[email protected]

When I was a kid, if there was something on my plate that I didn't like I'd
have to sit there until it was done. No matter if it would make me sick or it
was cold or if I really, really hated it.

I think those times when that would happen and I would try to sneak it to the
dogs or wrap it in a napkin, etc., that's when I would feel ashamed for being
sneaky and it ended up being a crappy day or night.

With my kids, I don't choose how much or when or what. Kids are born knowing
what they need and when, and mine are still pretty much self limiting. I can
lay out an entire bowl of something they love but when they are done, they
are done. I think this is because they know it isn't a one time thing. The
option is always there to enjoy things, so they don't gorge when something is out
that they love. When they are full, they're full. We are by no means rich
and the stuff they like isn't always here but they have other things and know
more is coming soon.

They only thing I've ever asked of the two of them (6 and 2.5) is that they
try things. I don't make them but I ask that they do it. My little one was
always interested in bagels and cream cheese and I'd ask if he'd like to try it
and he would say, "eewww yukky, NO" and run away. I knew he'd probably enjoy
it but he had to do it on his terms and he finally asked to try it and LOVES
them.

In the back of my mind I feel like maybe sometimes future weight problems and
eating disorders can come from the stress of controlled eating as a child.

Are there any thoughts on that?

I look at my young children everyday and I am amazed at how they choose for
themselves what they need and/or express openly what they'd like.

It's like when they are born and we provide for them the breast or bottle at
any time, why would that change? They know then what they want. When table
foods are introduced and peas or something gets spit out, usually they're not
given again for a while because it's obvious that the baby doesn't like it. So
why, when a child is a bit older, when a parent or adult assumes NOW the
child can understand or be told what to do, that they force these foods? Is it
control? A friend of mine has been trying desperately to get her new 3 week
old baby on a schedule and it flips me out. I can see wanting to maintain a
pre-baby life but it's just not possible after they are here. The baby is always
upset and so is she. She is not yet working again and may not return at all.
How can I help her make this easier? She is stubborn about the schedule
thing but I have told her he'll have his own schedule and you follow that. She
doesn't want to feed on demand and is ready to go to the bottle and formula
now. I said that'll be more hassle with the cleaning of bottles and preparing
the formula, not to mention breast is best for them both.

Pamela




[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Elizabeth Hill

**She
doesn't want to feed on demand and is ready to go to the bottle and formula
now. I said that'll be more hassle with the cleaning of bottles and
preparing
the formula, not to mention breast is best for them both.**

Warn her the poop of formula fed babies smells about 6 times worse than
the poop of exclusively breastfed babies. I'm not making this up. My
infant wasn't gaining weight and I ended up supplementing for awhile,
and the smell of the formula-fed poop is truly repulsive.

Betsy

christy_imnotred

--- In [email protected], b229d655@c... wrote:
A friend of mine has been trying desperately to get her new 3 week
> old baby on a schedule and it flips me out. I can see wanting to
maintain a
> pre-baby life but it's just not possible after they are here. The
baby is always
> upset and so is she. She is not yet working again and may not
return at all.
> How can I help her make this easier? She is stubborn about the
schedule
> thing but I have told her he'll have his own schedule and you
follow that. She
> doesn't want to feed on demand and is ready to go to the bottle and
formula
> now. I said that'll be more hassle with the cleaning of bottles
and preparing
> the formula, not to mention breast is best for them both.
>
> Pamela
>

Give her a copy of the Baby Book by Sears. Or one of the LLL books.
She is obviously reading some book (or listening to people) that is
telling her babies need to be on a schedule. Maybe by giving her
opposing information also from experts she will see that putting a
baby on a schedule isn't the way to go.

Christy O
>

Kristi

> A friend of mine has been trying desperately to get her new 3
week
> > old baby on a schedule and it flips me out. I can see wanting
to
> maintain a
> > pre-baby life but it's just not possible after they are here.
The
> baby is always
> > upset and so is she. She is not yet working again and may not
> return at all.
> > How can I help her make this easier?

OK, not technically an unschooling topic but if she is unschooling
older children it becomes an unschooling-related issue? Am I right
in thinking this (moderators)?

I think the way to help others parent in a more gentle respectful
was is to support them in a kind and as much as possible
nonjudgemental way. American culture is loud and hard to turn your
back on; obviously right now it's what she's hearing. I tend to
tune out people who "tell me" to do something, but take gentle and
constructive suggestions to heart. Having a new baby is
overwhelming, and it's a lot to ask somebody to buck the "experts"
that havew shaped mainstream mothering. There are lots of ways to
support and guide a friend (perhaps imagine how you might try to
steer you kids of a path you thought was hurting them or someone
else?)

Kristi