Re: Punishment, etc...
Ali Kat
Thank you all for your advice and guidance.
The child I was talking about is 8. I do think the parents are there but not "there" - they spend a lot of time on the internet. That could be the key. Any suggestions on how they can start to change their behavior and hopefully get their child to ask for what they need from Mom & Dad?
I think I am getting it more. Thank you for the info on principles vs. rules. It is a shift in perspective/mentality. I have been raised in the world of rules and restrictions. I do have trust issues too, and I see how that has filtered through to my daughter. I am trying... it seems like such a long process!
I guess I lump "unschooling" principles with parenting because the principles seem to be more natural and more along the lines of the type of parent/child relationship and "stuff" that I want my daughter to grow up with. I want her to grow up trusting herself, knowing how to make decisions, willing to do things different and new, and not fearing to make mistakes or do things "her way" instead of the societal "right" way.
The problem with "chores" and such is that we don't live in our own place. I live with my mother. I work full time, take care of my daughter, and attend to my disabled mother (and that's a whole story in itself). I am planning on moving in January. I can't do all the chores myself. I just can't. I need to work on finding our stuff amongst my mother's mess, sort/box it, AND keep up with the daily stuff - dinner, dishes, bills, vaccuming, etc ... How do I do that AND give my daughter what she needs from me? I either end up not giving her attention (she's 7) or things pile up and become overwhelming.
Thanks in advance.
Alicia
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
The child I was talking about is 8. I do think the parents are there but not "there" - they spend a lot of time on the internet. That could be the key. Any suggestions on how they can start to change their behavior and hopefully get their child to ask for what they need from Mom & Dad?
I think I am getting it more. Thank you for the info on principles vs. rules. It is a shift in perspective/mentality. I have been raised in the world of rules and restrictions. I do have trust issues too, and I see how that has filtered through to my daughter. I am trying... it seems like such a long process!
I guess I lump "unschooling" principles with parenting because the principles seem to be more natural and more along the lines of the type of parent/child relationship and "stuff" that I want my daughter to grow up with. I want her to grow up trusting herself, knowing how to make decisions, willing to do things different and new, and not fearing to make mistakes or do things "her way" instead of the societal "right" way.
The problem with "chores" and such is that we don't live in our own place. I live with my mother. I work full time, take care of my daughter, and attend to my disabled mother (and that's a whole story in itself). I am planning on moving in January. I can't do all the chores myself. I just can't. I need to work on finding our stuff amongst my mother's mess, sort/box it, AND keep up with the daily stuff - dinner, dishes, bills, vaccuming, etc ... How do I do that AND give my daughter what she needs from me? I either end up not giving her attention (she's 7) or things pile up and become overwhelming.
Thanks in advance.
Alicia
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Robyn Coburn
<<<The problem with "chores" and such is that we don't live in our own
place. I live with my mother. I work full time, take care of my daughter,
and attend to my disabled mother (and that's a whole story in itself). I am
planning on moving in January. I can't do all the chores myself. I just
can't. I need to work on finding our stuff amongst my mother's mess,
sort/box it, AND keep up with the daily stuff - dinner, dishes, bills,
vaccuming, etc ... How do I do that AND give my daughter what she needs
from me? I either end up not giving her attention (she's 7) or things pile
up and become overwhelming.>>>
This is where paying someone to help out is useful - someone to do some
simple sorting and packing up - or someone to take some of the load from you
with your mother - or someone to do part of the cleaning or your weekly
laundry. Also I urge you to look into getting your groceries delivered. If
you have Alberstons in your area they are doing home delivery or you pick up
a ready packed order from the internet. I was heartbroken when that other
service collapsed - it was such a boon while I was pregnant - no carrying
upstairs. Anything that will give you more time to hang unpressured with dd.
Robyn L. Coburn
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place. I live with my mother. I work full time, take care of my daughter,
and attend to my disabled mother (and that's a whole story in itself). I am
planning on moving in January. I can't do all the chores myself. I just
can't. I need to work on finding our stuff amongst my mother's mess,
sort/box it, AND keep up with the daily stuff - dinner, dishes, bills,
vaccuming, etc ... How do I do that AND give my daughter what she needs
from me? I either end up not giving her attention (she's 7) or things pile
up and become overwhelming.>>>
This is where paying someone to help out is useful - someone to do some
simple sorting and packing up - or someone to take some of the load from you
with your mother - or someone to do part of the cleaning or your weekly
laundry. Also I urge you to look into getting your groceries delivered. If
you have Alberstons in your area they are doing home delivery or you pick up
a ready packed order from the internet. I was heartbroken when that other
service collapsed - it was such a boon while I was pregnant - no carrying
upstairs. Anything that will give you more time to hang unpressured with dd.
Robyn L. Coburn
---
Outgoing mail is certified Virus Free.
Checked by AVG anti-virus system (http://www.grisoft.com).
Version: 6.0.732 / Virus Database: 486 - Release Date: 7/29/2004
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In a message dated 8/2/2004 11:28:35 AM Mountain Daylight Time,
sweetgypsiedncer@... writes:
I guess I lump "unschooling" principles with parenting because the principles
seem to be more natural and more along the lines of the type of parent/child
relationship and "stuff" that I want my daughter to grow up with. I want her
to grow up trusting herself, knowing how to make decisions, willing to do
things different and new, and not fearing to make mistakes or do things "her way"
instead of the societal "right" way.
============
That's a good reason to see them as part of a set.
I think it can be a kind of "re-view mirror" (Marty's kid-term for rearview)
situation. In hindsight people see clearly that learning involves LOTS more
than academics, but on the incoming side of unschooling, what it really is is
not-curriculum.
Yes, kids need to learn about food, housekeeping, sleeping when sleepy,
sharing computers, etc. And having someone else tell them when and where and how
to play, sleep, read, etc., probably doesn't work any in the longrun than
having someone tell them when, where and how to read or do math.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
sweetgypsiedncer@... writes:
I guess I lump "unschooling" principles with parenting because the principles
seem to be more natural and more along the lines of the type of parent/child
relationship and "stuff" that I want my daughter to grow up with. I want her
to grow up trusting herself, knowing how to make decisions, willing to do
things different and new, and not fearing to make mistakes or do things "her way"
instead of the societal "right" way.
============
That's a good reason to see them as part of a set.
I think it can be a kind of "re-view mirror" (Marty's kid-term for rearview)
situation. In hindsight people see clearly that learning involves LOTS more
than academics, but on the incoming side of unschooling, what it really is is
not-curriculum.
Yes, kids need to learn about food, housekeeping, sleeping when sleepy,
sharing computers, etc. And having someone else tell them when and where and how
to play, sleep, read, etc., probably doesn't work any in the longrun than
having someone tell them when, where and how to read or do math.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]