appreciating what we have
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In a message dated 7/31/04 7:42:43 PM, pamsoroosh@... writes:
<< Try reminding yourself that you're lucky to be
interrupted by your active, healthy, inquisitive, energetic kids. I
don't mean this as a criticism - not saying you should not complain
because others have it worse, or anything like that. I'm saying to try,
specifically, to say say specific words to yourself at the moment that
you're being stressed by the kids' behavior. Right then, at that
moment, say to yourself, "I have healthy, inquisitive,
energetic....kids." Self-talk is important. Use it to get yourself over
the rougher times - don't allow it to make rough times even rougher. >>
This helped me a lot when Marty was peeing the bed even when he was big, 8.
I cleaned up after him, or bought disposable small-adult sized diapers, and I
thought loving thoughts. And I reminded myself that some people have children
who have to be changed in the bed all day and night their whole lives. I
have a friend who became quadraplegic at the age of 24, sliding on snow, on an
innertube in the mountains. I have helped take care of her. Cathether. Bowel
program. Feeding by hand.
All Marty needed was supplies and encouragement and time.
Marty could get up and sit on the toilet just fine.
He could get up and take a shower.
All I had to do was furnish diapers and do some extra laundry.
I could have worked up a HUGE frustration and anger and resentment storm and
shamed him and blamed him and felt sorry for myself about having a big boy who
peed his bed.
My attitude made a massive difference in my life and his, and his brother's,
his sister's and his dad's.
It will make a difference in Marty's future wife's life, and his children if
any, whether or not they're late to sleep dry all night.
And it was a concious choice on my part.
Someone left this list lately, and specifically complained about my having
suggested people be glad they don't have kids who are disabled. I think it's
healthy and wonderful to see the blessings in our lives, and the joys, and the
benefits.
Someone at unschooling.com was trying to talk herself out of being more
gentle and present with her children because she had one who had died. She was
afraid she was being too soft, I guess. So what? She DID have a child die.
That SHOULD change her life.
Being appreciative and loving shouldn't be things to be ashamed of, but I
know why they are. Because we are generally of an overall couple of cultures
which have taught hard work and deprivation as virtues. People from other
cultures have been branded lazy by the predominant cultures, and so people tend
toward seeing success as being the ideal, and emotional comfort as NOT ideal.
An unhappy mother will not create happy children or a happy home.
A mother who clings to her frustrations self-righteously and criticizes those
who try to help her soften and relax is not moving toward more happiness.
Sandra
<< Try reminding yourself that you're lucky to be
interrupted by your active, healthy, inquisitive, energetic kids. I
don't mean this as a criticism - not saying you should not complain
because others have it worse, or anything like that. I'm saying to try,
specifically, to say say specific words to yourself at the moment that
you're being stressed by the kids' behavior. Right then, at that
moment, say to yourself, "I have healthy, inquisitive,
energetic....kids." Self-talk is important. Use it to get yourself over
the rougher times - don't allow it to make rough times even rougher. >>
This helped me a lot when Marty was peeing the bed even when he was big, 8.
I cleaned up after him, or bought disposable small-adult sized diapers, and I
thought loving thoughts. And I reminded myself that some people have children
who have to be changed in the bed all day and night their whole lives. I
have a friend who became quadraplegic at the age of 24, sliding on snow, on an
innertube in the mountains. I have helped take care of her. Cathether. Bowel
program. Feeding by hand.
All Marty needed was supplies and encouragement and time.
Marty could get up and sit on the toilet just fine.
He could get up and take a shower.
All I had to do was furnish diapers and do some extra laundry.
I could have worked up a HUGE frustration and anger and resentment storm and
shamed him and blamed him and felt sorry for myself about having a big boy who
peed his bed.
My attitude made a massive difference in my life and his, and his brother's,
his sister's and his dad's.
It will make a difference in Marty's future wife's life, and his children if
any, whether or not they're late to sleep dry all night.
And it was a concious choice on my part.
Someone left this list lately, and specifically complained about my having
suggested people be glad they don't have kids who are disabled. I think it's
healthy and wonderful to see the blessings in our lives, and the joys, and the
benefits.
Someone at unschooling.com was trying to talk herself out of being more
gentle and present with her children because she had one who had died. She was
afraid she was being too soft, I guess. So what? She DID have a child die.
That SHOULD change her life.
Being appreciative and loving shouldn't be things to be ashamed of, but I
know why they are. Because we are generally of an overall couple of cultures
which have taught hard work and deprivation as virtues. People from other
cultures have been branded lazy by the predominant cultures, and so people tend
toward seeing success as being the ideal, and emotional comfort as NOT ideal.
An unhappy mother will not create happy children or a happy home.
A mother who clings to her frustrations self-righteously and criticizes those
who try to help her soften and relax is not moving toward more happiness.
Sandra
Danielle Conger
> My attitude made a massive difference in my life and his, and hisbrother's,
> his sister's and his dad's.==========
This is so, so true. When we were coming back from New Hampshire two weeks
ago, we got caught in a massive traffic jam because of torrential downpours
in NY/ NJ. We were stuck on the Cross Bronx Expressway for 4.5 hours trying
to cross the bridge into North Jersey. What should have been a 4.5 to 5 hour
trip total, turned into an 11 hour drive!
All I kept thinking was "We are together and safe. We were not in an
accident; the van is not totalled and no one is hurt. We are all healthy." I
can't tell you what a difference that made, and I really believe that my
attitude and mental state kept the kids calm and happy even though dh was
getting visibly stressed out. Of course, the VCR in the van helped a bit,
too! ;) I just kept passing out snacks, refilling waters and helping the
kids pee in a bucket when they had to, which we just poured out the window.
All the kids just took it in stride, which is pretty amazing, considering
they're 7, 5 and 4 and strapped in a carseat for 11 hours straight. I said
to dh after we pulled up at the inlaws for the night, "Our kids are angels.
I don't ever want to hear anything else!"
--Danielle
http://www.danielleconger.com/Homeschool/Welcomehome.html
[email protected]
In a message dated 8/3/2004 3:59:44 PM Eastern Daylight Time,
danielle.conger@... writes:
I said
to dh after we pulled up at the inlaws for the night, "Our kids are angels.
I don't ever want to hear anything else!"
<<<<
<BWG>
My father is an adolescent psychiatrist. When he'd come home from work
(dealing with crazy teens and craizier parents!), my mother would start in on how
horrible we (my brother and I ) had been ALL DAY. My father would take one
look at us, give us each a big hug, and tell her that she had NO idea how
wonderful we were! <g>
Perspective! <G>
~Kelly
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
danielle.conger@... writes:
I said
to dh after we pulled up at the inlaws for the night, "Our kids are angels.
I don't ever want to hear anything else!"
<<<<
<BWG>
My father is an adolescent psychiatrist. When he'd come home from work
(dealing with crazy teens and craizier parents!), my mother would start in on how
horrible we (my brother and I ) had been ALL DAY. My father would take one
look at us, give us each a big hug, and tell her that she had NO idea how
wonderful we were! <g>
Perspective! <G>
~Kelly
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]