Re: [UnschoolingDiscussion] Digest Number 4662
Ren
I just felt guilty for being
"selfish".
Well Sang, let me tell you about selfish. I think it's selfish for a parent to take loving energy away from the children they are obligated to nurture (their children by birth), by adopting or fostering children that bring negative energy into the home and take too much of the parents energy.
I know happy, successful adoption stories aplenty, my dh is one. But the parents adopted a healthy child at birth or shortly thereafter. Many, many of the older kid stories are not so happy, because everything done to them prior to adoption could not be undone no matter how much loving time was given.
I think if a person is going to adopt children with problems, they should only adopt...they shouldn't have birth children in the home. Or at the least, they should properly prepare the birth children for what their lives could become and let them be part of the choice.
Problem is, I was all for adopting siblings, I had no idea the negative energy it would bring into our home at times...though there was positive too.
I think my parents were more concerned about image and doing what society thought was good and right (or the church), rather than thinking about their own children's best interests. We had many good discussions about it after all was said and done. I know for a fact my parents would not do it over again, though they love their adopted children very much.
My Mom was convinced that God had called her to do this thing...but when she was more mature (in her 40's) she says "I think sometimes people let emotion convince them God is talking to them, I don't think it was God at all" (in reference to the adoption issue)
I was sad at the time that she felt so strongly that it had been a mistake, because I love my screwed up siblings and it taught us a lot about giving. I understand better now. She came to terms with it eventually, but I think she still wished she'd given all her energy and time to the three birth children.
I think it's sensible, not selfish.
Ren
"There is no way to
peace. Peace is the way."
~Quaker saying
"selfish".
Well Sang, let me tell you about selfish. I think it's selfish for a parent to take loving energy away from the children they are obligated to nurture (their children by birth), by adopting or fostering children that bring negative energy into the home and take too much of the parents energy.
I know happy, successful adoption stories aplenty, my dh is one. But the parents adopted a healthy child at birth or shortly thereafter. Many, many of the older kid stories are not so happy, because everything done to them prior to adoption could not be undone no matter how much loving time was given.
I think if a person is going to adopt children with problems, they should only adopt...they shouldn't have birth children in the home. Or at the least, they should properly prepare the birth children for what their lives could become and let them be part of the choice.
Problem is, I was all for adopting siblings, I had no idea the negative energy it would bring into our home at times...though there was positive too.
I think my parents were more concerned about image and doing what society thought was good and right (or the church), rather than thinking about their own children's best interests. We had many good discussions about it after all was said and done. I know for a fact my parents would not do it over again, though they love their adopted children very much.
My Mom was convinced that God had called her to do this thing...but when she was more mature (in her 40's) she says "I think sometimes people let emotion convince them God is talking to them, I don't think it was God at all" (in reference to the adoption issue)
I was sad at the time that she felt so strongly that it had been a mistake, because I love my screwed up siblings and it taught us a lot about giving. I understand better now. She came to terms with it eventually, but I think she still wished she'd given all her energy and time to the three birth children.
I think it's sensible, not selfish.
Ren
"There is no way to
peace. Peace is the way."
~Quaker saying
J. Stauffer
<<<< I think it's selfish for a parent to take loving energy away from the
children they are obligated to nurture (their children by birth), by
adopting or fostering children that bring negative energy into the home and
take too much of the parents energy.>>>>
We adopted 5 children, 3 out of the foster system. I agree with Ren and so
will any good social worker. It is extremely important to consider the
effects bringing children into the home will have on the people already
there.
Of course, I think it needs to be considered in families formed only by
birth as well. Anytime you are adding to the mix, you will be getting
positive and negative energies added and you don't always know which way the
balance will go.
Julie S.
children they are obligated to nurture (their children by birth), by
adopting or fostering children that bring negative energy into the home and
take too much of the parents energy.>>>>
We adopted 5 children, 3 out of the foster system. I agree with Ren and so
will any good social worker. It is extremely important to consider the
effects bringing children into the home will have on the people already
there.
Of course, I think it needs to be considered in families formed only by
birth as well. Anytime you are adding to the mix, you will be getting
positive and negative energies added and you don't always know which way the
balance will go.
Julie S.
----- Original Message -----
From: "Ren" <starsuncloud@...>
To: <[email protected]>
Sent: Tuesday, May 18, 2004 8:55 AM
Subject: Re: [UnschoolingDiscussion] Digest Number 4662
>
> I just felt guilty for being
> "selfish".
>
> Well Sang, let me tell you about selfish. I think it's selfish for a
parent to take loving energy away from the children they are obligated to
nurture (their children by birth), by adopting or fostering children that
bring negative energy into the home and take too much of the parents energy.
> I know happy, successful adoption stories aplenty, my dh is one. But the
parents adopted a healthy child at birth or shortly thereafter. Many, many
of the older kid stories are not so happy, because everything done to them
prior to adoption could not be undone no matter how much loving time was
given.
> I think if a person is going to adopt children with problems, they should
only adopt...they shouldn't have birth children in the home. Or at the
least, they should properly prepare the birth children for what their lives
could become and let them be part of the choice.
> Problem is, I was all for adopting siblings, I had no idea the negative
energy it would bring into our home at times...though there was positive
too.
> I think my parents were more concerned about image and doing what society
thought was good and right (or the church), rather than thinking about their
own children's best interests. We had many good discussions about it after
all was said and done. I know for a fact my parents would not do it over
again, though they love their adopted children very much.
> My Mom was convinced that God had called her to do this thing...but when
she was more mature (in her 40's) she says "I think sometimes people let
emotion convince them God is talking to them, I don't think it was God at
all" (in reference to the adoption issue)
> I was sad at the time that she felt so strongly that it had been a
mistake, because I love my screwed up siblings and it taught us a lot about
giving. I understand better now. She came to terms with it eventually, but I
think she still wished she'd given all her energy and time to the three
birth children.
> I think it's sensible, not selfish.
>
> Ren
> "There is no way to
> peace. Peace is the way."
> ~Quaker saying
>
>
>
>
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