[UnschoolingDiscussion] Intro/Gift Questions
Abigail C Aldrich
Hi everybody,
I'm Abby, mom to 3 daughters, 5yo twins and an 11mo. I love lurking on
this list and am learning more and more about unschooling, so thanks for
that. :)
I have a question about handling birthday and other holiday gift issues
as far as the rest of the family is concerned. I've been told that I'm
being too much of a control freak by asking the grandparents, aunts and
uncles to limit toys. For my baby's first birthday next month I'm
considering asking them to donate a book to our tiny public library in
the baby's name instead of loading her up with toys. Other than that, I
have no idea how to curb the over-giving. Can anybody share experiences?
What about for the older kids? My girls love to play dollhouse with
anything--dinosaurs, Spider-man figurines, even colored pencils. No
matter what kinds of toys they get, they turn them into families or
friends and have roles for each of them. That is the kind of play they
most enjoy, but nobody ever wants to get them yet another set of
"people," and I'm not sure I want them to have that much stuff anyway. I
just feel like they have too much stuff and I don't know how to stop the
accumulation. Any advice would be appreciated.
TIA,
Abby
Lena and Liberty 4/17/99
Maya 8/17/03
________________________________________________________________
The best thing to hit the Internet in years - Juno SpeedBand!
Surf the Web up to FIVE TIMES FASTER!
Only $14.95/ month - visit www.juno.com to sign up today!
I'm Abby, mom to 3 daughters, 5yo twins and an 11mo. I love lurking on
this list and am learning more and more about unschooling, so thanks for
that. :)
I have a question about handling birthday and other holiday gift issues
as far as the rest of the family is concerned. I've been told that I'm
being too much of a control freak by asking the grandparents, aunts and
uncles to limit toys. For my baby's first birthday next month I'm
considering asking them to donate a book to our tiny public library in
the baby's name instead of loading her up with toys. Other than that, I
have no idea how to curb the over-giving. Can anybody share experiences?
What about for the older kids? My girls love to play dollhouse with
anything--dinosaurs, Spider-man figurines, even colored pencils. No
matter what kinds of toys they get, they turn them into families or
friends and have roles for each of them. That is the kind of play they
most enjoy, but nobody ever wants to get them yet another set of
"people," and I'm not sure I want them to have that much stuff anyway. I
just feel like they have too much stuff and I don't know how to stop the
accumulation. Any advice would be appreciated.
TIA,
Abby
Lena and Liberty 4/17/99
Maya 8/17/03
________________________________________________________________
The best thing to hit the Internet in years - Juno SpeedBand!
Surf the Web up to FIVE TIMES FASTER!
Only $14.95/ month - visit www.juno.com to sign up today!
[email protected]
In a message dated 7/17/2004 9:06:50 AM Mountain Daylight Time,
abbyaldrich1@... writes:
I've been told that I'm
being too much of a control freak by asking the grandparents, aunts and
uncles to limit toys.
--------------
I agree.
If you wanted to give a child something you thought would be wonderfully
interesting to him, how would you feel if another person nixed it?
Gifts are gifts.
-=-For my baby's first birthday next month I'm
considering asking them to donate a book to our tiny public library in
the baby's name instead of loading her up with toys. Other than that, I
have no idea how to curb the over-giving. -=-
That's a really bad idea.
Why do you think a child can overloaded with toys? She won't play with them
all right away, but over the years she will probably learn from all of them.
Kids play with different toys differently as they get older. My kids still
have and play with things they've had for years and years. I put them away
sometimes and bring them out sometimes and they present new opportunities.
That's the mainstay of my whole "strewing" principle (some new stuff, some re-run
stuff, left out to be discovered or rediscovered).
-=-That is the kind of play they
most enjoy, but nobody ever wants to get them yet another set of
"people," and I'm not sure I want them to have that much stuff anyway.-=-
I think you should worry about storage of what they do have and like, and not
spend energy wishig the world to be different.
[What about for the older kids?
. . .
Lena and Liberty 4/17/99]
They're not very old! Toys and playing are their best learning
opportunities. I would no more limit toys than I would tell a kid "Stop reading books,
you've read enough" or "you've asked ten questions today,and that's your limit."
Learning needs input and experience, and if you have relatives willing to
give you more toys, be happy! Your older kids might TOTALLY love whatever the
baby gets for her birthday.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
abbyaldrich1@... writes:
I've been told that I'm
being too much of a control freak by asking the grandparents, aunts and
uncles to limit toys.
--------------
I agree.
If you wanted to give a child something you thought would be wonderfully
interesting to him, how would you feel if another person nixed it?
Gifts are gifts.
-=-For my baby's first birthday next month I'm
considering asking them to donate a book to our tiny public library in
the baby's name instead of loading her up with toys. Other than that, I
have no idea how to curb the over-giving. -=-
That's a really bad idea.
Why do you think a child can overloaded with toys? She won't play with them
all right away, but over the years she will probably learn from all of them.
Kids play with different toys differently as they get older. My kids still
have and play with things they've had for years and years. I put them away
sometimes and bring them out sometimes and they present new opportunities.
That's the mainstay of my whole "strewing" principle (some new stuff, some re-run
stuff, left out to be discovered or rediscovered).
-=-That is the kind of play they
most enjoy, but nobody ever wants to get them yet another set of
"people," and I'm not sure I want them to have that much stuff anyway.-=-
I think you should worry about storage of what they do have and like, and not
spend energy wishig the world to be different.
[What about for the older kids?
. . .
Lena and Liberty 4/17/99]
They're not very old! Toys and playing are their best learning
opportunities. I would no more limit toys than I would tell a kid "Stop reading books,
you've read enough" or "you've asked ten questions today,and that's your limit."
Learning needs input and experience, and if you have relatives willing to
give you more toys, be happy! Your older kids might TOTALLY love whatever the
baby gets for her birthday.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 7/17/2004 12:58:00 PM Eastern Daylight Time,
SandraDodd@... writes:
"people," and I'm not sure I want them to have that much stuff anyway.-=-
I think you should worry about storage of what they do have and like, and not
spend energy wishing the world to be different.>>>>>>>
I completely agree with Sandra, and also would like to add another thought.
The Grandparents and Aunt who loved and cared for my children are now gone
from their lives, due to a car accident, cancer, and stroke. The family they
have left do not give a crap about them enough to think about their birthdays,
let alone buy them a present.
Instead of worrying about your children receiving too many toys, maybe you
should just be thankful they have family in their lives who care enough to find
the time to buy the gift, and to celebrate their birthday with them.
So many times in life, we take for granted the importance of even the
simplest gestures, because we are so busy with our own agenda. Just let life happen,
and learn to find the positive, and not the negative.
Elaine
Elai
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
SandraDodd@... writes:
>>>>>>-=-That is the kind of play theymost enjoy, but nobody ever wants to get them yet another set of
"people," and I'm not sure I want them to have that much stuff anyway.-=-
I think you should worry about storage of what they do have and like, and not
spend energy wishing the world to be different.>>>>>>>
I completely agree with Sandra, and also would like to add another thought.
The Grandparents and Aunt who loved and cared for my children are now gone
from their lives, due to a car accident, cancer, and stroke. The family they
have left do not give a crap about them enough to think about their birthdays,
let alone buy them a present.
Instead of worrying about your children receiving too many toys, maybe you
should just be thankful they have family in their lives who care enough to find
the time to buy the gift, and to celebrate their birthday with them.
So many times in life, we take for granted the importance of even the
simplest gestures, because we are so busy with our own agenda. Just let life happen,
and learn to find the positive, and not the negative.
Elaine
Elai
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
pam sorooshian
On Jul 17, 2004, at 10:38 AM, Moondancermom@... wrote:
beloved grandchildren. The things she gave them are so valuable now -
not in dollar terms, but because they no longer have HER here and the
"mere things" are the concrete way they hold her close them to them.
-pam
National Home Education Network
<www.NHEN.org>
Serving the entire homeschooling community since 1999
through information, networking and public relations.
> The Grandparents and Aunt who loved and cared for my children are nowI can only imagine if I'd told my mother not to buy toys for her
> gone
> from their lives, due to a car accident, cancer, and stroke.
beloved grandchildren. The things she gave them are so valuable now -
not in dollar terms, but because they no longer have HER here and the
"mere things" are the concrete way they hold her close them to them.
-pam
National Home Education Network
<www.NHEN.org>
Serving the entire homeschooling community since 1999
through information, networking and public relations.
[email protected]
In a message dated 7/17/2004 11:06:12 AM Eastern Standard Time,
abbyaldrich1@... writes:
love to have more.
Your twins are at the age when toys are starting to have tons of
possibilities. When they are really little they have fun manipulating and exploring the
toys they have, at this age they continue to do that but also use those huge
imaginations they have.
When our relatives overload the kids with gifts (especially since all of our
relatives are very distant) we are very appreciative. Overwhelmed, yes. For
the last couple events, we have put the "overflow" goodies away until they are
asked for or when we feel like strewing in some "new" stuff. Our closets are
stuffed with stuff that's still in boxes and it has become more a challenge
to store the stuff than anything else. We are planning a yard sale and my 6.5
year old is so excited to make some money for all the stuff he no longer needs
or wants.
The grandparents and others miss seeing the kids grow up and love to stay a
part of the magic of little ones in the family so they participate by buying
things for them. My oldest loves to talk on the phone with the family and then
when I talk to them they ask me about buying something for him that he's
"into" right now. Mine always love to brag about who sent them what.
If it's really important to you to limit the toys, then maybe ask the
relatives to send money for a piggy bank, or savings bonds, or clothing you may need
for them, etc. We asked everyone once to not send any more stuffed animals
cuz they are expensive and my kids don't play with them ever. We have chains
from the ceilings filled with the cutest dust collector's you've ever seen.
Once in awhile we throw them all down for cleaning and they fiddle with them for
a minute, then they're off to do something else. So the collection is lesser
now and the money isn't being wasted, they send other stuff instead.
Hope this helps.
Pamela
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
abbyaldrich1@... writes:
> II have never known a kiddo that had too many toys!! Or wouldn't absolutely
> just feel like they have too much stuff and I don't know how to stop the
> accumulation. Any advice would be appreciated.
love to have more.
Your twins are at the age when toys are starting to have tons of
possibilities. When they are really little they have fun manipulating and exploring the
toys they have, at this age they continue to do that but also use those huge
imaginations they have.
When our relatives overload the kids with gifts (especially since all of our
relatives are very distant) we are very appreciative. Overwhelmed, yes. For
the last couple events, we have put the "overflow" goodies away until they are
asked for or when we feel like strewing in some "new" stuff. Our closets are
stuffed with stuff that's still in boxes and it has become more a challenge
to store the stuff than anything else. We are planning a yard sale and my 6.5
year old is so excited to make some money for all the stuff he no longer needs
or wants.
The grandparents and others miss seeing the kids grow up and love to stay a
part of the magic of little ones in the family so they participate by buying
things for them. My oldest loves to talk on the phone with the family and then
when I talk to them they ask me about buying something for him that he's
"into" right now. Mine always love to brag about who sent them what.
If it's really important to you to limit the toys, then maybe ask the
relatives to send money for a piggy bank, or savings bonds, or clothing you may need
for them, etc. We asked everyone once to not send any more stuffed animals
cuz they are expensive and my kids don't play with them ever. We have chains
from the ceilings filled with the cutest dust collector's you've ever seen.
Once in awhile we throw them all down for cleaning and they fiddle with them for
a minute, then they're off to do something else. So the collection is lesser
now and the money isn't being wasted, they send other stuff instead.
Hope this helps.
Pamela
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
J. Stauffer
<<<<<I've been told that I'm
culture, with every occassion being a time to get more and more stuff.
However, it is important to remember that your children may not (and at
their ages, probably don't) share your beliefs. Things to consider:
1) Even though it may feel to you that your home is overflowing with toys
and stuff. For that child, it is the only birthday they will have for a
tremendously long time.
2) I would never tell someone what kind of gift to give but you might ask
your relatives if they have considered giving activities rather than things
(perhaps a home-made coupon book with pages for fishing with grandpa or
making cookies with grandma <my kids love these>) or perhaps memberships at
the zoo or children's museum, movie tickets, etc..
Just a thought.
Julie S.
> being too much of a control freak by asking the grandparents, aunts andI certainly understand feeling overwhelmed by the consumerism of our
> uncles to limit toys. >>>>>>
culture, with every occassion being a time to get more and more stuff.
However, it is important to remember that your children may not (and at
their ages, probably don't) share your beliefs. Things to consider:
1) Even though it may feel to you that your home is overflowing with toys
and stuff. For that child, it is the only birthday they will have for a
tremendously long time.
2) I would never tell someone what kind of gift to give but you might ask
your relatives if they have considered giving activities rather than things
(perhaps a home-made coupon book with pages for fishing with grandpa or
making cookies with grandma <my kids love these>) or perhaps memberships at
the zoo or children's museum, movie tickets, etc..
Just a thought.
Julie S.
----- Original Message -----
From: <SandraDodd@...>
To: <[email protected]>
Sent: Saturday, July 17, 2004 11:40 AM
Subject: Re: [UnschoolingDiscussion] Intro/Gift Questions
> In a message dated 7/17/2004 9:06:50 AM Mountain Daylight Time,
> abbyaldrich1@... writes:
> I've been told that I'm
> being too much of a control freak by asking the grandparents, aunts and
> uncles to limit toys.
> --------------
>
> I agree.
>
> If you wanted to give a child something you thought would be wonderfully
> interesting to him, how would you feel if another person nixed it?
>
> Gifts are gifts.
>
> -=-For my baby's first birthday next month I'm
> considering asking them to donate a book to our tiny public library in
> the baby's name instead of loading her up with toys. Other than that, I
> have no idea how to curb the over-giving. -=-
>
> That's a really bad idea.
>
> Why do you think a child can overloaded with toys? She won't play with
them
> all right away, but over the years she will probably learn from all of
them.
> Kids play with different toys differently as they get older. My kids
still
> have and play with things they've had for years and years. I put them
away
> sometimes and bring them out sometimes and they present new opportunities.
> That's the mainstay of my whole "strewing" principle (some new stuff, some
re-run
> stuff, left out to be discovered or rediscovered).
>
> -=-That is the kind of play they
> most enjoy, but nobody ever wants to get them yet another set of
> "people," and I'm not sure I want them to have that much stuff anyway.-=-
>
> I think you should worry about storage of what they do have and like, and
not
> spend energy wishig the world to be different.
>
> [What about for the older kids?
> . . .
> Lena and Liberty 4/17/99]
>
> They're not very old! Toys and playing are their best learning
> opportunities. I would no more limit toys than I would tell a kid "Stop
reading books,
> you've read enough" or "you've asked ten questions today,and that's your
limit."
>
> Learning needs input and experience, and if you have relatives willing to
> give you more toys, be happy! Your older kids might TOTALLY love whatever
the
> baby gets for her birthday.
>
>
> Sandra
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
>
>
> "List Posting Policies" are provided in the files area of this group.
>
> Visit the Unschooling website and message boards:
http://www.unschooling.com
> Yahoo! Groups Links
>
>
>
>
>
>
strega nona
This brought tears to my eyes because, my children are all grown now, the
youngest is thirty. And one christmas their dad show up that night, a little
drunk, not mean drunk, just a little silly drunk and gave them all stuff
animals. He is gone now, but they still have those stuff animals. And have
never forgotten that christmas with him.
Pam W.
-------Original Message-------
From: [email protected]
Date: 07/17/04 15:48:23
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: [UnschoolingDiscussion] Intro/Gift Questions
youngest is thirty. And one christmas their dad show up that night, a little
drunk, not mean drunk, just a little silly drunk and gave them all stuff
animals. He is gone now, but they still have those stuff animals. And have
never forgotten that christmas with him.
Pam W.
-------Original Message-------
From: [email protected]
Date: 07/17/04 15:48:23
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: [UnschoolingDiscussion] Intro/Gift Questions
On Jul 17, 2004, at 10:38 AM, Moondancermom@... wrote:
> The Grandparents and Aunt who loved and cared for my children are now
> gone
> from their lives, due to a car accident, cancer, and stroke.
I can only imagine if I'd told my mother not to buy toys for her
beloved grandchildren. The things she gave them are so valuable now -
not in dollar terms, but because they no longer have HER here and the
"mere things" are the concrete way they hold her close them to them.
-pam
National Home Education Network
<www.NHEN.org>
Serving the entire homeschooling community since 1999
through information, networking and public relations.
"List Posting Policies" are provided in the files area of this group.
Visit the Unschooling website and message boards: http://www.unschooling.com
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Abigail C Aldrich
We do put the new stuff away and we rotate toys often, but we are
seriously running out of room here. My mother and MIL will easily spend
$200 per kid per birthday. I don't even want to know what they spend at
Christmas. I just think it's a bit much. I'm all for the sentimentality
of knowing that Grandma gave them such and such, but isn't there room for
that with limits?
Also, it's the relatives that spend the most who seem to not care what
the kids are "into." They're usually just going down the toy aisles
chucking things into the cart with nobody in particular in mind. The
relatives who really know them and spend time with them don't do that.
My dad buys everybody a book and writes inside it, "I thought you might
like this because of x,y,z...Grandpa," usually along with a simple toy
that he buys with them in mind. I think that's going to mean more to
them in 20 years than all of the crap that the other relatives buy.
experience with my own children.
So, I should keep accumulating thousands of dollars worth of toys every
year because some day they *might* learn from all of them? We don't have
enough room in our house for that. Has anybody here struggled with the
space issue when it comes to too much accumulation? If so, what have you
done about it? It hasn't been an issue until this year. Now it's just
too cramped here and I am overwhelmed with the amount of toys we have. I
am also overwhelmed at the thought of getting so many more in the next
month. It seriously stresses me out. I'm not trying to take fun away
from my children, but there has to be a happy medium. We can not
continue to accumulate toys at this rate. I appreciate the advice about
being happy that we have people who want to give them things, and I'm
sorry for those of you who don't have anybody, but I think this is a
different issue. We're not talking about a few well-chosen gifts.
Abby
Lena and Liberty 4/17/99
Maya 8/17/03
On Sat, 17 Jul 2004 15:50:08 EDT b229d655@... writes:
The best thing to hit the Internet in years - Juno SpeedBand!
Surf the Web up to FIVE TIMES FASTER!
Only $14.95/ month - visit www.juno.com to sign up today!
seriously running out of room here. My mother and MIL will easily spend
$200 per kid per birthday. I don't even want to know what they spend at
Christmas. I just think it's a bit much. I'm all for the sentimentality
of knowing that Grandma gave them such and such, but isn't there room for
that with limits?
Also, it's the relatives that spend the most who seem to not care what
the kids are "into." They're usually just going down the toy aisles
chucking things into the cart with nobody in particular in mind. The
relatives who really know them and spend time with them don't do that.
My dad buys everybody a book and writes inside it, "I thought you might
like this because of x,y,z...Grandpa," usually along with a simple toy
that he buys with them in mind. I think that's going to mean more to
them in 20 years than all of the crap that the other relatives buy.
>>Why do you think a child can overloaded with toys?Maybe not overloaded, but overwhelmed with all the choices. Just my
experience with my own children.
>> She won't play with themthem.
>>all right away, but over the years she will probably learn from all of
So, I should keep accumulating thousands of dollars worth of toys every
year because some day they *might* learn from all of them? We don't have
enough room in our house for that. Has anybody here struggled with the
space issue when it comes to too much accumulation? If so, what have you
done about it? It hasn't been an issue until this year. Now it's just
too cramped here and I am overwhelmed with the amount of toys we have. I
am also overwhelmed at the thought of getting so many more in the next
month. It seriously stresses me out. I'm not trying to take fun away
from my children, but there has to be a happy medium. We can not
continue to accumulate toys at this rate. I appreciate the advice about
being happy that we have people who want to give them things, and I'm
sorry for those of you who don't have anybody, but I think this is a
different issue. We're not talking about a few well-chosen gifts.
Abby
Lena and Liberty 4/17/99
Maya 8/17/03
On Sat, 17 Jul 2004 15:50:08 EDT b229d655@... writes:
> In a message dated 7/17/2004 11:06:12 AM Eastern Standard Time,________________________________________________________________
> abbyaldrich1@... writes:
> > I
> > just feel like they have too much stuff and I don't know how to
> stop the
> > accumulation. Any advice would be appreciated.
>
>
> I have never known a kiddo that had too many toys!! Or wouldn't
> absolutely
> love to have more.
>
> Your twins are at the age when toys are starting to have tons of
> possibilities. When they are really little they have fun
> manipulating and exploring the
> toys they have, at this age they continue to do that but also use
> those huge
> imaginations they have.
>
> When our relatives overload the kids with gifts (especially since
> all of our
> relatives are very distant) we are very appreciative. Overwhelmed,
> yes. For
> the last couple events, we have put the "overflow" goodies away
> until they are
> asked for or when we feel like strewing in some "new" stuff. Our
> closets are
> stuffed with stuff that's still in boxes and it has become more a
> challenge
> to store the stuff than anything else. We are planning a yard sale
> and my 6.5
> year old is so excited to make some money for all the stuff he no
> longer needs
> or wants.
>
> The grandparents and others miss seeing the kids grow up and love to
> stay a
> part of the magic of little ones in the family so they participate
> by buying
> things for them. My oldest loves to talk on the phone with the
> family and then
> when I talk to them they ask me about buying something for him that
> he's
> "into" right now. Mine always love to brag about who sent them
> what.
>
> If it's really important to you to limit the toys, then maybe ask
> the
> relatives to send money for a piggy bank, or savings bonds, or
> clothing you may need
> for them, etc. We asked everyone once to not send any more stuffed
> animals
> cuz they are expensive and my kids don't play with them ever. We
> have chains
> from the ceilings filled with the cutest dust collector's you've
> ever seen.
> Once in awhile we throw them all down for cleaning and they fiddle
> with them for
> a minute, then they're off to do something else. So the collection
> is lesser
> now and the money isn't being wasted, they send other stuff
> instead.
>
> Hope this helps.
>
> Pamela
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
>
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> group.
>
> Visit the Unschooling website and message boards:
> http://www.unschooling.com
> Yahoo! Groups Links
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
The best thing to hit the Internet in years - Juno SpeedBand!
Surf the Web up to FIVE TIMES FASTER!
Only $14.95/ month - visit www.juno.com to sign up today!
Nancy Jozwick
Hi Abigail,
I wondered if you could not suggest a small toy & a savings bond or even only a savings bond. Since they want to spend the money for the children - do they help with clothing? Maybe 1 outfit & 1 toy. Then again, let them buy the toys & you purchase the savings bonds etc. lol
nancyjoz
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I wondered if you could not suggest a small toy & a savings bond or even only a savings bond. Since they want to spend the money for the children - do they help with clothing? Maybe 1 outfit & 1 toy. Then again, let them buy the toys & you purchase the savings bonds etc. lol
nancyjoz
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 7/17/2004 7:30:59 PM Eastern Daylight Time,
abbyaldrich1@... writes:
I
one special gift carefully and if they would like, you are also asking that
anything over one gift be brought so your child can take and donate it to a
homeless or battered women's shelter or a child in a group home or something of
the sort.
After my son died I had people who normally would have been a part of his
birthday celebration and they weren't sure whether they should mention Jack's
birthday or say nothing or do something or do nothing.
The next birthday after he died we sent out little invitation type cards
saying that we are honored so many people remember Jackson's short life and a
little verse about how our friends had touched us in so many ways, etc., and
offered if they would like to celebrate Jack's short life they could donate an
age appropriate toy to the local women's and children's shelter. Many did,
many family friends who buy gifts for the other children still bring along a
gift that would be age appropriate for Jackson and ask us to drop it off at the
shelter or other place of our choosing.
My children, who are mostly grown now, enjoying going by with a new toy for
these kids who have so little in life, maybe your twins will enjoy sharing
their bounty with others as well.
Just a thought.
glena
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
abbyaldrich1@... writes:
I
> > just feel like they have too much stuff and I don't know how toIf you send out invitations you might make a note that asks them to pick out
> stop the
> > accumulation. Any advice would be appreciated.
>
one special gift carefully and if they would like, you are also asking that
anything over one gift be brought so your child can take and donate it to a
homeless or battered women's shelter or a child in a group home or something of
the sort.
After my son died I had people who normally would have been a part of his
birthday celebration and they weren't sure whether they should mention Jack's
birthday or say nothing or do something or do nothing.
The next birthday after he died we sent out little invitation type cards
saying that we are honored so many people remember Jackson's short life and a
little verse about how our friends had touched us in so many ways, etc., and
offered if they would like to celebrate Jack's short life they could donate an
age appropriate toy to the local women's and children's shelter. Many did,
many family friends who buy gifts for the other children still bring along a
gift that would be age appropriate for Jackson and ask us to drop it off at the
shelter or other place of our choosing.
My children, who are mostly grown now, enjoying going by with a new toy for
these kids who have so little in life, maybe your twins will enjoy sharing
their bounty with others as well.
Just a thought.
glena
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 7/17/2004 5:31:01 PM Mountain Daylight Time,
abbyaldrich1@... writes:
My dad buys everybody a book and writes inside it, "I thought you might
like this because of x,y,z...Grandpa," usually along with a simple toy
that he buys with them in mind. I think that's going to mean more to
them in 20 years than all of the crap that the other relatives buy.
=======
Well then you should emulate your dad when you give gifts.
But it might be worth considering multiple intelligences. A kid who loves
sports and is good at kinesthetic activities but not verbal might think a book
is the biggest waste of money and space of all time. And conversely, to give a
bookish kid a football because the giver thinks the kid should get out and
play instead of reading is not a good gift.
Your children are one and four and they don't need books as much as they need
toys.
-=- I just think it's a bit much. I'm all for the sentimentality
of knowing that Grandma gave them such and such, but isn't there room for
that with limits? -=-
You mean can't you call the shots?
No.
Do you want your kids telling you what you can give your grandchildren?
-=-So, I should keep accumulating thousands of dollars worth of toys every
year because some day they *might* learn from all of them? -=-
If you already know the answer and just wanted us to agree, you asked the
wrong list.
-=-Has anybody here struggled with the
space issue when it comes to too much accumulation? If so, what have you
done about it? -=-
We got a bigger house.
-=- I am also overwhelmed at the thought of getting so many more in the next
month. It seriously stresses me out. -=-
Breathe deep breaths, think lovely thoughts, and figure out how to NOT be
seriously stressed out, for the sake of your kids. Causing friction between you
and their grandchildren is not a way to lessen the stress.
If your relatives live nearby and have a bigger house, maybe you could ask
them to store the off-season toys, or the cycled-out-for-now toys, and every few
months you could trade some boxes in and out from them.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
abbyaldrich1@... writes:
My dad buys everybody a book and writes inside it, "I thought you might
like this because of x,y,z...Grandpa," usually along with a simple toy
that he buys with them in mind. I think that's going to mean more to
them in 20 years than all of the crap that the other relatives buy.
=======
Well then you should emulate your dad when you give gifts.
But it might be worth considering multiple intelligences. A kid who loves
sports and is good at kinesthetic activities but not verbal might think a book
is the biggest waste of money and space of all time. And conversely, to give a
bookish kid a football because the giver thinks the kid should get out and
play instead of reading is not a good gift.
Your children are one and four and they don't need books as much as they need
toys.
-=- I just think it's a bit much. I'm all for the sentimentality
of knowing that Grandma gave them such and such, but isn't there room for
that with limits? -=-
You mean can't you call the shots?
No.
Do you want your kids telling you what you can give your grandchildren?
-=-So, I should keep accumulating thousands of dollars worth of toys every
year because some day they *might* learn from all of them? -=-
If you already know the answer and just wanted us to agree, you asked the
wrong list.
-=-Has anybody here struggled with the
space issue when it comes to too much accumulation? If so, what have you
done about it? -=-
We got a bigger house.
-=- I am also overwhelmed at the thought of getting so many more in the next
month. It seriously stresses me out. -=-
Breathe deep breaths, think lovely thoughts, and figure out how to NOT be
seriously stressed out, for the sake of your kids. Causing friction between you
and their grandchildren is not a way to lessen the stress.
If your relatives live nearby and have a bigger house, maybe you could ask
them to store the off-season toys, or the cycled-out-for-now toys, and every few
months you could trade some boxes in and out from them.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
pam sorooshian
Three suggestions other than telling people not to give your kids toys:
Ask for tickets to shows.
Ask for museum, zoo, aquarium, and amusement park memberships.
Ask for money for travel.
Ask for consumables - send relatives an art supply catalog and ask them
to order gifts from that.
Get a storage shed - $200 for a really big Rubbermaid shed for outdoors.
You'll be getting rid of toys, eventually, in favor of new ones. It
isn't going to be just accumulated forever.
You don't have to KEEP anything people give you - just let the kids
play with them and take a picture and enclose that with a nice note
saying thank you for the gifts. Then donate them to Goodwill.
-pam
Ask for tickets to shows.
Ask for museum, zoo, aquarium, and amusement park memberships.
Ask for money for travel.
Ask for consumables - send relatives an art supply catalog and ask them
to order gifts from that.
Get a storage shed - $200 for a really big Rubbermaid shed for outdoors.
You'll be getting rid of toys, eventually, in favor of new ones. It
isn't going to be just accumulated forever.
You don't have to KEEP anything people give you - just let the kids
play with them and take a picture and enclose that with a nice note
saying thank you for the gifts. Then donate them to Goodwill.
-pam
On Jul 17, 2004, at 4:27 PM, Abigail C Aldrich wrote:
> We do put the new stuff away and we rotate toys often, but we are
> seriously running out of room here. My mother and MIL will easily
> spend
> $200 per kid per birthday. I don't even want to know what they spend
> at
> Christmas. I just think it's a bit much. I'm all for the
> sentimentality
> of knowing that Grandma gave them such and such, but isn't there room
> for
> that with limits?
>
National Home Education Network
<www.NHEN.org>
Serving the entire homeschooling community since 1999
through information, networking and public relations.
pam sorooshian
On Jul 17, 2004, at 5:20 PM, SandraDodd@... wrote:
good gift. My girls wanted nothing MORE than a good book, so I just
didn't consider that he was hugely disappointed in a book as a gift.
He's an athlete.
-pam
National Home Education Network
<www.NHEN.org>
Serving the entire homeschooling community since 1999
through information, networking and public relations.
> A kid who lovesMy sister had to nudge me to realize her son did NOT consider a book a
> sports and is good at kinesthetic activities but not verbal might
> think a book
> is the biggest waste of money and space of all time.
good gift. My girls wanted nothing MORE than a good book, so I just
didn't consider that he was hugely disappointed in a book as a gift.
He's an athlete.
-pam
National Home Education Network
<www.NHEN.org>
Serving the entire homeschooling community since 1999
through information, networking and public relations.
pam sorooshian
Well - that was not "three" - it was some other things to ask for plus
three suggestions of things to do other than telling people not to give
your kids gifts.
-pam
three suggestions of things to do other than telling people not to give
your kids gifts.
-pam
On Jul 17, 2004, at 6:12 PM, pam sorooshian wrote:
> Three suggestions other than telling people not to give your kids toys:
>
National Home Education Network
<www.NHEN.org>
Serving the entire homeschooling community since 1999
through information, networking and public relations.
[email protected]
In a message dated 7/17/2004 6:30:41 PM Central Standard Time,
abbyaldrich1@... writes:
So, I should keep accumulating thousands of dollars worth of toys every
year because some day they *might* learn from all of them?
~~
Nah, I don't think so. I don't think just ANYTHING that Grandma gives a
kids is special. Special things are special. My mil had been giving my
teenagers shirts or sweaters for Christmas for years that they NEVER wore. They did
NOT appreciate them and she had no idea what kind of clothes they liked.
Her health started to slip and by the time they were grown she had started
giving them gift certificates, and it was so much better than a shirt or sweater
they would never wear!
My mother gives my youngest son stuff that she's picked up on her
travels...old maps or interesting things that she gets as freebies as a senior citizen.
Even if it's not something he really wanted or fit his interests, it's at
least an oddity or a novelty that can hold more than an obligatory interest.
I can't say that my mother knows my kids better than my mil. I think she
just puts more zing into her gift ideas. Yeah, the kids are going to miss both
grandma's when they're gone, but they're not going to cherish totally
irrelavent gifts no matter what.
I'm completely against the kind of toy-giving you're talking about. How
about a little thought for the receiver? How about a little relationship to get
to know what the kid is all about? Can't buy love.
Karen
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
abbyaldrich1@... writes:
So, I should keep accumulating thousands of dollars worth of toys every
year because some day they *might* learn from all of them?
~~
Nah, I don't think so. I don't think just ANYTHING that Grandma gives a
kids is special. Special things are special. My mil had been giving my
teenagers shirts or sweaters for Christmas for years that they NEVER wore. They did
NOT appreciate them and she had no idea what kind of clothes they liked.
Her health started to slip and by the time they were grown she had started
giving them gift certificates, and it was so much better than a shirt or sweater
they would never wear!
My mother gives my youngest son stuff that she's picked up on her
travels...old maps or interesting things that she gets as freebies as a senior citizen.
Even if it's not something he really wanted or fit his interests, it's at
least an oddity or a novelty that can hold more than an obligatory interest.
I can't say that my mother knows my kids better than my mil. I think she
just puts more zing into her gift ideas. Yeah, the kids are going to miss both
grandma's when they're gone, but they're not going to cherish totally
irrelavent gifts no matter what.
I'm completely against the kind of toy-giving you're talking about. How
about a little thought for the receiver? How about a little relationship to get
to know what the kid is all about? Can't buy love.
Karen
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Abigail C Aldrich
Thank you Pam. Those are all really good ideas. It didn't feel right to
tell them not to give the kids toys, but it also didn't feel right to let
it keep going like this. I didn't even think of asking for the things
you mentioned because those are things that we normally buy without
hesitation.
Abby
On Sat, 17 Jul 2004 18:12:48 -0700 pam sorooshian <pamsoroosh@...>
writes:
The best thing to hit the Internet in years - Juno SpeedBand!
Surf the Web up to FIVE TIMES FASTER!
Only $14.95/ month - visit www.juno.com to sign up today!
tell them not to give the kids toys, but it also didn't feel right to let
it keep going like this. I didn't even think of asking for the things
you mentioned because those are things that we normally buy without
hesitation.
Abby
On Sat, 17 Jul 2004 18:12:48 -0700 pam sorooshian <pamsoroosh@...>
writes:
> Three suggestions other than telling people not to give your kids________________________________________________________________
> toys:
>
>Ask for tickets to shows.
>Ask for museum, zoo, aquarium, and amusement park memberships.
>Ask for money for travel.
>Ask for consumables - send relatives an art supply catalog and ask them
>to order gifts from that.
The best thing to hit the Internet in years - Juno SpeedBand!
Surf the Web up to FIVE TIMES FASTER!
Only $14.95/ month - visit www.juno.com to sign up today!
Abigail C Aldrich
On Sat, 17 Jul 2004 20:20:02 EDT SandraDodd@... writes:
other hand, are extremely bookish, so they actually do need books at
least as much as they need toys.
that will make them see that we really do have a problem with storing all
of these toys. They only see the toys that are currently being played
with; they never see the tubs and tubs that are overflowing our closets.
Abby
________________________________________________________________
The best thing to hit the Internet in years - Juno SpeedBand!
Surf the Web up to FIVE TIMES FASTER!
Only $14.95/ month - visit www.juno.com to sign up today!
> But it might be worth considering multiple intelligences. A kid whoThis is obvious, I wish all of the grandparents thought this way.
> loves
> sports and is good at kinesthetic activities but not verbal might
> think a book
> is the biggest waste of money and space of all time.
> Your children are one and four and they don't need books as much asI would agree with that for the one year old. My five year olds, on the
> they need
> toys.
other hand, are extremely bookish, so they actually do need books at
least as much as they need toys.
> We got a bigger house.Good for you, but that's really not an option for us.
> If your relatives live nearby and have a bigger house, maybe youFinally, this is a really good idea to help with this problem. Maybe
> could ask
> them to store the off-season toys,
that will make them see that we really do have a problem with storing all
of these toys. They only see the toys that are currently being played
with; they never see the tubs and tubs that are overflowing our closets.
Abby
________________________________________________________________
The best thing to hit the Internet in years - Juno SpeedBand!
Surf the Web up to FIVE TIMES FASTER!
Only $14.95/ month - visit www.juno.com to sign up today!
Robyn Coburn
<<<Also, it's the relatives that spend the most who seem to not care what
the kids are "into." They're usually just going down the toy aisles
chucking things into the cart with nobody in particular in mind. The
relatives who really know them and spend time with them don't do that.>>>
Basically what we do with Jayn's gifts, taking into account her dislike of
surprises, is ask her what she would like from a specific relative, like
Nan. Last Christmas she chose Mommy's Little Patient a couple of months
before. She got a huge amount of joy in anticipation, and in telling
everyone that Nan and Grandpa were going to give her that particular
present. She would have been really upset if anyone else had tried to give
her that doll earlier. Naturally Nan was on board with this, and did not try
to get some other thing, which would have been devastating. I would suggest
creating a list with your kids of specific toys they would like, and then
distributing this to some of the relatives.
I guess we are lucky with all of dh's family, because they have a tradition
of distributing lists of desired items and checking up with people about
what they might like. For them this is more important than surprise. I was
pretty startled by this when I first joined the family. However it seems to
work. Dh's mother likes to give clothes or homemade jewelery to Jayn, but
always checks with us first about colors or styles (from catalogues). We
usually run the suggestions by Jayn first. My mother OTOH seems to have a
real line onto what Jayn will like to wear in the dresses she makes or buys
as surprises. Sure has changed from when I was a little girl and spent my
entire childhood hating most of my clothing.
For her last birthday Jayn wanted a Maleficent doll from Disneyland. She
told everyone that she was getting this, with enormous excitement making her
unintelligible. (Many confused looks from friends and neighbors). On no
account was I permitted to buy the doll for her on any earlier visit to
Disneyland. Tears ensued when I offered to do so.
When Jayn was a baby, we sometimes asked family members for the money for
her bank account (actually a Mutual Fund).
Below is part of a post that I sent about toys last time this question was
active. There was a lot in that thread about some really creative storage
solutions also. The thread was actually called "Violent toys?" if your want
to search the archives.
Quote Begins:
<<<Now the only criteria I use for whether I will buy a toy are: 1/ Jayn
(4.5) has actually asked for it; 2/ We can afford it; 3/ We have the room
for it in our apartment. (She can hardly wait for a new room so she can have
a dolls' house). *All* her toys are learning tools, and the issue of quality
has been one that I have also let go of. For example, I was only interested
in getting her nice paints and real bristle paintbrushes. She asked for the
really cheap little watercolor trays that come with coloring books, and
likes using those awful cheap brushes they come with to scrape on the paper,
along with her good brushes. She has often gotten just as much out of the
dolls that come with her Happy Meal, as she has out of her collectible
Barbies - and boy do I feel better about her pulling those ones apart to
turn them into puppets, or repainting their clothes different colors.
Actually I let go of my anxiety about her destroying any of her own things,
as long as she is doing it deliberately and mindfully - transformation not
destruction. I mean, if she is throwing something in a fury, I try to
prevent the damage since I know she will be sorry later, but if she is
cutting their hair knowing it won't grow back - well they are her things,
not mine. She also has a bunch of porcelain dolls, of which she is very
careful.
How does Jayn discover the toys she wants? TV, internet, catalogues,
browsing at stores, visiting friends, seeing some toy/tool Daddy has bought
for himself. Least successful: adults buying her some unseen or unasked for
toy and giving it to her as a surprise. Sometimes she gets downright angry
and insists we take it back to the store.
I have always disliked those electronic toys along the lines of Lets Pretend
Elmo (is that the right name?) that direct the child's play. I think
disliking them allowed me to feel superior somehow. Jayn solves that problem
with pretty much all the dolls she has that talk, by choosing to switch them
off. What a concept: she is in charge of her own playing and there is no
"right" way to use any of it! I can trust her to use all her stuff in ways
far beyond the instructions.>>>>
Further to this, we have just spent a charming afternoon repainting her
Fisher Price plastic farmhouse with what she evidently considers more
realistic colors.
Robyn L. Coburn
---
Outgoing mail is certified Virus Free.
Checked by AVG anti-virus system (http://www.grisoft.com).
Version: 6.0.721 / Virus Database: 477 - Release Date: 7/16/2004
the kids are "into." They're usually just going down the toy aisles
chucking things into the cart with nobody in particular in mind. The
relatives who really know them and spend time with them don't do that.>>>
Basically what we do with Jayn's gifts, taking into account her dislike of
surprises, is ask her what she would like from a specific relative, like
Nan. Last Christmas she chose Mommy's Little Patient a couple of months
before. She got a huge amount of joy in anticipation, and in telling
everyone that Nan and Grandpa were going to give her that particular
present. She would have been really upset if anyone else had tried to give
her that doll earlier. Naturally Nan was on board with this, and did not try
to get some other thing, which would have been devastating. I would suggest
creating a list with your kids of specific toys they would like, and then
distributing this to some of the relatives.
I guess we are lucky with all of dh's family, because they have a tradition
of distributing lists of desired items and checking up with people about
what they might like. For them this is more important than surprise. I was
pretty startled by this when I first joined the family. However it seems to
work. Dh's mother likes to give clothes or homemade jewelery to Jayn, but
always checks with us first about colors or styles (from catalogues). We
usually run the suggestions by Jayn first. My mother OTOH seems to have a
real line onto what Jayn will like to wear in the dresses she makes or buys
as surprises. Sure has changed from when I was a little girl and spent my
entire childhood hating most of my clothing.
For her last birthday Jayn wanted a Maleficent doll from Disneyland. She
told everyone that she was getting this, with enormous excitement making her
unintelligible. (Many confused looks from friends and neighbors). On no
account was I permitted to buy the doll for her on any earlier visit to
Disneyland. Tears ensued when I offered to do so.
When Jayn was a baby, we sometimes asked family members for the money for
her bank account (actually a Mutual Fund).
Below is part of a post that I sent about toys last time this question was
active. There was a lot in that thread about some really creative storage
solutions also. The thread was actually called "Violent toys?" if your want
to search the archives.
Quote Begins:
<<<Now the only criteria I use for whether I will buy a toy are: 1/ Jayn
(4.5) has actually asked for it; 2/ We can afford it; 3/ We have the room
for it in our apartment. (She can hardly wait for a new room so she can have
a dolls' house). *All* her toys are learning tools, and the issue of quality
has been one that I have also let go of. For example, I was only interested
in getting her nice paints and real bristle paintbrushes. She asked for the
really cheap little watercolor trays that come with coloring books, and
likes using those awful cheap brushes they come with to scrape on the paper,
along with her good brushes. She has often gotten just as much out of the
dolls that come with her Happy Meal, as she has out of her collectible
Barbies - and boy do I feel better about her pulling those ones apart to
turn them into puppets, or repainting their clothes different colors.
Actually I let go of my anxiety about her destroying any of her own things,
as long as she is doing it deliberately and mindfully - transformation not
destruction. I mean, if she is throwing something in a fury, I try to
prevent the damage since I know she will be sorry later, but if she is
cutting their hair knowing it won't grow back - well they are her things,
not mine. She also has a bunch of porcelain dolls, of which she is very
careful.
How does Jayn discover the toys she wants? TV, internet, catalogues,
browsing at stores, visiting friends, seeing some toy/tool Daddy has bought
for himself. Least successful: adults buying her some unseen or unasked for
toy and giving it to her as a surprise. Sometimes she gets downright angry
and insists we take it back to the store.
I have always disliked those electronic toys along the lines of Lets Pretend
Elmo (is that the right name?) that direct the child's play. I think
disliking them allowed me to feel superior somehow. Jayn solves that problem
with pretty much all the dolls she has that talk, by choosing to switch them
off. What a concept: she is in charge of her own playing and there is no
"right" way to use any of it! I can trust her to use all her stuff in ways
far beyond the instructions.>>>>
Further to this, we have just spent a charming afternoon repainting her
Fisher Price plastic farmhouse with what she evidently considers more
realistic colors.
Robyn L. Coburn
---
Outgoing mail is certified Virus Free.
Checked by AVG anti-virus system (http://www.grisoft.com).
Version: 6.0.721 / Virus Database: 477 - Release Date: 7/16/2004
Abigail C Aldrich
On Sat, 17 Jul 2004 22:39:02 EDT tuckervill2@... writes:
leaving the receiver empty. I've seen this as my nieces and nephews have
grown. The orgy of toys that really don't have anything to do with their
interests translates into the feeling that the giver didn't really think
about the child. Where my 11 yo niece used to just not play with the
toys she didn't like, she now confides in me that she feels like grandma
is trying to buy her love or apologize for things with gifts. It's
wonderful that she sees this on her own, and I know my kids will get
there too, but maybe that's the real root of my issue with all these
toys. Wow, therapeutic. ;)
Abby
________________________________________________________________
The best thing to hit the Internet in years - Juno SpeedBand!
Surf the Web up to FIVE TIMES FASTER!
Only $14.95/ month - visit www.juno.com to sign up today!
> I'm completely against the kind of toy-giving you're talking about.I know. The odd thing about these gifts is that they really end up
> How
> about a little thought for the receiver? How about a little
> relationship to get
> to know what the kid is all about? Can't buy love.
leaving the receiver empty. I've seen this as my nieces and nephews have
grown. The orgy of toys that really don't have anything to do with their
interests translates into the feeling that the giver didn't really think
about the child. Where my 11 yo niece used to just not play with the
toys she didn't like, she now confides in me that she feels like grandma
is trying to buy her love or apologize for things with gifts. It's
wonderful that she sees this on her own, and I know my kids will get
there too, but maybe that's the real root of my issue with all these
toys. Wow, therapeutic. ;)
Abby
________________________________________________________________
The best thing to hit the Internet in years - Juno SpeedBand!
Surf the Web up to FIVE TIMES FASTER!
Only $14.95/ month - visit www.juno.com to sign up today!
[email protected]
In a message dated 7/17/2004 9:54:04 PM Mountain Daylight Time,
abbyaldrich1@... writes:
=========
You asked what other people had done. Don't be snarky when you get honest
answers.
-=-> If your relatives live nearby and have a bigger house, maybe you
Are you suggesting all the other ideas were no good? (Maybe that's not what
you meant by "finally.")
There are other people who are reading who might be helped, in any case, but
when you come to a place where people are willing to help you free, you should
be nicer, in my opinion. And darned if my opinion doesn't count.
Just because a child can read doesn't mean she can't learn things you haven't
even iagined from toys played with in ways you might not recommend.
Unschooling is deeply, profoundly different from school and school at home.
Toys are good things.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
abbyaldrich1@... writes:
> We got a bigger house.Good for you, but that's really not an option for us.
=========
You asked what other people had done. Don't be snarky when you get honest
answers.
-=-> If your relatives live nearby and have a bigger house, maybe you
> could ask-=-Finally, this is a really good idea to help with this problem. -=-
> them to store the off-season toys,
Are you suggesting all the other ideas were no good? (Maybe that's not what
you meant by "finally.")
There are other people who are reading who might be helped, in any case, but
when you come to a place where people are willing to help you free, you should
be nicer, in my opinion. And darned if my opinion doesn't count.
Just because a child can read doesn't mean she can't learn things you haven't
even iagined from toys played with in ways you might not recommend.
Unschooling is deeply, profoundly different from school and school at home.
Toys are good things.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sylvia Toyama
Maybe your mil and the others who want to spend alot of money would be happy to buy some activity -- say 2 months worth of dance, or horseback riding lessons, or karate, or whatever it is your kid would be interested in trying, or already do.
My inlaws have offered to pay for things like karate or little league, because they really think those are beneficial for the kids and know we can't always afford it. Dh is an only child and my fil planned retirement well enough that they can easily afford to buy the kids extras -- and it brings them joy. We explain to the kids that such & such is a gift from G'pa and G'ma, which also gives them something to talk about when they speak to their grandparents.
Syl
******
My mother and MIL will easily spend $200 per kid per birthday. I don't even want to know what they spend at Christmas. I just think it's a bit much. I'm all for the sentimentality of knowing that Grandma gave them such and such, but isn't there room for
that with limits?
Also, it's the relatives that spend the most who seem to not care what the kids are "into."
---------------------------------
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
My inlaws have offered to pay for things like karate or little league, because they really think those are beneficial for the kids and know we can't always afford it. Dh is an only child and my fil planned retirement well enough that they can easily afford to buy the kids extras -- and it brings them joy. We explain to the kids that such & such is a gift from G'pa and G'ma, which also gives them something to talk about when they speak to their grandparents.
Syl
******
My mother and MIL will easily spend $200 per kid per birthday. I don't even want to know what they spend at Christmas. I just think it's a bit much. I'm all for the sentimentality of knowing that Grandma gave them such and such, but isn't there room for
that with limits?
Also, it's the relatives that spend the most who seem to not care what the kids are "into."
---------------------------------
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Robyn Coburn
<<<Also, it's the relatives that spend the most who seem to not care what
the kids are "into." >>>
This is an idea that is nagging at me. I want to say that it can't be the
responsibility of relatives, especially geographically distant ones, to know
what the kids are into, without receiving that information somehow from you
or the kids themselves. Are they getting enthusiastic, joyful letters or
phone calls about the cool stuff the kids and you are all doing?
Sometimes it is hard to talk to disapproving relatives about Unschooling. Is
this part of the problem? If so it is an issue that gets canvassed here
quite a lot, and there may be ideas in that area also.
Do they sense your disapproval of their past gifts, and so communication has
already been damaged?
Or do they genuinely not care, but are just sending mass quantities of
expensive gifts for forms sake? (Ask for the money instead??)
Robyn L. Coburn
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the kids are "into." >>>
This is an idea that is nagging at me. I want to say that it can't be the
responsibility of relatives, especially geographically distant ones, to know
what the kids are into, without receiving that information somehow from you
or the kids themselves. Are they getting enthusiastic, joyful letters or
phone calls about the cool stuff the kids and you are all doing?
Sometimes it is hard to talk to disapproving relatives about Unschooling. Is
this part of the problem? If so it is an issue that gets canvassed here
quite a lot, and there may be ideas in that area also.
Do they sense your disapproval of their past gifts, and so communication has
already been damaged?
Or do they genuinely not care, but are just sending mass quantities of
expensive gifts for forms sake? (Ask for the money instead??)
Robyn L. Coburn
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pam sorooshian
On Jul 17, 2004, at 8:51 PM, Abigail C Aldrich wrote:
entirely devoted to things for her grandchildren - toys, blocks, art
supplies, puzzles, games, dolls....
She also collected picture books and had a fantastic collection. It was
the hardest - most painful - thing to divide up after she died - my 2
sisters and I sat on the floor in her living room and carried out one
stack after another of picture books and just took turns each picking
one. None of us has young children anymore - but all of us intend to
carry on the tradition started by our mother of collecting picture
books and spending hours and hours reading to our grandchildren from
them.
-pam
National Home Education Network
<www.NHEN.org>
Serving the entire homeschooling community since 1999
through information, networking and public relations.
>> If your relatives live nearby and have a bigger house, maybe youMy mom had a closet - a full-size closet in a little tiny house -
>> could ask
>> them to store the off-season toys,
>
> Finally, this is a really good idea to help with this problem. Maybe
> that will make them see that we really do have a problem with storing
> all
> of these toys. They only see the toys that are currently being played
> with; they never see the tubs and tubs that are overflowing our
> closets.
>
>
entirely devoted to things for her grandchildren - toys, blocks, art
supplies, puzzles, games, dolls....
She also collected picture books and had a fantastic collection. It was
the hardest - most painful - thing to divide up after she died - my 2
sisters and I sat on the floor in her living room and carried out one
stack after another of picture books and just took turns each picking
one. None of us has young children anymore - but all of us intend to
carry on the tradition started by our mother of collecting picture
books and spending hours and hours reading to our grandchildren from
them.
-pam
National Home Education Network
<www.NHEN.org>
Serving the entire homeschooling community since 1999
through information, networking and public relations.
Dawn Adams
Abby writes:
I just think it's a bit much. I'm all for the sentimentality
of knowing that Grandma gave them such and such, but isn't there room for
that with limits?
Also, it's the relatives that spend the most who seem to not care what
the kids are "into." They're usually just going down the toy aisles
chucking things into the cart with nobody in particular in mind.
My dad buys everybody a book and writes inside it, "I thought you might
like this because of x,y,z...Grandpa," usually along with a simple toy
that he buys with them in mind. I think that's going to mean more to
them in 20 years than all of the crap that the other relatives buy.
So, I should keep accumulating thousands of dollars worth of toys every
year because some day they *might* learn from all of them? We don't have
enough room in our house for that. Has anybody here struggled with the
space issue when it comes to too much accumulation? If so, what have you
done about it?
It hasn't been an issue until this year. Now it's just
too cramped here and I am overwhelmed with the amount of toys we have. I
am also overwhelmed at the thought of getting so many more in the next
month. It seriously stresses me out. I'm not trying to take fun away
from my children, but there has to be a happy medium. We can not
continue to accumulate toys at this rate. I appreciate the advice about
being happy that we have people who want to give them things, and I'm
sorry for those of you who don't have anybody, but I think this is a
different issue. We're not talking about a few well-chosen gifts.
I DO know the feeling of dreading Xmas because of all the work I'll have to do to fit everything in. But it always does fit. Granted, every room in the house has toys somewhere. Oh, but there's one advantage to lots of stuff that I've noticed. It's that my kids can recognize that some of it doesn't have any value and so it can be given away. The idea of a few special toys sounds good (I bought it for ahwile) but can give material possessions a weight they might not deserve.
Dawn (in NS)
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I just think it's a bit much. I'm all for the sentimentality
of knowing that Grandma gave them such and such, but isn't there room for
that with limits?
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Probably, but in an interaction between a child and another person why are you the one that gets to impose them? I had the same problem but realized I don't get to step in to tell others what to do in a matter that has little to do with me.
Also, it's the relatives that spend the most who seem to not care what
the kids are "into." They're usually just going down the toy aisles
chucking things into the cart with nobody in particular in mind.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Could you offer to go shopping with them? Or throw them ideas? Sometimes those people buy any old thing because they don't have a clue and might appreciate it if you offered some help. It's their right to refuse of course.
My dad buys everybody a book and writes inside it, "I thought you might
like this because of x,y,z...Grandpa," usually along with a simple toy
that he buys with them in mind. I think that's going to mean more to
them in 20 years than all of the crap that the other relatives buy.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>That's what you think but it's not what may be true. Your kids will have their own ideas about that. I have great childhood memories of crappy toys that were likely bought with little thought.
So, I should keep accumulating thousands of dollars worth of toys every
year because some day they *might* learn from all of them? We don't have
enough room in our house for that. Has anybody here struggled with the
space issue when it comes to too much accumulation? If so, what have you
done about it?
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Our house is under 800 sq. feet. The toys are not confined to one room but are part of the whole..um..decor? I sort it all. One rubbermaid tub for Barbies, another for small animal toys. No puzzle stays in its box but gets dumped in a ziplock bag with the picture cut out. I have one bucket for dinkies, one for Transformers (my DH's old ones and my daughter LOVES these). I know we have too much because I have to rearrange everything when a new toy comes into the house. My livingroom looks like a rec room. But, I can't get rid of this stuff. It's not mine.
It hasn't been an issue until this year. Now it's just
too cramped here and I am overwhelmed with the amount of toys we have. I
am also overwhelmed at the thought of getting so many more in the next
month. It seriously stresses me out. I'm not trying to take fun away
from my children, but there has to be a happy medium. We can not
continue to accumulate toys at this rate. I appreciate the advice about
being happy that we have people who want to give them things, and I'm
sorry for those of you who don't have anybody, but I think this is a
different issue. We're not talking about a few well-chosen gifts.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>You need to share this with the gift givers if they're open to it. Another thing...would some like to give gifts like annual museum r zoo passes? Magazine subscriptions?
I DO know the feeling of dreading Xmas because of all the work I'll have to do to fit everything in. But it always does fit. Granted, every room in the house has toys somewhere. Oh, but there's one advantage to lots of stuff that I've noticed. It's that my kids can recognize that some of it doesn't have any value and so it can be given away. The idea of a few special toys sounds good (I bought it for ahwile) but can give material possessions a weight they might not deserve.
Dawn (in NS)
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Dawn Adams
-=-Has anybody here struggled with the
space issue when it comes to too much accumulation? If so, what have you
done about it? -=-
Sandra writes:
We got a bigger house.
Dawn (in NS)
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
space issue when it comes to too much accumulation? If so, what have you
done about it? -=-
Sandra writes:
We got a bigger house.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Ha! We're refinancing this summer and repairing and renovating the basement so it's liveable (and so the many rodents, large and small, no longer use it to winter in) I KNOW the basement would not be the top priority if we weren't unschooling. But I can't wait. I'm dreaming of wide open space to race around in, several different TV's and gaming systems, old mattresses thrown down to wrestle on...Fun is my top priority in renovations now. :)
Dawn (in NS)
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 7/18/2004 12:16:31 AM Eastern Standard Time,
abbyaldrich1@... writes:
they'll fit. Eventually stuff will be outgrown and we give it away. And there's
always eBay!!! Like I said before, have a yard sale and let the girls "make
money".
How do YOUR kids feel about the toys? Are they overwhelmed but lovin' it?
Is it just you that has the problem with space and such? Would you feel guilty
giving the gifts away cuz your kids will go nuts if they lose one thing?
I would just talk to the gift givers and tell them that you and the kids are
ovewhelmed with the toys but would absolutely love tickets and things like
that to events or whatever.
This past year I was talking to my mom and she wanted to know what the kids
would enjoy for X-mas and I knew they would be getting stuff from all over and
suddenly I came up with season passes to Busch Gardens/Water Country. It's
expensive for us but we manage each year, but what a great idea for grandma and
grandpa to give and it helps us too. So we have a gift that will last nearly
8 months and both kids love to go and they can't wait to tell the g-parent's
what they did on this visit or that visit. Do you have anything like that
nearby that you enjoy but don't want to have to pay for?
Pamela
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
abbyaldrich1@... writes:
> Where my 11 yo niece used to just not play with the--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
> toys she didn't like, she now confides in me that she feels like grandma
> is trying to buy her love or apologize for things with gifts.
>
> Sometimes that happens because they are not in their lives very much. TellI have the same problem with space. Right now, we just put them wherever
> the kids that. Tell them that, "Grandma or whoever was thinking about you
> and chose gifts she/he thought you'd be interested in because they don't see
> you much and wanted to get you something."
they'll fit. Eventually stuff will be outgrown and we give it away. And there's
always eBay!!! Like I said before, have a yard sale and let the girls "make
money".
How do YOUR kids feel about the toys? Are they overwhelmed but lovin' it?
Is it just you that has the problem with space and such? Would you feel guilty
giving the gifts away cuz your kids will go nuts if they lose one thing?
I would just talk to the gift givers and tell them that you and the kids are
ovewhelmed with the toys but would absolutely love tickets and things like
that to events or whatever.
This past year I was talking to my mom and she wanted to know what the kids
would enjoy for X-mas and I knew they would be getting stuff from all over and
suddenly I came up with season passes to Busch Gardens/Water Country. It's
expensive for us but we manage each year, but what a great idea for grandma and
grandpa to give and it helps us too. So we have a gift that will last nearly
8 months and both kids love to go and they can't wait to tell the g-parent's
what they did on this visit or that visit. Do you have anything like that
nearby that you enjoy but don't want to have to pay for?
Pamela
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 7/18/2004 12:52:56 AM Eastern Standard Time,
SandraDodd@... writes:
Maybe that's why we don't mind the piles of goodies, we ALL enjoy them. I
don't know what I'd do without some of my childhood stuff. And I'm pretty sure
it just wouldn't a great day without building with LEGOS at least once :o)
Pamela
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
SandraDodd@... writes:
> Toys are good things.Toys are EXCELLENT things. I still love them. My hubby REALLY loves them.
Maybe that's why we don't mind the piles of goodies, we ALL enjoy them. I
don't know what I'd do without some of my childhood stuff. And I'm pretty sure
it just wouldn't a great day without building with LEGOS at least once :o)
Pamela
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
J. Stauffer
<<<<<< -=-Has anybody here struggled with the
with "stuff." What is amazing to me is that the kids rarely play with it.
They play with each other. Right now, one kid is at a shoot with his dad.
One is spending the week with a friend. One is feeding the deer some corn
and the other two are dragging each other around in circles by their legs.
Talk to your kids. What do they want to do with their stuff? Do they want
to see about storing it? Do they want to make "wish lists" for relatives?
Do they want to have a garage sale? Do they want to see about donating
some? Do they want to see about keeping some at grandma's?
I think you can come to a solution you all can live with. The thing is it
is YOUR house too so you shouldn't have to live your life with
claustrophobia due to the accumulation of stuff. But it ISN'T your stuff.
It belongs to wonderful little kids that you love and want to be happy.
Look for a balance. Look outside the box.
julie S.
> space issue when it comes to too much accumulation? If so, what have youWe have a big house, over 3300 sq ft. It still gets stuffed to the gills
> done about it? -=-
>
> We got a bigger house.>>>>>
with "stuff." What is amazing to me is that the kids rarely play with it.
They play with each other. Right now, one kid is at a shoot with his dad.
One is spending the week with a friend. One is feeding the deer some corn
and the other two are dragging each other around in circles by their legs.
Talk to your kids. What do they want to do with their stuff? Do they want
to see about storing it? Do they want to make "wish lists" for relatives?
Do they want to have a garage sale? Do they want to see about donating
some? Do they want to see about keeping some at grandma's?
I think you can come to a solution you all can live with. The thing is it
is YOUR house too so you shouldn't have to live your life with
claustrophobia due to the accumulation of stuff. But it ISN'T your stuff.
It belongs to wonderful little kids that you love and want to be happy.
Look for a balance. Look outside the box.
julie S.
----- Original Message -----
From: <SandraDodd@...>
To: <[email protected]>
Sent: Saturday, July 17, 2004 7:20 PM
Subject: Re: [UnschoolingDiscussion] Intro/Gift Questions
> In a message dated 7/17/2004 5:31:01 PM Mountain Daylight Time,
> abbyaldrich1@... writes:
> My dad buys everybody a book and writes inside it, "I thought you might
> like this because of x,y,z...Grandpa," usually along with a simple toy
> that he buys with them in mind. I think that's going to mean more to
> them in 20 years than all of the crap that the other relatives buy.
> =======
>
> Well then you should emulate your dad when you give gifts.
>
> But it might be worth considering multiple intelligences. A kid who loves
> sports and is good at kinesthetic activities but not verbal might think a
book
> is the biggest waste of money and space of all time. And conversely, to
give a
> bookish kid a football because the giver thinks the kid should get out and
> play instead of reading is not a good gift.
>
> Your children are one and four and they don't need books as much as they
need
> toys.
>
> -=- I just think it's a bit much. I'm all for the sentimentality
> of knowing that Grandma gave them such and such, but isn't there room for
> that with limits? -=-
>
> You mean can't you call the shots?
> No.
> Do you want your kids telling you what you can give your grandchildren?
>
>
> -=-So, I should keep accumulating thousands of dollars worth of toys every
> year because some day they *might* learn from all of them? -=-
>
> If you already know the answer and just wanted us to agree, you asked the
> wrong list.
>
> -=-Has anybody here struggled with the
> space issue when it comes to too much accumulation? If so, what have you
> done about it? -=-
>
> We got a bigger house.
>
> -=- I am also overwhelmed at the thought of getting so many more in the
next
> month. It seriously stresses me out. -=-
>
> Breathe deep breaths, think lovely thoughts, and figure out how to NOT be
> seriously stressed out, for the sake of your kids. Causing friction
between you
> and their grandchildren is not a way to lessen the stress.
>
> If your relatives live nearby and have a bigger house, maybe you could ask
> them to store the off-season toys, or the cycled-out-for-now toys, and
every few
> months you could trade some boxes in and out from them.
>
> Sandra
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
>
>
> "List Posting Policies" are provided in the files area of this group.
>
> Visit the Unschooling website and message boards:
http://www.unschooling.com
> Yahoo! Groups Links
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
pam sorooshian
On Jul 17, 2004, at 5:07 PM, rubyprincesstsg@... wrote:
ordered around - we'd not be going to a party if I got an invitation
like that in the mail - telling me to "pick out one special gift
carefully." That gave me the exact feeling I was talking about in the
other post - of being told to do something I'm already doing or
planning to do or know I should do. Instead of giving a gift being
something I do, my own way, because I choose to do it - suddenly it
sounds like a duty and obligation and assignment and that I'm going to
be evaluated on how good a job I do.
-pam
National Home Education Network
<www.NHEN.org>
Serving the entire homeschooling community since 1999
through information, networking and public relations.
> If you send out invitations you might make a note that asks them toTying this into the post I sent about being resistant to feeling
> pick out
> one special gift carefully and if they would like, you are also asking
> that
> anything over one gift be brought so your child can take and donate it
> to a
> homeless or battered women's shelter or a child in a group home or
> something of
> the sort.
ordered around - we'd not be going to a party if I got an invitation
like that in the mail - telling me to "pick out one special gift
carefully." That gave me the exact feeling I was talking about in the
other post - of being told to do something I'm already doing or
planning to do or know I should do. Instead of giving a gift being
something I do, my own way, because I choose to do it - suddenly it
sounds like a duty and obligation and assignment and that I'm going to
be evaluated on how good a job I do.
-pam
National Home Education Network
<www.NHEN.org>
Serving the entire homeschooling community since 1999
through information, networking and public relations.
[email protected]
Toys are EXCELLENT things. I still love them. My hubby REALLY loves them.
Maybe that's why we don't mind the piles of goodies, we ALL enjoy them. I
don't know what I'd do without some of my childhood stuff. And I'm pretty
sure
it just wouldn't a great day without building with LEGOS at least once :o)
-----------------
Yesterday I was straightening up the library (which has mostly books, and
gaming stuff, but also some toys that need space, and that adults like). We have
three sets of marble works and a hot-chocolate can full of marbles. I
vacuumed a whole end of the room for visiting kids to play with those. (I kept some
kids while their parents went to see Spiderman.)
I took Kirby's gaming stuff carefully off the table up there and put out the
Spanish castle blocks. I undid some structures, but left a couple of tricky
things (how a window fits into a tower) and put the papers/booklets out, but
that didn't get played with. It's still there. I imagine Marty or the next
teens or young men who come by will find it irresistable.
When do people "outgrow' realistic castle blocks?
I think our first problem with those will come when it's time to decide which
grown child inherits them.
We have a wooden rocking horse puzzle someone made with a band saw out of 2"
thick wood, and stained the pieces afterward. It's flat but when it's put
together it can stand up and rock.
Kirby got it when he was too little to work it, from his grandparents. But
it's a beautiful thing, and it comes out from time to time and now the kids all
know how to do it and find it easy. (Not all pices fit together from the
same side, so it's a bit tricky.) It's apiece of art, and I would pack it
carefully and stick it in a shed before I would give it away or sell it. It's
Kirby's.
Maybe packrats have an easier time with unschooling, and maybe not. I think
if someone lived sparsely, more trips out to see, hear, touch, play, taste,
and smell would be necessary. My kids really like being home, more than I
thought they would. More than I did when I was their ages.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Maybe that's why we don't mind the piles of goodies, we ALL enjoy them. I
don't know what I'd do without some of my childhood stuff. And I'm pretty
sure
it just wouldn't a great day without building with LEGOS at least once :o)
-----------------
Yesterday I was straightening up the library (which has mostly books, and
gaming stuff, but also some toys that need space, and that adults like). We have
three sets of marble works and a hot-chocolate can full of marbles. I
vacuumed a whole end of the room for visiting kids to play with those. (I kept some
kids while their parents went to see Spiderman.)
I took Kirby's gaming stuff carefully off the table up there and put out the
Spanish castle blocks. I undid some structures, but left a couple of tricky
things (how a window fits into a tower) and put the papers/booklets out, but
that didn't get played with. It's still there. I imagine Marty or the next
teens or young men who come by will find it irresistable.
When do people "outgrow' realistic castle blocks?
I think our first problem with those will come when it's time to decide which
grown child inherits them.
We have a wooden rocking horse puzzle someone made with a band saw out of 2"
thick wood, and stained the pieces afterward. It's flat but when it's put
together it can stand up and rock.
Kirby got it when he was too little to work it, from his grandparents. But
it's a beautiful thing, and it comes out from time to time and now the kids all
know how to do it and find it easy. (Not all pices fit together from the
same side, so it's a bit tricky.) It's apiece of art, and I would pack it
carefully and stick it in a shed before I would give it away or sell it. It's
Kirby's.
Maybe packrats have an easier time with unschooling, and maybe not. I think
if someone lived sparsely, more trips out to see, hear, touch, play, taste,
and smell would be necessary. My kids really like being home, more than I
thought they would. More than I did when I was their ages.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]