Alison Broadbent

That's so funny you should mention the, 'where did you get that red hair
from. I grew up w 3 red headed brothers and now have a red headed son. My
brothers all have brunettes or blondes. I suppose people are just wanting
to say something but it IS an odd thing to say. No one asks where someone
got their brown hair from. Once when my brother was about 3 someone asked
him if there were any redheads at home and he replied, yes, 2 headed
brothers, a redheaded dog and some redhead fish. Why not say, what great
hair. I wonder if there's some history involved w/ the question. Like in
the Middle ages, red hair was seen to be the work of the devil or something.
Sorry this is my my middle ( for me ) of the night musings.

Here's something I wonder about. Some times if I mention we're homeschooling
to strangers, they will gather themselves up several inches taller and tell
me why this is such a bad idea and they believe this and that. I think, had
I said I was sending them to Catholic school or a Jewish Orthodox school
which they might have thoughts about, they would never share those thoughts
thinking that's my personal preference. But someone this seems fair game.
Do others have that experience? And I wonder why that is. Maybe bc they
think that it really is a much better idea than they've got going and have
to defend against it. I find it a strange phenomenon.

Alison

Tiffany Tan

We get a lot of weird questions, but not because of red hair or adoption.
My dh is (mostly) Filipino, so both of my dds don't look much like me. I
have been asked if I'm the babysitter, where did they get those eyes, that
hair, etc. But, my all-time "favorite" question was a woman at the mall
asking me, "Did you give birth to her?" I don't think she *meant* to be
rude, but I can't imagine asking a complete stranger that!

Tiffany
tiftan@...


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Sylvia Toyama

Here's something I wonder about. Some times if I mention we're homeschooling to strangers, they will gather themselves up several inches taller and tell me why this is such a bad idea and they believe this and that.

****

I've never had anyone respond that way. Often, I hear about how they know someone who homeschools, or that it must be a lot of work (along with how they could never do that). Sometimes, the person asking turns out to be a homeschooler or considering homeschooling, and I get asked what curriculum we use, etc. Occasionally, they say nothing and some even wonder away without another word.

Not sure what I'd say if someone told me how bad and wrong it is to homeschool, but at my age and point in life, I'm guessing I wouldn't be especially gracious or kind. <g>

Syl


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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

<< Here's something I wonder about. Some times if I mention we're
homeschooling to strangers, they will gather themselves up several inches taller and tell
me why this is such a bad idea and they believe this and that. >>

I think it's just a "don't rock the boat" reaction on their part.
I've had it happen. The talisman I use (which isn't fair, but it works like
magic) is to say "Well, I used to be a teacher, and..." and the critic gets
small again and says, "Well, then, that's different."

If it's someone I care about or think I'll be dealing with in the future, I
go on to say it's not a teacher thing, it's a life-living thing, but if it's
just a passing whoever, I sometimes let it go there. They're deflated and don't
feel like they "won."

Sandra

[email protected]

In a message dated 5/23/2004 2:55:04 PM Eastern Daylight Time,
sylgt04@... writes:

> Here's something I wonder about. Some times if I mention we're
> homeschooling to strangers, they will gather themselves up several inches taller and tell
> me why this is such a bad idea and they believe this and that.
>
> ****
>
> I've never had anyone respond that way.

I have had someone respond in a similar way, once when Wyl was chatting away
with the woman working in the dairy department of the grocery store, she was
making comments on how "smart" he was and how well he spoke. The next question
was how old was he, then was he in school. He proudly said, "No, we
homeschool!" To which she looked at me for confirmation. (Why, I'm not sure-he had
spoken for himself up to that point, with no "corrections" or interrruptions from
me.) Then she asked if he had any friends his age that he played with, and
since he is pretty literal and factual, and at the time he was 4 1/2 and had no
EXACTLY 4 1/2 year olds that he played with (5, yes, 4, yes, etc. but no one 4
1/2! LOL), he said, "No." "Oh," she nodded wisely as if she had discovered
something important, "THAT'S why you speak so well. You're always around adults."
Ugh. I hastened to remind Wyl about the kids he plays with on a regular basis,
and then he understood that she meant somone AROUND his age, and hopefully,
she got the point. Or maybe she thought I was making it up. Who knows. At any
rate, his friendliness got him a tour of the walk-in cooler and a brief
explaination of how that area works in the grocery store, as well as an invitation to
come find her the next time we're in the store. People are strange... :~)

Síocháin ar domhan,
Sang


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Sylvia Toyama

Gary is 3rd generation Okinawan-American, very dark skin with black hair and dark brown eyes. I'm white, with hazel eyes and brown hair (depending on my current color choice, it has red/blond highlights. Andy has exactly the same coloring as Gary, while Dan is much more my color, but with light-brown eyes. I've been asked 'what nationality is your husband?' Usually, I say, 'American' and leave the next question to them!

I've been asked if my boys have the same father. Of course Will, does have a different bio-dad, so I'm used to that question, but it's strange to be asked that when Andy & Dan do have the same father. People have asked me if Andy was born fairer in color (more like Dan) and then 'darkened up.' My reply depends on whether the person is a stranger, an acquaintance (who may become a friend) or a friend genuinely intrigued by the genetics of interracial kids.

I remember the day we were at a community center. Andy had run ahead, while I got Dan out of the carseat. I had asked Andy to wait outside so he could go in with me. He ran to the sidwalk, where a woman offered to hold the door open for him. He told her was waiting for his Mom. I walked up, opened the door and motioned for Andy to go in ahead of me. The woman looked at me and said, "He's waiting for his Mom to let him in." Andy threw her a very confused look. I replied, "I'm his Mom." She didn't look convinced, until Andy confirmed it for her. Really very strange.

Syl


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Sang

--- In [email protected], Sylvia Toyama
<sylgt04@y...> wrote:
> I remember the day we were at a community center. Andy had run
ahead, while I got Dan out of the carseat. I had asked Andy to wait
outside so he could go in with me. He ran to the sidwalk, where a
woman offered to hold the door open for him. He told her was waiting
for his Mom. I walked up, opened the door and motioned for Andy to
go in ahead of me. The woman looked at me and said, "He's waiting
for his Mom to let him in." Andy threw her a very confused look. I
replied, "I'm his Mom." She didn't look convinced, until Andy
confirmed it for her. Really very strange.
>
> Syl


Now, see-this I don't get! If a kid told me when I offered to hold
the door for him that he was waiting for his mom, and then a woman
came up, opened the door and he went in, I would naturally assume
that this was his mother! Why would he deny me, a stranger, yet go in
with a different stranger?! I think some people either just like to
stir things up or are deliberately obtuse.

Peace,
Sang

pam sorooshian

On May 23, 2004, at 11:52 AM, Sylvia Toyama wrote:

> I've never had anyone respond that way. Often, I hear about how they
> know someone who homeschools, or that it must be a lot of work (along
> with how they could never do that).

More often, these days, people seem envious of the good times I'm
having with my children.

-pam
National Home Education Network
<www.NHEN.org>
Serving the entire homeschooling community since 1999
through information, networking and public relations.

the_clevengers

--- In [email protected], pam sorooshian
<pamsoroosh@m...> wrote:
>
> On May 23, 2004, at 11:52 AM, Sylvia Toyama wrote:
>
> > I've never had anyone respond that way. Often, I hear about how
they
> > know someone who homeschools, or that it must be a lot of work
(along
> > with how they could never do that).
>
> More often, these days, people seem envious of the good times I'm
> having with my children.
>
> -pam

My favorites are the teenaged grocery clerks. When they find out the
kids are homeschooled, they always say "You're so lucky!" I remember
high school, so I can certainly sympathize with the sentiment.

Blue Skies,
-Robin-

Cynthia

--- In [email protected], SandraDodd@a... wrote:
>
>
>The talisman I use (which isn't fair, but it works like
> magic) is to say "Well, I used to be a teacher, and..." and the
critic gets
> small again and says, "Well, then, that's different."
>
> If it's someone I care about or think I'll be dealing with in the
future, I
> go on to say it's not a teacher thing, it's a life-living thing,
but if it's
> just a passing whoever, I sometimes let it go there. They're
deflated and don't
> feel like they "won."
>
> Sandra

--------------

I really liked this response and the whole subject hit home with
something I struggle with lately. I use a talisman, too ("Well, I
have several degrees...") and that always seems to garner some
respect for our lifestyle. But I always feel icky after I say it,
like I had to justify myself to a total stranger or that I copped
out. I'm trying to give myself a break though. But I think for me,
it's part of the process I'm going through being new to
homeschooling, and unschooling in particular. I'm still trying to
divorce myself of the schoolish ways (emphasis on myself, not my
kids, they are leaps and bounds ahead of me). Everything about
having been brought up in a school minded mentality/society sets us
up to justify ourselves, either with grades, class rank,
qualifications, etc. and I have 37 years worth of that to undo!! So
that's part of it for me, and it's also part of my process to work
on making myself a stronger person for my family, my children, to
live the unschooling life within our own family unit before I try to
educate the rest of the world. I'm still figuring it all out and
how to live it. Unschooling isn't a "cause" for me, it's just a
natural way of living, so I try not to get too worked up about
comments from strangers and realize that those same comments are
what drew me away by intimidation from living this kind of life in
the first place. Sometimes I think the most important way to be an
activist is to live the lifestyle like it wasn't a cause, just your
natural state of being. I feel more confident that way. I don't
need to explain "myself" to anyone, so when I think of unschooling I
think of it being a part of myself instead of something seperate.
Still, I hate to waste a lot of energy or a good days positive
outlook arguing, so I'll use the talisman to easily opt out of that.

I read a comment made by Alicia Silverstone (the "Clueless"
actress/PETA/Vegan activist) in Jane magazine (aren't I the bookish
one) that kind of came close to how I feel. She said that she used
to be a lot more vocal about her causes with anyone that took
exception to them, but now she has come to the point where she
knows in what forum her activism will make a difference. It's sort
of a waste of energy otherwise. I try to remember that when I feel
like I'm copping out on explaining our reasons to
homeschool/unschool. I think a lot of folks are closet verbal
abusers, and use opinions as a way of achieving their "release" and
I'm just the current victim. Have you ever met someone that lives by
the mantra, "I'm entitled to my opinion" and then uses that mantra
to justify saying nasty, *unsolicited* things to people? Those are
the folks I'm talking about, generally speaking. So I either use my
talisman with them or just make it clear through my body language.
etc. that I don't have any interest in discussing the subject at
length. I'm not good at saying "none of your business". I'm a lot
better at acting as if I'm not interested in a person, that often
has the same effect..

When I get the urge to share an opinion, I always ask myself, is it
kind, it is necessary and is it asked for, before I go about sharing
it. I kind of turn that around a little to help me decide if I'm
going to defend my lifestyle/opinions, too.


Best,
Cindi
(who's been lurking a while)