More on Bedtime was: Bedtime
Andrea Burlingame
==Why
would like to, I haven't fully embraced "no bedtime" for the little ones in
my house. My children are 10, 4.5, 3 and 1. My answer to the above
question would be: Well, for me, the point would be that *I* really need
some downtime in the evening, in order to feel sane and be able to enjoy
being their mommy the next day. I feel quite strongly about this and just
want it sooooo badly. I can can actually feel my chest tightening just
thinking about how much this has been frustrating me.
Lately, bedtime has become a major hassle like never before, in part I
believe, because the 3 yr old, instead of being in her crib now shares a
full-size bed with the 4.5 yr old and they bug each other incessantly. I
would like to get two twins, but am not in a financial position to do that
at the moment. Anyway, for the past couple of months, I've tinkered with
letting them play quietly in their room if they still want to be up past
10:00, and they either play too loudly and wake the baby, or (more often)
they fight and wake the baby, or one calls me to tell on the other,
"Maaaaaaaaahhhhhhmeeeeeeee!" loudly and wakes the baby. I can usually last
awhile, just kindly reminding them that Evan is sleeping in the next room
and he's tired, etc... and hugging them and asking them to please play
quietly or go to sleep, but by 11:30, sometimes sooner, sometimes later, I'm
furious and yelling (under my breath) and talking to them through gritted
teeth and just completely exhasperated. I've tried so many ways to give
them more freedom without completely giving up any opportunity to have a
single braincell to myself, and nothing seems to work consistently. In
fact, everything seems worse than when I just insisted they go to bed in the
first place.
I do truly need some time to myself, especially since my husband works in
Portland, three hours from here and is only here on weekends. With kids
this young, how can I eliminate bedtime and still enjoy the solace the
evening brings me? Has anyone had this problem?
Also, what if one child is tired and the other is not? Sometimes the 4 year
old just wants to go to sleep, but the 3 year old just HAS to bug her. We
don't have another quiet room for her to sleep in. The 10 year old, who
regulates her own sleep quite well is in one of the three bedrooms, and the
baby is with me in the other. If she came out here into the living room and
actually went to sleep, that would be one thing, but when I've tried having
her do that, she starts playing or talking to me about anything and
everything (remember this is time I really, really want to myself to read,
watch an adult-themed movie, knit quietly and think...whatever!). It just
doesn't work. Those of you who have actually gone to no bedtime when your
kids were younger, what did you do to have time to yourself?
~Andrea
> should anyone sleep when someone else thinks that they are tired?I've been watching this discussion carefully, because while part of me
> What is the point?
>
> Pat==
would like to, I haven't fully embraced "no bedtime" for the little ones in
my house. My children are 10, 4.5, 3 and 1. My answer to the above
question would be: Well, for me, the point would be that *I* really need
some downtime in the evening, in order to feel sane and be able to enjoy
being their mommy the next day. I feel quite strongly about this and just
want it sooooo badly. I can can actually feel my chest tightening just
thinking about how much this has been frustrating me.
Lately, bedtime has become a major hassle like never before, in part I
believe, because the 3 yr old, instead of being in her crib now shares a
full-size bed with the 4.5 yr old and they bug each other incessantly. I
would like to get two twins, but am not in a financial position to do that
at the moment. Anyway, for the past couple of months, I've tinkered with
letting them play quietly in their room if they still want to be up past
10:00, and they either play too loudly and wake the baby, or (more often)
they fight and wake the baby, or one calls me to tell on the other,
"Maaaaaaaaahhhhhhmeeeeeeee!" loudly and wakes the baby. I can usually last
awhile, just kindly reminding them that Evan is sleeping in the next room
and he's tired, etc... and hugging them and asking them to please play
quietly or go to sleep, but by 11:30, sometimes sooner, sometimes later, I'm
furious and yelling (under my breath) and talking to them through gritted
teeth and just completely exhasperated. I've tried so many ways to give
them more freedom without completely giving up any opportunity to have a
single braincell to myself, and nothing seems to work consistently. In
fact, everything seems worse than when I just insisted they go to bed in the
first place.
I do truly need some time to myself, especially since my husband works in
Portland, three hours from here and is only here on weekends. With kids
this young, how can I eliminate bedtime and still enjoy the solace the
evening brings me? Has anyone had this problem?
Also, what if one child is tired and the other is not? Sometimes the 4 year
old just wants to go to sleep, but the 3 year old just HAS to bug her. We
don't have another quiet room for her to sleep in. The 10 year old, who
regulates her own sleep quite well is in one of the three bedrooms, and the
baby is with me in the other. If she came out here into the living room and
actually went to sleep, that would be one thing, but when I've tried having
her do that, she starts playing or talking to me about anything and
everything (remember this is time I really, really want to myself to read,
watch an adult-themed movie, knit quietly and think...whatever!). It just
doesn't work. Those of you who have actually gone to no bedtime when your
kids were younger, what did you do to have time to yourself?
~Andrea
Robyn Coburn
<<<Those of you who have actually gone to no bedtime when your
kids were younger, what did you do to have time to yourself?>>>
James and I get our adult together time in the morning before Jayn gets up,
and that is generally when I get mine also. Of course we only have the one
kid, so it is easier - nothing helpful to add otherwise. Jayn always went to
bed with us as a baby and toddler, but slept longer.
Jayn suddenly jumped back into her night shift a few days ago, and I am
reeling a bit having to push myself to follow her. She took a nap on Tuesday
night and that did it. I thought we had a good 2 weeks worth of "days" to
live in. At least it is a lot cooler at night. I look forward to her being
old enough to not want my attention for the whole night. My natural rhythm
is to go to bed about 1 and get up at about 10-11. This is my favorite. Dh
is the early riser - and has a great ability to nap in the afternoon that
eludes me no matter how tired I might be.
Robyn L. Coburn
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kids were younger, what did you do to have time to yourself?>>>
James and I get our adult together time in the morning before Jayn gets up,
and that is generally when I get mine also. Of course we only have the one
kid, so it is easier - nothing helpful to add otherwise. Jayn always went to
bed with us as a baby and toddler, but slept longer.
Jayn suddenly jumped back into her night shift a few days ago, and I am
reeling a bit having to push myself to follow her. She took a nap on Tuesday
night and that did it. I thought we had a good 2 weeks worth of "days" to
live in. At least it is a lot cooler at night. I look forward to her being
old enough to not want my attention for the whole night. My natural rhythm
is to go to bed about 1 and get up at about 10-11. This is my favorite. Dh
is the early riser - and has a great ability to nap in the afternoon that
eludes me no matter how tired I might be.
Robyn L. Coburn
---
Outgoing mail is certified Virus Free.
Checked by AVG anti-virus system (http://www.grisoft.com).
Version: 6.0.721 / Virus Database: 477 - Release Date: 7/16/2004
eriksmama2001
I have had a mother's helper come for a couple of hours a couple of
times a week. She is a 16 year old girl who is playful and engaging.
Erik loves to have her come. They can play unsupervised while I can
read on-line or get some stuff done around the house. $5/hr. is well
worth it to me.
Pat
--- In [email protected], "Robyn Coburn"
<dezigna@c...> wrote:
times a week. She is a 16 year old girl who is playful and engaging.
Erik loves to have her come. They can play unsupervised while I can
read on-line or get some stuff done around the house. $5/hr. is well
worth it to me.
Pat
--- In [email protected], "Robyn Coburn"
<dezigna@c...> wrote:
> <<<Those of you who have actually gone to no bedtime when yourgets up,
> kids were younger, what did you do to have time to yourself?>>>
>
> James and I get our adult together time in the morning before Jayn
> and that is generally when I get mine also. Of course we only havethe one
> kid, so it is easier - nothing helpful to add otherwise. Jaynalways went to
> bed with us as a baby and toddler, but slept longer.I am
>
> Jayn suddenly jumped back into her night shift a few days ago, and
> reeling a bit having to push myself to follow her. She took a napon Tuesday
> night and that did it. I thought we had a good 2 weeks worthof "days" to
> live in. At least it is a lot cooler at night. I look forward toher being
> old enough to not want my attention for the whole night. My naturalrhythm
> is to go to bed about 1 and get up at about 10-11. This is myfavorite. Dh
> is the early riser - and has a great ability to nap in theafternoon that
> eludes me no matter how tired I might be.
>
> Robyn L. Coburn
>
> ---
> Outgoing mail is certified Virus Free.
> Checked by AVG anti-virus system (http://www.grisoft.com).
> Version: 6.0.721 / Virus Database: 477 - Release Date: 7/16/2004
J. Stauffer
<<<< Those of you who have actually gone to no bedtime when your
I hear you completely. We have 5 kids (13, 11, 7, 5 and 4). I also was so
desperate to have time to myself that I was pushing my kids away from me in
the evenings to get it. I JUST needed a couple of hours to wind down.
It didn't work. The kids pushed back HARD. They would get really wound up
and loud. They would tattle on each other, poke each other, pester each
other. I was so sick of "MMMMOOOOOMMMM!!!!".
So I gave in and decided to ride the wave. They stay up as late as they
want as long as I am awake. I do put the little kids down when I go to bed
because I have daredevils. I also made sure that we spent lots and lots of
time outside, swimming, riding bikes, during the day. In the evening, I
would watch tv with the kids or bake. If I wanted to read, I would sit at
the kitchen table so everyone knew where I was. I made sure to be willing
to put the book down to hold a child, get a blankie, whatever.
It only took about 4 days for things to calm down into a rhythm.
Julie S.
> kids were younger, what did you do to have time to yourself?>>>Hi Andrea,
I hear you completely. We have 5 kids (13, 11, 7, 5 and 4). I also was so
desperate to have time to myself that I was pushing my kids away from me in
the evenings to get it. I JUST needed a couple of hours to wind down.
It didn't work. The kids pushed back HARD. They would get really wound up
and loud. They would tattle on each other, poke each other, pester each
other. I was so sick of "MMMMOOOOOMMMM!!!!".
So I gave in and decided to ride the wave. They stay up as late as they
want as long as I am awake. I do put the little kids down when I go to bed
because I have daredevils. I also made sure that we spent lots and lots of
time outside, swimming, riding bikes, during the day. In the evening, I
would watch tv with the kids or bake. If I wanted to read, I would sit at
the kitchen table so everyone knew where I was. I made sure to be willing
to put the book down to hold a child, get a blankie, whatever.
It only took about 4 days for things to calm down into a rhythm.
Julie S.
----- Original Message -----
From: "Andrea Burlingame" <aburlingame@...>
To: <[email protected]>
Sent: Thursday, July 22, 2004 8:13 PM
Subject: [UnschoolingDiscussion] More on Bedtime was: Bedtime
> ==Why
> > should anyone sleep when someone else thinks that they are tired?
> > What is the point?
> >
> > Pat==
>
>
> I've been watching this discussion carefully, because while part of me
> would like to, I haven't fully embraced "no bedtime" for the little ones
in
> my house. My children are 10, 4.5, 3 and 1. My answer to the above
> question would be: Well, for me, the point would be that *I* really need
> some downtime in the evening, in order to feel sane and be able to enjoy
> being their mommy the next day. I feel quite strongly about this and just
> want it sooooo badly. I can can actually feel my chest tightening just
> thinking about how much this has been frustrating me.
>
> Lately, bedtime has become a major hassle like never before, in part I
> believe, because the 3 yr old, instead of being in her crib now shares a
> full-size bed with the 4.5 yr old and they bug each other incessantly. I
> would like to get two twins, but am not in a financial position to do that
> at the moment. Anyway, for the past couple of months, I've tinkered with
> letting them play quietly in their room if they still want to be up past
> 10:00, and they either play too loudly and wake the baby, or (more often)
> they fight and wake the baby, or one calls me to tell on the other,
> "Maaaaaaaaahhhhhhmeeeeeeee!" loudly and wakes the baby. I can usually
last
> awhile, just kindly reminding them that Evan is sleeping in the next room
> and he's tired, etc... and hugging them and asking them to please play
> quietly or go to sleep, but by 11:30, sometimes sooner, sometimes later,
I'm
> furious and yelling (under my breath) and talking to them through gritted
> teeth and just completely exhasperated. I've tried so many ways to give
> them more freedom without completely giving up any opportunity to have a
> single braincell to myself, and nothing seems to work consistently. In
> fact, everything seems worse than when I just insisted they go to bed in
the
> first place.
>
> I do truly need some time to myself, especially since my husband works in
> Portland, three hours from here and is only here on weekends. With kids
> this young, how can I eliminate bedtime and still enjoy the solace the
> evening brings me? Has anyone had this problem?
>
> Also, what if one child is tired and the other is not? Sometimes the 4
year
> old just wants to go to sleep, but the 3 year old just HAS to bug her. We
> don't have another quiet room for her to sleep in. The 10 year old, who
> regulates her own sleep quite well is in one of the three bedrooms, and
the
> baby is with me in the other. If she came out here into the living room
and
> actually went to sleep, that would be one thing, but when I've tried
having
> her do that, she starts playing or talking to me about anything and
> everything (remember this is time I really, really want to myself to
read,
> watch an adult-themed movie, knit quietly and think...whatever!). It just
> doesn't work. Those of you who have actually gone to no bedtime when your
> kids were younger, what did you do to have time to yourself?
>
> ~Andrea
>
>
>
>
> "List Posting Policies" are provided in the files area of this group.
>
> Visit the Unschooling website and message boards:
http://www.unschooling.com
> Yahoo! Groups Links
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
[email protected]
In a message dated 7/23/04 4:18:32 AM, dezigna@... writes:
<< <<<Those of you who have actually gone to no bedtime when your
kids were younger, what did you do to have time to yourself?>>> >>
We were in a babysitting co-op that was an extension of a playgroup, and
sometimes our kids were visiting another family.
But on days when the kids were home and we were home, if by "time to
yourself" you mean sex, I would wake my husband up in the middle of the night.
Usually kids were awake when he wanted to go to sleep, and a baby was awake when we
woke up.
Even without that, arousal of the mother can signal something that wakes a
nursing baby up. Milk lets down, or a the scent of a hormone broadcasts itself
or SOMETHING.
Distance might help that, but we had a small house when we had babies.
Sandra
<< <<<Those of you who have actually gone to no bedtime when your
kids were younger, what did you do to have time to yourself?>>> >>
We were in a babysitting co-op that was an extension of a playgroup, and
sometimes our kids were visiting another family.
But on days when the kids were home and we were home, if by "time to
yourself" you mean sex, I would wake my husband up in the middle of the night.
Usually kids were awake when he wanted to go to sleep, and a baby was awake when we
woke up.
Even without that, arousal of the mother can signal something that wakes a
nursing baby up. Milk lets down, or a the scent of a hormone broadcasts itself
or SOMETHING.
Distance might help that, but we had a small house when we had babies.
Sandra
Andrea Burlingame
----- Original Message -----
From: <SandraDodd@...>
To: <[email protected]>
Sent: Friday, July 23, 2004 7:47 AM
Subject: Re: [UnschoolingDiscussion] More on Bedtime was: Bedtime
>
> In a message dated 7/23/04 4:18:32 AM, dezigna@... writes:
>
> << <<<Those of you who have actually gone to no bedtime when your
> kids were younger, what did you do to have time to yourself?>>> >>
>
> We were in a babysitting co-op that was an extension of a playgroup, and
> sometimes our kids were visiting another family.
>
>" But on days when the kids were home and we were home, if by "time to
> yourself" you mean sex,"
sex? What's that? LOL That's not what I meant, actually, but with the
baby sleeping with me and still nursing and dh not here 5 nights out of the
week, that doesn't
happen too often either! I've never felt so asexual in my life. I
think I really need some time to take better care of myself to even remotely
amorous. Right now I feel like blob with breasts. I don't get much real,
heart-rate
increasing excercise, because I have nobody to leave the kids with (can't
afford to hire someone and am new in this town and, so far, have had no luck
finding people to hang out with, trade child care with, etc...) I was
getting on a stationary bike that is basically, my bike hooked up to a stand
that turns it into a stationary excercise bike, but the stand broke when I
was climbing on! LOL...I really do need to lose some weight! Anyway, I
hated that thing. I much prefer long walks and swimming. I also eat too
much, especially in the evening. It's weird--I know better, but it's sort
of a release at the end of the day. I've been more in control lately,
though. Anyway, the point is, that without being able to care for myself
both mentally and physically, sex is the last thing on my mind!
~Andrea
Dana Matt
> I don't get much real,Can you put the kids in a stroller and take a walk?
> heart-rate
> increasing excercise, because I have nobody to leave
> the kids with (can't
> afford to hire someone and am new in this town and,
> so far, have had no luck
> finding people to hang out with, trade child care
> with, etc...) I was
> getting on a stationary bike that is basically, my
> bike hooked up to a stand
> that turns it into a stationary excercise bike, but
> the stand broke when I
> was climbing on! LOL...I really do need to lose some
> weight! Anyway, I
> hated that thing. I much prefer long walks and
> swimming.
Last night after dinner we all went for a walk at the
Yellowstone River, despite the mosquitos, and got some
exercise, practiced our botany skills, watched the
wildlife, played adventurers...
Dana
in Montana
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Mary
From: "Andrea Burlingame" <aburlingame@...>
<<Anyway, the point is, that without being able to care for myself
both mentally and physically, sex is the last thing on my mind!>>
I too need to have some down time for myself. For me it's best that it's
late at night when everyone else is asleep or at least tucked away. I don't
do well with mornings at all. Most nights my husband is in bed right after
the kids go to their respective corners. I wake him later for some loving
and after over 14 years, I've never had any complaints. <BG> But you said
that's not your problem.
Our house is on the larger size and that makes it convenient for everyone to
find a place to go. There is still switching around with who is sleeping
where though. My two younger girls share a room and hardly ever actually
sleep in their beds. We are actually considering getting rid of them! The
girls are on the floor all the time. Sleeping in different spots and on
sleeping bags, bean bag chairs and making various tents out of sheets and
tables. I've had kids sleep in the playroom and my son will also sleep with
the girls and vice versa. Wherever they are happy is fine with me. There has
even been talk about them sleeping with our oldest in her room. She's up for
it but they can't seem to get her home early enough on the nights she
doesn't have to wake up early the next day. They aren't morning people
either.
So the point is I need my down time too and the kids still get to stay up
late. They understand respect of others in the house. Dad is in bed usually
by 11:30 and when our oldest has to open for work the next day, she's in bed
by that time too. Or at least in her room for the night. The youngest are 9,
8 and 3. So as long as they are in their room or someone else's and
relatively quiet, they stay up and I still have my time. Of course I don't
have the fighting with them or have to tend to them often. Maybe try and
start helping them come up with solutions of their own to solve problems
that arise instead of you always going in to fix things. Or the one that
sleeps well can stay with the older one that sleeps earlier. Half the time
around here I never know where the kids will end up sleeping. But there are
other choices aside from them sleeping early and not liking it to staying up
late and stressing you out.
Mary B
<<Anyway, the point is, that without being able to care for myself
both mentally and physically, sex is the last thing on my mind!>>
I too need to have some down time for myself. For me it's best that it's
late at night when everyone else is asleep or at least tucked away. I don't
do well with mornings at all. Most nights my husband is in bed right after
the kids go to their respective corners. I wake him later for some loving
and after over 14 years, I've never had any complaints. <BG> But you said
that's not your problem.
Our house is on the larger size and that makes it convenient for everyone to
find a place to go. There is still switching around with who is sleeping
where though. My two younger girls share a room and hardly ever actually
sleep in their beds. We are actually considering getting rid of them! The
girls are on the floor all the time. Sleeping in different spots and on
sleeping bags, bean bag chairs and making various tents out of sheets and
tables. I've had kids sleep in the playroom and my son will also sleep with
the girls and vice versa. Wherever they are happy is fine with me. There has
even been talk about them sleeping with our oldest in her room. She's up for
it but they can't seem to get her home early enough on the nights she
doesn't have to wake up early the next day. They aren't morning people
either.
So the point is I need my down time too and the kids still get to stay up
late. They understand respect of others in the house. Dad is in bed usually
by 11:30 and when our oldest has to open for work the next day, she's in bed
by that time too. Or at least in her room for the night. The youngest are 9,
8 and 3. So as long as they are in their room or someone else's and
relatively quiet, they stay up and I still have my time. Of course I don't
have the fighting with them or have to tend to them often. Maybe try and
start helping them come up with solutions of their own to solve problems
that arise instead of you always going in to fix things. Or the one that
sleeps well can stay with the older one that sleeps earlier. Half the time
around here I never know where the kids will end up sleeping. But there are
other choices aside from them sleeping early and not liking it to staying up
late and stressing you out.
Mary B
Mary
From: "Dana Matt" <hoffmanwilson@...>
<<Can you put the kids in a stroller and take a walk?
Last night after dinner we all went for a walk at the
Yellowstone River, despite the mosquitos, and got some
exercise, practiced our botany skills, watched the
wildlife, played adventurers...>>
Yes I wanted to comment on this also. Grab all the kids and take a walk
around the neighborhood or go to a local park to walk. Le tthe kids grab
bikes or scooters and strollers. When it gets a little cooler here, we all
do that in the evening. We grab the dogs and the kids grab their scooters
and off we go. Let them push, pedal, pull or roll on whatever they like.
Mary B
<<Can you put the kids in a stroller and take a walk?
Last night after dinner we all went for a walk at the
Yellowstone River, despite the mosquitos, and got some
exercise, practiced our botany skills, watched the
wildlife, played adventurers...>>
Yes I wanted to comment on this also. Grab all the kids and take a walk
around the neighborhood or go to a local park to walk. Le tthe kids grab
bikes or scooters and strollers. When it gets a little cooler here, we all
do that in the evening. We grab the dogs and the kids grab their scooters
and off we go. Let them push, pedal, pull or roll on whatever they like.
Mary B
Andrea Burlingame
==Can you put the kids in a stroller and take a walk? ==
Well, I do, sort of. I put the baby on my back, the 3 year old in the
stroller (my double stroller was stolen off my porch --grrrr--and we haven't
replaced it.) and the 4 year old walks. It's really nice and we do it all
the time, but it doesn't really raise my heart rate...nor does it give me
that so longed for time alone!
Still, I think that if I weren't actively walking and playing with my
children, I'd be much more out of shape and stressed. We go on lots of
hikes (despite the mosquitos! lol), and play on the beach (which is only a
10-15 minute walk away). For sure this time outside is good for us all and
a sanity saver for me!
Andrea
in Ocean Park, Washington
Well, I do, sort of. I put the baby on my back, the 3 year old in the
stroller (my double stroller was stolen off my porch --grrrr--and we haven't
replaced it.) and the 4 year old walks. It's really nice and we do it all
the time, but it doesn't really raise my heart rate...nor does it give me
that so longed for time alone!
Still, I think that if I weren't actively walking and playing with my
children, I'd be much more out of shape and stressed. We go on lots of
hikes (despite the mosquitos! lol), and play on the beach (which is only a
10-15 minute walk away). For sure this time outside is good for us all and
a sanity saver for me!
Andrea
in Ocean Park, Washington
Faith Pickell
I'm so jealous that you are that close to the ocean! My sanity would
definitely be saved if I could breath the ocean air everyday.
Faith in Missouri
definitely be saved if I could breath the ocean air everyday.
Faith in Missouri
On Friday, July 23, 2004, at 11:41 AM, Andrea Burlingame wrote:
> ==Can you put the kids in a stroller and take a walk? ==
>
> Well, I do, sort of. I put the baby on my back, the 3 year old in the
> stroller (my double stroller was stolen off my porch --grrrr--and we
> haven't
> replaced it.) and the 4 year old walks. It's really nice and we do it
> all
> the time, but it doesn't really raise my heart rate...nor does it give
> me
> that so longed for time alone!
>
> Still, I think that if I weren't actively walking and playing with my
> children, I'd be much more out of shape and stressed. We go on lots of
> hikes (despite the mosquitos! lol), and play on the beach (which is
> only a
> 10-15 minute walk away). For sure this time outside is good for us
> all and
> a sanity saver for me!
>
> Andrea
> in Ocean Park, Washington
>
>
>
>
> "List Posting Policies" are provided in the files area of this group.
>
> Visit the Unschooling website and message boards:
> http://www.unschooling.com
> Yahoo! Groups Links
>
>
>
>
>
Have a Nice Day!
I just wanted to add that I just got a set of resistance bands from Bell. They are easily stored, packed, traveled with etc. And they really do give quite a workout.
It doesn't take long to do the exercises. The site I use is: http://www.changingshape.com/exercise/
Its excellent and even gives demonstrations of the exercises. It also has substitutions with other exercises that use machines (if you can get to a gym) or free weights.
The other thing I got was a stability ball (I guess thats what its called). I have found that abdominal exercises are MUCH easier to do and much more effective on one of them.
I got the whole thing for about $23.00.
I also swim, but I can't always get there.
Kristen
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
It doesn't take long to do the exercises. The site I use is: http://www.changingshape.com/exercise/
Its excellent and even gives demonstrations of the exercises. It also has substitutions with other exercises that use machines (if you can get to a gym) or free weights.
The other thing I got was a stability ball (I guess thats what its called). I have found that abdominal exercises are MUCH easier to do and much more effective on one of them.
I got the whole thing for about $23.00.
I also swim, but I can't always get there.
Kristen
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Angela
Oh, Oh, I am glad I saw this the second time around. I missed it the first
time. I was in your shoes, not too long ago. I finally found a solution
that works well for me. Maybe it'll work for you too. (before this I wasn't
into aerobics at all and I don't consider myself very coordinated) I
discovered Leslie Sansone Walk Aerobic tapes. They are very basic using
just four or five steps for the most part. There are side steps, kicks,
marching in place, kick backs, and knee lifts. They are all low impact but
still get me sweating. Leslie is sweet but not sugary fake. (get ready, I
am going to sound like an infomercial now.)
Over the last 14 or so months, I've lost 30 lbs and increased my muscle mass
substantially. I no longer have an aching back and I look forward to
exercising every day. I've not really dieted at all but I am trying to make
better choices more often and I try to eat fruits, whole grains, and
veggies every day. I still eat a moderate amount of sweets, so I don't feel
like I am depriving myself. My kids quickly got used to the fact that I
exercise every morning. They know that it is my *me* time. I make sure
they have something to eat and maybe a TV show to watch. Sometimes they
bring their barbies down and barbie exercises with me. :0)
The tapes are only around $9 each at Walmart. Often cheaper on ebay or
half.com. If you hate them, you can always re-sell them on half.com. I am
really enthusiastic about them because I had tried for years to find a way
to keep in shape with small kids and a dh that travels. It wasn't my lack
of willingness that kept me out of shape. I just hadn't found an activity
that kept my interest that didn't kill me. I tried the stationary bike, the
treadmill, walking or running outside etc. They either bored me or I
couldn't do them consistently because of the weather or the fact that dh
travels a lot. I had done other aerobic tapes in the past, but you had to
be in great shape to begin with to even consider doing them. Leslie works
for beginners as well as fit people because you can easily tailor it to your
fitness level.
(whew! all that enthusiasm is tiring! LOL!)
Angela
game-enthusiast@...
time. I was in your shoes, not too long ago. I finally found a solution
that works well for me. Maybe it'll work for you too. (before this I wasn't
into aerobics at all and I don't consider myself very coordinated) I
discovered Leslie Sansone Walk Aerobic tapes. They are very basic using
just four or five steps for the most part. There are side steps, kicks,
marching in place, kick backs, and knee lifts. They are all low impact but
still get me sweating. Leslie is sweet but not sugary fake. (get ready, I
am going to sound like an infomercial now.)
Over the last 14 or so months, I've lost 30 lbs and increased my muscle mass
substantially. I no longer have an aching back and I look forward to
exercising every day. I've not really dieted at all but I am trying to make
better choices more often and I try to eat fruits, whole grains, and
veggies every day. I still eat a moderate amount of sweets, so I don't feel
like I am depriving myself. My kids quickly got used to the fact that I
exercise every morning. They know that it is my *me* time. I make sure
they have something to eat and maybe a TV show to watch. Sometimes they
bring their barbies down and barbie exercises with me. :0)
The tapes are only around $9 each at Walmart. Often cheaper on ebay or
half.com. If you hate them, you can always re-sell them on half.com. I am
really enthusiastic about them because I had tried for years to find a way
to keep in shape with small kids and a dh that travels. It wasn't my lack
of willingness that kept me out of shape. I just hadn't found an activity
that kept my interest that didn't kill me. I tried the stationary bike, the
treadmill, walking or running outside etc. They either bored me or I
couldn't do them consistently because of the weather or the fact that dh
travels a lot. I had done other aerobic tapes in the past, but you had to
be in great shape to begin with to even consider doing them. Leslie works
for beginners as well as fit people because you can easily tailor it to your
fitness level.
(whew! all that enthusiasm is tiring! LOL!)
Angela
game-enthusiast@...
> I don't get much real,[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> heart-rate
> increasing excercise, because I have nobody to leave
> the kids with (can't
> afford to hire someone and am new in this town and,
> so far, have had no luck
> finding people to hang out with, trade child care
> with, etc...)
queenjane555
--- In [email protected], "Angela" <game-
enthusiast@a...> wrote:
for someone who cant, or doesnt want to, get out to walk. Although i
now try to actually get up really early and go for a 2 mile walk
outside. Its more of a workout. But i would definantly recommend this
tape for someone who is either a beginner, or looking for a lighter
workout. I think i would get really bored doing it for too long, or
if i was really in shape to begin with it wouldnt be enough of a
challenge. Leslie Sansone has a Pilates video out (saw it on TV),
that i might get, based upon her non-overly-sweet personality (some
tv aerobics people drive me nuts.)
Katherine
enthusiast@a...> wrote:
>I finally found a solution that works well for me. Maybe it'll workI have this tape too, and have done the "2 mile walk", its a good one
>for you too. (before this I wasn't into aerobics at all and I don't
>consider myself very coordinated) I discovered Leslie Sansone Walk
>Aerobic tapes
for someone who cant, or doesnt want to, get out to walk. Although i
now try to actually get up really early and go for a 2 mile walk
outside. Its more of a workout. But i would definantly recommend this
tape for someone who is either a beginner, or looking for a lighter
workout. I think i would get really bored doing it for too long, or
if i was really in shape to begin with it wouldnt be enough of a
challenge. Leslie Sansone has a Pilates video out (saw it on TV),
that i might get, based upon her non-overly-sweet personality (some
tv aerobics people drive me nuts.)
Katherine
Angela
Leslie has lots of different videos and you can easily change the intensity
of the workout based on your fitness level. (you can get down and really
work it, or you can stay up high and take it easy like Leslie does in many
of her videos.) Some of her tapes are faster paced than others. I have
tried many of them so if anyone wants an opinion on which to try based on
their fitness level, I'd be happy to try to help off list. I personally
find her workouts more of a workout than a two mile brisk walk outside. The
thing that makes the difference for me is that when you use your arms it
really ups the intensity. I also hold weights in several of them.
YMMV,
Angela
<mailto:game-enthusiast@...> game-enthusiast@...
I have this tape too, and have done the "2 mile walk", its a good one
for someone who cant, or doesnt want to, get out to walk. Although i
now try to actually get up really early and go for a 2 mile walk
outside. Its more of a workout.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
of the workout based on your fitness level. (you can get down and really
work it, or you can stay up high and take it easy like Leslie does in many
of her videos.) Some of her tapes are faster paced than others. I have
tried many of them so if anyone wants an opinion on which to try based on
their fitness level, I'd be happy to try to help off list. I personally
find her workouts more of a workout than a two mile brisk walk outside. The
thing that makes the difference for me is that when you use your arms it
really ups the intensity. I also hold weights in several of them.
YMMV,
Angela
<mailto:game-enthusiast@...> game-enthusiast@...
I have this tape too, and have done the "2 mile walk", its a good one
for someone who cant, or doesnt want to, get out to walk. Although i
now try to actually get up really early and go for a 2 mile walk
outside. Its more of a workout.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
mk85s
There's a great website on this subject:
http://www.videofitness.com/ It's loaded with reviews of videos and
dvds for all fitness levels (written by regular, at-home exercisers
not fitness professionals) and has a very active message board.
Maria
--- In [email protected], "Angela" <game-
enthusiast@a...> wrote:
http://www.videofitness.com/ It's loaded with reviews of videos and
dvds for all fitness levels (written by regular, at-home exercisers
not fitness professionals) and has a very active message board.
Maria
--- In [email protected], "Angela" <game-
enthusiast@a...> wrote:
> Leslie has lots of different videos and you can easily change theintensity
> of the workout based on your fitness level. (you can get down andreally
> work it, or you can stay up high and take it easy like Leslie doesin many
> of her videos.) Some of her tapes are faster paced than others.I have
> tried many of them so if anyone wants an opinion on which to trybased on
> their fitness level, I'd be happy to try to help off list. Ipersonally
> find her workouts more of a workout than a two mile brisk walkoutside. The
> thing that makes the difference for me is that when you use yourarms it
> really ups the intensity. I also hold weights in several ofthem.
>one
> YMMV,
> Angela
> <mailto:game-enthusiast@a...> game-enthusiast@a...
>
> I have this tape too, and have done the "2 mile walk", its a good
> for someone who cant, or doesnt want to, get out to walk. Althoughi
> now try to actually get up really early and go for a 2 mile walk
> outside. Its more of a workout.
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Andrea Burlingame
Faith in Missouri said:
==I'm so jealous that you are that close to the ocean! My sanity would definitely be saved if I could breath the ocean air everyday.==
It does help! In fact, right after I wrote that this morning, we packed up and headed to the beach. It was such a hot day and I was so thankful to be able to play in the water and feel the offshore breezes kick in. The kids occupy themselves for hours out there, building in the sand and playing in the tidepools and surf. I do notice that they sleep better if we get out to the beach or for a hike or some outdoor activity every day. Sometimes, when I'm tired, or am trying to catch up on housework, we'll stay home all day, and those days are the ones that are the hardest and that lead to the most problematic nights (fighting and such...)
Yep, being near the beach is nice, though I don't know how long we will stay here. Were supposed to stay through July, but it looks like there's a chance we'll stay through the winter, too. I hope we do. I like storm watching!
~Andrea (with the sand behind my ears)
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
==I'm so jealous that you are that close to the ocean! My sanity would definitely be saved if I could breath the ocean air everyday.==
It does help! In fact, right after I wrote that this morning, we packed up and headed to the beach. It was such a hot day and I was so thankful to be able to play in the water and feel the offshore breezes kick in. The kids occupy themselves for hours out there, building in the sand and playing in the tidepools and surf. I do notice that they sleep better if we get out to the beach or for a hike or some outdoor activity every day. Sometimes, when I'm tired, or am trying to catch up on housework, we'll stay home all day, and those days are the ones that are the hardest and that lead to the most problematic nights (fighting and such...)
Yep, being near the beach is nice, though I don't know how long we will stay here. Were supposed to stay through July, but it looks like there's a chance we'll stay through the winter, too. I hope we do. I like storm watching!
~Andrea (with the sand behind my ears)
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Andrea Burlingame
----- Original Message -----
From: "J. Stauffer" <jnjstau@...>
To: <[email protected]>
Sent: Friday, July 23, 2004 6:41 AM
Subject: Re: [UnschoolingDiscussion] More on Bedtime was: Bedtime
> <<<< Those of you who have actually gone to no bedtime when your
> > kids were younger, what did you do to have time to yourself?>>>
>
> Hi Andrea,
>
> I hear you completely. We have 5 kids (13, 11, 7, 5 and 4). I also was
so
> desperate to have time to myself that I was pushing my kids away from me
in
> the evenings to get it. I JUST needed a couple of hours to wind down.
>
> It didn't work. The kids pushed back HARD. They would get really wound
up
> and loud. They would tattle on each other, poke each other, pester each
> other. I was so sick of "MMMMOOOOOMMMM!!!!".
>
> So I gave in and decided to ride the wave. They stay up as late as they
> want as long as I am awake. I do put the little kids down when I go to
bed
> because I have daredevils. I also made sure that we spent lots and lots
of
> time outside, swimming, riding bikes, during the day. In the evening, I
> would watch tv with the kids or bake. If I wanted to read, I would sit at
> the kitchen table so everyone knew where I was. I made sure to be willing
> to put the book down to hold a child, get a blankie, whatever.
>
> It only took about 4 days for things to calm down into a rhythm.
>
> Julie S.
>
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: "Andrea Burlingame" <aburlingame@...>
> To: <[email protected]>
> Sent: Thursday, July 22, 2004 8:13 PM
> Subject: [UnschoolingDiscussion] More on Bedtime was: Bedtime
>
>
> > ==Why
> > > should anyone sleep when someone else thinks that they are tired?
> > > What is the point?
> > >
> > > Pat==
> >
> >
> > I've been watching this discussion carefully, because while part of me
> > would like to, I haven't fully embraced "no bedtime" for the little ones
> in
> > my house. My children are 10, 4.5, 3 and 1. My answer to the above
> > question would be: Well, for me, the point would be that *I* really
need
> > some downtime in the evening, in order to feel sane and be able to enjoy
> > being their mommy the next day. I feel quite strongly about this and
just
> > want it sooooo badly. I can can actually feel my chest tightening just
> > thinking about how much this has been frustrating me.
> >
> > Lately, bedtime has become a major hassle like never before, in part I
> > believe, because the 3 yr old, instead of being in her crib now shares a
> > full-size bed with the 4.5 yr old and they bug each other incessantly.
I
> > would like to get two twins, but am not in a financial position to do
that
> > at the moment. Anyway, for the past couple of months, I've tinkered
with
> > letting them play quietly in their room if they still want to be up past
> > 10:00, and they either play too loudly and wake the baby, or (more
often)
> > they fight and wake the baby, or one calls me to tell on the other,
> > "Maaaaaaaaahhhhhhmeeeeeeee!" loudly and wakes the baby. I can usually
> last
> > awhile, just kindly reminding them that Evan is sleeping in the next
room
> > and he's tired, etc... and hugging them and asking them to please play
> > quietly or go to sleep, but by 11:30, sometimes sooner, sometimes later,
> I'm
> > furious and yelling (under my breath) and talking to them through
gritted
> > teeth and just completely exhasperated. I've tried so many ways to give
> > them more freedom without completely giving up any opportunity to have a
> > single braincell to myself, and nothing seems to work consistently. In
> > fact, everything seems worse than when I just insisted they go to bed in
> the
> > first place.
> >
> > I do truly need some time to myself, especially since my husband works
in
> > Portland, three hours from here and is only here on weekends. With kids
> > this young, how can I eliminate bedtime and still enjoy the solace the
> > evening brings me? Has anyone had this problem?
> >
> > Also, what if one child is tired and the other is not? Sometimes the 4
> year
> > old just wants to go to sleep, but the 3 year old just HAS to bug her.
We
> > don't have another quiet room for her to sleep in. The 10 year old, who
> > regulates her own sleep quite well is in one of the three bedrooms, and
> the
> > baby is with me in the other. If she came out here into the living room
> and
> > actually went to sleep, that would be one thing, but when I've tried
> having
> > her do that, she starts playing or talking to me about anything and
> > everything (remember this is time I really, really want to myself to
> read,
> > watch an adult-themed movie, knit quietly and think...whatever!). It
just
> > doesn't work. Those of you who have actually gone to no bedtime when
your
> > kids were younger, what did you do to have time to yourself?
> >
> > ~Andrea
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > "List Posting Policies" are provided in the files area of this group.
> >
> > Visit the Unschooling website and message boards:
> http://www.unschooling.com
> > Yahoo! Groups Links
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
>
>
>
>
>
> "List Posting Policies" are provided in the files area of this group.
>
> Visit the Unschooling website and message boards:
http://www.unschooling.com
> Yahoo! Groups Links
>
>
>
>
>
>
Andrea Burlingame
Sorry for the empty reply I just sent!
Julie, it's good to hear that it's working for you to just let go and let
them schedule themselves. I wish I could just turn the corner on all of
this, you know? Not just the no bedtime idea, all of it. I'm still
struggling with letting them choose to eat candy whenever they want. (Mainly
because my 4 yo daughter wants it almost all of her waking hours and to the
exclusion of most other food, no matter what I offer!) The idea of letting
my children make their own choices about food and sleep and all makes sense
to me when I read your posts, but I think I'm still afraid of the
possibility of complete chaos, unhealthy kids and never having a minutes
peace again! And I have to admit that I'm having a hard time not
controlling some things. My kids do push back hard, too. I want to just
quit fighting them. I think part of my fear stems from not feeling like
*I* have it together enough to let go of my controls over them....ugh...I
can't explain. My head is foggy and tired. I'll try again in the morning
But thank you for telling me about your experience, and thank you to others
for your input as well. I'm processing it.
~Andrea
Julie, it's good to hear that it's working for you to just let go and let
them schedule themselves. I wish I could just turn the corner on all of
this, you know? Not just the no bedtime idea, all of it. I'm still
struggling with letting them choose to eat candy whenever they want. (Mainly
because my 4 yo daughter wants it almost all of her waking hours and to the
exclusion of most other food, no matter what I offer!) The idea of letting
my children make their own choices about food and sleep and all makes sense
to me when I read your posts, but I think I'm still afraid of the
possibility of complete chaos, unhealthy kids and never having a minutes
peace again! And I have to admit that I'm having a hard time not
controlling some things. My kids do push back hard, too. I want to just
quit fighting them. I think part of my fear stems from not feeling like
*I* have it together enough to let go of my controls over them....ugh...I
can't explain. My head is foggy and tired. I'll try again in the morning
But thank you for telling me about your experience, and thank you to others
for your input as well. I'm processing it.
~Andrea
----- Original Message -----
From: "J. Stauffer" <jnjstau@...>
To: <[email protected]>
Sent: Friday, July 23, 2004 6:41 AM
Subject: Re: [UnschoolingDiscussion] More on Bedtime was: Bedtime
> <<<< Those of you who have actually gone to no bedtime when your
> > kids were younger, what did you do to have time to yourself?>>>
>
> Hi Andrea,
>
> I hear you completely. We have 5 kids (13, 11, 7, 5 and 4). I also was
so
> desperate to have time to myself that I was pushing my kids away from me
in
> the evenings to get it. I JUST needed a couple of hours to wind down.
>
> It didn't work. The kids pushed back HARD. They would get really wound
up
> and loud. They would tattle on each other, poke each other, pester each
> other. I was so sick of "MMMMOOOOOMMMM!!!!".
>
> So I gave in and decided to ride the wave. They stay up as late as they
> want as long as I am awake. I do put the little kids down when I go to
bed
> because I have daredevils. I also made sure that we spent lots and lots
of
> time outside, swimming, riding bikes, during the day. In the evening, I
> would watch tv with the kids or bake. If I wanted to read, I would sit at
> the kitchen table so everyone knew where I was. I made sure to be willing
> to put the book down to hold a child, get a blankie, whatever.
>
> It only took about 4 days for things to calm down into a rhythm.
>
> Julie S.
>
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: "Andrea Burlingame" <aburlingame@...>
> To: <[email protected]>
> Sent: Thursday, July 22, 2004 8:13 PM
> Subject: [UnschoolingDiscussion] More on Bedtime was: Bedtime
>
>
> > ==Why
> > > should anyone sleep when someone else thinks that they are tired?
> > > What is the point?
> > >
> > > Pat==
> >
> >
> > I've been watching this discussion carefully, because while part of me
> > would like to, I haven't fully embraced "no bedtime" for the little ones
> in
> > my house. My children are 10, 4.5, 3 and 1. My answer to the above
> > question would be: Well, for me, the point would be that *I* really
need
> > some downtime in the evening, in order to feel sane and be able to enjoy
> > being their mommy the next day. I feel quite strongly about this and
just
> > want it sooooo badly. I can can actually feel my chest tightening just
> > thinking about how much this has been frustrating me.
> >
> > Lately, bedtime has become a major hassle like never before, in part I
> > believe, because the 3 yr old, instead of being in her crib now shares a
> > full-size bed with the 4.5 yr old and they bug each other incessantly.
I
> > would like to get two twins, but am not in a financial position to do
that
> > at the moment. Anyway, for the past couple of months, I've tinkered
with
> > letting them play quietly in their room if they still want to be up past
> > 10:00, and they either play too loudly and wake the baby, or (more
often)
> > they fight and wake the baby, or one calls me to tell on the other,
> > "Maaaaaaaaahhhhhhmeeeeeeee!" loudly and wakes the baby. I can usually
> last
> > awhile, just kindly reminding them that Evan is sleeping in the next
room
> > and he's tired, etc... and hugging them and asking them to please play
> > quietly or go to sleep, but by 11:30, sometimes sooner, sometimes later,
> I'm
> > furious and yelling (under my breath) and talking to them through
gritted
> > teeth and just completely exhasperated. I've tried so many ways to give
> > them more freedom without completely giving up any opportunity to have a
> > single braincell to myself, and nothing seems to work consistently. In
> > fact, everything seems worse than when I just insisted they go to bed in
> the
> > first place.
> >
> > I do truly need some time to myself, especially since my husband works
in
> > Portland, three hours from here and is only here on weekends. With kids
> > this young, how can I eliminate bedtime and still enjoy the solace the
> > evening brings me? Has anyone had this problem?
> >
> > Also, what if one child is tired and the other is not? Sometimes the 4
> year
> > old just wants to go to sleep, but the 3 year old just HAS to bug her.
We
> > don't have another quiet room for her to sleep in. The 10 year old, who
> > regulates her own sleep quite well is in one of the three bedrooms, and
> the
> > baby is with me in the other. If she came out here into the living room
> and
> > actually went to sleep, that would be one thing, but when I've tried
> having
> > her do that, she starts playing or talking to me about anything and
> > everything (remember this is time I really, really want to myself to
> read,
> > watch an adult-themed movie, knit quietly and think...whatever!). It
just
> > doesn't work. Those of you who have actually gone to no bedtime when
your
> > kids were younger, what did you do to have time to yourself?
> >
> > ~Andrea
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > "List Posting Policies" are provided in the files area of this group.
> >
> > Visit the Unschooling website and message boards:
> http://www.unschooling.com
> > Yahoo! Groups Links
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
>
>
>
>
>
> "List Posting Policies" are provided in the files area of this group.
>
> Visit the Unschooling website and message boards:
http://www.unschooling.com
> Yahoo! Groups Links
>
>
>
>
>
>
J. Stauffer
<<<<<makes sense
once. Work just to say "yes" more. Slow down. Each time your kids ask if
they can do something, think carefully about it, take your time and really
think. Is there a valid real, true reason to say "no"? Or is the tendency
to say "no" based on some fear of something possibly happening in the
future.
My kids DON'T get all the candy they want. There are 2 really real reasons
for that. Number 1 is that we are a family of 7 with expensive hobbies (the
kids compete in gymnastics, stock shows and shooting events) living on one
income. Food money is limited so we need to buy for the nutritional punch.
(That said we just had cake and punch yesterday because the kids were sad at
missing a wedding reception).
Number 2 is that my 11yo son's teeth were actually rotting out of his head.
The dentist said that if he continued on his present diet he would be in
dentures by the age of 20. It is apparently a genetic problem through his
birth mom.
These are real, true reasons....not some possibility that might somehow
occur....not something that will make me pass some unschooling standard or
mothering standard. Just real life issues.
Julie S.
> to me when I read your posts, but I think I'm still afraid of theI understand!!!! May I suggest not "letting go of all controls" all at
> possibility of complete chaos, unhealthy kids and never having a minutes
> peace again! >>>>>
once. Work just to say "yes" more. Slow down. Each time your kids ask if
they can do something, think carefully about it, take your time and really
think. Is there a valid real, true reason to say "no"? Or is the tendency
to say "no" based on some fear of something possibly happening in the
future.
My kids DON'T get all the candy they want. There are 2 really real reasons
for that. Number 1 is that we are a family of 7 with expensive hobbies (the
kids compete in gymnastics, stock shows and shooting events) living on one
income. Food money is limited so we need to buy for the nutritional punch.
(That said we just had cake and punch yesterday because the kids were sad at
missing a wedding reception).
Number 2 is that my 11yo son's teeth were actually rotting out of his head.
The dentist said that if he continued on his present diet he would be in
dentures by the age of 20. It is apparently a genetic problem through his
birth mom.
These are real, true reasons....not some possibility that might somehow
occur....not something that will make me pass some unschooling standard or
mothering standard. Just real life issues.
Julie S.
----- Original Message -----
From: "Andrea Burlingame" <aburlingame@...>
To: <[email protected]>
Sent: Saturday, July 24, 2004 12:43 AM
Subject: Re: [UnschoolingDiscussion] More on Bedtime was: Bedtime
> Sorry for the empty reply I just sent!
>
> Julie, it's good to hear that it's working for you to just let go and let
> them schedule themselves. I wish I could just turn the corner on all of
> this, you know? Not just the no bedtime idea, all of it. I'm still
> struggling with letting them choose to eat candy whenever they want.
(Mainly
> because my 4 yo daughter wants it almost all of her waking hours and to
the
> exclusion of most other food, no matter what I offer!) The idea of
letting
> my children make their own choices about food and sleep and all makes
sense
> to me when I read your posts, but I think I'm still afraid of the
> possibility of complete chaos, unhealthy kids and never having a minutes
> peace again! And I have to admit that I'm having a hard time not
> controlling some things. My kids do push back hard, too. I want to just
> quit fighting them. I think part of my fear stems from not feeling like
> *I* have it together enough to let go of my controls over them....ugh...I
> can't explain. My head is foggy and tired. I'll try again in the morning
>
> But thank you for telling me about your experience, and thank you to
others
> for your input as well. I'm processing it.
>
> ~Andrea
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: "J. Stauffer" <jnjstau@...>
> To: <[email protected]>
> Sent: Friday, July 23, 2004 6:41 AM
> Subject: Re: [UnschoolingDiscussion] More on Bedtime was: Bedtime
>
>
> > <<<< Those of you who have actually gone to no bedtime when your
> > > kids were younger, what did you do to have time to yourself?>>>
> >
> > Hi Andrea,
> >
> > I hear you completely. We have 5 kids (13, 11, 7, 5 and 4). I also was
> so
> > desperate to have time to myself that I was pushing my kids away from me
> in
> > the evenings to get it. I JUST needed a couple of hours to wind down.
> >
> > It didn't work. The kids pushed back HARD. They would get really wound
> up
> > and loud. They would tattle on each other, poke each other, pester each
> > other. I was so sick of "MMMMOOOOOMMMM!!!!".
> >
> > So I gave in and decided to ride the wave. They stay up as late as they
> > want as long as I am awake. I do put the little kids down when I go to
> bed
> > because I have daredevils. I also made sure that we spent lots and lots
> of
> > time outside, swimming, riding bikes, during the day. In the evening, I
> > would watch tv with the kids or bake. If I wanted to read, I would sit
at
> > the kitchen table so everyone knew where I was. I made sure to be
willing
> > to put the book down to hold a child, get a blankie, whatever.
> >
> > It only took about 4 days for things to calm down into a rhythm.
> >
> > Julie S.
> >
> > ----- Original Message -----
> > From: "Andrea Burlingame" <aburlingame@...>
> > To: <[email protected]>
> > Sent: Thursday, July 22, 2004 8:13 PM
> > Subject: [UnschoolingDiscussion] More on Bedtime was: Bedtime
> >
> >
> > > ==Why
> > > > should anyone sleep when someone else thinks that they are tired?
> > > > What is the point?
> > > >
> > > > Pat==
> > >
> > >
> > > I've been watching this discussion carefully, because while part of
me
> > > would like to, I haven't fully embraced "no bedtime" for the little
ones
> > in
> > > my house. My children are 10, 4.5, 3 and 1. My answer to the above
> > > question would be: Well, for me, the point would be that *I* really
> need
> > > some downtime in the evening, in order to feel sane and be able to
enjoy
> > > being their mommy the next day. I feel quite strongly about this and
> just
> > > want it sooooo badly. I can can actually feel my chest tightening
just
> > > thinking about how much this has been frustrating me.
> > >
> > > Lately, bedtime has become a major hassle like never before, in part I
> > > believe, because the 3 yr old, instead of being in her crib now shares
a
> > > full-size bed with the 4.5 yr old and they bug each other incessantly.
> I
> > > would like to get two twins, but am not in a financial position to do
> that
> > > at the moment. Anyway, for the past couple of months, I've tinkered
> with
> > > letting them play quietly in their room if they still want to be up
past
> > > 10:00, and they either play too loudly and wake the baby, or (more
> often)
> > > they fight and wake the baby, or one calls me to tell on the other,
> > > "Maaaaaaaaahhhhhhmeeeeeeee!" loudly and wakes the baby. I can usually
> > last
> > > awhile, just kindly reminding them that Evan is sleeping in the next
> room
> > > and he's tired, etc... and hugging them and asking them to please play
> > > quietly or go to sleep, but by 11:30, sometimes sooner, sometimes
later,
> > I'm
> > > furious and yelling (under my breath) and talking to them through
> gritted
> > > teeth and just completely exhasperated. I've tried so many ways to
give
> > > them more freedom without completely giving up any opportunity to have
a
> > > single braincell to myself, and nothing seems to work consistently.
In
> > > fact, everything seems worse than when I just insisted they go to bed
in
> > the
> > > first place.
> > >
> > > I do truly need some time to myself, especially since my husband works
> in
> > > Portland, three hours from here and is only here on weekends. With
kids
> > > this young, how can I eliminate bedtime and still enjoy the solace the
> > > evening brings me? Has anyone had this problem?
> > >
> > > Also, what if one child is tired and the other is not? Sometimes the
4
> > year
> > > old just wants to go to sleep, but the 3 year old just HAS to bug her.
> We
> > > don't have another quiet room for her to sleep in. The 10 year old,
who
> > > regulates her own sleep quite well is in one of the three bedrooms,
and
> > the
> > > baby is with me in the other. If she came out here into the living
room
> > and
> > > actually went to sleep, that would be one thing, but when I've tried
> > having
> > > her do that, she starts playing or talking to me about anything and
> > > everything (remember this is time I really, really want to myself to
> > read,
> > > watch an adult-themed movie, knit quietly and think...whatever!). It
> just
> > > doesn't work. Those of you who have actually gone to no bedtime when
> your
> > > kids were younger, what did you do to have time to yourself?
> > >
> > > ~Andrea
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > "List Posting Policies" are provided in the files area of this group.
> > >
> > > Visit the Unschooling website and message boards:
> > http://www.unschooling.com
> > > Yahoo! Groups Links
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > "List Posting Policies" are provided in the files area of this group.
> >
> > Visit the Unschooling website and message boards:
> http://www.unschooling.com
> > Yahoo! Groups Links
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
>
>
>
>
> "List Posting Policies" are provided in the files area of this group.
>
> Visit the Unschooling website and message boards:
http://www.unschooling.com
> Yahoo! Groups Links
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
Shannon Rizzo
I have always been an athlete and was a competitive rower in college. My
cousin rowed in the '84 Olympics (took a silver) and I learned that our
teams did the same workout. Although I have a Concept II ergometer and some
free weights, some days I do these body circuits instead. The workout
routine both of our teams did requires no equipment except a timer. (We
obviously trained on the water and with weights, this was a winter aerobic
workout)
Here it is, and on days when I don't feel like erging, I remember if it is
good enough for the Olympic team, it is nothing to turn my nose up at:
Pick 5-6 callisthenic exercises. We did situps, pushups, jumpies, back
arches, bench pulls. Currently I do situps, pushups, jumpies, back arches,
triceps dips, anything else I want to work on.
You will do the exercise for 45 seconds, 15 seconds off, six times. Take a
2 minute break and switch to the next exercise. You end up with 30-40
minutes of fairly intense cardio. Truly, at some point in the pushup
sequence I often end up doing pushups against the wall, as it is pretty
rigorous.
A good part about these body circuits is I can do them any any room the kids
are in (mine are all young) and it often leads to play and wrestling and kid
fun.
If you have some spare money to invest, I highly recommend the Concept II.
The only exercise or sport that works more muscles and gives more of a
cardio workout is cross-country skiing. That is a fact, not an opinion.
www.concept2.com. Be warned, you may become addicted and compete in the
indoor rowing championships (http://www.crash-b.org/).
Shannon Rizzo
(of Heather, Isabella, Luke, Jake)
cousin rowed in the '84 Olympics (took a silver) and I learned that our
teams did the same workout. Although I have a Concept II ergometer and some
free weights, some days I do these body circuits instead. The workout
routine both of our teams did requires no equipment except a timer. (We
obviously trained on the water and with weights, this was a winter aerobic
workout)
Here it is, and on days when I don't feel like erging, I remember if it is
good enough for the Olympic team, it is nothing to turn my nose up at:
Pick 5-6 callisthenic exercises. We did situps, pushups, jumpies, back
arches, bench pulls. Currently I do situps, pushups, jumpies, back arches,
triceps dips, anything else I want to work on.
You will do the exercise for 45 seconds, 15 seconds off, six times. Take a
2 minute break and switch to the next exercise. You end up with 30-40
minutes of fairly intense cardio. Truly, at some point in the pushup
sequence I often end up doing pushups against the wall, as it is pretty
rigorous.
A good part about these body circuits is I can do them any any room the kids
are in (mine are all young) and it often leads to play and wrestling and kid
fun.
If you have some spare money to invest, I highly recommend the Concept II.
The only exercise or sport that works more muscles and gives more of a
cardio workout is cross-country skiing. That is a fact, not an opinion.
www.concept2.com. Be warned, you may become addicted and compete in the
indoor rowing championships (http://www.crash-b.org/).
Shannon Rizzo
(of Heather, Isabella, Luke, Jake)
Aimee
<< I want to just
quit fighting them. I think part of my fear stems
from not feeling
like *I* have it together enough to let go of my
controls over them....>>
I know exactly how you feel.
I think it's because part of you does know that you
have influence over them as their Mom, and you're
taking a real responsibility for that, trying to do
what's best.
The problem is, you're changing your mind about what
best *is*, and it takes time and effort to change that
mindset. Won't happen overnite. But you're doin it.
It's really overwhelming at first, acknowledging
all that 'power'. But you're acknowledging it so that
you can really use it to the advantage of your kids.
<<ugh...I
can't explain. My head is foggy and tired. I'll try
again in the morning>>
It's hard work, what you're doing. Give yourself time
to think, and take care of yourself. If you have
young ones, I know that's hard, but try. It helps a
lot.
Peace
~Aimee
quit fighting them. I think part of my fear stems
from not feeling
like *I* have it together enough to let go of my
controls over them....>>
I know exactly how you feel.
I think it's because part of you does know that you
have influence over them as their Mom, and you're
taking a real responsibility for that, trying to do
what's best.
The problem is, you're changing your mind about what
best *is*, and it takes time and effort to change that
mindset. Won't happen overnite. But you're doin it.
It's really overwhelming at first, acknowledging
all that 'power'. But you're acknowledging it so that
you can really use it to the advantage of your kids.
<<ugh...I
can't explain. My head is foggy and tired. I'll try
again in the morning>>
It's hard work, what you're doing. Give yourself time
to think, and take care of yourself. If you have
young ones, I know that's hard, but try. It helps a
lot.
Peace
~Aimee
Sylvia Toyama
I just learned last Thursday that my Mom is moving back to town -- next weekend (the 31st). We've had a pretty close, but somewhat conflicted, relationship over the years. She's pretty much always lived near me, but for a few years and this past year. She's usually pretty good about respecting our differences, tho there was a recent episode where she recommended spanking. I think that was part of her depression and loneliness at being in NC, so I'm pretty sure it won't come up again -- and I was very firm that I won't hit my kids.
So, she's coming back, looking forward to spending time with me again and, I think, in a much better place emotionally. She'll be house-sharing with a woman who's been her closest friend since I was a teenager, so they've both been thru a lot together. I'm happy to have her nearby, in that I do enjoy her company and the boys love her. BUT......
Several times lately, she's offered (totally unsolicited, mind you) ways I can include specific learning into Andy's 'schooling.' I've never bothered to explain the unschooling thing to her because a) she was in NC and b) it's not something I'm going to change, so it's not really open for debate. Okay, that's very much my style since childhood -- I do what I want, let them believe what they want and share my thoughts only on a need to know basis. I also do a fair amount of tongue-biting, because the fight's just not worth it.
Add to that, the inl-aws will be here in just 10 short weeks (early Oct) and I'm probably just days away from developing a nervous tic and dumping all my stress on poor Gary. I've already begun stressing over the housekeeping to be done before then -- if I start tomorrow I just might be done by the time they arrive. Of course, they will arrive with expectations for what Andy 'should' be learning. My mil is very bothered that Andy still writes in all caps and often reverses the 'N.'
And, of course, they'll be concerned about Andy's weight -- and no one will be quiet about that one. With the in-laws it's about how we should sign Andy up for a regular activity - or that he'd get regular exercise in school with PE and playground time -- even if it's not what Andy wants. It's not like he's huge. Neither of the doctors he's seen recently are concerned, his BMI is just slightly in the 'overweight' range, and he's aware of it. It breaks my heart to hear him, at age 8, saying he'd like to be 'less fat' and 'not so big.'
Reading this, I guess it's more about how I can stop my own worries now and get past the stress. It's like constant warfare between the voices of my childhood -- what about school, he's too smart to not be writing, watch his weight now or he'll be fat forever, etc. and the rational, joyous truths I've come to know in the last few years in my life with these children. And it's the frustration that the only person who doesn't think I'm misguided, too easy and naive is Gary. I know it shouldn't matter to me what anyone outside our home thinks or wants, but the good daughter in me is feeling really battered right now. And I don't want to spill over and dump on the guys.
Syl, who just needed to vent, I guess.
Since her last departure, we've embraced unschooling here.
---------------------------------
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
So, she's coming back, looking forward to spending time with me again and, I think, in a much better place emotionally. She'll be house-sharing with a woman who's been her closest friend since I was a teenager, so they've both been thru a lot together. I'm happy to have her nearby, in that I do enjoy her company and the boys love her. BUT......
Several times lately, she's offered (totally unsolicited, mind you) ways I can include specific learning into Andy's 'schooling.' I've never bothered to explain the unschooling thing to her because a) she was in NC and b) it's not something I'm going to change, so it's not really open for debate. Okay, that's very much my style since childhood -- I do what I want, let them believe what they want and share my thoughts only on a need to know basis. I also do a fair amount of tongue-biting, because the fight's just not worth it.
Add to that, the inl-aws will be here in just 10 short weeks (early Oct) and I'm probably just days away from developing a nervous tic and dumping all my stress on poor Gary. I've already begun stressing over the housekeeping to be done before then -- if I start tomorrow I just might be done by the time they arrive. Of course, they will arrive with expectations for what Andy 'should' be learning. My mil is very bothered that Andy still writes in all caps and often reverses the 'N.'
And, of course, they'll be concerned about Andy's weight -- and no one will be quiet about that one. With the in-laws it's about how we should sign Andy up for a regular activity - or that he'd get regular exercise in school with PE and playground time -- even if it's not what Andy wants. It's not like he's huge. Neither of the doctors he's seen recently are concerned, his BMI is just slightly in the 'overweight' range, and he's aware of it. It breaks my heart to hear him, at age 8, saying he'd like to be 'less fat' and 'not so big.'
Reading this, I guess it's more about how I can stop my own worries now and get past the stress. It's like constant warfare between the voices of my childhood -- what about school, he's too smart to not be writing, watch his weight now or he'll be fat forever, etc. and the rational, joyous truths I've come to know in the last few years in my life with these children. And it's the frustration that the only person who doesn't think I'm misguided, too easy and naive is Gary. I know it shouldn't matter to me what anyone outside our home thinks or wants, but the good daughter in me is feeling really battered right now. And I don't want to spill over and dump on the guys.
Syl, who just needed to vent, I guess.
Since her last departure, we've embraced unschooling here.
---------------------------------
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Yahoo! Mail is new and improved - Check it out!
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 7/26/04 11:34:01 AM, sylgt04@... writes:
<< Okay, that's very much my style since childhood -- I do what I want, let
them believe what they want and share my thoughts only on a need to know
basis. >>
Maybe you could explain that to her, and tell her you don't want it to be
that way with your kids.
-=- My mil is very bothered that Andy still writes in all caps and often
reverses the 'N.' -=-
You could tell him not to write while she's there. <g>
-=-And, of course, they'll be concerned about Andy's weight -- and no one
will be quiet about that one. -=-
Can you tell them in writing before they arrive that they are not to say ONE
WORD about it?
-=-Reading this, I guess it's more about how I can stop my own worries now
and get past the stress. It's like constant warfare between the voices of my
childhood -- what about school, he's too smart to not be writing, watch his
weight now or he'll be fat forever, etc. and the rational, joyous truths I've come
to know in the last few years in my life with these children. -=-
You could explain that too, maybe. I would personally (because of the way I
am) do it in writing, in one joint letter to all of them. Tell them you have
a head full of negativity and you don't want that for your kids, so they are
welcome to come and be positive and happy and friendly but they are NOT welcome
to come and criticize or make fun of or try to be teachers. One infraction
and they can leave the house.
That's what I would do. And then if it pissed them off so they wouldn't
visit, I would be relieved.
Sandra
Sandra
<< Okay, that's very much my style since childhood -- I do what I want, let
them believe what they want and share my thoughts only on a need to know
basis. >>
Maybe you could explain that to her, and tell her you don't want it to be
that way with your kids.
-=- My mil is very bothered that Andy still writes in all caps and often
reverses the 'N.' -=-
You could tell him not to write while she's there. <g>
-=-And, of course, they'll be concerned about Andy's weight -- and no one
will be quiet about that one. -=-
Can you tell them in writing before they arrive that they are not to say ONE
WORD about it?
-=-Reading this, I guess it's more about how I can stop my own worries now
and get past the stress. It's like constant warfare between the voices of my
childhood -- what about school, he's too smart to not be writing, watch his
weight now or he'll be fat forever, etc. and the rational, joyous truths I've come
to know in the last few years in my life with these children. -=-
You could explain that too, maybe. I would personally (because of the way I
am) do it in writing, in one joint letter to all of them. Tell them you have
a head full of negativity and you don't want that for your kids, so they are
welcome to come and be positive and happy and friendly but they are NOT welcome
to come and criticize or make fun of or try to be teachers. One infraction
and they can leave the house.
That's what I would do. And then if it pissed them off so they wouldn't
visit, I would be relieved.
Sandra
Sandra
Elizabeth Hill
** And, of course, they'll be concerned about Andy's weight -- and no
one will be quiet about that one. **
OK, I'm not you and I have no idea how scary your in-laws are, but I
would talk to them now about NOT making weight comments in front of your
son. Even if you have to offer to spend half and hour on the phone now
"listening to their concerns", I think it would be worth it to avoid
damaging your son's opinion of himself. And it's okay with me <g> if
you make your husband do the talking on this issue.
**but the good daughter in me is feeling really battered right now. And
I don't want to spill over and dump on the guys.**
It's okay to vent here, **especially** about how hard it is to "sell"
unschooling to our assorted friends and relations. Telling you that
you've made a wise decision (in choosing unschooling) and that outside
critics don't know what they are talking about is practically our
primary function on this list.
Would role-playing help you work up some really strong sounding answers
and boundary enforcing statements? (I don't do role-playing myself, but
I do do a lot of mental rehearsal. First I do the "dreading" and then I
work up some "snappy comebacks" and then some tactful comebacks.) I
was thinking that if you are really feeling timid right now, you should
take the role of the interfering in-law and your spouse should practice
the "this is our decision" answers. It could be almost fun to play the
role of your m-i-l, if you wear a hat with a stuffed vulture on your
head and carry a big handbag. <g> (Idea stolen from Harry Potter #3)
Betsy
** I also do a fair amount of tongue-biting, because the fight's just
not worth it.**
Hmmm. I think it's possible to disagree without having a fight. BUT, I
haven't met your m-i-l, AND my natural tendency is to get a megaphone
and tell everyone exactly how I feel. Tongue biting is just way too
deferential for me. YMMV.
Hey, *I'll* roleplay with you, and I bet other people will too, if you
don't mind. You could post 5 disagreeable things that, based on her
track record, you think your m-i-l might come up with. I bet we can
come up with more than 5 possible responses to each one, ranging from
very calm to very fiery. (And possibly a couple of humorous ones.)
one will be quiet about that one. **
OK, I'm not you and I have no idea how scary your in-laws are, but I
would talk to them now about NOT making weight comments in front of your
son. Even if you have to offer to spend half and hour on the phone now
"listening to their concerns", I think it would be worth it to avoid
damaging your son's opinion of himself. And it's okay with me <g> if
you make your husband do the talking on this issue.
**but the good daughter in me is feeling really battered right now. And
I don't want to spill over and dump on the guys.**
It's okay to vent here, **especially** about how hard it is to "sell"
unschooling to our assorted friends and relations. Telling you that
you've made a wise decision (in choosing unschooling) and that outside
critics don't know what they are talking about is practically our
primary function on this list.
Would role-playing help you work up some really strong sounding answers
and boundary enforcing statements? (I don't do role-playing myself, but
I do do a lot of mental rehearsal. First I do the "dreading" and then I
work up some "snappy comebacks" and then some tactful comebacks.) I
was thinking that if you are really feeling timid right now, you should
take the role of the interfering in-law and your spouse should practice
the "this is our decision" answers. It could be almost fun to play the
role of your m-i-l, if you wear a hat with a stuffed vulture on your
head and carry a big handbag. <g> (Idea stolen from Harry Potter #3)
Betsy
** I also do a fair amount of tongue-biting, because the fight's just
not worth it.**
Hmmm. I think it's possible to disagree without having a fight. BUT, I
haven't met your m-i-l, AND my natural tendency is to get a megaphone
and tell everyone exactly how I feel. Tongue biting is just way too
deferential for me. YMMV.
Hey, *I'll* roleplay with you, and I bet other people will too, if you
don't mind. You could post 5 disagreeable things that, based on her
track record, you think your m-i-l might come up with. I bet we can
come up with more than 5 possible responses to each one, ranging from
very calm to very fiery. (And possibly a couple of humorous ones.)
Robyn Coburn
<<<I've come to know in the last few years in my life with these children.
And it's the frustration that the only person who doesn't think I'm
misguided, too easy and naive is Gary. I know it shouldn't matter to me
what anyone outside our home thinks or wants, but the good daughter in me is
feeling really battered right now.>>>
Although I'll have to think about it before having anything really helpful
to say, my instant knee-jerk reaction is to tell you that WE don't think you
are misguided in the least, but observant, loving and knowledgeable.
Would having some literature available to hand to the family be helpful -
would they at least be quiet long enough to read it while you escaped.
Good mother (ie you outranks internalized "good daughter". But I know how
hard it is to get past that feeling of fear of mother's disapproval.
Robyn L. Coburn
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And it's the frustration that the only person who doesn't think I'm
misguided, too easy and naive is Gary. I know it shouldn't matter to me
what anyone outside our home thinks or wants, but the good daughter in me is
feeling really battered right now.>>>
Although I'll have to think about it before having anything really helpful
to say, my instant knee-jerk reaction is to tell you that WE don't think you
are misguided in the least, but observant, loving and knowledgeable.
Would having some literature available to hand to the family be helpful -
would they at least be quiet long enough to read it while you escaped.
Good mother (ie you outranks internalized "good daughter". But I know how
hard it is to get past that feeling of fear of mother's disapproval.
Robyn L. Coburn
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Checked by AVG anti-virus system (http://www.grisoft.com).
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Sylvia Toyama
I'll go with the mental rehearsal and work on snappy comebacks. I've never been able to role-play, it just feels way too creepy and intimate, somehow. Altho I suppose I could role-play in my head with the mental rehearsal -- I'm sure there's room for a few more voices in my head! <g>
Thanks for the ideas.
Syl
*****
Would role-playing help you work up some really strong sounding answers and boundary enforcing statements? (I don't do role-playing myself, but I do do a lot of mental rehearsal. First I do the "dreading" and then I work up some "snappy comebacks" and then some tactful comebacks.)
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Thanks for the ideas.
Syl
*****
Would role-playing help you work up some really strong sounding answers and boundary enforcing statements? (I don't do role-playing myself, but I do do a lot of mental rehearsal. First I do the "dreading" and then I work up some "snappy comebacks" and then some tactful comebacks.)
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Sylvia Toyama
Good mother (ie you outranks internalized "good daughter". But I know how hard it is to get past that feeling of fear of mother's disapproval.
****
It's not really that I fear their disapproval, just that I don't want to talk about it if they disagree. I won't be swayed, so can't we find something pleasant to talk about?
I don't feel any need to defend what we do, in that I know we're right. For me it would be like wasting time arguing that grass is indeed green. In myself, I really could not care less what they think -- as long as they don't share their thoughts with my kids.
I will make a pre-emptive strike with my Mom about Andy's weight. We came down pretty hard on the inlaws after our last visit re: mil's comments about his weight so I'm quite sure they won't say anything in front of Andy. I realize they are all very genuinely concerned. We just have different strategies. I hope mine are more successful than my Mom -- we all three ended up with weight, food and diet issues.
Not having them visit isn't really an option, since the boys absolutely adore all their grandparents -- they even like my Dad. I love the inlaws, they're good people and they've been very good to us over the years. Also, Gary is an only child, so keeping relationship with them is just part of the whole package. We were both raised to be 'good' children.
I think we're just going to be ourselves, and they can like it or not. If they say something inappropriate, I'll just cut them off ann make it clear in front of the kids where we stand. The hell with graciousness. From now on, I'll opt for honesty and integrity. I'm not going to compromise our kids, or ask them to compromise themselves, for anyone.
Syl
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****
It's not really that I fear their disapproval, just that I don't want to talk about it if they disagree. I won't be swayed, so can't we find something pleasant to talk about?
I don't feel any need to defend what we do, in that I know we're right. For me it would be like wasting time arguing that grass is indeed green. In myself, I really could not care less what they think -- as long as they don't share their thoughts with my kids.
I will make a pre-emptive strike with my Mom about Andy's weight. We came down pretty hard on the inlaws after our last visit re: mil's comments about his weight so I'm quite sure they won't say anything in front of Andy. I realize they are all very genuinely concerned. We just have different strategies. I hope mine are more successful than my Mom -- we all three ended up with weight, food and diet issues.
Not having them visit isn't really an option, since the boys absolutely adore all their grandparents -- they even like my Dad. I love the inlaws, they're good people and they've been very good to us over the years. Also, Gary is an only child, so keeping relationship with them is just part of the whole package. We were both raised to be 'good' children.
I think we're just going to be ourselves, and they can like it or not. If they say something inappropriate, I'll just cut them off ann make it clear in front of the kids where we stand. The hell with graciousness. From now on, I'll opt for honesty and integrity. I'm not going to compromise our kids, or ask them to compromise themselves, for anyone.
Syl
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Sylvia Toyama
It is possible your son is going to have a growth
spurt or will later grow into his weight as he gets
older. We do all come in different shapes and
sizes and as long as he is not obese and risking his
health there is nothing wrong with being his own shape
and size.
**********
At first (some 18 mos ago) I thought it was prep for a growth spurt. My oldest son (19) was a stick-child, but just before a growth spurt he would gain just enought weight to look as if I actually fed him. <g> Then he would shoot up a few inches and be a stick yet again. As an adult, he's 5'10" and only 120 lbs -- still a stick. He was the kid who practically had to be force-fed
Andy has always been 'solid' compared to both the other boys -- his younger brother is just overall small for his age. Yes, he will grow into his current weight in that he will someday be tall enough to weigh more than his current 100 lbs. And yes, he will likely always be stocky. I could see that even when he was toddler -- he's just a big kid, tho not overly tall. Additionally, he has food issues around textures and eats no meat (another sensory issue) so his diet is very comfort-food oriented, which others see as an indulgence on my part. It's easy for them to say it's my fault he's overweight. My Mom's take on it is that I 'let this happen.'
I'd much rather deal with this now than to have it sneak up on him in his 20's as happened to me and my sibs. Our diet was so totally controlled by Mom in our childhood that we rebelled in adulthood -- we were the young adults cruising the 'sugar-frosted sugar' cereal aisle, and shunning all 'healthy' food. I guess since that happened after we left home, my Mom can feel that she didn't 'let it happen.' I want Andy to find his own way to a relationship with food before adulthood, and to have a much better sense of self than I ever had.
What I dislike most about the whole thing is that people tell me he's overweight -- like they think we haven't noticed yet. Sorta like they feel if I knew I'd have already fixed it, or I'd have him eating nothing but celery sticks as proof that I was taking care of it.
Syl
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spurt or will later grow into his weight as he gets
older. We do all come in different shapes and
sizes and as long as he is not obese and risking his
health there is nothing wrong with being his own shape
and size.
**********
At first (some 18 mos ago) I thought it was prep for a growth spurt. My oldest son (19) was a stick-child, but just before a growth spurt he would gain just enought weight to look as if I actually fed him. <g> Then he would shoot up a few inches and be a stick yet again. As an adult, he's 5'10" and only 120 lbs -- still a stick. He was the kid who practically had to be force-fed
Andy has always been 'solid' compared to both the other boys -- his younger brother is just overall small for his age. Yes, he will grow into his current weight in that he will someday be tall enough to weigh more than his current 100 lbs. And yes, he will likely always be stocky. I could see that even when he was toddler -- he's just a big kid, tho not overly tall. Additionally, he has food issues around textures and eats no meat (another sensory issue) so his diet is very comfort-food oriented, which others see as an indulgence on my part. It's easy for them to say it's my fault he's overweight. My Mom's take on it is that I 'let this happen.'
I'd much rather deal with this now than to have it sneak up on him in his 20's as happened to me and my sibs. Our diet was so totally controlled by Mom in our childhood that we rebelled in adulthood -- we were the young adults cruising the 'sugar-frosted sugar' cereal aisle, and shunning all 'healthy' food. I guess since that happened after we left home, my Mom can feel that she didn't 'let it happen.' I want Andy to find his own way to a relationship with food before adulthood, and to have a much better sense of self than I ever had.
What I dislike most about the whole thing is that people tell me he's overweight -- like they think we haven't noticed yet. Sorta like they feel if I knew I'd have already fixed it, or I'd have him eating nothing but celery sticks as proof that I was taking care of it.
Syl
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Andrea Burlingame
Thanks for the suggestion Angela. Actually, I hate sappy, cheerleader-like
aerobics too, so I'm glad to hear there are alternatives. I've recently
checked out a couple of DVD's from the library, Tae-Bo and a Beginning Yoga
DVD that looks good. I'm going to try them and look into some others,
including the one you're suggesting. I remember loving "Perfectly Fit:
Abs". While not really a sweating work out, it was great for strengthening
my stomach muscles and getting rid of back pain. It was challenging, and I
liked the calm scenes and low-key instruction. Problem is my VCR is broken
and I can't seem to find it on DVD. Probably isn't even being produced
anymore. It was several years ago that I used it.
Does anyone know how I can transfer a video tape to DVD. Probably a basic
thing, but I'm ignorant about how to do that.
~Andrea
aerobics too, so I'm glad to hear there are alternatives. I've recently
checked out a couple of DVD's from the library, Tae-Bo and a Beginning Yoga
DVD that looks good. I'm going to try them and look into some others,
including the one you're suggesting. I remember loving "Perfectly Fit:
Abs". While not really a sweating work out, it was great for strengthening
my stomach muscles and getting rid of back pain. It was challenging, and I
liked the calm scenes and low-key instruction. Problem is my VCR is broken
and I can't seem to find it on DVD. Probably isn't even being produced
anymore. It was several years ago that I used it.
Does anyone know how I can transfer a video tape to DVD. Probably a basic
thing, but I'm ignorant about how to do that.
~Andrea
----- Original Message -----
From: "Angela" <game-enthusiast@...>
To: <[email protected]>
Sent: Friday, July 23, 2004 5:03 PM
Subject: [UnschoolingDiscussion] exercise at home was RE: mom time
> Oh, Oh, I am glad I saw this the second time around. I missed it the
first
> time. I was in your shoes, not too long ago. I finally found a solution
> that works well for me. Maybe it'll work for you too. (before this I
wasn't
> into aerobics at all and I don't consider myself very coordinated) I
> discovered Leslie Sansone Walk Aerobic tapes. They are very basic using
> just four or five steps for the most part. There are side steps, kicks,
> marching in place, kick backs, and knee lifts. They are all low impact
but
> still get me sweating. Leslie is sweet but not sugary fake. (get ready,
I
> am going to sound like an infomercial now.)
>
> Over the last 14 or so months, I've lost 30 lbs and increased my muscle
mass
> substantially. I no longer have an aching back and I look forward to
> exercising every day. I've not really dieted at all but I am trying to
make
> better choices more often and I try to eat fruits, whole grains, and
> veggies every day. I still eat a moderate amount of sweets, so I don't
feel
> like I am depriving myself. My kids quickly got used to the fact that I
> exercise every morning. They know that it is my *me* time. I make sure
> they have something to eat and maybe a TV show to watch. Sometimes they
> bring their barbies down and barbie exercises with me. :0)
>
> The tapes are only around $9 each at Walmart. Often cheaper on ebay or
> half.com. If you hate them, you can always re-sell them on half.com. I
am
> really enthusiastic about them because I had tried for years to find a way
> to keep in shape with small kids and a dh that travels. It wasn't my lack
> of willingness that kept me out of shape. I just hadn't found an activity
> that kept my interest that didn't kill me. I tried the stationary bike,
the
> treadmill, walking or running outside etc. They either bored me or I
> couldn't do them consistently because of the weather or the fact that dh
> travels a lot. I had done other aerobic tapes in the past, but you had to
> be in great shape to begin with to even consider doing them. Leslie works
> for beginners as well as fit people because you can easily tailor it to
your
> fitness level.
>
> (whew! all that enthusiasm is tiring! LOL!)
> Angela
> game-enthusiast@...
>
>
>
> > I don't get much real,
> > heart-rate
> > increasing excercise, because I have nobody to leave
> > the kids with (can't
> > afford to hire someone and am new in this town and,
> > so far, have had no luck
> > finding people to hang out with, trade child care
> > with, etc...)
>
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
>
>
> "List Posting Policies" are provided in the files area of this group.
>
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http://www.unschooling.com
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