Need some gentle parenting help here
Ren
"I, of course, would explain why I didn't want the paper peeled off. (some
people don't explain things to little kids because they think they won't
understand. I don't get that.) "
It's not about understanding. It's about real life development. A very young child quickly mimics the adults and older people around them, so if everyone is pasting wallpaper and showing them that is the desired activitiy, they might copy that. BUT, it isn't possible for them to actually understand "right" from "wrong", or "respect for property" as some here seem to think. The intelligence of a child has to be weighed against developmental stages when you're trying to come up with workable solutions! A 3y.o. has an inborn desire to please, and that might deter them from doing something, but there is NO WAY they can internally say "I know that is someone elses property and I don't want to harm it".
I think lowering expectations is a GOOD thing. No expectations means you're open to the reality of the moment. Expectations only lead to problems when the expectation does not meet reality. Letting go of expectations does not mean I don't care about what my child does, it means I didn't have an expectation for them, so I can flex and respond to reality instead of what I WISH it were.
I do believe young children are highly intelligent, capable beings. They are incredible perceivers and very poor interpreters. It's our job to give them workable options until they can actually interpret a situation appropriately....and that isn't going to happen at 3.
Ren
"There is no way to
peace. Peace is the way."
~Quaker saying
people don't explain things to little kids because they think they won't
understand. I don't get that.) "
It's not about understanding. It's about real life development. A very young child quickly mimics the adults and older people around them, so if everyone is pasting wallpaper and showing them that is the desired activitiy, they might copy that. BUT, it isn't possible for them to actually understand "right" from "wrong", or "respect for property" as some here seem to think. The intelligence of a child has to be weighed against developmental stages when you're trying to come up with workable solutions! A 3y.o. has an inborn desire to please, and that might deter them from doing something, but there is NO WAY they can internally say "I know that is someone elses property and I don't want to harm it".
I think lowering expectations is a GOOD thing. No expectations means you're open to the reality of the moment. Expectations only lead to problems when the expectation does not meet reality. Letting go of expectations does not mean I don't care about what my child does, it means I didn't have an expectation for them, so I can flex and respond to reality instead of what I WISH it were.
I do believe young children are highly intelligent, capable beings. They are incredible perceivers and very poor interpreters. It's our job to give them workable options until they can actually interpret a situation appropriately....and that isn't going to happen at 3.
Ren
"There is no way to
peace. Peace is the way."
~Quaker saying