Assisted Living Facilities Was--> RE: Re: Punishment...
jennefer harper
I'm coming late into this thread, but the following
response by Robyn urged me to read back a bit:
"Help your mother take out a home equity loan, move to
a small assisted
living place, and rent out the big place to a large
family to cover the
repayments???
Robyn L. Coburn"
Although this is an impressive suggestion to help
Alicia (I believe it is) and her daughter, I must
caution about making such a decision (and I believe it
was the mother's mother you were refering to, and not
the whole family) to move a senior citizen into an
assisted living place.
I have recently taken up weekend employment in such a
place (out of need for $$); residential living
facilities as it's called here. I cook and serve
breakfast and lunch, do light housekeeping such as
making beds, emptying trash, wiping out sinks, and am
also a back up caregiver. Basically I help out
wherever needed. This is my first experience working
with this age population and in this type of facility.
Let me tell you- I can barely stand to work there let
alone would I ever send any relative of mine,
especially my mother to a place like this. The owners
are in it for the money at the cost of quality of life
for the residents, the staff are not highly educated-
er, perhaps I should say, not highly intelligent
(borderlining on criminal), the food is crap
(institutional food, all heat and serve canned or
frozen and absolutely nothing organic!), and worse of
all- these facilities are so understaffed it really is
a tragedy that a lot of us send our elders to die in
these type of places were nobody really cares about
them and they get minimal attention and barely ever go
outside to feel the sun on their skins!
I realize there *must* be some good ones. But, this
is my insider's experience.
Hopefully other alternatives will come to light.
Perhaps you can lend out a room in return for some
caregiving help and/or childcare help. Perhaps you
can rent out a/another room to another single mother
with a similar aged child (and with similar parenting
styles).
It is obvious that your daughter *needs* more
attention from you. What does she do/where is she
when you are working?
trying to keep up with the reading,
Jennefer in Oregon
__________________________________
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response by Robyn urged me to read back a bit:
"Help your mother take out a home equity loan, move to
a small assisted
living place, and rent out the big place to a large
family to cover the
repayments???
Robyn L. Coburn"
Although this is an impressive suggestion to help
Alicia (I believe it is) and her daughter, I must
caution about making such a decision (and I believe it
was the mother's mother you were refering to, and not
the whole family) to move a senior citizen into an
assisted living place.
I have recently taken up weekend employment in such a
place (out of need for $$); residential living
facilities as it's called here. I cook and serve
breakfast and lunch, do light housekeeping such as
making beds, emptying trash, wiping out sinks, and am
also a back up caregiver. Basically I help out
wherever needed. This is my first experience working
with this age population and in this type of facility.
Let me tell you- I can barely stand to work there let
alone would I ever send any relative of mine,
especially my mother to a place like this. The owners
are in it for the money at the cost of quality of life
for the residents, the staff are not highly educated-
er, perhaps I should say, not highly intelligent
(borderlining on criminal), the food is crap
(institutional food, all heat and serve canned or
frozen and absolutely nothing organic!), and worse of
all- these facilities are so understaffed it really is
a tragedy that a lot of us send our elders to die in
these type of places were nobody really cares about
them and they get minimal attention and barely ever go
outside to feel the sun on their skins!
I realize there *must* be some good ones. But, this
is my insider's experience.
Hopefully other alternatives will come to light.
Perhaps you can lend out a room in return for some
caregiving help and/or childcare help. Perhaps you
can rent out a/another room to another single mother
with a similar aged child (and with similar parenting
styles).
It is obvious that your daughter *needs* more
attention from you. What does she do/where is she
when you are working?
trying to keep up with the reading,
Jennefer in Oregon
__________________________________
Do you Yahoo!?
New and Improved Yahoo! Mail - Send 10MB messages!
http://promotions.yahoo.com/new_mail
[email protected]
In a message dated 8/4/04 3:20:12 AM, jenneferh2000@... writes:
<< The owners
are in it for the money at the cost of quality of life
for the residents, the staff are not highly educated-
er, perhaps I should say, not highly intelligent
(borderlining on criminal), the food is crap
(institutional food, all heat and serve canned or
frozen and absolutely nothing organic!), and worse of
all- these facilities are so understaffed it really is
a tragedy that a lot of us send our elders to die in
these type of places were nobody really cares about
them and they get minimal attention and barely ever go
outside to feel the sun on their skins! >>
I had an elderly neighbor at our old neighborhood who was past 90, nearest
relatives Michigan and Kentucky, did NOT want to move there (they offered),
hadn't been able to get outside in the sun for several years, didn't really mind,
was sweet and happy with her books and art. She wasn't eating. Meals on
Wheels would come and she would put the stuff in the fridge. I would visit and
clean out her fridge sometimes, give the meat to my dog or cats, and throw out
the moldy fruit and stuff.
When she became unable to get out of her chair, she got one that lifts you
up.
When she went to a nursing home, just four blocks from where we lived, she
got fresh food (even if canned, newly prepared and delivered), clean water in
clean glasses, clean bedding, a bed that she could lift herself up with, a clean
window, roommates she liked sometimes, I'd bring her the books and papers she
wanted, she wrote letters and someone else made sure they got mailed. Someone
could open her mail for her. She was just at the edge of not being able to
open mail.
The dining room and common room had big skylights, which was more light than
she ever got at her old house. And her house had gotten really, really dusty,
and her cat had made messes she couldn't clean anymore.
When she was 96, organic food was the least of her concerns.
Sandra
<< The owners
are in it for the money at the cost of quality of life
for the residents, the staff are not highly educated-
er, perhaps I should say, not highly intelligent
(borderlining on criminal), the food is crap
(institutional food, all heat and serve canned or
frozen and absolutely nothing organic!), and worse of
all- these facilities are so understaffed it really is
a tragedy that a lot of us send our elders to die in
these type of places were nobody really cares about
them and they get minimal attention and barely ever go
outside to feel the sun on their skins! >>
I had an elderly neighbor at our old neighborhood who was past 90, nearest
relatives Michigan and Kentucky, did NOT want to move there (they offered),
hadn't been able to get outside in the sun for several years, didn't really mind,
was sweet and happy with her books and art. She wasn't eating. Meals on
Wheels would come and she would put the stuff in the fridge. I would visit and
clean out her fridge sometimes, give the meat to my dog or cats, and throw out
the moldy fruit and stuff.
When she became unable to get out of her chair, she got one that lifts you
up.
When she went to a nursing home, just four blocks from where we lived, she
got fresh food (even if canned, newly prepared and delivered), clean water in
clean glasses, clean bedding, a bed that she could lift herself up with, a clean
window, roommates she liked sometimes, I'd bring her the books and papers she
wanted, she wrote letters and someone else made sure they got mailed. Someone
could open her mail for her. She was just at the edge of not being able to
open mail.
The dining room and common room had big skylights, which was more light than
she ever got at her old house. And her house had gotten really, really dusty,
and her cat had made messes she couldn't clean anymore.
When she was 96, organic food was the least of her concerns.
Sandra
Robyn Coburn
<<<Although this is an impressive suggestion to help
Alicia (I believe it is) and her daughter, I must
caution about making such a decision (and I believe it
was the mother's mother you were refering to, and not
the whole family) to move a senior citizen into an
assisted living place......I realize there *must* be some good ones. But,
this is my insider's experience.>>>>
What a shame this is such an awful place! To be honest I had less "nursing
home" in my mind and more a condo with concierge and cleaning services and
nurse available when I made the suggestion. I'm not sure how much physical
assistance Alicia's mother requires, except that it is evidently getting too
much for her both in terms of time and emotional involvement.
Robyn L. Coburn
---
Outgoing mail is certified Virus Free.
Checked by AVG anti-virus system (http://www.grisoft.com).
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Alicia (I believe it is) and her daughter, I must
caution about making such a decision (and I believe it
was the mother's mother you were refering to, and not
the whole family) to move a senior citizen into an
assisted living place......I realize there *must* be some good ones. But,
this is my insider's experience.>>>>
What a shame this is such an awful place! To be honest I had less "nursing
home" in my mind and more a condo with concierge and cleaning services and
nurse available when I made the suggestion. I'm not sure how much physical
assistance Alicia's mother requires, except that it is evidently getting too
much for her both in terms of time and emotional involvement.
Robyn L. Coburn
---
Outgoing mail is certified Virus Free.
Checked by AVG anti-virus system (http://www.grisoft.com).
Version: 6.0.732 / Virus Database: 486 - Release Date: 7/29/2004
Have a Nice Day!
I suppose the lesson in this is that if you're considering placing your parents in one of these homes, make sure you do your homework.
There *are* good ones. And the are others that aren't. The only way to know is to do your homework.
Kristen
There *are* good ones. And the are others that aren't. The only way to know is to do your homework.
Kristen
----- Original Message -----
From: SandraDodd@...
To: [email protected]
Sent: Wednesday, August 04, 2004 5:43 AM
Subject: Re: [UnschoolingDiscussion] Assisted Living Facilities Was--> RE: Re: Punishment...
In a message dated 8/4/04 3:20:12 AM, jenneferh2000@... writes:
<< The owners
are in it for the money at the cost of quality of life
for the residents, the staff are not highly educated-
er, perhaps I should say, not highly intelligent
(borderlining on criminal), the food is crap
(institutional food, all heat and serve canned or
frozen and absolutely nothing organic!), and worse of
all- these facilities are so understaffed it really is
a tragedy that a lot of us send our elders to die in
these type of places were nobody really cares about
them and they get minimal attention and barely ever go
outside to feel the sun on their skins! >>
I had an elderly neighbor at our old neighborhood who was past 90, nearest
relatives Michigan and Kentucky, did NOT want to move there (they offered),
hadn't been able to get outside in the sun for several years, didn't really mind,
was sweet and happy with her books and art. She wasn't eating. Meals on
Wheels would come and she would put the stuff in the fridge. I would visit and
clean out her fridge sometimes, give the meat to my dog or cats, and throw out
the moldy fruit and stuff.
When she became unable to get out of her chair, she got one that lifts you
up.
When she went to a nursing home, just four blocks from where we lived, she
got fresh food (even if canned, newly prepared and delivered), clean water in
clean glasses, clean bedding, a bed that she could lift herself up with, a clean
window, roommates she liked sometimes, I'd bring her the books and papers she
wanted, she wrote letters and someone else made sure they got mailed. Someone
could open her mail for her. She was just at the edge of not being able to
open mail.
The dining room and common room had big skylights, which was more light than
she ever got at her old house. And her house had gotten really, really dusty,
and her cat had made messes she couldn't clean anymore.
When she was 96, organic food was the least of her concerns.
Sandra
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Crystal
litlrooh@e...> wrote:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I agree. There are good ones. One way to do your homework is to go
to your state Ombudsman's office and ask them for recommendations.
An Ombudsman's job is to speak for the residents when the resident
can't speak for themselves. They visit the residents of the
facility every week and ask them how things are going. If things
are not going well, they try to mediate between the resident and the
facility (they are always on the resident's side). They also send
weekly written reports to the state licensing agency which the state
uses when they do their annual survey of the facility. They know
which ones are good to their residents and which ones are in it for
the cash. If you go into any nursing home or rest home the
Ombudsman's name and phone number will be posted. Every state in
the country does this the same way.
Crystal
> I suppose the lesson in this is that if you're considering placingyour parents in one of these homes, make sure you do your homework.
>way to know is to do your homework.
> There *are* good ones. And the are others that aren't. The only
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I agree. There are good ones. One way to do your homework is to go
to your state Ombudsman's office and ask them for recommendations.
An Ombudsman's job is to speak for the residents when the resident
can't speak for themselves. They visit the residents of the
facility every week and ask them how things are going. If things
are not going well, they try to mediate between the resident and the
facility (they are always on the resident's side). They also send
weekly written reports to the state licensing agency which the state
uses when they do their annual survey of the facility. They know
which ones are good to their residents and which ones are in it for
the cash. If you go into any nursing home or rest home the
Ombudsman's name and phone number will be posted. Every state in
the country does this the same way.
Crystal
eriksmama2001
From my experience as a nurse and family member of assisted living
and nursing home patients, most are awful places from a loving and
caring point of view due to poor staffing ratios. However, that is
not their mission. It is to stay in budget and provide a marketable
service. Unfortunately, there are few alternatives or competitors to
their "service". Medicare doesn't pay for maintence care. One has to
have a skilled need for nursing, occupational, physical therapy to be
reimbursed. Private duty care is exorbitant.
The government's role in escalating health care costs is another one
of my soap boxes! lol. I don't believe the solution is to make health
care a "right". Let's not go there again! Anyway, it is a difficult
and expensive choice for families who don't choose to provide
maintence care at home.
As Sandra said, knowing you have a choice is hard. Life is hard. It
is easier to believe that someone owes you "health care". But at
whose expense? The nurses? The nursing shortage is severe again
already.
Ok, I'll stop.
Pat
--- In [email protected], "Robyn Coburn"
<dezigna@c...> wrote:
and nursing home patients, most are awful places from a loving and
caring point of view due to poor staffing ratios. However, that is
not their mission. It is to stay in budget and provide a marketable
service. Unfortunately, there are few alternatives or competitors to
their "service". Medicare doesn't pay for maintence care. One has to
have a skilled need for nursing, occupational, physical therapy to be
reimbursed. Private duty care is exorbitant.
The government's role in escalating health care costs is another one
of my soap boxes! lol. I don't believe the solution is to make health
care a "right". Let's not go there again! Anyway, it is a difficult
and expensive choice for families who don't choose to provide
maintence care at home.
As Sandra said, knowing you have a choice is hard. Life is hard. It
is easier to believe that someone owes you "health care". But at
whose expense? The nurses? The nursing shortage is severe again
already.
Ok, I'll stop.
Pat
--- In [email protected], "Robyn Coburn"
<dezigna@c...> wrote:
> <<<Although this is an impressive suggestion to helpones. But,
> Alicia (I believe it is) and her daughter, I must
> caution about making such a decision (and I believe it
> was the mother's mother you were refering to, and not
> the whole family) to move a senior citizen into an
> assisted living place......I realize there *must* be some good
> this is my insider's experience.>>>>less "nursing
>
> What a shame this is such an awful place! To be honest I had
> home" in my mind and more a condo with concierge and cleaningservices and
> nurse available when I made the suggestion. I'm not sure how muchphysical
> assistance Alicia's mother requires, except that it is evidentlygetting too
> much for her both in terms of time and emotional involvement.
>
> Robyn L. Coburn
>
>
>
>
>
> ---
> Outgoing mail is certified Virus Free.
> Checked by AVG anti-virus system (http://www.grisoft.com).
> Version: 6.0.732 / Virus Database: 486 - Release Date: 7/29/2004
J. Stauffer
<<<<> From my experience as a nurse and family member of assisted living
It was nightmarish.
However, I live next door to an adult care foster home. The family has no
more than 4 ladies living with them. They have a full time assistant to
come in to help. "Mattie's ladies", as they are known in the neighborhood,
have like an attached 2 bedroom apartment to the main house. They have a
patio to sit out on. They help garden if they want to. They help train the
parrot if they want to. They visit with the grandkids and my kids when they
are over. They go to the grandkids' birthday parties. In full, they are
accepted as members of the family.
My dh rides the ambulance and was first on the scene a few months ago when
Mattie called 911 that one of the ladies had died. The lady had lived with
her for 30 years. Mattie cried like a baby.
If I ever can't take care of my parents, I hope they go to Mattie.
Julie S.
> and nursing home patients, most are awful places from a loving andI have worked in a long-term care facility for profoundly retarded children.
> caring point of view due to poor staffing ratios. >>>>
It was nightmarish.
However, I live next door to an adult care foster home. The family has no
more than 4 ladies living with them. They have a full time assistant to
come in to help. "Mattie's ladies", as they are known in the neighborhood,
have like an attached 2 bedroom apartment to the main house. They have a
patio to sit out on. They help garden if they want to. They help train the
parrot if they want to. They visit with the grandkids and my kids when they
are over. They go to the grandkids' birthday parties. In full, they are
accepted as members of the family.
My dh rides the ambulance and was first on the scene a few months ago when
Mattie called 911 that one of the ladies had died. The lady had lived with
her for 30 years. Mattie cried like a baby.
If I ever can't take care of my parents, I hope they go to Mattie.
Julie S.
----- Original Message -----
From: "eriksmama2001" <scubamama@...>
To: <[email protected]>
Sent: Wednesday, August 04, 2004 12:26 PM
Subject: [UnschoolingDiscussion] Assisted Living Facilities Was--> RE: Re:
Punishment...
> From my experience as a nurse and family member of assisted living
> and nursing home patients, most are awful places from a loving and
> caring point of view due to poor staffing ratios. However, that is
> not their mission. It is to stay in budget and provide a marketable
> service. Unfortunately, there are few alternatives or competitors to
> their "service". Medicare doesn't pay for maintence care. One has to
> have a skilled need for nursing, occupational, physical therapy to be
> reimbursed. Private duty care is exorbitant.
>
> The government's role in escalating health care costs is another one
> of my soap boxes! lol. I don't believe the solution is to make health
> care a "right". Let's not go there again! Anyway, it is a difficult
> and expensive choice for families who don't choose to provide
> maintence care at home.
>
> As Sandra said, knowing you have a choice is hard. Life is hard. It
> is easier to believe that someone owes you "health care". But at
> whose expense? The nurses? The nursing shortage is severe again
> already.
>
> Ok, I'll stop.
>
>
> Pat
>
>
> --- In [email protected], "Robyn Coburn"
> <dezigna@c...> wrote:
> > <<<Although this is an impressive suggestion to help
> > Alicia (I believe it is) and her daughter, I must
> > caution about making such a decision (and I believe it
> > was the mother's mother you were refering to, and not
> > the whole family) to move a senior citizen into an
> > assisted living place......I realize there *must* be some good
> ones. But,
> > this is my insider's experience.>>>>
> >
> > What a shame this is such an awful place! To be honest I had
> less "nursing
> > home" in my mind and more a condo with concierge and cleaning
> services and
> > nurse available when I made the suggestion. I'm not sure how much
> physical
> > assistance Alicia's mother requires, except that it is evidently
> getting too
> > much for her both in terms of time and emotional involvement.
> >
> > Robyn L. Coburn
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > ---
> > Outgoing mail is certified Virus Free.
> > Checked by AVG anti-virus system (http://www.grisoft.com).
> > Version: 6.0.732 / Virus Database: 486 - Release Date: 7/29/2004
>
>
>
>
> "List Posting Policies" are provided in the files area of this group.
>
> Visit the Unschooling website and message boards:
http://www.unschooling.com
> Yahoo! Groups Links
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
[email protected]
In a message dated 8/4/04 12:09:12 PM, scubamama@... writes:
<< As Sandra said, knowing you have a choice is hard. Life is hard. It
is easier to believe that someone owes you "health care". But at
whose expense? The nurses? The nursing shortage is severe again
already. >>
My mom could have and should have gone to a nursing home, or stayed in the
hospital. She wanted to go to her own apartment and either get better or die.
When home hospice care people showed up the day she got out of the hospital,
she ran them off and told them not to come back. I didn't know that for
nearly a week.
She lied to get out of the hospital.
She lied to me about how and why she was out.
She lied to her friend.
She hid her prescription slips so I didn't know she was supposed to get meds.
She told her friend (who knew about them) that I would take care of filling
them.
And so forth.
And so I could have treated her like a mental incompetent and had her
committed to government care, or I could let her have her way, which is what I did.
When someone is more cooperative the questions and answers are altogether
different.
Sandra
<< As Sandra said, knowing you have a choice is hard. Life is hard. It
is easier to believe that someone owes you "health care". But at
whose expense? The nurses? The nursing shortage is severe again
already. >>
My mom could have and should have gone to a nursing home, or stayed in the
hospital. She wanted to go to her own apartment and either get better or die.
When home hospice care people showed up the day she got out of the hospital,
she ran them off and told them not to come back. I didn't know that for
nearly a week.
She lied to get out of the hospital.
She lied to me about how and why she was out.
She lied to her friend.
She hid her prescription slips so I didn't know she was supposed to get meds.
She told her friend (who knew about them) that I would take care of filling
them.
And so forth.
And so I could have treated her like a mental incompetent and had her
committed to government care, or I could let her have her way, which is what I did.
When someone is more cooperative the questions and answers are altogether
different.
Sandra
eriksmama2001
Mattie has a mission and it isn't budget. I hope I go there too.
Pat
--- In [email protected], "J. Stauffer"
<jnjstau@g...> wrote:
Pat
--- In [email protected], "J. Stauffer"
<jnjstau@g...> wrote:
> <<<<> From my experience as a nurse and family member of assistedliving
> > and nursing home patients, most are awful places from a loving andchildren.
> > caring point of view due to poor staffing ratios. >>>>
>
> I have worked in a long-term care facility for profoundly retarded
> It was nightmarish.has no
>
> However, I live next door to an adult care foster home. The family
> more than 4 ladies living with them. They have a full timeassistant to
> come in to help. "Mattie's ladies", as they are known in theneighborhood,
> have like an attached 2 bedroom apartment to the main house. Theyhave a
> patio to sit out on. They help garden if they want to. They helptrain the
> parrot if they want to. They visit with the grandkids and my kidswhen they
> are over. They go to the grandkids' birthday parties. In full,they are
> accepted as members of the family.ago when
>
> My dh rides the ambulance and was first on the scene a few months
> Mattie called 911 that one of the ladies had died. The lady hadlived with
> her for 30 years. Mattie cried like a baby.RE: Re:
>
> If I ever can't take care of my parents, I hope they go to Mattie.
>
> Julie S.
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: "eriksmama2001" <scubamama@e...>
> To: <[email protected]>
> Sent: Wednesday, August 04, 2004 12:26 PM
> Subject: [UnschoolingDiscussion] Assisted Living Facilities Was-->
> Punishment...marketable
>
>
> > From my experience as a nurse and family member of assisted living
> > and nursing home patients, most are awful places from a loving and
> > caring point of view due to poor staffing ratios. However, that is
> > not their mission. It is to stay in budget and provide a
> > service. Unfortunately, there are few alternatives or competitorsto
> > their "service". Medicare doesn't pay for maintence care. One hasto
> > have a skilled need for nursing, occupational, physical therapyto be
> > reimbursed. Private duty care is exorbitant.one
> >
> > The government's role in escalating health care costs is another
> > of my soap boxes! lol. I don't believe the solution is to makehealth
> > care a "right". Let's not go there again! Anyway, it is adifficult
> > and expensive choice for families who don't choose to provideIt
> > maintence care at home.
> >
> > As Sandra said, knowing you have a choice is hard. Life is hard.
> > is easier to believe that someone owes you "health care". But atmuch
> > whose expense? The nurses? The nursing shortage is severe again
> > already.
> >
> > Ok, I'll stop.
> >
> >
> > Pat
> >
> >
> > --- In [email protected], "Robyn Coburn"
> > <dezigna@c...> wrote:
> > > <<<Although this is an impressive suggestion to help
> > > Alicia (I believe it is) and her daughter, I must
> > > caution about making such a decision (and I believe it
> > > was the mother's mother you were refering to, and not
> > > the whole family) to move a senior citizen into an
> > > assisted living place......I realize there *must* be some good
> > ones. But,
> > > this is my insider's experience.>>>>
> > >
> > > What a shame this is such an awful place! To be honest I had
> > less "nursing
> > > home" in my mind and more a condo with concierge and cleaning
> > services and
> > > nurse available when I made the suggestion. I'm not sure how
> > physicalgroup.
> > > assistance Alicia's mother requires, except that it is evidently
> > getting too
> > > much for her both in terms of time and emotional involvement.
> > >
> > > Robyn L. Coburn
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > ---
> > > Outgoing mail is certified Virus Free.
> > > Checked by AVG anti-virus system (http://www.grisoft.com).
> > > Version: 6.0.732 / Virus Database: 486 - Release Date: 7/29/2004
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > "List Posting Policies" are provided in the files area of this
> >
> > Visit the Unschooling website and message boards:
> http://www.unschooling.com
> > Yahoo! Groups Links
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> >