the opinions of others
[email protected]
In a message dated 6/25/04 11:05:12 AM, MomandMe2@... writes:
<< I've often been criticized, lectured, and sneered at for what I believe,
but
rarely let it effect me. But the funny thing is, many of the people who have
done this, eventually tell me that my children are considerably "brighter,"
and "more socially well behaved" than the majority of other kids they have
come
across. >>
That happens with our family too.
The same people who thought we were clueless when our kids were young now
GUSH about them, and I feel like The Little Red Hen.
Generally I hate the story of The Little Red Hen. I get it, but it seems
harsh and cold.
But when people who were once close with us but who fell away and were snarky
when our kids were six now go all glowy about how great they are as teens, I
feel like saying "You could've seen this unfold if you hadn't been so
pointedly looking the other way and badmouthing us, so shove off."
But that's just me, and my immediate loaf of bread, as it were.
What I DO feel good about in those instances is that those same formerly
judgmental others (many of them childless, some who would have liked to have had
children but couldn't/didn't) will be much MORE accepting of the next
attachment parenting or unschooling family they come across.
What bugs me is when they try to get in for the photo-op (if there were one,
you know what I mean) by saying, "OH, I've known Kirby since he was born!" or
"I used to babysit Marty" like that gives them partial credit for the success.
I've never been mean to them but I've thought negative thoughts about it.
Sandra
<< I've often been criticized, lectured, and sneered at for what I believe,
but
rarely let it effect me. But the funny thing is, many of the people who have
done this, eventually tell me that my children are considerably "brighter,"
and "more socially well behaved" than the majority of other kids they have
come
across. >>
That happens with our family too.
The same people who thought we were clueless when our kids were young now
GUSH about them, and I feel like The Little Red Hen.
Generally I hate the story of The Little Red Hen. I get it, but it seems
harsh and cold.
But when people who were once close with us but who fell away and were snarky
when our kids were six now go all glowy about how great they are as teens, I
feel like saying "You could've seen this unfold if you hadn't been so
pointedly looking the other way and badmouthing us, so shove off."
But that's just me, and my immediate loaf of bread, as it were.
What I DO feel good about in those instances is that those same formerly
judgmental others (many of them childless, some who would have liked to have had
children but couldn't/didn't) will be much MORE accepting of the next
attachment parenting or unschooling family they come across.
What bugs me is when they try to get in for the photo-op (if there were one,
you know what I mean) by saying, "OH, I've known Kirby since he was born!" or
"I used to babysit Marty" like that gives them partial credit for the success.
I've never been mean to them but I've thought negative thoughts about it.
Sandra
Marie
I can say that no one, not family or friends, have fallen away because they
didn't agree with our lifestyle. We gets "tsk, tsk" and other comments but
we are basically supported(no one knows we are unschooling though, they
think we do "sit down work" but I still believe we wouldn't lose any friends
over it) How sad that your family was treated that way! And then they want
to get in on the glory when it turns out your kids turned out so well! The
nerve...
Marie
-----Original Message-----
From: SandraDodd@... [mailto:SandraDodd@...]
Sent: Friday, June 25, 2004 2:48 PM
To: [email protected]
Subject: [UnschoolingDiscussion] the opinions of others
But when people who were once close with us but who fell away and were
snarky
when our kids were six now go all glowy about how great they are as teens, I
feel like saying "You could've seen this unfold if you hadn't been so
pointedly looking the other way and badmouthing us, so shove off."
didn't agree with our lifestyle. We gets "tsk, tsk" and other comments but
we are basically supported(no one knows we are unschooling though, they
think we do "sit down work" but I still believe we wouldn't lose any friends
over it) How sad that your family was treated that way! And then they want
to get in on the glory when it turns out your kids turned out so well! The
nerve...
Marie
-----Original Message-----
From: SandraDodd@... [mailto:SandraDodd@...]
Sent: Friday, June 25, 2004 2:48 PM
To: [email protected]
Subject: [UnschoolingDiscussion] the opinions of others
But when people who were once close with us but who fell away and were
snarky
when our kids were six now go all glowy about how great they are as teens, I
feel like saying "You could've seen this unfold if you hadn't been so
pointedly looking the other way and badmouthing us, so shove off."
[email protected]
In a message dated 6/25/04 2:52:33 PM Eastern Daylight Time,
SandraDodd@... writes:
though, and let it second guess my beliefs, but over the past nine years, I've
come to the conclusion that it doesn't matter. My children are what they are,
and they are GOOD people. I don't necessarily take full credit for it, but I
do realize that the fact that I let them be who they are, is what gives them
the confidence to continue. Of course I try to stress good behavior in them,
but my manner in doing this is to talk to them. Talk to them about feelings,
talk to them about cause/effect. Such as... when you do 'abc', what do you
think happens and who do you think it happens too? Why do you think things
happens that way? It helps them keep aware that the things they do and say can and
do have direct effects to others around them.
Rather than hollowly saying things such as "Don't talk that way, or, don't do
that" I just imagine they are thinking "Don't talk what way? All I said is
*********" Know what I mean??? I just have vivid memories of feeling those
ways when I was a kid. From before I ever had children, I always felt I want
them to know and feel that they are people too, not some alien life forms known
as children, who magically *turn* humans at the age of 18!!!!
If this thought and life style brings criticism from others...well, so be it.
Emily
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
SandraDodd@... writes:
> I've never been mean to them but I've thought negative thoughts about it.I'm never mean either. In the beginning, I would really let it get to me
>
> Sandra
>
though, and let it second guess my beliefs, but over the past nine years, I've
come to the conclusion that it doesn't matter. My children are what they are,
and they are GOOD people. I don't necessarily take full credit for it, but I
do realize that the fact that I let them be who they are, is what gives them
the confidence to continue. Of course I try to stress good behavior in them,
but my manner in doing this is to talk to them. Talk to them about feelings,
talk to them about cause/effect. Such as... when you do 'abc', what do you
think happens and who do you think it happens too? Why do you think things
happens that way? It helps them keep aware that the things they do and say can and
do have direct effects to others around them.
Rather than hollowly saying things such as "Don't talk that way, or, don't do
that" I just imagine they are thinking "Don't talk what way? All I said is
*********" Know what I mean??? I just have vivid memories of feeling those
ways when I was a kid. From before I ever had children, I always felt I want
them to know and feel that they are people too, not some alien life forms known
as children, who magically *turn* humans at the age of 18!!!!
If this thought and life style brings criticism from others...well, so be it.
Emily
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Tosca
I had the best thing happen to me a while back;
A friend at the time came to live with me and after watching from the
inside full time how I parent my daughter she said this "I used to
think when interacting with your daughter that if only you would do
this or that she wouldn't do some of the things I found annoying. I
assumed you were letting her get away with things and that's why she
did them or if you did what I thought you should she would change.
But now living with you I see how much you parent and how much work
you are doing."
I was surprised that anyone I knew might have been judging my life
(ok silly naive me), appreciative that she had at least kept her
opinions to herself before hand, and thrilled that having gotten
closer to us she had seen with her own eyes what she needed to see
all without any input from me.
I sometimes feel sorry for people who judge or put down others but
mostly I just feel secure in the fact that I am doing what is right
for me each step of the way wether others understand that/me or not.
A friend at the time came to live with me and after watching from the
inside full time how I parent my daughter she said this "I used to
think when interacting with your daughter that if only you would do
this or that she wouldn't do some of the things I found annoying. I
assumed you were letting her get away with things and that's why she
did them or if you did what I thought you should she would change.
But now living with you I see how much you parent and how much work
you are doing."
I was surprised that anyone I knew might have been judging my life
(ok silly naive me), appreciative that she had at least kept her
opinions to herself before hand, and thrilled that having gotten
closer to us she had seen with her own eyes what she needed to see
all without any input from me.
I sometimes feel sorry for people who judge or put down others but
mostly I just feel secure in the fact that I am doing what is right
for me each step of the way wether others understand that/me or not.
--- In [email protected], SandraDodd@a... wrote:
The same people who thought we were clueless when our kids were young
now GUSH about them,.........