Affirmations (was Hitting, Biting, etc... )
[email protected]
<< I hear this voice in my head, "What's wrong with you? Breathe.
How can this be so hard?" >>
If you have a history that could use a more particular slant, you can
probably find it by google (if you had an alcoholic parent, or some kind of past
problems or recovery needs), but to replace the voices in your head, you just need
more soothing, helpful voices.
http://www.yourdailyaffirmation.com/affirmations/serenity_patience.htm
I can't find any particularly parent-of-toddler stuff. Do others here know
of some?
Reading Anne Ohman's writing can be really inspiring and calming.
There's some here:
http://sandradodd.com/anneohman
and she posts at www.unschooling.com
message boards
Reading the typical days might be helpful too:
http://sandradodd.com/typical
What I'm finding on the internet is too specific or not about kids...
There might be books.
We could brainstorm you some affirmations!
How about...
Make this moment a little better.
Breathe.
Others can think of better things I bet!
Sandra
How can this be so hard?" >>
If you have a history that could use a more particular slant, you can
probably find it by google (if you had an alcoholic parent, or some kind of past
problems or recovery needs), but to replace the voices in your head, you just need
more soothing, helpful voices.
http://www.yourdailyaffirmation.com/affirmations/serenity_patience.htm
I can't find any particularly parent-of-toddler stuff. Do others here know
of some?
Reading Anne Ohman's writing can be really inspiring and calming.
There's some here:
http://sandradodd.com/anneohman
and she posts at www.unschooling.com
message boards
Reading the typical days might be helpful too:
http://sandradodd.com/typical
What I'm finding on the internet is too specific or not about kids...
There might be books.
We could brainstorm you some affirmations!
How about...
Make this moment a little better.
Breathe.
Others can think of better things I bet!
Sandra
Paul Rathgeb
Hello Sandra,
I have enjoyed your writing in the past and look forward to future articles. You may or may not be interested, but I'm spearheading a local publication here in the Olympia, Washington area and I am currently seeking submissions. It is a quarterly issue on the idea of self-directed learning and community-based learning. The next theme is on democracy at home and community. I am looking for someone to perhaps speak (write) on behalf of democracy (if or when it applies) at home or within homeschool groups. I have done a lot of (research) exploration into homeschooling, unschooling, deschooling, and intentional communities, as a part of my college studies and beyond. Please let me know if this is feasible. I look forward to hearing from you. Feel free to shoot me any questions or concerns naturallearning@.... BE WELL! Paul
"The fate of the country does no depend on how you vote at the polls-the worst man is as strong as the best at the game;it does not depend on what type of paper you drop into the ballot box once a year, but on what kind of man you drop from your chamber into the street every morning."
Henry David Thoreau
---------------------------------
Do you Yahoo!?
New and Improved Yahoo! Mail - 100MB free storage!
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I have enjoyed your writing in the past and look forward to future articles. You may or may not be interested, but I'm spearheading a local publication here in the Olympia, Washington area and I am currently seeking submissions. It is a quarterly issue on the idea of self-directed learning and community-based learning. The next theme is on democracy at home and community. I am looking for someone to perhaps speak (write) on behalf of democracy (if or when it applies) at home or within homeschool groups. I have done a lot of (research) exploration into homeschooling, unschooling, deschooling, and intentional communities, as a part of my college studies and beyond. Please let me know if this is feasible. I look forward to hearing from you. Feel free to shoot me any questions or concerns naturallearning@.... BE WELL! Paul
"The fate of the country does no depend on how you vote at the polls-the worst man is as strong as the best at the game;it does not depend on what type of paper you drop into the ballot box once a year, but on what kind of man you drop from your chamber into the street every morning."
Henry David Thoreau
---------------------------------
Do you Yahoo!?
New and Improved Yahoo! Mail - 100MB free storage!
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Andrea Burlingame
Wow! Wow. Thanks so much for all of this Sandra! I started reading and
I'm re-inspired and ready to change the world (ours anyway, then who
knows?). If only I weren't getting sleepy. I want to read and read. I
don't know why I didn't look at some of this sooner. I know it's there.
Thanks for pointing it out, yet again.
I will try the affirmations too. I promise. At first when I read your
suggestion that I should replace the voices in my head with more helpful,
soothing voices, I thought to myself, "Yeah, OK, but I was just joking to
illustrate my occassional state of mind." But then I realized, that IS my
state of mind and it's no joke! Can't really explain, but I was being hard
on myself, and not taking myself seriously at the same time. Anyway, it's
late and I'm probably not making sense, but I promise that I will change the
self-talk that goes on in my head. It will be hard. I have a history and
have been told this before. But I can change this now. I'm ready. (I
actually think this is an essential to changing our whole family
dynamics--how I feel seems to permeate us all.)
Thanks again!
Andrea
I'm re-inspired and ready to change the world (ours anyway, then who
knows?). If only I weren't getting sleepy. I want to read and read. I
don't know why I didn't look at some of this sooner. I know it's there.
Thanks for pointing it out, yet again.
I will try the affirmations too. I promise. At first when I read your
suggestion that I should replace the voices in my head with more helpful,
soothing voices, I thought to myself, "Yeah, OK, but I was just joking to
illustrate my occassional state of mind." But then I realized, that IS my
state of mind and it's no joke! Can't really explain, but I was being hard
on myself, and not taking myself seriously at the same time. Anyway, it's
late and I'm probably not making sense, but I promise that I will change the
self-talk that goes on in my head. It will be hard. I have a history and
have been told this before. But I can change this now. I'm ready. (I
actually think this is an essential to changing our whole family
dynamics--how I feel seems to permeate us all.)
Thanks again!
Andrea
----- Original Message -----
From: <SandraDodd@...>
To: <[email protected]>
Sent: Thursday, July 29, 2004 8:47 PM
Subject: [UnschoolingDiscussion] Affirmations (was Hitting, Biting, etc... )
>
> << I hear this voice in my head, "What's wrong with you? Breathe.
>
> How can this be so hard?" >>
>
> If you have a history that could use a more particular slant, you can
> probably find it by google (if you had an alcoholic parent, or some kind
of past
> problems or recovery needs), but to replace the voices in your head, you
just need
> more soothing, helpful voices.
>
> http://www.yourdailyaffirmation.com/affirmations/serenity_patience.htm
>
> I can't find any particularly parent-of-toddler stuff. Do others here
know
> of some?
>
> Reading Anne Ohman's writing can be really inspiring and calming.
>
> There's some here:
> http://sandradodd.com/anneohman
>
> and she posts at www.unschooling.com
> message boards
>
> Reading the typical days might be helpful too:
> http://sandradodd.com/typical
>
> What I'm finding on the internet is too specific or not about kids...
> There might be books.
>
> We could brainstorm you some affirmations!
>
> How about...
>
> Make this moment a little better.
> Breathe.
>
> Others can think of better things I bet!
>
> Sandra
>
>
>
[email protected]
In a message dated 7/30/2004 2:55:17 AM Central Standard Time,
aburlingame@... writes:
I have a history and
have been told this before. But I can change this now. I'm ready. (I
actually think this is an essential to changing our whole family
dynamics--how I feel seems to permeate us all.)
~~
And thus, you WILL change the world.
Karen
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
aburlingame@... writes:
I have a history and
have been told this before. But I can change this now. I'm ready. (I
actually think this is an essential to changing our whole family
dynamics--how I feel seems to permeate us all.)
~~
And thus, you WILL change the world.
Karen
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
eriksmama2001
My latest affirmation is "peace is powerful, breathe". My son is a
barometer of me. When I am tense, worried, aggitated, hungary, tired,
etc. he keys up a notch and starts clinging, whining, or seeking to
distract me from whatever he perceives to be bothering mama. He is so
perceptive of my emotions, more so than I am even, that he is a
little mirror for me to learn about myself. He is so acutely in tune
with me that it is very unsettling for him when I am unsettled, even
a little bit. I am amazed at his ability to read me. He is
NOT "acting out"; he is calling out for the calm mama. He will even
start saying "little baby needs his mama".
So, I realized that my peace is powerful to our calmness as a family.
I know that his reactions are a cue to recenter myself. As he has
grown older, he uses his words more to show me myself. When he was
younger, he used his actions too: hitting, grabbing, even biting a
few times. I have learned that these are his calls for help to
resettle our home. He wants a happy home as much as I do. But I do
have much more ability to break the cycle of harmony and disharmony
as the adult.
So, I will stop, kneel down to his level, hold or hug him and
whisper. Then he knows I am calmer, he is able to rely on me to help
him and he can move on. It is very disturbing to have the mama out of
control.
I am learning not to be a type A, it doesn't work well for us as a
family. Mama needs to be peace for the family to be peaceful.
Pat
barometer of me. When I am tense, worried, aggitated, hungary, tired,
etc. he keys up a notch and starts clinging, whining, or seeking to
distract me from whatever he perceives to be bothering mama. He is so
perceptive of my emotions, more so than I am even, that he is a
little mirror for me to learn about myself. He is so acutely in tune
with me that it is very unsettling for him when I am unsettled, even
a little bit. I am amazed at his ability to read me. He is
NOT "acting out"; he is calling out for the calm mama. He will even
start saying "little baby needs his mama".
So, I realized that my peace is powerful to our calmness as a family.
I know that his reactions are a cue to recenter myself. As he has
grown older, he uses his words more to show me myself. When he was
younger, he used his actions too: hitting, grabbing, even biting a
few times. I have learned that these are his calls for help to
resettle our home. He wants a happy home as much as I do. But I do
have much more ability to break the cycle of harmony and disharmony
as the adult.
So, I will stop, kneel down to his level, hold or hug him and
whisper. Then he knows I am calmer, he is able to rely on me to help
him and he can move on. It is very disturbing to have the mama out of
control.
I am learning not to be a type A, it doesn't work well for us as a
family. Mama needs to be peace for the family to be peaceful.
Pat
--- In [email protected], SandraDodd@a... wrote:
>
> << I hear this voice in my head, "What's wrong with you? Breathe.
>
> How can this be so hard?" >>
>
> If you have a history that could use a more particular slant, you
can
> probably find it by google (if you had an alcoholic parent, or some
kind of past
> problems or recovery needs), but to replace the voices in your
head, you just need
> more soothing, helpful voices.
>
>
http://www.yourdailyaffirmation.com/affirmations/serenity_patience.htm
>
> I can't find any particularly parent-of-toddler stuff. Do others
here know
> of some?
>
> Reading Anne Ohman's writing can be really inspiring and calming.
>
> There's some here:
> http://sandradodd.com/anneohman
>
> and she posts at www.unschooling.com
> message boards
>
> Reading the typical days might be helpful too:
> http://sandradodd.com/typical
>
> What I'm finding on the internet is too specific or not about
kids...
> There might be books.
>
> We could brainstorm you some affirmations!
>
> How about...
>
> Make this moment a little better.
> Breathe.
>
> Others can think of better things I bet!
>
> Sandra
Robyn Coburn
<<<little mirror for me to learn about myself. He is so acutely in tune
a little bit. I am amazed at his ability to read me. He is
NOT "acting out"; he is calling out for the calm mama. He will even
start saying "little baby needs his mama".>>>>
I am so happy to read this - I had forgotten this about Jayn. Exhaustion and
grumpiness really are contagious, aren't they? Just as much as joy and
calmness.
Over the past few nights I have been very tired and crabby. Early in the
week Jayn suddenly switched to her up-all-night mode, instead of slowly
moving to it over a period of weeks. I was playing catch-up and felt
desperate for sleep. Two nights ago she seemed to be crazier and wilder the
closer to morning it got (the tireder I got), including kicking me in the
head and laughing about it when I sat down near her.
I find it very hard to stop her from hitting and kicking out. Sometimes I am
literally just batting her hands away from my face, or desperately holding
her arms down, while keeping her body far enough away that she can't bite
me. I am reluctant to hold her until she is calm, after reading Jan Hunt's
article "The Dangers of Holding Therapy" ( www.naturalchild.org ) although
it is tough to know what to do instead. I do tell her to take deep breaths
and that helps her.
It is clear to me that the best solution generally is to avoid things
escalating to the point where she is acting crazy. In the daytime if there
is restlessness we can run outside to the pool, go to the park, or just run
about the neighborhood. At four in the morning these options are denied us,
if only in consideration of the other apartment dwellers across the
courtyard. Nor can she do too much big jumping and running in our second
floor apartment. Also my brain is not usually mush when I am less tired.
The first thing I did differently the following night was make sure she had
more food more regularly. My internal appetite/clock is so out of whack that
I just am not feeling hungry, so I had been waiting for her to let me know
that she was hungry. It made a lot of difference to just put out a bowl of
cut fruit and some eggs and bacon at appropriate (relative to hours awake
rather than the clock) times.
The second thing was rather than squabble over the television (we were
arguing over who was going to watch the big tv for goodness sake) I decided
to use her little tv/dvd combo to catch up on some dvd's that I have wanted
to see, using the headphones for quiet. To my pleased amazement, Jayn has
spent the last two nights letting me do quite a lot of this quiet watching,
which is easy to pause when she needs something, while playing nearby. She
gets to watch her stuff, or have the big set off. We have also done more
reading, and she has been playing with her musical instruments. The main
plus is that I don't have to listen to yet another rerun of "Max and Ruby".
The third thing has been that she has spent some time in the evening (her
morning) playing with dh, a crucial break for both of us. He had been out of
the house for the first couple of "angry" nights, by coincidence, and pretty
much going directly to bed when he got home. Not having to be her sole
source of interaction has made me feel less pressured.
The slow march back to daytime continues. Today she went to sleep a little
earlier than I would have liked at about 9.10am. Unless this is just a nap,
she will awaken at about 6.30 - 7pm. I'm about to go to bed now. I'm going
to keep the idea of her as a mirror in the forefront of my mind.
Great post, Pat. I've saved it in my Unschooling Keepers folder.
Robyn L. Coburn
---
Outgoing mail is certified Virus Free.
Checked by AVG anti-virus system (http://www.grisoft.com).
Version: 6.0.732 / Virus Database: 486 - Release Date: 7/29/2004
a little bit. I am amazed at his ability to read me. He is
NOT "acting out"; he is calling out for the calm mama. He will even
start saying "little baby needs his mama".>>>>
I am so happy to read this - I had forgotten this about Jayn. Exhaustion and
grumpiness really are contagious, aren't they? Just as much as joy and
calmness.
Over the past few nights I have been very tired and crabby. Early in the
week Jayn suddenly switched to her up-all-night mode, instead of slowly
moving to it over a period of weeks. I was playing catch-up and felt
desperate for sleep. Two nights ago she seemed to be crazier and wilder the
closer to morning it got (the tireder I got), including kicking me in the
head and laughing about it when I sat down near her.
I find it very hard to stop her from hitting and kicking out. Sometimes I am
literally just batting her hands away from my face, or desperately holding
her arms down, while keeping her body far enough away that she can't bite
me. I am reluctant to hold her until she is calm, after reading Jan Hunt's
article "The Dangers of Holding Therapy" ( www.naturalchild.org ) although
it is tough to know what to do instead. I do tell her to take deep breaths
and that helps her.
It is clear to me that the best solution generally is to avoid things
escalating to the point where she is acting crazy. In the daytime if there
is restlessness we can run outside to the pool, go to the park, or just run
about the neighborhood. At four in the morning these options are denied us,
if only in consideration of the other apartment dwellers across the
courtyard. Nor can she do too much big jumping and running in our second
floor apartment. Also my brain is not usually mush when I am less tired.
The first thing I did differently the following night was make sure she had
more food more regularly. My internal appetite/clock is so out of whack that
I just am not feeling hungry, so I had been waiting for her to let me know
that she was hungry. It made a lot of difference to just put out a bowl of
cut fruit and some eggs and bacon at appropriate (relative to hours awake
rather than the clock) times.
The second thing was rather than squabble over the television (we were
arguing over who was going to watch the big tv for goodness sake) I decided
to use her little tv/dvd combo to catch up on some dvd's that I have wanted
to see, using the headphones for quiet. To my pleased amazement, Jayn has
spent the last two nights letting me do quite a lot of this quiet watching,
which is easy to pause when she needs something, while playing nearby. She
gets to watch her stuff, or have the big set off. We have also done more
reading, and she has been playing with her musical instruments. The main
plus is that I don't have to listen to yet another rerun of "Max and Ruby".
The third thing has been that she has spent some time in the evening (her
morning) playing with dh, a crucial break for both of us. He had been out of
the house for the first couple of "angry" nights, by coincidence, and pretty
much going directly to bed when he got home. Not having to be her sole
source of interaction has made me feel less pressured.
The slow march back to daytime continues. Today she went to sleep a little
earlier than I would have liked at about 9.10am. Unless this is just a nap,
she will awaken at about 6.30 - 7pm. I'm about to go to bed now. I'm going
to keep the idea of her as a mirror in the forefront of my mind.
Great post, Pat. I've saved it in my Unschooling Keepers folder.
Robyn L. Coburn
---
Outgoing mail is certified Virus Free.
Checked by AVG anti-virus system (http://www.grisoft.com).
Version: 6.0.732 / Virus Database: 486 - Release Date: 7/29/2004
[email protected]
In a message dated 7/30/2004 12:01:52 PM Mountain Daylight Time,
dezigna@... writes:
The slow march back to daytime continues. Today she went to sleep a little
earlier than I would have liked at about 9.10am. Unless this is just a nap,
she will awaken at about 6.30 - 7pm.
===========
Marty did a couple of those cycles when he was fourish, five. He would do
his long sleep a little earlier each night, and wake up TOO early, and wasn't
taking naps anymore. But he finally settled.
I cried myself to sleep alot as a child. It's not good rest. And if a parent
can rest well while a child is sobbing her guts out, damn them. They
shouldn't be sleeping well. So I just never opted for "I SAID GO TO SLEEP" commands
resulting in crying. And when a kid is crying, nothing is more calming (she
says sarcastically) than the threat "Shut up or I'll give you something to cry
about." I hope and I wish that I was the last child on the earth to have
heard that.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
dezigna@... writes:
The slow march back to daytime continues. Today she went to sleep a little
earlier than I would have liked at about 9.10am. Unless this is just a nap,
she will awaken at about 6.30 - 7pm.
===========
Marty did a couple of those cycles when he was fourish, five. He would do
his long sleep a little earlier each night, and wake up TOO early, and wasn't
taking naps anymore. But he finally settled.
I cried myself to sleep alot as a child. It's not good rest. And if a parent
can rest well while a child is sobbing her guts out, damn them. They
shouldn't be sleeping well. So I just never opted for "I SAID GO TO SLEEP" commands
resulting in crying. And when a kid is crying, nothing is more calming (she
says sarcastically) than the threat "Shut up or I'll give you something to cry
about." I hope and I wish that I was the last child on the earth to have
heard that.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Dawn Adams
>I hijackd this excerpt from Robyn's post but was hoping someone could repost
> <<<little mirror for me to learn about myself. He is so acutely in tune
> a little bit. I am amazed at his ability to read me. He is
> NOT "acting out"; he is calling out for the calm mama. He will even
> start saying "little baby needs his mama".>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
the original as I mistakenly deleted it and can't find it in my deleted
folder. I'd love to keep it and share it with my SIL.
Dawn (in NS)