Re: [UnschoolingDiscussion] Digest Number 4825
Ali Kat
*******
With all that stuff, you could probably quit your job and spend time selling it all on ebay and make some good money for quite a while. Spend your afternoons holding up objects for your Mom to say "sell",
"give to so-and-so", etc. Maybe a live auction if you don't want to sort it yourself? If your Mom understands the financial situation properly, she might be game for something like this (and she would feel
like she is contributing!).
-Lisa in AZ*******
LOL! I have considered this... I need to get mom to agree :-) She'd probably make a killing if she would.
*****Well this is clearly a more complex situation than I understood ****
Robyn - yes, I know! That's why I tried to explain a little more without bogging down in all the "details". It's such a mess right now!
****What is magic about January to move, instead of, say, tomorrow. *****
Part of it is the guilt of leaving my mom with the mess she's in. I figure if I give her a date that I'm moving then at least she can't say that I sprung it on her or didn't give her time to get organized and ready to sell, etc... (she can still say that, but at least I won't believe it) I guess I'll feel less guilty in leaving her like that. Also, I am trying to "prepare" my daughter, as she does not handle change terribly well - I repainted her room 3 1/2 years ago to a lovely pink (from a hideous neon green) and she STILL brings up the fact that she wasn't asked and doesn't like it... (I won't make that mistake again - lol)
I don't know if she'd read anything on unschooling, etc. She needs glasses so I suspect that will be her reason not to read at this point. I'm sure some of her problems are with the programming she's been through for 50 some years... It (unschooling, etc) has been an adjustment for me, even though it all makes sense and has been my "thinking" for a long time before I discovered it was something people actually did.
I wouldn't mind getting married tomorrow, and neither would Jason. Part of waiting is letting him finish his flight training without the distraction of a new wife. He will go through 3 months of intense training from March to June. I think he fears that he will be neglectful of his wife, or that I may not deal well with his "inattention" - lol. It will be hard enough afterwards being a new commercial pilot and having to move and deal with schedules, etc... The other part of it is not wanting to freak out our families in what they would think as too soon - not that they rule that decision ultimately, but we want it to be a joyus occasion with our families or at least as guilt free on our parts as possible. While right now we are planning on next year this time, I suspect we will move the date up.
Also, I thought the transition from my mother's place to a place for just me and Bekka and later to our new place as a new "family" would be smoother than the transition straight to a new home and mom's new hubby... I don't want Bekka to blame Jason for the change in relationship with my mom (for I believe after a conversation I had with my sister last night that this is the "idea" my mom is planting in my daughter's head.) I know there will be problems as it is, but the influence of my mother on my daughter will be lessened if I am not living with her for a time. That's my thought anyways (if anyone has a similar experience I wouldn't mind hearing your story...) Also, I'm trying to save up and pack without rushing around like a mad woman.
My ex husband and I separated when Bekka was 2 1/2 mos. old - he disappeared out of state and we divorced 2 years later. He has refused to be invovled in her life for a myriad of "reasons" (which is ultimately better for her as he is NOT healthy), so I am not worried about the issue of dealing with her father since Bekka has never had a father to "miss" or think that Mamma will remarry... The issues I worry about is the whole getting used to living with someone new thing and the eventual "authority figure" Jason will represent... Though I'm not sure that's the best term to use, but I hope you know what I mean.
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With all that stuff, you could probably quit your job and spend time selling it all on ebay and make some good money for quite a while. Spend your afternoons holding up objects for your Mom to say "sell",
"give to so-and-so", etc. Maybe a live auction if you don't want to sort it yourself? If your Mom understands the financial situation properly, she might be game for something like this (and she would feel
like she is contributing!).
-Lisa in AZ*******
LOL! I have considered this... I need to get mom to agree :-) She'd probably make a killing if she would.
*****Well this is clearly a more complex situation than I understood ****
Robyn - yes, I know! That's why I tried to explain a little more without bogging down in all the "details". It's such a mess right now!
****What is magic about January to move, instead of, say, tomorrow. *****
Part of it is the guilt of leaving my mom with the mess she's in. I figure if I give her a date that I'm moving then at least she can't say that I sprung it on her or didn't give her time to get organized and ready to sell, etc... (she can still say that, but at least I won't believe it) I guess I'll feel less guilty in leaving her like that. Also, I am trying to "prepare" my daughter, as she does not handle change terribly well - I repainted her room 3 1/2 years ago to a lovely pink (from a hideous neon green) and she STILL brings up the fact that she wasn't asked and doesn't like it... (I won't make that mistake again - lol)
I don't know if she'd read anything on unschooling, etc. She needs glasses so I suspect that will be her reason not to read at this point. I'm sure some of her problems are with the programming she's been through for 50 some years... It (unschooling, etc) has been an adjustment for me, even though it all makes sense and has been my "thinking" for a long time before I discovered it was something people actually did.
I wouldn't mind getting married tomorrow, and neither would Jason. Part of waiting is letting him finish his flight training without the distraction of a new wife. He will go through 3 months of intense training from March to June. I think he fears that he will be neglectful of his wife, or that I may not deal well with his "inattention" - lol. It will be hard enough afterwards being a new commercial pilot and having to move and deal with schedules, etc... The other part of it is not wanting to freak out our families in what they would think as too soon - not that they rule that decision ultimately, but we want it to be a joyus occasion with our families or at least as guilt free on our parts as possible. While right now we are planning on next year this time, I suspect we will move the date up.
Also, I thought the transition from my mother's place to a place for just me and Bekka and later to our new place as a new "family" would be smoother than the transition straight to a new home and mom's new hubby... I don't want Bekka to blame Jason for the change in relationship with my mom (for I believe after a conversation I had with my sister last night that this is the "idea" my mom is planting in my daughter's head.) I know there will be problems as it is, but the influence of my mother on my daughter will be lessened if I am not living with her for a time. That's my thought anyways (if anyone has a similar experience I wouldn't mind hearing your story...) Also, I'm trying to save up and pack without rushing around like a mad woman.
My ex husband and I separated when Bekka was 2 1/2 mos. old - he disappeared out of state and we divorced 2 years later. He has refused to be invovled in her life for a myriad of "reasons" (which is ultimately better for her as he is NOT healthy), so I am not worried about the issue of dealing with her father since Bekka has never had a father to "miss" or think that Mamma will remarry... The issues I worry about is the whole getting used to living with someone new thing and the eventual "authority figure" Jason will represent... Though I'm not sure that's the best term to use, but I hope you know what I mean.
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Robyn Coburn
<<<Also, I am trying to "prepare" my daughter, as she does not handle change
terribly well - I repainted her room 3 1/2 years ago to a lovely pink (from
a hideous neon green) and she STILL brings up the fact that she wasn't asked
and doesn't like it... (I won't make that mistake again - lol)>>>>
Was it the change itself that she didn't like, or was it the violation of
her private space? I mean might she have liked a change if you had talked
beforehand?
My mother surprised me with a redecorated room once when I came back from
visiting my grandparents in Australia. She tells me I hated it and was
really angry. I have no recollection of that event, but I do recall having
the pervasive feeling all through my childhood that I had no privacy, no
right to personal space, that even my clothes and hair were controlled by my
mother. I remember begging my mother to leave my laundry on my bed instead
of put it away in my drawers when I was 15 years old, just so I could feel
like they were my drawers. She even listened in on phone calls when I was in
my late 20's.
<<<Also, I thought the transition from my mother's place to a place for just
me and Bekka and later to our new place as a new "family" would be smoother
than the transition straight to a new home and mom's new hubby... >>>
On the other hand making a move, just getting settled and then bang, making
another big move might be more difficult than only one slightly bigger
disruption. I don't know - tough stuff.
We spent most of my childhood traveling the world. Before marrying at the
age of 35 I had never lived at any single address for more than 2 years in
my life, and the average was less. We have now been here for 7 years!
Amazing to me.
<<<< I don't want Bekka to blame Jason for the change in relationship with
my mom (for I believe after a conversation I had with my sister last night
that this is the "idea" my mom is planting in my daughter's head.) I know
there will be problems as it is, but the influence of my mother on my
daughter will be lessened if I am not living with her for a time. >>>>
This makes me feel really angry on your behalf! Your mother is putting
herself ahead of both your happiness and your daughter's.
Have you read Sandra's empowerment certificate? There is something about
protecting your children from emotional harm that seems pertinent. Here's a
link:
http://sandradodd.com/empowerment
I notice you have a sister. It seems, and perhaps I am wrong, that you are
taking on an unbalanced proportion of the burden with your mother. Can your
sister help with the childcare issue to decrease the time Bekka is with her?
Robyn L. Coburn
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terribly well - I repainted her room 3 1/2 years ago to a lovely pink (from
a hideous neon green) and she STILL brings up the fact that she wasn't asked
and doesn't like it... (I won't make that mistake again - lol)>>>>
Was it the change itself that she didn't like, or was it the violation of
her private space? I mean might she have liked a change if you had talked
beforehand?
My mother surprised me with a redecorated room once when I came back from
visiting my grandparents in Australia. She tells me I hated it and was
really angry. I have no recollection of that event, but I do recall having
the pervasive feeling all through my childhood that I had no privacy, no
right to personal space, that even my clothes and hair were controlled by my
mother. I remember begging my mother to leave my laundry on my bed instead
of put it away in my drawers when I was 15 years old, just so I could feel
like they were my drawers. She even listened in on phone calls when I was in
my late 20's.
<<<Also, I thought the transition from my mother's place to a place for just
me and Bekka and later to our new place as a new "family" would be smoother
than the transition straight to a new home and mom's new hubby... >>>
On the other hand making a move, just getting settled and then bang, making
another big move might be more difficult than only one slightly bigger
disruption. I don't know - tough stuff.
We spent most of my childhood traveling the world. Before marrying at the
age of 35 I had never lived at any single address for more than 2 years in
my life, and the average was less. We have now been here for 7 years!
Amazing to me.
<<<< I don't want Bekka to blame Jason for the change in relationship with
my mom (for I believe after a conversation I had with my sister last night
that this is the "idea" my mom is planting in my daughter's head.) I know
there will be problems as it is, but the influence of my mother on my
daughter will be lessened if I am not living with her for a time. >>>>
This makes me feel really angry on your behalf! Your mother is putting
herself ahead of both your happiness and your daughter's.
Have you read Sandra's empowerment certificate? There is something about
protecting your children from emotional harm that seems pertinent. Here's a
link:
http://sandradodd.com/empowerment
I notice you have a sister. It seems, and perhaps I am wrong, that you are
taking on an unbalanced proportion of the burden with your mother. Can your
sister help with the childcare issue to decrease the time Bekka is with her?
Robyn L. Coburn
---
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[email protected]
In a message dated 8/6/04 3:19:54 PM, dezigna@... writes:
<< Was it the change itself that she didn't like, or was it the violation of
her private space? I mean might she have liked a change if you had talked
beforehand? >>
It could have just been the pink.
<g>
<< Was it the change itself that she didn't like, or was it the violation of
her private space? I mean might she have liked a change if you had talked
beforehand? >>
It could have just been the pink.
<g>
[email protected]
In a message dated 8/6/2004 6:45:40 PM Eastern Daylight Time,
SandraDodd@... writes:
changed the color of my room (from red-my favorite, though the color it was when
we moved in) while I was away on a 3 week trip to California with my
grandparents and cousin. I remember red being my favorite color long before I even got
the room (at 5 years old) but never remember hating pink until my mother redid
my room in what was HER favorite color (pink, at 8 years old)! I had assumed
that I had always disliked pink, but since you mentioned that, Sandra, I think
it may have been twofold-because my mother changed MY room without asking me
AND because it was HER favorite color... Hmmmm... I always learn SO much on
this board... an amazing amount of it is about myself!! :~)
Síocháin ar domhan,
Sang
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
SandraDodd@... writes:
> <<Was it the change itself that she didn't like, or was it the violation ofYou know... this all has something just occurring to me... My mother also
> her private space? I mean might she have liked a change if you had talked
> beforehand? >>
>
> It could have just been the pink.
>
changed the color of my room (from red-my favorite, though the color it was when
we moved in) while I was away on a 3 week trip to California with my
grandparents and cousin. I remember red being my favorite color long before I even got
the room (at 5 years old) but never remember hating pink until my mother redid
my room in what was HER favorite color (pink, at 8 years old)! I had assumed
that I had always disliked pink, but since you mentioned that, Sandra, I think
it may have been twofold-because my mother changed MY room without asking me
AND because it was HER favorite color... Hmmmm... I always learn SO much on
this board... an amazing amount of it is about myself!! :~)
Síocháin ar domhan,
Sang
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Elizabeth Roberts
My mother did that to me too. When we moved into a
house from an apartment after my mom married for the
second time, my room was blue. A nice powder blue. I
loved it. Unconventional and NOT girly. Next thing I
knew my mother had repainted it a light pinky-purple
and replaced the carpeting to match and thrown up
little bitty pink rosebud printed curtains and
matching bed linens.
UGH.
Sarah wants to paint her room a dark jade green and
run white doodles around it like it's tie-dyed; and
tie-dyed white sheets to match and curtains, and paint
her furniture a solid jade green. She picked out some
wooden letters spelling out her name to paint and hang
on the wall..in bright pink.
Guess what we're doing? Her way.
Elizabeth
--- Sanguinegirl83@... wrote:
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house from an apartment after my mom married for the
second time, my room was blue. A nice powder blue. I
loved it. Unconventional and NOT girly. Next thing I
knew my mother had repainted it a light pinky-purple
and replaced the carpeting to match and thrown up
little bitty pink rosebud printed curtains and
matching bed linens.
UGH.
Sarah wants to paint her room a dark jade green and
run white doodles around it like it's tie-dyed; and
tie-dyed white sheets to match and curtains, and paint
her furniture a solid jade green. She picked out some
wooden letters spelling out her name to paint and hang
on the wall..in bright pink.
Guess what we're doing? Her way.
Elizabeth
--- Sanguinegirl83@... wrote:
> In a message dated 8/6/2004 6:45:40 PM Eastern__________________________________
> Daylight Time,
> SandraDodd@... writes:
>
> > <<Was it the change itself that she didn't like,
> or was it the violation of
> > her private space? I mean might she have liked a
> change if you had talked
> > beforehand? >>
> >
> > It could have just been the pink.
> >
>
> You know... this all has something just occurring to
> me... My mother also
> changed the color of my room (from red-my favorite,
> though the color it was when
> we moved in) while I was away on a 3 week trip to
> California with my
> grandparents and cousin. I remember red being my
> favorite color long before I even got
> the room (at 5 years old) but never remember hating
> pink until my mother redid
> my room in what was HER favorite color (pink, at 8
> years old)! I had assumed
> that I had always disliked pink, but since you
> mentioned that, Sandra, I think
> it may have been twofold-because my mother changed
> MY room without asking me
> AND because it was HER favorite color... Hmmmm... I
> always learn SO much on
> this board... an amazing amount of it is about
> myself!! :~)
>
> S�och�in ar domhan,
> Sang
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been
> removed]
>
>
>
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Aimee
<<dark jade green and
run white doodles around it like it's tie-dyed; and
tie-dyed white sheets to match and curtains, and paint
her furniture a solid jade green. She picked out some
wooden letters spelling out her name to paint and hang
on the wall..in bright pink.
Guess what we're doing? Her way.
Elizabeth>>
I LOVE those colors together. I used to have a pair
of pink, green and white plaid shorts, I wore them as
often as possible, til they got holey and worn out.
lol I was about 11, I think.
~Aimee
run white doodles around it like it's tie-dyed; and
tie-dyed white sheets to match and curtains, and paint
her furniture a solid jade green. She picked out some
wooden letters spelling out her name to paint and hang
on the wall..in bright pink.
Guess what we're doing? Her way.
Elizabeth>>
I LOVE those colors together. I used to have a pair
of pink, green and white plaid shorts, I wore them as
often as possible, til they got holey and worn out.
lol I was about 11, I think.
~Aimee