across these things
in
life, but I'm concerned with exposing him to these things, especially if he
may
not ever encounter them... especially with a baby on the way in 3 months...
I
thought of going with "Maybe bunny families treat each other like this, but
I
don't think this would be a good way to deal with it in our family" or some
such thing, but it just doesn't feel right... and once that seed is
planted...
Anyone have any ideas for us? Thanks!
Sang
One parent is worth a thousand teachers-ancient Chinese proverb
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
"List Posting Policies" are provided in the files area of this group.
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members on TV being really mean to each other. It gives us the opportunity
to talk about how we treat each other. Which type of family would you
rather live in, one where you talk about differences and work things out, or
one where they scream at each other and treat each other hatefully?
When my kids were toddlers I felt similar to you in that I didn't want them
exposed to nasty behavior before they'd have thought of it themselves. I
was concerned that they would imitate the mean behavior they saw on TV. I
didn't go to all the trouble that you do to keep it from them, though, and
gradually, as they saw more of that type of show, I realized that my fears
were unfounded because they didn't automatically start acting like the kids
on TV. That sounds like a lot of work to tape everything before you watch
it. What happens when you want to watch something *now* instead of after
it's taped?
With regards to being afraid of the dark, perhaps he was just trying out
what he saw on TV to see how you would react. My kids have never been
afraid of the dark or had nightmares despite the fact that they've watched
some pretty scary stuff. They like me to lie down with them while they go
to sleep and I still do. I enjoy the snuggle time and the talking that
happens at the end of the day. They don't lie there with their imaginations
running wild with no one to talk to. <reminds me of a Junie B. Jones book
we just read where her parents make her go to bed alone and scared even
though she is afraid of the monster under her bed. The kids wanted to know
why she just couldn't sleep with her parents. It seemed so mean.>
It's always a good idea to be there with your son when he watches a show so
you can answer any questions he might have or talk about what you see.
Angela
game-enthusiast@...
_____
From: Sanguinegirl83@... [mailto:Sanguinegirl83@...]
Sent: Friday, August 20, 2004 1:25 AM
To: [email protected]
Subject: [UnschoolingDiscussion] T.V./video selectivity - Sorry-long
I am a couple days behind in the postings, but I have seen a lot of talk
about T.V. and keeping younger children from viewing certain things and
haven't
really seen this subject come up yet.
We began as relaxed parents, but not really to the degree we are now, nor to
the degree a lot of experienced unschoolers are (or the degree we probably
eventually will be), so we began limiting what Wyl watched to a few
things-which
really wasn't a big deal, because he never was one for sitting in front of
the
t.v. much or for long-he'd rather be moving, running, doing something. As
he's gotten older, he's gotten to the point where his "get up and move
about"
periods have gotten shorter and less frequent-to the point he can usually
watch a
whole kid-movie (an hour to 90 minutes) without too much pausing or shutting
off. I taped and screened everything he watched when he was little (Sesame
Street, Mr. Rodgers, etc.) not for scary stuff, but more for ... exposure
content. To go back a little, I asked a couple months ago how to expose Wyl
to the
negative and positive aspects of a new baby coming, and got a lot of you who
said, basically, if you don't tell him about the "negatives", he may never
find
them himself (like jealousy, less mom time, lots of crying, etc.), and
that's
basically what I screened his shows for-meanness, prejudice, hatefullness,
etc.-figuring the same; why expose him to it before he "needs" to be, or
before it
comes up in our day to day lives? It seemed to be fine. He never really
asked
to watch anything else, much, but the few he did occasionally ask, I
explained as being "too old" for him, since they had sibling rivalry,
hatefullness in
school and such. Mr. Rodgers even had one with a little song about how you
"don't go down the tub drain" with the water! Wyl had never had the concept
of
this, and was just beginning to potty train, and I really didn't want him to
"aquire" this fear-so we just fast forwarded through that part. (When he
asked
why, I told him that there was a little part in it that mama didn't like)
Dave
and I previewed a few Bob the Builder shows and Dave was all for letting him
watch it-I thought it was okay except for the Lofty whining about everything
and
being afraid of the dark and little things. Great for kids that have those
fears not to feel isolated in their fear, but Wyl didn't. Until after Dave
really thought it could do no harm and I agreed to let him watch it. Ever
since he
started watching it, he now has little episodes where he's afraid of the
dark
and he whines a lot-seems like constantly, but really it isn't-just compared
to a kid who never whined it seems like a lot.
What point I'm trying to get to and ask here (Sorry!) is how do I allow him
that "self regulation" without exposing him to sibling rivalry, hitting
siblings, hating sibling for "taking mom and dad's time", meanness, etc.? I
have
always delt gently with him and explained when we do run across these things
in
life, but I'm concerned with exposing him to these things, especially if he
may
not ever encounter them... especially with a baby on the way in 3 months...
I
thought of going with "Maybe bunny families treat each other like this, but
I
don't think this would be a good way to deal with it in our family" or some
such thing, but it just doesn't feel right... and once that seed is
planted...
Anyone have any ideas for us? Thanks!
Sang
One parent is worth a thousand teachers-ancient Chinese proverb
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
"List Posting Policies" are provided in the files area of this group.
Visit the Unschooling website and message boards: http://www.unschooling.com
Yahoo! Groups Sponsor
ADVERTISEMENT
<http://us.ard.yahoo.com/SIG=129es8lku/M=298184.5285298.6392945.3001176/D=gr
oups/S=1705081972:HM/EXP=1093076348/A=2319501/R=0/SIG=11tq0u909/*http://www.
netflix.com/Default?mqso=60185353&partid=5285298> click here
<http://us.adserver.yahoo.com/l?M=298184.5285298.6392945.3001176/D=groups/S=
:HM/A=2319501/rand=898961088>
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e>
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 8/20/04 3:00:24 AM, Sanguinegirl83@... writes:
<< how do I allow him
that "self regulation" without exposing him to sibling rivalry, hitting
siblings, hating sibling for "taking mom and dad's time", meanness, etc.? >>
My kids are good at seeing things and thinking (or saying) "that's not very
nice," or "why are they doing that?" or "that's not the way I want to be."
Kids don't emulate bad parts of things unless they were already feeling some
frustration. They need bad examples too. Fairy tales wouldn't work if none
of the characters were underhanded liars. But I've never known any child to
hear fairy stories and say "I really want to grow up to be the wolf," or
whatever.
(I do expect that someone will be willing to make up a story now just to
dispute that, which is unfortunate but has happened before. But it seems the
little team who came here to kick my butt have gone on now for a while anyway.)
I'm not afraid of mild bad examples. I have kept some things out of their
field of vision in subtle fashion. I don't link or strew EVERYthing. They've
always really liked LaVar Burton, but I didn't bring Roots home and say,
"Look, this is the role that made him famous." Marty watched Glory recently, but
at 15 he's old enough to know the time period and the context. Very young
kids who have no internal framework don't know when the civil war was, and
that makes a difference.
I warned Holly away from The Patriot. She'll see it someday, and if she
really wants to see it now/soon that's okay, but I would prefer to be there and
distract her a bit with talk about camera angles and special effects rather than
leave her to, perhaps, experience the parts involving children as a real-time
news report rather than the piece of storytelling art it is.
-=-I
thought of going with "Maybe bunny families treat each other like this, but I
don't think this would be a good way to deal with it in our family" or some
such thing, but it just doesn't feel right... and once that seed is pla
nted...
Anyone have any ideas for us? Thanks!-=-
Whether it's good or not, jealousy about second children is inevitable. If
you set it up so that he thinks he's wrong or bad, it adds insult to injury.
I remember when my sister was born. I was 3 and four months. My only-child
life was over forever, and she was sickly, and my mom blamed me for things I
couldn't possibly have done or thought. I started being wrong about everything.
Try to avoid that, if you can.
When Marty was born, Kirby was two and a half. I tried to talk to Kirby as
much as possible through those early days, to include him with me in lots of
actions and observations, so that he felt a part of the "we" that was me and
Keith and him, the ones who were there already, observing Marty as the new
member. It seemed better than having the parents on one "team" and the kids on
another, where the oldest is comparing what he has to what the other has all the
time.
Sandra
<< how do I allow him
that "self regulation" without exposing him to sibling rivalry, hitting
siblings, hating sibling for "taking mom and dad's time", meanness, etc.? >>
My kids are good at seeing things and thinking (or saying) "that's not very
nice," or "why are they doing that?" or "that's not the way I want to be."
Kids don't emulate bad parts of things unless they were already feeling some
frustration. They need bad examples too. Fairy tales wouldn't work if none
of the characters were underhanded liars. But I've never known any child to
hear fairy stories and say "I really want to grow up to be the wolf," or
whatever.
(I do expect that someone will be willing to make up a story now just to
dispute that, which is unfortunate but has happened before. But it seems the
little team who came here to kick my butt have gone on now for a while anyway.)
I'm not afraid of mild bad examples. I have kept some things out of their
field of vision in subtle fashion. I don't link or strew EVERYthing. They've
always really liked LaVar Burton, but I didn't bring Roots home and say,
"Look, this is the role that made him famous." Marty watched Glory recently, but
at 15 he's old enough to know the time period and the context. Very young
kids who have no internal framework don't know when the civil war was, and
that makes a difference.
I warned Holly away from The Patriot. She'll see it someday, and if she
really wants to see it now/soon that's okay, but I would prefer to be there and
distract her a bit with talk about camera angles and special effects rather than
leave her to, perhaps, experience the parts involving children as a real-time
news report rather than the piece of storytelling art it is.
-=-I
thought of going with "Maybe bunny families treat each other like this, but I
don't think this would be a good way to deal with it in our family" or some
such thing, but it just doesn't feel right... and once that seed is pla
nted...
Anyone have any ideas for us? Thanks!-=-
Whether it's good or not, jealousy about second children is inevitable. If
you set it up so that he thinks he's wrong or bad, it adds insult to injury.
I remember when my sister was born. I was 3 and four months. My only-child
life was over forever, and she was sickly, and my mom blamed me for things I
couldn't possibly have done or thought. I started being wrong about everything.
Try to avoid that, if you can.
When Marty was born, Kirby was two and a half. I tried to talk to Kirby as
much as possible through those early days, to include him with me in lots of
actions and observations, so that he felt a part of the "we" that was me and
Keith and him, the ones who were there already, observing Marty as the new
member. It seemed better than having the parents on one "team" and the kids on
another, where the oldest is comparing what he has to what the other has all the
time.
Sandra
[email protected]
In a message dated 8/20/04 5:57:27 AM, game-enthusiast@... writes:
<< With regards to being afraid of the dark, perhaps he was just trying out
what he saw on TV to see how you would react. My kids have never been
afraid of the dark or had nightmares despite the fact that they've watched
some pretty scary stuff. They like me to lie down with them while they go
to sleep and I still do. >>
My kids never slept alone until they were old enough to request it, and
Holly's not afraid of the dark, but Marty has been sometimes. (Not anymore.)
Kirby likes to go to sleep with a TV or music on, and I don't mind unless he leave
it on too long and too loud.
Sometimes Marty goes to bed with the TV on and a timer to turn it off, but
usually he stays up until he's moments from being asleep and then just times it
so he's in the bed when he falls asleep. <g> That's how I do it, so I totally
understand.
Kirby watched a scary movie visiting other teens the other day, and he
doesn't usually. He jumped out of his chair and yelped at a scary part, and they
commented on it, and he wasn't embarrassed at all, he said, but just told them
he doesn't like scary movies and usually avoids them entirely.
His dad does too, so I understand!
Sandra
<< With regards to being afraid of the dark, perhaps he was just trying out
what he saw on TV to see how you would react. My kids have never been
afraid of the dark or had nightmares despite the fact that they've watched
some pretty scary stuff. They like me to lie down with them while they go
to sleep and I still do. >>
My kids never slept alone until they were old enough to request it, and
Holly's not afraid of the dark, but Marty has been sometimes. (Not anymore.)
Kirby likes to go to sleep with a TV or music on, and I don't mind unless he leave
it on too long and too loud.
Sometimes Marty goes to bed with the TV on and a timer to turn it off, but
usually he stays up until he's moments from being asleep and then just times it
so he's in the bed when he falls asleep. <g> That's how I do it, so I totally
understand.
Kirby watched a scary movie visiting other teens the other day, and he
doesn't usually. He jumped out of his chair and yelped at a scary part, and they
commented on it, and he wasn't embarrassed at all, he said, but just told them
he doesn't like scary movies and usually avoids them entirely.
His dad does too, so I understand!
Sandra
TreeGoddess
On Aug 20, 2004, at 1:25 AM, Sanguinegirl83@... wrote:
sister liked to watch it. She heard this song on that episode and she
then became very fearful of the tub drain. It really stuck in her head
and even after "knowing" that she couldn't actually fit down the drain
she was still freaked out by it.
-Tracy-
> [Mr. Rodgers even had one with a little song about how youI never cared for Mr. Rodgers' show when I was little, but my younger
> "don't go down the tub drain" with the water! Wyl had never had the
> concept of
> this, and was just beginning to potty train, and I really didn't want
> him to
> "aquire" this fear-so we just fast forwarded through that part.]
sister liked to watch it. She heard this song on that episode and she
then became very fearful of the tub drain. It really stuck in her head
and even after "knowing" that she couldn't actually fit down the drain
she was still freaked out by it.
-Tracy-
[email protected]
In a message dated 8/20/2004 11:39:29 AM Eastern Daylight Time,
treegoddess@... writes:
I never cared for Mr. Rodgers' show when I was little, but my younger
sister liked to watch it. She heard this song on that episode and she
then became very fearful of the tub drain. It really stuck in her head
and even after "knowing" that she couldn't actually fit down the drain
she was still freaked out by it.
I wished I'd seen it.
I asked my mother one day-----and I remmeber this vividly---- whether
dorwning meant that you went down the drain.
She was (and I knew it at the time) distracted and just said, "Uh huh."
It was a long time before I really knew what drowning was and that it didn't
mean to go down the drain. I also avoided sink drains, pool
drains----everything. I would let the plug out of the tub only after I was OUT of the tub.
And I'd freak if a friend would let the water out too soon. It took a long
time for me (teens?) to be able to be in a tub with just a little water while it
drained. <g>
The GOOD part about this is that it made me make a concerted effort to never
be so distracted that I can't really *be there* for my kids when they ask
something. I *make* myself stop and think about the question and have never uh
huhed them----just in case. They also KNOW what drowning means.
I was also surprised to know that other children thought this. I thought *I*
was the only one! <g>
~Kelly
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
treegoddess@... writes:
I never cared for Mr. Rodgers' show when I was little, but my younger
sister liked to watch it. She heard this song on that episode and she
then became very fearful of the tub drain. It really stuck in her head
and even after "knowing" that she couldn't actually fit down the drain
she was still freaked out by it.
I wished I'd seen it.
I asked my mother one day-----and I remmeber this vividly---- whether
dorwning meant that you went down the drain.
She was (and I knew it at the time) distracted and just said, "Uh huh."
It was a long time before I really knew what drowning was and that it didn't
mean to go down the drain. I also avoided sink drains, pool
drains----everything. I would let the plug out of the tub only after I was OUT of the tub.
And I'd freak if a friend would let the water out too soon. It took a long
time for me (teens?) to be able to be in a tub with just a little water while it
drained. <g>
The GOOD part about this is that it made me make a concerted effort to never
be so distracted that I can't really *be there* for my kids when they ask
something. I *make* myself stop and think about the question and have never uh
huhed them----just in case. They also KNOW what drowning means.
I was also surprised to know that other children thought this. I thought *I*
was the only one! <g>
~Kelly
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 8/20/2004 7:57:04 AM Eastern Daylight Time,
game-enthusiast@... writes:
sometimes Wyl does. If that comes up, its most often a show that I've seen enought
time to know what to expect or am familiar with the show, and if it hasn't had
anything or much of anything "mean" on it, I might let him watch by himself,
but we most often watch together. We do often (now) discuss things that might
come up on a show, such as hitting or meanness, but it rarely comes up, now.
I'm kind of looking to the future more when his interests expand and as my
parents are buying more "non name brand" videos that have some scary ideas in them
(such as a group of 5 very young bunnies running off into the forest to find
their baby brother who was kidnapped by foxes without telling police or
parents, etc.). Oddly enough, I find the "adult" stuff with much less controversial
subjects than the kiddie stuff! LOL He loves Guys and Dolls and other
musical/stage stuff, and we really don't try to "ban" anything, but he has a very low
scare factor, so he can't sit through much of anything (Nemo-the sharks scare
him, Shrek 2, the Fiona kissing Prince Charming scared/upset him, etc.)., but
we let him try and either turn it off or fast forward through the scary parts.
With regards to being afraid of the dark, perhaps he was just trying out
what he saw on TV to see how you would react.
That's a possibility. I hadn't thought of that... though it has been going on
for several years, now, so I'm *thinking* that probably isn't it... but I'll
be more observant on that front to see. Thanks.
They like me to lie down with them while they go
to sleep and I still do. I enjoy the snuggle time and the talking that
happens at the end of the day.
We do that too, but not until he falls asleep. He shoos us out when he gets
tired-apparently people laying down with him keeps him from the actual sleep.
They like me to lie down with them while they go
to sleep and I still do. I enjoy the snuggle time and the talking that
happens at the end of the day.
If one of us (usually me) isn't right there watching something with him, I'm
always in the next room. But he usually only watches re-runs by himself or
movies that he's seen lots and lots of times.
He does do a lot of imitating what he sees, and before I was on this board
and learned more about relaxing and seeing things from different perspectives,
it bothered me some. But, now I see how the swordplay, video games, and other
ideas don't quash his imagination-they stimulate it quite a lot! He makes up
his own "video games" with wooden blocks and action figures on his floor, makes
up wonderful stories with the characters from games and stuff he's watched,
draws intricate pictures and puts them with stories from the same sources. Maybe
that's part of what makes me uneasy about the hatefullness and meanness on
things he might watch-since it really works into his play and stimulates him to
copy and emulate the behaviors...
Thanks for giving me a lot to think about!
Peace,
Sang
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
game-enthusiast@... writes:
> What happens when you want to watch something *now* instead of afterPersonally, *I* haven't had the need/want to watch anything *now*, but
> it's taped?
sometimes Wyl does. If that comes up, its most often a show that I've seen enought
time to know what to expect or am familiar with the show, and if it hasn't had
anything or much of anything "mean" on it, I might let him watch by himself,
but we most often watch together. We do often (now) discuss things that might
come up on a show, such as hitting or meanness, but it rarely comes up, now.
I'm kind of looking to the future more when his interests expand and as my
parents are buying more "non name brand" videos that have some scary ideas in them
(such as a group of 5 very young bunnies running off into the forest to find
their baby brother who was kidnapped by foxes without telling police or
parents, etc.). Oddly enough, I find the "adult" stuff with much less controversial
subjects than the kiddie stuff! LOL He loves Guys and Dolls and other
musical/stage stuff, and we really don't try to "ban" anything, but he has a very low
scare factor, so he can't sit through much of anything (Nemo-the sharks scare
him, Shrek 2, the Fiona kissing Prince Charming scared/upset him, etc.)., but
we let him try and either turn it off or fast forward through the scary parts.
With regards to being afraid of the dark, perhaps he was just trying out
what he saw on TV to see how you would react.
That's a possibility. I hadn't thought of that... though it has been going on
for several years, now, so I'm *thinking* that probably isn't it... but I'll
be more observant on that front to see. Thanks.
They like me to lie down with them while they go
to sleep and I still do. I enjoy the snuggle time and the talking that
happens at the end of the day.
We do that too, but not until he falls asleep. He shoos us out when he gets
tired-apparently people laying down with him keeps him from the actual sleep.
They like me to lie down with them while they go
to sleep and I still do. I enjoy the snuggle time and the talking that
happens at the end of the day.
If one of us (usually me) isn't right there watching something with him, I'm
always in the next room. But he usually only watches re-runs by himself or
movies that he's seen lots and lots of times.
He does do a lot of imitating what he sees, and before I was on this board
and learned more about relaxing and seeing things from different perspectives,
it bothered me some. But, now I see how the swordplay, video games, and other
ideas don't quash his imagination-they stimulate it quite a lot! He makes up
his own "video games" with wooden blocks and action figures on his floor, makes
up wonderful stories with the characters from games and stuff he's watched,
draws intricate pictures and puts them with stories from the same sources. Maybe
that's part of what makes me uneasy about the hatefullness and meanness on
things he might watch-since it really works into his play and stimulates him to
copy and emulate the behaviors...
Thanks for giving me a lot to think about!
Peace,
Sang
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 8/20/2004 10:28:34 AM Eastern Daylight Time,
SandraDodd@... writes:
don't *seem* that way-but I also don't see them at home in a relaxed, un-public
atmosphere.
I think a lot of my little brother being born trauma is part of my worry,
here, too. I was also 3 (and 3 weeks), and my brother was born with Spina
Biffida, which most people hadn't heard of to that point (late 60s), and up until the
mid 60's, was pretty much fatal. My parents changed (which never really
occurred to me until I was married many years) into quite different, somber,
worried, fretful, fearful people-so not only did I get a "someone" to share my
parents attention, I got a "different set "of parents along with it. I think
realising this has helped ease that concern for him, but he's also been the only
child for 2 1/2 years longer than I was. BUT, he's also more mature because of
it...
I think we're doing okay in the "don't present the bad stuff" area... He's
very excited about changing diapers, holding, carrying, teaching, etc.-even
wanted the baby to sleep in his room, until I explained about the crying babies
sometimes do in the middle of the night, and napping he would have to play
almost silently through... so now he's happy to have the baby in the room next to
his. He DID surprise me one day by referring to the baby as "your" baby-but I
was quick to let him know it was ALL our baby-Daddy, Wyl and Mama's. People
outside of the three of us don't help, though-they think they are, but my Dad is
especially ... severe-telling him very somberly that he will have lots of
RESPONSIBILITY when the baby comes, and "you know, you won't be able to ____
(shout, run recklessly through the house, whatever) when the baby comes, and stuff
like that. He *thinks* he's helping, but it worries me...
Maybe its all just pre-new baby jitters...? I don't know-last time, all I
could focus on was the delivery and the *pain* that no one would tell me anything
about-except "its the easiest pain to forget". ::eyeroll:: not helpfull. But,
now I know what to expect at labor time, so maybe my focus is moving to the
unknown step beyond that? I'm not a worrier by any means, but with new stuff, I
do like to do reasearch and try to find out what to expect, so maybe...
Thanks!
Peace,
Sang
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
SandraDodd@... writes:
> Whether it's good or not, jealousy about second children is inevitable. IfWell, I was thinking that, but hoping I was wrong. I see so many kids who
>
> you set it up so that he thinks he's wrong or bad, it adds insult to injury.
>
> I remember when my sister was born.
don't *seem* that way-but I also don't see them at home in a relaxed, un-public
atmosphere.
I think a lot of my little brother being born trauma is part of my worry,
here, too. I was also 3 (and 3 weeks), and my brother was born with Spina
Biffida, which most people hadn't heard of to that point (late 60s), and up until the
mid 60's, was pretty much fatal. My parents changed (which never really
occurred to me until I was married many years) into quite different, somber,
worried, fretful, fearful people-so not only did I get a "someone" to share my
parents attention, I got a "different set "of parents along with it. I think
realising this has helped ease that concern for him, but he's also been the only
child for 2 1/2 years longer than I was. BUT, he's also more mature because of
it...
I think we're doing okay in the "don't present the bad stuff" area... He's
very excited about changing diapers, holding, carrying, teaching, etc.-even
wanted the baby to sleep in his room, until I explained about the crying babies
sometimes do in the middle of the night, and napping he would have to play
almost silently through... so now he's happy to have the baby in the room next to
his. He DID surprise me one day by referring to the baby as "your" baby-but I
was quick to let him know it was ALL our baby-Daddy, Wyl and Mama's. People
outside of the three of us don't help, though-they think they are, but my Dad is
especially ... severe-telling him very somberly that he will have lots of
RESPONSIBILITY when the baby comes, and "you know, you won't be able to ____
(shout, run recklessly through the house, whatever) when the baby comes, and stuff
like that. He *thinks* he's helping, but it worries me...
Maybe its all just pre-new baby jitters...? I don't know-last time, all I
could focus on was the delivery and the *pain* that no one would tell me anything
about-except "its the easiest pain to forget". ::eyeroll:: not helpfull. But,
now I know what to expect at labor time, so maybe my focus is moving to the
unknown step beyond that? I'm not a worrier by any means, but with new stuff, I
do like to do reasearch and try to find out what to expect, so maybe...
Thanks!
Peace,
Sang
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Julie
*** Kids don't emulate bad parts of things unless they were already feeling
some frustration.***
I remember when the Simpsons first arrived on our screens and I was in
Vancouver with my father and his family. My 7 yr old brother became Bart.
Frustrated the hell out of my stepmum and dad. Last I heard he had been in
trouble with the police for stealing or assault. (I think he would be about
18 now) But his dad worked long hours and most of the talking they did was
question and answer stuff you know, "have you done your homework?" "not yet
dad" that sort of thing.
My boys love the Simpsons, they hang out for 6pm. I have never seen them
acting it out.
Julie
some frustration.***
I remember when the Simpsons first arrived on our screens and I was in
Vancouver with my father and his family. My 7 yr old brother became Bart.
Frustrated the hell out of my stepmum and dad. Last I heard he had been in
trouble with the police for stealing or assault. (I think he would be about
18 now) But his dad worked long hours and most of the talking they did was
question and answer stuff you know, "have you done your homework?" "not yet
dad" that sort of thing.
My boys love the Simpsons, they hang out for 6pm. I have never seen them
acting it out.
Julie
Fetteroll
on 8/20/04 5:39 PM, Sanguinegirl83@... at Sanguinegirl83@... wrote:
has the same style as How To Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids
will Talk and is a very easy read.
Joyce
>> Whether it's good or not, jealousy about second children is inevitable.Have you read Siblings Without Rivalry by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish? It
>
> Well, I was thinking that, but hoping I was wrong. I see so many kids who
has the same style as How To Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids
will Talk and is a very easy read.
Joyce
Aimee
<<Maybe
that's part of what makes me uneasy about the
hatefullness and meanness
on
things he might watch-since it really works into his
play and
stimulates him to
copy and emulate the behaviors...
Thanks for giving me a lot to think about!
Peace,
Sang>>
I think it's understandable to feel uneasy about these
things, but I would suggest that it's GREAT that he
acts out these things in play, he's processing and
exploring the *ideas*. Sometimes parents misinterpret
this as him *accepting* these ideas about life, and
yes, that might happen, like the being afraid of the
dark issue.
But you're there, you're paying attention, you're
responsive to the issues he is dealing with as he
becomes exposed to them, and that makes *all the
difference in the world*.
You're doing great, try not to *worry* so much! Try to
remember that these issues fade and change with time.
He won't be afraid of the dark forever, his
experiences will change his beliefs about things.
Like, my 10 year old still leaves his closet light on
at nite at home, but when we were on vacation, he
shared a room with his uncle, and he slept in there
with all the lights off and the door closed, no
problem. ;-)
It's just that he'd "rather" have a bit of light,
that's all.
~Aimee
that's part of what makes me uneasy about the
hatefullness and meanness
on
things he might watch-since it really works into his
play and
stimulates him to
copy and emulate the behaviors...
Thanks for giving me a lot to think about!
Peace,
Sang>>
I think it's understandable to feel uneasy about these
things, but I would suggest that it's GREAT that he
acts out these things in play, he's processing and
exploring the *ideas*. Sometimes parents misinterpret
this as him *accepting* these ideas about life, and
yes, that might happen, like the being afraid of the
dark issue.
But you're there, you're paying attention, you're
responsive to the issues he is dealing with as he
becomes exposed to them, and that makes *all the
difference in the world*.
You're doing great, try not to *worry* so much! Try to
remember that these issues fade and change with time.
He won't be afraid of the dark forever, his
experiences will change his beliefs about things.
Like, my 10 year old still leaves his closet light on
at nite at home, but when we were on vacation, he
shared a room with his uncle, and he slept in there
with all the lights off and the door closed, no
problem. ;-)
It's just that he'd "rather" have a bit of light,
that's all.
~Aimee