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In a message dated 7/23/04 7:26:51 AM, scubamama@... writes:

<< We use no punishment or rewards, but our 3 y/o

understands that playing his drums while someone is sleeping means

that someone can't rest. >>


If a three year old can get to a drum while someone's asleep, maybe the mom
needs to consider moving the drums.

If a three year old WANTS to play a drum while someone is sleeping, he needs
some new videos to watch.

My opinion.
There ARE rewards and punishments, in the form of natural consequences and
positive regard and gratitude. If someone wakes up and objects, the
relationship between those people drops a notch. When someone is really considerate, it
makes their next interactions easier. That's part of the whole ideal package
of integrity, conscience, etc. that kids can develop if people encourage them
instead of limiting and shaming.

"It feels great to help, sometimes, does't it?" or "I noticed the adults
were asking your advice," or "Thanks SO much for letting me sleep!" and such
other honest, positive messages are worth lots more in the character-development
arena than the negative warning, shaming, stuff.

If you tell someone "be good" and they already meant to, some people might
want to be bad because it remains the only way to make a decision that's NOT
just "doing what mom said."

Sandra