balance...was, highly sensitive people
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"I hear the kids out in the livingroom beginning to fight. Alisha
just asked me how much longer I'm going to be on the computer. Deep
breath...Gotta go try to find some kind of balance to this day!"
Wow Sheila. Your day sounds utterly draining to me. I think your children are learning to depend on you WAY too much. Which sounds opposite of my usual information giving, but there is a point at which a parent can create an overdependence by being TOO involved. I think it's really healthy for kids to muck with things on their own. I haven't had one child yet, that didn't enjoy puttering with some interesting items or objects at very young ages.
Water play, sand play,playdough, hot wheels, videos, tv, dress-up...you name it, my kids do these things and much more, on their own.
Even Jalen, who is just three, often sits and plays by himself or with one other sibling.
Schools create dependence by telling kids what to do, how to do it etc...
Is it possible that you are creating a similar dependency by not saying "Just a minute." or "I need to finish this and I'll be over there in 15 minutes" or something similar? I don't advocate ignoring a need, but there is this thing called balance, and from everything you've written, you don't have it.
You are taking responsibility for other people's feelings. Not wanting your child to feel sad, is taking responsibility for something you can't control. Trying to control it is not making for a healthy situation.
Your child will figure out ways to deal with a variety of emotions if you trust them to. It seems like you're saying sadness or boredom or other feelings are not ok, and you need to "fix" everyone.
You need to create an atmosphere that has the best potential for happiness, and then NOT take responsibility for how other people feel. You can help, you can assist, you can comfort, but you can not control their feelings.
Ultimately, it seems you may be stifling them by not setting healthy boundaries. And in the end, they will pick up on this behavior, and have a hard time setting their own boundaries.
My sister tends to take on too much responsiblity for other people's feelings...to a lesser degree, but I have seen this behavior up close.
Normally, I would say that if your child asks for you to be with them, they need you and you should respond.
I'm sort of stuck right now, because I feel like there's some sort of strange dependency going on, and my advice would be the opposite of what I usually advocate.
I'm not sure where to begin, but taking your own self seriously and loving yourself as much as you love others, might be a start.
You suffered an outrageous amount of emotional abuse as a child. That needs healing.
You are much more important than you're acting like. I think if you can find it within you, to really recognize your own worth as a human being, you might find it easier to feel like your own needs count too!!
Ren
Learn about unschooling at:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/unschoolingbasics/
just asked me how much longer I'm going to be on the computer. Deep
breath...Gotta go try to find some kind of balance to this day!"
Wow Sheila. Your day sounds utterly draining to me. I think your children are learning to depend on you WAY too much. Which sounds opposite of my usual information giving, but there is a point at which a parent can create an overdependence by being TOO involved. I think it's really healthy for kids to muck with things on their own. I haven't had one child yet, that didn't enjoy puttering with some interesting items or objects at very young ages.
Water play, sand play,playdough, hot wheels, videos, tv, dress-up...you name it, my kids do these things and much more, on their own.
Even Jalen, who is just three, often sits and plays by himself or with one other sibling.
Schools create dependence by telling kids what to do, how to do it etc...
Is it possible that you are creating a similar dependency by not saying "Just a minute." or "I need to finish this and I'll be over there in 15 minutes" or something similar? I don't advocate ignoring a need, but there is this thing called balance, and from everything you've written, you don't have it.
You are taking responsibility for other people's feelings. Not wanting your child to feel sad, is taking responsibility for something you can't control. Trying to control it is not making for a healthy situation.
Your child will figure out ways to deal with a variety of emotions if you trust them to. It seems like you're saying sadness or boredom or other feelings are not ok, and you need to "fix" everyone.
You need to create an atmosphere that has the best potential for happiness, and then NOT take responsibility for how other people feel. You can help, you can assist, you can comfort, but you can not control their feelings.
Ultimately, it seems you may be stifling them by not setting healthy boundaries. And in the end, they will pick up on this behavior, and have a hard time setting their own boundaries.
My sister tends to take on too much responsiblity for other people's feelings...to a lesser degree, but I have seen this behavior up close.
Normally, I would say that if your child asks for you to be with them, they need you and you should respond.
I'm sort of stuck right now, because I feel like there's some sort of strange dependency going on, and my advice would be the opposite of what I usually advocate.
I'm not sure where to begin, but taking your own self seriously and loving yourself as much as you love others, might be a start.
You suffered an outrageous amount of emotional abuse as a child. That needs healing.
You are much more important than you're acting like. I think if you can find it within you, to really recognize your own worth as a human being, you might find it easier to feel like your own needs count too!!
Ren
Learn about unschooling at:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/unschoolingbasics/